All language subtitles for Butterflies s01e01 When Ria Met Leonard

Love is like a butterfly, soft and
gentle as a fly. The

multicolored moods of love are like its
satin wings.

Love makes your heart feel strange
inside. It flutters like a swoon from

Love is like a butterfly, a rare and
gentle thing.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we come
to Ria Sanson.

Notice the loose -flowing line of the
soft cotton top.

And the easy -to -wear wraparound skirt.

Fabulous for that special date.

labour.

Would you explain this to me?

What? This. This stuff on my plate.

It's your dinner. I know it's my dinner,
but could you identify the various

heaters?

Those are potatoes.

And that's a chop.

I forget what those green things are.

My mother couldn't cook.

The first woman I fell in love with
couldn't cook.

The first woman I lived with made
omelettes like plastic doilies.

And now you, the woman I married.

That's gravy.

Oh, my God.

What do you mean, oh, my God?

There's some kind of reawakening.

I mean, we've been married for 19 years
and I haven't come up with a decent meal

yet. Why suddenly all these oh, my Gods?
Because 19 years ago I was a young and

potent horse.

I trotted triumphantly from one day to
the next.

Now I've jumped my 48 fenders.

I'm galloping towards thrombosis, heart
disease, hardening of the arteries.

And there you are, cheering me on with
your suet puddings and hurl it in a pan

and pray dinner.

I need special attention. I'm at that
dangerous age.

I could be your next man drops dead on a
bus story.

I don't see how. You drive a car.

Is that a joke?

Is that a joke? Because if that is a
joke... It was merely an observation.

All right.

Does he have to yawn?

Do you have to yawn?

And read at the table?

And read at the table?

You're reading at the table. I'm not
reading at the table. I don't like

on the table, so I have detached myself
from it and I'm reading by the table.

He's like a mobile ribcage.

You're like a mobile ribcage.

Look, isn't it time you two spoke to one
another?

It's been nearly a year now.

I believe in respectability and self
-sufficiency. He doesn't. I have fun. He

doesn't.

most rewarding relationships is that of
father and son. When he was a baby...

When he was a baby, he peered from his
bonnet like an evil otter. I bought him

wrapper and he smoked me with it. Oh,
now, come on.

We are incompatible.

Dad's right.

It blew my mind when I discovered that
the guy who used to giggle, giggle, goo

at me through the cut rails was my
father.

My forehead is a perpetual frown. My
mouth is set in a thin, angry line.

Soon my face will gather speed and reach
my 50th birthday ten years before I do.

Have you seen me gumption?

No, sorry.

Never find a thing in this house.

Oh, thank heavens there's Adam.

As long as I have Adam, I can avoid
Valium.

I crashed my car.

You crashed your car?

He's crashed his car.

He's always crashing his car.

Are you all right?

Great, great.

Your hand.

It's okay.

Where's your thumb? I'm missing out on a
thumb.

It's there somewhere.

Come and sit down.

Well, I'll go upstairs and zonk out if
you know what I mean. Oh, you zonk out

here where we can keep an eye on you.

Mum, call it. I'm okay.

Was there... No, there was no one else
involved.

Just me and a bollard.

But we already owe the corporation three
bollards. Source us out, not to worry.

What about the car? Where is it?

Here and there.

You mean... Scattered over a wide area.

Right. Adam, I never trusted that car.

Mum, I like clapped -out cars.

And do you like clapped -out mother?

Because that's how I'm going to end up.
This whole family is clapping me out.

Soon I'll be jerking round the house
with a faulty gearbox and my big end

I'll see you later, OK? What about your
dinner?

As soon as I've got over this
catastrophe, I'll tackle that one.

Hadn't you anything to say?

That was your son.

When you've seen a horror film a hundred
times, you stop being frightened.

Look, I've done my duty. I've brought
them up. I've educated them. I've taught

them good from bad, right from wrong.

Now all I've got left is about 20 years
to recover.

So that's it, is it?

That is your profundity for the day.

Right.

Oh, hey, Mum, before you go and break
something or slam something, can I just

have a word?

Yes, Russell, you may certainly have a
word.

Happily, you and I still communicate.

What are these green things?

Those green things are mushy peas.

And I should know because I...

Excuse me.

Yes?

You've been flicking your ash in my
trifle.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I must have been
dreaming.

It's all right. It's just that you were
heading towards my coffee. Oh, please,

let me get you another one. No, no, no.
I don't often eat trifle anyway.

In fact, I don't think I'll ever eat it
again.

I'm afraid it's been one of those days.
I nearly stepped 100 feet and then I

collided with a litter bin. It's funny.
I should imagine you to be in a car.

Oh, no.

My husband couldn't decide whether to
get a little one each or a big one

us, so he got a big one between us.

For him to use.

You're married, then?

Oh, yes, I'm very married.

You know that glue that sticks anything
to anything?

Well, I think it's on the inside of my
wedding ring.

Oh, um, I'm Leonard, by the way. Leonard
Dunn.

Oh, I'm Ria Parkinson.

Mrs. Ria Parkinson.

Children? Yes, I have one son. You don't
look old enough.

Ten.

And another one of nine.

You know, when I first saw you, I
thought to myself, now there is a woman.

Yes, well, I think I'd better go now.

My husband... coming home early today
and my son Adam crafted a car yesterday.

A pet car.

Right into the sideboard.

And I imagine you've got to get back to
work or your wife or something. Oh, I

don't actually have a wife. She went.

She went?

Mm. My best friend said I was too
possessive that I ought to let her

She shot off like a band of elastic and
expanded from my flat to his. Oh, dear.

Oh.

Love is a... Funny old thing, isn't it?

We're all kids chasing butterflies.

You see it, you want it, you grab it.

And there it is.

All squashed in your hand.

Oh, I'm sorry, you're squeamish. No, no,
no. Please, carry on with your powerful

metaphors. It takes the problem out of
dieting.

Well, nothing more to say, really. I
suppose I'm one of the few lucky ones.

A pleasant house with a pleasant man and
two pleasant sons.

It's just that, well, my butterfly
didn't get squashed.

Oh, I'm sorry for messing up your trifle
and putting you off your

chips. Well, at least I escaped with my
coffee.

He didn't even get his coffee.

Well, he asked for it.

I mean, I was looking at that table
first.

I was having a quiet cigarette and a
quiet thing.

There were plenty of other tables in
that cafe.

Poor chap.

Poor chap? Don't you mind him chatting
me up?

Not really.

I suspect you asked for it.

I'm sorry about your trifle, Flutter
Flutter.

And your chips, flutter, flutter.

But I'm a poor, helpless female,
flutter, flutter.

And all I want to do is let you see what
I've got, and then when I'm quite sure

you like what I've got, I just want to
spill coffee over you.

Wiggle, wiggle.

Are you sure you're not responsible for
the Kinsey report?

And speak as a man.

All men are coffee -stained.

Yes, and so they should be.

They've only got to see a woman and
they're chalking her up on their

Well, for your information, women prefer
to go for romantic walks in park.

Really? Yes, really.

Not just ordinary walking, either.

But intriguingly sort of creeping round
the edge of a pond, feeding swans,

talking in a whisper and not quite
touching hands,

furtively sharing a granary loaf.

Hey, Mum.

Smells like you're baking a cake, or is
it just me hallucinating?

I am baking a cake, Adam. Yes.

Have you lost someone?

Do you have to wear that black thing
round your head? What do you think the

place is, a bloody wig round?

You know, the wonderful thing about
baking a cake, it's like waiting for a

birth.

Adam, you know your father objects to
random references to sex.

You put something in, you wait, you
worry.

And something wonderful comes out.

I will not have you talking to your
mother like that.

She is making a cake.

Nothing that goes on around that oven
has anything to do with procreation.

This is a kitchen, not a maternity ward.

Cakes are delivered here.

Cakes. And other disasters.

Is that clear?

Hey, don't get so uptight. I am not
uptight.

Oh, come on, Dad. What did I say?

Ma 'am, this is 1978.

You described the oven as giving birth.

To a cake? Right. So what about that?

Well, it's the connotations.

The connotations.

Before you give birth, you have to get
yourself into a certain condition, don't

you? You have to... to... Do naughty
things.

With an F.

Is that a joke?

Is it?

Is that a joke?

It was funny, so it's a joke.

Will you both get out of the line of
fire, please? I want to open the oven

now.

This is my house.

And in my house, there will be no
disrespect, no vulgarity, and no

ovens.

Could someone dismantle the oven,
please? This cake refuses to be born.

All I want is a quiet, unobtrusive
existence.

I've struggled through my youth. Why do
I have to struggle through theirs?

You're at war with youth, aren't you?
Just because yours is finished, you

even let theirs begin.

That is utter rubbish. I was simply
explaining to the boy that there are...

listen, listen.

Now.

Once upon a time, there was a handsome
young dentist with a sense of humour and

a beautiful young girl with toothache.

Two fillings and a brilliant bridge job
later, he fell in love with her smile.

A mortgage was arranged and they got
married.

What happened?

The world happened.

The world?

Well, inflation happened.

Supermarkets happened.

A little sticky pride ticket happened.

The Rolling Stones and parking meters
happened.

If that wasn't enough, they happened.

Excuse me, Mum. I'm talking to your
father.

Oh, good. That's real handy.

Could you ask him if I could borrow the
keys to his car? So that we can move

mine, so that we can go and check up on
Adam's. I don't know why, but nobody

ever lends me their car keys.

I will move it in a... minute fine fine

now ben i know it's difficult for you uh
this is

1978 and you're still trying to shake
off 1938 but things have changed you

so yourself there are supermarkets and
sticky price labels and broad

and sex i didn't say anything about sex
then why don't you why don't you say

something about sex because everybody
else is saying something about it the

whole world chanting about it. It's in
the newspapers, on the television.

They're actually trying to make me
believe that unless I use a certain

aftershave, I shall become impotent.

There, you see, you said something about
sex.

Impotent, you said.

Impotence and sex have nothing in
common.

You've got one, you're out of luck with
the other.

I'll tell you what.

The boys are out tonight.

to the off -license and get a special
bottle of wine and we can sit on the

settee together.

Maybe we can lie on the carpet and make
shadows on

the ceiling with our toes the way we
used to.

When you were young.

I think I'll paint the house purple this
year.

Yes, purple.

With orange paintwork and yellow nylon
nets.

And I'll have naked gnomes and a rude
door knocker.

Mouths and flowers and patterns.

Maybe I'll form words with them.

A sentence.

A vulgar sentence.

And I'll hoist my knickers up on the
television aerial.

Dash about naked with the lawnmower.

Yes, that should liven things up a bit.

You stupid cow! What the hell are you
trying to do?

Look, that is a pavement for
pedestrians.

This is a roadway for motorists.

Now, you don't have to be a genius to...
Hello.

Hello.

I was just crossing the road.

I was just coming round the corner.

Funny we should bump into each other
again.

I don't seem to be able to move I think
my mind has informed my body that it's

dead Well, come and sit in the car for a
moment

It's incredible, isn't it, that moment
before death?

I mean, that moment before you think
you're going to die.

I find myself worrying about the most
ridiculous thing.

Like I'd spent the television rental
money and they'd come and take it away

while they were all at my funeral.

It's full of stale peanuts.

And there are no iron shirts.

And this orange lipstick will look awful
when I'm dead.

Well, in the meantime, you're not dead.

And it looks fine.

Has she, your wife, has she come back?

No.

Has your husband left?

No.

Sir, you're stuck with him and I'm stuck
with me. I'm not stuck with him.

I'm sorry, I thought you said something
about glue on the inside of your wedding

ring. What I meant was that I was truly
married, voluntarily married.

Bound, if you like, by love and loyalty.

God, you sound like the Queen on
Christmas Day.

I'm sorry.

Look, I'm... I'm 44, alone, and it's not
easy.

I mean, I've passed those glorious days
when I can put on dark glasses, a bobble

cap, and cruise along in my car, taking
the pick of the pavement.

The only way I can get to know a woman
nowadays is by running over her.

You probably won't understand this, but
after a certain age, it's no fun waking

up and finding some dozy female in your
bed with tyre marks all over her.

There's a certain absence of dignity.

Then if you're lucky or unlucky, and you
manage to snare some nubile wench from

a wine bar, a terrible sense of
insecurity sets in.

You wonder if you did anything wrong or
if you did anything out of character.

Or worst of all, whether you managed to
do anything at all.

And you look down at that pale, fragile
heap with a perfect

skin and a perfect eyes and a perfect
glow.

And you find yourself creeping along to
the bathroom mirror to check out on your

remaining assets.

Everything seems to be taking a downward
plunge. No matter which way you turn,

you look like an old oil painting.

Oh, boy.

Then you wish you had a big, fat, plain
wife.

Oh.

You're feeling middle -aged, aren't you?
No, no, no, I'm feeling 17.

I'm just looking middle -aged.

I'm not young.

But you're beautifully old.

I'm older than you think. As a matter of
fact, my sons, Adam and Russell, are

really... Ten and nine. I'm very
pleasant, yes, I know.

And you've got a very pleasant house in
a very pleasant district. And if that

isn't enough, you've got a very pleasant
husband.

Come on, I'll run you home.

I'm happily married.

But I'm not excitingly married. Do you
know what I mean?

Oh, sure, yeah.

Dear world, having a lovely time.

Hotel great, food great, everything
great. Wish you were here.

Instead of me, love Ria.

Angry and bitter and cynical.

But I've got a lovely body.

I thought you said everything was taking
a downward plunge.

It's all clambering up again now.

over there. You'd better stop here.

Not that Ben would mind me getting a
lift from another man.

Oh, you don't have to explain to me.

When Unigate announced that they were
going to employ friendly milkmen, I went

right out and punched out.

That's some car. What do you do? Drive
it or wave it?

Oh, yes, that's mine.

Well, no, not mine. It's my friend. I
borrowed it for fun.

He must have brought it round for me.

He's a very good and giving friend.

Well, I'd better go.

Bye -bye. Could we eat together?

Nothing furtive or clandestine, just an
honest daylight meal with a newly

discovered good and giving friend.

Oh, yes.

Quite unimportant. I'm not pressing you.
It's nothing at all, really. However, I

will be at that cafe tomorrow for one o
'clock lunch. Should you feel like

stubbing a cigarette out in my soup or
pouring coffee all over the table, here

you go.

Man,

that's lovely.

Bye, Mum.

Bye, Mum.

Oh, my God. How do I keep them a secret?

I don't see how the word finish comes
into it. You went mine away as I was

approaching my third chip.

I started my jerry when you fell upon
the spoons.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm in a hurry to get to the shop.

The percolator's on.

The coffee will be ready in five
minutes.

are hanging in the kitchen, and the milk
is in the fridge, which is also in the

kitchen. And the kitchen is due north.

If one of you should get lost en route,
the other two can form a search party.

All right?

I would like my coffee to be served by
my wife, if you don't mind. Oh, you go,

Mum. It's okay by me.

Russell says it's okay by him. And me.
You go right out and enjoy yourself.

Oh, you see, Adam says I can go right
out and enjoy myself.

Enjoy myself.

Who says anything about enjoying myself?
I never enjoy myself.

you accuse me of enjoying myself I
devote my entire existence to this

ship I am the cook the laundry maid and
the captain I'm the hoist the sails

scrub the decks and ding the dong and
when you lot are sprawled in front of

television enjoying yourselves

now go to the shops, as predicted.

we just love each other.

I can't relax.

There's something ominous when you all
sit there loving each other.

Ben, say something cruel and
insensitive.

He can't. He wants to borrow my toolkit
and he's not speaking to run.

I can't go out until things are normal.

What would you like for dinner tonight?

I really don't mind.

But you always mind.

Well, today I don't. Why today?

What's the matter with you? You're being
nice.

It would be nice if it were a week ago,
a year ago. Why today?

What's different about today?

Oh, no, nothing. Nothing's different.

Good.

Then whatever you cook, I will happily
eat.

I'm not pleased. I want you the way you
were. You don't keep being nice.

You haven't the figure for it.

That little speech you made about the
family ship, you were right.

You do keep it afloat.

I don't know where dinging the dong
comes in, but you were right.

Oh, God.

He's going to start appreciating me. Oh,
don't worry. We'll make up for it.

You'd better take my car keys, or you'll
never make it by one o 'clock.

One o 'clock? What do you mean? Who said
anything about making anything by one o

'clock? Shops.

Okay?

Oh, yes.

Shops.

Oh, and watch out for that strange guy.
Oh, yeah.

Strange guy?

Yeah, we were bombing round in the car
this morning. This guy starts chasing

We couldn't shake him off.

Anyway, it turns out he thought he
recognised the car. Said he had a friend

one the same.

We told him that car's completely
unique.

And nobody else drives it except us and
dear old Mama.

Did he seem surprised?

No.

Even morons like us have mothers.

See you. Ciao.

so I came home to pour your coffee.

You know, I decided I quite like my ship
and the crew and the rough

seas.

Oh, it's an exciting life.

God, I thought, I'm so lucky to have
such an exciting life.

My butterfly is squashed.

Thank you.