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1
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Because of you, these things I do.
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Because of you.
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Because of you.
4
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Oh, yeah.
5
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Want to come in for a coffee?
6
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Do I get slung out afterwards?
7
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Look, Sandra, why keep up this pretense?
You know you'd like me to stay.
8
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Yeah, I will.
9
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Oh, right then. But you can't.
10
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Why not?
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Because we both know where it would end.
12
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In a very warm, snuggly place.
13
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You're a fly -by -night jackal. Give you
a week or two and you'll get scared.
14
00:00:59,610 --> 00:01:03,310
I know this is going to come as a blow
to you, but I'm not scared of you.
15
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Not of me.
16
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You're scared of commitment.
17
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What, being put in an asylum?
18
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,560
Oh, Sandra, what does it take to make
you crumble?
19
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A proposal of marriage?
20
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:19,120
The knowledge that I wouldn't be just
another notch on your gun.
21
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:20,490
Don't be vulgar.
22
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I'm not convinced at all.
23
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All these people going down the road of
life.
24
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I mean, they're like lemmings. Only they
don't know where the road leads.
25
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It leads to the edge of the cliff and
they go hurtling over.
26
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Well, I'm not going to go hurtling over
with them, Sandra. That's all.
27
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You... got a problem.
28
00:01:39,790 --> 00:01:41,190
You should see someone.
29
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I am. I'm seeing you.
30
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Only you won't solve me problem.
31
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Oh, get off home.
32
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Look, Sandra, if I was to kick your milk
bottles over in frustration, it'd be
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your fault.
34
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They're not mine. They're the girl's
downstairs.
35
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What's she like?
36
00:02:05,270 --> 00:02:07,250
Doesn't Sandra ever cook you supper?
37
00:02:07,690 --> 00:02:09,980
I can't get in her flat, let alone get
any food.
38
00:02:09,981 --> 00:02:14,049
Still keeping you at arm's length, is
she? I don't see that that's any of your
39
00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:15,230
business. She is.
40
00:02:15,650 --> 00:02:18,720
Look, I'm not Superman. I've been kept
at arm's length before.
41
00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:21,909
Well, I know, and usually when that
happens, you don't hang around for very
42
00:02:21,910 --> 00:02:25,160
long. Do you think we can talk about
something other than Sandra?
43
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:26,780
Suit yourself.
44
00:02:26,781 --> 00:02:31,349
Where did you and Sandra go to tonight,
then? God, blimey, they're coming at me
45
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in relays.
46
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What's the matter with you?
47
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I just don't want my private life
dissected at your table, that's all.
48
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Sandra still isn't cooking him supper.
49
00:02:39,231 --> 00:02:40,309
Isn't she?
50
00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:41,570
But he's still seeing her.
51
00:02:41,730 --> 00:02:44,590
Oh, I find that quite significant, quite
meaningful.
52
00:02:44,970 --> 00:02:47,590
I said I didn't want to talk about
Sandra.
53
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:49,130
Well, you aren't. We are.
54
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,900
And it's our house. So we'll talk about
what we like.
55
00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:55,270
And that's another thing. Having kids
addles your brains.
56
00:02:55,271 --> 00:02:58,549
You two are behaving like a couple of
three -year -olds. It's often occurred
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00:02:58,550 --> 00:03:00,780
me that Sandra would make a very good
mother.
58
00:03:00,870 --> 00:03:01,990
Yes, she would.
59
00:03:02,370 --> 00:03:04,230
Any developments in that direction?
60
00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,250
Has she seen a lot of anybody in
particular these days?
61
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,400
No, I've never seen this bloke.
62
00:03:09,620 --> 00:03:11,760
But he sounds a bit immature, if you ask
me.
63
00:03:11,761 --> 00:03:15,659
Did he not ever tell you about that red
-headed usherette Eric went out with
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00:03:15,660 --> 00:03:16,710
before he met you?
65
00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:17,900
I told him himself.
66
00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:19,350
No, you didn't.
67
00:03:19,351 --> 00:03:22,639
Oh, and then, of course, it's only fair
to mention Jean's episode with that
68
00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,460
bloke on the dodgems. What episode?
69
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:26,860
I was doing free time.
70
00:03:27,220 --> 00:03:30,170
Why is he calling it an episode? I bet
she works at the Odeon.
71
00:03:30,171 --> 00:03:34,179
Why? Because you'd never take me to the
O .G. and you always found some excuse
72
00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:35,230
not to.
73
00:03:36,540 --> 00:03:37,590
Me again.
74
00:03:37,591 --> 00:03:43,639
I don't know what you're smiling at.
You've just been cut out of my will, you
75
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:44,690
have.
76
00:03:45,780 --> 00:03:49,060
34 times you saw Jungle Book because of
that usherette.
77
00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:54,150
She sneaked me a raspberry ripple off
the ice cream girl once.
78
00:03:55,180 --> 00:03:57,160
Very sordid, your past, isn't it, Eric?
79
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,390
It's Gloria.
80
00:04:01,930 --> 00:04:03,550
Sorry to come round so late, Jean.
81
00:04:03,790 --> 00:04:05,430
I just had to talk to somebody.
82
00:04:05,890 --> 00:04:08,300
Yeah, well, that's all right. See
yourself down.
83
00:04:11,010 --> 00:04:12,060
What's up, Gloria?
84
00:04:14,190 --> 00:04:15,750
I've been wronged.
85
00:04:16,769 --> 00:04:17,819
You?
86
00:04:18,089 --> 00:04:19,139
Yes.
87
00:04:19,910 --> 00:04:21,010
Reggie's left me.
88
00:04:21,630 --> 00:04:22,950
What, really left you?
89
00:04:23,410 --> 00:04:24,460
Yes.
90
00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:26,750
He's gone off to Elfracombe.
91
00:04:29,190 --> 00:04:30,610
Well, why Elfracombe?
92
00:04:32,460 --> 00:04:34,750
rubbish about becoming a lobster
fisherman.
93
00:04:36,300 --> 00:04:37,940
I know he's your brother, Jean.
94
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,040
And yours, Jacko.
95
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:44,400
And I know he's your... What did he be?
96
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:46,090
Brother -in -law.
97
00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:51,660
But I have to say, he acted like an
animal and a lunatic.
98
00:04:51,940 --> 00:04:53,040
Did you have a row?
99
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,440
Well, it does seem likely, doesn't it?
100
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,180
More of a tirade.
101
00:04:57,780 --> 00:04:58,830
Ranting, he was.
102
00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:00,740
I thought he was going to hit me.
103
00:05:00,741 --> 00:05:04,639
Look, I know he's a bit of a hothead,
Gloria, but he only hits the blow. And
104
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:09,299
should have seen his knuckles. They all
went white. And his vein kept throbbing
105
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:10,350
on his temple.
106
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:12,560
Well, Charlie complained last night.
107
00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,400
Jacko. Sorry. And the language.
108
00:05:14,820 --> 00:05:18,430
I haven't heard language like that since
I went out with that fever doll.
109
00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:20,300
Why was he in such a state?
110
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Well, he came home early.
111
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:26,750
Oh, yeah.
112
00:05:31,820 --> 00:05:32,870
Well, it is out.
113
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:18,690
It's difficult to think of anything to
say.
114
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:21,620
So much for sympathy for a woman
wronged.
115
00:06:22,140 --> 00:06:23,600
Wronged? Yes.
116
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,840
You wouldn't understand, Jacko. You're
not married.
117
00:06:26,841 --> 00:06:29,579
Well, neither are you now, by the looks
of things.
118
00:06:29,580 --> 00:06:34,739
Men can be very hard, can't they, Jean?
Yes, and thoughtless. Coming home like
119
00:06:34,740 --> 00:06:36,000
that without telling you.
120
00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:40,520
Catching you in flagrante delicto. It's
French.
121
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,560
No, it's Latin. For at it.
122
00:06:44,060 --> 00:06:45,140
Poor old Reg.
123
00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:46,999
Not me.
124
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,000
I've had my bases taken away.
125
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,640
I need a man.
126
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,250
Already?
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00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:53,980
Reg, I mean.
128
00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:57,000
I'll phone him for us, Jacko, please.
129
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,740
Go on, please.
130
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,640
Hey, go on. Well, who am I going to
phone?
131
00:07:01,641 --> 00:07:04,259
The Ophrah Coombe home for stunned
husbands?
132
00:07:04,260 --> 00:07:05,279
No.
133
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:06,500
I know where he'll be.
134
00:07:06,780 --> 00:07:08,580
I've got the address here somewhere.
135
00:07:08,860 --> 00:07:09,910
Here it is.
136
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,220
The lobster pot in.
137
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:15,340
Oh, go on, Jacko, please. Oh, all right,
all right, all right.
138
00:07:15,740 --> 00:07:18,020
He is my brother. I would like to know
how he is.
139
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,400
He's run by this bloke called Nicky
Mason.
140
00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:27,319
Very broad shoulders, lovely blue eyes,
and this lovely look in his voice when
141
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:28,370
he's posed.
142
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:33,160
Have you ever had any trouble like this,
Jane? No, I haven't. Oh.
143
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,140
Hello? Is that the lodger pot in?
144
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,200
Could I speak to... Nicky Mason.
145
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:40,740
Nicky Mason, please.
146
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,840
Oh, hello. Look, this is Reg's brother.
147
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,210
Is Reg there?
148
00:07:45,211 --> 00:07:46,479
Oh, great.
149
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:47,530
Yeah, thanks.
150
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:50,160
Lovely look to his voice.
151
00:07:50,780 --> 00:07:51,860
He's got a lisp.
152
00:07:52,780 --> 00:07:55,900
Oh, hang on, it wasn't him. It was that
bloke on the petalo.
153
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:57,610
Hello, Reg.
154
00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,260
It's Jacko, yeah.
155
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:01,440
How are you? How is he?
156
00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:02,950
He says he's drunk.
157
00:08:02,951 --> 00:08:04,179
Oh, come on.
158
00:08:04,180 --> 00:08:05,230
Don't blame him.
159
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,920
Anyway, no, Reg, we know Gloria's here
now.
160
00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:10,710
Tell her to what?
161
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,780
What? Never mind.
162
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:17,590
The thing is, Reg, do you want to say
anything about all this?
163
00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:19,700
No, I'm not repeating that, Reg.
164
00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:23,220
Tell him Gloria is very contrite.
165
00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:24,870
Right.
166
00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:27,100
Gloria's very contrite.
167
00:08:28,980 --> 00:08:30,030
That was Eric.
168
00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:32,299
Your sister's husband.
169
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,880
He said, did you ever buy that faultier
he told you about?
170
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:39,650
That wasn't me.
171
00:08:39,919 --> 00:08:40,969
Wasn't him.
172
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:42,450
He said it was.
173
00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:44,790
No, no, just tell him I didn't. No, he
didn't.
174
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,979
He says you missed out, Ed. It was only
72 ,000 miles on the clock. Ed, do you
175
00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:51,980
mind? I was supposed to be reconciling.
176
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:53,330
Yeah, all right.
177
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,720
All right, now, get back to Gloria, Reg.
178
00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,250
Look, don't shout like that. You'd get
slung out the pub.
179
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,360
Now, we all know Gloria's a bit... Man,
man.
180
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,260
Sensitive. Hot -blooded.
181
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,340
Extrovert, but... But one mistake.
182
00:09:09,460 --> 00:09:10,510
How many?
183
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:14,990
No, she didn't say anything about the
window cleaner, Reg.
184
00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:16,070
No,
185
00:09:16,660 --> 00:09:19,130
she didn't say anything about the jockey
either.
186
00:09:19,580 --> 00:09:23,839
Wonderful, isn't it? How those tiny
little arms can control those great big
187
00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:27,820
horses. Yeah, all right, Reg. Several
mistakes.
188
00:09:28,620 --> 00:09:30,880
But can you see a road forward from
here?
189
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:32,490
Eh?
190
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,880
Oh. Oh, all right, mate.
191
00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:37,680
Yeah, I'd get your head down if I were
you.
192
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:39,840
OK, you two.
193
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,370
Ta -da.
194
00:09:42,890 --> 00:09:43,940
What did he say?
195
00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:47,580
He said he's just had a fight with that
bloke who runs the pedlo.
196
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,570
You made a beautiful job of Leslie's
flat, Jacko.
197
00:09:53,950 --> 00:09:55,270
Thank you, Mrs Bainbridge.
198
00:09:55,770 --> 00:09:58,480
You made a lovely job of getting dressed
this morning.
199
00:09:59,190 --> 00:10:00,240
What did you say?
200
00:10:00,890 --> 00:10:04,200
Oh, don't cramp his style, Lionel. He's
only being complimentary.
201
00:10:04,710 --> 00:10:05,760
What about me?
202
00:10:05,810 --> 00:10:07,230
You look lovely too, Lionel.
203
00:10:08,470 --> 00:10:10,050
I meant puddin', Ed.
204
00:10:10,590 --> 00:10:13,650
that I complimented Veronica this
morning before you did.
205
00:10:13,850 --> 00:10:15,270
I feel humiliated now.
206
00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:16,560
So you should be.
207
00:10:16,590 --> 00:10:17,990
Because you just have been.
208
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:22,450
What was it I liked in that dress too,
darling?
209
00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:24,890
A coloured awning, Lionel.
210
00:10:26,230 --> 00:10:27,280
Yeah.
211
00:10:27,690 --> 00:10:28,740
That's it.
212
00:10:30,510 --> 00:10:32,750
Lionel, why are you so agitated?
213
00:10:33,690 --> 00:10:35,130
It's because of Leslie's bio.
214
00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:36,640
What did you say?
215
00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:40,850
B -E -A -U.
216
00:10:42,270 --> 00:10:43,320
Yo.
217
00:10:45,330 --> 00:10:49,909
This bloke has taken us out to lunch.
Oh, yeah. What about him? Exactly. What
218
00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:52,260
about him? All we know is that his name
is Giles.
219
00:10:52,261 --> 00:10:54,729
Do you know anything about him?
220
00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:55,830
I like his cartoons.
221
00:10:57,990 --> 00:10:59,170
Is he a cartoonist?
222
00:10:59,430 --> 00:11:01,370
Yeah. I'm not sure whether I like that.
223
00:11:01,970 --> 00:11:03,170
Oh, he's ever so good.
224
00:11:03,510 --> 00:11:04,770
He's been going for years.
225
00:11:05,170 --> 00:11:08,780
Oh, my gosh. You're not going out with
another old bloke. Now, don't panic.
226
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:13,589
It's a genuine misunderstanding on
Jacko's part, of course, but the jars
227
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:16,420
taken us out to lunch isn't the jars he
was talking about.
228
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,170
Then why do you say it was?
229
00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:21,810
Oh, I don't think before I speak
sometimes, Lionel. No.
230
00:11:22,910 --> 00:11:23,960
You don't.
231
00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:27,210
Because if you did... Yeah?
232
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:30,940
You would.
233
00:11:32,470 --> 00:11:33,750
You just remember that.
234
00:11:34,530 --> 00:11:35,970
Till the end of time, Lionel.
235
00:11:36,890 --> 00:11:37,940
I'm ready.
236
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:41,560
Oh, you look divine, Angel.
237
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:45,520
You stepped out of a dream, Leslie.
238
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:47,350
You're flat.
239
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:50,840
Oh. You haven't told us very much about
this Giles, Leslie.
240
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:52,880
He's out of this world.
241
00:11:53,540 --> 00:11:55,650
You mean you're going round with a
ghost?
242
00:11:55,760 --> 00:12:00,579
I mean Giles is something else. Well,
I'm pleased to hear he's out of this
243
00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:02,560
and something else, but what does he do?
244
00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:05,280
He's in the army, cavalry, Royal Scots
Grey.
245
00:12:05,540 --> 00:12:07,160
Oh, my God, he's not a jock, is he?
246
00:12:07,370 --> 00:12:08,890
He comes from Hampshire.
247
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,680
His family's had an estate there for
centuries.
248
00:12:11,750 --> 00:12:13,130
What's he like personally?
249
00:12:13,430 --> 00:12:15,650
Tall, well -bred and rich, Mummy.
250
00:12:15,890 --> 00:12:17,950
Oh, sounds like a very nice person.
251
00:12:18,290 --> 00:12:19,340
Oh, I'll get it.
252
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:24,390
Oh, lime he is tall. I'm looking upwards
of his knee.
253
00:12:27,770 --> 00:12:29,590
Giles. Hello, pumpkin.
254
00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:34,510
Daddy, this is Giles. Hello, Giles.
255
00:12:34,850 --> 00:12:35,900
Mum.
256
00:12:36,819 --> 00:12:37,869
Hello, sir.
257
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:42,650
You're an officer.
258
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:44,080
You've got pips.
259
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:47,160
Yes. Three of the little beggars on each
shoulder.
260
00:12:47,540 --> 00:12:50,420
I feel like a concertina sometimes.
261
00:12:54,220 --> 00:12:55,270
You know.
262
00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:01,580
That's a very good joke, that is.
263
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:05,470
Well, one likes a laugh and a laugh
about, doesn't one? Oh, one does.
264
00:13:05,471 --> 00:13:08,749
As a matter of fact, I quite often have
the whole mess in stitches.
265
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:09,800
I can imagine that.
266
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:12,240
Here's a good one.
267
00:13:12,241 --> 00:13:16,049
The other evening, several of us were
planning to abseil down the clock tower
268
00:13:16,050 --> 00:13:19,949
the stables when the adjutant had the
most fearful attack of wind. Giles, I
269
00:13:19,950 --> 00:13:21,090
think we ought to go now.
270
00:13:21,870 --> 00:13:22,920
Sorry, Pumpkin.
271
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:24,220
If you say so.
272
00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:26,210
Coat? Yes, of course.
273
00:13:28,001 --> 00:13:29,949
Is this it?
274
00:13:29,950 --> 00:13:31,150
Of course not. There.
275
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:35,880
Not my strong suit, I'm afraid.
276
00:13:36,540 --> 00:13:38,640
Clothes. Suit? Clothes?
277
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,020
We've done another one.
278
00:13:40,140 --> 00:13:41,190
So I have.
279
00:13:41,940 --> 00:13:43,700
Giles, I'm ready to go.
280
00:13:44,060 --> 00:13:45,110
Sorry, Pumpkin.
281
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:47,750
See you downstairs.
282
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:51,600
I see your painting.
283
00:13:52,260 --> 00:13:54,910
That's very astute of you, sir. That's
what I'm doing.
284
00:13:54,940 --> 00:13:55,990
Good hair.
285
00:13:55,991 --> 00:13:57,839
Permission to carry on, sir?
286
00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,200
Yes, do, by all means.
287
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:00,470
Thank you, sir.
288
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:01,920
What a charming chap.
289
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,460
Be with you in a minute, children.
290
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,320
Listen, gutless knight.
291
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:11,850
Don't you dare take the mickey out of
Giles. It's something you'll never be.
292
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,120
Yes, a gink.
293
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,370
I beg your pardon?
294
00:14:16,371 --> 00:14:20,179
Well, let's face it, Lionel. Somebody
who plays his own pips isn't exactly
295
00:14:20,180 --> 00:14:21,820
mastermind here, is he?
296
00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:23,880
He is an officer.
297
00:14:24,220 --> 00:14:26,440
Yes, and a long streak of... Veronica.
298
00:14:27,220 --> 00:14:30,700
Oh, what does it matter? Come on, let's
not keep them waiting, eh?
299
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:32,220
Of course it matters.
300
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,680
Say, Giles becomes our son -in -law.
301
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:38,260
I try very hard to keep it a secret.
302
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:41,760
Did you hear what she said?
303
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:46,919
Don't involve me, Lionel. I'm just an
innocent bystander. Oh, that's it. Take
304
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:47,970
her side.
305
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,180
Three bottles of lager, please, Elmore.
306
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,840
No, no, no. You can put that away. These
are on me.
307
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,420
I feel as though I'm present at a great
moment in history.
308
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:00,730
You are.
309
00:15:00,810 --> 00:15:02,490
Why? Great news.
310
00:15:02,870 --> 00:15:04,430
The wife's left me.
311
00:15:06,390 --> 00:15:07,510
Oh, dear.
312
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:10,490
It's not oh, dear. It's hooray.
313
00:15:11,570 --> 00:15:13,910
How can you say that about your own
wife?
314
00:15:14,350 --> 00:15:18,450
Withy, you never knew her. Go on, you
tell her what she was like.
315
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:24,449
Well, Rose was what you might call an
angry woman. Who knows why? Probably a
316
00:15:24,450 --> 00:15:25,500
childhood trauma.
317
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:30,380
Rubbish! She was a nasty piece of work
from the day she was born.
318
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,220
Why did you marry her, then? She got me
drunk.
319
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:39,259
She used to sit up there all day in that
mauve negligee of hers, slapping creams
320
00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:41,620
on herself, shouting out her orders.
321
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:43,240
Angry, you see, Sandra.
322
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,080
Do you know, she even used to depress
the dog.
323
00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:51,699
Why, he would, even if her shadow fell
on him. He's perked up no end since she
324
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:55,220
went. You should be ashamed talking
about your wife like that.
325
00:15:55,540 --> 00:16:00,439
The only thing I'm ashamed of, miss, is
that I don't have the vocabulary to tell
326
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,920
you how horrible she really was.
327
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:04,639
Cheers, Elmo.
328
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:05,690
Cheers.
329
00:16:05,820 --> 00:16:06,870
There you go.
330
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:09,250
Another long -term relationship up the
spout.
331
00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:10,520
Are you getting at me?
332
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,620
No, just an observation of life.
333
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,880
And anyway, what do you mean, another?
334
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:19,170
Well, there's my brother and his wife.
He's gone off to be a lobster fisherman.
335
00:16:19,340 --> 00:16:22,880
Why? Oh, just a little disagreement over
double glazing.
336
00:16:22,881 --> 00:16:26,059
Then, of course, there's Lionel and
Veronica.
337
00:16:26,060 --> 00:16:28,539
But I thought they were having a sort of
second honeymoon.
338
00:16:28,540 --> 00:16:30,199
No, but I don't give that very long.
339
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,030
Not now that they're arguing over Leslie
all over again.
340
00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:36,440
No, it's change and decay in all around,
I see.
341
00:16:36,740 --> 00:16:38,000
Have you gone religious?
342
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,320
Just another observation, Sandra.
343
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:45,580
that divided we stand, united we fall.
344
00:16:46,020 --> 00:16:50,419
That's just your excuse for running a
mile if a woman so much talks about next
345
00:16:50,420 --> 00:16:53,400
week, let alone next month or next year.
346
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:55,840
Fascinating. What is?
347
00:16:55,841 --> 00:16:56,859
You two.
348
00:16:56,860 --> 00:17:01,279
All of a sudden you seem very
preoccupied with the old Adam and Eve
349
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:02,540
find it very fascinating.
350
00:17:02,860 --> 00:17:05,780
That's because you... I touched a nerve
there, Sandra.
351
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:07,730
Jacko's right.
352
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:08,940
Mind your own business.
353
00:17:09,540 --> 00:17:11,839
Oh, that's very companionable, that is.
354
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:15,529
Three mates out for a lunchtime drink
and only two of them are allowed to
355
00:17:15,530 --> 00:17:17,330
That's because the third mate knows.
356
00:17:18,410 --> 00:17:20,310
Steve! How are you?
357
00:17:20,510 --> 00:17:22,369
Jacko! Nice to see you. Good to see you.
358
00:17:22,730 --> 00:17:26,510
Steve, I haven't seen you for centuries.
Eric, oh, this is great.
359
00:17:26,511 --> 00:17:28,249
Yeah, I thought you was in Canada.
360
00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:31,380
I am, yeah, yeah. What you're looking at
is a hologram of myself.
361
00:17:32,230 --> 00:17:33,280
Can I get your drink?
362
00:17:33,450 --> 00:17:34,500
No, no. Elmo!
363
00:17:35,030 --> 00:17:36,110
Half a bitter, please.
364
00:17:36,250 --> 00:17:40,190
Hello. Steve, I haven't seen you for
ages. Where have you been drinking?
365
00:17:40,750 --> 00:17:43,150
Canada. What was he doing in Canada?
366
00:17:43,750 --> 00:17:45,550
He was in the Mounties, weren't you?
367
00:17:45,970 --> 00:17:47,130
I still am.
368
00:17:47,790 --> 00:17:49,630
I'm over here on a case.
369
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:55,010
Blimey! We're looking for a renegade
lumberjack called Frenchy Ledoux.
370
00:17:55,750 --> 00:17:56,970
Where is he, then?
371
00:17:57,650 --> 00:17:58,850
Somewhere in Streatham.
372
00:18:02,010 --> 00:18:04,970
Well, why haven't you got that uniform
on then, eh?
373
00:18:05,230 --> 00:18:07,580
That would be a bit conspicuous,
wouldn't it?
374
00:18:07,630 --> 00:18:11,390
Walking down Stratomire Road with a red
coat and a big hat on. Come on, Elmo.
375
00:18:11,770 --> 00:18:12,820
Well,
376
00:18:13,470 --> 00:18:15,210
incidentally, that is on me.
377
00:18:15,850 --> 00:18:16,950
Well, thank you, Elmo.
378
00:18:17,250 --> 00:18:18,510
He's had a bit of good news.
379
00:18:18,850 --> 00:18:21,080
Yeah, Steve, we'll introduce you to
Sandra.
380
00:18:21,270 --> 00:18:24,850
Is she, um... Oh, no, no, no, no.
Sandra, this is Steve.
381
00:18:25,050 --> 00:18:26,130
Great old mate of ours.
382
00:18:26,131 --> 00:18:27,229
Hello, Steve.
383
00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:30,449
Nice to meet you, Sandra. Yeah, we did
used to have some good old times, didn't
384
00:18:30,450 --> 00:18:34,090
we, eh? Yeah, we did, eh? The old
football. The old snooker. The old girl.
385
00:18:34,350 --> 00:18:35,400
Yeah, yeah.
386
00:18:36,879 --> 00:18:38,739
Anyway, what are you doing back here?
387
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:43,020
Well, I mean, I like Canada, but I
missed the wide -open spaces of Motspur
388
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,210
so we came home.
389
00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:46,160
We? Yeah, yeah, me and Carol.
390
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:47,730
Married man now.
391
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,560
Oh, I didn't have you down for that.
392
00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:50,710
Yeah, three kids.
393
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:51,840
How many? I've got two.
394
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,380
You haven't. Yeah, two girls. You? Two
boys, one girl.
395
00:18:55,780 --> 00:18:57,680
Oh, you both look so proud.
396
00:18:58,160 --> 00:18:59,720
Don't they look proud, Jackal?
397
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,669
Yeah. I'll tell you who I saw last...
I've got a terrible case of nappy rash
398
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:08,560
the moment, Eric. Oh, dear, have you?
I've had some of that.
399
00:19:09,010 --> 00:19:10,750
What are you both taking for it, eh?
400
00:19:11,930 --> 00:19:13,210
It's no joking matter.
401
00:19:13,790 --> 00:19:15,960
You want to see their poor little red
buns?
402
00:19:16,570 --> 00:19:19,910
No, I don't. Did you have colic? We
thought it was.
403
00:19:20,210 --> 00:19:21,260
Turned out to be wind.
404
00:19:21,590 --> 00:19:22,640
How interesting.
405
00:19:23,290 --> 00:19:24,430
I think it's wonderful.
406
00:19:24,830 --> 00:19:26,910
Young fathers involved with their kids.
407
00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:28,930
Yeah, you got any photos, Steve?
408
00:19:29,030 --> 00:19:30,080
Of course, yeah.
409
00:19:30,330 --> 00:19:31,380
So have I.
410
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:33,770
Here, look.
411
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:35,750
That's James.
412
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:41,360
James with David. Couple of little
tearaways there.
413
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,200
My little Kaiser.
414
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,210
There's my two.
415
00:19:48,260 --> 00:19:49,310
Susie and Katie.
416
00:19:55,420 --> 00:19:56,470
Bye,
417
00:19:56,471 --> 00:19:59,839
Pumpkin. Don't forget you're phoning me
tonight.
418
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:00,890
Righty -ho.
419
00:20:16,490 --> 00:20:17,870
May I be of some assistance?
420
00:20:18,430 --> 00:20:20,950
Oh, I'll be asked a great thing.
421
00:20:26,690 --> 00:20:28,210
I've been here for hours.
422
00:20:28,590 --> 00:20:31,170
Not literally, I hope. Seems like it.
423
00:20:33,570 --> 00:20:34,620
Aren't you tall?
424
00:20:35,510 --> 00:20:36,790
I suppose I must be.
425
00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:40,270
How are you going to do it?
426
00:20:41,050 --> 00:20:42,100
Pardon?
427
00:20:42,870 --> 00:20:43,930
My heel.
428
00:20:43,931 --> 00:20:47,249
I'm afraid I'm going to have to grab
your ankle.
429
00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:48,300
Oh.
430
00:20:48,870 --> 00:20:50,370
Well, all right.
431
00:20:50,870 --> 00:20:55,270
But be circumspect, because until
recently I was a happily married woman.
432
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:56,680
Yes, of course.
433
00:20:57,670 --> 00:20:58,720
Oh!
434
00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:22,660
Well, you should have let me row.
435
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:24,280
You should have volunteered.
436
00:21:24,540 --> 00:21:25,590
I just have.
437
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,090
Oh, look.
438
00:21:29,140 --> 00:21:31,820
Oh, my God, it's a wagon train on its
way to work.
439
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:36,380
Where are you going?
440
00:21:36,381 --> 00:21:39,679
I thought we'd go and have a look at the
aviary. Oh, no, let's say hello to
441
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:40,730
them. And then what?
442
00:21:40,940 --> 00:21:41,990
Pass the time of day.
443
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,590
You can't pass the time of day when it's
parents with their kids.
444
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,260
You get swept along in a torrent of it.
445
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,360
Cutting teeth, learning to walk.
446
00:21:50,670 --> 00:21:51,720
Who's been sick.
447
00:21:51,910 --> 00:21:56,450
Funny little things they say, like,
who's done number twos all by himself,
448
00:21:57,190 --> 00:21:58,240
Oh, me.
449
00:21:58,410 --> 00:22:02,709
I've seen you with Eric's kids. You love
them. Well, of course I do, but not...
450
00:22:02,710 --> 00:22:05,010
but not when I'm out with you, Sandra.
451
00:22:05,370 --> 00:22:06,420
Uncle Jacko!
452
00:22:07,870 --> 00:22:10,590
Hello. How are you? Hello, darling.
453
00:22:13,170 --> 00:22:15,970
Oh, yes, we'd love to come to dinner on
Saturday.
454
00:22:16,250 --> 00:22:17,450
Well, I want to.
455
00:22:17,850 --> 00:22:19,110
Well, go on your own, then.
456
00:22:20,470 --> 00:22:24,549
Oh, all right, I'll come. But I warn
you, with the kids in bed, they'll stick
457
00:22:24,550 --> 00:22:26,900
in high chairs and feed us with plastic
spoons.
458
00:22:27,330 --> 00:22:29,010
He's a funny lad, then.
459
00:22:33,710 --> 00:22:34,930
Well, come on, then.
460
00:22:35,510 --> 00:22:37,130
I'm just looking at the wildlife.
461
00:22:38,310 --> 00:22:40,150
A couple of rabbits.
462
00:22:40,470 --> 00:22:41,520
Oh.
463
00:22:42,790 --> 00:22:44,070
Oh, look, there's Leslie.
464
00:22:48,770 --> 00:22:49,820
Kiss me.
465
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:51,690
What about it?
466
00:22:51,780 --> 00:22:53,180
Good musical, wasn't it?
467
00:23:01,940 --> 00:23:03,880
You pig!
468
00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:06,880
Leslie! Hello!
469
00:23:07,300 --> 00:23:09,260
You two know each other, then?
470
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:11,760
You pig!
471
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:14,380
Excuse me, pumpkin.
472
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:18,820
Look, Leslie...
473
00:23:21,550 --> 00:23:23,050
I feel I owe you an explanation.
474
00:23:23,170 --> 00:23:24,220
There isn't one.
475
00:23:25,390 --> 00:23:26,630
Oh, but there is.
476
00:23:28,410 --> 00:23:29,460
Gloria.
477
00:23:30,290 --> 00:23:31,340
Her?
478
00:23:31,930 --> 00:23:33,450
She's a wonderful girl.
479
00:23:33,930 --> 00:23:36,230
Well, you go back to your wonderful
girl.
480
00:23:36,470 --> 00:23:38,270
But don't expect to see me again.
481
00:23:38,830 --> 00:23:41,330
I hadn't actually anticipated doing so.
482
00:23:42,950 --> 00:23:45,610
Well, I hope you realize what you're
missing.
483
00:23:46,830 --> 00:23:47,910
That's just the thing.
484
00:23:48,970 --> 00:23:50,050
I didn't.
485
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:51,680
Until I met Gloria.
486
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,480
You pig!
487
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,140
Dorothy! Dorothy!
488
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,320
Nedley, Giles, split up.
489
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:17,920
It's terrible.
490
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:19,820
He was perfect for her.
491
00:24:20,530 --> 00:24:22,550
No, Lionel, he was perfect for you.
492
00:24:22,551 --> 00:24:24,389
What do you mean?
493
00:24:24,390 --> 00:24:25,750
Rich, classy and stupid.
494
00:24:26,870 --> 00:24:28,830
He can't be classy and stupid.
495
00:24:29,330 --> 00:24:30,950
We had lunch with him, remember?
496
00:24:31,090 --> 00:24:35,009
The only thing at that table that had
less brains than Giles was my bit of
497
00:24:35,010 --> 00:24:36,060
turbot.
498
00:24:36,430 --> 00:24:40,030
Oh, but did you see the way he handled
his asparagus?
499
00:24:40,031 --> 00:24:43,149
And that qualifies him as a potential
husband, does it?
500
00:24:43,150 --> 00:24:44,710
It's upper stratosphere.
501
00:24:44,711 --> 00:24:48,679
Surely that's what we want for our
daughter, Veronica, isn't it? What
502
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:52,240
What I like most for Leslie is that she
should marry somebody she loves.
503
00:24:52,580 --> 00:24:54,300
She idolised Giles.
504
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,020
Oh, wake up, Lionel, do.
505
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,570
Leslie buys blokes like Giles in packs.
They're disposable.
506
00:24:59,571 --> 00:25:02,919
That's your daughter you're talking
about.
507
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,620
More to the point, my daughter.
508
00:25:04,621 --> 00:25:08,219
Well, that's what she's like. She's
beautiful, but she's difficult.
509
00:25:08,220 --> 00:25:09,879
Yeah, well, she certainly didn't get it
off me.
510
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:10,930
Not the beauty, no.
511
00:25:12,060 --> 00:25:13,860
You never saw me in my pram.
512
00:25:14,580 --> 00:25:18,999
When my mother used to take me out for a
walk... This place used to stop the old
513
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,320
street. Who told you that?
514
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:22,690
My mother.
515
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,890
Yeah, well, she was as biased about you
as you are about Leslie.
516
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,860
Don't you start on my family. My family
goes back generations.
517
00:25:30,780 --> 00:25:33,010
Everybody's family goes back
generations.
518
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,560
Not like mine. My family was known for
things.
519
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:40,300
Yes, not that uncle of yours that was
carted off in a straitjacket.
520
00:25:40,860 --> 00:25:44,720
Uncle Cyril did not set light to that
warehouse.
521
00:25:44,851 --> 00:25:47,809
I don't care what anybody says.
522
00:25:47,810 --> 00:25:51,469
Then why was he found with the petrol
and the cotton wadding? He bought them
523
00:25:51,470 --> 00:25:52,610
his cigarette lighter.
524
00:25:53,510 --> 00:25:56,040
What, a gallon of wine and half a yard
of the other?
525
00:25:56,170 --> 00:25:57,330
He smoked a lot.
526
00:25:58,970 --> 00:26:01,690
They're on about some pyromaniac uncle
now.
527
00:26:02,010 --> 00:26:03,330
It's none of your business.
528
00:26:03,630 --> 00:26:07,429
Oh, I never cease to be amazed at the
bizarre territory that the married row
529
00:26:07,430 --> 00:26:08,480
explores.
530
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:12,979
And I suppose this is more evidence to
support your theory that any
531
00:26:12,980 --> 00:26:16,160
that lasts longer than a split second is
doomed to failure.
532
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,720
Well, I'm not doing badly, am I? Yes,
but look at your example.
533
00:26:20,540 --> 00:26:21,590
There are others.
534
00:26:21,860 --> 00:26:26,260
Yes, and there are my others, like Eric
and Jean and Steve and Carol.
535
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,680
They're not misfits like your crowd.
536
00:26:28,900 --> 00:26:30,460
They're normal people.
537
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,940
Just take a good close look at them when
we go to dinner.
538
00:26:34,340 --> 00:26:36,660
They're not trapped, and they're not...
539
00:26:49,879 --> 00:26:54,200
Oh, for goodness sake. It was only a
little pinch on the arm.
540
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:55,740
It was not a little pinch.
541
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,490
You could still see the mark when I put
her to bed.
542
00:26:58,491 --> 00:27:01,699
Quite frankly, Steve, you should have
clipped him round the ear.
543
00:27:01,700 --> 00:27:04,180
Hurry, we don't believe in hitting our
children.
544
00:27:04,181 --> 00:27:07,319
Which is why they go round pinching
other people's kids.
545
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:08,370
Yeah.
546
00:27:08,780 --> 00:27:11,220
Actually, James isn't a pinching sort of
boy.
547
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:13,200
He was probably provoked.
548
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,140
Susie is a very open child.
549
00:27:16,540 --> 00:27:18,340
She couldn't do anything underhand.
550
00:27:18,380 --> 00:27:21,570
Oh, then what do you call keep snatching
the baby's dummy away?
551
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,580
He was playing with her.
552
00:27:24,060 --> 00:27:25,960
I've only ever seen Susie snatch once.
553
00:27:26,340 --> 00:27:27,390
Well, when was this?
554
00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:31,040
When Katie smacked her round the head
with Mr Happy.
555
00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:35,240
Oh, come on, never mind.
556
00:27:35,900 --> 00:27:37,840
All kids hit. Steve!
557
00:27:37,841 --> 00:27:39,369
Ours don't.
558
00:27:39,370 --> 00:27:43,729
Oh, come on. They bash the living
daylights out of each other. Well, if,
559
00:27:43,730 --> 00:27:46,970
do, then you turn a blind eye. Yeah, you
do too much of that as well.
560
00:27:47,670 --> 00:27:50,690
As a matter of fact, I think of myself
as a bit of a martinet.
561
00:27:51,591 --> 00:27:54,109
What are you laughing at?
562
00:27:54,110 --> 00:27:55,160
A martinet?
563
00:27:55,670 --> 00:27:56,790
You're a jelly baby.
564
00:27:57,310 --> 00:27:59,730
Oh, well, look who's talking.
565
00:28:00,330 --> 00:28:03,280
When discipline's called for, you're
nowhere to be found.
566
00:28:03,390 --> 00:28:06,170
Which is why your kids go around
pinching people.
567
00:28:07,210 --> 00:28:08,260
Ow!
568
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:11,490
He pinched me.
569
00:28:13,220 --> 00:28:15,510
Just trying to qualify for the
conversation.
570
00:28:17,420 --> 00:28:20,860
Have a good look at them when we go to
dinner.
571
00:28:21,300 --> 00:28:22,440
They're normal people.
572
00:28:22,780 --> 00:28:23,830
They're not trapped.
573
00:28:23,831 --> 00:28:24,999
They're not cynical.
574
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,440
They're happy and contented. Oh, dear.
575
00:28:27,700 --> 00:28:29,960
Oh, I do hate people crowing.
576
00:28:30,540 --> 00:28:31,640
Oh, look, Sandra.
577
00:28:31,940 --> 00:28:36,119
The longer people stay together, the
more ins and outs they discover about
578
00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:39,730
other. And every little in and every
little out can be used as ammunition.
579
00:28:39,731 --> 00:28:42,399
Don't hang around for the war, that's
what I say.
580
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:44,540
Enjoy the best of each other, then move
on.
581
00:28:44,541 --> 00:28:48,359
Are you trying to say you've enjoyed the
best of me?
582
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,959
Course not. I keep getting the elbow on
the doorstep, don't I? And I'll tell you
583
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:53,010
something. What?
584
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:55,870
You're getting the elbow on the doorstep
again tonight.
585
00:29:02,620 --> 00:29:07,980
Because of you, these things I do.
586
00:29:10,730 --> 00:29:12,930
Because of you.
587
00:29:14,750 --> 00:29:17,230
Because of you.
588
00:29:17,930 --> 00:29:23,010
Oh, and you love nature.
589
00:29:23,350 --> 00:29:25,150
You love nature.
590
00:29:25,390 --> 00:29:27,290
You love nature.
591
00:29:27,530 --> 00:29:29,430
You love nature.
592
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:34,030
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