Original subtitles

Because of you, these things I do.

Because of you.

Because of you.

All right then, Gaynor. 8 .30

tomorrow night, Gatwick.

Okay, bye.

You would be here.

Is Daddy in yet?

Yes, I would be. No, he's not.

And hello, Philip.

Very nice to see you again.

No, it's not.

I thought it was.

Then you're wrong.

Been playing tennis, have you?

What does it look like?

Well, it's a big court with a net in the middle.

Do you still let her win, Philip?

Philip's never let me win. Have you, Philip?

Have you?

No, no, no, of course not.

My trouble is I can never put it away when I should do.

Oh, that must be a problem, yes.

Yes, it is.

I used to be very proud of my window, too.

Anyone would be, Philip, yes. Particularly the one I used to whip

Leslie's body.

You'll have to tell me about that one sometime.

Stop it, Philip. Can't you see you're playing into his hands?

What hands?

He's trying to drag you down to his level.

God knows what I ever saw in you.

Bit of rough, that's what you saw in me.

Well, you said it.

Well, a Philip have got real qualities.

He's considerate, well -mannered.

Well off.

He's got a great deal of charm.

Steady on, Leslie, I'm going red.

Which is another virtue.

Look, I agree with all this, I just don't understand why you're telling me.

So that you see.

See what?

What sort of man it takes.

To do what?

Make me say yes.

To what?

To marriage.

Philip and I are engaged.

Are we?

I see.

Here we are, my darling. Thank you. A little toast to Leslie and Philip.

Cheers.

Wonderful news, isn't it?

Yes, he's a nice boy, Philip.

He's not only nice, he's a merchant banker.

That's not a job, you know. That is a profession.

Leslie will want a big wedding.

Then she will have a big wedding. Not like our fiasco. All I could afford for

the reception was Elmo's stinking rotten pub.

You did your best.

It was horrible.

Brown ale and sausage rolls.

Well, none of that for my Leslie's wedding.

Our Leslie.

I wonder what channels you have to go through to get St Paul's or Westminster

Abbey.

We shouldn't shoot that high, Lionel. I mean, we're not exactly fully paid -up

members, are we? Some were nice, though. Some were nice. Before we start talking

about the wedding, shouldn't we say something about the engagement party?

We are giving one, aren't we? Course I am. We'll have it here.

Hire a marquee for the garden.

Gallons of champagne.

We'll have a sort of do will make us a legend in Motspur Park.

What about food?

Nothing big.

People will want to eat.

No. to put in the mouth.

Nothing vulgar.

No god fools.

Those little things.

Great platefuls of little things. Things with other things stuck in them. Things

with things folded over on top of them.

Things petrified in jelly.

I know what you mean.

Hey, how about caviar?

Costs the earth, does it? Yeah.

Good. We'll have some of that.

That's a good idea, V.

Who? V.

Often used to call you that.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

You've never called me V.

Haven't I?

No.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Well, I meant to.

Anyway, caviar's still a good idea, V.

I'm going to be busy.

Why? Lots to do, all this food to organise.

You're not doing it.

Oh, I don't mind, Lionel. She is my daughter.

I know that, but everything's got to be perfect, flawless.

Are you saying that I'm not capable?

Oh, you try your best, but I want this done properly.

No, I'm getting professional caterers.

Oh, sorry, Mr Bainbridge.

That's all right, lads. Now I'm done. Come in. Come in, Sandra.

Sit yourselves down.

I've got some wonderful news.

You're going to be there.

In that number?

When the saints go marching in.

No, don't be flesh.

You're both invited to my angels' engagement party.

Plus a guest each.

Blimey. Thank you very much, Mr Bainbridge. Just one note about the

No rubbish.

I shall be bringing my wife.

Of course, I shall also be sending you proper invitations.

Lovely they are. All embossed in gold.

Mr Bainbridge?

Yes, dear.

Why?

I'm not playing about with those handwritten things.

No, I mean, why invite me? I haven't been with the company very long.

It's quality with me, Sandra.

You're a little diamond.

Lionel, am I a diamond?

Isn't it raw, Eric? Yeah.

Crazy indeed.

I know.

Oh, come in.

Has the primrose gloss arrived yet, Lionel?

I don't know.

Incidentally, I have just invited Sandra and Eric to my Leslie's engagement

party. Oh.

I'll wait till you ask the question.

Has the Primrose Gloss arrived yet?

I'm not talking about paint. I'm talking about my daughter's engagement party.

These two have been invited.

Work it out.

I'm sorry you lost me there, Lionel.

He's too thick to even see it. You're not invited.

Oh. You're not. They are.

Oh, good for them, eh? Yeah. Just taught you this, innit? Taught me what?

Taught you not to play games with me, taking my daughter out. Making my

go round like a tumble dryer.

Listen, Lionel, I'm not being you. Scrub me off the list.

And me.

You bloody cunt. Both of you.

No, no, you two go. I'll need someone to tell me how much food Lionel spills

down his shirt.

Sorry about the hold -up. Security, we're having a bit of a purge.

Oh, they have a go at the cabin staff as well, do they? Oh, yeah.

Cabin staff?

You, uh, you were there, huh, Beth?

You were there, yes.

Who for?

British Caledonian.

You wear those kilts, don't you?

Only the one.

Come on, Gaynor, he's stinking. Could take hours.

Do you get it? Get what?

What I was just doing, you know.

Why should I?

Because it's your lot. It's your commercial.

I don't see television.

Why not?

Because I'm flying most of the time.

Sounds good, though, Elmo.

You haven't seen it either.

No. Oh, you must have.

No.

blokes are all doing it to our lot.

Doing what?

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

That's how it goes, is it?

Ah, never mind. It's fallen flat now anyway.

That must be the bane of your life, that television commercial. Oh, don't. And

everyone that does it thinks he's the first to have thought of it.

Anyway, thanks for picking me up.

In the first place or at the airport this evening? Both.

Except, actually, I picked you up in the first place.

Oh, so you did.

Now, about this evening... Oh, hello, Philip. Hello.

Philip, this is Gaynor.

Gaynor, this is Philip. How are you?

Very well, indeed. Thank you. How are you?

Fine, thanks.

Do you want to... No, no, no. I won't take a moment of your time, Jack, eh?

The thing is this.

I've come to think of you as a pretty firm chum.

And I would be delighted if you'd come to my engagement party.

Lionel will be pleased.

Lionel? Well, he made a point of not inviting me. Well, at least I think

what he was on about, anyway. Well, hard cheese.

And, uh... Look, don't feel in any way embarrassed about Leslie.

I know you and she... You two... Yeah, yeah, yeah, I

know what you mean, Peter, yeah.

I'd love to come.

Guest, of course.

Daniel?

Let me just check in my little black book.

You must know a lot of chaps.

And some of the bear planes, too.

When is it?

27th.

That would be lovely. Thank you.

Excellent.

I'll see you both then. Bye, Philip. Bye -bye.

Bye. Bye.

Oi, oi.

He's a very lucky man.

To my Philip and your Leslie, and yes, he is a lucky man.

And now, Ronald, my draft to finance the extension to your premises. Oh, very,

very grateful, Charles, I assure you. You won't regret it.

Sorry for all the delays.

Funny how it's coincided with the engagement being announced.

Yes, extraordinary coincidence, eh?

It goes as far as this, from a distance.

It could look as though one event depended upon the other.

Oh, if anyone were to say that, Charles, they would be utterly out of order.

Absolutely. Of course, you realise what this means?

The floodgates are open.

Floodgates? Yes.

This, after all, is the merging of two great houses. We, the parental

generation, will be intermingling, won't we?

How? Well, round each other's houses.

might come into it. Then, of course, there's golf at your club.

Do you play golf?

No, only putting at the moment.

Pick it up double quick with a bit of coaching from you, Charles.

That would be fun. Oh, another 12 -year -old moot, Charles. No, thank you,

Lionel. I really must run, much as I'd love to stay here and discuss the

of our two great houses.

Lovely talking business and family, Charles. Yes, cheerio, Lionel.

Did you say with me coaching you at golf? Oh, yeah.

Wonderful, wonderful.

In three years' time, I shall be twice my size.

Cost you a fortune in clothes, Lionel.

The business, Thicky.

I'm going places now, just you see.

I'm going to have all my painters in matching dungarees with my signature

out in gold thread on their backs.

With matching eye shadow as well.

Those painters who I retain, I should have said. As for you, Sandra, I'm

thinking of having you done up.

You know, elocution lessons.

Proper clothes.

Do you mind, Mr Bainbridge?

I'm not Eliza Doolittle.

You'll like it.

So everything in your garden's rosy, is it, Lionel? I deserve it.

Well, let me just put the old cherry on the top of the cake for you, shall I?

How? I'm coming to the party.

You're bloody nuts.

Philip invited me.

A fine jackal engraved on his heart.

So who are you taking to the party?

Oh, a nice girl named Gaynor. She works for BK.

They're not even safe in the air.

Who are you taking?

A chap I've been out with once or twice.

Roy Hooper. Very nice.

Roy Hooper?

Yeah. That name rings a bell.

Well, I can't wait for your bell to ring.

I've gone across the road to get Mr Bainbridge a cake for tea.

Bye. Bye.

Roy Hooper.

Well, he looked as though he was going to stay fine for the party, Elmo. I hope

it rains.

I hope everybody drowns.

Well, Elmo says it in person, and I detect the slightest hint of aggravation

that remark.

Lionel should have asked me to do the catering. You?

You can't make a toasty sandwich without fusing the lights.

Lionel had me do the catering when he got married, though, when he didn't have

two brass barbings to rub together.

Do you know how much I knocked sausage rolls up him for?

Cut and save me. Every two people had a plate each.

Did he really stay behind afterwards for the lead -up? Lots of people came up to

me afterwards, shook me by the head.

Oh, don't get maudlin, Elgo.

Cheer up, give us a smile.

I don't want to.

Got under me skin and up me nose now.

Well, if he laugh in the other side of his face come midnight... You're not

going to change into a big vampire bat, are you?

At midnight, when the champagne runs out, pubs shut, off -licences closed,

do they turn to? Good old Elmo.

Well, I will have cases and cases of the stuff on view here. He'll be outside

with his nose pressed up against the window and I'll be in here with the

locked. Very reminiscent of Edgar Allan Poe, your mental resources are.

Yeah.

But you, I've only got one case of champagne left.

Have the same effect, though.

You're Jacko, aren't you?

Yes, I am.

I've given a very good description of you.

Oh, it's the two noses that give me away.

Who gave you the description?

Gaynor. I live downstairs.

I do wish that airline had leave my private life alone.

Yeah, they phoned.

Gaynor tried to ring you at home, but you'd already left.

So I volunteered to come round and find you.

Amazingly accurate of you, that description was.

Just as well, because if it had been a bad description, I could have gone up to

the wrong bloke entirely.

Not that I'd have known it was a bad description, until the other bloke had

he wasn't the bloke I was looking for.

Well, I think you've hit the nail on the head, Meg.

Natasha. Natasha.

Very decent of you to come round and tell me.

Gets me out of the house.

Look, sit down. The least I can do is buy you a drink.

That'd be lovely. I'll have a creme de menthe frappe, please.

Of course.

Come on.

A creme de menthe frappe, please.

A quid.

Do you want ice with it?

Crust iced pillet.

You're a little chock -falling. through, has she?

Yeah, her friends come round to tell me. So now you're taking her instead.

I thought so. I thought so. You are always on about how every woman has some

wonderful qualities. And when it comes to the test, you are as safe as the rest

of us. It's a bravature after.

You call that crusty?

I'm not knocking my work surface into batches for you.

Here we are, Natasha.

Not very well frapped, I'm afraid.

Oh, it doesn't matter. It's the colour I go for.

I like green.

I like all greens.

Emerald green.

Viridian green.

Apple green.

Sea green.

Jade green.

Brunswick green.

Can I ask you something?

What? Why don't you come to the party with me?

Who, me?

Yeah, you.

You'd be doing yourself a disservice, taking me.

Why, what do you do?

I'm not sure, but after five minutes, people start to give me a wide berth.

Well, let's rewrite history, shall we?

Come on.

Oh, dear.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Cheer up, Natasha.

I am cheered up. You see, it's starting already.

Just have to prove a point, don't you?

Your tie's on fire, Elmo. Hey!

to know something.

What?

Well, if not people giving you a wide berth, it's you sticking yourself away

corners that does it.

Do you want to go in the marquee and have some grub?

Not yet, no.

Couldn't you just talk for a little bit more first?

All right, then.

What were we talking about?

My jobs.

Oh, yeah.

Go on, then. Well, after I've finished being a shorthand therapist at

Cuthbertsons... I went to Radley's and became a shorthand typist.

Did you always want to be a shorthand typist?

Oh, no.

I wanted to be a vet.

But I'm allergic to animals.

That's an unkind thrust, isn't it?

Shorthand typing's not that bad.

I mean, you get in a room with, say, 12 other girls all typing away, and

whatever anyone says, conversation's impossible.

You don't have to try and think of interesting things to say.

Your machine covers for you.

Hello, Jacko.

Hello, Eric.

Natasha, say hello to Eric. He's a very good friend of mine.

Hello, Eric.

Natasha. Where's Jean?

Oh, you like Jean, Natasha.

She makes everyone feel at ease. Oh, she couldn't come.

The babysitter let us down.

Oh, I could have babysat for you.

I do a lot of babysitting.

Of course, you didn't know me at the time you got let down.

No.

Anyway, Jacko, I shan't stay long.

20 minutes, then I'll push off.

See you.

Bye, Eric.

Now, what about this food?

No, not yet.

Look, I don't want you taking root, Natasha.

That might help.

Look, pardon?

Look, excuse me, Natasha.

I won't be a minute.

Sorry. Sandra.

Oh, hello.

It's hot in that marquee, isn't it?

Oh, I don't know. I've been in the garden most of the time. Look, I told

knew the name Roy Hooper. Oh, yeah?

He's not the bloke for you, Sandra.

Why? He's not good enough for you.

Look, Jackal, there are times when your jokes wear very thin, and this just

might be one of them.

Look, I'm deadly serious. I know Roy from old. I don't want to know.

What do you know?

Not what.

Him. I know him from old.

And?

And I've never liked him.

And that's your evidence, is it?

Look, I'm not saying he's got a criminal record as long as your arm or anything.

It's just the way he is.

He's never fitted in.

Always on his own.

Secretive. Even when we used to play hooky at school, well, we never knew

he went to.

Perhaps it was the library.

Perhaps it was to read up so that he could better himself, which is what he's

done. You're not paying attention to a word I'm saying, are you? No, because

it's just nasty, Slander.

It's not like you to be vicious, Jacko.

Oh, look, Sands, I'm not being vicious for the sake of it.

You're a nice girl. I just don't want to see you mixed up with a load of rubbish

like him.

Dog in a manger.

Aren't girls supposed to go out with anybody else after they've been out with

you? All right, I've tried my best.

Just watch him, that's all.

Leave it alone, Roy.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, and you leave her alone.

Sorry.

Where did you get the book from?

I always carry one with me.

Country Tactics of the Franco -Prussian Conflict.

You're declaring war on someone, are you, Natasha?

No, I'm reading it for pleasure.

It's one of my accidentals.

I think you'll have to explain that.

Well, I've got three libraries.

With my first ticket, I get three books I really like the look of.

With my second ticket, I get three other books I really like the look of. But

with my third ticket, I go into non -fiction, close my eyes and pick the

three books I hit.

Oh.

That's a bit masochistic, though, isn't it? I mean, lumbering yourself with

three books you don't really want.

Broadens the mind.

Keeps me fresh.

Look, Natasha, this is a party. Why don't you put your book away and, well,

seen some caviar in the marquee. That'll get your motor running, eh?

All right.

Excuse me, Natasha.

Right.

I was just coming over to say hello.

Yes, I know.

That's why I thought I'd head you off at the pass. I only wanted to meet your

very, very beautiful companion.

Look, Leslie, don't you think it's about time you stopped acting like Lady

Macbeth? It's all aggro with you, isn't it?

It's not any of your business.

Look, I like Philip.

He's a decent bloke.

His sense of self -preservation might be a bit suspect, but he's a decent bloke.

Give him the best of you.

I thought I was rotten for the call.

Remember Wimbledon Common?

No.

Yes, you do.

Be like that with him.

I don't need advice from you.

Sorry, Melanie, darling.

Uncle Luke waylaid me and started talking about commodity.

That's all right, darling.

Oh, dear, you're all hot.

Must be the luckiest man in the world, eh, Jacko?

Could be, Philip.

Have you seen Charles?

He went out.

Oh, because I was chatting to him about who he could get to second me at his

golf club.

That's probably why he went out.

In any case, you could break completely with convention and chat to your wife.

I am circulating, Veronica.

That's what you have to do.

Oh, spin -off then.

I say we don't want to be able to when we're by ourselves.

Oh, there she is.

She's just walking into the marquee. She didn't materialise like a saint.

What an incredibly lucky boy that Philip is.

Yes, he is.

Yes, he is.

Any man would envy that boy.

The only man in the world.

That's what I'm saying.

Would I be near the point if I said Lionel?

Right on it.

I even wondered how much more I could take.

Now I know.

No more at all.

I'd like to think you just had one of your, well, your usual little run -ins,

but... You're going to leave him, aren't you?

Yes, I am.

Did he know?

No.

Mind you, if I had it announced by a tannoy, he wouldn't take it in.

I couldn't have told you. No.

There are no couldn'ts.

Couldn'ts and possibly and perhaps.

I've run out of all of them.

I think people who get themselves into parties through the side door ought to

make themselves useful.

As a doorman, presumably.

Four times I've had to answer this door in the last half hour. I am trying to

circulate. We'll make it five, then.

A little token of friendship from an old mate, Lionel. Oh, thanks, Elmo.

Ta -ra.

Lots of things going on, Natasha.

Sorry.

Any developments?

I've been to the toilet.

That's something different, isn't it?

There was something else.

On the way back from the toilet, I saw your friend Eric.

He said he was going home.

Oh, sure, it was him.

He was in the marquee, singing to a woman.

Natasha, what can I say?

in a minute.

Sorry.

You gave your love so sweet.

Hello,

Eric. No, no, you're Eric. Come on. You've got me drunk, you little thinker.

Sorry, madam, he had a deprived childhood.

I used his brain for an experiment, never give it all back.

She said I would have her back. No, she didn't. She did. She did. She did. No,

she didn't. No, she didn't. Come on.

It's all right, mate. He's not violent.

Just turn your radio on and he'll go off like a baby.

Away you go.

Not reading? I've finished the book.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Look, for all sorts of reasons, I've been... You don't have to explain.

It always happens when I go out with a bloke. He always ends up somewhere else.

I'm not like that.

It doesn't matter.

Look, it does.

Look, this party's not been very lucky for us, has it?

What's so we go somewhere else, eh?

I am hungry.

You've got every right to be. I haven't fed you either.

I'll have to get my coat from the marquee. No, don't worry about that.

that. And I really will be back in two seconds if I'm... Oh, incidentally, if

should end up somewhere, I'm not very good at doodars.

We don't necessarily have to do doodars.

I'm Cassandra.

I'm Jacko.

I thought you were.

I'm one of Leslie's friends.

We certainly used to make her dance about a bit.

Well, I used to put hot pennies in her shoes.

I've never known a man do that to her before.

I'm very bored here.

Oh, yeah?

Shall we, uh... Oh, I'd love to, uh...

I can't.

Why? Well, I'm taking somebody else out.

Oh.

You're not?

Oh, my.

We shall never know.

Because.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0