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Because of you, these things I do.
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00:00:18,950 --> 00:00:25,590
Because of you, because of you.
3
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I don't know. I haven't got them
anymore.
4
00:00:41,980 --> 00:00:43,030
Did you miss me?
5
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Not a lot, no.
6
00:00:44,151 --> 00:00:47,079
I had hoped you'd come and visit me in
hospital, Sandra.
7
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Not enough nurses?
8
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I was desperately ill.
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You must have been.
10
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Why are you standing so close to me?
11
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Well, I've got to. My voice won't carry
any further.
12
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,420
And I get these giddy spells.
13
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I've got a funny arm.
14
00:00:59,441 --> 00:01:00,399
Have you?
15
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:04,139
Yes. It keeps lashing out of its own
accord and hitting people round the ear
16
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hole. The same half -person you were two
weeks ago, Sandra.
17
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Certainly am.
18
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,010
Hello, Philip.
19
00:01:10,011 --> 00:01:11,939
How's the world of merchant banking?
20
00:01:11,940 --> 00:01:13,380
Pretty bullish at the moment.
21
00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:15,790
Oh, never mind. Or terrific, as the case
may be.
22
00:01:16,260 --> 00:01:17,720
I hear you've been off sick.
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00:01:18,340 --> 00:01:21,899
Yeah. Mind you, I'll have to produce me
tonsils in a jar if Lionel's to be
24
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convinced. I'm having a couple of days
off myself.
25
00:01:24,820 --> 00:01:25,870
Oh, not well?
26
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No, just didn't feel like going in.
27
00:01:28,660 --> 00:01:29,710
Oh.
28
00:01:30,140 --> 00:01:33,220
I must say, you're looking very pretty
today, Sandra.
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Thank you.
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I don't suppose you'd be free for lunch,
would you?
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Afraid I wouldn't.
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00:01:40,479 --> 00:01:42,159
Only because you think I... Oh, Jacko.
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Lionel said you were to go straight in
when he was free.
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Right.
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Only because you think I am.
36
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Free for lunch.
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00:01:50,780 --> 00:01:52,340
Well, I hope you enjoy yourself.
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Close the door.
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00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:56,970
Hello, Lionel.
40
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Sit down.
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Here you are.
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00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,260
Thanks for the get well soon card.
43
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:04,000
I didn't send you one.
44
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Yes, you did. Get well soon. Love from
Veronica and Lionel.
45
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:08,840
Wasn't my writing, was it?
46
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:10,620
No, true. No, it was joined up.
47
00:02:10,979 --> 00:02:12,029
Oh, ha, ha.
48
00:02:12,030 --> 00:02:16,419
Pity they didn't take your so -called
wit out while you were in hospital.
49
00:02:16,420 --> 00:02:17,439
My what?
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00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:18,620
Wit. Oh.
51
00:02:18,621 --> 00:02:22,319
I thought you'd been talking to Philip.
What did he want?
52
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See this?
53
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,010
Mind it.
54
00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:28,479
As a matter of fact, we were talking
high finance. Merchant Bank, you know.
55
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Yeah, I know.
56
00:02:29,860 --> 00:02:32,270
I see the market's rather bullish at the
moment.
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00:02:32,271 --> 00:02:33,279
Is it?
58
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:34,980
Yeah. How do you see it, Lionel?
59
00:02:36,140 --> 00:02:37,460
Look, I haven't got all day.
60
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:38,990
Now then.
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00:02:39,020 --> 00:02:43,050
After two weeks of malingering, can you
finally declare yourself fit for work?
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00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:44,490
Malingering?
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00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:47,110
Tonsillitis is very dangerous at my age,
you know.
64
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:49,240
Rubbish. The old thing was
psychosomatic.
65
00:02:49,241 --> 00:02:50,439
Did what?
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00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:51,490
Brought on mentally.
67
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:57,079
I was talking to a bloke at the lodge,
er, somewhere, and he was telling me
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00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:00,660
quite a lot of illness is brought on by
the psycho.
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00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:02,400
I eat the mind.
70
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:06,400
Oh, I see. So I had tonsillitis because
Fulham got knocked out of the cup.
71
00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:10,460
You had tonsillitis because my daughter
packed you in.
72
00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:11,950
It's mutual.
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Well, Leslie didn't have tonsillitis.
74
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No, no, no, no. It was mutual. We packed
each other in.
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00:03:17,620 --> 00:03:21,220
Rubbish. The scales fell from her eyes.
That's what happened.
76
00:03:21,221 --> 00:03:23,999
Oh, well, have it your own way. Plenty
more fish in the sea.
77
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,020
Yeah. Sprats, in your case.
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00:03:26,021 --> 00:03:29,439
Don't kid yourself, you'll never get
close to a lovely great addict like my
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00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:30,439
Leslie again.
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An addict?
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00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:32,770
No,
82
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:36,480
what's the word I'm looking for? Um,
angelfish.
83
00:03:37,460 --> 00:03:39,870
So what's she up to, then, apart from
swimming?
84
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,940
She's having a first -class holiday in
the United States of America.
85
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,080
Sending you a lot of cards, is she?
86
00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:50,050
No, well, she can't. She's moving about
too much. Oh, I see.
87
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,470
She'll be back in a couple of days,
though. Bless her.
88
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Give her my best.
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00:03:54,851 --> 00:03:58,619
Now that she's come to her senses, she
wouldn't wipe her shoes on your best.
90
00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:01,420
She'll be back on course with the right
kind of people.
91
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,760
The natural leaders of this world. Like
Philip.
92
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,300
I don't suppose you'd be free for lunch?
93
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:08,610
No, I wouldn't.
94
00:04:08,611 --> 00:04:11,919
Anyway, I wouldn't have lunch with you
anyway.
95
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,579
Now I was thinking of something else.
96
00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:15,380
Yeah, well, try thinking about work.
97
00:04:16,019 --> 00:04:17,159
Psychosomatic, Harry.
98
00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:18,590
How are the days?
99
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:19,699
What, the store?
100
00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:21,679
Yeah, Eric's waiting for you in the
dress department.
101
00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:23,600
Oh, I hope he's wearing something nice.
102
00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:26,790
Nice creep gathered at the waist of...
Oh, cut it out.
103
00:04:27,790 --> 00:04:29,590
You're so predictable, aren't you?
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All right then, Lionel.
105
00:04:31,470 --> 00:04:33,390
What do you think he should be wearing?
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00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:35,400
Clear off!
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00:04:36,970 --> 00:04:38,020
Here, incidentally.
108
00:04:38,470 --> 00:04:40,770
The guy in the next bed to me knew you,
you know.
109
00:04:41,050 --> 00:04:42,690
He spoke very highly of you.
110
00:04:42,691 --> 00:04:43,649
Did he?
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00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:45,010
Yeah. What was his name?
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I can't remember.
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He was in for a brain scan.
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Oh.
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00:04:50,670 --> 00:04:54,629
Well... Any night you could see your way
clear to, then. What do you mean, see
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00:04:54,630 --> 00:04:55,710
my way clear to?
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00:04:56,010 --> 00:04:57,370
I'm not a clairvoyant.
118
00:04:57,590 --> 00:04:58,670
No, I've offended you.
119
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I've got an idea. Excuse me, Philip.
I've got to take these in to Mr
120
00:05:05,470 --> 00:05:06,520
She's like stone.
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00:05:06,630 --> 00:05:07,680
Like stone.
122
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:10,460
I don't know.
123
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:11,590
No, you don't, do you?
124
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I think I'll go home.
125
00:05:13,450 --> 00:05:14,500
Do what?
126
00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:16,890
You've got a Mercedes parked outside.
127
00:05:17,090 --> 00:05:20,520
You've got money in your pocket. Giving
yourself a couple of days off.
128
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:24,319
The world is your oyster, Philip. What's
the point of the world being my oyster
129
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:25,820
if I can't even open the shell?
130
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:27,490
Fancy a swift half?
131
00:05:28,740 --> 00:05:32,140
I wouldn't say no, actually, but aren't
you afraid to be working?
132
00:05:32,380 --> 00:05:36,359
No, you know Lionel's kindly nature.
He's very insistent that I ease myself
133
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:37,239
into it gradually.
134
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,420
Very thoughtful of him.
135
00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:40,380
That man is a saint.
136
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,450
Oh, hum.
137
00:05:52,780 --> 00:05:56,270
Oh, I mean, Philip, you're beginning to
sound like a Gregorian charm.
138
00:05:56,620 --> 00:05:57,720
It's all right for you.
139
00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:02,040
You seem to be able to simply crook your
little finger and go come running.
140
00:06:02,940 --> 00:06:07,140
If I were to crook my little finger,
somebody would hang their hat on it.
141
00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:10,390
It's not surprising, Philip, with your
attitude.
142
00:06:10,391 --> 00:06:11,839
What do you mean, attitude?
143
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:14,070
Well, flackied Philip, the humble
bumbler.
144
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,890
All this, I don't suppose you could
possibly.
145
00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:18,740
Could you see your way clear to?
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00:06:18,741 --> 00:06:22,799
Pardon me for daring to be near you in
the first place. See, women don't like
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00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,840
that. I don't have it in me to act the
caveman.
148
00:06:26,580 --> 00:06:30,010
Well, I'm not asking you to club them
senseless, Philip. Just be more
149
00:06:30,220 --> 00:06:32,690
I suppose that's how you took Leslie
away from me.
150
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:35,250
Yes. So you should have come round and
thumped me.
151
00:06:35,251 --> 00:06:36,099
I did.
152
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:39,719
And Leslie called me a brute. Yes, yes,
no, that was the wrong example, that
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00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,090
one, Philip, no. I think Leslie was just
in the mood for a bit of rough.
154
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,840
It's not just Leslie, it's women in
general.
155
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:50,370
They always will be, Philip, as long as
you put them on a pedestal.
156
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,420
When did you start going out with girls?
157
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,200
Oh, I must have been six or seven.
158
00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:59,300
No, I mean properly.
159
00:06:59,301 --> 00:07:00,799
Oh, that?
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00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:01,850
Oh, much later.
161
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,010
Twelve.
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00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:05,760
I was 21.
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00:07:06,780 --> 00:07:07,830
Public school?
164
00:07:08,180 --> 00:07:12,439
Yes. Yeah, see. Now, I'm the first to
applaud the public school for the
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00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,839
achievement, but when it comes around to
teaching little boys about little
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00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,340
girls, well, they're rubbish.
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00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,080
Be more assertive.
168
00:07:19,380 --> 00:07:20,940
That's what you're saying? Yes.
169
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:24,239
Now, if a woman wants to treat you like
a doormat, Philip, tell her to go to war
170
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:25,239
with some bioware.
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00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,160
James Cagney used to squash grapefruits
in girls' faces.
172
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,690
No, no, I wouldn't recommend that. No,
no.
173
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:35,300
I'm not advocating all that treat them
rough nonsense. Just be firm but fair.
174
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:37,500
Courteous but not creepy.
175
00:07:37,501 --> 00:07:41,509
And if at the end of the day it doesn't
work, it doesn't hurt to suggest you're
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slightly dangerous into the bargain.
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00:07:44,870 --> 00:07:47,280
Who are you going out with at the
moment, Jacko?
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00:07:47,710 --> 00:07:48,760
No -one.
179
00:07:49,610 --> 00:07:52,680
Only because I've been mouldering in
hospital for two weeks.
180
00:07:53,930 --> 00:07:56,220
You're more profound than you look, you
know.
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00:07:57,750 --> 00:07:59,050
I'm like a lift, Philip.
182
00:08:00,030 --> 00:08:01,530
Depends what button you press.
183
00:08:04,430 --> 00:08:09,890
The owl... is capable of rotating its
head through 180 degrees.
184
00:08:10,610 --> 00:08:11,660
Lucky old Al.
185
00:08:12,930 --> 00:08:17,570
The chameleon's eyes themselves rotate
in order to look behind it.
186
00:08:17,571 --> 00:08:20,869
You're a funder of zoological wisdom
today, you are, Eric.
187
00:08:20,870 --> 00:08:22,130
Well, it's looking at you.
188
00:08:22,131 --> 00:08:24,309
Well, let's face it, I've just come out
of hospital.
189
00:08:24,310 --> 00:08:25,360
Any nurses?
190
00:08:25,361 --> 00:08:29,369
Yeah, but they didn't seem to be the
fantasy figures of yesteryear. Perhaps
191
00:08:29,370 --> 00:08:30,420
was the antibiotics.
192
00:08:30,421 --> 00:08:32,949
There was a physiotherapist, though.
193
00:08:32,950 --> 00:08:34,610
There's always a physiotherapy.
194
00:08:34,611 --> 00:08:38,149
Yeah, I asked her to help me with me
gargling, but she didn't want to have
195
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,200
of it.
196
00:08:39,201 --> 00:08:44,349
Now, that's better than all the medicine
in the world, that is.
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00:08:44,350 --> 00:08:46,820
Do you think she'd value my opinion on
her dress?
198
00:08:46,850 --> 00:08:48,050
I shouldn't think so, no.
199
00:08:48,290 --> 00:08:49,790
I'll go and give it to her, then.
200
00:08:50,901 --> 00:08:55,309
Would you like a man's opinion on that
dress?
201
00:08:55,310 --> 00:08:56,360
Yes.
202
00:08:57,450 --> 00:08:58,500
Where is he?
203
00:08:58,501 --> 00:09:03,969
Before eyes and neck, two things occur
to me. One matches the colour and the
204
00:09:03,970 --> 00:09:04,769
other the line.
205
00:09:04,770 --> 00:09:06,210
Do you talk to yourself a lot?
206
00:09:06,390 --> 00:09:08,190
That dress is saying something to me.
207
00:09:08,210 --> 00:09:10,290
Oh, dresses talk to you as well, do
they?
208
00:09:10,291 --> 00:09:13,349
Yes, it's saying that its first outing
should be to an Italian restaurant
209
00:09:13,350 --> 00:09:16,789
because it conjures up the warmth and
passion of that lovely country.
210
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:19,050
It's made in Taiwan, actually.
211
00:09:19,570 --> 00:09:22,700
And by sheer coincidence, I know the
very Italian restaurant.
212
00:09:23,010 --> 00:09:24,210
Oh, I see.
213
00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:26,850
You want to take this dress out to
dinner.
214
00:09:27,270 --> 00:09:28,730
How very perceptive of you.
215
00:09:29,460 --> 00:09:30,700
Well, I'm not buying it.
216
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:33,520
So I'll have it put in a bag for you.
217
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,920
That all went very well, didn't it?
218
00:09:41,921 --> 00:09:46,279
I'm a bit ring -rusty, that's all. Like
a boxer who hasn't had a bout for a
219
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:47,880
while. My timing's a bit awry.
220
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:49,780
So long as that's all.
221
00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:51,130
All? Yeah.
222
00:09:51,131 --> 00:09:54,729
I've seen it happen to blokes who've
been in hospital before, you know.
223
00:09:54,730 --> 00:09:59,089
I only have my tonsils out, Eric. No,
it's something to do with nurses having
224
00:09:59,090 --> 00:10:00,870
total power over you.
225
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:06,090
They can stick thermometers in your
mouth or elsewhere whenever they want
226
00:10:06,650 --> 00:10:10,570
They can turn you over, give you a bed
bath, put you on your potty.
227
00:10:11,630 --> 00:10:16,269
You may go in thinking of yourself as an
adult male, but a few hours in their
228
00:10:16,270 --> 00:10:18,710
hands and you're reduced to a squeaky
toy.
229
00:10:18,950 --> 00:10:20,690
What are you talking about?
230
00:10:22,210 --> 00:10:23,260
Emasculation.
231
00:10:23,261 --> 00:10:27,919
Look, a lot of things could happen to
me, Eric, but emasculation's not one of
232
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,080
them. It's just a theory.
233
00:10:29,660 --> 00:10:33,799
What you witnessed there was a failure.
Well, I have dozens of those, but I'm
234
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,930
fireproof. Because I put the work in, I
get my successes as well.
235
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,600
Or could it be the beginning of the Ice
Age for you? Rubbish.
236
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:42,390
Excuse me.
237
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:46,330
Yes?
238
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,300
Your shoulder strap's showing.
239
00:11:02,350 --> 00:11:03,400
Got to catch a train.
240
00:11:03,461 --> 00:11:05,429
Oh, yeah.
241
00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:07,470
What, both of them? Yes.
242
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:12,070
Chilly evening, isn't it?
243
00:11:12,430 --> 00:11:13,650
It is a bit parky.
244
00:11:14,270 --> 00:11:16,860
Almost as if that ice surge I mentioned
had started.
245
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,070
Do you have to drink in this pub?
246
00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:23,870
It is extraordinary, though, isn't it? I
mean, two days working in a ladies'
247
00:11:23,930 --> 00:11:26,770
dress department, of all places, and
nothing.
248
00:11:27,370 --> 00:11:29,840
You haven't seen me in the evenings,
have you? No.
249
00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:34,200
But both nights, Jean and I heard those
lonely footsteps on the stairs.
250
00:11:34,201 --> 00:11:37,759
I don't know why you're making a meal of
this. I'm not desperate.
251
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:38,679
Not desperate?
252
00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:41,439
Half an hour ago, you were chatting up
Elmo's cleaning lady.
253
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:45,559
I was not chatting her up. I was merely
telling her quite discreetly that her
254
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:46,610
wig was lopsided.
255
00:11:46,611 --> 00:11:49,839
I bet if she'd have asked you out for a
meal, you'd have gone. It's peculiar,
256
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:54,599
though. I'm the same person, I say the
same thing, conduct myself in the same
257
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,420
agreeable manner, and nothing.
258
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,180
Pratt, time has passed you by.
259
00:11:59,181 --> 00:12:00,889
What, you're too weak?
260
00:12:00,890 --> 00:12:02,510
Or perhaps you're a spent force.
261
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:05,460
Perhaps you're like a rocket on
fireworks night.
262
00:12:05,461 --> 00:12:09,389
It's all right when you're shooting up
in the sky with sparks coming from under
263
00:12:09,390 --> 00:12:10,189
your coat.
264
00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:15,650
But perhaps now you're just an empty
case on the end of a stick.
265
00:12:17,030 --> 00:12:18,530
Lying in the gutter.
266
00:12:18,531 --> 00:12:22,129
Incidentally, would you do me a favour?
267
00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:23,180
What, after that?
268
00:12:24,150 --> 00:12:27,100
Come back to the office and put that on
Lionel's desk for us.
269
00:12:27,101 --> 00:12:29,599
You know what it's like if you don't get
it Thursday. We don't get the money
270
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,460
Friday. All right, I'm not doing
anything again yet.
271
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,860
Right, I'm off then.
272
00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:38,120
Home to me loving wife.
273
00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:43,360
That must sound very dull to a young
buck like yourself.
274
00:12:44,740 --> 00:12:49,959
I mean, you have the really exciting
prospect of waking up in the morning
275
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,320
totally strange wig on the pillow beside
you.
276
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:58,659
Listen. When the red light shows, it
means you can go across the crossing.
277
00:12:58,660 --> 00:12:59,710
right, Eric.
278
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,740
Hello, Sandra. Why are you still here?
279
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:08,140
I'm waiting for somebody.
280
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,080
Well, here I am. Not you.
281
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:11,530
I've got a date.
282
00:13:11,531 --> 00:13:14,259
Well, you'll only spend all evening
thinking about us.
283
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:15,880
You have got a vivid imagination.
284
00:13:15,881 --> 00:13:19,819
Well, I don't know, Sandra. I must be
labouring under some misapprehension.
285
00:13:19,820 --> 00:13:22,230
I always thought we had a special
relationship.
286
00:13:23,790 --> 00:13:25,450
We don't go out with each other.
287
00:13:26,170 --> 00:13:29,180
Nonsense, Sandra. We've had some
wonderful times together.
288
00:13:29,450 --> 00:13:31,010
Not the way I remember them.
289
00:13:32,190 --> 00:13:34,310
Let's make now the beginning for us, eh?
290
00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:37,090
You've been stood up.
291
00:13:37,470 --> 00:13:41,070
No, I haven't. And I've told you anyway,
I'm waiting for somebody else.
292
00:13:41,550 --> 00:13:42,600
Fair enough, Sandra.
293
00:13:42,930 --> 00:13:44,850
I'll just put these overtime sheets in.
294
00:13:48,170 --> 00:13:51,720
I kept calling out your name when I was
under the anaesthetic, you know.
295
00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:54,470
Do you have to be drugged to remember
who I am, then?
296
00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:59,350
Sandra! Oh, Sandra, I kept calling. How
do you know you were unconscious?
297
00:13:59,930 --> 00:14:01,130
They told me afterwards.
298
00:14:01,570 --> 00:14:02,620
Just a minute.
299
00:14:03,130 --> 00:14:05,150
You had your tonsils out, didn't you?
300
00:14:05,151 --> 00:14:09,009
Ah, I know what you're going to ask. How
could I possibly be calling out your
301
00:14:09,010 --> 00:14:11,540
name with a surgeon's arm halfway down
my throat?
302
00:14:11,670 --> 00:14:12,720
Did it occur?
303
00:14:12,910 --> 00:14:14,050
With great difficulty.
304
00:14:14,510 --> 00:14:17,520
Which just shows the depth of feeling I
have for you, Sandra.
305
00:14:18,790 --> 00:14:20,750
Oh, no, Flannel, let's go out, please.
306
00:14:21,470 --> 00:14:22,520
Are you deaf?
307
00:14:22,650 --> 00:14:25,330
I am going out with somebody else.
308
00:14:25,810 --> 00:14:27,730
I don't believe in letting people down.
309
00:14:27,731 --> 00:14:31,509
Look, Sandra, supposing I only had three
days to live, could you in all
310
00:14:31,510 --> 00:14:32,890
conscience... Ready, Sandra?
311
00:14:33,390 --> 00:14:34,990
Ah, hello, Jacko.
312
00:14:35,290 --> 00:14:36,340
Hello, Philip.
313
00:14:36,770 --> 00:14:37,820
Goodbye.
314
00:14:40,750 --> 00:14:42,290
Thanks for the pep talk, Jacko.
315
00:14:42,510 --> 00:14:46,430
I did a third to myself and, well,
everything's turned up trump.
316
00:14:49,709 --> 00:14:51,269
Really pleased for you, Philip.
317
00:14:51,710 --> 00:14:54,890
Last orders, ladies and gentlemen. Last
orders, please.
318
00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,430
What the lager, please, Elmo?
319
00:14:59,450 --> 00:15:01,670
And what's your young lady having?
320
00:15:02,170 --> 00:15:03,220
What young lady?
321
00:15:03,310 --> 00:15:06,170
The one you obviously haven't pulled
tonight.
322
00:15:06,690 --> 00:15:08,310
It's not true what they say, Elmo.
323
00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:11,710
What isn't? That satire died with Oscar
Wilde. Who?
324
00:15:12,070 --> 00:15:15,440
Oh, an Irish bricklayer used to come in
here and drink rum and black.
325
00:15:15,450 --> 00:15:16,500
70p.
326
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,880
Yes, funny seeing you in here on your
own.
327
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:24,379
I would have thought after two weeks in
hospital, you'd have been in here every
328
00:15:24,380 --> 00:15:26,800
night, knee -deep in chorus, girls.
329
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,720
I wasn't in hospital, Elmo.
330
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:32,200
I was in a monastery on the Greek island
of Athos.
331
00:15:32,620 --> 00:15:37,979
Athos? See, I've decided to become
totally celibate, to tune my whole being
332
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:41,760
spiritual matters. I don't believe a
word of that. It's true.
333
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:45,480
It can't be, and I'll tell you why, for
a start -off.
334
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:50,939
Athos can't be the name of a Greek
island because it is the name of one of
335
00:15:50,940 --> 00:15:51,990
three musketeers.
336
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:56,439
I don't know why I cross swords with
you, Elmo. You tear me to shreds every
337
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:57,490
time.
338
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:04,330
Oh, hello.
339
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,220
Hello, Isabel. Can I join you?
340
00:16:07,221 --> 00:16:08,459
Yeah, come on.
341
00:16:08,460 --> 00:16:09,510
Cheers.
342
00:16:11,940 --> 00:16:13,860
Funny to see you on your own.
343
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,240
Yeah? I can hardly ever remember seeing
you on your own.
344
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,730
All right, Isabel, no need to make a
meal of it.
345
00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:22,580
Of course, I'm used to being on my own.
346
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:27,500
Oh, by the way, am I on straight?
347
00:16:28,860 --> 00:16:30,920
You're sitting very nicely, Isabel.
348
00:16:30,921 --> 00:16:34,639
Of course, I've got air of my own, you
know. Oh, I didn't doubt that for a
349
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:38,720
moment. It's just that during the years,
I got fed up with it.
350
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:42,860
I found my budgie.
351
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:46,600
Stiff as a board at the butt of his cage
this morning.
352
00:16:46,980 --> 00:16:48,660
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Isabel.
353
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,020
Yes, that's a bit of a wrench.
354
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:52,860
Not that he talks.
355
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:55,420
Good listener, though, eh? Who knows?
356
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,480
But I used to talk to him a lot.
357
00:16:57,481 --> 00:17:00,459
Were you ever married, Isabel?
358
00:17:00,460 --> 00:17:01,510
No.
359
00:17:01,580 --> 00:17:04,280
I lived with a Polish seaman for some
years.
360
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:06,740
Oh, did you? Yes.
361
00:17:07,599 --> 00:17:10,319
But his wife kept on writing and...
362
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,380
In the end, he went home to Gdansk.
363
00:17:15,579 --> 00:17:17,160
It's about time you got married.
364
00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:18,980
Oh, don't say that, Isabel.
365
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,910
I'm more of a sprinter, not your
marathon runner.
366
00:17:21,911 --> 00:17:25,098
Oh, you don't want to leave it too late,
you know. Oh, there's plenty of time.
367
00:17:25,099 --> 00:17:27,749
That's what my brother Billy said, do
you remember?
368
00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:29,939
No, I don't think I know your brother
Billy, no.
369
00:17:29,940 --> 00:17:31,040
Oh, I know.
370
00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:33,760
Well, he was a bit of a gay play, like
you.
371
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,319
Good for him.
372
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,370
No, not really.
373
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:40,320
By the time he decided he wanted to
settle down, nobody would have him.
374
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,320
So, he hung himself in the scullery.
375
00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:47,730
Which is all very cheerful, isn't it,
Isabel?
376
00:17:48,180 --> 00:17:50,580
Lost one of my family to go, he was.
377
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,300
None of them left now.
378
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,250
But you have to laugh, though, don't
you?
379
00:17:55,540 --> 00:18:01,519
Why? Well, I was as sickly one as a
child, and here I am, in good health,
380
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:04,180
faculties, and lots of years to look
forward to.
381
00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:06,190
Absolutely.
382
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,480
Do you like Italian food, Isabel?
383
00:18:10,370 --> 00:18:12,210
I don't know what it is, dear.
384
00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:17,630
Well, it's pasta, lasagna, spaghetti,
stuff like that. Oh, that sort of thing.
385
00:18:17,850 --> 00:18:19,130
I've had spaghetti hoops.
386
00:18:19,490 --> 00:18:20,540
Oh.
387
00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:25,469
No, it's different than that. It's more
sauces, like parmesan cheese and
388
00:18:25,470 --> 00:18:29,950
zucchini. Little baby maras, all fried,
you know. Oh, sounds lovely.
389
00:18:30,830 --> 00:18:34,430
On a very nice Italian restaurant not
far from here. Thanks for coming.
390
00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:37,120
What, you and me?
391
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:38,400
Yeah.
392
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:41,940
Us. Yes, Isabel, you, me, up together,
eh?
393
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:45,520
Oh, no, thank you.
394
00:18:45,521 --> 00:18:48,319
Oh, look, don't worry about the money.
I'll be paying.
395
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,370
Oh, it's not that.
396
00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:53,620
What was it, then? Well, it took me a
long time to live down my Polish semen.
397
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:58,739
And if I walk out of here on your arm,
well, bang goes my reputation once and
398
00:18:58,740 --> 00:18:59,790
for all.
399
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:11,330
Hello, darling. Did you have a nice
holiday?
400
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:13,660
Yes. Nothing, thank you.
401
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:18,320
She looked like a film star coming down
that gangplank, Veronica.
402
00:19:18,321 --> 00:19:20,059
What time did the ship dock?
403
00:19:20,060 --> 00:19:21,760
Right on the button. Eight o 'clock.
404
00:19:22,020 --> 00:19:24,540
I told you you didn't have to be there
at six.
405
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:28,559
I wanted to use my binoculars. I wanted
to see my daughter come over the
406
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,920
horizon. Oh, just a minute, just a
minute.
407
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,780
Did you really have a nice holiday?
408
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:35,520
Yes. Fine.
409
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:37,700
Honestly. Well...
410
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,540
Something to eat? A cup of tea, eh?
411
00:19:40,820 --> 00:19:42,480
No, nothing, thanks.
412
00:19:42,740 --> 00:19:44,100
Welcome home, Leslie.
413
00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:46,360
Welcome home, Leslie.
414
00:19:46,860 --> 00:19:48,960
Welcome home, Leslie.
415
00:19:50,340 --> 00:19:52,980
Welcome home, Leslie.
416
00:19:56,060 --> 00:19:57,110
Champagne, Angel?
417
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:58,560
No, thank you, Daddy.
418
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:00,730
Oh.
419
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:03,720
Veronica? Bit early, thank you.
420
00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:05,630
Oh.
421
00:20:11,690 --> 00:20:14,430
Well, welcome home, Lesley.
422
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,990
Now then, you tell us all about that
holiday.
423
00:20:20,310 --> 00:20:22,810
You got on Concord at Heathrow. Go from
there.
424
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:24,770
Would you mind if I didn't?
425
00:20:26,210 --> 00:20:27,650
No, of course I wouldn't mind.
426
00:20:27,651 --> 00:20:31,469
You'll tell us about it sometime,
though, won't you? Yes, of course.
427
00:20:31,470 --> 00:20:34,180
Later. Yeah, later. That's when you'll
tell us about it.
428
00:20:35,410 --> 00:20:36,460
I think I'll unpack.
429
00:20:36,461 --> 00:20:38,729
I'll bring your cases, I'll bring your
cases. No.
430
00:20:38,730 --> 00:20:40,309
I'll just take the small one for now.
431
00:20:40,310 --> 00:20:42,650
Yeah, you just take the small one for
now.
432
00:20:43,770 --> 00:20:44,820
Leslie.
433
00:20:49,650 --> 00:20:51,210
Have some champagne, Veronica.
434
00:20:52,130 --> 00:20:53,180
No, thank you.
435
00:20:53,430 --> 00:20:54,480
No.
436
00:21:02,310 --> 00:21:04,420
Well, that all went a bit flat, didn't
it?
437
00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:05,580
Never mind.
438
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,710
I haven't upset her, have I? No, she
just seems a bit subdued generally.
439
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,140
Why? I don't know.
440
00:21:12,100 --> 00:21:13,640
Of course, it's jet lag.
441
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,660
You don't get jet lag on the QE2.
442
00:21:16,771 --> 00:21:18,859
Oh, no.
443
00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:22,260
Seasick. She's just in a quiet frame of
mind.
444
00:21:22,620 --> 00:21:24,060
Well, you're her mother. Why?
445
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,800
She's got something on her mind.
446
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,340
She's got something on her mind. That's
what it is.
447
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:32,170
It's me.
448
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,620
Father's wisdom's got through to her.
449
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:35,910
Are you sure?
450
00:21:36,020 --> 00:21:39,679
Yes. That holiday I gave her has opened
her eyes to all the finer things in
451
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,180
life, like first -class passengers.
452
00:21:42,660 --> 00:21:46,400
She's seen the kind of world I want for
her. That's why she's subdued.
453
00:21:46,820 --> 00:21:48,930
Why you didn't think of that, I don't
know.
454
00:21:48,980 --> 00:21:50,260
I must be dim.
455
00:21:50,740 --> 00:21:52,180
No, you're not dim, Veronica.
456
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,100
A bit slow sometimes, perhaps.
457
00:21:55,840 --> 00:22:01,920
Anyway, my Leslie... Lionel, do you
think we could talk about me for a
458
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:03,730
Why?
459
00:22:04,300 --> 00:22:05,640
Because I'm your wife.
460
00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:07,150
I know that.
461
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:09,300
What do you want me to say?
462
00:22:09,900 --> 00:22:11,240
I don't know.
463
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:14,640
I sometimes don't feel like a wife.
464
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,940
Sometimes I don't feel like a woman.
465
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:22,360
I think if I were replaced by a robot,
you wouldn't notice.
466
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:26,430
Veronica, we share the same bathroom. Of
course I'd notice.
467
00:22:26,881 --> 00:22:29,719
Look, do you want a new dress?
468
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:30,770
No.
469
00:22:32,270 --> 00:22:33,550
I want to be wanted.
470
00:22:34,710 --> 00:22:36,880
Veronica, it's ten o 'clock in the
morning.
471
00:22:37,030 --> 00:22:41,590
How do you like a nice deep fat fryer?
472
00:22:42,130 --> 00:22:44,830
Look, I'll tell you what I'd like.
473
00:22:45,410 --> 00:22:50,289
Let's go out tonight to a nice quiet
restaurant and let's talk to each other
474
00:22:50,290 --> 00:22:51,340
properly.
475
00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:52,920
All right.
476
00:22:54,250 --> 00:22:56,240
Oh, no, I can't. I've got a lodge
meeting.
477
00:22:56,670 --> 00:22:57,890
Is it that important?
478
00:22:57,891 --> 00:23:02,329
Look, it's Leslie's first night home and
I'm still going. That's how important
479
00:23:02,330 --> 00:23:05,649
it is. We've got the Salamander General
coming all the way from Erie.
480
00:23:05,650 --> 00:23:09,809
The Salamander General? Is that a little
animal in a box or some silly old fool
481
00:23:09,810 --> 00:23:11,310
dressed up in a silly costume?
482
00:23:11,590 --> 00:23:15,729
I can't say anything about his costume.
I've said too much already. No, you
483
00:23:15,730 --> 00:23:17,470
haven't. You haven't said anything.
484
00:23:18,170 --> 00:23:19,630
All right, I'll go this far.
485
00:23:19,990 --> 00:23:23,410
But for God's sake, don't let it go
outside these four walls.
486
00:23:24,140 --> 00:23:29,159
If tonight I get the nod from Ron
Dostoevsky, I could be elevated into the
487
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:30,700
grotto of the fifth phase.
488
00:23:31,340 --> 00:23:33,720
With a little pixie hat on, presumably.
489
00:23:35,060 --> 00:23:37,710
You don't want to take things too
lightly, Veronica.
490
00:23:38,860 --> 00:23:39,980
Doors could open.
491
00:23:40,220 --> 00:23:42,120
I hope a door does open for you.
492
00:23:42,580 --> 00:23:44,140
I hope it's a trap door.
493
00:23:44,380 --> 00:23:48,240
And I hope you all fall through it into
a big vat of custard.
494
00:23:48,241 --> 00:23:50,209
Where are you going?
495
00:23:50,210 --> 00:23:51,290
I will have that dress.
496
00:23:51,410 --> 00:23:54,170
As a matter of fact, several expensive
ones.
497
00:23:54,670 --> 00:23:56,290
All the fizzy's going out of this.
498
00:23:56,490 --> 00:23:58,590
Good. That makes two of you.
499
00:24:00,770 --> 00:24:02,730
Did it hurt then? What? The transplant.
500
00:24:02,731 --> 00:24:03,949
What transplant?
501
00:24:03,950 --> 00:24:06,529
Having another pair of eyes put in the
back of your head. What are you talking
502
00:24:06,530 --> 00:24:09,629
about? Well, you've obviously got them
because you haven't turned round for
503
00:24:09,630 --> 00:24:10,680
an hour.
504
00:24:12,310 --> 00:24:15,090
Do you remember when Tony Jacklin won
the US Open?
505
00:24:15,290 --> 00:24:16,340
Yeah. Why?
506
00:24:16,341 --> 00:24:20,279
Well, before the final round, his friend
Tom Weiskopf pinned a note to his
507
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:23,590
locker door. And it had one word on it.
Do you know what that word was?
508
00:24:24,180 --> 00:24:25,230
Hello?
509
00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:27,600
Tempo. Meaning?
510
00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:29,280
Meaning keep relaxed.
511
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,460
Let your swing do the work for you.
512
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:33,260
Don't press. Don't push.
513
00:24:33,261 --> 00:24:36,879
See, that's what I've been doing with
women ever since I came out of hospital.
514
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,260
Two weeks out of commission.
515
00:24:38,780 --> 00:24:42,640
I've developed an over -anxiety. I've
tried too hard. Hence the failure.
516
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:47,220
Well, take Leonardo da Vinci. Was he
playing in the US Open as well?
517
00:24:47,460 --> 00:24:48,920
No, very well he wasn't.
518
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:53,719
Now, supposing he had to go into
hospital to have a tonsillectomy right
519
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,370
middle of painting the Mona Lisa's
enigmatic smile.
520
00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:00,820
Right? So he comes out of hospital and
he thinks, right, back to that smile,
521
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,080
this could be a winner.
522
00:25:02,220 --> 00:25:03,600
But he tries too hard.
523
00:25:04,220 --> 00:25:08,719
And the Mona Lisa ends up as nothing
more than a grinning loon. And this
524
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,039
accounts for the enforced celibacy, does
it?
525
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,810
Well, it could do, couldn't it? You
don't believe that.
526
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:15,560
No, but it's cheering me up.
527
00:25:17,140 --> 00:25:18,190
Here's Leslie.
528
00:25:18,660 --> 00:25:21,740
Oh, now, look. Now, come on, Jacko.
Leave it. That's over.
529
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:26,219
She's brown, isn't she? Look, I know
you're desperate, but she's Lionel's
530
00:25:26,220 --> 00:25:29,119
daughter. Now, I don't know you got away
with it the first go round with her,
531
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,099
but you can't have very much skin left
to your teeth.
532
00:25:31,100 --> 00:25:34,779
I think I'll just go and say hello, eh?
In your present state, you couldn't.
533
00:25:34,780 --> 00:25:37,190
She's got little golden hairs on her
arms, look.
534
00:25:37,191 --> 00:25:38,219
So have I.
535
00:25:38,220 --> 00:25:39,270
Talk to me.
536
00:25:41,300 --> 00:25:43,830
Always said you had the best pair of
legs in London.
537
00:25:44,140 --> 00:25:45,280
Jacko. Hello, Leslie.
538
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:47,760
Hello. How are you?
539
00:25:47,761 --> 00:25:49,139
I'm fine.
540
00:25:49,140 --> 00:25:50,190
Have a nice holiday.
541
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:51,580
I did a lot of thinking.
542
00:25:51,581 --> 00:25:54,279
That's funny, because I did a lot of
thinking as well.
543
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:55,159
Did you?
544
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,199
Yes, Leslie.
545
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,060
See, look, we're grown -up people.
546
00:25:58,061 --> 00:26:02,199
I know we split up, but, I mean, it
shouldn't stop us seeing each other,
547
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:03,239
tonight.
548
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,839
And I know there was a fundamental bone
of contention between us, but that
549
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,500
shouldn't stop us being friends, loving
friends.
550
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:12,640
My God, you're brown, Leslie.
551
00:26:12,641 --> 00:26:15,879
It's that bone of contention I've been
thinking about.
552
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,950
Well, it's me wanting my own way and you
not letting me have it.
553
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:21,900
But in short spells, you... No, listen,
please.
554
00:26:22,940 --> 00:26:23,990
You were right.
555
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:25,560
That's what I've realised.
556
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,610
I need someone who won't let me be a
spoiled brat.
557
00:26:28,780 --> 00:26:29,830
And that's you.
558
00:26:30,580 --> 00:26:32,080
Yeah, but on a temporary basis.
559
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:37,500
I'm not saying it very well, but I think
I've fallen in love with you, Jacko.
560
00:26:38,540 --> 00:26:40,880
Oh, I'll just get changed.
561
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:42,890
It won't be a moment.
562
00:26:56,300 --> 00:26:57,350
Hello, Jacko.
563
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,320
Hi, hello, Mrs Bainbridge.
564
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,420
You look rather pale. Are you all right?
565
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:05,210
No, not really.
566
00:27:05,300 --> 00:27:06,840
Oh, dear. What's the matter?
567
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,810
Well, life's taken a bit of a lurch,
actually.
568
00:27:11,300 --> 00:27:13,180
Yeah, life can do that.
569
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,140
I don't really know what to do.
570
00:27:16,180 --> 00:27:20,080
Well, if it would help, you know you can
talk to me any time.
571
00:27:21,380 --> 00:27:23,240
It's very nice of you, Mrs Bainbridge.
572
00:27:24,140 --> 00:27:26,810
Well... I'm very fond of you, Jacko.
573
00:27:27,610 --> 00:27:29,850
Maybe fonder than you realize.
574
00:27:39,030 --> 00:27:44,970
Because of you, these things I do.
575
00:27:47,630 --> 00:27:49,870
Because of you.
576
00:27:51,890 --> 00:27:53,930
Because of you.
577
00:27:55,020 --> 00:27:59,960
Oh, and you love nature.
578
00:28:00,220 --> 00:28:02,100
You love nature.
579
00:28:02,150 --> 00:28:06,700
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