Original subtitles

Thank you.

I don't believe you, Mr Crawford. Well, I don't care whether you believe me or

not. As far as I'm concerned, the money is to be paid to the homeless of

Birmingham. But where's the money now?

A question that Mr Harry Crawford, the proprietor of the Plaza Suite, seemed

reluctant to answer.

What did bloody Alfred?

He'll tell you the money's still intact.

And bring me the checkbook. I'll sign a check here and now.

I bet you won't show this bit on your telly. No.

No.

Oh, my God.

What am I going to do, Ken?

Well, you had a nice tie on, Harry.

This isn't funny.

It's my livelihood that's going down the pan up there, you know.

If I don't get hold of this J -Bloke soon, I've had it.

Hey, television.

It's my table. Sorry.

You looking for something?

Look where this place they opened me at.

No, I was looking for Mr. Richard J.

I was given this as a forwarding address.

Who?

Richard J.

I'll come back in a few hours, all right? We're going to have every name

this one for you there.

Yes, we're going to have your Richards and your Js. Your Lloyds, your Winstons,

your Rastaman, your Reggae Man, your Rappers, Emperor Hills and Lassies. You

just name them, we're going to have them all for you there, all right? Yes.

This is the address.

Someone's been having you on, brother. This ain't no post office.

So you haven't been getting any of his letters?

No. No one living here might be getting them.

Nobody's the only one. I ain't charged.

You're the caretaker, then?

Concierge.

Sorry, can I use your phone?

Be my guest, brother.

Margaret Daly.

Margaret. Listen, I've drawn a bit of a blank here.

None of them have heard of Jay.

Well, what have they been doing with all the letters, then? Well, they haven't

received any.

So they say.

Bye. Joe, can I borrow one of those tasteless envelopes of yours?

Oh, come on. We've been here for hours.

An hour and a half.

And if the GPO don't know what time Postman Pat turns up, we just have to

Well, how long are we going to wait?

Here we go.

Just wait for him to pick him up after that, then we go in.

It's always open, sir.

Okay, guys and dolls, the one I can review.

Richard Jay.

I told him already I don't know anything about Richard Jay.

Then what have you been doing with all this mail?

I don't know anything about mail, ma 'am. Pink envelope, delivered here this

morning.

Okay, I can give you five pounds and you can tell me what you've done with it,

or I can call the police.

Wow.

How much is it?

A fiver.

Make it twenty, all right? And be talking exact location, babe.

Fifteen, and that's final.

Okay, you got a deal.

I used to keep his mail for him, then once or twice a week he'd come up and

up, give me ten quid, that was cool.

Did you know where he lived? No.

Which days did he come?

Oh, could be any day.

Well, how did he get here?

Taxi, always a taxi, except for the last time.

And what was special about the last time? He came in this huge caravan

what do you call it, a Winnebago.

Man, it was wicked, bright, flashy, brand spanking new and all.

What day was this?

A few days ago.

Not Friday by any chance? Yeah, yeah, Friday.

The day he took the money.

Can you tell us anything else about him?

No, nothing else to tell. The man was an enigma.

Oh, nice guy, smooth, but uncool -like, you know.

Drive the damn mini -bagel like a go -kart.

Oh,

come on.

Television programme?

Oh, well, none of it's true.

Well, there's no need to get nasty.

You'll get your money.

Oh, just you try it, mate.

I ain't going to be the only one needing the surgical support.

Mr Crawford? Yes, Linda, what is it?

We've just had two more cancellations. The Cosmetics Company's exhibition and

the Birmingham Jacobean Society's dinner dance.

Well, thank goodness we've still got the soft drinks conference.

The Brooklyn has told you. They cancelled yesterday.

Oh.

Harry, if it's bad news, I don't know.

We've got a lead on that Jay geezer. I'll put a lead on the bugger if I get a

hold of him. What is it? He's got a brand new Winnie Bago.

Are you trying to be funny?

It's a mobile home. The sort of things Americans tour around the States in.

Well, let's find it then.

Harry, life is not that simple. There aren't a lot of these things, but it

be anywhere.

Could be abroad by now.

I think I'm going to be dick.

The good news is that there aren't many dealers who sell them. So if we can find

the one who sold it, then we might be able to trace Jay's address.

What are you doing still there? Hey, we're doing you a favour. Just remember

that. It's after five o 'clock.

We'll ring round tomorrow.

Oh, all right. I'm sorry.

Just be thankful he didn't buy him in.

So you reckon there's only a few dealers?

Well, I would have thought so.

And he's most likely to have bought it locally, so that should narrow it down a

bit. Margaret, once you've got this list of places together, fancy coming out

with me tonight for a bite to eat?

Oh, Ken, I can't tonight. I'm meeting someone.

Sorry.

This is very civil of you.

No problem.

How many are there?

No, not locally.

I hope there is one locally, otherwise Harry's buggered.

How many riders we got tomorrow?

Just me and you, if Noel mines the office.

No, I'm going to need him for that drop in Billersley.

In on to Tile Green.

What have you done with the phone? Get it off, will you?

Goodness sake.

Just tomorrow?

Yeah, I'd love to.

Better ask my mum first, though.

No, I can't at the moment. She's not here.

Hold on.

She left me a number where she could be reached. Why don't you give her a ring

and ask her?

Well, I'm impressed.

That looks wonderful.

Do you bring all your security consultants here?

Are you kidding?

This I reserve for very special people only.

Including your wife.

My wife is a lush.

She's an alcoholic.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't be.

She isn't.

I didn't know about it for a long time when I found out.

It was too late.

You mustn't blame yourself.

Would you mind?

I'd rather talk about something else.

No, of course not. I understand.

Let's talk about you. That would be far more interesting.

Oh, I don't think so.

I want to know all about you.

What you like, who you like.

Easy enough.

About Ken.

Ken? Your rocker friend.

Oh, he's just a friend.

It's you.

Yes?

Oh, it's for you.

Me?

Just a friend.

Hello?

Hello, Ken.

Yes, it's Margaret.

What do you want?

Well, couldn't this have waited?

Yes. Yes, she can. Of course she can.

Right, here's all the phone numbers and the address. Now, find out, most

important, if they've sold any campers in the last few days.

Yeah, I've got that.

And if anything sounds like it, this is important.

Harry! How's it going?

All right, I'm working on it now.

May not be necessary.

Why? I've had a thought. I'm off to see that TV reporter.

I've found something that'll sort it all out.

I knew it'd turn out right in the end.

Shall I bother, then?

Yeah, you carry on, love.

Barry says it's going to be all right. It's bound to get worse.

Hello? Yeah, I just wanted to know if you'd sold any mobile homes in the past

week or so.

Oh. Yeah, that's it.

Go back to the look of heaven, freeze it there.

Do you want some tea?

Mr. Martin, someone to see you.

Mr. Crawford. Yes, Mr. Martin.

First of all, I'd like to say no hard feelings about the show. I mean, I

you were just doing your job.

And it's not my fault you can't see past the end of your nose. Yeah, thank you.

I'm very busy. Yes, but there's just something I want to show you. It's about

Jay. Take a second. OK, what is it? Well, you know, I told you I didn't have

pictures of him. Well, I was wrong. I forgot the ones taken at the gala. Look.

Very nice.

Who is it?

It's Jay there.

Mr Crawford, that's a very large, fluffy toy. No, no, not that behind.

I mean, look, you can see his shoulder and part of his face there.

Oh, that's instantly recognisable. I'd recognise him anywhere in a crowd.

Well, show him on television. Somebody's bound to recognise him. I don't think

you understand.

These pictures prove nothing.

Worse, they look like a fudged attempt to clear yourself.

But that's Jay.

Mr Crawford, the programme has already gone out, and I'm in the middle of

another one.

No, look, understand.

Thank you, sir. Get Bob a tea, will you? Each programme investigates a different

topic. It's a documentary, not a serial.

You mean you're not going to show him? I can't show them. Why not? I can't show

them unless the subject develops in some way. Look, what do you mean by

developed? If another charity was swindled or some homebuyers tricked out

their mortgages, something like that. Otherwise, your story is over. One

instalment, finished.

That's showbiz.

OK, Greg.

Quiet, everyone, please.

Thank you.

Just the one?

No, that's all I wanted to know. Thank you very much. Bye.

Ken?

Hello, Ken.

Ken, listen to this. Canal Caravans, Canal Road, Sutton Coalfield. I think

that's the one.

Can I help you?

Yeah, I'm working for a magazine, Mobile Homes, Consumer, monthly, you know.

We're doing a survey on how many get sold, you know, on average.

That's nice for you. Yeah, well, it's a living.

Would you mind telling me how many you sold this week?

That's funny, you're the second person who's asked me that today.

Really? Hmm, answer's easy.

One. One? That's right, a Winnebago.

Winnebago?

Um, would you mind...

Tell me who you sold it to, just so we can send her a magazine, you know.

Yeah, I don't see why not.

Let's have a look.

This is it.

Page Winnebago, registration 819PE.

Sold to a Mr Dick Jowers.

Jowers. The Afro -Caribbean Centre, 53 Fountain Road, Handsworth.

Yeah, I remember him really well. He was buying it so he could take deprived

kids on holiday.

Ah, he was a lovely man.

Really generous.

Yeah, very generous.

All right, love. Yep, thanks a lot.

Look forward to seeing you in Amsterdam on the 12th. Leave it to you to make the

final arrangements, yours, et cetera, et cetera. Thank you, Sheila.

You may end the hearing.

Dick Jowett? Yeah, apparently.

No wonder he used an alias. There's no Jowetts in the phone book.

The Afro -Caribbean Club.

Rocky.

You've got to think, Harry. There must be something else about this man.

Nothing. Think.

Did he ever mention his family?

No. Wife?

Children? No.

What about the sort of places he used to frequent? Did you ever go anywhere with

him to discuss things?

Like the gala?

Did the two of you ever meet up anywhere?

Yeah.

Here. Anywhere else?

No. I told you.

He was an enigma.

Enigma? I... Harry, your business is on the slide.

You short £30 ,000.

Whatever name you had is now mud.

If you want to turn that round, you better dredge something up.

Did he ever tell you where he went?

No. Think, Harry.

He never went anywhere.

He was always at the casino.

Harry.

What casino?

Blimey, I don't know.

I mean, Birmingham's hardly Las Vegas, is it? There's only four of them.

a telephone call for you, Miss Daly.

Oh, tell him to call me back. He says it's urgent.

And Mr. Hillary, he was insistent.

I'll be back in a sec.

Hello? Margaret, it's Jonathan.

I need your help.

Urgently. Mr. Colford, you'd better come quick. There's something terrible

happening outside.

Why didn't they know it was me? Just come, Mr. Colford.

What the hell's going on here? That's what's going on,

Jimmy, that!

We're staying here till you get what you... Oh, yes, all right, that's

Come on, off you go.

Harry, Harry.

What the hell are you doing here?

I thought this was old news. With this lot encamped here, it's new news. Now

then, Mr Crawford.

Hold on a minute, Gilhart.

Oh, this is ludicrous.

They don't seem to want to leave, Mr Crawford. We'll go and get some help.

There isn't any, I'm afraid.

Well, nobody's spared, anyway. But the trespassing, they're causing a public

nuisance. They're smelly.

Yeah. They can't just stay here, can they?

Hang on a minute.

You was the bloke that was on telly, weren't you?

What do you mean?

I'll tell you what.

The best thing is if you start eviction proceedings.

How long's that going to take?

About three weeks.

Three weeks?

You always think I'm daft.

Hey, come on, on your bike. You're getting out freebies. Come on.

It's all right.

There's cameras everywhere.

Oh, no, Ken, but what am I supposed to do? This is a function suite, not a soap

kitchen. All we've got to do is find Jay and he'll get you dough.

How much do they want?

£50 ,000.

What exactly is in the photographs?

My wife.

I see.

I didn't exaggerate her problem last night.

I suppose the only excuse I've got is that half the time she's so inebriated

doesn't know what she's doing.

The photographs show her with another man.

Other men.

Not playing trivial pursuits?

No.

Not playing trivial pursuits.

I think you should go to the police.

I can't.

If word of this got out, I can't tell you what it would do, especially to her

father and the business.

He's invested a lot of money in me.

And her.

Yes, but if you pay them, there's no way of ensuring... I'm prepared to take

that risk.

£50 ,000 is a lot of money. I'm asking you to help, so we do not have to

the police.

No, you can't go through that. Do you mean?

Yes.

And? And what?

And Howard's hilarity. Anyone nipped his lively ticket?

I wish they had.

Hello, darling. What is it then?

Someone's trying to blackmail him.

Joking. I wish I was.

Can I need your help?

Me?

Someone's going to call him in the next few days. And when he goes to deliver

the money, I'm going to want whoever picks it up followed.

Sounds very dodgy.

It is.

But on a bike, virtually everywhere is accessible.

Why don't he go to the police?

He won't.

He's afraid.

Well, I don't know.

Please, Ken.

Well, it's hardly my line, is it?

Oh, it pays big.

All right, tell Hillary... Darn name.

If he wants his blackmailers trapping, our hourly rate doubles.

Oh, I'm sure he'll live with that.

Quite all right, too.

Bye, Mum. I'm off.

Bye.

Don't worry about the washing up, will you?

He makes great ovaltine.

Oh, does he?

What about Harrington?

What's happening with his vagrant?

He's still got on, he won't budge.

But he's well pleased as that.

Listen, in the morning, I'm going to check out all the casinos.

So it is your line. You're getting to be quite a sleuth, aren't you? Got no

choice, have I?

killed Thursday.

I don't know.

Perhaps you don't, but you might make an excellent guess.

My guess might be excellent, but it might be crummy.

Mrs. Spade didn't raise any children dippy enough to make guesses in front of

district attorney.

An assistant is... I'm sorry, the club's closed.

Are you Sam?

Sam Spade? Who wants to know?

I was looking for someone.

Someone or something?

Someone.

It's not a bird, is it?

A blackbird.

No. No, not a bird. It's a geezer, actually. Richard Jay.

Richard Jay?

What did you say?

Do you know him?

Yeah, I know him. He owes this club money.

Do you know where I can find him? If I knew that, he wouldn't owe me money.

When did you last see him?

A couple of weeks ago.

He came in boasting I was going to break the bank.

I'd heard it all before. Two hours later, I cast him a check. He bounced.

That's him.

He was friendly with one of the hat -check girls.

But that was one match that was not made in heaven.

Is she working here tonight?

No, she was casual. Too casual. She's gone.

What was her name?

Jackie. Jackie Smith.

Smith? Yeah.

Do you know where she lives?

Edgbaston somewhere.

Well, don't you have it on the records?

Cash in hand.

I just remember booking her a cab to Edgbaston.

Jay Smith.

Edgbaston. Somewhere.

Sorry.

OK, mate.

If you have any more thoughts on it, can you give us a ring?

OK, Margaret.

No, I'm Ken.

No, no, I work with Margaret daily.

That's okay.

Everyone has something to hide.

That'll put you in solid with your boss.

You slapped me.

When you're slapped, you'll take it and like it.

Yes, I know. Well, we've all got better things to do today.

Yes, well, I'm sorry to have troubled you.

How many more pages of Smith's are there?

Two. This'll be at this forever.

Couldn't see if I had a common name.

We should be doing this from Margaret's office, you know. Somebody might be

trying to get through. Book the plaza suite.

She hasn't got an office. She works from home. Anyone trying to get hold of you

is after your money.

Hmm. Somebody rang up this afternoon, wanted to book the place. Oh, sorry to

bother you.

Who's that?

Wrestling promoter. Well, better than nothing.

Oh, I don't want wrestling, Ken.

Why not?

Well, it's not the sort of function I want associated with the plaza suite. I

didn't know you could pick and choose.

I'm just making some tea for the tramps in the foyer. Would you like a cup?

What?

What do we do?

Well, for the time being, we just go along with them. What about the £50

Jonathan, I have every intention of getting both the money and the

back. Are you sure they have the photographs?

Positive. They've sent three through the post.

Can I see them?

Impossible. I'm afraid I burnt them.

You did what?

I couldn't bear to hang on to them.

You should still have kept them.

It's one thing to know about Lucinda's indiscretions. It's quite another to

them graphically abrupt in your fate.

Well, don't worry. I'm sure they've got plenty more.

Yeah, I want to speak to Jackie, please. Jackie Smith.

No, I don't want any French lessons, thanks.

No. No, Jackie. All right.

Sorry to bother you.

I've been trying to ring you all morning. Is the phone out of order or

something? I wish it were.

Those tramps are starting to stink out there, mate.

Oh, I can't handle that. My ear hurts.

I like that. I mean, the plaza suite.

Yeah?

Yeah?

Well, I don't know. I'll have to find out. What's he doing on my phone?

It's some man about a wrestling match.

He says he can promise you Barney the Beast from Blackpool and Senso Man, the

only hermaphrodite wrestler in Europe.

Tell him I'll ring him back.

Hello? Yeah. He says he'll ring you back.

Yeah, bye.

That's a bit weird to me.

What are you doing here?

Oh, message from Margaret. Well, two messages.

She was going to find yourself, but she couldn't get through. You're engaged.

Is that it?

What? The message.

No.

She said she'd like to see you and me as soon as possible. She says you'll know

what it's about. It's about Hillary or something.

And some bloke called, Sam phoned, and said that Jackie Smith isn't Jackie

because that was a married name.

Thank God for that.

What was her maiden name?

Jones.

Oi, but she lives at 122 Carlton Terrace, if you're interested. One of

girls remembered her address.

Go back to the office, tell Margaret I'll be back as soon as I can.

Right.

Bye.

He's not in. He's gone on holiday.

Where is he?

Across.

Well, you know when she's coming coming back

He's

here, okay tonight Jackie Jones.

Right, I'll go through it again for Ken this time.

Yeah, well, it would help.

Rocky's going to be the courier carrying the money.

You sure?

He'll have his walkie -talkie open so we can hear exactly when he makes the

drop. I'll pass the instructions on to you, and then you follow whoever picks

the money up.

So when I give them the money, they'll give me the photos?

No, Rocky.

They'll give you the instructions, where to find them, and then you bring them

straight back here.

But what if they try and pull a fast one?

I hope to God they won't, but Ken will be keeping tabs.

Who are those photos of anyway?

Mrs. Hillary.

Mrs. Hillary?

Yes, Mrs. Hillary.

This is them.

Ready, Mum?

Hello?

Yes, I'm listening.

Yes, I've got that.

What... Phone box at the Edderspring place.

We're on.

Right, that's it. Come on, I've had enough.

Try not to begin the day on the plaza street. Come on now, get out. It's a

place to have here, it's getting warm.

It's a diamond in weather like this, you know. Thanks. I'm saying to the lads,

thanks for putting us up for the night.

And the tea was a lovely thought, Jimmy. God bless you.

The temperature's picking up, so we'll be off. You're going?

Aye. You know how it is.

I just goes to prove you cannot believe a word they say in the papers, you know

what I mean?

Bye.

Bye.

Do you not think that's a wee bit gaudy, the decoration?

Take a tap from one who knows.

Gaudy?

Hello?

Yes, yes, indeed.

What?

You want me to go to the phone box on the junction of York Road and Spencer

Drive? What do I do when I get there?

All right, all right, I'm going.

I've got how long?

A little... Oh, Barry Shane, not me.

York Road and Spencer Drive. York Road and Spencer Drive 10 and

keep well back as they're bound to be watching.

What are they doing?

They're running around.

Yes? Quarry Hill?

Yes, yes, I know it.

Hi.

Yeah, it's Ken. It's Quarry Hill.

Quarry Hill? That's miles away.

Yeah?

Yeah?

Cannon Hill Park? Yeah, of course I know it.

Waste paper basket.

Near a bench, by the bridge.

Yeah, OK.

OK, I'll be there as soon as I can.

Ken, listen to the switch. The negatives are going to be in a waste paper bin,

which is where he has to leave the cash. No, he'll never make it. He's miles

away. Get a move on, Ken.

We should have had another rider as backup.

Wait a minute.

We're going to lose him.

Oh, we've got Zoli doing it around the corner from the park. He's already

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm with you, yeah.

Yeah, I know what them to come mean.

No. I've left the money.

The photos are at the left luggage at New Street Station.

I've got the ticket with me and I'm on my way there now.

Two women with prams. One of them must have the money.

They're ready for the Gypsy Lane exit.

Can you box up your range?

Can. Can.

Gypsy Lane.

Gypsy Lane entrance to the park. Two women with prams.

Can, can you hear me?

We've lost them. I don't believe this. They've got away with it.

What's happening?

We lost them.

You're joking.

Where's Ken?

Not a clue. We haven't heard from him since Quarry Hill.

Margaret? Margaret?

Are you receiving me? Ken?

The eagle has landed.

You what?

Ken, where are you?

Yeah, it's Sully Hall, and you'd better get over here quick.

I'm not sure what to do next.

Christmas comes but once a year for everybody's mum but mine.

Any chance of a fry -up, Miffy's?

Are you

sure

we're doing the right thing?

No, but I don't see what else we can do.

Might be a gang.

No, I doubt it.

It's not too late to go to the police, you know.

Ken, if the client had wanted it, we'd have gone to the police in the first

place. Our job was to get the money back, recover the pictures and warn

people off, which is exactly what we're going to do.

Yeah, easy, really.

What's going on?

You tell me.

Do you know this woman?

Of course he does.

I'm his wife.

Drink? No, thanks.

You'll have one, won't you, darling? Can you show us this? Yes.

I have the money.

Look, I don't wish to appear ignorant, but would one of you mind explaining to

me what's going on?

Surely. I've just blackmailed my husband out of £50 ,000.

I was hoping I wouldn't be traced, but it doesn't really matter that much.

Cat got your tongue?

You absolute shit.

That's quite a compliment coming from an expert like you. This is your wife?

Much as it pains me to say, yes.

A thick alcoholic.

Oh, that's a new one.

Still, it's an advance on wheelchair -bound and horribly burned.

Those photographs are faked. Jonathan, grow up.

I hadn't taken myself by an expert.

Hold up. What are you two talking about?

I've been married to my husband for 11 years.

11 years and two months, darling.

Two months being about the time he managed to be faithful to me. When I

my husband, we signed an alimony agreement.

that hands me £20 ,000 in the event of a divorce.

What do you mean you had the photographs taken?

All in good time.

My husband is now the managing director of an immensely profitable company.

No thanks to you.

No, thanks to my father's money and connections. And as far as I'm

£20 ,000 is poor compensation for a non -stop catalogue of philandering and

neglect.

Contrary to what he says, during that period, I have ensured that his home

was considered the epitome of stability and good taste, kept open house for a

succession of important clients and contacts, turned a blind eye to any

of dumb bimbos he's been bedding, and overall made a pretty good fist of it.

But enough is enough.

You set me up. You set yourself up.

So the photographs are of him, not of you.

Is that what he said?

Jonathan.

Let me tell you, dear.

During the course of a normal day, Jonathan, on average, speaks 99 % crap.

Lucinda, I want the money back. Call the police. You can't blackmail her. Come

on, I think that's what they'd call a domestic.

It's a criminal offence. Oh, do piss off, Jonathan!

Ken, I've discovered something really important.

What? These photos.

It's him. I know.

And he's a contortionist.

He's what?

Well, come look at this.

See?

He's got five legs in that one.

Blimey, how does he do that?

Dunno. Hey, you shouldn't be looking at that. Put them away.

Yeah, well, they just fell out. Fell out, yeah.

I'm off to see Harry.

Well, don't you want to know about Jackie Jones, then? What about her?

Well, she phoned. Something's about to note.

I said you'd see her tomorrow.

I want to see her today.

Yeah, well, she's going out.

Ken, would you say charity begins at home?

Depends. Well, would you say that I was a bit mean?

Mean? Tight -fisted.

Oh, I've got a business to run and I've got to make a living, but I haven't felt

right since they left.

The tramps.

I can't stop thinking about that charity caller.

That bloody man, Jay.

Oh, Ken, I hate that man so much that I'd give anything, anything to get my

fingers round his throat.

Well, he let me on.

It takes two, Harry.

I know, I know, I know.

Ken, can I ask you another question?

Yeah, what?

Would you say the day call was a trifle gaudy?

Hello? Your mum at home?

Who wants to know?

Mr Boone?

You know what?

Come, come in, come, come in, come, come in!

Oh, come on.

Texas Rangers, Ken Boone. Oh, hello.

Oh, I'm going to clear that muck up off the top of the gossip. Come in.

Come in.

Do you want a cup of tea?

No, thanks, ma 'am. Oh, I'm sorry about the mess.

It's all right.

Work nights.

Not down Gutman's anymore.

No. Gave me the boot.

Not my fault, either.

Well, what's all this about, then, anyway?

The bloke I rang didn't say much, except you'd make it worth me while.

Yeah. I'm looking for a geezer, Richard J.

Who? Richard J.

Never heard of him.

Dick Jarrett.

You're from Gutman's, aren't you?

I don't believe he's still flapping over that bloody hundred quid. God, he's so

tight. No, it's to do with a charity I'm trying to work with. I want to get hold

of him. Oh, right.

Is that where he is?

Well, if you'd have been round yesterday, you'd have seen him.

He just took us to France for a couple of days.

Nice. Yeah, he is.

I know he's probably a bit of a wide boy, but I can't help but like him.

You know, he's always been very good to me. And Emily.

Very.

You've known him long?

Oh, only a few months.

Takes me out.

Spoils me.

That's why I like him. He's very generous.

Where did you meet him? Down at the casino?

No. Oh, at a fair.

A fair?

Yeah, that's right.

I wonder what to tell you, Mum. All right, love.

His mum runs a duck stall.

She does what?

You know, fishing for ducks.

I took Emily. He was ever so nice to her.

What fair?

Er, Mitchell's.

Yes, that's right, Margaret Daly.

You promised to let me know if you had any obvious things.

Joe,

I'm on the phone!

Sorry.

Oh, really? Is that the cheapest you've got?

I'll get it!

I just need something small and clean.

Right, OK, well, I'll call again next week. Bye.

I wanted to see you.

Hello, Margaret.

What can I do for you, Jonathan?

I came to apologise.

Fine. So there are no hard feelings?

Oh, there are no hard feelings.

I'm glad.

Have you got the negatives?

Negatives.

By the way, my wife and I have finally separated.

I think you have a cheque for me.

Yes.

Just leave it on the table.

Well, what can I say?

Goodbye.

Great. Hey, I've got a great lead.

I found Jay's mum.

What? Yeah, she's got a stall in a fair, Mitchell's. You really are getting good

at this, aren't you? Yeah.

Only trouble is, how do you find a travelling fair?

Oh, easy peasy.

First you find a winter quarter, get an itinerary, and then ring round the

amenities division for the local councils and the districts in which

supposed to appear.

Oh, easy peasy.

I don't mind taking a cut in salary for a while, Mr Crawford. At this rate,

Glynis, you won't have any salary.

Are we going to do that wrestling about, Mr Crawford? For a while, Linda, yeah.

And I'm also going to try and rent out the offices, so we're going to be a bit

cramped.

Oh.

So much for the dream.

Dream?

Keep your fingers crossed, mate. We think he's working in a funfair.

Mitchell's. Well, I don't want to seem impatient or anything, but hadn't we

better go and find out? It's in hand.

Yeah, we're going over to Kidderminster.

Oh, God, please. Just once.

What have you been doing?

Oh, just kind of looking convictious, Ben.

There's the other ace detective.

We've found that stool yet. Yeah, it's just over there by the whirly. Right.

hang on here. Not until you stay here. Or we'll end up on a murder charge.

Why don't you stay here?

Look here.

Here, lucky duck.

Fifty cents a go. Prize every duck. Here.

Here. Hello, love. You want a piece, do you? No, I don't want to go.

I'm looking for Dick.

Dick? Yeah, your son.

What?

I'm Ken.

Ken? Ken?

Oh, here, love. Come on. Prize every time. Fifty pence a go.

Honey, I spent some time with him a couple of weeks back.

When he had his lucky run? Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, it was a big set of winnings.

Enormous.

He's had the occasional, but, well, a few thousand.

Did you see a camper?

Winnie Bago? That's right, yeah.

What a name, isn't it? Oh, it's beautiful, though. All that chrome,

telly.

Here, that's him. I have to tell you this. I remember once he was six or

maybe. He comes home with a great big box of chocolate.

God knows where he got the cash to get them. Well, listen, I'll try and catch

with him later on. Yeah.

Don't tell him I'll come round for him, will you? He'd like surprises. Oh, yeah.

Oh, he does.

He gets that from me. Hang on, I'll be back in a minute. I've got another one.

Oh, what you got there?

Yeah, I just had a word.

Oh. Yeah, Mum, have you got the keys to the Winnie?

Oh, good. Yeah, thanks, love.

I'll be eating out.

Oh, all right.

Sure are then, love.

Go back to the car. They've got a path there.

I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you.

I'm sorry,

Harry. Sorry?

Is that all you can say?

I'm going to make you wish you'd never heard the name of Harry Crawford. Harry.

How much have you got left?

Well, 15 grand. Where's the rest?

Gone. Gone on what?

Well, horses, roulette, poker.

Your mum said you were always winning.

Well, that's what I tell her.

You can't pull my money away.

My life away, Harry.

I'm sorry, Harry. It's just with so much cash, I thought I couldn't lose.

Right.

I'm having your duck business.

Well, you can, but only rent the stall.

All right.

I'll have this mobile home caravan thing.

Yeah, you can, but the payments are a bit steep, so you only put a deposit

Well, what have you got that's worth anything?

Nothing. Harry, I promised you I thought I was going to win. I thought I was

going to make a million pounds. Do you know what, Harry? If I had, I'd have

given you half.

Would you really?

I would, Harry. We were partners.

I'd have gone to the ends of the earth for you.

We're unstoppable. We could still go places.

Would you think so?

I think so. I know so.

Your business brains, my ideas. I admire you, Harry. No, more than admire.

I respect you.

Yes. Harry Crawford. A man who demands mega respect.

Do you really mean that?

I do, Harry. I do.

Well, Richard, I must say, I'm deeply touched. Oh, Dick. Call me Dick.

Dick. Dick. Oh, I'm deeply touched.

That's just one thing.

What? I don't believe a bloody word of it, you lying, cheating little... My

Winnie Baker!

Oh, will I ever fill this place again?

Of course you will, Harry.

You've got Martin to clear your name on the TV.

I'll be a well -respected bankrupt.

You'll get some bookings.

Oh, I hope so.

Enough to pay off that charity.

And now these three remain. Faith, hope and charity. And the greatest of those

is charity.

No. Currency into one.

Harry Crawford nil, I suppose.

What did you say last night?

Yes, all right, all right. Yes, of course I shall pay back the charity.

But it's going to take me a bit of time to get together what I need to pay you

back. Do you still want to rent out office space?

Got to. Well, why don't you let Margaret have one?

Couple of months. Rent free.

Hundred quid a week. Harry. What?

All right, 87 .50, cash.

Harry Crawford.

No VAT.

No VAT, that's how Jay got nicked.

Do you want the customs and exiles living round here as well? No, no, no,

no, he's welcome to them. They deserve each other.

No, no, I mean, it's peanuts, isn't it? Especially as you've got Happy Jack

working for you.

Working for who?

Oh, all right, working with her.

I don't know what you're talking about. The Acme Detective Agency.

Hey, come on, you've had enough of that.

I thought that was the idea.

Well, it's news to me.

Look at me. I don't know what he's talking about.

Mr Crawford, phone.

It's booking.

Oh.

There's a man who knows business. Take a tip from me.

Have you two been talking?

No. Well, where did he get that idea from, then? I don't know.

Well, I suppose since we tracked down that Jay geezer.

He reads too much Raymond Chandler.

I can't afford the office space I'm being offered on my own. I need

cheaper. Leave it to me. I'll work on him.

Or I need a partner.

Margaret, I ride a motorbike.

I've got a dispatch business.

I'm not going to be Mickey Spillane. All I'm saying is that perhaps we could

earn some money together.

I mean, you're not as dumb as you look.

No, I suppose if you put it like that. And maybe what Harry said was right. It

wasn't just fortuitous.

I mean, you were good.

Yeah, I was good, wasn't I?

I've re -booked for next Wednesday and I've also got a couple of fake weddings

on the go. Good.

Well, what's the verdict?

Ask your friend.

Ken Boone?

Private Dick?

Well, we've always known that.

He's my friend. He's my friend.

He's my buddy till the end.

Truth again.

He's my buddy

till the end.

Money!