All language subtitles for Boon s02e10 A Fistful.Of Pesetas

you

You're right, Ken. It's tax avoidance,
not tax evasion. That's what they did Al

Capone for, innit?

You sure there's a wood? No doubt about
it. My accountant checked it out.

Well, let's hope he can see the wood
from the trees.

Now, that's not even worthy of Rockies B
now, Ken, is it? It's just I don't

understand why you have to buy a wood to
avoid paying tax.

Long -term fiscal planning, Ken. That's
what it's about.

The businessman of the ages has to
interface his investment aims with a tax

-efficient superstructure.

You've been watching Open University
again, have you?

Hello, Mr Martin. Hello, Mr Crawford.
Ready for the office, you see.

Tax exile in the Cayman Islands, is it,
Harry?

You and money always went well together.

Yeah, looking for something?

Well, it's not you.

I'm looking for the rendezvous point.

Ah. It's round that corner, though.

I thought you supposed to have passed
your test. She just keeps stalling. Just

lay off on the clutch, all right?

Yeah, right.

Expecting them here at 10 .15. It's gone
half past now.

What's going on? That's what I want to
know.

It left about 20 minutes ago, so it's
definitely on its way.

Yeah.

Oh, what I can promise you is you've got
our top driver in charge.

People don't fly packages halfway across
the world to have them sit here

gathering dust, I might tell you.

Not a bad investment, this, eh? Not bad
at all.

Still very smooth, though, is she? All
right, come on. You just put your foot

down slowly.

We're really low on petrol as well, you
know.

That's the temperature gauge, Perk.

And if you go over, take indicates.

Yeah, Harry put me on to this.

Rocky,

it's not raining.

No.

Yeah, long -term fiasco planning, that's
what he called it.

Tax avoidance. Know what I mean?

Yeah.

I wouldn't invite just anybody to join
this syndicate, Mr Crawford.

Oh, dear me, no.

No, no, I mean when my accountant drew
my attention to your advert.

Oh, quite so.

Oh, bloody hell.

Didn't think it'd be this muddy.

A gentleman's investment.

Pichia Sintensis.

Yes, well, my Latin's a bit rusty.

Britain's most widely planted tree.

High yield, any soil.

Paper pelt within five years.

Ecologically sound.

Ideal for somebody in your position.

Yes, yes, quite, quite, yes. From little
acorns, stout oak trees grow.

That's no cliche, Harry.

Invest in profitable woodland today, and
tomorrow you could be the owner of a

black forest.

And the Fort Knox beauty of it is that
it's tax deductible.

Yes, it's just what I'm after.

Yes, five years ago it was guilt, Harry.

Three years ago, people like you and I
were into offshore trusts.

A year ago, it was second homes in
Switzerland.

Yes, but... But now, take my word for
it, forestry's the only way to hang on

what you've got. You couldn't have your
money in anything better.

Now I can see that.

Yes, and if the property market firms up
again, we could probably fit a low

-rise block in after felling.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

Now on at the rendezvous point, then.

My friend's a little late.

Are you shutting them off very quickly,
then?

Hot cakes, Mr Crawford, hot cakes.

Ah, I see.

Oh, yes, it's gold dust to young,
thrusting professional types.

See, our buyers are men of imagination,
foresight.

They share a consensus that the
environment's too important to be left

farmers. And they have an aggressive
attitude towards manipulating their tax

schedules. Oh, yes, quite, I see, yes.
The big question we must ask is, are you

one of them?

Well, I'm very impressed, of course.

To be brutally frank, Mr Crawford, are
you up to it?

Yes, I think I am.

No, indeed I am.

Very wise decision, Harry.

Look, I've got to pop into town for a
spot of luncheon so we can sign all the

necessary papers in the buggy.

Right.

West Midlands University.

As long as it's there this afternoon,
that's the main thing.

Right.

Well, thanks very much, Mr... Farnsaker.

Alison. No, it's Geoffrey, actually, but
I... Alison?

Ken!

What are you doing here?

Oh, nothing.

Waiting.

Oh, Ted, you always put on a very
pleasant look.

Don't you think the dry's a bit thin?

Thin? You can bet your life it is if,
um, Teddy had anything to do with it.

Michael, too.

You're going to like what I've got for
you this time.

My friend will come with me money. Yes,
you told me that yesterday.

Look, your father promised delivery by
the third of the month. What happens?

arrive fans greenbacks with some cock
and bull story about an airstrike.

This, uh, this amuses you, yes? I mean,
you keep me here. I have security on the

loan, that's all.

Hello, Teddy.

Nice to see you, Brian.

Nice one. Glad to hear it.

Look, if you want to continue doing
business with us, you go along with it.

I said I would be there at the airport.

I'm sure your friend knows the address
of the hotel.

My son's looking out for him. When he
arrives, you can go.

When she arrives?

A female courier.

How charming.

To be a C -10 somewhere.

What about the entrance?

Silly me. This is the one.

It's actually an historical artefact,
David.

Sexist rangers, you said? That's right.
But like I said, I don't think it

arranged to meet the woman.

What makes you think so?

Well, she seemed awfully put out when it
came out.

You heard that nice boy won't get into
trouble.

No, wait.

You're taking that as a sign for it, you
know.

She hasn't changed a bit, you know, in
four years.

That's unusual, isn't it?

Big Larry.

Ah, you know what?

Spain's obviously good for you.

Shall I put your case in the back? No.

Oh.

Didn't mean to be rude.

It was a surprise bumping into you.
Yeah, good time.

I'm not staying in Birmingham long. Just
missing friends.

Oh, thanks for the lift.

Right, no problem.

I'd better ask about him, haven't I?

I don't think so.

No, he's all right.

Yeah, great shape. Great shape. Good.
That's great. Great.

Yeah, he's quite a big businessman now.

Thank you very much, Mr. Marsden. Well,
we'll speak very shortly then, Harry.

Yes. I'll be in touch.

Yeah.

Pick the crawfoot.

What?

It was the... Profit?

Your accountant ran.

Was it?

Right. It's fixed now, though. On time.

Don't worry, you'll get your bullet.

Seek to do diversified profits through
shrewd investment.

A financially provident method of
manipulating tax schedules.

Hey, fix your eyes on this, Linda. He
said there was no panic.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Shall I tell him you'll be in touch,
then?

There really isn't much point, is there?

Here, I'll give you a hand with that.
No.

That old friend, is it?

No. It's obviously waiting for someone
else.

Lovely to see you again.

I'd like to register, please. It's Mrs.
Perez.

I think my husband's already checked in.

Thank you.

Well spotted, Edward.

Good. See you then.

Your trust hasn't been misplaced. Your
friend has arrived at the hotel.

Hey, I should be expecting you to come
straight back, of course.

Yeah, well, they picked it up about two
hours ago.

Yeah, I will check on it.

What did he say your name was?

Hello? I don't know, ring up to complain
the parcel's not there and forget to

leave the name?

Rocky's probably crashed the van.

Now then, young man, if you want
paying... Er, ten was it?

Fifteen. Somebody get me Harry.

Hello, Ken.

Harry, listen.

Hey, Ken, you'll be pleased to know I
won't be moving to the Cayman Islands.

Don't mind about all that.

I've got news for you.

Alison's back in Birmingham.

Alison?

Alison who?

Alison!

You know, your ex -wife.

Oh, no, what's she doing here?

But that was two hours ago.

I mean, you could have phoned or
something.

They're wonderful.

But you really shouldn't have bothered.

They'll die in the bathroom.

Am I forgiven now?

I don't know.

I haven't decided yet.

Nothing went wrong.

No, it was some bloke who was watching
me at the airport.

Probably fancied you, that's all.

He was more interested in what was in
that case than me.

What am I doing, Lewis, carrying that
lot through customs?

It's a straightforward business deal.

Three years I've spent getting over
being dumped by her.

I just sort of blotted it out.

And now, just when I'm getting on top of
things, back she comes.

I don't think she'll get in touch,
Harry.

Oh, what's she doing in Birmingham? I
told you, she's meeting a friend.

A friend?

A friend?

Oh, very likely, Ken, yeah.

Oh, come on. She still looks the same,
you know. Does she? Yeah, lovely shape.

I told her you were doing fine. All
about the hotel.

Oh, thanks, Ken. Some great mate you
turned out to be, didn't you? What am I

supposed to say? Hey, you're on the
doll.

Well, he could have toned it down a bit.

The last thing I want her doing is
renegotiating the alimony. Don't worry

that, mate. You didn't look short of a
few, Bob.

But don't you see, Ken, I've finished
with that part of my life. I've got

something of my own now, and I want to
keep it that way.

This is like talking to a brick wall.

I run into your ex -wife at the airport.
She expresses a rather unenthusiastic

interest in your well -being. Yes, yes,
you're quite right.

I'm being silly, I'm being stupid, yeah.

It's just that I promised myself I'd
never become dependent on anybody ever

again.

Because that's what marriage does for
you, isn't it?

Makes you vulnerable.

You are a tough bugger, aren't you?

No, they made the pick -up all right.

Well, they had to make a small diversion
on the way.

No, you won't be charged.

Yeah. Yeah, within the hour.

Did you just repeat the name and address
for us again?

Right.

Look, I can't even read it on that.

As long as it's not later than three.

No, no, I'll ring you.

Oh, mystery man again.

Phones up twice to complain about a
parcel and never leaves his name.

Aye, might be there's something dodgy
about the statue. You know, drugs or

something. Yes.

Or maybe he's just pissed off that he
had to wait four hours for a 20 -minute

delivery.

Did he

ask about me?

Of course he didn't.

We had other things to discuss.

Such as?

You may find this hard to believe, my
love, but when a divorced woman meets an

old friend of her ex -husband, she
doesn't immediately start waxing lyrical

about her boyfriend.

So how is the ex -husband?

Oh, he's doing all right.

He's on his way to becoming the Charles
Forte of the West.

Midlands. Oh, Lewis.

It's very funny. What do you want from
me, Alison? I pay for you to come on

trip? You paid for me to carry that case
full of money from Barcelona to

England. But you offered.

Because I didn't want you to get
arrested.

It would be safer that way.

I wish you'd stop treating me like a
kid.

It's so cold in here, Lewis.

English hotel rooms are always cold.

Once. That was years ago. If it was
years ago, why bring it up?

Because I thought you'd be interested.

I happen to have spent most of my life
here.

I am not interested in hearing about
your ex -husband and the hotels which

visited together.

Don't be ridiculous.

You can't expect me to wipe out 15 years
of marriage.

I have to see Rawlings till I'm late.

What about lunch?

Ring up the ex -husband. That's what you
came back for, isn't it?

I'm leaving on the plane this evening.

If you want to stay, I'll stand by you.

I've always wanted to go on to college
now. Could never get my maths O -level,

though. Yeah, well, you want to learn to
drive first.

Do you fancy being a student here?

That's a three -year holiday, Ken, isn't
it?

Well, not having been, I wouldn't know.

Right, you stay here.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, love.

We've got a... parcel to deliver. It's a
statue. Do you know what department

that would be?

Sorry. I'll try the registry.

Registry? That block over there by that
white van.

Oh. It's breakfast.

Senorita, por favor, I need to leave
this for one hour. The name is Luis

okay? Luis Perez.

Luis Perez.

Oh, sir!

We have a Mr.

Hipkiss, Dean of Social Sciences.

No, that's not it. The Mr.

Something ing.

Do you have an ing?

An ing?

We have a Mr. Helling.

Well, that could be him.

Lecturer in biochemistry.

Is he down for a statue?

I really don't know. This isn't the post
room.

If it's a statue, why don't you try the
art department?

I would have thought that would be the
logical thing, wouldn't you?

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Where is it?

Well, it's always been Linton Close.

Right. Thank you. Thanks very much.

Wonderful thing, education.

Um, no message from Mr. Pratt.

Room 4, 3. No message from Mr. Pratt. He
didn't leave them.

You can take it with you if you like.

And no messing.

Edward.

As tall a feat you're handling, you
know, not Chateau Wagga Wagga.

You seriously think he was sending out a
party?

This is his promise. The deal is
finished.

Fifteen thousand in potatoes?

Claro. My father had to repay the loan
in full. We parents are men of our word.

Yes, our men. Though it tends to lose a
bit in translation.

The money is all there.

Nothing like the smell of money.

They don't teach them anything at Stowe.

I want you to help me count the dots.
What the hell's going on?

And what do you mean you've got your
figures wrong?

Yes.

Yes, the profit from the function room.
We call catering expenditure.

Yes, then you say I haven't got a tax
problem, have I?

Yeah.

Yes, well, um... What about the wood?

Yeah? What?

What?

Of course, I might have put the

point in the wrong place.

It's 10 ,000, you fool.

It'd be easier if it was English.

It's not bloody English, it's bloody
monopoly money, and we're 5 ,000 short.

Perez has done a runner, and we've
been...

Shaft it.

Oh, hello, Harry.

May you look good, Harry.

Yes,

I'd urgent need to juggle a few funds.

No, I don't think a meeting would help
Mr Marsden, no.

You see, the thing is, Mr Marsden, I'm
not sure that I've got a tax problem.

I'll call you back.

Hello, Larry.

Hello.

Ken said he was back in Birmingham.

Tax problem.

Must be doing well.

Well, let's just say that I don't have
to worry about the overdraft anymore.

It's quite baronial, isn't it?

It's gothic, Alison.

Late Victorian gothic.

Is there any chance of a Victorian...

I had a mate like that, Ken. I think I
was at school with him.

It's not a him, it's her.

He's got a hat on. She's got a hat on.

Don't look like a woman.

Well, it's hard, isn't it?

I told you not to use a dispatch
service, especially one called Texas

And I told you it was less obvious.

I don't mind helping you out, but I want
to keep my hands clean.

I didn't notice you wearing gloves when
you took my cheque.

You know, Ken, I think art would suit
me.

You know, it's less studying for that,
isn't it?

I thought the whole idea of being a
student was to study, not scribe.

Yeah, the grant had come in handy as
well.

Buy a new motor gutsy, then.

Do you know, it's blokes like you that
give further education a bad name.

Your turn.

Who is that man?

He's coming into the building.

He's probably some mature student.

On that walk, he could only be a plod.

Oh, God.

No, that's it. I'm not signing for the
statue.

Backing out already?

No, I'm not risking it. You promised me
there would be no complications.

All right.

Lock the door and keep quiet.

We'll collect it ourselves later.

Right.

Let's go.

Okay, we had a lift.

vegetarians.

Hello.

You expecting a statue?

Is there anyone here with a name ending
in ing?

No.

All right. Thank you, Picasso.

Why don't we just leave it here? Because
we don't know it belongs here.

We're taking that back to the hotel and
whoever wants it can bloody well come

and collect it.

You know what, Ken?

I'm not so sure about that.

I don't know, Rocky. I would have
thought it was more your level.

You seem to be managing all right.

Well, I get by.

It's a full -time job running this
place, you know.

And there's a Rotary Club.

And I'm thinking of joining the Masons.

Really?

Good for deals.

Making contacts.

Useful people, the Masons.

I always thought they were round the
door.

Yes, well, that sort of thing never
interested you, did it?

Barcelona isn't dull, I take it.

No, it's sophisticated and rather
exotic.

Just help, if you speak the language, of
course.

Yes, well, you'd have to with Lewis,
wouldn't you?

His English is very fluent.

You must be raking it in if he can
afford to bring you over here.

They have to travel a lot on business.

They sell their wine all over the world.

Oh, a wine cellar.

Sounds a bit boring to me.

A wine grower. His family owned the
vineyards.

Yes, well, we don't stock any Spanish
wine. I mean, the clientele wouldn't

any of it.

Bouquet's always seemed to me to be a
little bit acid.

Vinegar posing as wine, you know.

Anyway, that's enough about me.

Have you got someone else?

I took the whole... But it had my name
on it. Why did you give it to her?

I'm sorry, but I don't see what you're
talking about. I don't know.

I don't know. When did she go with you
back? Tell me when.

No, Davida was very keen.

We'd even gone as far as talking about
marriage, but, well, you know how it is.

I never realised in the past four years
you've been quite the latest, right?

I could have a different woman every
night.

They're crying out for eligible
bachelors round here.

I'm glad you're happy.

I wanted it all to work out for you.

Well, that's not what I want.

It may not be exotic, but it suits me.

Yes, well, Barcelona's not always
exotic.

You mean it rhymes there as well?

Sometimes.

There's more, isn't there?

How did you guess?

We were married once, remember?

That's Lewis.

We had this row.

We'd been rowing all the time and we got
back to England.

We just left.

He didn't say if he'd be coming back.

I sort of thought, well... I sort of
felt... I think I've been

dumped, Harry.

Now you know what it feels like.

I'm sorry I'm embarrassing you. I'm not
being very English.

No, well, you're out of practice.

I know. I know he's going to leave me.
I'm too old for him.

I guess I knew that eventually.

I just didn't think it would end up like
this.

Of course you're not too old for him.

You always were the gentleman.

Is the post about to go?

I'll call you a cab.

Oh, thanks, Harry.

You're better as well.

No, it's nothing, nothing. Hey, I mean,
if he's not there, if he hasn't come

back, you could, um...

I mean, we could have a meal together.

Dinner tonight.

No Spanish wine.

Maybe.

I'd like that.

He could have skipped the country by
now. Within three hours.

Well, if he took the money, he's hardly
likely to come back here. Edward, let me

do the thinking, will you?

Oh, wouldn't they remember that she's a
bloody island man?

Ken back yet?

No, he's still out on a job.

Can you answer that file for me? No.

Oh, good afternoon, sir.

Harry Crawford, proprietor.

Can I get you a porter?

No, Harry Crawford.

You can get me Alison.

I'm Luis Perez.

Excuse me, madam.

I'm looking for Mr Perez.

I wonder if you... Oh, no, I don't.
Sorry.

Perhaps you ought to have a little talk.

Might help jog the memory.

There's nothing wrong with my memory. I
think this is a case of mistaken

identity. No, madam. It's a case of
unfinished business.

To do with Lewis Perez and some money he
owes me.

There's nothing between us. She came to
talk to me. She came and she went. When

did she come and go? Did she have an
overnight bag with her?

A bag? She took my overnight bag by
mistake.

No, she didn't have a bag with her. She
came for a chat like I told you, not to

stay the bloody night.

She comes to England to see you, she
leaves the case with you as simply.

Now, listen, son.

I'm prepared to accept that my ex -wife
might be in love with you.

I mean, we're all entitled to make
mistakes.

But storming in here and crying foul all
over the place like bloody Maradona

just because you've lost your suitcase
is beginning to get right up my nose.

Maradona is Argentino. Same difference
from my side of the water, mate.

Si. Si problem with you English.

I can see why your wife left you.

You'd better get out before I really
lose me temper.

Yes, Linda.

Mr. Martin in reception says he's got an
appointment.

I am looking for a small overnight bag.
I think it was left here. I can check at

the desk. Somebody must have seen it.
Very important.

Mr. Rawlingson, I'm sorry, but I don't
see how I can help you.

Surely you don't expect me to whistle
five grand down the wind.

No, I don't.

But I don't see what that's got to do
with me.

You're the only lead we have, my dear.

Let's start with your ex -husband's
hotel, shall we?

The new tax laws may only be at the
white paper stage today, but tomorrow

could be in the statute book. I'm not
interested in the bloody tax laws.

What does he think he's doing?

Just a moment.

Where the bloody hell are you going?

The fiscal strategists are predicting
that these laws will apply to the self

-employed earner, but not to the small
investor.

Tax avoidance is the name of the game,
Harry. Like I said on the phone, Mr

Marsden, I have no need of tax avoidance
schemes.

All my profits are otherwise accounted
for, so I don't need to buy a field and

grow bloody Christmas trees.

Well, well.

From tax exile to the debtor's court,
all in one short day. He must be here

somewhere. Keep your eye on that bloke.

That's about the size of it, Mr Marsden.
I will be in touch.

You're the loser, Harry.

But you know what they say.

The tax laws help those who help
themselves.

Mr Crawford, phone call.

I'll put it through to your office for
you.

They're putting me through?

Let's hope your ex has fond memories of
you.

Hello, Harry Crawford here.

Alistair. Alistair.

Alistair.

Alistair. Alistair.

Alistair. Alistair.

It was an impulse.

Impulse? You know where he is now.

Impulse, Harry. Come on.

How will he know where I am?

If you're gigolos with them, I'm sure
he'll remember.

The thing is, will your ex -husband want
to pay your lover's debts?

Look out!

He's a talented young man, Piers. Mark
my words, he'll go places.

Not into my showroom, if I can help it.

We ought to get moving.

Right. You are the one who is supposed
to be taking delivery of the statue,

remember?

But what if... There aren't any ifs.

I paid you to arrange the delivery, so
arrange it.

I knew I should never have trusted a
bloody academic.

Well, it's all right for you. You've got
nothing to lose. And neither have you.

Your enlightened department has imported
a worthless work of modern art to

ornament the dean's garden.

End of story.

I need to make that collection by
tonight.

And if I don't, I lose the sale.

And if I lose the sale, well...

Look, I know it was wrong to take the
money, but I thought I had lost it.

I did not mean to. Just shut up, will
you?

Don't let him call the police.

Rocky, stay here.

Okay, I'll look around.

Please, Mr Boone, as far as I'm
concerned, I'm £5 ,000 short and he's

responsible.

Then let Alison go. It's got nothing to
do with her.

What are you doing in here? I thought
you wanted me to be lookout. Not with

back, you bloody dog. Get out. I'll have
to make a couple of phone calls, and

Alison here will be facing charges of
currency smuggling.

Well, you'd better dial away, or you'll
be screwing yourself up.

Not the case, Mr Boone. It's the
Spaniards who take currency smuggling

seriously.

£500 in pesetas, that's the limit.

Mrs. Crawford, or Miss Perez, as she
calls herself, walked through customs

15 ,000 in a suitcase.

I think I've made myself clear, haven't
I?

Look, you're the one who wanted the
money in cash. You blow the whistle on

you'll be the first to help with their
inquiry.

Come on, come on. Calm down.

I'm not helping. the situation.

There's nothing in writing about this
agreement.

And if it's a case of my word against
yours or Mr. Coaching in here, who do

think they believe?

Oh, forget it, Ken.

We're up against the ancient bloody
regime.

Yeah, money talks.

Especially old money.

Texas Rangers parcel service.

Come in, Ken.

Come in, Texas Rangers parcel service.

Rocky, are you out there somewhere?

Hello, Deb?

Well, there's been no shooting yet.

Deb? I'm looking for a statue.

Well, it's not here.

Not here?

Are Texas Rangers usually so effective
at delivering packages infested to them?

Well, it makes a difference if we can
read the delivery address.

Tell me, young lady, where is the statue
now?

I've told you, it's not here. You can
see it's not here. Keep looking.

Your statue is probably lying at the
bottom of some canal and these carboys

playing games with my agenda.

Blimey. No cash, no deal, Mr Crawford.
But I've never heard of anything so

ridiculous. I said I'd only accept 3
,000 if the payment was made in cash.

But I'm not bloody Rockefeller, you
know.

I don't carry that kind of cash around
with me.

Then you'd better go out and rob a bank.
I lent the money in cash, that's how

it's got to be repaid.

I think it's about time someone put some
antifreeze in your wine, mate.

Way of avoiding capital gains taxing.
Tax avoidance. Might have known it.

I'll just have to get it from the hotel.

It's the only way.

Nice to know you still care.

And they stay here until you come back
with the lolly. Well, why? You've

got the toy boy. You don't need her as
well.

It's Debbie.

What? The one I was talking to on the
radio just went dead tonight. It could

anything.

Okay, I'll need a lift.

Right, Rocky, follow us.

Is that a flat or something about?

No. Well, yes, there is. But the statue
never left the van.

Check upstairs anyway.

No, I'm gone.

They'll be back in a minute. The statue
is in the van.

Go on upstairs.

I wouldn't even think about it.

Just sit down and shut up.

Oh, what is this?

Three thousand's a lot of money, Ken.

Good. Well, put it down to alimony.

Yeah, but why should I put my alimony
pocket for her again?

I mean, she got herself into this. Why
shouldn't she get herself into this?

Well, see, like that is it, eh?

Second thoughts.

I think you'd take two thousand.

I could throw in the Magimix as well.

Maurice left behind it. We'd never use
it.

Magimix.

Come on.

That sign is your mate, Orny.

He must have scarpered.

So it is just us three.

Much more intimate, don't you think?

He'll be back in a minute.

Honestly, Will.

Fine.

I'll just sit here and wait for them.

I'm not in any particular rush anyway.

There's no need for you to look so
terrified.

I'm not going to do anything to you.

Not yet.

Anyway.

It only encourages a cat, doesn't it?

We've got to make a stand against
kidnappers.

Stop whispering.

You all right?

Thank God you pitched in.

It is Mr Boone, is it?

Who the hell are you?

Steady on, Ken.

Solenka.

I've come to collect the parcels.
Remember?

The statue?

Yeah, of course I remember. I spent all
bloody day trying to deliver it to you.

Debbie, thank God you're all right.

I've been really worried about you.

Can I just have the statue, Mr Boone?

Rocky, give this gent the statue.

He's the one who owns it. Oh, right.

All right, mate? Yeah.

Mr. Talenki and... Mary!

What the bloody hell did the money call
us, Mary?

Mr. David Selenkin.

Dear Shivan, West Midlands Palace.

You're under arrest.

There's got to be some mistake.

I'm a respectable businessman.

Import -export. Ah, yes, sir.

Well, let's just go and have a look at
what we've imported, shall we?

See how pale it is.

Almost white.

Fifth century Chinese.

Smuggled out from China, of course.

Through Hong Kong to the west.

God, it's amazing.

Our friend Selinkian was acting as a
buyer for the States.

We knew he was using someone at the
university as a receiver. Interpol

off.

They told us to watch out for a statue
or a tapestry.

There you go, you see.

I knew there was something dodgy about
that statue.

Yeah, and I knew it was a bad idea to
buy that van.

What? So much for Texas Rangers'
dispatched parcel service, eh? We'll be

the van as evidence, Mr Boone. Thank
you, Harry Crawford.

Well, what about a nightclub?

Nightclub? Yeah, a nightclub. I mean,
it's not every day you catch an

international ring of jade smugglers, is
it?

Sorry about that, mate.

The only thing that worries me a bit is
where the woman fits in.

What woman?

Oh, you mean Rocky? Well, I know he
wears his hair long, but... Ah, the

you picked up at the airport.

You know, slim blonde.

Oh, her, yes. She used to work for me.

Harry, I think you ought to go and get
the wine.

She was hanging around that freight
office forever.

Well, you know, foreign travel. Some
people aren't used to it. I really

talk to her. I need to tie all the loose
ends up, you say.

I'm sure she's involved in this
somewhere.

Right.

Well, I think I'd better get back to the
station, Mr Crawford.

A lot of paperwork for me to catch up
on.

Yes, thank you, Sergeant.

Well, Harbin Hotel are mixed up in love
tangle, eh?

The papers are going to love it.

I've got no alternative, have I?

Edgbaston hubby mixed up in
international jade smuggling ring.

go do lally over it.

3 ,000.

I can see it now, Harry.

Rotarian resigns over Spanish jade
hussy.

That was what he said, wasn't it?

3 ,000.

Lo siento, pero... It was because I
thought you had left me.

Me?

You of mine astound like the burning
one.

Wait a minute, Harry.

There weren't any economy class left,
Ken.

Oh, are you going to play the white men?
Say no first class?

No first class on the European price,
Ken, you know.

No! I've got them to last two standbys.

Harry, they do deserve the best, you
know.

I still don't know what she sees in him.

I'll just see if your taxi's arrived,
sir.

Hello.

I've got people ready for you.

Goodbye, Aaron.

You've been well.

The only thing to do?

In the circumstances, I mean.

You must come and visit Barcelona.

Sure it won't be a bit dull for me.

Go on. Better get off.

Harry, I don't know why you've done this
for me.

I wasn't renegotiating the alimony.

I just think somewhere in England is my
overnight bag with my pyjamas, my

cigarettes.

St. Louis, departure to Barcelona.

And 5 ,000 pounds in pesetas.

Of course!

What?

Where?

My 5 ,000.

My 5 ,000?

You only paid three.

You've got to take account of the full
exchange rate.

I'll tell you what, I'll split it down
the middle with you.

I'll send it to you.

Registered post, Barcelona.

Well, that's that then.

Told you I had a good nose for an
investment, didn't I?

You can have the pyjamas.

Oh, you're all art, Harry.

Oh, I nearly had a heart attack then.

I thought that copper was going to pop
up out of her suitcase.

Yeah, but he didn't, did he?

You, um, you got his address in
Barcelona?

No.

Have you?

No.

We're in the money.

Texas Rangers, Texas toughest men.

Texas Rangers, there they ride again.

They ride in thunder, they ride in rain.

It makes one wonder if they feel no
pain.

They never falter. They never fail.

They hang their halter on a rusty nail.

The Texas Rangers, Texas toughest men.

The Texas Rangers, there they ride
again.