All language subtitles for Boon s01e08 Something Old Something New

Hello.

Maybe it was amblesized.

No, I'm sure it was trout, Meg.

Oh, Ken!

They had home -brewed beer, real old
-fashioned cheese, free -range bread,

that sort of thing.

Did they have a dressing table with a
fixed mirror?

I don't think so.

Not in the pub, anyway.

I hope I can find it.

I spent the day climbing Stoney Cove
Pike.

It's a real treat coming across that
boozer in the evening.

I'm not climbing up any mountains.

I thought it was all lakes and daffodils
and poets up there. Well, yeah, I

wandered lonely as a daffodil. Only it
was a 650 Norton in those days.

Hey, you had a terrific time. You're
going to love it.

Oh, Ken, it all sounds a bit hearty to
me.

I mean, why can't we go to Paris for our
dirty weekend like everybody else?

Hey, come on, it's the lakes for us.

This time tomorrow we will be emoting
tranquillity in the middle of...

Owlswater.

Now, don't get me wrong, Ethel. I'm in
no way criticising your cooking.

It's just that some of our competitors
are offering a wider variety, a more

varied menu.

Have there been any complaints? No, no,
no. Quite the opposite.

I mean, but these days, with all this
foreign travel and so on, I mean, there

are those who prefer a little
continental flavour occasionally.

I mean, look at the Royal, for instance.

They're offering paella and crepe au
champignon on the same day. Well, I'm a

cook, Harry, not a chef.

I know what all this is about.

It's simply about a more interesting
menu. I mean, moussaka instead of

shepherd's pie once in a while.

It's that new West Midlands hotel guide.

You want a rating and you don't think my
food's good enough. Honestly, Ethel,

it's not that. It's not that honest.

If you want a lift to pick up that
broken -down bike of yours, Mr

look lively, or I'll be late for me
chiropodist.

Chiropodist? What's wrong with you?

Nothing. It's a new client with a five
-year pile -up of accounting cable.

Come on, love.

Hey, I really fancy you in that suit.

I'm not helping you with these, you
know.

I'm late enough as it is already.

I'll meet you in the bar about 6 .30ish.

And I'm not bringing me hiking boots.

Oh, I don't know. They go rather well
with your black negligee.

Keep your muggy hands off you.

Compost on the bum does not impress me,
Clive.

They're using me as a delivery service.

You should buy one of those.

See ya.

Morning, Ethel.

Morning.

I'll buy you some fresh weeds, though.
Oh, Matthew, don't coo.

The way things are going round here, you
could well end up with those for lunch.

Oh, thanks.

Hey, Ken, I'm impressed.

I must say, I never took this plant
business seriously. I thought you'd have

trouble growing weed. Hey, eat your arse
out, Percy Thrower. I'm doing very

well. Listen, can I borrow your talk
wrench?

Oh, that bike.

Yeah, sure, go on, help yourself.

Ethel, is there any chance for a cup of
coffee?

Cappuccino, don't you mean?

The artistic touch, that's what this
plant needs, Annette.

I mean, look at these plants.

They're beauties.

Good morning.

Fuchsias. They're pretty.

Yes.

Bung them upstairs, will you, Annette?

Now, then.

Can I help you, madam?

Well, your colleague was just checking
me in.

Pemberton. Miss G. Pemberton. I've
filled in a form.

Oh, yes, so you have.

Nice little place you've got here.

I do dislike modern hotels.

Yes, well, thank you very much.

So that's a tingle with bath for six
nights.

Hmm, that's right.

Excellent. Are you here on business or
pleasure, madam?

Oh, hopefully both.

Your key and, uh... Oh.

Some mail for you.

Oh, gosh.

Ah, and Eve.

Can you take Miss Pemberton's cases up
to her room, please? Of course.

I wonder if it would be possible for me
to have a word. I assume you are the

manager. Yes, that's right. Well, owner,
actually.

Harry Crawford.

Well, when you have a minute, Mr
Crawford.

Look, why don't you wait in my office?

I'll give you two minutes.

Lovely.

Can I help you, sir?

Yes, Dobson.

Dobson? Yes, I'll come to stay.

Oh, I see. Do you have a reservation?

Yes. Dobson.

I'm afraid I can't find anything for
Dobson down here, sir. It was today, was

it? That's right.

Oh, Dudley.

Mr. Dudley.

I'm sorry.

Are you Mr. Dobson or Mr. Dudley? No,
you see, you've misunderstood.

George Dobson is my associate.

He made the booking, therefore I assumed
it would be in his name.

In actual fact, my name is Dudley.

D -U -D -L -E -Y.

Oh, honey, could you deal with Mr
Dudley?

If you'll excuse me, sir.

Right there, Mr Dudley, yeah?

Tonight and tomorrow night, you can see.
Do you have a jukebox here?

No. I'd still prefer not to have a room
above the bar.

No, you're well away from there. You're
on the top floor.

There's no lift, I notice.

But in the antiques business, like
anything else, one simply can't afford

stand still.

Oh, you're right.

The competition for good pieces in
London is getting ridiculous.

So I've decided to see what the
provinces have to offer.

I've made a few contacts,

paid a few ads.

But I have to admit, I've arrived here a
trifle underprepared.

So, how can I help you?

Well, I have a van with me, but if I do
really well, I'm going to need storage

space. I was wondering if... If you
could store your whatnots here.

You're way ahead of me, Mr Crawford.
Well, I'm sorry, Miss Pemberton, but I

haven't got the room.

But look, what you need is a lock -up
garage in Warehouse.

Now, there I might be able to help you.

Oh, really?

Well, I've got a few contacts and I know
the town pretty well.

Super. I am grateful.

Then perhaps you might be able to help
me with my other little problem.

Oh, try me.

I'm looking for someone who knows the
area.

To help with the loading and unloading,
driving the van and so on.

I do need someone reliable and
trustworthy.

And I'm prepared to pay well for a
week's work.

Leave that with me as well.

Cheers, Harry. No way.

It's only for a week. Come on, I'm not
the hotel odd job man, am I? You'd be

doing yourself a favour, Ken.

And the money is very good. Well, you
take a week off. You do it.

No, don't be ridiculous.

Now, look.

I know you're strapped for cash.

And you're always talking about getting
another greenhouse.

No, Harry.

I'm sorry.

Hang on a bit.

Now then, sir.

So this is the bar, is it?

Yes. Is your wine by the glass French?

Yes, sir. We offer the Beaujolais.

Or if you'd like a white wine, there's
the Muscadet. I see.

So which would you prefer?

Oh, neither.

I never drink during the day.

So what do you want to?

Change.

Could you break it into ten pieces?

Fifty and five tens would be all right.

If that's all you've got, it'll have to
be, won't it?

Thank you.

Thank you.

No, I think you're being a mook, Ken.

I mean, it's his fast money.

It's cash in the hand.

How? Come on, Harry, it's not my game,
is it? Pottering around with some old

dear, trying to pick up Ming Varses.

The old dear's just walked in.

Hello, Miss Pemberton.

Have a seat.

Miss Pemberton, this is the chap I was
telling you about, Ken Boone.

Delighted to meet you.

Hello.

Can I get you a drink? What would you
like?

Oh, just a tonic water, please, Harry.

Coming right up.

Oh. You're going to drive us around.

What a blessed relief.

Do you know, this city's impossible.

I almost gave up when I hit the
bullring.

There will be some lifting and carrying.

It's mostly light, delicate objects.

So I need someone who'll handle things
with care.

I haven't exactly accepted it yet, have
I?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I can't before the horse.

We haven't discussed perm things, have
we?

No, but... Well, I can offer you £40 a
day for a guaranteed seven days.

Cash in hand, of course.

Well, it's a very good offer.

But I can't start for about three days.
We've got something fixed up.

Oh, that is a shame.

Because I need someone who can start
right away, really.

Here you go.

Cheers, Harry.

Unfortunately, Ken can't start till
Monday.

Why? What's the problem?

Old George could look after your place.
No, it's not that.

I plan to go away for the weekend.

Excuse me. That storage space you said
you wanted. I think I found just the

thing.

Hello, your old friend, Jamal Khan.

I thought he'd gone bust.

Yeah, that's why the warehouse is empty.

He said he'd be round there in half an
hour.

Thanks, Hanif.

There you are, your storage space.

Marvellous.

But where is it?

How do I get there?

Well, you're not busy just this minute,
are you, Ken?

What do you think?

Well, there's a bit of a mess in there.

But it's dry and secure and there's
plenty of space.

I think it'll do.

Watch him on the money. He's a bit fly,
apparently.

You couldn't do better.

Not at such short notice.

You won't be using it for anything else,
will you?

Some of my pieces will be quite fragile.

No, no, no.

It's all yours.

I'm out of this business now.

But I'm stuck with the lease.

Okay. What are you thinking of charging?

My lease works out approximately 125 a
week.

I'll do you a favor.

You can have it for 100.

Oh, come on. That's a bit steep for out
here, isn't it, Jamal?

I'll tell you what.

Pay me cash, and you can have it for 90.

For cash, 80.

Okay.

You're robbing me.

80 it is.

80 pounds, Mr. Khan.

And here are the keys.

I'm sure you'll understand if I use my
own padlock.

Naturally.

Thank you very much, Mr. Curran.

Don't worry.

No one will know.

One week's all right.

Hey, you handle that.

Very well.

That's all right.

It really would be invaluable for me to
have someone like you, who's experienced

and knows the area.

I'm afraid I feel a bit of a fish out of
water up here.

It's a great shame you're tied up this
weekend.

Come in.

Sorry to interrupt, Harry, but I just
popped in to say I can't do your books

tomorrow. I'm away for the weekend.

Oh, ah, somewhere nice.

Well, just Acapulco again.

Yeah, good.

Actually, Doreen, we ought to get this
sorted out.

What? Well, that insurance broke has
been on to me again.

Seems to want a lot of information, and
I don't understand half of it.

I don't know, the better the business
goes, the more headaches you seem to

Well, it's quite simple, Harry. He just
wants to have the details of your new

fire insurance requirements, that's all.

Go on, drop him a quick line.

Well, you know your type better than I
do, anyway.

Oh.

You can get the insurance file out for
me.

Listen, give us five minutes, OK?

Fine. I've got a call to make anyway.

I need... Give this to Mr Arironi. See
if it meets with his approval.

C 'est pas la union.

I'm not having him blame me if he
doesn't get his rating. Oh, no.

Oh, yeah.

I think I need to find... I want to get
hold of Doreen. You'd be quicker

walking. She's in the office.

The gear we picked up in Manchester, the
desk and the Chippendale go in the

Battersea shop.

Stick all the bricks up on the Berman's
door.

Yes, it's looking good up here.

Harry's lumbered me with this, but I've
got one more appointment this afternoon,

so we can still get away by six.

Did he mention the job?

I don't think so. What job?

Well, some people staying are in the
antique business. You know, they need a

hand. So?

Well, he's put it my way.

The money's very tempting.

Oh, so you've taken the job? Well,
that's great.

Well, no, I said I'd have a word with
you first.

It's going to screw up our weekend.

I've got to start straight away.

Oh, I see.

Well, come on, I mean, you weren't that
keen on going to the lakes anyway, were

you? It was my idea.

Probably not your sort of thing.

I'm going to make 300 quid. It means
another greenhouse.

We can always go another weekend, can't
we?

Well, that's not the point, Ken.

I mean, we've planned this one.

I've spent all week rearranging
everything, and you want to call it off

hours notice? All right, all right, I
haven't accepted you. I said I'd talk to

you first.

Oh, Ken, it's up to you. It's your
decision.

No. We'll go to the lakes.

No.

You obviously want to do this job. I
mean, I'm not going to drag you away.

Oh, there'll be other weekends.

Anyway, I've got to get Harry to sign
this.

Honey, can you make sure that Harry
signs this for me and gets it off in the

post? Sure.

Doreen, just a minute, love.

I'm sorry, it just seemed too good to
miss.

Look, it's all right, Ken.

For goodness sake, take the job, but
don't go on about it. I really will get

angry. You managed to sort it all out,
Ken?

Oh, Dorian, this is Georgina, the
antiques lady I was telling you about.

Delighted to meet you.

Oh, yes.

Hello.

Ken, put that... Right at the back, by
the bedstead. Okay.

You're only making work for yourself,
laddie, carrying it like that.

The secret's in the knees.

Keep your back straight.

Bend your knees, man.

Right. I'll bear that in mind.

My mother was expecting a little bit
more than this, actually.

Your advert said top price is paid.

I'm afraid that is top price for her
things, Mrs Hutchins.

I can only pay what the market dictates.
And her furniture's not, strictly

speaking, antique.

However, if you want to... No, I suppose
not.

It's your business. I expect you know.

I doubt if she could have done better,
quite honestly.

Ah, Ken.

I suggest you bring the ottoman next.

Ottoman, eh?

Sounds like a right knee -bender.

An easy error to make, I grant you, but
an error nevertheless.

On the list, it does say a pot of tea
and a time, sir. No, I specifically ask

for the financial times, not the times.

Then that's our fault, Mr Dudley.

I'm afraid I don't have the financial
times. I'm sorry. I'll make sure you

it tomorrow.

Fine.

Good morning, sir. Good morning.

Breakfast's through there. Thank you.

He's an odd one, don't you think?

He's a guest, Hanif, and that's good
enough for me. He's our bread and

Or indeed our coffee and queso, judging
by the new breakfast menu, eh, Harry?

No, don't you start.

I've got enough problems with Ethel.

You've been at your VAT account again,
haven't you, Harry?

The van needed a service.

Yeah, well, you shouldn't pay our VAT.
This money belongs to the customs and

excise. Well, I just juggled about a
bit.

I mean, people spend money they owe me,
you know.

Yeah, well, it'd be much easier if you
kept your account separate.

Oh, sorry, love.

Sorry.

Hey, Doreen.

If I've left anything up for you, I'm
sorry.

I had no idea.

I thought I was doing him a favour.

Oh, it's all right.

He never mentioned you was going away.

No, he wouldn't. He's discreet.

Yeah, well, anyway, I'll make a lot more
money working for her than flogging a

few plants.

What's she like?

Oh, Georgina.

Oh.

Smart woman.

Own business.

Well, she's obviously a little bit green
as far as the area's concerned.

Actually, I'd say she was a touch naive
all round, but very nice.

Naive?

Well, she seems to have got what she
wants out of you lot.

Come again?

Well, you're all falling over yourselves
backwards, aren't you, to help her?

I'm not in this business to hinder
guests, Doreen.

If I didn't know you better, I'd play
you fancy, Dara.

Don't be silly.

She's not my type at all.

Aye, where the entire Luftwaffe failed
to achieve.

Those property developers have managed a
stroke of a pen.

The whole street's coming down.

Well, you'll get rehoused, won't you?

The families will.

But for a widower of my age, the choice
they've given is a brutal one.

It's either I move in with one of my
children or I'll have the old folks

Well, what are you going to do?

I'll be all right.

I've got son and two daughters.

And invitations to live with them all.

I brought them up strict, but I brought
them up right.

I'm always welcome in the booth of my
family.

I'm away this afternoon to my eldest
daughter's.

50 years I've lived in this street, and
now I'm to go.

It'll take more than a bit of uprooting
to upset me.

Are you the head man in this outfit?

No.

I'm a sort of hired donkey, you know,
fetching and carrying.

I have one or two items of my own I have
to go.

A couple of farms said they would call
round last week, but they never did.

Now they say next week.

Well, that's no use to me.

Well, you'll have to see the boss.

Mind you, she only deals in antiques,
you know, valuable pieces.

Oh, I see.

You've tied that knot all wrong.

It's obvious you've never seen service
in the Navy, or anywhere else for that

matter.

Well, it's my first day on the job. Just
as well I got you around, innit? Put me

right.

Okay.

All done.

Yeah.

Is everything secure?

There's some rather nice pieces in
there.

Excuse me, ma 'am.

Maris Johnson.

Hello. That young lad was saying that
you might like to take a look at my

possessions.

They're all to go. I haven't been let
down.

We're full up, I'm afraid.

But I'm only just down the street.

All right. I'll take a quick look. But I
can't promise anything.

Follow me.

This is it.

Well, Tina, each of the breakfast mess.

I've had a busy morning.

Of course.

Don't worry.

Oh, I know what you're thinking.

What a fearsome conglomeration.

I would have preferred a more spartan
room myself.

But Moira, my wife, fair love to clutter
of things.

Her knickknacks, as she called them.

Waste of money, most of them, of course.

But when she went, well, I couldn't find
it in myself to clear them

out.

Now I have no choice.

No choice?

Aye. We've been given our marching
orders.

My suitcases are packed. I'm away this
afternoon.

So all this has to go today?

Well, there's a farm supposed to be
coming next week, but I'd like it gone

before I leave.

Well, as you know, my van's full up.

Aye. Well, it was just a thought.

If I can unload and get back. Why did
you get these?

Oh, I've no idea.

Something Moira picked up years ago.

Hmm.

Well, uh...

I think I'm going to need an extra hand
to move this.

So, you could be interested, then?

You're right.

It is rather a conglomeration.

Still, let's see what I can do.

10, 20, 30, 40.

Well, you'd better give me an extra
tenner or so.

Why? Well, I need to restock Spice Rack
and what have you. Oh, of course.

Shall I lash out in some Madras curry
powder as well?

Or are we confining ourselves to the
European continent?

I leave that to you, Ethel.

Why is it that whenever the words change
or progress are mentioned, people have

to be carried kicking and screaming
towards them?

Vosprung durch Technik, as the Germans
say, Harry.

What? Progress through technology.

Perhaps you should change your infrared
computer. We can't stay in the meeting

too very aged forever.

We'd become extinct.

Yes, come in.

Oh, hello.

Sorry to interrupt.

Just wanted a quick word with Harry, Mr
Crawford.

Yes, go ahead.

Harry, I'm in a jam.

I've come to ask you for a teeny favour.

Well, it's a big favour, actually.

Yeah, shoot.

I need a strong man to give me an hour
of his time.

Don't we all?

Yes, well, how can I help you? No, I
need an extra hand with a piece of

furniture. It'll only take half an hour.

What, me?

Well, I'm pretty tied up, unfortunately.

Oh, dear.

Won't take long.

What half an hour, you say?

Where is it?

You're a treasure, I'll tell you.

Ken's unloading the van and meet us at
the house.

How are we going to get there?

Well, I thought perhaps your car.

Is that all right?

I'll pay for the petrol.

Yeah, I suppose so.

But I really can't be too long.

Give me two minutes.

It's Hanif's afternoon off.

So would you mind leaving that and
keeping an eye on reception and things

I'm out?

Of course.

I'll do that weenie thing for you,
Parrot.

Thanks.

Stop slouching!

Get your jacket off.

You're working with the crack troops
now.

All right.

And what regiment were you in?

Yes, well, it's just a figure of speech,
isn't it? Shall we get started?

It's later.

Three nights from the 27th, Mr Norville.
Yes, that will be fine.

Thank you.

Bye.

Good afternoon, sir. May I help you?

I'm booked in, I believe.

Philip Banks.

Oh, yes, that's right, sir.

Um, five nights from today.

If you'd like to fill that in for me,
please.

Is the bar still open?

No, I'm afraid we're out of life and
hours now, sir.

Oh. In that case, we'll have a large
vodka, ice, no lemon, sent up to my

Yes, sir.

Is my associate, Miss Pemberton, around?

No, she's, um, out at present.

Not to worry.

May I help you, sir?

Please, carry on.

My best handwriting.

Thanks.

I'll find it myself.

Try not to be too long with that drink.

OK.

Of course.

Now, then. Is Honeyford out?

No, he's out at present. Can I give him
a message?

No, no message.

Are you sure I can't help in some way?

Very kind, miss, but no.

I'll call back later.

Well, what's happened to the crack
troops, eh?

Oh, leave it out. I'm knackered.

I think me back's gone.

You should live from the knees. That's
the secret.

Oh, dear, Harry.

Are you all right?

Yeah, just about.

They do me a favour.

Next time you want a strong man.

Forget me and find one.

Sod it.

What's up?

I've left me jacket at Murdoch's. I'll
have to go and get it. I hope he's still

there. Oh, tough.

I'm already three hours late.

You come in, Georgina. Do you want a
lift?

Well, you'd better go with the walking
wounded.

I'll see you later.

Hey, come in. I'm ready for you.

Oh, it's you.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I left my jacket here.

Oh, in the room.

You swept up.

We should have done that.

No, lad.

I clean up more than this.

Strange, now it's all gone.

Yeah.

All gone.

You all right?

What time's your daughter picking you
up?

She is fetching you, isn't she?

I left her as I found it.

30 years ago, Ira and I walked in that
door.

It was clean and empty then.

It's clean and empty now.

My duty is all done.

It's strange, all swept up, you know,
when it's going to be pulled down

That's not the point!

Martin Johnson never left anywhere but
in a condition he hoped to find it.

Training, breeding, what you will.

All done now.

Where's your tool to live?

You bring them bawling, screeching into
the world.

You nudge them, chide them, chew them
away.

You do what you can, you can't do more.

You alright, mate?

Do you want a lift anywhere? I've got a
van outside.

They're on their way.

The smiling ones.

Come along now, Mr. Johnson. There's a
good chap.

Well, I've tossed a lot of them.

As if I was a wee bear.

As if I didn't understand to walk on my
own two feet.

Old folks' homes.

They'll cover me in blankets and plant
me out in the garden to watch the grass

grow, spoon -feeding me with that milk
of human kind.

Well, I'll knock her down that path,
I'll tell you, laddie.

So you're going to be in a home?

Aye.

I never asked for charity in my life.

I won't go capping hands with my own
flesh and blood.

What about your daughters?

Well, what would you have me say?

They don't want me.

They're throwing their eyes.

I won't go.

Oh, you don't want the old man with us?

So be it. I'll not be a burden to any of
them. The home it's to be.

Yeah, I see.

They ought to be ashamed of themselves.

And I'll not sit here and listen to you
miscalling them either.

They're still my family, right or wrong.
Yeah, all right. I'm sorry.

Anyway, you can have a bonus to your
pension.

Georgina said your stuff was good
quality.

We had to take great care of it.

Did she?

That's more than she told me.

No call for it, she said.

We're doing you a favour, taking her
away.

It's worth a lot of money. I mean, I can
see that.

How much did she give you?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

It upset me.

Haggling over Moira's things.

In the end, I took what she offered.

60 quid.

What? 60 quid?

I'll leave it at that.

They were no more use to me.

I had hope for a bit more, but there you
go.

I mean, she took everything.

It's worth far more than that.

I'll survive, Larry. I'll survive.

Let's hope the work is here.

Time to go.

Remember now, if you're a great weight
to carry, bend your knees.

Too brittle luck to wear vases, are you
sure?

They're genuine, all right.

And the dresser as well.

Could be taking a few grounds' worth,
yeah?

How much do you pay for them?

60 quid, the lot.

I didn't have a clue.

Oh, good evening, sir.

What can I get for you?

Do you keep a bourbon whisky?

Oh, no, not much call for it.

But I do have some very fine scotches,
including a 12 -year -old malt, if

a whisky man.

No, it doesn't matter.

I'll try a bit of lemon, if I may.

Harry, is that Georgina about?

Yeah, she's right there in the dining
room.

The menu's a bit pretentious for a place
like this, isn't it?

Oh, uh, Ken.

Philip Banks, my associate.

He'll be with us for the rest of the
week.

Time. Georgie says you're the best
kipper and loader she's ever had. Oh,

Here's your plan, Keith.

Super.

Can I get you a drink? No, thanks.

Had a busy day, I hear. Yeah, you could
say that.

Bill, be a sweetie and do the honors.
I'm sure Ken could do with a drink,

really. No, leave me out.

Suit yourself, old man.

Anything wrong, Ken?

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

It's none of my business, but how much
money did you pay that old jock for his

furniture? Well, you're right.

It is none of your business.

But he got a good deal.

Why is he saying different?

You took everything he had. A lousy 60
quid.

Is that what he told you?

Well, what did you pay him?

Oh, Ken.

No, he's not quite all there upstairs.

I mean, people of that age... Now, what
do you mean, people of that age? You've

got no chance against sharks like you.

That's a very offensive remark. It's a
very offensive racket.

Look, what is this?

Some stupid old man gives you a
ludicrous sob story.

No, it's not that.

I talked to that woman down the road.
She paid her a pittance and all.

I mean, you told me those things were of
great value.

OK.

I'm in business.

I buy cheaper than I sell. What's wrong
with that? I'll tell you what's wrong

with that. It's robbery. It stinks.

Oh, look.

Get this straight.

I've done nothing illegal.

They've signed the bill of sale.

Anything wrong, Jordan?

No. It's all right. No, it's not all
right.

You are a two -faced, smarmy con artist,
and you can stick your poxy job. Take

it easy. Don't! You pay that geezer what
you owe him.

Totally sorry about that, Harry.

Aren't you a little old to be starting
fighting? Leave it, will you? Leave it!

You bastard.

What the hell is all this about, Ken?
Oh, Harry, let me out of here.

Look, I don't want any trouble.

Yeah, I know.

I know, it's bad for business.

I'm sorry about that, everybody.

We're retired by now, so if you'd just
resume your seats.

Thank you.

Anise, help me clear this mess up.

Excuse me.

My drink went all down my suit. Well,
I'm very sorry about that, sir.

Let me get you another.

No, it's the suit I'm concerned about.
It may stain.

Then I suggest you go and sponge it off
in the bathroom, sir. I'll do it for

you, sir. No, you won't. You'll clear
this up.

I see.

I suppose I'd better go and do it
myself, then.

Let me go and help him. I found out who
he is. I don't care if he's Prince

Flaming Charles.

What's this?

I found it earlier.

He must have dropped it.

He's an hotel inspector.

out of ten for effort, naught out of ten
for brains.

When am I ever going to learn?

Now then,

was it there? Oh, then it wasn't
traffic.

I'm sorry, love.

Either way, you know, it's only 150
miles up the road.

We could still be there by lunchtime.
What do you think, eh?

Harry ought to get rid of them.

Are we going to go to the lakes or not?

There must be something I can do.

Oh, forget about it, Ken. We've been
right through it. There's nothing.

She hasn't broken any laws. She just
used you. It's as simple as that. It's

just me. It's that old boy. He really
needs the money.

Yeah, well, it all belongs to her now.

I mean, short of stealing the stuff back
off her, there's nothing we can do,

love. A bloody hell.

Okay. Three hours up the road.

The clean air.

Good food, nice pub.

Shall we go?

Yeah, all right.

I'll have to pick some gear up at my
place on the way.

This doesn't include service, may I
hope? No, we don't put it on the bills,

It's optional.

We'll leave it up to you.

No objections to a credit card, I trust?

No, we accept all the major ones.

Everything settled, Phil? Mm -hm. Jolly
good.

Morning, Harry.

Morning. I'm sorry we're checking out
early, but under the circumstances...

He being a friend of yours and so on,
we've decided to spend the rest of the

week up here elsewhere.

I understand.

Of course, he got it all wrong.

He simply doesn't seem to understand how
business works.

Well, not my business.

Well, I don't know anything about your
business either.

But I do know Ken Boone.

And I know he doesn't lose his temper
for nothing.

Treat yourself.

Ready, Phil?

Certainly am.

Thanks for everything.

Ah, good morning, sir.

I see the fuchsia's drooping.

Sorry? On the landing.

Needs watering, I'd say.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Paper right this morning, Mr Dudley.
Yeah, thank you.

Well, a bit constitutional before
breakfast, I think.

Are you sure it isn't a hotel,
Inspector?

Afraid so, Harry.

Then you'd better go and water that
fuchsia upstairs, hadn't you?

Oops. Sorry, didn't see you there. My
fault, my fault. How's it going, Jamal?

Fine, fine.

Well, not so good, really.

I need to talk to the lady who's staying
here, Miss Pemberton.

Why?

What's up?

What's all this?

I thought we were going to look at the
lakes, not jump in them. You wait and

see. If it rains up there, you're going
to need a lot more than your little fold

-up trolley.

Thank goodness I find you.

Jamal, what is it?

What can I say?

It wasn't my fault. I was talked into
it.

Yeah? Normally it's something I would
never have done in business. Ask anyone.

have a good name.

I don't know what you're on about.

Please. I can see you're a fighting man.

But I do not like violence. And
remember, I come to you. You didn't have

me. Look, I don't have a clue what
you're talking about.

When you were at the hotel yesterday
looking for Hanif.

That's right. Hanif. I tried to find
him.

I tried to warn you. Warn me? Warn me
about what?

The end of the month, they said.

And now they're doing it today.

Look, we're in a hurry.

For goodness sake, who are doing what
today?

I rent the warehouse to your friend, the
lady.

It wasn't mine to let.

My lease had run out, but I knew it was
empty and I still had some keys, so I

took a chance to make a few pounds.

So somebody else has moved in? No, no,
worse than that.

The bulldozers are moving in there.

I knew it was coming down, but I thought
it was at the end of the month, not

today.

Well, you've come for the wrong man.

You need to contact Miss Pemberton at
the Grand.

No, no, she's left. I've just been
there.

You're the only person I could think of.

Look, as far as I'm concerned, they can
flatten the whole place and everything

in it. It serves her bloody well right.
It's nothing to do with me.

We're off for the weekend.

But what shall I do?

Just let them flatten it.

No, Ken.

Unpack your wellies.

I mean, we can't let that happen.

Hey.

Thank you.

If you'd prefer a light breakfast, might
I recommend the continental menu?

It's chilled orange juice, toast and
preserves, freshly ground coffee, a

baked truffle.

No, thanks.

I think I'll stick to the English. I
like a proper full breakfast to set me

for the day.

Yes, sir.

Tea or coffee?

Tea, of course.

So what does our friendly hotel
inspector want, then? The Continental?

No, the full English, like everybody
else.

Ah, well, c 'est la vie, Harry.

This should take care of your Queen's
porn, Gambit.

Mr Johnson?

Yes? What is it now?

I'm not taking any pills.

I'm sorry to interrupt you.

Ken Boone sent me round to collect you.

Oh.

Is he now?

Just a 20 minute.

I've got some stuff inside.

No, hold up.

Don't knock. Don't speak.

Don't talk.

Stop.

Thank

you,

sir.

Oh, Mr Dudley. Just off.

Hope you enjoyed your stay, sir.

Yes, thank you. Have you signed the
business book?

No. How do you feel you're doing?

You don't see them much these days in
modern hotels, visitors' books.

It's a little tradition I like to keep
up, sir.

Fair enough.

Oh.

Goodbye, then.

Goodbye, sir.

Thank you.

Hey, come on, has he put anything in the
remark column?

Straight, sir.

He's put it's a shabby third -rate dump,
one to be missed.

You're joking.

Hey, come here. Let's have a look.

Actually, he's put a most enjoyable
stay. A home from home. Oh, smashy.

It can't be right.

It did.

God almighty.

What's happened?

What the hell have you done?

Nothing to do with me, love.

You're crazy.

You've flattened the whole bloody place.
I'll have you put away for this.

No, we did it.

It's quite legal. Cancel demolition
order.

I'm renting it.

I've paid good money.

Yeah, but the guise that you rented it
off is pulling a fast one.

It wasn't his to let. You've been using
that illegally.

What have you done with the furniture?

What furniture?

It was locked.

We'd been told it was empty, so we just
knocked the thing down.

If there was anything inside, it's
nothing but dust and ashes now.

You bloody great clown.

Hey, steady on, mate.

I'm just doing me job.

Show me that council order.

Sleep for yourself.

Official stamp and everything.

I suppose you're really enjoying this.

The vases alone were worth hundreds of
pounds, you stupid, small -minded

philistine. What you getting all worked
up about, eh?

You paid sod all for it.

I'm going to give you a really good
hiding this time, chummy.

Don't you chummy me.

Unless you want a couple of weeks in
hospital.

Just sling your hook.

Come on, try it again.

While I'm looking at you.

What's the point?

Come on.

You bastard.

Toodle -pip.

Nice to have met you.

How did that do for you, man?

You've done terrific.

You brought the house down.

Nice one.

That's everything.

These are the last.

Aye, those are mine as well.

Oh, that's lovely.

Remember, Moira, I was fair pleased when
she got those.

Okay, well, we'll get them all in the
auction next week.

And these people are straight, so you
should get a fair price.

She was livid.

Your stuff's worth hundreds of pounds.

A room for a tasty bonus, Murdoch.

That'll be handy.

I could do with a bit of spending money.

As old jets and fogies are off on an
outing next weekend.

Coach trip.

That's nice. Where to?

I think it's at the Lake District or
some god -awful place.

Well, what do you reckon?

Shall we book a couple of seats?

All down.