Original subtitles

Thank you.

May I speak to the manager, please?

Mr Crawford is the owner.

Mayler. Julian Mayler.

This is my associate, Charles Wiggins. How do you do?

How do you do? Well, if we could have a word with you, Mr Crawford.

What about?

We represent Quality Tableware. Thought we might be able to interest you in what

we have to offer.

Come through.

Sorry about the mess.

I must say, you're doing a marvellous job with this place, Mr Crawford. I

remember when it fell on hard times after they closed the railway and built

ring road.

Yes. Okay, what have you got? We supply tableware. Cup, saucers, plates, serving

dishes and so on. In addition, we also have the finest laundry plant in the

Midlands. We collect and deliver at no extra charge. Right, leave them with me.

And if I'm interested, I'll get back to you. I couldn't possibly have a drink,

though, Mr Crawford. I only feel a bit parched. Yeah, sure, what'll it be?

Oh, orange, anything will do, thank you. We offer good prices and fine quality,

Mr Crawford.

Cast an eye over our figures. Go on, please.

Hello, honey.

Hurry about.

He's in a bar with a couple of salesmen.

So, Mr Crawford, we can report back and say we've gained a valuable customer of

the grand.

I didn't say that.

I said I'd let you know.

So I'll tell you something now.

These laundry costs are a damn sight higher than what I'm already paying.

Ah, but are you getting the quality?

Yes.

Let me show you a trick I saw the other day, Mr Crawford. Look, I'm busy. No,

no, no, watch this. It's awfully good.

Now, now, can you get the coin into the glass without touching either?

Can't be done, right?

Wrong.

Charlie, you idiot.

I'm sorry.

I really am. Must have been too many lagers last night, eh?

That's what I meant to do.

I'm awfully sorry, Mr Crawford.

That mirror was new.

It cost £70.

What was that?

You're in luck. We also supply mirrors.

Tell you what they'll do.

Sign a contract with us for tableware and laundry, and we'll throw in a mirror

for free. There. Can't say fairer than that, can we? Get out.

Well, leave that bump. Do have another look at it.

Mr...

Crawford, don't be hasty.

I really think you can sleep on it, Mr Crawford. Good day.

Good day, Mr Crawford.

Harry, what happened to the mirror?

An accident.

Clean up the broken glass, will you, I need.

Harry, who were those men?

Just a couple of stars, my wife.

I just thought I'd seen one of them before.

One's called Quality Tableware.

I knew there was a laundry, clean quick or something.

Oh, yeah, run by someone called Mather. Yes, Mather.

That was one of them.

Yeah, the bad news, Eric.

Oh, I see.

Yeah,

I thought so.

Would you call the police, Eric?

Thanks, George.

OK.

Can you come in tomorrow as well?

Tomorrow? Oh, Friday, yeah, it's all right.

Yeah, I don't suppose you fancy the job full -time?

Oh, no, thanks, Reg.

Dinner thrown in? Good money?

The job's OK.

What? I'm after job satisfaction.

Job satisfaction they want these days.

And what's wrong with shepherd's pie?

Toad in a hole, steak and chips.

It'd take too long to tell you.

Reg?

What? Where do we get all our cups and plates from?

Why? Wouldn't be somewhere called Quality Tableware by any chance.

Why ask if you know?

What are they like?

What is this? 20 questions?

Oh, hey, keep your shirt on. What a time you were back at your table. I took me

break ten minutes late.

Oh, this place is getting too much.

Why you ask about the... Oh, just curious.

The crooks.

What way?

Ah, look at this place.

No -one makes no trouble. Why?

Cos Reg buys his stuff from the right people.

What do you mean, Henrika?

You remember the last manager, Alf? Yeah. He didn't agree, so...

They get their push.

All right, I'm coming.

Good evening, sir. Good evening.

I'd like a room, please. Single or double?

Single.

Okay.

And how long will you be staying?

I haven't decided yet. A week? Maybe longer.

Fine, Mr.

Garthas. It's room 11 on the first floor. Thank you.

Again?

Once a day a week.

Well, he hasn't got a car, so he can't be a salesman.

Here, and he hasn't put his address.

You think I should have asked him for a deposit?

No, not if he's here for a week.

See, he's in for a night merchant, so you have to keep tugs on.

Right, off you go home, Annie.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Thanks, Darius.

Well, there you go now.

Bye, Darius.

Well,

perhaps you're right. I mean, there are other things you could do. I mean...

As it happens, you could help me fertilise the Ponderosa.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Ken, there's something else.

I'm worried about Harry.

Oh, she's worried. Ken, I'm serious.

What do you mean?

Well, I think he's being leaned on.

Leaned on? Yeah.

Two fellas came round yesterday, right? They said they were salesmen.

Harry didn't seem keen. And the next thing is, the new mirror in the bar goes

for a Burton.

What? They said they were from...

Quality tableware.

Same people who provide this place.

And Enrico says that they make offers that you don't refuse.

What did Harry do about it?

I don't know.

Clammed up.

Virtually told me to mind my own business.

Did he go to the police?

Oh, I don't think so.

Right, now behave yourself.

Why do you have to come to a dump like this? Because I want to.

What's that supposed

to

mean? It means look at you. I'm hardly able to stand up. It's the only way I

get through one of your evenings, Julian.

I've had better times watching me now, police driver.

Look, push off, honey. You're making me nervous.

I don't want to go home.

She's staying at my place.

Get her back there, OK?

Very well, sir, if that's what you want. Hold on. Why don't you ask me what I

want? Get her home, OK?

Hey, I want to... Get off!

Hold it, Rachel!

I'm perfectly all right.

Take her home.

I'm in a cab.

That'll take half an hour to get here. You've got a bike, haven't you? I can't

believe it. Just get on with it.

Evening, ladies.

I'm not seeing you.

Where do you live? Where do you live?

Come here, stand up.

You live with that geezer, Maver.

Please.

Where do you want to go?

What's all this then?

She needs somewhere to sleep, I reckon. Oh, does she now?

Oh, come on, give us a key.

I run a respectable establishment here, Ken.

Hey, come on, cut the cackle.

Well, you know, the boy's quite right about me here, isn't he?

He's stoned as a camel and twice as heavy. Come on.

Well, I'm afraid the bridal suite's taken. Oh, ha, ha, ha.

She's out cold.

Harry, what's going on?

Harry, what's the game?

Harry! She better, it's all right. Come on, you've got to go to the place.

They're on your back. The place! Oh!

smashing. Oh, come on, they know about it. Look, mate, I want to stay in

Dresden.

I mean, if I try and fight these people by going to the police, I'll be out of

the hotel trade for good.

Oh, come on, what do you want about it? Now, look at this.

I mean, can the police stop this happening again?

Can the police stop stars coming through the window, petrol through the

letterbox, and that's all it takes?

But anyway, even if I do call them in, who'd want to stay in a hotel with a

panda car in the drive and a uniformed copper behind every corner?

They can trace them. Trace them how? Where's the link? Where's the proof?

the beauty of it. And I don't want you getting involved in this, Ken.

They're nasty.

Morning, Esther.

Where's our plate and cup?

What's happened to all the tableware? I'm changing it over.

Why? Well, a lot of it was cracked and hygienic.

I'll have to make do with what I've been able to scrounge until the new lot gets

here. Oh, it weren't all cracked, Harry, not everything. Just get on with the

breakfast, Ethel, not so much the chat, hey?

No need to be so shirty.

Oh, quality tableware.

Yes, sir, may I help you? Well, I'd like to place an order.

Yes, can you give me the details, please?

Yes. Just list them. Side plates, dinner plates, cups and saucers, serving

dishes.

Three dozen of each.

Would you like these delivered as soon as possible? Yes, I want them by this

afternoon. This afternoon?

Yeah, right away.

Right, can I have the address, please?

The Grand Hotel.

And your name?

My name's Crawford.

Good morning.

Morning.

Morning. How's business?

Oh, it's coming on.

Nice little look of paint around the old plate.

Look, it's about your new sign.

What about it? Have you got council permission?

You're joking.

There's been a complaint.

Residential area sticks out over the road.

Yeah, okay.

It's a formality. Give them a ring. In the meantime, it'll have to come down.

Right. Smashing.

Sorry to bother you.

Your lovely new sign.

Yeah? It's got to come down.

Why? Council have to approve.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Anything wrong?

What? Oh, no, I forgot my handkerchief.

Is it all right if I have an early lunch?

Yeah, yeah, just go straight through. Thank you.

Hello, Doreen. Hi, honey.

Are you fed up with that sign already?

You won't believe this, Doreen, but we have to have council permission.

Oh, you need that to breathe nowadays.

Good afternoon, madam.

I think you could tell me something.

I'll have a go.

Where am I?

This is the Grand Hotel, madam.

Grand Hotel.

Where?

Birmingham.

It's a large industrial city in the middle of... Your face.

I've been... A friend brought you, madam.

A friend?

Why, it's a sick amount of work.

I remember.

Well, it's all coming back now, is it?

Can I get some breakfast?

Well, lunch has been served through there in the dining room, madam.

Coffee's all I need.

Well, no problem.

Come in right up. Oh, please don't say that.

Not the way I feel.

What's she doing here?

Why, do you know her?

No.

Afternoon, madam.

Speciality today's beef casserole.

Coffee.

This has got a lot of charm.

It has, yes.

Food any, Coles?

Yes, excellent.

Come to get a bit of your ale, could you?

Coles?

Ta.

And the butter.

What's the soup for?

Um... Oh, no, you finish it.

It's very good.

My tragedy also.

Very good, madam.

But maybe I'll look at the menu.

I like to see women eat.

Oh? Yeah, I've always thought it a very, you know, attractive habit. In ladies,

I mean.

What? Be a class relative?

Are you staying here very long?

Don't know, love.

I'm better off here than other places I could be.

A couple of days, maybe.

I reckon it's all in the past.

It'd be wonderful to live like that.

Not really.

My status brings a slap in the face, the whiffy.

What do you do anyway?

Well, I used to be a clerk in the civil service.

Well, someone's got to do it, I suppose.

But I've moved on.

What is it now, then?

Besides tracking off girls in hotels.

Oh, er, no, please, don't think I... What's more so for you, aren't you, Sue?

Quality tableware.

All right.

What do you want to treat?

Kitchen.

I love you. I love you. All right.

Yeah. I wondered if you'd like to see my family album.

Your what?

Family album.

I found it in the bottom of my suitcase.

I'd love to.

Oh, great. My name is Garbutt Sidney. Well, Mr. Garbutt Sidney. No, no, no.

Sidney's my first name. Well, it might be later, OK?

I've got a bit of a red right now.

Oh, I'm sorry. I've got some aspirin. Oh, it's all right. I've just been a

little odd and love to see about how it's like. All right?

Yeah, of course. Sorry. All right. Ta -ta. Ta -ta.

Hey, you be careful. You'll break them.

There's plenty more where they come from, missus. Don't be cheeky.

Remember me?

The one with the buzz?

Well done.

Now, come here, quick.

Quickly.

You see those two geezers down there? Do you know them?

Yeah, a couple of Julian's people.

What do they do for him?

How do I know? He never talks you off to me.

He runs a protection racket, doesn't he, Miss Roberts?

Patsy. All right, Patsy, tell me.

Look, mate, I'm not his private secretary.

He pepped me, all right.

Sometimes he gave me things, mostly red eggs.

I don't know anything and I don't want to know anything.

I'm sorry.

Oh, shower going.

Yeah, I heard you were talking and I thought perhaps the red egg's gone.

it's gone, Sidney. Come on in.

I'll see you later.

Yeah. What?

Don't go getting mixed up with blokes like Julian.

He could be a real bastard.

Don't worry, love. You should see me when I lose my rag.

Here, I brought you this.

Oh, kiddo, David Riley.

Show us what you've got.

Right.

Well, that was our wedding.

August the 3rd, 1955.

The blokes in that van have made us heavies. Yeah, they come in here, break

our crockery, and nobody does anything about it. Not quite.

What does that mean? People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

What?

Doctor!

That's your wife?

Yeah. She's very attractive.

I met her when I was 15.

A friend of mine, Brian Garthwaite, brought her into the table tennis club.

She was gorgeous.

Oh, I know at 15 you fall in love twice a week, but, well, I was... Smitten's

the only word. We were married at 19.

19! Hello to you!

Very very nice of you.

Well, it was the beginning.

Then she told me she didn't want to have any children.

Have I?

I tried to get her to change her mind, but it was no good.

Sidney. What?

What are you doing here?

Well,

I thought perhaps you might want to see my father album. I mean, what are you

doing in this hotel?

Have you left your wife or what?

Well...

About a month ago, we had a party to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary.

And?

And I found out that Sylvia and he, she and Brian, were lovers.

And more than that, they'd been having an affair for 30 years.

Oh, I can't believe it. Throughout our entire... Everyone heard.

See, Sylvia had too much to drink and her row got started and it all came out.

Oh, you poor...

I could see why you left her.

Are you going to divorce her or what?

We're not married any more.

What do you mean? You can't get a divorce in a month?

She's dead.

What?

I killed her.

And him.

Oh, God.

I buried him in the garden.

Everyone there, they all think they just ran away together.

Why did you have to... Tell me this.

Well, you said... Oh, sure, I mean, God, people did.

God almighty.

Well, I had to tell someone, and you're the first person I've been able to...

Well, thanks.

Thanks a lot, Sidney Garber.

What?

The whole van load?

What do you mean, idiot on a bike?

Was it deliberate?

I see.

No, carry on as usual, with another load.

Hold on a bit.

Where's your next delivery?

I see.

Bye.

Number 11, then?

Nope. Well, he's had to do, like, the third line on his door all day.

You think something's wrong?

I don't know.

Have you seen Mr. Harbert today?

No. Come with me.

Where did you last see him? I thought... Was he all right?

What do you know about him? About as much as you do, and that sign's been on

day.

God, he's not dead, is he?

No.

He's still breathing.

Give me a hand to get him up.

Wake up, Mr Goldick. Wake up. What can I do?

Ring for a doctor.

Go on.

Well, I don't think a doctor will be any good. All right, if you won't go for a

doctor, I'll go. No, no, I'll go.

Wait, wait.

He's coming round.

Maybe you're right. Maybe we should keep a doctor out of this.

Go and tell Hanif to make a pot of strong black coffee.

Who's the else, Annie? The bloke on reception. Go on, make it a big pot.

All right.

Come on, Mr. Garber. Up you come.

On your feet. On your feet.

Come on. Wake up. Wake up.

Come on.

You'd lost her from that coffee.

Give it to Garber. Try the topping, Phil.

Coffee. All right.

Hello, can I speak to Mr. Mather, please?

Hello, Mather.

Names don't matter.

Just cop this, Mather.

You made a mistake when you bust up the kitchen at the Grand Hotel.

This is just to say that the little run of accidents your lads have been having

will continue if we don't lay off the Grand.

They will?

Yeah, that's right.

You're frightening the hell out of me.

It is just a friendly warning.

I'm sure when you think about it, you realise you don't need the grand on your

books.

Here's some more coffee, then. Go on.

Down you go.

What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Come on, Sidney, stand up.

Stand up.

Leave me.

What are we going to do? I don't know.

Maybe we should have told Harry.

Maybe we should have phoned the police.

Now look at us.

Doreen, give us a hand. I can't manage you on my own. Perhaps we can one more

night. Come on, Sidney, up you come. Stand up. What am I to do this for?

Till he can do it for himself.

Come on, Sidney, get it together.

Come on.

Stand up. Come on, you can do it now. Come on. Come on.

That's more like it.

Listen,

Patsy, I'm going to be late for work, you know.

I'm sorry.

I shall think you are, bloody lunatic.

I don't think I've done something like that for life.

Scaring everyone to death. Why did you just leave me to die?

Nothing's worth dying over, Sidney. Not even a cheating wife.

Listen, Patsy, I'll be late for the casino.

Reckon you can manage on your own now. I reckon so.

I ain't going to give me any more trouble, I love.

OK. I'll see you later, then.

They'll get me.

I know it.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life in prison. Why didn't you just

me to it?

No need for names, Mr. Boone.

But you so much as chip another piece of our merchandise, and I'll personally

put you through the shredder.

Looking someone.

Doesn't Mr. Sidney Garber live here?

Yes. I'm Mrs. Garber.

Is there anything I can do?

You're his wife.

Not his mother.

Is he in trouble again?

Again?

I was just thinking about elevensies.

Why don't you join me?

And then we managed to bring him round.

Of course we did.

Why do you say that?

Get a chemist to check that bottle of pills.

The odds are it's got nothing but aspirin in it.

Mrs Garford, what's wrong with your husband?

Sidney's a man whose midlife crisis has been going on since he was 25.

He's a clerk in the civil service, but he's been tortured by a burning passion

to be a writer, a trade for which, sadly, he has never been equipped.

all this fuss about, then? I mean, fake suicide, hiding out in a hotel?

Sidney got it into his head that if he wanted to write about someone, he had to

live like him.

Sort of get inside the character.

Didn't do any good, of course. His efforts still ended up in the bottom

Heaven knows who he thinks he is this time.

You're shocked that I laughed at him?

No.

Surprised, maybe.

Mrs Evans said we took him seriously.

We'd have had him certified years ago.

We? The children and I.

You have children?

Well, they've grown up now, of course.

How many children do you have?

Four. Why?

Well, he never mentioned them.

I'm not surprised.

I often felt Sidney never wanted to have children. I thought they interfered

with his art.

May I introduce Mrs Evans?

This is a friend of the family, Brian Garthwaite.

Careful, Annie.

You might have been OK.

Thank you, Harry.

Sorry, Doreen. We now have an official hotel site.

Here, hold the fort for a minute, will you? Yeah, where are you going?

Solicitors. There's some problem about the bar licence.

Oh. By the way, go and have a look in the kitchen.

What at?

I don't know.

A grown man fighting.

What's this?

Oh, that's all cripple.

Who did it?

Mather's business associates.

Why? Oh, he thought he could take them on all by himself.

Needs his head examining.

So that's what you were doing, then?

I mean the inside.

What did you do, Ken?

Bit of tit for tat. Bit of what?

I smashed up Harvey's deliveries.

You never.

Then, would you believe, he rang them up and said if they didn't lay off here,

they'd get more at same.

Oh, Gordon Bennett.

Well, it always works in the movies, doesn't it? I mean, Charlie Bronson gets

away with it all the time.

Well, what did you tell Harry, Charlie Bronson?

I told him I fell off my bike.

Anyway, they found out who I was, where I lived.

I hardly put the fear of God into them.

Well... Your heart's in the right place, even if your brain isn't.

I'm not so sure anything is the right place.

That's all. Thanks. Thanks. OK.

Next time it'll be a splinter plaster job at the hospital.

So just you watch it, me lad.

Yeah.

Must

be

a better way to fix me, then.

Less painful, anyway.

I wish he'd stick around all the time.

Who? Policemen.

Mather wouldn't touch us if we were running a police station.

Yeah, nor would the guests, according to Harry.

No. But then we wouldn't be, of course.

Just so Mather thought we were.

Aye.

You're on the wrong track with this, Charles Bronson, Ken. I need something

subtler. A set -up.

Newman and Redford, for instance.

The thing is, we need somebody to play the part. Play what part? What are you

whipping all about, Doreen? Well, you're out. I mean, I know your face.

Well, our mosquito's got 20 ,000 teeth. I mean, not many people know that.

We just need someone with the nerve to carry it off for ten minutes. That's

I'm getting a bit worried about you, love.

Yes?

Who? Crawford. Oh,

the grand. Yes, put him on.

Hello. Hello, Mater.

What do you want, Crawford?

I've been thinking it over.

You win. I'll sign your bleeding contract.

Tableware and laundry, OK?

That's very wise of you. I knew you'd see reason in the end.

There's just one thing. I've got to go down to London in a couple of hours. Do

you think you could bring the papers over right now?

All right.

I'll be there.

Now, listen.

You're always banging on about your sex appeal. Banging on me?

Go and ask that copper in here for a cup of tea.

Right.

Good afternoon.

Mr Crawford, please.

I'm sorry, I had to go out.

I only spoke to him 20 minutes ago.

Oh, Mr Mather? Yes.

He left a note and he said he'd be back in a few minutes this evening.

And he asked me to say how sorry I was and would you mind waiting?

Would you like some tea or some coffee? No, thanks.

Good afternoon, sir. May I help you? I

wonder...

Chief Superintendent.

Mr Crawford's solicitors in the office. If you'd like to go through. Thank you.

Mr Croft.

Oh, good afternoon. My name's Croft. I represent Mr Crawford. Good afternoon.

Garbert, CID.

Mrs Evans, would you make sure we're not disturbed for a couple of minutes?

Oh, certainly, Mr Croft.

and wish to use his premises for a... Yes, we have an investigating team

up into the area looking to a VAT fraud.

Now, it's a complex and lengthy business, so it's essential that we have

This place would be perfect.

It's out of the way, not too busy.

Now, when you say lengthy... Oh, six months at least, maybe longer.

Well, I shall have to seek my client's assurance.

Oh, naturally, we'd be very discreet. We'd be just like ordinary guests, pay

normal room rates. Well, we'd be like ordinary guests, apart from the

surveillance equipment and the extra telephone lines we need to bring in.

And how many new team chiefs?

Twelve.

We will, of course, require absolute security.

I mean, if word of this operation were to leak out, we'd be finished.

Well, I'm sure my client realizes that.

I

shall

highly recommend that he accept your terms.

Oh, thank you very much.

Through then.

Thanks for the tea, love.

Very kind.

Any time.

Let's hope we see a lot more of you in the next few months, officer. I hope so

too. Harry!

We've got council permission for the side.

Yes, sir. Everything's fine.

I think we'll move in next week.

Harry, your meeting with Elverquick, wasn't it?

What the hell are you doing here? Listen, it was a mistake. A mistake, eh?

just came to say... You just came to say goodbye, you little creep.

I should have done this before.

You show your nose in here again and I'll chop it off.

Trouble, sir.

Not now.

Are you here again?

Yes. Who's in there, darling?

Um... Eh?

Now...

Harry, I know you don't like people interfering in your affairs, but... What

you doing in my office, Ken? And you?

I think we can safely say you won't be bothered by Mather or his goons any

Too right, mate.

I stuck a flea in his ear the size of a turkey.

What?

A firm stand, that's all it needed.

Show me another one to be pushed about.

I should have done it from the start.

Is Ethel in?

It did work, didn't it? Oh, you're wonderful, Sidney. We're like a dream.

Hey, how did I do?

Oh, masterly.

Shame you'll never know.

I told Patsy I'd been exaggerating a bit.

And what did she say?

Well, she laughed, said she had not as much fun in the earth, asked me when I

was next performing.

And did you tell her?

No, I didn't. I hadn't decided to... I think I will now.

Excuse me.

What's all that about?

It'd take a long, quiet hour to tell you.

I didn't know you were so devious, Doreen.

Ooh, there's a lot you don't know about me, Ken Boo.

Hmm.

Well, I quite like it.

Plain, simple.

Yeah, definitely plain.

It's that new sign, Harry, attracting all the wrong sort of people.

The two things are entirely unrelated, Doreen.

Anyway, we found out how to get rid of trash, haven't we, Ken?

Oikied up and oikied out, eh, mate? That's right, Harry.

Right, smashing.

Hey, something you didn't tell me.

What that bloke Garbert was doing in my office dressed like an undertaker.

Hey, I have to tell you, I'm not keen on him.

Shifty. Got something to hide, if you ask me?

Yeah, just the odd murder.

I beg your pardon.

Oh, leave it out, Jorine.

Hey, and that floozy of yours?

I mean, very decorative, of course.

But is she going to stay here for the rest of her life?

I mean, trade is trade, but there is such a thing as image, Ken.

Now, what's all this?

Image, Harry.

Come on in and have a drink. You deserve it.

Tom, but Sidney and I are going out for dinner.

It's a bit early for that, isn't it?

Well, Sidney says, you know, it's a special price.

It's in real.

Enjoy yourself, will you?

Oh, we will.

Bye -bye.

Bye.

Candlelit dinners in real very romantic.

Hey, is there something I don't know?

No, of course not, Harry. I mean, I like happy endings.

I wish one would happen to me.

Well, one is.

What? Your bruises are coming out.

Hey, come on, get your coat.

Why, where are we going?

Anything you can do, I can do. We're going to eat.

Really?

Calamari and... No, none of that for a month. I'm a brand new chippy in

Come on. See you, Harry.

Mad beggar.

Smashing, are you, Niamh? Yeah, smashing, Harry.

What? Oh.

Well, I was just going to stick some chips in funny Walsall. We've got to go

style.

Holding on.