All language subtitles for Boon s01e01 Box 13.eng

Sometimes I said, yeah, feeling alone

No one to talk to, I got no selling

Bruce. Come on, Harry, hurry up! Don't
let him ramble on all night. He's got 50

pages out there. He's probably trying to
learn them. You watch that. He'll deny

all knowledge.

What's that?

I thought we were going to get him a
tease, mate. We are. This is to pour

his tankard.

Suntan lotion.

See, I'm going to miss that miserable
bugger. I'm not the jammy sod.

Come on, Harry!

Hurry up!

I mean, you know I love him.

Somebody shouting for me?

No.

I just thought I had a racket.

What's happening, then? What, you mean
like a fire or something?

You winding me up is either, Harry,
would I?

You smell nice, Harry. You on a promise?

Oh, it's been last night, isn't it? It's
not, is it, Harry? Tomorrow, surely?

No, it's tonight.

Oh, you're all winding me up, you
bastards.

We're not, mate.

Well, I'm off anyway.

Even had a few words prepared.

Say goodbye to all you lads on White
Watch.

Nothing really.

Had you written down?

You know, over 20 years, you know.

Oh, Harry.

Sorry, mate. We all thought it was
tomorrow.

Would you like a drink or something, you
know, as a sort of goodbye toast?

Oh, no matter.

I don't like a lot of fuss.

That's what I thought. You don't like a
lot of fuss.

I feel really choked about this, mate. I
mean, we've all let you down, haven't

we? Anyone got any beer?

What, nothing? Anybody?

I've got a bottle of lemonade.

Will that do?

Oh, this year?

I'm still being a collider.

Bloody hell, John.

Look beyond those pellet gas cylinders.
Move it!

Come on!

You bloody old smoky!

What kept you?

Terror!

and it's your man, Jesus.

you're bothered with this, Rick.

That is a beautiful machine.

You just won't start.

Well, you can't have everything, can
you?

Anyway, come on.

Grub's up. And there's a card from
Harry.

I have a dim memory of having worked
with you pale people in the cold land.

Oh, thanks a lot, Harry.

Can't wait any more. Have to turn on my
stomach.

Rosa's waiting with the oil.

Adios, Harry.

Smug bastard.

Michael Caine, Natalie Jane Horne,
Dorian Cowan, Simon Diaz, Cecilia

Mary Stapleton, Paul Ronson, Simon Hall,
Andrew Barnett, Catherine Blythe and

Heather MacLean are just some of the 73
birthday people I've been told about

today.

What's her name?

Name? Roper!

Jack! You've got to go in now! The
plane's just going to go off any second!

Mrs. Roper!

No worry there. The burns are only
minor.

Superficial. Terrific.

So what, you reckon it'll be a week or
two before we get him back?

On duty.

I wouldn't be too optimistic about that
just now. He inhaled with the blast. I'm

afraid there's lung damage.

Oh, no.

As yet, it's hard to know how extensive,
but we'll find out as soon as he's up

and about.

Yeah.

And the boy's parents?

The Ropers?

Well... Not exactly comfortable, but
very, very lucky.

If your friend hadn't gone in when he
did... Yeah, he's very tough, is Ken.

It looks bad, Ken.

Bollocks. Come on.

You didn't get through the hospital
test. Do you think you'll pass ours?

I told you I started on those machines
too early. I accept that. It's not me,

Ken. Superman would have a struggle on
those machines.

Listen, mate, we've been through a lot
together.

You don't think I can do the business
any more, right?

You've failed a basic fitness test.

You put me on the drill at the station.

Ken. That's fair enough, isn't it? On
the ground.

Not those bloody machines.

If I'd done it, I would have shown I've
done something. Otherwise, there's no

argument.

In front of the lads or whoever else?
What's wrong with that?

I can't just... Ken, you know I can't.
Don't write me off, OK?

I'm a smoky. I always will be. I can
kick your arse any time.

Right. So just set it up for me, will
you, John?

You all right? How's it going?

Oh, all right.

What have you got for us today?

Breeze blocks, sand cement and your
roofing stakes. All right, I'll sign it.

Fowler did say cash, if possible.

Surely you don't think I've got that
amount of cash?

Don't tell me.

I'll give you a cheque. Oh, well, you'll
have to give me some luck.

Four plus... You'll have to give me five
cheques, mate. I'm sorry.

Joke.

You got a word for him?

All right.

Hello, Smokey. You old bastard.

What are you doing back here? What do
you mean, what am I doing here?

I've come to see you and our fat face.

Yeah, no, I mean, what are you doing
back here in this cold clod? Talk about

bloody interrogation. Here,

have you got a kettle? Or do you drink
this rainwater?

Go and shut your mouth. Come on.

Hey, you look great.

Yes, how do you?

Are you well?

Brilliant. You?

Never better.

And Alison?

It's OK.

I went to see the boys this morning.
They told me you'd be here. Here I am.

The morning you don't keep in touch.

Well... So am I.

Well, I intended to, but, you know, I
want to get sorted out first, you know.

Breathe in the air.

Hey, fantastic.

Rushing.

You're breathing all right, are you?

Yeah, fine.

Come on, let's have a cup of tea.

Here we go.

Make myself at home.

So you've got and bought yourself a
field, bloody idiot.

It's not a field.

What else do you call a bit of flat
grass?

It's not what it is, it's what it's
going to be. I mean, imagine, eh, all

glass houses, big house, veranda,
tomatoes, all the veg you want.

Who's going to do all this?

He was always potty about veg, but I
mean, that's going a bit far, isn't it?

shall do it.

What with?

I shall do it because I want to.

Well, you don't get lonely out here.

No.

I don't know why you don't get a job.

I mean, a pay packet and a pension.

You'd have been well set up.

Yeah, well, you try getting a job with a
medical record.

Oh, right.

No, you try it.

Right.

You know what you mean about all this...

Free enterprise luck.

Yeah, don't tell me.

It's a nice van.

All mod cons.

What did you do? Did you buy it or is it
on hire or what? No, I think I bought

it. It's just a question of persuading
the bank I have.

You and your bills.

I'm weighing them.

What's that with your son's hat, eh?

Faded.

I thought you were supposed to get the
sun all the year round.

I've come out, Ken.

For good. What?

By myself.

Pulling my leg?

No.

Well, what's happened?

I got dumped.

I was, er... Well, dumped's the only
word I can think of at the moment.

You mean Alison's left you?

I don't believe it.

No, nor could I.

Anyway.

Oh, sorry about that, mate.

I hated Spain.

Couldn't find a decent drizzle anywhere.

No drafts, no blizzards.

Terrible place. It must have been
torture.

All that cheap booze.

The worst bloody thing is she went off
with a bloody hairdresser.

About 14.

It's a disgrace.

Still, she'll come to her senses and
then we'll see.

Hey, John tells me you can't run or
anything. Is that right?

He said that.

He said that. Well, he was sad about it.

Well, sod him.

I can run. I can do anything.

Sod him.

Great to see you, mate.

Yeah, you too, mate.

Let them bugger all them.

Absolutely.

What are you going to do then, eh?

Fancy a bit of gardening?

I've got a hotel.

You what?

Oh, smashing place. Bags of potential.

Well, standing up, is it? Oh, serious.

I was sold up over there, made a good
profit, and, well, this place is all

right. Hey, look.

Come and see me. Come and stay.

Yeah, right.

Get the AA over by the end of the year.

Couple of stars.

I'm on the map.

So we're both doing all right, then, eh?
Right, that's it.

What's up?

Phone.

You what?

Phone. Oh, where is it? You passed it by
the gate when you came in.

Hello.

Yeah, I know.

I'm doing that now.

Yeah, but the other day I wrote out half
a dozen cheques just for one delivery.

I mean, it's like writing a book.

Well, resubmit or something, Fowler.

I mean, I spoke to the bank.

That's ridiculous.

He definitely... All right, all right,
all right. I'll come over.

Yeah, all right. I'll come over.

You going already?

I've got a hotel to run, mate. What
about your tea?

Oh, next time. Look, come to me. It
ain't far and I've left a card.

Oh, a card, eh?

Yeah, yeah. Come any time.

There's always a bed and a bottle.

I'll drop in.

Good news.

What? Oh, of course.

Yeah, nothing.

What the hell's going on?

What the bloody hell's going on? What
does it look like? You can bugger off,

mate. Who's been a naughty boy then? Not
paid his bills.

What? What's going on?

I think you know Mr Boone, eh? Let's not
have any trouble.

Listen, tell your men to leave my van
alone.

My van, Mr Boone. For the second week
running, your instalment has bounced.

I did warn you.

Well, it's a mistake.

Take it back.

That's exactly what I am doing.

OK.

You touch my van, you'll get a thick
ear, son.

Now, let's not be unreasonable.

I'm woken up by these geezers rocking my
van, and I don't call that very

reasonable. I'm very sorry.

I'm returning your cheque. You must
return my caravan.

Well, how can I? Where am I going to
live? Build your house. I'm going to. I

just need time.

I've got a cash flow problem.

We've all got cash flow problems.

I've got a business to run, men to pay.

Too bloody right. Listen, will you get
this bloke off my back? He's getting up

my nose.

Luke, what are we going to do with you,
Mr. Boone?

I'm sure I can get the money by the end
of the week.

Friday morning?

Okay. By Friday morning.

Yeah, fair enough.

In the lounge.

Easy chairs, they call them.

Duh. Oh, I'd rather you hadn't put them
here, actually. I did say in the lounge,

Nick. Sorry.

Have you got your invoice?

One doesn't need your chair, right?

Yeah, so it would be.

Well, can you move them now, please?
It's just that we're open here and

a bit of an eyesore. What, you want them
all in there?

Yes, that'll do fine. Thank you.

Thanks, mate.

Nick!

I'll go and put the kettle on.

Cheer coffee.

Oh, anything. Tea.

When you've finished, Nick will bring
you through to the kitchen.

Just mention tea and he'll revive
suddenly.

I'll remember.

It's a never -ending tunnel, your mouth.

Any road it's brewed.

I only said the garden.

And you should make your own tea. You're
not helpless.

I'd slog myself stupid.

You want to go outside there and look?

I'm not a man. I'm a beast, a burden.

Everybody disappears around here when
there's work to be done.

Oh, God forgive you. All right, love.

No, love, just let go.

Nick, in a minute, you should take all
the wrappings off those chairs and set

them out properly.

I've just sat down.

See what I mean?

Who's Harry about?

Mr Crawford.

Why is there a problem with the
delivery?

What's that?

I don't think so.

Only, er, Mr Crawford's out at the
moment. Can I help?

Would you tell him Ken called?

I'm an old friend of his, you see.

I know that voice!

Hey! Hey, Ken Ray!

Hello.

Hey, making yourself at home, then?
Yeah.

Hey, Nick, go get the rest of the stuff
out the van, eh?

Dory, this is Ken Boone, me old mate off
the fire service. Oh, but I thought...

A chuck with a field?

A market garden.

I'm working on it.

This is Doreen.

She's my right -hand man.

I only sound female.

This is Ethel. Hello. Hello.

Hey, Kenny, I could tell you some
stories about me.

Oh, just a few.

Hey, what do you think of me place,
then, eh?

Well, chairs are very nice. Oh, they're
just a... Listen, I'm really sorry about

this. It's my fault.

Hello. Hello.

I thought Ken was the delivery man.

Oh, he just doesn't dress well.

Hey, any chance of a cup of apple?

Did you remember the bleach?

Oh, Ethel, I can't believe it. Oh, I
can't.

Here you are then.

But you don't deserve it.

Oh, I know.

There you go then.

Hey, them painters locked up already.
Oh, yeah.

Blimey, they'll turn you back for five
minutes and it's...

And where's Nick gone with the rest of
that stuff?

He came with the hotel. He's part of the
15th.

Yeah, he's Victorian.

That's right.

Hey, well, come on, mate.

Guided tour of the palace.

Bring your tea.

No, you all right?

Or do we have to treat you like an old
crock? No, I'm all right.

This is the dining room.

Haven't done much in here yet.

But I've got plans for a breakfast
patio.

Some tiles and stuff, you know. Nice
wartime trellis work. The Spanish

influence. Say, what do you think?

Yeah.

Tremendous. Well, of course, the food's
the thing. I mean, give them decent

food, they'll eat it off the floor. And
that's all bloody marvelling, you know.

Hey, you all right, mate?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'd really like to have a chat with you,
Harry. A chat?

Oh, it's a biography.

Well, do you like it?

Yeah, I do.

Well, there's a way to go yet, of
course, but... Hey.

Come and see the bar.

OK.

The bar.

Which I'm going to have extended.

And I'm going to save it.

It's not a bloody airplane, Nick.

It's a place to relax. You don't want
people's knees up your backside.

We'll come back later.

This

is

the reception.

which I'm going to enlarge by stealing a
bit off the desk.

Look, Eric, I seriously would like to
have a chat with her.

Right, let's go and sit in the office.

Oh, I think Doreen's in there, but
she's... Well, I don't keep anything

her. I mean, she's divorced as well, you
know, so we understand each other.

She doesn't fancy me, but she does me
VAT, which is the next best thing.

Now, hold on.

Let's leave it.

No, no, you want to talk in private? You
can, of course you can. Come on.

Sorry to disturb you, Doreen, but can I
turf you out for a few minutes? Yeah, of

course. Sorry.

No problem. I'm still red -faced about
what happened earlier.

You've never been red -faced in your
life.

You'd be surprised.

See you later.

Machine, eh?

Yeah, seems to be. Yeah.

Saving my life on the money front.

She's like a hawk, really.

Doesn't miss a trick.

Oh, she tortures me for her feet. Makes
me get quotes.

It's astonishing, it really is.

She's going to be a croupier. She's in
training.

And when the casinos will slap her up,
I'll have to nail her feet to the floor.

Shut up, Harry.

I'm all ears, mate.

Sit down, Ken.

The thing is, Harry, I'm broke.

Well, not exactly broke. I just need
some money. It's a cash flow problem.

Oh, don't tell me, mate.

I mean, this place is like a spoon.

Hey, shall I tell you how much I paid
for those chairs out there?

You'd be astonished. Somebody'd stagger
it.

Look, I need 300 quid, otherwise I'm
going to lose my caravan.

It's that bad, is it?

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Have you spoken to your bank? I've
spoken to everybody.

Kenny, if I had 300 quid, mate, you
could have it like a shot, you know,

I'm sorry, mate. I'm sorry.

No, no, no, no. No, I'd better go.

Look, I'll tell you what you can do.

You can stay here.

I mean, there's a room here, room number
four, first floor, easy climb.

No, come on, let's leave it. I need to
find some money.

You could stay for a drink.

Wouldn't kill you.

Same old bike, eh?

I'll pull you a pint.

That is not how it happened.

It bloody is. It wasn't. I went in, I
was perfectly polite.

You said he's had a heart attack and
needs the kit alive.

No, it was you, mate. It was you.

He said... No, he said this budgie has
popped off and needs resuscitation.

You lying sod.

Look, he put... Now, Percy, I'll swear,
I'll swear. He put the oxygen mask over

that bird and he blew it out the window.

I don't believe you're saying this. I'm
going to phone John up and check this

out. I mean, it was you, it was him. He
went in, he said, it's perfectly all

right now, though he's flown out the
window.

It's not only your lungs are boogered,
mate, but I think it's gone to your head

and all.

Oh, I like budgies.

I mean, I wouldn't earn a budgie.

He was dead.

He wasn't.

Imagine oxygen.

Oh,

he's much better now. He's flown away.

Understand it?

Couldn't wait to get out?

Well, it was about something.

Oh, don't be mental.

It was about nothing other than putting
bloody fires out.

It was a stupid life and he buggered us
both up. No, it didn't. Oh, come on.

What, my lungs? That was my fault?

My stupidity? You can't blame the
service for that.

Oh, listen to him.

I mean, this is a man who blames
himself.

This is a man who's put all his money
into a field.

Now, are the two things connected, I ask
myself, and I come up with an answer

which is not no.

Now, Ken... You can't blame the service
for your marriage breaking up, can you?

And don't keep calling it a bloody
field. I'm sorry.

I mean, it is a field.

But I'll call it a bit of flat grass
from now on.

How is your bit of flat grass? All
right, all right.

My wife left me. Now, this is
complicated.

She left me because she met me too late.

And then she decided she didn't like me
because I was middle -aged. Because she

never really knew me properly when I was
in the service because I was never at

home. I mean, you ask yourself why it is
that you never had a proper thing with

anybody. Eh?

Look,

let's put it this way. This is one
point, right?

And that's another.

And that's wrong. Completely wrong.

Completely right. You are there.

Get a job, mate.

I mean, that's your trouble.

Leave it, Harry.

The jobs don't come easy for a dud man.

I'll get the evening paper.

I know there are jobs. I've done them. I
mean, I can pump petrol, I can clean

windows, I can skivvy.

But you get me... Look, the job we
did...

It was a real job.

I mean, we saved people's lives.

Yeah, I know.

Baby's wife threw us out of their prams
as we went by. All right, so I'll get a

few, Bob.

And what am I good for opening bleeding
doors for a living?

Well, shut it. No thanks.

Well, don't include me, because I'm not
complaining.

No, I didn't say you were.

Well, I'm not. I mean, I've got this
place, haven't I?

Yeah, but it's hardly the Savoy.

No.

I didn't say it was.

Have you ever been to the Savoy?

No.

How do you know?

I mean, that's the point.

Have you?

No.

Now, look, you come back here in a
year's time and you'll find two stars

the door. Now, that is my prediction.

Now, I'll get the evening paper and find
you a job. I've got a job. I'm working

on it. I've got a market garden.

Yeah, without a market.

You've got some flat grass, but you need
a job.

And I'm going to find you one.

Now then, what do you want, indoors or
outdoors?

All right, you think you can find me a
job. You get me a proper job for an ex

-fireman, not an ex -road sweeper. I'll
bet you can't. Oh, yes, I can.

Look, Harry, all I need is 300 quid.
It's pages of jobs. I know, I know, I

I know, I know. I just need some money
so I can get on with my job, making this

market garden.

So shut up, will you?

Excuse me.

I've had an inspiration.

Evening mail. Message is as follows.

Sorry. Credit card number is as follows.

4929 864 353

776 H Crawford Grand Hotel.

Well, you probably won't need that,
though.

Look, anyway, anyway.

Message is as follows.

It's in the wanted column for the jobs
wanted list.

Big letters.

Ex -fireman seeks interest in work.

Small letters.

Anything legal considered.

No job too small.

Box number.

That's all.

End of message.

Good night.

Good

afternoon.

Well, some boys can take the piss and
some boys can't. What's going on?

The day is going on, my son.

And it's liver for lunch.

Does that make you feel better?

Oh, I feel... I feel great.

Yeah, great.

Oh, great.

Well, you slack off, Boone. Some of us
others have got things to do.

Some of us others have been up since
7am. Yeah, and some of us wish some

would just go away for a bit.

I bought you some tea.

I'll leave the tea.

Oh, listen to him.

What's this?

What's it look like? It's a cheque.

Oh, Harry, no thanks.

No, I know it's only £100, mate. It's
all I could spare. I know it's not

No. Look, I want it back. I'll pay it in
a kip. I know you can't afford it. Go

on, shut your mouth and take your jobs
and it's so -and -so.

Hey, drink that tea.

You and Harry are in my bad books.

Are we?

Teeth are my flaw this morning.

Stoked me this morning.

I'm in my bad books.

I'm sorry, Ethel. Well, eat something.

Get some food down you. It settles or it
brings up.

I'd rather suffer, I think.

Oh, I don't know.

Hello. Hello.

Oh, dear.

Oh, don't leave me.

Reunion, eh? Yeah, we need them.

See you in Harry.

He's just at a set -to with the
painters.

They rolled up at one o 'clock and
Harry's suggesting that they roll off

Or words to that effect.

Ethel, can you do me seconds for number
eight? Yes.

You know, you really should eat
something.

Wait, feel better.

I'll tell you what I'd like to do is go
outside and chop me head off.

There you are.

Is this for me?

Harry said to hand you the paper when it
arrived.

Why? I don't know.

How am I supposed to know if you don't?

I'm supposed to know everything.

What time the painters arrive, what time
the paper comes.

I'm supposed to read people's minds.

And I haven't had a cup of tea all day.

Oh. Is this supposed to encourage me to
get a job?

No idea.

Ah! Time to take a funny run.

Idle buggers.

Painters and decorators, my backside.
They couldn't decorate a bloody

cake. It's not easy decorating a
Christmas cake. Yes, all right, Apple.

Hey, Percy wants another pot of coffee.
All right.

Ooh, how's the head?

Coming on.

You read the paper yet? No, I haven't.
I'm not going to. I don't want a job,

Harry. I've torn your cheque up. Well,
that's a bit off.

Well, otherwise I'd cash it, wouldn't I?

Listen, thanks for last night. Well,
most of it. You can't just go. Come on,

hey, read the paper. No.

Look, I put an advert in it, Ken, for
you.

You've done what? I put an advert in the
paper. You know, ex -fireman seeks any

interest in work.

You know, anything suitable, anything
legal, PR box, well, you know, whatever

is. Where the bloody hell is it?

It's not in. It's not bloody in. You
just phone them up and take it out

unless you're the ex -farmer.

I don't believe it. I've got mine to
smack you in the mouth. Oh, get off. I

don't believe this. You can't do that,
Harry.

Where's my coffee, Harry?

It's made me bloody angry, Dad.

Oh, very sorry, I'm sure.

Harry, will you please wait in the
dining room? I told you I was rushing.

As I've said before, staff only in the
kitchen.

Oh, there you are, Percy. Off you go.

Thank you, Ethel.

That's it, Eric. I had an accident.

Whirled against you.

Oh, shut up. Yeah, you don't want to
help it, mate.

You want to have a little wheeze and sit
in your field watching the bloody weeds

grow. All right, all right. I'm going to
sit here. What's wrong with getting a

few jobs, eh? You might start paying
your way.

What have you said to Percy? Not now,
Doreen, eh? Oh, sorry, I spoke.

I think I want this.

Sure.

What are you doing?

Well, it's my bike.

What's up with it?

Ammon carb.

Oh, means nothing to me.

Well, means it's broken.

Are they easy to replace?

I'll have to look around a bit.

I don't make them like this anymore.

Expensive? No, not very.

So you can afford to fix it?

Yeah.

Because if you can't, I could lend you a
couple of quid.

Look, I don't know what Harry said to
you. Nothing really. But I am not a

pauper, all right?

Bloody hell.

It's not a crime to need cash, you know.

Isn't it?

Look, let me lend you enough to repair
your bike, eh?

I hardly know you, Doreen.

I do wish people would... Well, I mean,
it's not just the bike. I've got to pay

for my caravan.

Otherwise I'll never get started on my
house. Let Logue finish it.

or stock up me garden. It's my problem,
and I will find a way round it.

OK.

Well, what about Harry's scheme, then?

I mean, at least you could wait around
and see what replies you get.

Did Harry send you here?

No.

Oh, God, are you always like this? Yeah.

No wonder you're by yourself, then.

That's right.

No wonder.

Harry likes you, Ken. He never stops
talking about you.

Yeah, well, I feel the same. I mean,
I've bored my caravan stupid.

But he's right.

You're a stubborn of the mule.

Like this with your husband, were you?

Oh, that was below the belt.

I'm sorry.

Oh.

Listen, I'm sorry, mate.

Right.

Not a small sorry, a big sorry.

Right. I was only trying to help. Yeah,
I know you were.

Listen, do you fancy writing out another
cheque for me?

And can I use the phone? Get hold of
Fowler.

Yeah, use the one in the office.

I'll work for it, as soon as I've got my
bike fixed.

I'll do some painting for you.

I don't want something for nothing.

No, of course not.

You're a good mate, Harry.

Yes, I am.

So, what about my idea?

Yeah. Yes, what?

Well, yeah, I suppose so.

I do need some cash and there wasn't
much under me pillow this morning.

Nothing. I tell you what, though, if we
get any replies, nutters apart, I'll eat

my helmet.

Is Dorian in there?

I expect so.

Yeah.

You accept apologies?

I was rude. I can be rude.

I can be rude.

Am I forgiven?

Harry's forgiven me.

Harry's a pushover.

Yeah.

Well, what are you going to do then?

Well, I'm staying.

Do some painting.

Good.

Well, I'll start defrosting then.

I might have thawed out in a day or so.

Thanks. Can I use the phone? Yeah, sure.

Do you want me to go out?

No, it's all right. I'm just buying some
time.

Hello, Fowler.

Ken Boone here.

Double glazing?

Ken?

Well, I could have my fortune told, but
when can quit?

I can have my feet rubbed for 15 and the
rest of me rubbed for 50. Hey, Ken.

I'm sorry, Ethel, but you really ought
to read some of this. Well, perhaps you

shouldn't. I'll tell you what I wouldn't
do, and that's try and sell double

glazing in the Midlands.

Yes, keep all the stamps there.

Yep. Yeah, some of these haven't even
been frank.

Spoil the kettle, Ethel. I was stealing
stamps.

Well, then.

Oh, here we go. I could do a bit of
confessing. He really wants to hear my

theme.

And stamp the best envelope.

See? I got a stamp.

He died.

You'd need a parcel, not an envelope.

Oh, thank you.

Good idea,

this, Harry.

Yeah. A few more?

No.

We've got a business to run.

Hey, you. Get painting. Right.

Oh, oh, look at this.

I've got it.

Ten quid.

Oh, bloody hell.

You just put that in there, didn't you?
I didn't.

There's a letter as well, didn't it?
What's it say? Well, it looks real.

Hey, he added notepaper and all. I mean,
that's not cheap these days, is it?

From Barney's Pits Promotion. Who?

It says, dear sir, if you want to
collect the other 19 of these, call me.

Signed, a Barney's Pits Promotion.

Another 19? That's 190 quid. Look, my
cheque. That means I could pay Fowler.

Who's this Barney's Pits? Well, come on,
let's ring him up and find out. We'll

use the office phone. Come on. You
turned up.

That's right.

I knew it was you.

I'm going to ask you a very strange
question.

And you shouldn't think it's cranky or
anything.

Although it might, um... In fact, no.

I won't ask you now.

I'll ask you later.

Have you, uh, brought your uniform?

Well, no, I haven't got one.

What can we do about that, I wonder?

Excuse me, E .T.

Um, I'm not quite sure what you want me
to do.

I'm improvising.

I've got the start.

or rather the effect.

It's the detail.

No, I can be quite specific.

I've got the location.

Four.

I can't offer you coffee.

We could pop out.

No, it's all right. It's OK.

Oh, great.

Sit down.

The single is called Inflammatory
Statements, which I think is good, title

-wise, although we are going to have to
alter the lyrics to fit it slightly.

But I just can't get any attention for
the band.

You know?

I mean, what can you do these days?

They're so blasé.

You ring up, you say you're launching a
new band.

Nothing.

And the thing is, the music's terribly
good.

Look, you sent me £10 and I want to know
what... I'm thinking Head for Heights.

That's the name.

But what's wrong with Inflammatory...
What's it? That's a song. No.

I'm thinking Head for Heights.

And yes, I'm thinking Inflammatory
Statements.

And I'm reading the paper, and the press
release is Friday, right?

So it's urgent.

And there you are.

Ex -fireman.

Ken, I want you to climb up a gasometer
and hang up our banner. No, leave it,

Hal. What gasometer?

It's near Nichols. You can't go climbing
gasometers. That's really dangerous.

I can't really go above two.

I could go to two.

I'll tell you my problem. Look, let's
leave it, shall we? No, you see, uh...

Well, OK, first I'll ask you the
question, the one I mentioned.

Don't misunderstand me, but if I said,
are you psychic, how would you respond?

I don't like the word.

I just... Anyway, I just thought I'd
ask. It's no big deal.

Because you must see the coincidence.

I've got this concept, and then...
There's my man.

Advertising in the paper.

I've had other experiences.

You don't get crackles or clicks or
anything on the phone, do you? No.

Anyway, will you do it?

No, I don't think so.

I'll play you the tape. No, come on,
leave it. I'll just play you the tape.

What are they calling lavatory remarks,
then?

That's my concept.

Something slightly dangerous.

Nick, here's the title.

Here's the stunt.

Yeah, well, good luck, mate.

King?

King?

King.

I don't know about you, but I've had a
really good feeling about this meeting.

You know?

And tomorrow is very important for me.
Yeah, well, I'm sorry.

200 pounds.

You can walk away from that, can you?

No, not easily.

I'll tell you.

You come.

Come tomorrow.

If it feels wrong tomorrow, you say no.

No quarrel.

Please? No!

Just do up the buttons.

No!

Don't climb all the way up. Don't do
that. I agree. Just enough to get a

photograph.

No, it's too dangerous.

Probably illegal. You talk to anyone
about this.

What are we talking about?

A few steps.

Count the steps.

It's probably a tenner a step.

I'll give you a tenner a step.

Okay. Look, I'd jump at a chance if I
thought it was half -sentiment. Oh, Ken,

don't do this.

Because I know, right?

I know it'll be all right.

Look, is he going up or what?

Just relax, Leslie, please.

What's the problem? As I said.

Bit of eye for you, is it?

No, actually, Ken is an ex -fireman. Oh,
yeah, why, yeah. Here they come.

Ken, please.

Look, come here.

You see that grease? It gets worse the
higher up you get. You can't grip it.

No way.

Come on, he's bottled it. I'll do it
myself.

Oh, don't be ridiculous, Leslie.

I'll talk to the papers.

No, Ken, I appreciate your feeling. I'll
do it myself.

Leslie, you're being a complete crasset.

You'd better stop him.

Oh, Ken, don't.

I mean... Ken, I don't want to thank Ken
for anything, but this is the stunt,

right?

Dangerous, yes, but that's the point,
isn't it?

No. Ken, don't give me... Look, he'll be
all right, won't he?

He's incredibly talented.

How's your windy fireman?

Don't be such a wally, Leslie.

Don't mind him, Ken.

Oi, Ralph!

Huh? Come up and hold the flag, I want
to do me air.

Leslie, just watch what you're bloody
doing.

Gentlemen.

A good morning.

Hi. Inflammatory statements by Head for
Heights.

I'd introduce you to the lead, but as
you can see, he's busy. He's being a

complete cretin.

It's Ralph.

What's the fireman going to do?

That's, uh... This is Ken Boone.

Hello. Ken's our safety, a stunt
consultant.

Is that right, Ken?

No. Oi, Windy!

Watch this!

Head for Heights!

Ah!

Oh, shit!

Oh, no!

Oh, Christ!

Call the fire brigade.

Go on, go on!

Jim, there's a phone box to the right of
the gate. Get the fire brigade.

And move it!

Don't look down!

Just hold on.

You'll be all right.

Don't look down!

Fantastic bloke, Ken.

Great sense of humour.

Front page stuff, eh, Barney?

He's 21.

He's got a wonderful voice.

Where'd you get the other guy?

Leslie?

Leslie?

Yeah, over here.

I'm gonna grab you.

Just trust me, kid.

Trust me, come on. I won't let you go.

We're going to fall, we are. We're going
to bloody fall. Just hold on to me.

Don't look down. Don't look down.

The brigade will get us down.

It'll be just a few minutes.

I like your song, you know.

What? I said I like your song.

Oh, shit.

Look at you.

Handsome sod.

Local hero.

Read it to me, Alan. I haven't got my
fix on it. Oh, don't bother, Edward.

a load of old rubbish.

Listen, mate, if you'd have wanted an
advert for Box 13, you couldn't have had

better one if you'd have written it
yourself.

Yeah, but I don't. We'll be inundated
with replies.

Oh, it's we now, is it?

Well, it was my idea.

And you're very welcome.

Do you feel like it?

No. Has Spitz paid you yet? We can't
even afford the fine. I mean, that

going to cost him a packet. Well, he's
got to pay you. Yeah, well, he will

eventually. I just need the money today.

What's all this psychic bit here?

There you go, Ken.

There you go, Harry.

Oh, well, read him at least, Ken.

No, you. You're very welcome.

Look, you can't go.

I've had enough.

Right? We had a giggle. Fair enough. I
nearly got killed on the account of a

nutter. Eh?

For nothing.

So that's it. I'm going home. You're a
fool.

Well, I know I am. But anyway, I'm
going.

I'll come back and see you.

Plog you some veggies.

Do that.

No, no, no, no, no.

Okay. Bye.

I'm, uh, off.

Right. Wasn't Fowler, was it? No.

Well.

What? No, nothing.

What?

You must come up and see my field
sometime.

Right.

So what are you going to do about the
money?

I don't know. I'll think of something.

Let me know, eh?

Yeah, I will.

It can.

Listen, about those letters.

Down

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