Original subtitles

'Hey.' - 'What?'

'Look who has decided to join us today.'

Oh, my god! What?

- Dude! - Here, hold this. I'll get him.

Ew! Izzy!

Gross!

What made you decide to come live in our house and come up our fire escape?

Any... any comments? Concerns?

- Did it come from the garbage? - I don't know.

- Dude, it probably has worms. - You probably have worms.

It's so dirty. You have to give it a bath.

You're a little booger, huh? Little freak.

'Hey, hon. It's Joyce.

'I'm looking for a picture for Izzy's memorial,

'so I'm gonna swing by tomorrow for her photo album, okay?'

'Hey, babe. Just checking in.

'Want me to come by or anything? Alright, let me know. Love you.'

'Hello, yeah, this is Dennis.

'Um... I'm very sorry for your loss,

'but I did only receive half of your rent.'

'Anna, hello, it's Devon from work.

'Remember work? I need those project files.

'Can you please respond to my emails?'

'This is a friendly reminder from Con Edison.

'Your bill is past due.'

'You can't ditch work and screen my calls.

'Seriously, what is up with you?'

Fucking rat.

Stupid.

'It's Izzy, I don't check my voicemail,

'so... good luck to you.'

'Well, look who's friends with Booger now.'

'She's peeing!'

'Mummy's doing my laundry for me.'

'? I like piña coladas! And getting caught in the...?'

'Oh, I just rode over a dead rat. Oh, my...'

'Oh, yes.'

'You guys are so dumb.'

- 'Wakey-wakey, eggs and bakey!' - 'Izzy! Get outta here!'

'Went to UCB for one class. Not good! Do better!

'The saga begins on a long, dark night.'

- 'Filming Izzy being spooky.' - 'I'm being spooky.'

- 'Come on, guys, it's been like...' - 'Cheeky butt!'

'You can only call. You can't send it.'

'Well, maybe you should call her back, then.'

'We love you, Booger.'

'You know, not all penises look alike.

'Oh, good purrs.'

Boog! No!

It's gonna make you puke.

Stop licking it. Hey!

Aargh!

Oh!

Aargh! Fuck!

Oh!

Oh, my god, you're a dick!

Oh!

Where'd he go?

Boog? Shit!

Aargh! Oh, man!

Boog?

Oh, no.

Boog?

Oh, come on!

Boog!

Where'd you go?

Booger? Booger!

- 'Have you guys seen a cat?' - 'No.'

'Hi, Anna. I'm glad I caught you.'

Yeah, what's up?

- 'Where are you? Are you outside?' - No.

'Okay, cool. Colleen is wanting to have these one-on-one meetings.

'Do you think you're coming in today?'

Uh, no. I'm working from home.

'You need to come in. We have the Froyo pitch tomorrow.

- 'Anna? Hello? I can't see you.' - Hey, Joyce.

- Oh! You're awfully sweaty. - Yeah, Booger got out.

She scared the hell out of me at this age.

- That's the album you wanted, right? - Uh-huh.

- Okay, well, I should keep looking. - Sweetie...

Come sit with me.

Come on.

I swear, look.

- This kid... shoulda been on a leash. - Mm-hmm.

We found her in another family's hotel room once.

- That's terrifying. - It sure was.

Oh, god. I look horrible in this photo.

That haircut made me look like a mushroom.

Also, a little bit like a penis.

- Huh? - Like a penis.

Sure woulda been nice if you girls had told me.

- You want? - Hmm... I'm good.

Okay. If I let my blood sugar drop, I'll pass out on the train.

It's happened before.

And it was not good.

I mean, it was bad.

Oh! Here! Here's the one I was thinking of for the memorial.

Wait, sweetie. What happened to your hand?

You're bleeding.

Oh, I'm gonna come by later,

and we'll clean out Izzy's half of the apartment.

Cos you have to think about what you're gonna do with the place.

Okay?

'...successfully stalked and ambushed her prey.'

You put red pepper on the whole thing?

- No. - Must've been a ghost.

- Not funny. - Sort of funny.

'Dragging it up to a tree for her cubs to feed away from scavengers...'

So... how come we haven't talked about Izzy?

Can we watch this?

'Though he looks helpless, this cub will soon be kicked out...'

Ever think about getting time off? Talk to your boss?

No, I strategically talk to him as little as possible. Unlike you.

'Males are always out of sight...'

- Wait, are you talking about Jerry? - Oh, my god.

Jerry's barely a boss. He's just a good communicator.

- Ugh... - I love Jerry.

Okay, are we gonna watch this or what?

- My god, what happened to your hand? - Nothing.

I feel like something happened to your hand.

- It's a lot of blood for nothing. - 'Danger is never far away.'

Do we have floss?

Babe?

Hello?

Do we have floss?

Got pepper stuck in my teeth.

Ah... uh...

- Gross. - Thank you.

Fuck...

I'm worried about Booger.

He's probably fine.

He's fine.

I think I'm gonna go home.

- What? - Yeah, I can't... I dunno, I can't sleep.

It's so late.

- Love you. - Love you.

Booger?

Booger?

Boog?

Boog?

Hey, stop that. Monty, stop.

What's wrong with you?

Sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know why she's doing this. Sorry.

Chill out! What are you doing?

Dennis, you seen a cat?

- Rat? - Cat.

No. A little rat keeps slipping through my fingers, you know.

The hardest thing is, rats can multiply, man, you know.

People don't know this, but, like, rats can actually...

They can decide whether or not to fertilise their eggs during intercourse.

- Right. - I've learned a lot about my enemy.

- Oh... - That's the crazy thing about it, you know.

Yeah, they can decide...

Oh, there's a bug in my ear.

Little rat is getting away from me

my wife said not to do that, and then she left me, so whatever.

Oh, my god! Are you serious?

Ate a hole right through the can! Gonna smash this thing with a hammer.

Oh, and, uh... Hey, don't forget about your mail.

- Yeah. - Your box is getting really full.

Overflowing!

'Oh, good little Booger.

'Actually, the lighting's better if you go this way.

'Going on the third tick!'

- 'Yes! Yes, girl, get it!' - 'Be aware of your surroundings.'

'Oh, my god, wake up!'

'Heineken?' - 'Duh-duh-duh...'

'Just stop!'

'Oh, my nose!'

'Wait, let's do the...'

'Our saga begins on a long, dark night.'

'What are you doing, Boogie?'

'Eat!' - '? Piña coladas!?'

'Boop!' - 'Izzy! Get outta here!'

Oh, no, no, no. You can't feed a cat just anything.

Uh...

- You should say, "Food motivated." - Got it.

And you should get a photo with a little more pizzazz, you know?

A little more pop.

Cos I'm sorry to say, this ain't it. This sucks. This isn't great.

Come on! Spring for colour.

I mean, do they have blue eyes? Do they have green eyes?

- No one's gonna be able to tell. - Right...

He looks a little scared here, like maybe he sees spirits. Does he see spirits?

He looks like a spirit cat.

My little Esmeralda, she was a spirit cat. She always this look in her eyes, too.

Does he have a hobby of some sort, you know,

like laser tag or biscuit making?

Uh, no. He's not even my cat, he's my friend's.

- And she's dead. - Oh, my god. I wasn't expecting that twist.

Oh, come here!

- You must be a wreck. - I'm not a wreck.

Oh, you're a wreck. You're a huge wreck.

You're like a 9/11.

Okay, well, thanks for those six suggestions about the flyer.

Look! Look at me. Look at me, okay? I'll get up to here...

You two need each other more than you know, because he knows where he belongs.

You know where that is? It's right there!

Right there in the heart.

It's called the heart. Ba-boom, ba-boom!

- I'm leaving. - Okay, great.

'Ooh! Ha-ha!'

'You can't be one of those people that pees in the subway.'

'I won't... I didn't... Everyone pees...'

'Help, I'm trapped! I can't get out!'

'Isn't she beautiful? I love my beautiful friend.'

'Oh, thank you.'

'Go away!'

'I think you burnt the tip.'

'Boogie in a bag! Booger!

'Our saga begins on a long, dark night.'

'This photo sucks.

'You should say, "Food motivated."'

'Come on! Spring for colour.'

Anyone seen Anna? What is going on with her?

She can't just come in whenever she wants.

I think she's taking her time.

Oh, my god. Anna!

Uh...

Uh... this is crazy. I was just gonna call you.

Yeah, I know, I was just, uh... popping in to print some stuff, so...

- Colleen's finally here. - Oh!

- I'll check if she's free. - Awesome!

Okay. Don't move!

Sorry about your cat.

Yeah, so he always wanted to go to the woods.

So, Ricky and I are thinking of doing a Catskills weekend

for Jerry's bachelor party.

Maybe do, like, I dunno... wood-carving.

What if we wood-carved, right?

Or do you think whittling and alcohol is a little too dangerous?

- Do you? - Do I what?

- Whittling. - Who's Whittling?

Everybody will be whittling.

I'll be whittling. Ricky will be whittling.

Scott'll be whittling. Keith'll be whittling.

Jerry'll be whittling. Everybody!

Every single person in that cabin will have a small carving knife for whittling.

I have a headache.

So, you can have a headache in a conversation.

- I'm not trying to talk to a wall. - I just feel... ugh... kind of awful.

Oh, hey! It's you and Izzy's karaoke song.

Max......?

- Stop. - You sure? Ooh

- ?...yoga...? Come on, sing it. - Max!

- ? If you have half a brain... - My god!

- ? If you like making love at midnight... - Stop!

Nice memories, I guess.

I guess.

You know what? I have an idea. I'm gonna read you something.

Oh, my god! You're gonna read me your diary in a bar?

I'm gonna read you my journal in a bar.

You start off with a prompt. Like, "Today I'm really missing Izzy."

"I miss how easily she laughs..."

"I even miss how late she was to everything."

"But she would always bring snacks."

"I miss all the stupid videos she took."

"But most of all, I miss how good she was at talking to old people."

- Like, remember that dude with the beret? - Yeah, I remember that dude!

Okay, alright, well, just try to stay on that p... Alright.

What? You can't journal about Izzy.

- Why not? - It's messed up.

- Journaling's the opposite of messed up. - You're, like... co-opting my feelings.

No, those are my feelings. You don't get to own sadness.

- Okay. Max? - Yeah?

You don't get to feel this for me and perform it at happy hour.

What are you talking about? She was my friend, too.

Your friend? She thought you were annoying.

Everybody knows I'm not annoying.

Whoa!

Where are you going?

Ugh!

Oh, what the fucking hell, man?

You okay in there?

Go away!

- Are you vomiting? - No!

There's a line.

Let me get one with ketchup.

One with chips. And ketchup for the French fries.

Eugh.

Aargh...

Oh, fuck...

Aargh...

Ow!

Aargh...

Just a sec, Joyce!

- Your little box can hold so much. - Okay...

No, there could be important documents in here. Slow down, okay?

There could be, like, I dunno... bills, coupons, even, for electronic toothbrushes.

- Maybe panties, all kinds of things... - Are you reading my mail?

- Am I? Uh... - Dude!

So, I'll list your apartment next week or...?

No. No. I live here, okay?

I. Am. Living. Here.

- Yeah... - So, go!

- I just... uh... - Insensitive asshole!

Oh!

I heard that!

Anna?

Anna, it's Joyce!

Thought I'd save a stamp.

I know, I'm, you know... I'm not a graphic designer or anything.

- No, it's nice. - Oh. Good. I'm glad you like it.

Did you ever come across her phone?

It's so bizarre, I thought I had it, but...

No, I haven't seen it.

I keep thinking that she's lost her phone again,

and this is all just a... blip in communication.

I keep waiting for her to call or something, you know?

Yeah.

- I feel so horrible. - Hey...

You didn't do anything.

I mean, you know how she always has the... next big thing. Thanks.

You know, her next move, and we'd all

we'd all be like, "Come on, Izzy, get real."

And this time it was an Art Therapy Master's Degree in New Mexico.

Deep down, I... I didn't even wanna hear anything about it, you know?

She's never been... more than a few hours away from me.

She was all excited.

But I had to talk to the lady at Zabar's,

because you never know if there's more schmears,

or that's it in the fridge.

I told her that I'd have to call her back when I was sitting down at my computer.

And by the time I called, I

she didn't answer.

She never answered obviously.

- Wow. - Yeah.

She wanted to move.

Oh, whoa. Okay.

Here, here. Here, you're okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Do you wanna, um...

- Do you wanna get dinner? My treat. - Now?

Yeah, now. I'm starving. Aren't you?

- I gotta work. - Ah!

- Yeah, deadlines and stuff... - Too bad.

Okay. Um

I'll get the rest of Izzy's things later.

I guess I won't see you until the memorial, then.

- Yeah, I guess not. - Although I could, um...

Maybe you could come over early, I could use a hand, you know,

cos we have to, you know, have something to eat.

- Right. - And obviously, that has to be plated.

- Course. - Okay.

So, um... Alright, thanks, honey.

Ugh!

Yikes.

'? I am into champagne! Whoo!

'? If you like making love at midnight in the dunes...?'

'What on earth did he want? Anna, hello!'

'What's up, baby?'

'Boogie!'

'Boogie!'

Hello? You're leaking on us.

Anna? You home?

We should head to Joyce's.

Anna?

Are you there?

Okay, guess not.

Knock, knock! Heard we had a leak in here!

Eugh!

Uh... hello?

Jeez!

Okay, well...

There's the water.

And that's what I'll always remember about Izzy.

- How you feeling? - Okay.

Good.

Wonderful. Thank you.

Uh, would anyone else like to say something?

Hey...

Well... maybe Anna is...?

- Is Anna here? - Um... are you...?

- Yeah, she's here. - Oh, there you are.

Anything you'd like to share? Oh!

- I'm fine. Yeah, I'll be right back. - Um...

I, uh

- I can... I can say something. - Oh, great. Thank you, Max.

I guess I'll just read something from my journal.

"I miss how easily she laughed."

"I miss all the stupid videos she took."

"I even miss how late she was to everything,"

"because she was always buying snacks."

"But most of all, I miss how good she was at talking to old people."

Honey, what happened? Oh! You fainted?

There's blood... Oh, no.

- I don't know what's happening to me. - Have you eaten?

Sweetie, your blood sugar is... Oh! We have Milanos.

Paul! Could you get the cookies?

Oh, shh, shh, shh!

Shh, shh, shh.

Hey, you can't keep it all inside, okay?

You'll just rot. You'll rot.

- I'm mad at her. - I know you are, sweetie.

- She was gonna leave me. - Paul, the cookies!

I just...

You can't think like that, okay? What's the point of...?

Paul!

Where is he?

Oh, lovey...

- Thank you. - It's nothing.

Anna, um...

Do you think maybe you could call me sometimes?

I'm very fond of you.

And I couldn't... I can't.

I can't lose you, too.

What took you so long? She hasn't eaten all day.

Yeah. I think we should do something to celebrate Izzy.

- You know, just the two of us? - What do you mean?

I mean

it's karaoke time.

- Are you serious? - Yeah, I'm serious.

Max, I don't wanna sing.

? I was tired of my lady

? We'd been together too long

? Like a worn out recording

? Of a favourite song

? So while she lay there sleepin'

? I read a paper in bed

? And in the personal columns

? There was a letter I read

What the fuck is this?

It's a tribute for our friend.

Thought it would be nice. I dunno, I just want you to get better.

You can't make me better from Izzy dying!

- Okay, I was just trying to help. - How is this helpful?

- Whoa, chill. - Don't tell me to chill!

This whole thing is so fucked up!

It's something, right? I can't not try!

Oh, you not trying would be a million times better than whatever the fuck this is!

Okay, well, how's that working out for you?

- Fuck you! - You're refusing to feel feelings!

Max? I'm telling you to stop.

You're sitting there like this wall!

- And something happened. - To me, not to you!

How could you say that? You're so fucking far away!

What was that at the memorial? You can't say anything?

- This is supposed to be your best friend! - And you can?

- Of course I can! People appreciated it! - No, you don't know what people thought.

You don't know anything, you're trying to recreate this whole thing

that you were never even a part of.

It's... it's pathetic!

Oh, I am so done.

Is this all my shit?

What the fuck, Dennis?

Dennis!

Dennis!

You can't kick me out!

This is illegal!

Dennis!

- What, Devon? - 'Anna? Uh.

'I'm calling because I have to fire you.

'Yeah, you're fired today.

'This is the end.

'And before you even think about it,

'no, I will not be giving you a referral.

'So, you'll have to turn in your laptop. I'll go over all the details.

'Anna? Are you there? Hello?'

'I love that sculpture.'

It's so punk.

It's not a sculpture, it's a memorial.

That's dope.

For a dead person.

Oh.

From a bike accident.

That sucks.

A'ight.

You got a little, uh...

A little...

Uh...

Wait, you got a little something... something on your beautiful face...

That's cool.

Ah, fuck.

Oh... oh...

Fuck. You're crazy.

You're fucking crazy.

'Izzy?'

Yoo-hoo! Anna! Replace the toner.

Thank you.

Ah...

- You can't smoke in here. - No, they allow you to smoke in here!

You're fucked!

What the fuck?

You threw up in my fucking mouth! Fuck!

Occupied!

- How's your night going? - Bad.

- Oh? - Yeah.

- Cool. - Mm-hmm...

What the...? Hey!

- Thanks. - Thank you.

Wow.

Hey, hey, hey! Yo, yo!

- Leave me alone! - Yeah, I would love to.

But I can't let you walk into traffic just because we're fighting or broken up.

What are you wearing?

Oh, my god, are you...?

Okay? Alright, you're gonna... Oh, god! Yeah.

You okay?

- Yeah? - Yeah, I'm fine.

Okay.

Oh, god.

Yeah... just let it out.

Let it out, yeah.

- You done? - Yeah.

- You wanna sit? - Yeah.

Okay, okay, okay.

- I need help. - Yeah, no shit.

You just threw up in front of a fucking playground.

You're not okay.

I don't... I thought I could find him before anyone knew he was gone, but,

but something

Something.

I can't...

- Oh, what's happening to me? - Okay, okay, alright, take it easy.

Oh... okay.

I lost Booger. I lost him!

Booger? What? What are you talking...? Why are you bringing up Booger?

It's all my fault.

Okay, you're going through a lot,

but I can tell you that happened a long-ass time ago.

What are you fucking talking about?

- Booger's been gone. - Yeah, I know!

- For, like, two years! - What?

Yeah.

- But I left that stupid window open. - Yeah, the window was open.

And then me, you and Izzy went out to look for him for hours.

You have to remember it.

- It doesn't make sense. - Are you serious? Anna, look at me.

Booger's been gone. And, yeah, I hope he's okay, but.

I dunno, I feel like if he wanted to come back, he would have by now.

You're kind of scaring me.

Okay, let's go. You are confused and drunk.

And you are looking for a cat that doesn't exist.

I'm not looking for a cat that doesn't exist.

Don't follow me, or I'll get very mad.

Booger!

You came back.

Yeah, we usually can. Someone took my ferret!

You ever met a ferret? I probably had a ferret last time.

I-I-I-I am putting a lot of money into this.

Yeah, yeah. And I don't have a regular job.

I mean, this is my job, this is my life!

I go home every day, having to drink a fifth,

just to fall asleep because my heart can't take it.

It's just continual agita, and she was supposed to be here,

because we have that new shipment of kittens in from Guatemala.

I mean, I dunno if you believe in this stuff,

but I got this great healer named Cheryl, and she lays healing hands on me.

Boog!

Booger?

Boog?

Booger?

'Boogie!'

Booger?

'Boogie!'

Booger?

'What was that?'

'Okay, can we put it on...?'

'Our saga begins on a long, dark night.'

- Yeah, keep with the light. - It was so long.

- What are you guys doing? - Filming Izzy being spooky.

I'm being spooky.

Come on, guys, it's been two hours and it's dark now.

It's only been a little bit.

He's just being a crazy little guy, having an adventure.

We have all the good treats at home, so he'll be back in no time, don't worry.

- Here, kitty, kitty! - Okay, let's look.

We're done being spooky. Let's go look for Boog.

Yeah, cool.

Booger? Boogie! Booger!

Booger?

Booger? Boogs!

Boogie!

You're okay.

'Hi, you've reached Joyce. Please leave a message.'

Hi, Joyce, it's Anna. Um.

I'm calling like you asked.

And I also.

I have something that should be yours.

So... maybe we could get that dinner.

Okay. Bye.

? If you like piña coladas

? And gettin' caught in the rain

? And the feel of the ocean

? And the taste of champagne

? If you like making love at midnight

? In the dunes on the cape

? You're the lady I've looked for

? Write to me and escape

? If you like piña coladas

? And gettin' caught in the rain

? And the feel of the ocean

? And the taste of champagne

? If you like making love at midnight

? In the dunes on the cape

? You're the lady I've looked for

? Write to me and escape...

? If you like piña coladas

? And gettin' caught in the rain

? If you're not into yoga

? If you have half a brain

? If you like makin' love at midnight

? In the dunes on the cape

? I'm the love that you've looked for

? So write to me and escape

? I was tired of my lady

? We'd been together too long

? Like a worn out recording

? Of a favourite song

? So while she lay there sleepin'

? I read the paper in bed

? And in the personal columns

? There was this letter I read

- ? If you like piña coladas. - Okay, that's good stuff.

? And gettin' caught in the rain

? If you're not into yoga

? If you have half a brain

? If you like makin' love at midnight

- ? In the dunes on the cape. - Me and my friends, all hanging out.

? I'm the love that you've looked for - Hi.

- ? So write to me and escape... - Okay, goodbye. Good to see you.

? Nah-nah-nah, nah-nah!

This is my best friend! Ha-ha!

I'm gonna puke!

That's good!

? But me and my old lady

? Had fallen into the same old dull routine

? So I wrote to the paper

? Took out a personal ad

? And though I'm nobody's poet

? I thought it wasn't half bad

? Yes, I like piña coladas

? And gettin' caught in the rain

? I'm not much into health food

? I am into champagne

? I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon

? And cut through all this red tape

? At a bar called O'Malley's.