Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:06,300
Hey, the girl's just about to go wild.
2
00:00:07,740 --> 00:00:13,439
Listen, dear, I need to talk to you.
Just watching a documentary about breast
3
00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:14,490
cancer.
4
00:00:14,491 --> 00:00:19,179
Those brave young doctors spending their
spring break to cure this silent
5
00:00:19,180 --> 00:00:20,230
killer.
6
00:00:21,740 --> 00:00:26,640
Now, listen, dear, I don't want my
grandchild to be born out of wedlock.
7
00:00:26,641 --> 00:00:29,769
Well, me neither, but Kelly isn't ready
to get married to me yet.
8
00:00:29,770 --> 00:00:33,389
Well, I'm running for president of my
condo association, and this will be a
9
00:00:33,390 --> 00:00:34,610
disastrous scandal.
10
00:00:34,611 --> 00:00:38,589
Well, I know you can win it for sure,
but you're going to have to kill Bin
11
00:00:38,590 --> 00:00:39,640
Laden.
12
00:00:40,890 --> 00:00:42,450
My opponent is tough.
13
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:46,910
She's running on a platform that will
allow green as an exterior door color.
14
00:00:48,530 --> 00:00:50,350
Oh, my God, that's trivial.
15
00:00:51,850 --> 00:00:53,830
Well, I couldn't think of anything else.
16
00:00:54,990 --> 00:01:00,250
I am prepared to offer you $15 ,000 to
get married before the baby comes.
17
00:01:01,130 --> 00:01:03,190
Look, you can't bribe me to get married.
18
00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:05,590
Fine. Make it $16 ,000.
19
00:01:06,450 --> 00:01:07,710
Would you just stop it?
20
00:01:07,711 --> 00:01:11,649
Dad gave you that money. You have to
keep it, you know, so you don't become a
21
00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:12,700
burden to me.
22
00:01:12,701 --> 00:01:17,269
See, if you got married, you wouldn't
need to watch those filthy little breast
23
00:01:17,270 --> 00:01:18,410
cancer documentaries.
24
00:01:21,750 --> 00:01:23,610
Honey, quick, put your hand up.
25
00:01:38,990 --> 00:01:40,070
out of a chicken's ass.
26
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:45,330
No, honey, it didn't.
27
00:01:45,331 --> 00:01:48,869
You know what? I don't want you to go
into the delivery room after all. You'll
28
00:01:48,870 --> 00:01:49,920
just be confused.
29
00:01:50,701 --> 00:01:57,769
Okay, listen, you won't believe just
what happened a few minutes ago. Yeah.
30
00:01:57,770 --> 00:02:03,290
My mom offered $16 ,000 if we would get
married before the baby comes. What?
31
00:02:03,770 --> 00:02:04,820
That's crazy.
32
00:02:04,821 --> 00:02:05,829
I know.
33
00:02:05,830 --> 00:02:07,210
I would have done it for five.
34
00:02:07,211 --> 00:02:12,599
I never get tired of this bit about how
marrying me for love would be
35
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,650
ridiculous.
36
00:02:13,651 --> 00:02:15,119
Come on.
37
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:18,480
It would be ridiculous if I didn't love
you so much.
38
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:25,560
But, I mean, I think we're ready to get
married now, Drew, don't you?
39
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:28,290
Oh, okay, I get it.
40
00:02:28,291 --> 00:02:30,739
Lucy with the football. Let me get a
head start.
41
00:02:30,740 --> 00:02:31,790
No, no.
42
00:02:31,791 --> 00:02:38,929
for the right reasons now, and not just
because I'm pregnant with what's almost
43
00:02:38,930 --> 00:02:40,010
certainly your child.
44
00:02:40,011 --> 00:02:45,689
You better not be messing with me,
because after eight months of begging,
45
00:02:45,690 --> 00:02:51,770
little fragile. I know that you love me
for me, and I'm ready.
46
00:02:52,530 --> 00:02:53,830
Come on, Drew.
47
00:02:54,170 --> 00:02:55,220
Ask me.
48
00:02:56,170 --> 00:02:57,220
Come on.
49
00:02:57,670 --> 00:02:58,970
Come on. All right.
50
00:02:59,450 --> 00:03:00,500
Here goes.
51
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:03,580
Kelly?
52
00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:06,020
I love you.
53
00:03:06,390 --> 00:03:07,710
Will you marry me?
54
00:03:09,950 --> 00:03:11,630
How soon do you need an answer? No!
55
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:14,460
Sorry,
56
00:03:14,550 --> 00:03:18,100
I'm stupid. It's not funny. I thought it
was funny. It's not. It's not funny.
57
00:03:19,430 --> 00:03:20,730
Of course I'll marry you.
58
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,000
Oh.
59
00:03:22,441 --> 00:03:23,889
I
60
00:03:23,890 --> 00:03:30,949
can't
61
00:03:30,950 --> 00:03:33,749
believe how many times I've pictured
this exact moment right down to the meat
62
00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:34,800
your hair.
63
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,800
a month until the baby comes. I'm sure I
can plan a wedding in a couple weeks.
64
00:03:40,801 --> 00:03:44,739
Boy, you were never this keen on getting
married before the baby comes. I know,
65
00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:47,659
honey, but now that I'm this big, I'm
thinking I'm not going to lose all the
66
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:49,770
weight, so I've got to nail somebody
down.
67
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:54,159
You know, it's one thing to joke about
me not being the father, but don't you
68
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,020
ever joke about not losing the weight.
69
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,320
Walk me inside my boat.
70
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,940
I'm thinking of the wall of wine, yeah.
71
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,079
Adelaide, yeah.
72
00:04:20,019 --> 00:04:23,280
Thank you,
73
00:04:23,281 --> 00:04:28,179
everyone, for coming to this rehearsal
brunch on such short notice and helping
74
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:32,779
out with the wedding. Now, we got to
park, but everybody has to be there at 2
75
00:04:32,780 --> 00:04:33,679
'clock sharp.
76
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,420
Because the sprinklers go on at 2 .45.
77
00:04:35,421 --> 00:04:40,539
So you're not going to be working on
Saturday, because this is the first I
78
00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:41,019
of it.
79
00:04:41,020 --> 00:04:42,980
Well, Mr. Wick, it's my wedding.
80
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:47,250
Yes, but I've got paperwork to do, and
when I'm alone, I hear spooky noises.
81
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:51,220
Why don't you have Mimi come in? She
doesn't just care the living, you know.
82
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:54,610
That's a good one.
83
00:04:54,660 --> 00:04:56,680
Hand me the ninja star from my purse.
84
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:01,510
I took it out. I thought it was going to
poke a hole in your diaphragm.
85
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:06,990
I'm not worried about that thing. It's
taken a lot of punishment over the
86
00:05:07,621 --> 00:05:13,089
Now the father of the bride would like
to say a few words.
87
00:05:13,090 --> 00:05:14,150
Thank you.
88
00:05:15,570 --> 00:05:21,729
Well, the only thing a father really
wants in this world is for his little
89
00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:22,569
to be happy.
90
00:05:22,570 --> 00:05:28,629
When I see her with... Well, guess who's
late to her own daughter's rehearsal
91
00:05:28,630 --> 00:05:29,680
brunch?
92
00:05:31,530 --> 00:05:36,129
Let me guess, you and your janitor
boyfriend hit the liquor store for a
93
00:05:36,130 --> 00:05:37,530
and some scratchers?
94
00:05:39,210 --> 00:05:43,130
A cold 40. What a brilliant description
of our years together.
95
00:05:43,131 --> 00:05:47,829
For your information, Don, we stopped to
get Kelly some flowers.
96
00:05:47,830 --> 00:05:51,889
Well, I'm not one to kiss and tell, but
let's just say we had sex in the
97
00:05:51,890 --> 00:05:52,940
bathroom.
98
00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:06,619
As I was saying, all a father really
wants for his daughter is sex in the
99
00:06:06,620 --> 00:06:09,240
bathroom with a janitor.
100
00:06:09,580 --> 00:06:11,320
No, why stop there?
101
00:06:11,540 --> 00:06:14,320
Next time, try a homeless man in a
dumpster.
102
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:16,810
Yeah!
103
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:26,239
Don, you are an angry little man who was
fired for punching a co -worker over a
104
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,160
fantasy baseball trade gone wrong.
105
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:33,299
You know I left to start my own
business. Oh, you walk around all day
106
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:34,350
into a dead phone.
107
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:39,210
I follow the cord. The other end goes
into the air conditioning vent.
108
00:06:40,420 --> 00:06:44,440
Well, the things you see when you black
out and wake up under a coffee table.
109
00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:45,950
Okay.
110
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:47,640
Don't bother the bride.
111
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:48,930
How about a big hand?
112
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,410
Forty years of marriage. They must be
doing something right.
113
00:06:57,380 --> 00:06:58,430
Anywho.
114
00:06:59,530 --> 00:07:01,270
would like to make a toast to Kelly?
115
00:07:04,110 --> 00:07:10,649
When I look around at all my friends and
relatives, I realize that the love in
116
00:07:10,650 --> 00:07:11,950
this room... Whore!
117
00:07:12,970 --> 00:07:14,020
Whore!
118
00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:15,600
Whore!
119
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:17,620
Whore!
120
00:07:21,410 --> 00:07:23,350
Now, Don, you already had your toast.
121
00:07:23,590 --> 00:07:24,640
Listen! Listen!
122
00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:29,290
This is my wedding. I know you guys are
miserable, but can't you just be happy?
123
00:07:29,291 --> 00:07:34,639
Sweetheart, it's your father who refuses
to be civil about this. Why can't we
124
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:38,010
just accept that sometimes adults make
love in public restrooms?
125
00:07:38,340 --> 00:07:41,940
That's it. No, no, no, no, no. That is
it, Lewis. You have to leave.
126
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,060
Well, if he's leaving, I'm leaving.
127
00:07:44,061 --> 00:07:47,259
Hey, hey, hey. Don't leave on my
account, because I'm over you.
128
00:07:47,260 --> 00:07:51,300
This one was checking me out earlier.
Maybe I'll do her in the toilet.
129
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:56,280
Excuse me. Hey, that's my mother. You'll
do her in the bedroom.
130
00:08:04,590 --> 00:08:06,050
Baby, he means well.
131
00:08:06,390 --> 00:08:11,710
Oh, please, please, everybody, just be
quiet and let Drew finish his speech.
132
00:08:11,990 --> 00:08:13,040
Yeah, shut up, Don.
133
00:08:13,170 --> 00:08:15,570
My daughter asked you to leave.
134
00:08:15,850 --> 00:08:19,280
Don't get over it! You're the one
talking into the air conditioner!
135
00:08:20,490 --> 00:08:21,540
Well said.
136
00:08:21,810 --> 00:08:24,850
Hey, back off, Grand Milf. You're the
one dating the janitor.
137
00:08:25,650 --> 00:08:29,290
Oh, you can see my date? I thought you
were blind.
138
00:08:29,990 --> 00:08:31,040
That's it.
139
00:08:31,490 --> 00:08:33,250
Where do you want it?
140
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:36,880
get in first. You can dishonor the
court.
141
00:08:41,289 --> 00:08:47,370
I was thinking the same thing, Drew, but
my car's blocked in.
142
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,160
Hey, can you give us a ride down to City
Hall?
143
00:08:52,350 --> 00:08:55,420
You sure you want to go over there?
That's kind of a real ferry.
144
00:08:56,950 --> 00:08:58,090
I'll take my chances.
145
00:09:07,020 --> 00:09:13,279
getting a burst of mini fresh flavor i'm
here you're not spent the last 30 years
146
00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:18,059
restoring this car buried my mother in a
cardboard box so i could afford those
147
00:09:18,060 --> 00:09:25,039
original formats yeah but my breath is
bad i have to kiss the bride i don't
148
00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:31,780
what you gotta do as long as nobody eats
anything in my why am i wet
149
00:09:38,060 --> 00:09:40,040
Oh, man, my floor mats.
150
00:09:40,191 --> 00:09:45,559
Quick, Tony, you got to get us to the
Cleveland Clinic.
151
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:47,220
How about I just drop you here?
152
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:52,190
Sure, in your condition, you shouldn't
have any problem flagging somebody down.
153
00:09:52,191 --> 00:09:54,579
Come on, man, you got to get us to the
hospital.
154
00:09:54,580 --> 00:09:55,630
Oh, man.
155
00:09:55,631 --> 00:09:57,679
Hang on, honey, we'll be there in a
minute.
156
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,860
Well, you might as well have your gum
now.
157
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,060
My car is full of baby juice.
158
00:10:28,010 --> 00:10:29,630
a couple more weeks left to study.
159
00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:34,170
It means she could be two hours, she
could be two days. Every woman's
160
00:10:36,630 --> 00:10:39,340
Hey, honey, great news. This could be
another two days.
161
00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:44,670
You think that two days of labor is
great?
162
00:10:46,090 --> 00:10:48,790
How about I punch you in the testicles
for two days?
163
00:10:51,470 --> 00:10:53,270
We'll see how great you think that is.
164
00:10:53,271 --> 00:10:56,689
No, I mean, we still have time to get
married for the baby this year.
165
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:57,740
Drew.
166
00:11:02,211 --> 00:11:06,039
I don't want my baby born out of
wedlock.
167
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,890
Look, he's already a carry. That makes
him a dodgeball target automatically.
168
00:11:10,780 --> 00:11:12,950
I don't want to paint a bullseye on his
back.
169
00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:14,610
Great. Okay.
170
00:11:14,860 --> 00:11:19,059
I'll go find a minister and you spend
some more time putting the defibrillator
171
00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:20,110
on your nipples.
172
00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:24,260
Yeah, I heard you.
173
00:11:25,660 --> 00:11:29,979
Oh, honey, we came as soon as we got the
message. Have they given you any
174
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,030
Demerol yet?
175
00:11:47,931 --> 00:11:51,839
Annette, you stay here and take care of
Kelly.
176
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,959
You guys come with me. There's a chapel
downstairs.
177
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,340
Maybe we can find a minister.
178
00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:58,710
Can't wait till Kelly has the baby. I
love that new baby smell.
179
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,920
It's almost as good as a new car smell.
180
00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:05,719
Hey, you know, if you put a new baby in
a new car, that'd be the best smell
181
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:06,770
ever.
182
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:16,000
Through this holy unction, may the Lord
pardon thee whatever sin.
183
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,600
I'm giving this man the last rites.
184
00:12:25,660 --> 00:12:29,090
Look, his girlfriend's giving birth. He
needs to get married, okay?
185
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,830
You can help save the baby from being
born out of wedlock and going to hell.
186
00:12:35,260 --> 00:12:38,810
It'd really mean a lot to me if you let
me get married before my kid comes.
187
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,420
I wish I could help, but I promised Mr.
188
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:44,890
Clark that I would stay with him until
he goes to be with the Lord.
189
00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:47,910
Well, uh, just a little ballpark
estimate here.
190
00:12:51,690 --> 00:12:54,160
Let's say the Lord was making dinner for
Mr. Clark.
191
00:12:54,530 --> 00:12:56,330
When would he put the noodles on?
192
00:12:58,330 --> 00:13:00,010
I can't answer that.
193
00:13:03,610 --> 00:13:05,950
Wait a minute.
194
00:13:06,170 --> 00:13:07,220
What's that?
195
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:13,650
He's gone. Grab your oil. Let's rock,
Padre.
196
00:13:14,830 --> 00:13:19,050
Nice try. Nice try, boys. He's not even
hooked up to anything.
197
00:13:21,290 --> 00:13:24,300
I'm really sorry. Their spines aren't
hooked up to anything.
198
00:13:24,610 --> 00:13:29,450
My hands are tied. I'd love to perform
your marriage, but I cannot leave, Mr.
199
00:13:29,550 --> 00:13:30,600
Clark.
200
00:13:30,630 --> 00:13:34,910
Coming. Oh, darling.
201
00:13:38,910 --> 00:13:40,510
You look beautiful.
202
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:46,630
I suppose this is no sillier than those
hippie weddings naked on a cliff.
203
00:13:47,770 --> 00:13:53,000
Hey, if you can protest... war and hang
on to a man at the same time, you do it.
204
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:59,219
I always thought I'd get married wearing
a wedding dress and a veil and
205
00:13:59,220 --> 00:14:00,270
underwear.
206
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,520
But the breeze is refreshing, so let's
do this.
207
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,500
Is that the dead guy?
208
00:14:07,501 --> 00:14:12,939
No, but I'm beginning to think he's
hanging on just to spite us. True, true,
209
00:14:12,940 --> 00:14:13,990
do know.
210
00:14:13,991 --> 00:14:20,669
It's not like it's an omen or anything
about what your married life's going to
211
00:14:20,670 --> 00:14:21,720
be like.
212
00:14:23,410 --> 00:14:26,470
Well, we can at least close the
curtains.
213
00:14:26,471 --> 00:14:30,169
Don't you want to introduce yourself? If
he's going to hell, it'd be nice to
214
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:31,730
know someone when you get there.
215
00:14:31,731 --> 00:14:36,369
I know this is going to be hard, but
it's the only way we can do this. Are
216
00:14:36,370 --> 00:14:38,770
okay? I'm okay, I'm okay. Let's just go.
217
00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:44,050
I don't know what it is. The dying guy,
the priest, the smell of disinfectant.
218
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,650
But I'm so horny right now.
219
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,000
for Larry Almada.
220
00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:54,860
Can we just get on with this thing?
221
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:59,470
Drew's gonna have his hands full.
Kelly's turning into a real princess.
222
00:14:59,471 --> 00:15:04,459
Dearly beloved, we're gathered here
today to join this couple in the bonds
223
00:15:04,460 --> 00:15:05,510
holy matrimony.
224
00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:07,750
Okay,
225
00:15:07,980 --> 00:15:11,530
okay. Her contractions are getting very
close. Why don't you check her?
226
00:15:16,180 --> 00:15:18,180
What an awkward, sexy moment.
227
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:35,270
Maybe you can bury us in the hallway.
I've already explained to you I can't.
228
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,500
Well, thanks for nothing.
229
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:40,220
And by the way, sex with women?
230
00:15:41,260 --> 00:15:42,310
Fantastic.
231
00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:47,259
How are you feeling?
232
00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:49,120
To be honest, Doc, I'm a little scared.
233
00:16:10,020 --> 00:16:11,520
Is it too late for the wedding?
234
00:16:11,620 --> 00:16:14,750
No, but hurry, because we can see the
top of the best man's head.
235
00:16:15,180 --> 00:16:17,120
No! We're going to do this now?
236
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:19,790
Come on, it's just something to pass the
time.
237
00:16:19,791 --> 00:16:22,239
Do you, Kelly, take this man, Drew? Yes,
yes, I do!
238
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:26,360
Do you, Drew, take this woman, Kelly, to
be your lawfully wedded wife? Yeah,
239
00:16:26,380 --> 00:16:29,520
what do you think? I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
240
00:16:30,460 --> 00:16:31,900
Oh, we were so close.
241
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:42,970
He's fine. He's just fine.
242
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:46,280
Oh, Drew.
243
00:16:48,690 --> 00:16:49,810
He's beautiful.
244
00:16:53,410 --> 00:16:56,750
So pretty. Oh, you did great, honey. I
love you so much.
245
00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:58,060
I love you.
246
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:18,129
at the vending machine on the way up
here so we can count that time and say
247
00:17:18,130 --> 00:17:19,180
was born in wedlock.
248
00:17:21,069 --> 00:17:22,119
We did.
249
00:17:22,430 --> 00:17:25,200
He looks just like his mom, so he really
hit the jackpot.
250
00:17:25,990 --> 00:17:29,570
You know, honey, we never did settle on
a name.
251
00:17:30,270 --> 00:17:32,800
I'm so exhausted from all this. Why
don't you pick?
252
00:17:36,970 --> 00:17:42,709
Well, maybe we should name him after the
man who was kind enough to die and give
253
00:17:42,710 --> 00:17:43,760
us a... priest.
254
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:48,200
Oh, that's a wonderful idea. What was
Mr. Clark's first name?
255
00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:50,670
Enos.
256
00:18:23,630 --> 00:18:25,740
Well, nothing to do now except say
thanks.
257
00:18:25,910 --> 00:18:27,850
So thanks. It was a lot of fun.
258
00:18:28,050 --> 00:18:29,190
Good night. Thanks a lot.
259
00:18:31,601 --> 00:18:33,699
Cut, please.
260
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:38,250
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
21329
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.