Original subtitles

Hey. Hey, Drew.

Mimi ready?

Oh, she's upstairs making herself pretty.

Have a seat. We'll see if there's a mini -fury down.

Knock it off.

Mimi's great.

Yesterday we went to this place where they build houses for the poor.

We pretended we were inspectors and made them do a bunch of stuff over again.

Sounds like you two are made for each other.

I guess there's a key to every lock, nest, monster.

Anyway, hey.

Two people so perfectly matched would move in together, don't you think?

I know you want her out of your house, but we feel this is special, and we're

going to take it slow.

Okay. But for today, today only, if you get her out of my house, I will throw in

a slightly used 32 -inch color TV.

I got the name of somebody who can fix your car.

We were making a memory, and I kind of put my foot through the rag top.

Great. Now I have a memory.

Okay. Well, thanks for taking care of Gus. Don't wait up.

Holy crap.

What? A letter from Steve.

Oh, my God. Where is he?

Well, it doesn't say there's no return address, but the postmark says

Youngstown.

There's a check?

and a note that he knows that Mimi and Gus have been living here and he wants

pay me back.

Well, it's about time your jerk brother took some responsibility for running out

on them.

Yeah, but your money isn't going to make up for me having to see Mimi eat a

bologna sandwich in her bra.

Well, honey, you should have knocked before you walked into the bathroom.

I wonder what he's doing in Youngstown. He probably feels ashamed for what he

did and he's punishing himself.

Yeah, but Youngstown doesn't sound like he killed anybody.

Wow, you know what?

If I could find him, I could get him and Mimi talking. Maybe they'd get back

together. No, honey, it's not that simple. You know, Mimi and Larry are

very serious. I am talking about putting a family back together.

No, you are talking about getting Mimi out of your house.

I can talk about two things at once.

Drew, Drew, look at me.

You have to promise me that you are not going to force things with Steve and

Mimi just to get her out.

Hey, Steve!

Wake up, man!

Oh, my God.

Come in.

How'd you find me?

It wasn't easy. I had to ask Mom.

Damn it.

It's more a hurt of secrecy.

That's what she said, but then I promised her a picture of Gus dressed as

pirate.

I haven't seen the little guy in so long. Do you have the picture with you?

there isn't one. This Halloween, he went dressed as Lizzie McGuire.

You know, she would have just blown that all out of proportion.

What the hell's going on? Why'd you run out on your wife and kid, you selfish

bastard? I know.

I'm sorry.

Just after Dad died, I kind of freaked out. I had to figure out what I wanted

life. Yeah, Dad's death affected me, too, but you don't avoid your

responsibilities. I just didn't want my dreams to die with me the way Dad's did.

So I traveled the world, ended up in Sri Lanka, buried the dead after a malaria

outbreak.

I had to live with Mimi, and you got to bury the dead? That hardly seems fair.

Well, I'm back now, and I'm rebuilding my life.

I'm the head cook of the Youngstown public school system.

Yesterday, one youngster pulled a knife on another youngster over the last piece

of my cherry cobbler.

Tragic. He had a feather in my cap.

Well, you've got a nice place here, I'll tell you that.

Hey, you know what, uh, you know what looked good in that corner right over

there?

Uh, what do you call it? Those, uh, oh, yeah, your family.

Believe me, I would love to win Mimi back.

But after what I put her through, I need to have something more to offer.

Stability, money, and a bank.

Also, I'm getting a hair weave and taking your himby route for male

Well, you better haul ass, because she's dating Larry Almada now.

Almada?

God, she used to hate that guy.

Yeah, well, now she's hating his brains out two, three times a night.

Drew, I just don't think I'm ready to face Mimi.

Nobody is.

You know, it's like pulling off a bandage. You just got to do it.

Will you talk to her?

See if she's ready to see me?

That might be a good idea. If you show up unannounced, she might just shoot you

and drag you inside and say we're trying to break in.

Then shoot you again. She's pretty mad.

Thanks, man.

Yeah. Hey, before I go, do you got any of that cobbler left?

I want to taste the pie that's worth doing a nickel and juvie for.

Your Tupper Maid is in. Oh, yes. Such a good customer.

I hear you're in a free popsicle maker.

They always taste better when you make them yourself.

You know, Lewis, you're always grumbling about how much money we spend on

popsicles each month.

For the last time, they're a dessert, not a meal.

I am so excited about my butter dish.

You're going to be a fun old lady.

If you host a party at your house, I'll throw in a free pie tote.

Wait a minute. Are you saying this makes ordinary pie portable?

Tomorrow's here, people.

Well, think about it, Kelly.

Drew, this Gallaudet was a real hoot.

She held two of our fresh -locked bagel buddies up to her, and then she

pretended it.

Well, she'll tell you about it.

They're too sore for me to touch, but they're not too sore to stuff into two

plastic containers.

Well, plastic containers don't watch TV over my shoulder.

So these parties, a bunch of women come to your house, drink, pay you money, and

give you their addresses and phone numbers?

Perhaps this is something we should do.

You know, every time you say that, it's never something you should do.

What do you want, pig?

I've got to talk to you for a second.

All right.

Make it fast.

I'm meeting Larry at the mini golf course. I'm going to give him a little

in the windmill.

By the way, I don't think you should take Guster anymore. It's not a very

wholesome environment.

I want to talk to you about Steve.

Told you. I don't ever want to hear that man's name again.

Okay, okay.

I'll use a name that won't set you off.

Millie from Millie Vanellie is working in the school cafeteria in Youngstown.

Really sorry.

I'd like to see you.

So I'm supposed to drop everything because Millie from Millie Vanillie is

I don't think so. Please, Mimi.

Millie's very sorry and he wants to get the family back together.

I'm sorry. It's too late.

Mimi, he's the father of your child.

The mother forgot.

Fine. I'll see him for the boy.

Jeez, it brings up a bunch of bad memories.

clear my head.

You're going to the windmill, aren't you?

Some people meditate.

I like being slammed against a fiberglass golf hazard.

And this elegant casserole tub has a unique pop -up steam valve.

The seal stays on, so splatters stay in.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. And now for the drawing of our door prize.

This lovely set of egg cozies.

What's your name, sweetheart?

Diane Westbrook. Yeah, that's it. Congratulations.

Perhaps we could meet at a restaurant halfway between your place and mine.

A concert.

Roller skating.

Whatever. All right.

Guys, I have to say, I'm very impressed.

You did a great job.

Except for the cake in the shape of boobs.

That's more of a bachelor party thing.

Who thinks they can sell Tupper Maid on my territory?

What do you mean, your territory?

All the plastic that moves through this part of Cleveland goes through me.

That salad spinner's gonna hurt.

I can make selling Tupper Maid very difficult for you.

It's already kind of difficult.

Can't remember the name of the bowl?

and I get nervous in front of large groups.

Just so you know, the four -quart snap and seal is the perfect size to hold a

human head.

Just so you know, we're not going anywhere, but we're using that as a

point.

Hey, Drew, you better tell your buddies here to get smart in a hurry.

Well, which one should I start with?

The one who thinks the president's a robot or the one who ate a hot dog he

in the park?

Consider yourselves warned.

We're not scared of you.

Yeah, after all, what kind of men would you be if you let women tell you how to

sell your little plastic food containers?

Hi, honey.

Just what?

Mamie just called.

She just met with Steve. She said it was a little tense, but they had a really

good talk.

Great. Oh, you know, I just want her to be happy.

I'm going to go throw her crap out on the lawn.

Oh, the Tupper made party's over.

Want to go roller skating?

Hello, I am looking for Steve Cady.

Oh, he doesn't live here.

I found this address in one of his notebooks.

Who are you?

I am Padma from Sri Lanka.

I am his lover.

I am Drew from Cleveland.

Holy crap.

Hi. Come on in. We're from Steve's family. Sit down.

How do you know Steve?

We met at a movie. They were showing the Patrick Dempsey film Loverboy on a

large sheet in my village.

My sheets have dinosaurs on them. That would be distracting.

Yes, I think we can all agree that distractions are annoying. Please go on.

I found the movie predictable and my eyes wandered to Steve's huge,

bald head.

Our eyes met and that night on that very same sheet he became my lover boy.

dead. He didn't say what he did with the live ones.

So, uh, does Steve know you're here?

It will be a surprise. I'm going to live with him and have a happy American

life.

Hey, uh, Padma, in your country, do people wear big hats to the movies?

that's a big problem here.

Awful. She came halfway around the world.

Certainly there's more important things we can learn about her culture.

What kind of underwear are you sporting under that crazy getup?

but I think we might get together.

Thanks for making me talk to him.

Who the hell's that?

I am Padma. I am the lover of... Of Tupper Maid. She's the, uh, number one

Tupper Maid salesperson in all of India.

Tupper Maid?

I've had your food. I don't know who the hell'd want to save it.

Anyway, uh, Padma's here on a Tupper Maid exchange program, and Oswald and

were just about to show around Cleveland, weren't you guys?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we can take her on a roller coaster at Cedar Point.

That way when that thing she's wearing blows up over her head, we can see what

we're working with.

You're going to love Cedar Point. And after we've seen your panties, we'll get

corndogs.

I am just here to see... The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? The giant rubber

Don't worry, we'll see it all.

You know what?

Just to be safe, maybe... Maybe I should just go with her, you know? Because in

her culture, if she's alone with two men, it will bring shame. In any

being seen with these two yokels would bring shame on your family.

Yeah, well, you know, you better get going. You know how crowded that giant

rubber stamp gets at night.

Nice girl.

Yeah, you know, if it works out between Steve and me, maybe we could fix her up

with Larry.

Yeah, well, she does like bald guys.

What?

You know, Gandhi, Buddha.

I'm this close to shaving my head and moving there myself.

You wanted to see me?

Yeah.

We put in our Tuppermaid order and they said they were out of stock on

everything.

Curious.

Don't you think, Nora?

I wouldn't know anything about that.

Oh, well, sorry we asked you down here, then.

She's just being campy for evil effect, you moron.

What's it going to take to get our orders filled?

I saw your order sheet.

You guys didn't do too bad for beginners.

Why don't we put this bickering aside and you can come work for me?

I'll treat you real nice.

Can we get more brochures and cardboard stand -up displays?

Anything you want, sweetheart.

You're working for Mama Nora now.

She makes me feel safe. Let's do it.

All right, but if we get tired of the life, we can always stop, right?

Sure, baby, sure.

Now, I've got some clients I want you to meet tonight.

Be good to them.

They specifically asked for a two -man show.

Hey, honey. Hey. Here's your burger.

Listen, I still... I don't think you should have told Mimi about Padma. No, I

want to hear Steve's side of it first. You know, if this Padma is just some

of a nut, maybe Mimi and Steve can still work it out. Then she can move out and

you can move in with me. Come on, I move in with you.

We sleep in the same bed. We have a little... And before you know it, I'm

pregnant.

Come on, I worry about you out in that converted garage all by yourself.

Especially with the converted garage killer on the loose.

Wow. That's a very specific kind of killer. Well, he doesn't have any

yet, but he's made his intentions pretty well known.

I told you I will move in with you when there's room.

And the next step is marriage, right?

I guess. Uh -huh. No.

No, uh -huh. You didn't trap me. No, well, I didn't trap you yet, but you're

caught in my web, and then you're struggling, and then you get exhausted,

that's when I propose.

What's so important, Drew?

I had to leave a school board meeting.

It was about the kebabs I put on the menu last Friday. Apparently, 5 ,000

wooden sticks in a racially divided school is a bad idea.

It's about Padma.

My Padma?

I'm not sure. It's a common name in Cleveland.

Mimi met her.

Oh, my God.

Did Padma suffer, or was it quick?

I covered for you. She doesn't know anything about the affair. She just met

What's going on with you two?

We were nothing more than two lonely people looking for comfort on a sheet

the moonlight until the villagers needed their sheet back for the 11 o 'clock

show.

The main thing is I now realize what's important.

My wife and son.

Okay, okay, okay. I won't tell Mimi about Padma.

But you've got to promise me that it's over with you two. Absolutely.

I can virtually guarantee it. Virtually? You're going to have to do better than

that. Okay, you can't cheat on Mimi again.

Lewis and Oswald sold her a Tupper Maid container that's the perfect size for a

human head.

I am not going to lie to Mimi. As a matter of fact, I'm going to tell her

about Padma and me. I will make Mimi understand that I love her.

But Padma came halfway across the world for me. I can't just desert her.

Well, when you tell her all this stuff, just make sure you're drinking iced tea.

Why?

I told him to ask for iced tea.

Look, they're obviously having some trouble, but it's complicated when

an ex involved.

You think I still have a shot?

Hey, she just boiled her ex -husband's genitals.

I think that makes you the front runner.

Fine,

you say you're not ready to take me back, but I know your tea is usually

than that, and that tells me something.

The damn story took so long, the water cooled.

Look, even if we can't be together, I still intend to support my family and be

father to Gus.

Fine. The kid deserves a daddy. It's the least you can do.

I could teach him how to make my famous cherry cobbler.

After you left, he traded his doll collection to a girl in his class for a

soccer ball. I kind of like to keep the train on that track.

You know, I made those dolls myself.

That's why I went and bought them back from the girl in case she ever came

All right.

Go ice your junk, you big Mary.

Hey, you all right?

Yeah.

I kind of wanted that to work out, but I think I did the right thing, didn't I?

Yeah, yeah, you did.

Hey, you know, if you really want to stick it to Steve, you would move in

Larry.

And if you act right now, I'll throw in a 32 -inch color TV.

Hey, Mimi.

Hey.

Come on, look at you two. Why fight it? You're made for each other.

I'll go get a truck. We'll have you moved out of here by midnight.

Well, maybe we could start with a game of miniature golf and see how that goes.

I don't think you and I can go back to mini golf.

Oh, I see.

No, no, no. We'll get arrested.

They posted our pictures right there in that little pencil.

What about behind the pin setting machine at the bowling alley? Ooh,