All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s09e16 Girlfriend Interrupted.eng

Life could be a dream.

If I could take you to paradise up
above.

John.

John,

go.

No, we just got left at the altar.

Man, I really thought she loved me.

Is that the bouquet?

Yeah, I caught it. She...

Chucked it out the window when she was
peeling out.

Looks like I'm next.

That car was a rental.

It's going to cost me 15 cents a mile
all the way down to New Orleans.

Drew, was it selfish of me to tell you
that I have feelings for you? No, no.

I have feelings for you, too. I just was
expressing them by marrying another

woman.

Man, Drew.

Drew. We are so, so sorry Lily took off
like that.

Yeah. So sad we started drinking.

And?

We got so mad at Lily that we ran around
and took all the lilies out of the

centerpieces.

Then we stuffed them in the toilet and
flushed.

Long story short, the lobby's flooding.

So? So I think we've shown you that
we're on your side. Yeah.

Hey! Yeah?

Could we go down to Mexico and stay in
your honeymoon suite?

You paid for it already.

Is that what you came in here for? I
don't want you in my honeymoon bed.

We could really use the getaway. You
know, we're awfully tired from planning

this whole wedding. You didn't plan it?
I planned this whole thing myself.

I think the open bar was our suggestion.

Would you just get out? Leave me alone
right now, okay? You have to leave me

alone.

Let it go, buddy. He's always got to
win.

Drew, you don't have to... We have to
decide right now if we're friends or

than friends, you know?

Friends plus, now with added sex?

Sorry, I'm just confused too.

That is for two as you go and go out the
kitchen.

Hey,

Ma.

Hey, did you... Did that cab show up? I
told those guys.

You missed your flight.

Well, I just had to stay for a couple of
days.

A little extra time with my son would be
nice.

Aren't you worried that Dad's going to
be catting around with every hottie at

the senior center?

I am not worried at all. I took his blue
pills with me.

How are you holding up now that that
little tramp walked out on you

You know, it was just like watching a
public castration.

Wow. I was searching for just the right
word there, but you found it.

How long are you planning on staying?

Well, I don't think this is a good time
for you to be alone right now. I just

wish there was somebody, somebody else
that could keep you company.

Somebody that you trust.

Uh, Oswald and Lois? No.

Steve? Kelly! Stop playing games. You
know it's Kelly.

Look, Kelly and I may just be friends at
this point. You know, I don't know. I

need time to sort things out.

I once lost a wonderful man because I
needed to sort things out.

You could have been.

Half Hawaiian, you know.

Great. The Don Ho story again.

Look, I can't rush things. I rushed
things with Lily. It turned out to be a

disaster.

Fine. Sorry for loving you.

Hello? Bula.

That's me, Drew.

Oh, sorry your wedding went to crap.

Put your mother on it.

Yeah, hey, Mom.

It's Dad.

Not again. He calls every ten minutes.

When is he coming back? I can't find a
can opener.

I'm going to starve here.

He says he loves you. He wants to take
you dancing.

I told him there was a can opener in the
top drawer by the stove.

I'm a veteran, damn it.

I just want to muck and mire a Korean
gentleman.

George, no.

into the house to steal the butter.

He wants to talk to you, Drew.

Yeah, I'll call back as soon as I get
back from my honeymoon.

Charge us to the room, Mr. Carey?

You bet.

Another lobster tail, Lily?

Oh, I knew marrying you was a good idea.
You take such good care of me.

Uh -oh. What?

Follow my lead.

you are.

I've been looking all over Mexico for
you. How dare you steal Drew's honeymoon

and run up a huge tab?

Oh.

Front desk asked me to tell you that the
rose petals are clogging the jacuzzi

tub, but not to do that anymore.

A beer for our friend.

Gee, Drew, we're surprised to see you
here.

I'll bet.

Had to come down here for a few days,
get my mind off Lily.

Drew, this is getting kind of heavy, and
we're on vacation.

Hey, there's Carmelita, the girl I met
last night.

Isn't it ironic the one girl who finally
falls in love with me doesn't

understand a word I'm saying?

That's irony, right?

What a night.

We had dinner, walked along the beach,
made love in a hammock.

Strange.

Last night I had dinner, went for a walk
along the beach, hid behind a tree and

watched a couple make love in a hammock.

Carmelita, I want you to meet Drew and
this is Louis.

These are my friends, my amigos.

Ah, da igual.

Tendré sexo con usted y con sus amigos
por 100, 200 dólares.

I think she could be the one.

Hey, Carmelita, you want to go horseback
riding on the beach?

You know... Excuse

me, Mr. Carey. Your fishing boat's ready
for

you. We're going after shark.

They put up the best fight.

The machine guns you asked for are on
the boat.

Hey, uh, can I get that beard?

So, how's your vacation going?

Oh, it's not.

I'm, uh...

I'm actually down here trying to figure
out what to do about a woman.

See, we were best friends and... And now
you have feelings for each other and

you don't know what to... Yeah, well,
now that you've reduced my problems to a

cliche... Do you have any advice?

I see lovers come in here with new
loves. But friends, they always come

with the same friends.

If you want to keep this woman in your
life, keep her as a friend.

Well, that's the best advice I've heard
since this whole thing started.

Mr. Carey, guys, is he going to get in
any trouble if you shoot somebody with

that machine gun?

You're actually in jail, man. That's no
joke. No, it isn't.

All right. Hey,

Drew. Hey.

How was Mexico?

Oh, great. I got my picture taken on a
donkey that was painted like a zebra.

I guess you can't visit the Mayan ruins.
That's the next best thing.

Yeah.

Hey, listen.

I did a lot of thinking while I was down
in Mexico, and I decided that I really,

really care for you.

Yeah, I care about you.

Yeah, no, let me finish. You're my best
friend.

You're amazing.

You're my best friend. You're amazing.

And I was thinking, you know, what if my
girlfriend was also my best friend, and

my best friend was my girlfriend?

Yeah. Yeah, and I thought, man, that is
a recipe for disaster.

What? What if it didn't work out?

I would lose you as a friend.

And that's too important to me. I don't
think I could handle that.

Yeah.

I certainly see your point, Drew.

And I do value our friendship. Right.

That probably makes the most sense.
Right.

So, what's it going to be with you two?
Slapping ass or shaking hands?

Drew and I... decided that we're just
gonna go back to being friends.

Oh. Uh -huh.

Go back.

Well, you'd be the first people to make
that work because you can't put the

snake back in the can.

Snake never went into the can or left
the can. There was no snake -can

interaction.

Yeah, look, we were friends before.
There's no reason we can't be friends

Really? No reason? Well, here's one off
the top of my head.

He's off trying to figure out what to do
while you're here buying fancy

underwear. Then he comes back, lays down
the law, and you're supposed to be good

with that?

You've got to be resentful as hell.

That's going to fester.

The wings are up. I've got to go.

Dad? I came to bring your mother home.
Now, I've been here an hour. Now, where

is she? Try looking upstairs.

I climbed hills in Korea. I'm not
walking upstairs.

Ma! Yes, dear?

You come back to Florida and make me a
sandwich.

George, I told you not to come.

I forgot my PIN number. I can't get any
money.

I'm living on cheese samples from the
supermarket.

Are you wearing my warm -up suit? It's
the only thing in the house that wasn't

filthy. Now, let's go.

I'm just not... ready to go back yet.
Well, you know, actually, everything's

really okay. You know, with me and Kelly
now, if you want to both go.

Oh, that's wonderful, Drew.

When is your first date?

Uh, Tuesday.

Who goes out on a Tuesday?

You're lying.

What? How dare you?

Yeah, I'm lying.

Look,

we're just going to be friends, all
right? Can you just both go?

I can't go home because you're obviously
not in your right mind.

You heard the boy! He wants to die
alone. It's his right.

Thank you, Dad.

Hey, Drew.

Oswald, I thought you'd be down in
Mexico making babies with Carmelita.

I thought you'd be watching.

Ah, Drew, it just wasn't gonna work out.
We're from different worlds, oceans

apart.

So I just left the note and snuck out.

I still don't understand why we had to
leave so quickly. One minute I'm soaking

in a bathtub full of rose petals, and
suddenly it's, we gotta go, we gotta go.

It ruined the whole vacation.

And all the way home.

She doesn't understand.

Couldn't face her.

I was getting some weird vibes from her
family.

Frankly, her sister's dressed like
whores. She's got this huge threatening

brother who's always taking all their
money.

Hey, so, anything happening with you and
Kelly?

Nothing.

Apparently, Drew just wants that
beautiful woman who loves him to be his

You know what I think?

I think love is the scam invented by the
greeting card industry.

It's a crutch for the weak, like Social
Security is for old people.

Hey!

Hey!

You know, if it wasn't for some of us,
you'd all be speaking Korean.

German.

Or Apache.

Oh, God, I'm starving.

We're not here to fix Lewis.

We can't fix something that God gave up
on.

You can help Drew.

Well, if Drew finds half the happiness I
had with Carmelita, well, he'd be half

as happy as I was.

Even Oswald, he understands this. Now,
you should listen to him, Drew.

Drew?

Now, if you had the third of the
happiness I had with Carmelita, well,

would be less than half.

I know.

Three is bigger than two.

Doesn't make any sense to me either.

Hey, Kelly, I'm turning that bookie
alone.

But it was a birthday present.

I know. I just didn't like it.

That's what the wand adds.

I have to get a new job.

Jude just comes in here every day. It's
too hard to see him all the time.

Told you you couldn't be friends
anymore.

I know, Mimi, you're right.

So why don't you be more than friends?

Well, I would love that, but he just
doesn't want that.

Yeah, well, he cares what he wants.

You know, every Sunday before church, my
grandma used to braid my hair.

When she was done, she'd kiss me on the
forehead and she'd say, men are stupid

animals. They need to be led or they'll
wander into an electric fence and fry.

Okay, well, I'm not going to throw
myself at somebody who just likes me for

friend. The pig's having a bad week.
He's thinking cloudy.

Yours is clear.

He's going to wander into an electric
fence and fry.

Okay, you know what? I'm just going to
go for it.

Thank you, Mimi.

Thank you so much.

Why don't you let me just cook you
dinner tomorrow night?

Okay. Just so we're clear, dinner does
not count as a birthday present.

I have looked everywhere.

Drew is not in the house.

I really think Drew was moved by how I
had to leave Carmelita in Mexico and

to go see Kelly.

I just realized I left a goodbye note
for someone who doesn't speak English.

Leave Carmelita in Mexico.

I once had a similar experience in
Hawaii.

Oh, good. The Don Ho story again.

I just don't want you to make the same
mistakes that I did.

True love only comes once in a lifetime.

Don't you love George?

Well, of course.

Oh, if I started thinking about that
now, the whole thing could unravel.

Carmelita, it's Oswald.

I know you couldn't read my note because
you don't know English, so that's why

I'm calling.

To tell you that my life is empty
without you.

I feel the same way.

Darling, I've made up my mind. I'm
coming back to Mexico.

Tell your brother to pick me up at the
airport.

There you are.

Oh, my God, it's Spider -Man.

Hey, careful, Dad. You're going to hurt
yourself.

Look at the condition of this roof.

Every time a plane flies over, you're
laughing, Stock. You don't even know it.

Hey, Butch, I think you knocked a couple
of your rhinestones off on the way out

here. Oh, yeah?

You want to have a go?

All right.

Hey, my wife is downstairs.

Where is yours?

I'm on a roof. I'm on a roof. See?

Yes. That's my clue to everybody, that I
want to be alone.

I'd be more than happy to leave you
alone if you only tell your mother what

needs to hear in order for her to come
back to Florida.

Yeah, did you ever notice the only
advice you give me is something that

your life easier? Not true.

Told you to bunt once.

As I recall, that worked out rather
well.

No, what you screened out in front of
everybody and thanked was if you swing

like a girl, you might as well bunt.

Hello.

Hey. Hey. Hey, Kelly.

You remember my dad?

I'm up here trying to get some peace and
quiet. He's up here to show the

neighbors what the ladies of Florida are
wearing.

Listen,

Drew, if I don't say this now, I'll
never say it. And I know that you've

going through a really tough time
lately, but I don't think that we can be

friends.

I want more, Drew.

Drew?

See you for a second?

It's really embarrassing. I'll be right
back.

This better not be about the roof.

Ah, you were jilted last week.

But you're not reacting to this girl.

You're reacting to the one that whacked
off your huevos and hung them on the

rear view mirror.

Look, I know, but I got some really good
advice from this bartender down in

Mexico.

Women come and go, but friends are
friends forever.

Let me ask you something about this
bartender. Young, good -looking fella.

Sure. Well, you're not.

Thanks, Dad.

Hey.

Hey, Cal.

I decided I want to enroll in that new
Friends Plus program.

You know, the one with the added sex?

You know, that offer expired.

But if you take me to a movie and
dinner, maybe we can see what happens

there.

Sounds great.

How about Friday?

Oh, I can't. I have to work.

Is this the setup just to get back at
me?

No, I'm really working. I'm working, but
I'll call in sick.

Can't wait.

Me too.

All right.

Well, see ya.

See ya.

We have the ultimate love test in just
seconds away. Next on ABC.

Carmelita. Si no has vuelto para
pagarme, los niños te cortarán la nariz

jugarán fútbol con tu cabeza.

I know, but I shouldn't have left. But
I've come to make you an honest woman.

Oh, no está mal.

Paga lo que me debes y quizás...

Te doy un regalito gratis.

Vuelvo por ti cuando termine con él.
Okay.

Well,

when we're married, this sort of stuff
has got to stop.

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