All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s09e04 Drew Thinks Inside the Box

Me? This is my cat.

Say hi to Lulu.

She's all lumpy.

Yep, those are tumors.

She is riddled with them.

She's 21, which is really old for a cat.

Wow, it's like putting a bag of
gumballs.

From now on, we're going to split up
Lulu's care.

I will handle her emotional needs, like
cuddling at night, and you will handle

her medical needs.

For instance...

Trailer, it's your cat. Wouldn't she be
more comfortable with you touching her

back there?

Yeah, she's blind. She doesn't know
who's back there.

Well, if she's suffering so much, why
don't you just have the poor thing put

sleep? I couldn't do that. I've had her
since... Hmm.

Now take her. She smells.

Yeah, yeah.

Better to give Trailer's stupid cat a
suppository. That's it.

I've got to find another job.

You could always go back to sitting
behind a chicken wire fence and letting

stroke your back.

Hey, Scott.

Hey, Drew. Can I talk to you for a
second? Sure. You're the boss. It all

the same.

Listen, I told Trailer we were out
drinking last night, so I'd appreciate

you'd play along.

Oh, man.

I don't know. That kind of puts me in an
awkward position. I mean, I don't want

to get between you and Trailer.

Come on, man. Just this once.

Yeah, but, I mean, isn't there something
else I can do for you? Like, maybe if

you have a sick animal, like, I could
put things in its bottom.

I really need your help here, man. If
Trailer finds out what's going on, I am

totally screwed.

Well, if you're seeing someone else, why
don't you just break up with her?

Can't do that.

I love her.

Well, then, why don't you stop cheating
on her?

I love her too much to make her do the
things I need to have done.

but I'm afraid to clarify that.

Look, do it just this once, and you can
watch the Browns game this Sunday from

the corporate luxury box.

Oh, man, I just don't know.

Drew, you two had a pretty good time
last night.

Scott came home late and hammered.

You should have seen what happened at
the bar. It was hysterical.

Tell her, Drew.

This is amazing. I can't believe they
gave you complimentary binoculars.

Yeah, you can almost see the laces on
the ball.

Kind of cold out there.

Led them by the gymnast stretching out
for the halftime show.

Okay, you're done with those.

Attention, peasants!

It's the middle of the second quarter.

Better start lining up to buy your six
dollars.

With Drug Co., that's the
pharmaceutical.

Yeah, I've heard of them.

What do you do there?

They call me the janitor.

When the money boys mess things up, I
come in and mop it up.

You have a name?

Anna. Okay.

Tell me on Anna.

You've got 30 seconds.

You're an ass.

Oh, 28 seconds is fair.

Take that by an eight. See you there.

That is the...

nicest stadium bathroom I've ever been
in.

It's so clean, and there's no trough.

With nobody eyeing my junk, I was able
to go like that.

Drew, this is so amazing. I've never
been through a place like this before.

Daryl certainly never brought me to a
place this nice.

You know, by the way, always feel free
to tell me how much better I am than

ex -husband.

At least for one day, I get to be like a
rich person.

i feel like cinderella only plastered
instead of losing my shoe i'll just

throw up in my purse later you know what
i'm just gonna take my cell phone back

you must be doing really well at work if
they're giving you perks like this i am

so proud of you yeah well why wouldn't
you be it's not like i did anything bad

you know i did something good

Excuse me.

Hey.

I'm starting to feel guilty about what I
did to get this box. I mean, I

shouldn't. All I did was lie to somebody
to cover an affair.

Scott and Traylor aren't exactly saints.
It's not like you're trying to save

Donny Marie's marriage here.

Oswald, they're, uh, they're brother and
sister.

Good thing they broke up before they had
kids, huh?

Here you go, Mimi.

Okay, bye now. Hey, what's your hurry?
I've hardly seen you this whole week.

So busy taking care of Trailer's stupid
cat.

Spent my lunch trying to give it an
insulin shot without getting my eyes

scratched out.

Well, Mimi, you don't have to take that.

I'm not.

I got a job interview tomorrow.

And until I get something else, I'm
putting a cat suppository in every

cappuccino I serve Trailer.

Hey, glad I caught you.

Trailer wanted me to give you this. It's
a sulfur bath for Lulu's sores and

lesions.

Hey, you.

Hey. You know, I have been thinking a
lot about you, and what a great time I

last night, but...

I always have a good time with you, no
matter where we go. Oh, me too. Yeah.

So anyway, I want to give you something.

It's the key to my apartment.

Wow. Well, in that case, I want to give
you the key to my place.

Yeah. Next time you're over, just, you
know, get the spare from underneath the

fake rock by the front door there.

Maybe it would be more of a gesture if I
just gave you mine here. So you don't

have to root around in the bushes.

Yeah.

All right. That's great. It's like my
place is your place and your place is my

place.

But don't look at the box marked rags.
It's in the top shelf of my closet.

Okay.

And don't look at the second drawer of
my dresser. Deal. Deal.

Drew, this weekend is my parents'
anniversary, and we're going to take

to dinner. Right.

Something nice. Prime rib!

Yeah,

kind of make up for that coupon fiasco
we had at the yogurt shop.

I was thinking, is there any way that
you could get Scott to give you that

luxury box again? You know, my parents
are huge Browns fans, and you would just

be the biggest hero if you could treat
them to something like this once in

lives. I'm so sorry. That was just kind
of a one -time thing.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, honey, I understand.

You know, dinner will be great. Darn
right it will.

Prime rib! And I'm not using any coupons
this time. No way.

But we have to be there before five, and
I'm going to have to borrow your

father's I .D. briefly.

Check it out.

Kelly and I just exchanged keys. That's
good, right? Yeah, that's great.

Wow, that's a big step.

I'm guessing there's one drawer you're
not supposed to open, right?

Yeah, how'd you know?

All girls have one.

And don't open it. There's something in
there you can't live up to.

Hey, Joe, can I talk to you for a
second? Sure. You're the boss, so it

same.

Okay, I need another favor.

If Trailer asks, we were at the batting
cages tonight.

Sure, you know, that's great, because I
could really use the luxury box for the

Browns game coming up.

You got it. Fantastic.

Oh, one more thing. I need to use your
house to have sex in.

Ah, but boy, you know, I don't know. My
little nephew lives with me, and even if

he didn't, Mimi's there, and, you know,
she's kind of an erection scarecrow.

Well, too bad.

Oh, you know, I already promised a
luxury box to Ed Flanagan.

Who's Ed Flanagan?

Eh, just a guy.

A guy with a house?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

There's got to be something else I can
do for you.

I don't think so.

All right, fine.

Wait, wait.

What did an apartment do?

Yeah, sure, where is it?

It's upstairs. It's Kelly's apartment,
so we have to have some rules.

Stay out of the bed.

Got it.

And you have to be gone by 11, and no
sex on any eating surfaces.

Great, tub and couch it is.

I said no weeding surfaces.

Oh, I'm exhausted.

What time is it?

Well, it's after 11.

That's all I know.

Hey, Lewis.

Hey, Kelly.

Well, thanks for dinner and the movie
and bowling.

Sure. And the pie and coffee. My
pleasure.

And taking me to the bookstore. Yeah.

And to the docks to watch them unload
the ships. That was great.

Okay, I'm going to go upstairs and go to
bed.

No, no, no.

I'm sorry. I'm exhausted. I worked all
day. That's very sweet.

But we bowled four games and my feet are
killing me. You know what's great for

tired feet?

Dancing.

Dancing? You hate dancing.

That's only because we haven't picked
our song yet.

Am I shivvy or more?

You know, we shouldn't really rush
through a big decision like this.

I think we should go over to the jukebox
and look over to the other side.

True.

What the... A1.

Alone again next...

Are you sure?

Yes, Drew. It sums up everything that's
beautiful in our relationship.

Well, you know, it's not, you know,
officially our song until we dance to

My peppy says, son, you're going to
drive me to drinking if you don't stop

driving that hot, loud woman.

I hate this song. Can I...

Trailer

asks, I'm at a funeral.

Oh? Somebody in your family get poached?

Can't you show a little more respect?
I'm pretending to bury my aunt today.

So where are you really going?

Got a job interview.

I scheduled it over lunch.

If it runs over, just cover for me,
okay?

Mimi, I heard. I'm so sorry for your
loss.

Thank you. What time are the services?

Two o 'clock.

Perfect. Lulu has a three o 'clock bed
appointment. That gives you 45 minutes

grieve unless there's traffic.

Fine. If Lulu doesn't last till three,
I'll just chuck her in the hole with my

aunt.

Sure, I looked over your inventory
control report.

Nice work.

Thank you.

I was worried you wouldn't have, uh...
Time to get it done the way you and

have been staying out late every night.

Oh, well, no matter what happens in my
private life, I'm still a valuable and

productive employee.

Remember that.

No matter what else happens in this
crazy world we live in.

Okay.

So, uh, you and Scott must talk about a
lot of things. You know, relationships

and stuff.

We don't talk much. We usually just
brush each other's hair.

Now I hardly ever see him, and I miss
him.

Oh, really? I thought it was more of a,
you know, recreational and business

-oriented on your part.

It started out that way.

In the beginning, it was just cold and
calculating sex, and the next thing I

knew, I wanted to cuddle and make him a
green bean casserole with those cute

little crunchy onions on the top.

Yeah, well, maybe he's just taking a
breather. Boy, I gotta go to the

Had to go to the bathroom before you
came up.

What does she want? Does she know
anything?

No, but she's a person with feelings.

You didn't tell me that before I agreed
to help you.

Now, look, man, I am out.

I'm out.

I want Kelly's key back. I don't care if
I do get to take her folks out of the

luxury box.

All right. Guess I have to respect that.

You know, you've really been there for
me, man.

Go ahead and take her parents through
the box anyway.

Really? I don't have to help you out
with any of the other six remaining

sins?

No, just enjoy.

Thanks again.

Thanks, man. Hey, I think I should tell
you that a trailer may have some real

feelings for you.

Really? I started to think that she was
just using me, but if she really cares,

maybe I can lure her into a threesome.

Well, most therapists agree that can
only strengthen a relationship.

So, tell me why you think you'd be a
good fit for a pediatrician's office.

I've worked as an office manager, so I'm
very organized.

Plus, I have a five -year -old son, so
I'm good with kids.

And I'm very sensitive to all kinds of
suffering.

Uh -huh.

All right, then tell me about your
computer skills.

I'm very comfortable with most
operating... Forgive me, Doctor.

I think you left this in the bathroom.

Oh.

Yes, I did. What a silly mistake.

Really? Because it was wedged pretty
tight behind the toilet.

Thank you so much for returning Lulu to
me.

Well, I'm so sorry, Lulu. You've had
quite an adventure, haven't you? Oh, my

boss is Kat.

I'm watching it because she knows that I
will shower it with love and

compassion.

Now, are you comfortable handling a
large volume of phone calls?

I've worked as a secretary, so I have
excellent phone skills.

And I'm fluent in...

most spreadsheets and scheduling
programs.

Now, now, Lulu, everything's going to be
fine, honey.

Uh, we, uh, we use QuickBooks for
billing here. Are you familiar

with that particular program?

You just injected that cat full of air.

Yeah, kind of forgot the medicine,
didn't I?

Well, you know, maybe it'll work anyway
on, like, the placebo effect.

No, no, no, no, I think you killed that
cat.

Huh.

Yeah, you might be right.

You know, it goes without saying, but
I'm going to say it anyway. I would

ever inject the children here. with air.

That was great.

Did you see my dad lean over and kiss my
mom after the Browns scored that

touchdown? And he wasn't even drunk.

I like how when your mom put that giant
shrimp in her purse to take home and

show people.

fetish where a boss gets his kicks out
of breaking into his employee's

girlfriend's apartment and having sex.

How did they get in?

I don't know.

I didn't see the whole show. I fell
asleep in the middle.

Hi.

Get out of my apartment.

Go.

Wasn't that great when your mom called
your aunt on the cell phone to talk

the size of those giant shrimp?

Don't be mad at Joe. He didn't know I
made a copy of your key.

I'm sorry.

You gave Scott the key that I gave you?

I'm sorry.

Okay, I get it.

You let me use the luxury box because
you know it would be gone and you could

come back here and use the apartment.

I don't believe you. I trusted you,
Drew, and you turned my apartment into a

whorehouse.

I know this is awkward bringing this up
now, but if Trailer asks, we were

fishing. I know

this is awkward to hear now, but I did
this all for you.

each other's likes and dislikes. And,
you know, you clearly don't like this,

I won't do it again.

Could you pass the ultimate love test?

A brand new episode is next.

Hey, guys.

Hey. Hey, I got your new bed all set up
and got your drinks dry cleaned here.

Changed all the locks.

Repainted your whole bedroom.

Thank you, Drew.

Sit down. You can catch the end of the
game.

But... Did you wax my car?

Well, sweetie, you didn't really say
anything about waxing your car.

I just thought you might want to, you
know, to make up for the giant

betrayal and all.

I don't know.

I'm thinking two weeks or so.

But the problem is I'm running out of
things for him to do.

Yeah, we got rat traps going off in the
attic like machine guns. We could use

someone to clear those out.