Original subtitles

Pass it, Oswald, pass it! Stop, I can't listen and play at the same time!

Woo -hoo!

Yes! One point to go. Get ready to look it up, losers!

Nothing personal, sir. I kick everybody when they're down. It's my move.

Mimi, you have to forget about winning and losing. It's all about the journey.

Ha! The loser bell!

That was great, man. I thought I was bad at this game. Turns out the problem was

him.

Okay, okay.

Let's play again. I want to be on Evan's team.

No, there's no way.

The boss and I are partners. We're foos buddies, right?

That's right, Drew.

There's a connection here. I think we were foosball partners in another life.

Yeah, maybe ancient Rome.

That wasn't me.

We have a meeting with our investors.

Time to put on the suit.

Oh, man, I hate my suit. I started my own company so I wouldn't have to wear

Look, rich old white men don't give millions of dollars to someone who looks

like they just wandered out of a head shop.

Scott, a necktie is a noose. It chokes your soul.

Hey, your soul gets used to it.

Hey, Mimi.

Here's something I bet you haven't heard since your roadie days. I'll take you

both on.

Stop playing this stupid game.

This is ridiculous. Lunch ended 15 minutes ago.

Yeah, we're just going to play one more game. Well, play on your own time. It's

time to get back to work.

What? Hey, the diet made you bars.

I'm above you.

You're only above me in income, education, and life expectancy.

Oh, maybe you're right. I guess there's no harm in a little extra playtime. I

mean, all the other Internet companies do.

Oh, wait, they're dead.

Do you still hear him screeching bag of bones?

On the height -weight chart, I am clearly inside.

You know what? We need to stop doing this. We have to agree. Blah -biddy

-biddy -blah.

You know, Evan.

And my friend put the cruise ball table in here to increase morale.

And he's the boss. So what are you going to do?

Well, he is part of the problem.

Oh, you better watch it. He's going to hear that as soon as I repeat it to him.

I think nothing can happen to you.

Well, you're wrong.

Just because you have one of the bosses in your pocket doesn't mean you can do

whatever you want.

Where is she heading off to?

You know, she's not going to lunch.

just to keep a job.

I gotta find my way through the hustle and bustle. Pounds of the city pounding

in my brain while another day goes down the drain.

But it's a five o 'clock world when the wind blows.

Go on, it's a piece of my time.

And there's a five o 'clock rain inside my clothes.

Had a full day of playing computer games and playing foosball.

I should go home and ice my wrists.

Won't that interfere with your plans for the evening?

No,

because I have a girlfriend.

Why? What are you going to do? Go home and eat a dinner for one and then hang

yourself in front of your cat?

You know who'd appreciate your wig?

Your poverty -stricken bus friend.

Shows how much you know, because they don't get me at all.

and that movie starts in 20 minutes.

I'm ready.

Trailer, somebody told me you were upset about the foosball table.

Negativity is not the answer.

Don't tear down.

Fill it up.

Pick up a hammer.

Make a difference.

Go, Drew.

Give me a hammer. I'll make a difference.

Can I talk to you for a second? Sure. What's on your mind?

I just wanted to see how you were doing.

I'm doing fine.

Why do you ask?

Well, because, um, while everybody's out there playing games, I know how you're

busting your butt to keep this place afloat.

Well, you know, I believe in a strong work ethic and all of my self -worth is

tied up in my expensive things.

Oh, hey, me too.

Just, um, you know, it makes me mad that Evan gets to be everybody's best friend

and... You have to be the grown -up who makes all the hard decisions.

That's just the way Evan's built.

Yeah,

well... I like the way you're built.

Oh.

Uh, you know, um... Evan's going on another retreat.

Oh, yeah? How long do I have?

What? How long is he going for?

Ten days.

Well, again, if you need anything...

Anything at all.

Okay.

Um... So, uh, what are you working on?

Monthly sales figures.

Oh, wow.

Gross sales are way down.

Smells like strawberry.

No, no, no. Don't be sorry. It's fine.

You know...

What if we ran a promo for free shipping, and then we made up for it

handling fees?

Handling fees?

I like it, because what are handling fees? Nobody knows. That's the beauty of

it.

I was going to pay a homeless guy to set the warehouse on fire and collect the

insurance, but this is a much better idea.

I mean, I like a man who takes action. Me too.

I mean, you can't get the peaches unless you shake the tree.

Oh, trust me.

The peaches are worth it.

How'd your date go with Evan? It wasn't a date.

Gee, just because you have dinner and a movie with a guy doesn't mean you're on

a date.

Well, I hope you gave it up, because we need an air hockey table in the break

room.

Hey.

Oh, no, no.

I'm watching your brother and sister kiss.

I didn't like it then, I don't like it now.

Drew and I, we've been meaning to talk to you.

We're a new couple. So we are going to need some alone time. But you guys are

very important to us.

Well, you're important to us.

That's why I have to tell you this.

You're holding my scratch in hand.

Me too.

Oh!

Oh, wow.

Hey, how come every time I try to grow a mustache thin and wispy, hers is all

thick and lustrous?

It's that mean.

Who is that?

Annabelle, she's the new cook, and she's very nice.

Yeah, I guess she'd have to be.

Sorry, it's me. Sure, she can't help it. She was, you know, born that way.

A million years ago, before she was frozen on ice and found by villagers in

mountains of Italy.

Shh, she may have keener hearing than we do.

What was that about? Is there something going on between you two?

Actually, we've been out a few times.

It's very nice. We enjoy each other's company.

So, is it serious?

Well, so far we're just taking it slow, you know, just holding hands. She's a

good Catholic girl. I do want to take advantage of her.

Small pepperoni pizza for you.

And a small pepperoni pizza for me.

Thank you.

You don't want to take advantage of her, huh?

Hey, I meant sexually because... Well... You're leading

her on.

You know what? She gets a little self -esteem. I get a little free food.

There's nothing wrong with that. All relationships are based on give and

huh?

That's a small price to pay.

Well, well, well.

Look who's here.

I guess I could go over there and gloat, but...

Drew Carey's a bigger man than that.

You want me to have Fuzzy Wuzzy make her up a nice pizza?

Hey, listen.

I just want to say I'm sorry I told Evan on you, but you were kind of a

buzzkill. So maybe next time you won't overstep your authority and start

around with your co -workers.

Lesson learned.

Hey, Drew.

Hey, Scott.

Hey, honey.

This is where you need a time machine.

Hey, are they taking the foosball table?

Stop talking to me. It would be like an unscheduled break.

Good morning, Drew.

Gus made some policy changes, some of which he agrees with.

You have to be in at eight now?

Oh, that's at your desk working at eight.

No more overtime?

Only 30 -minute lunches?

I'm almost supposed to get to a barn back in 30 minutes.

Who's those guys?

They're mentoring for the cubicles.

Guess what trailer pulled after you left?

She replaced the full -spectrum light bulbs with fluorescents.

I'm going to have to get all new makeup.

Yeah, make sure you get some primer. You don't want that stuff to bleed through.

If she does one more thing at work, I swear I'm going to snap.

Yeah? Get ready to snap. Get this.

She had him take all the doors off the bathroom stalls.

Now I can't nap in there anymore, but I can put the faces to the noises, and

it's not good.

Here you go, honey. Here's your leftovers.

It's really good to see you tonight.

Yeah, it was fun.

So, uh... So... Lunch tomorrow?

Um, will you guys excuse me for a second? I think Annabelle needs my help.

Uh, Annabelle, can I just talk to you for a minute?

Sure.

Um, I noticed that Louis has been spending a lot of time with you.

Getting kind of serious, huh?

Yeah, I guess. I don't know.

He's my first boyfriend.

No kidding.

Hey, Lewis is the first guy who ever paid any attention to me.

You know what?

We could have a girl day.

We could go to the spa and get our nails done and then have him pour hot wax on

us and rip out everything by the roots that doesn't belong.

Doesn't that hurt?

I'm not going to lie.

It feels fantastic.

If we wait until Evan gets back from that stupid retreat, she'll have crawled

all the way up Scott's ass, and she's going to be wearing him like a suit.

I know what the problem is. The question is, what are you going to do about it?

All right.

I'll find Evan and I'll talk to him.

Evan.

Hey, Evan.

I'm far away.

Give me a minute to come back.

Is there a vending machine around here where I can get a soda or something?

Hello, Drew.

Why are you here?

There's a problem at work.

It'll resolve itself if the universe intends.

Traylor's having sex with Scott.

Really?

Yeah, she's got him wrapped around a little finger. They...

Took the foosball table away. There's no more flex time.

They're talking about putting in cubicles.

I'll fix it when I get back.

There's no time.

They took the doors off the bathroom stalls. I made eye contact with an old

in the john today.

I couldn't look away.

You need to relax.

Here.

Sit with me.

Close your eyes.

Clear your mind.

I can't close my eyes. I keep seeing the old man.

Look, if you don't get back to the office, Trailer is going to force you

your own company.

Drew, Scott's my brother. He's my partner.

He would never toss me aside for a woman.

He's a computer geek. He's having sex with a beautiful blonde.

If she wanted your kidney for a paperweight, you'd wake up in a bathtub

ice.

Drew, can we talk about this later? I haven't had anything but tea for 48

And to think I'm dying.

No, look.

They're going to destroy everything you work for.

Don't you see? You can't meditate your problems away.

Sometimes you have to stand up, you know?

Stand up and fight for what you believe in.

So you mean like in Lord of the Rings?

Maybe.

Because it sounds like when Frodo decided to fight the power of the

Yes, yes, it's exactly like Lord of the Rings.

So I need to be strong and carry the burden of the ring into the darkness of

Mordor.

We'll get you a sandwich.

Hey, Annabelle, let's rattle some pans in there. Daddy's hungry.

Hey, you know, the way you're leading Annabelle on, you're eventually going to

have to pop the question, will she cook for both of us?

Here you go, sweetie.

Holy crap, you've done something to your hair.

You like it? I said holy crap, didn't I?

Yep, we had a day of beauty.

And night.

Part of the next morning.

Wow, well, you look so pretty.

I bet you can swim faster, too.

Could you excuse us for a moment?

Wow.

Wow, you really look beautiful. I feel like I'm seeing you for the first time.

Oh, Lewis, I didn't think... I would have noticed. I would have noticed from

airplane.

You're so sweet.

You know, up until now, we've been taking it kind of slow, but I think it's

for us to take it to the next level.

Sexual intercourse.

Would the lady care to accompany me to the back seat of her car?

So now that I look like this, you want to have sex with me?

Oh, yeah. You can reheat the pizza when we're done.

It's garbage.

You know, before I was only good enough to cook for you, but now that I have two

eyebrows, everything's different.

Oh, no, it wasn't just the eyebrows. It was the whole monkey mask thing.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

Excuse me.

Actually, maybe I deserve that, all right?

But you know what? This is our first fight, huh?

We can get past this.

What do you say we start over, huh?

You know, with all that hair on your face, I never really noticed what a nice

can you have.

Did you see her go? She really does move a lot faster without all that hair.

How long has Evan been in there talking to Scott?

A while.

I hope he sticks to his guns, because I heard that Scott is going to stop us

from making personal calls at the office, which is basically my long

plan.

Well, everything worked out, Drew.

Great. Yep, I quit. I'm leaving the company.

Well... What happened to fighting the Nazis with ringworm and entering the

darkness on a moped?

Trailer, I know this is sudden, but would you make me the happiest CEO in

world and be my vice president?

I'd be honored.

Every little girl dreams of the day she takes over a company.

Well, you wouldn't actually be taking over. Whatever.

What have you done to us, you simple -minded hippie?

Hey, it's cool, Drew.

Got you covered. I'm starting my own company and I'm taking you with me.

Really? Yeah.

It's going to be a place where employees work in a nurturing, positive

environment.

Oh, I'm into that.

First, hey, Scott, kiss my crack, you spineless yuppie dork.

And you, Yoko, I'd tell you to bite me, but I don't want to ruin your appetite

for your daily raisin.

I pinpricked your condoms. Good luck.

The new beginnings.

So tell us about the new job.

Well, we're going to teach computer skills to Native Americans on the

reservations of the Southwest.

Say what?

Is this a government scam or something? How are we going to get paid? No, no,

we'll get paid. Some of the Native Americans will pay us in vegetables.

Some with turquoise jewelry.

Some with just a smile.

Say what?

Yeah, see, here's the thing.

The bank that I pay my mortgage to, they don't take smile.

How the hell are we going to get money to pay our bills?

Well, I'm going to get a lot of mine from selling my half of the company to

Scott. And you're going to pay us out of that?

No, if I give you money, I won't be able to help the Indians.

Isn't that what we're trying to do here?

No. No. As a matter of fact, right now, I'm trying to figure out a way to get my

job back.

So you guys don't want to work for free and help Native Americans?

No.

Oh.

Now I feel bad about it.

Well, I tell you what.

I'll tell Scott that I won't make the deal with him unless they rehire you

That'll be okay, right?

I mean, you know, just because you tell your boss to kiss your crack...

He knows that's business. It's not personal.

Yeah, and so Scott got VD and Traylor got pregnant. We'll just all look back

it and laugh.

Oh, it's midnight.

I want to punch out.

This whole area is wax, so don't walk on it for an hour.

Yeah, hey, I'm really sorry about the eye contact in the john earlier.

The floor wax smells toxic.

Do you think it's going to kill us?

Yeah. As a matter of fact, I'm counting on it.