All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s08e24 What Screams May Come.eng

Well, this is it.

I know it's not a big southern mansion,
but believe it or not, this is the

oldest house on the block.

Aw. Yep.

This used to be a model home.

Well, I think it's charming and sweet,
like you.

Oh.

Aw.

Well, I'll take your bags upstairs, Miss
Lily. I assume after your long journey

from New Orleans, you two will be
wanting sex.

Well, thank you, Oswald.

You're very special.

We have one of him in my neighborhood,
so I'm comfortable around him.

I'm still feeling a little guilty about
leaving Lewis in New Orleans. Maybe we

should have waited a couple days till he
got out of jail.

No, let him take the bus.

Warn him about getting an alligator
drunk. Let him serve his time in jail.

Okay, who's up for dinner? Oh, please,
I'm famished. You know what? Why don't

you go up with Oswald and unpack your
stuff, and I'll make you some of Drew

Carey's famous hard -boiled egg and
beer.

Oh, you're going to love this.

He puts all the ingredients in a blender
and serves it like a smoothie.

He got the recipe from an alcoholic
chicken farmer.

See, I got eggs, beer.

Man, I hope I remember how to make this.

So, what do you think of Lily?

Oh, you mean your little souvenir from
our New Orleans trip? Yeah, she seems

very nice.

Wow. What the hell is that supposed to
mean?

I'm just saying, Drew, you barely know
this woman, and she's moving into your

house. Yeah, well, you know what? I've
been overthinking things my whole life.

Now I'm going by the seat of my pants.
I'm going with my gut. I'm flying with

the force.

Well, that's good. See, I was afraid you
weren't being mature about this, but I

feel much better now that you compared
yourself to Luke Skywalker.

Hey, you know I had a deadline to get
married. What are you getting so worked

for? Oh, yeah, like I'm getting all
worked up, Drew Carey, because I've got

hot... for you. Is that what you're
getting at?

Uh, no.

Oh, yeah.

Well, look who's getting all worked up
now, huh?

Drew, all I am saying is most people,
they know each other for a couple of

months before they move in together, not
a couple of days.

So I don't know her that well. I'll get
to know her as time goes on. It'll be

fun.

Every day's a new adventure.

Thank you.

Morning, honey.

Morning. What you making?

Fried egg and toast.

Oh, could I get that in a blender with a
little beer in it?

Wow, you're great. You're always
depriving me.

Like last night when you were screaming
bloody murder in your sleep.

No.

Did that again?

Really thought I had that screaming
under control.

I have a dog whose tail went white
overnight and begged a dipper.

So,

What's the deal with that?

Well, usually it's my body sending me a
message.

Like I'm sick or I'm stressed out or
I've done something I regret.

Oh.

Oh, Drew, it was my first night in a new
place.

I'm sure it's not you.

Trust me, I'm glad I'm here.

Thanks.

Hey, maybe later on I'll show her around
outside.

Yeah, I got a brewery in the garage.

A brewery?

Yeah. You're with a guy who likes beer
so much, he bruises himself.

I know what you're thinking.

Jackpot.

You can't sneak up on somebody like
that.

Well, don't yell at me. I didn't do
anything wrong. Normal people just turn

around when you tap them on the
shoulder.

Stop!

You can't approach her from upwind. They
have ten times the sense of smell that

humans have.

I'm a little jumpy because Lily's still
screaming.

Wow, man, that's three nights in a row.
Are you going to talk to her about it? I

can't. If I tell her she's still
screaming, she's going to freak out and

back to New Orleans.

Well, Drew, if there is something wrong,
you can tell me about it.

I can't give you any useful advice, but
I can look concerned.

Stop it.

I'm just losing a little sleep.

But she's screaming like I put her in
the pit from Silence of the Lambs.

I see.

You know, I have a supervisor who's
always yakking in my ears about

safety procedures.

I solved the problem with these.

Earplugs? Yep. Now I just look at his
mouth move and pretend he's saying, good

job, Oswald.

Hey, Mimi, you ever wear earplugs when
you go to sleep?

Why would I wear earplugs?

For when Steve rolls over at night and
sees your scaly back glistening in the

moonlight and howls in terror.

Yeah, look in your pants. You'll see
something that'll make you howl.

So you want to do your plugs?

No, I'm just going to have to tell her
the truth and hope she doesn't freak out

on me.

Well, my dad always said honesty is the
best policy.

How'd you do that anyway? Is he still in
prison?

Yep, he just got ten years added to his
sentence for stabbing the warden with a

comb.

It was supposed to be 15, but they went
easy on him, and you know why?

Because he told the truth.

No, the warden tried to rape him.

Hey, Drew, you want to make a little
overtime tonight?

Uh, can you get somebody else this time?
I have a girlfriend just moved in with

me. I want to spend some time with her.

Drew, if you don't want to do it, just
tell us.

You don't have to make up some
outlandish story.

No, no, really, I really have a
girlfriend living with me.

Well, I'm happy for you, Drew.

even though I'm in a totally different
place right now.

He became voluntarily celibate three
months ago so he could learn more about

himself.

And it's been an incredibly positive
experience.

Although I am a little testy. I punched
a guy in the elevator.

I didn't like his hat.

So how long have you been seeing this
girl, Drew?

Only a couple days. I really like to get
home early nights so we can talk.

Well, good for you, Drew, because like
our family therapist says, if you don't

discuss things, they just fester.

Like our sharing of the housework
discussion.

That's right.

See, we sat down and we talked about it,
and now when I use a pot, I don't just

fill it with water and let it soak.

Because that's not cleaning it.

See, you expressed that to me several
times already, Scott.

Well, I had to, Evan. You couldn't hear
me because you were too busy listening

to your aura.

You fake Buddhist hippie. I am not fake.

No one is more Zen than me, and you're
about to get an authentic Buddhist ass

-kicking.

That's being funny.

beat the crap out of me last night.

Oh, my God. You guys are fighting?

No, no. It was an accident. It's not her
fault. She's a good woman.

You pack your bags, Drew Carey. We're
going to take you to a safe place where

they hide women... men like you.

No, you don't get it. She does it in her
sleep.

Look, I've been researching it on the
Internet.

They don't even know they're doing it.

Oh, what a great idea. I have to
remember this the next time I get

You just don't spread it around.

I don't want to see it in any of your
secret woman's newsletters, which I

prove exist, but I know they're out
there.

Hey, Kelly.

Hey, Drew, I got your makeup.

Ah,

I thought I'd do the trick, huh? Yeah,
good.

I asked the girl at the makeup counter
for the best stuff to cover up bruises.

I think she liked me, too, because she
followed me out to the parking lot and

wrote down my license plate number.

It's just to cover the bruises so Lily
doesn't get suspicious. Hey.

I believe there was a free gift with
purchase.

Oh, yeah.

I forgot.

Here's your eye lift revitalizing cream.

Thank you.

You know, Drew, you can't keep ignoring
this problem.

She could break your nose or something.

Oh, yeah. I was worried about that, too.

That's why I picked these up for you.

When you go to sleep, comfort of the
bed, no more bruises.

Tell you what I'm going to do. All
right.

I'm going to see if I can think of a
stupider idea than your idea.

And if I can't, then I'll consider your
stupid idea.

That's all I can ask.

This is interesting.

What's that? Look, it says here that
punching in your sleep is often caused

built -up resentment.

Well, that's crazy. Why would Lily
resent me?

Because she's totally given up control
of her life, Drew.

She's left her job, her friends,
everything for you.

What have you given up for her?

I've given up time with my dog, long
walks with my dog, sleeping with my dog.

If anybody should be beating the crap
out of me at night, it should be my dog.

All right, what should I do?

Well, you can start by giving her some
control over her life. You know, let her

make some decisions around here.

Good. I'm tired of making all the big
decisions.

What big decisions? Shut up.

Morning, y 'all.

Morning. Hey.

Morning, honey.

How you doing?

Goodness gracious, what happened to your
face?

Oh, I fell down jogging, walking,
drinking.

You poor thing. You want me to get you
some ice for that?

Yeah, you know what? I'm way over my
head here.

Why don't you be in charge of the ice
decisions from now on?

I'll just get you some ice. Good for
you.

You're in charge of the ice here, okay?
You're the boss. Boss of the ice.

You're the new vice president of ice.

Hey, I thought I was vice president of
ice.

Oh, my God.

What kind of sick stuff are you into?

Excuse me.

Do you know where Drew Carey is?

Pig's in a meeting. He'll be back in
five minutes.

Good.

Oh, you must be Mimi, his sister -in
-law. I'm Lily. So nice to meet you.

Oh, he really hates you.

Really? He still hates me?

Oh, yeah, more now than the day he met
you.

Well, would it kill him to tell me that
once in a while?

Mimi, you obviously know Drew very well.

Do you think it would be fair to say,
how do I put this, that he likes to be

hurt?

Yeah, sure seems like it. World keeps
kicking him in the nads and the big

won't put on a cup.

He's a glutton for punishment.

Human, whipping post, town punching bag.

Anyway, congratulations on your catch.
You snagged an old boot.

Boy, I was afraid of this.

Afraid of what?

I think Drew's into S &M.

Well, if by S &M you mean that he's into
sadness and masturbation, then yeah.

and bloody with handcuffs.

Break up with him. He's a sicko.

But if you decide to stick it out,
there's a store downtown called Marquis

Suede. Tell them Mimi sent you. They'll
give you 10 % off.

Hey, honey.

Sorry I'm running late.

Due to her report, the bosses really
slapped me around.

You said still trembling with joy.

That's the best you got.

Come on, Mimi, bring the pain.

Hey, I'll be right with you. I'll just
flip through this thing and we'll go to

lunch. Oh, honey, can we talk for a
minute first?

Sure, anything you want. Like I told
you, from now on, you're the boss.

You're the master, I'm the servant.

Yeah, about that.

Listen, we've only known each other a
week, and it's just so much we don't

about each other.

I think if one of us is into something
the other one should know about, we

should just let it out.

All right, you go first.

Okay.

Well, I think you should know that I'm
into candles, incense, kind of a Stevie

Nicks, sexy witch kind of thing in the
bedroom.

Hey, man, whatever games you've got to
play to have sex with me, you go right

ahead and play them.

Okay, now how about you? Anything you
want to tell me?

Anything? Anything.

Well, I'll tell you what I'm into.

I'm into making you happy.

I figured that. I want to make you
happy, too.

But I want to make you happy more.

I want to make you so happy it hurts.

That's what I've been hearing.

Honey,

I'm home.

Hey, I thought we'd go bowling tonight.
There's a nice little...

Orleans, I usually wear just khakis and
a loose shirt.

Who's that you could talk, dirty man?

Ow.

Naughty boy.

Yeah, I'm a naughty boy. I wish I'd...
Ow!

Good. Lay down on your knees.

Wow. No idea you're into this stuff.

Oh, well, I'm into it.

Forgive me.

Lick my boots, you filthy maggot.

Do you mind if I put just a little
antibacterials? Do it!

All right.

Are you sure this is what you want?

Yes, slave.

But only because it's what you want.

But I only do it to make you happy.

Well, I'm only doing this to make you
happy. Yeah, but I'm not into licking

gross boot.

If we're not into this, why are we doing
this to each other?

I thought you were into this. You've
been coming home at night bruised with

handcuffs with some ridiculous story
about falling down drunk.

Okay, let me tell you the truth.

You just don't scream in your sleep,
okay? You punch, you kick, and you bite.

And I always wanted to die in my sleep,
but not like this.

to lose you. I thought, you know, you'd
be taking it as a sign that you made a

mistake by moving in with me.

Well, I have to admit, I was a little
nervous about rushing into things.

But if you're the kind of guy that put
up with a week of beatings for me, then

think we got something really good here.

Look what you did for me. You whipped me
and tried to make me lick your boots.

lot worse because I really care about
you, Drew.

Oh, Lily.

Oh, oh, oh, Winnie Boo.

Well, we're going to go bowling. I guess
that should change.

Yeah.

Bowling.

Boy,

it seems like a million years ago I was
interested in bowling.

Thurston, I could use a cold, icy glass
of water.

Allow me.

Drew put me back in charge of the ice.

There we are.

Oh,

don't touch.

Hey, do you have a lemon for this?

I'm sorry, Lewis is in charge of lemon.

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