All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s08e20 Lewis You Can Drive My Car

Well,

it's kind of crowded today.

And old.

I hate old people.

Yeah, but you're, uh... What's the deal?

They canceled the senior shuttle to the
mall.

Now all these bags of bones got to take
my bus.

Only good part is, they're so deaf you
can say any damn thing you want.

Watts.

Look me up, old folks.

Government's paid me to drive you all to
the woods and leave you there.

I never know when you're kidding around.

Watch it, punk.

Sorry, sir.

Get out of my way.

I'd like to see the road.

Didn't you see when you were a builder?

What?

I made a joke about... your advanced
age, sir.

Ooh, there's room for another person
here.

Have a seat, young man.

Thank you.

You look like my son, Ronald.

May I call you Ronald?

Yes, ma 'am.

Why do you steal from me, Ronald?

I eat dog food and you and your crowd
want flippin' luxury.

So, this is Ronald.

The word is the company did so well this
Christmas, we're going to get bonuses

today. Really?

How'd you find out?

I'm a people person.

I like to read people's mail and listen
to people's calls.

Terrible. It's terrible.

No wonder your birth mother doesn't have
any interest in meeting you.

She doesn't?

How do you know that?

But yes, Mimi, we do have a little
something for everyone to thank you for

hard work during the holiday season.

Thanks for your support, Mimi.

Happy New Year.

What the hell is this?

It's a big clothes pin. See, it says
NeverEndingStore .com on it.

I thought I was going to get cash. I
need a new washer and dryer.

We're a young company.

It's the best we can do.

Yeah, and who knows? Maybe someday
you'll pick this up.

And you'll say, never -ending store.

That was a nurturing place to be.

Yeah, well, maybe someday you'll pick it
up and say, this is all that's left of

never -ending store. We should have been
nicer to Mimi.

Hey, sorry I'm late. I got caned by an
old man on the bus and I missed my stop.

What's all this?

Ah, just a little something to thank you
for all your hard work.

Wow!

This is really cool. Somebody put a lot
of thought into this. Thank you, Drew.

Somebody gets it.

No, no, thank you. This guy can find a
lot of things to do with this.

Maybe you can use it to pin your lips to
his butt.

Hey, Drew, do you really take the bus?

Yeah. I had to sell my car when I was
unemployed, and I haven't saved up

to get another one.

Oh, that's terrible.

I mean, you're such a nice guy, and you
work so hard.

You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to give you my Rolls Royce.

Oh, I already got two of those. Can you
make it a Ferrari instead?

No, no, I'm serious.

I bought an old Rolls during the tech
boom, and I never got around to

it.

What, really?

A Rolls Royce? Yeah.

I mean, it's no big deal. It's 30 years
old. It needs a lot of work.

I was going to give it to charity for a
write -off, but you're just as sad as an

Appalachian family.

Not anymore.

Wait right here.

This is the crappiest bonus I ever got.

Oh, didn't they tell you? These are our
magic clothespins.

Yeah, you rub them and your wish comes
true. Here, watch.

I wish I had a Rolls Royce. I wish I had
a Rolls Royce. Here's the keys to your

Rolls, Drew.

Moon over, bring my love to me tonight.

Guide her to East Lake, underneath your
silvery light.

Get her past...

Shine on I -271 We can get together In
the warm light of

the sun We're going bowling So don't
lose your insolence

No, no for karma tonight

I also have a coupon for free fries.

Pardon me.

There's a man in Philadelphia who can
save my sight.

But I need 11 more dollars for the bus
trip. Could you help me, mister?

Uh, yeah. Sure, here you go.

Well, look at that.

Rockefeller here gave me a quarter.

Do I get to keep the whole thing, or
were you expecting change?

It's not what you think. Look, it's a
crappy old car. Somebody gave it to me.

Oh, so somebody gave you a Rolls Royce,
and I get a quarter. Now I understand.

Wow, two quarters.

They can put them over my eyes when I
freeze to death under the bridge.

Good, I'll come back for them.

How's your day, boys?

caught using the executive washroom.
Apparently, I'm good enough to clean it.

I'm just not good enough to take a nap
in.

Did you get in trouble?

Yeah, of course. They docked me a day's
pay. I got to work more overtime. And

all day long, the boss's kid rode me
around like a horsey.

Oh, my God. How humiliating. Yeah, for
both of us. He's 19.

I think they were punishing him for
something, too.

Hey. Hey, Drew. Hey. Give him a beer,
please.

Rough day?

Yeah.

I had a crappy ride on the bus this
morning. I made a mistake complaining

it to my boss.

What'd he do?

Give me a Rolls Royce.

We don't understand your story.

I know it sounds good on paper, but
having a Rolls isn't as great as you'd

think.

Wait a minute, you're serious? He gave
you a Rolls Royce?

Yeah, it's on the parking lot.

It's...

Can I touch it?

Uh, no.

Excuse me.

No, I mean, go ahead if you want to. You
might get dirty or cut yourself or

something.

I believe he actually gave this to you.

Yeah, well, you know, it's not as great
as you think.

First, I found out my insurance was
going to go up three times as much, and

going to cost $20 ,000 just to get it
fixed up.

Wow, you have to have a lot of money to
be rich.

Yeah, no kidding.

Plus, it just feels weird, you know? I
don't know.

People look at me funny like I'm a rich
snob or something.

Well, hey, if you hate it so much, why
don't we trade cars?

Oh, that wouldn't be fair. Your car's
worth a lot more than this thing is.

I don't care. It's a Rolls Royce.

Well, you know, I would be more
comfortable in your station wagon. Just,

know what else? It does feel weird
sitting in leather. It's like my ass is

getting all full of itself.

So it's a deal?

Yeah, sure.

It's a deal. Here's the keys to your
Rolls Royce.

Here's the keys to your car, huh?

Wow. I feel like Thurston Howell IV.

Well, well, look who's a half hour late.

Rude me, man.

That car's a piece of crap.

Yeah, we had to walk a mile in the
freezing cold.

I can have kids when I'm 70 because I
froze my damn eggs.

Yeah, you know, you might have told me
that when you said it pulls a little to

the left, it can also burst into flames.

Oh, it exploded?

My mechanic warned me it might do that.

You knew?

Hey, we should have got killed, man. I
want my car back.

You ripped me off.

Too late. I already put money into the
roll. Oh, yeah? Like what?

I now have half a Garfield sticking out
of the trunk.

one day and now it's worthless.

Oh. So I'm supposed to just give my
rolls back, huh? Same old story. Soak

rich.

Lewis, you're not rich.

Well, it won't be after you Bolsheviks
have had your way with me.

I'm keeping the car.

Give me the key. No. Give me the key.
No. No.

No. Don't fight. No. Don't fight.

Don't fight.

Let's drink. We're all happy when we
drink.

I think you should leave. You're
upsetting the boy.

I can't leave. I don't have a car.

Okay, fine. Then I'm leaving.

Boy, I can't believe you're willing to
risk our friendship over a stupid car.

You've really changed, Drew.

Bit of a surprise seeing you back here
after your so long suckers I got a Rolls

Royce speech.

I showed it up for an old station wagon.
It broke down.

Station wagon for a Rolls Royce, huh?

Hey, you want to trade what's in your
wallet for what's in my nose?

Uh, hey, can I ask you something?

If you had a friend and he screwed you
over, would you call him on it even if

meant he would never talk to you again?

I don't have any friends.

They screwed me over and I called them
on him.

Well, I've known this guy Louis since I
was in third grade. He'd all messed up

over a stupid car.

Yeah, it's none of my business, but are
you and this fellow lovers?

No.

What's all the fuss about?

That's the guy I was telling you about.
He's following me on purpose.

Could you open the door?

Hey, bus trash.

Look at me. I'm eating a parfait and a
Rolls Royce.

Oh.

Mmm, so rich.

So what?

We're having a party in here, ain't that
right, Tony?

Yep. And it wouldn't be a party without
a bill.

Talk about this later.

See you later, losers.

What a jacket.

I don't believe him.

He never used to be like this. I don't
know what to do.

Well, you know what I'd do if I were
you?

What's that?

Call your mommy. I'm driving a bus here.

Excuse me, sir. Sir.

Could I talk to you for a second?

What is it, Mimi?

I want to apologize. I was disrespectful
to you before you gave me a gift, and I

should have been more thankful.

Well, that's very nice to hear, Mimi.

Well, I mean it. I mean, you can't
measure the spirit of giving in dollars.

What? I should have been grateful even
if you gave me a stick of gum.

In fact, if you had given me a stick of
gum, I would have been more grateful,

because at least with a stick of gum, I
would have had three or four minutes of

pleasure, but I don't know what to do
with this chunk.

so I gave him a ride to work. Yeah,
Lewis was supposed to take me, but he

let me sit in the rolls.

Yeah, he says that Oswald's lineage is
littered with plowmen and deckhands.

Which is really stupid, because my
family is nothing but farmers and

That sucks.

You know what he did to me? He followed
my bus and ate a parfait.

How could a car change a guy so much?

Well, you better get used to it.

He's never getting rid of that thing.

You know, I'd like to take a baseball
bat to that stupid car.

Oh, man, that would be sweet.

Guys, you know, Lewis has been taking
crap from people his entire life, and

car is the one thing that makes him feel
a little special.

Okay, and so he's gone a little
overboard, but he'll get over it

I don't know. You know what? Before you
do anything, just let me talk to him. He

deserves that much.

I guess that kind of makes sense.

I guess.

Sure was looking forward to smashing
something up, though.

Why don't you take some of that energy
and use it to build a house for the

homeless or turn an empty field into a
baseball diamond for kids?

You want to go into the warehouse and
stab things with a forklift? Yeah.

Excuse me, is this your car?

Well, well.

is suddenly talking to the gawky geeky
guy.

The hideous horse -faced monster.

Yeah, I wonder if it has anything to do
with my Rolls Royce.

I just wanted to tell you that your
lights were on.

Hey, if you want to do it in a Rolls,
just ask.

Hey, Lewis.

I've been waiting for you.

Well, well.

is suddenly waiting for the geeky guy
with the rolls.

Yeah, about that.

Um, we all think that the car is
changing you.

You're darn right it is.

Before I got this baby, I wouldn't have
had the nerve to do donuts in my

principal's front lawn.

Or my old girlfriend's front lawn. Or
the guy who lives next door to her.

I don't even know him. It's just hard to
steer in wet grass.

It's finally my turn, and I'm going to
enjoy it, okay?

I'm going to go inside for a drink.

I'll give you a buck to keep an eye on
my car.

And get the other half when I come out.

Oh, and, uh, do up your shirt. I don't
want people to think I got a whore

watching my car.

He stole my car.

I was just thinking of just taking him
to court and, you know, getting it back

that way.

That could take forever. Yeah, by then,
he's not going to be friends with any of

us. Oh, and by the way, he called me a
whore.

You know what he called me? He called me
bus trash.

He called me stupid.

Yeah, well, anyway, he called Kelly a
whore.

Mind if I sit here?

It's a free buck.

So,

did they ever catch you over a trashed
car?

No.

That's a damn shame.

You know, it's a miracle there weren't
any witnesses.

And by miracle, I mean tragic.

Yeah, well, I've been thinking.

Maybe it was a sign. Maybe I wasn't
meant to have a Rolls Royce.

Yeah, well, you were being kind of an
ass.

Yeah, I know.

It was nice being an ass instead of a
toilet for once in my life.

Parfait?

I'll mind if I do.

Hey, look, I'm sorry about giving you an
exploding car. I just thought if I had

a Rolls, it might change my life.

That's all right.

By the way, just get over just a little
bit. The driver thinks we're lovers.

Look, if it means anything to you, I
wasn't having as much fun in that car as

looked like.

Really? No.

Because I couldn't share it with my
friends.

Because, you know, you're not worthy.

Ronald, do you eat parfaits while I eat
dog food?

Just ignore her.

How is drug code?

I got caught using the executive word.

Woosher?

This drug cult.