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1
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:16,860
Wow, I really admire her. I wish I could
go up on stage and do that.
2
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,150
You mean suck.
3
00:00:33,561 --> 00:00:38,389
Even if you're not great, who cares?
It's only karaoke.
4
00:00:38,390 --> 00:00:39,650
Give it a shot. It'll be fun.
5
00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:42,930
Yeah. You know what?
6
00:00:43,570 --> 00:00:44,620
Why not? Huh?
7
00:00:46,210 --> 00:00:50,269
You know, we tried music once to soothe
the animals with drug coke. Turns out
8
00:00:50,270 --> 00:00:52,830
scientists love to sing Broadway
showstoppers.
9
00:00:52,831 --> 00:00:56,909
We always love to rip the heads off of
scientists who sing Broadway
10
00:00:56,910 --> 00:00:57,960
showstoppers.
11
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,720
new sports bar. You guys should enter.
12
00:02:42,721 --> 00:02:45,799
Really? Yeah, I think you really got a
good shot at winning.
13
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:46,850
Well,
14
00:02:46,940 --> 00:02:50,599
it sounds like fun. You want to do it,
Drew? No, no. You should have your own
15
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:51,650
minutes of fame.
16
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:56,570
Don't trust me. I'll just freeze up
again if I go up there on stage by
17
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,920
Please. And look, they're giving away $1
,000.
18
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,020
Yeah, and the winner gets an Olympic
gold medal.
19
00:03:03,420 --> 00:03:07,499
What? Yeah. The owner of the bar
collects memorabilia and he's giving it
20
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:08,550
a publicity stunt.
21
00:03:08,660 --> 00:03:09,710
Oh.
22
00:03:11,030 --> 00:03:13,620
Who cares about winning some old metal,
huh, Drew?
23
00:03:14,210 --> 00:03:16,210
Hi, I'm Drew Carey, four -eyed loser.
24
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:19,300
I'm Drew Carey, Olympic gold medal
winner.
25
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:23,710
I like the second one best.
26
00:03:54,810 --> 00:03:57,230
Remember, remember, remember, remember.
27
00:03:57,850 --> 00:03:58,900
Faith!
28
00:04:04,030 --> 00:04:05,690
Drew, we need to talk to you.
29
00:04:05,691 --> 00:04:09,369
Yeah, look, you're our friend, so we're
going to let you know right up front
30
00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:12,560
that we're going to be competing against
you for the gold medal.
31
00:04:15,201 --> 00:04:21,229
know what you're getting yourselves
into? I mean, karaoke isn't just about
32
00:04:21,230 --> 00:04:23,220
singing, you know. You have to read,
too.
33
00:04:27,470 --> 00:04:29,030
So you think we suck?
34
00:05:06,380 --> 00:05:09,750
You're a janitor. You drink. You sing.
Is there anything you can't do?
35
00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:15,350
Well, if you'll excuse us, we have to
practice our song.
36
00:05:15,351 --> 00:05:18,539
Yeah, well, if you'll excuse us, I have
to go home and bathe my instrument and
37
00:05:18,540 --> 00:05:19,590
warm honey and lemon.
38
00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:47,480
conscious, and not just any people.
39
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:49,620
Japanese businessmen.
40
00:05:54,540 --> 00:05:58,560
Tell me, is this your ex -husband
telling you you're not good enough
41
00:05:58,780 --> 00:06:02,040
Is that what I'm hearing? Because trust
me, you are.
42
00:06:02,740 --> 00:06:03,790
Thank you.
43
00:06:03,791 --> 00:06:07,739
Thank you, Drew. You know, I don't know
what it is about you, but you always
44
00:06:07,740 --> 00:06:09,460
make me feel so good about myself.
45
00:06:09,820 --> 00:06:13,370
Hey, when sex is off the table, Drew
Carey knows how to make a woman feel
46
00:06:14,361 --> 00:06:21,069
work on another number, a ballad, just
in case everybody else is doing an
47
00:06:21,070 --> 00:06:22,510
song. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah.
48
00:06:22,810 --> 00:06:23,860
All right.
49
00:06:25,421 --> 00:06:26,869
Guess
50
00:06:26,870 --> 00:06:36,609
it's
51
00:06:36,610 --> 00:06:40,610
gonna be a cold, lonely summer.
52
00:06:57,331 --> 00:07:03,499
Is he going to actually use a real
lipstick so my lip prints would show up
53
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:04,519
the envelope?
54
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,630
Okay, you never know what you say out
loud.
55
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,800
I'm going to live forever.
56
00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:11,950
Okay.
57
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:15,500
Now remember, you're scared little Coco.
58
00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:18,670
Time to live a dream.
59
00:07:18,940 --> 00:07:21,680
You need that passion. Okay? One more
time.
60
00:07:35,340 --> 00:07:36,960
Every day at noon, you want to eat.
61
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:41,510
Listen, we can win an Olympic gold
medal, and all we have to do is sing
62
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,980
Oh, crap, there's people down here.
63
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:49,019
Hey, Drew, do you mind? We were hoping
for a little privacy so we could, uh,
64
00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:50,070
know.
65
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:53,420
Uh, here's a little tip. It's too ugly
to say, too ugly to do.
66
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:02,100
Can you sing three times a lady while
your brother does it to me on a
67
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,500
They're giving away a thousand bucks.
68
00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:14,180
A thousand bucks?
69
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:18,330
Honey, we should enter their contest,
too. You've got such a great voice.
70
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,719
Oh, I'm in, but you're the one with the
lovely voice.
71
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:24,479
Oh, this is going to be so much fun.
Yeah, win or lose, it'll be a hoot. I
72
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:25,560
you. Oh, I love you, too.
73
00:08:25,780 --> 00:08:27,700
Are the stars out tonight?
74
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,520
I don't know if it's cloudy or bright.
75
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,260
But I love your eyes.
76
00:08:34,059 --> 00:08:35,140
Oh, you.
77
00:08:35,580 --> 00:08:37,380
We've got to find a forklift.
78
00:08:48,780 --> 00:08:49,830
T -ball.
79
00:09:21,670 --> 00:09:25,280
I wonder if Christy Yamaguchi had to
work this hard to win her gold medal.
80
00:10:02,371 --> 00:10:09,439
You're not being a cynical, horrible
bastard, and I can see the scared little
81
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:10,490
boy underneath.
82
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,930
Don't worry. I have a way to keep from
crying.
83
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:18,099
How? Same way I kept from crying when my
dad used to spank me. I bit the inside
84
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,390
of my cheek. I never gave him the
satisfaction.
85
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:24,120
I never had a problem with my dad
spanking me.
86
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:28,090
He tried it once, and I whispered, work
the other cheek. It's lonely.
87
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:30,820
Never touched me again.
88
00:10:32,740 --> 00:10:34,240
Never talked to me much either.
89
00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:55,080
Because you know what's not good? Our
song.
90
00:10:57,310 --> 00:10:58,360
I knew it.
91
00:10:58,710 --> 00:11:03,909
I knew it. It's just like my ex
-husband, Drew. The only reason you
92
00:11:03,910 --> 00:11:08,930
is because you want something from me.
No, no, listen, I value our friendship.
93
00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:10,520
Yeah, right.
94
00:11:10,810 --> 00:11:15,410
You just know that you can't win that
stupid medal without me.
95
00:11:15,790 --> 00:11:19,949
Hey, you need me. All you have is beauty
and talent. You need a gimmick. I'm the
96
00:11:19,950 --> 00:11:21,000
gimmick, baby.
97
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:26,150
need you.
98
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:27,800
I'm going solo.
99
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:30,090
Fine.
100
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,610
Then so am I. I'm going to blow you off
the stage.
101
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,180
Well, you're definitely going to blow.
102
00:11:35,511 --> 00:11:41,479
That's really good. See what you did
there? You took what I said and you
103
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:42,560
it around. You're dead.
104
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,490
I'm dead.
105
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,390
Kelly's out of the contest. I can't
sing.
106
00:11:52,540 --> 00:11:54,580
Why don't you just find another partner?
107
00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:58,330
Hey,
108
00:12:01,991 --> 00:12:03,899
you know what?
109
00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:07,810
A lot of famous singers started out in
church choirs. I mean, Whitney Houston,
110
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:10,619
Mariah Carey. Why don't you check out a
couple churches?
111
00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:13,399
What am I supposed to do? Just wander
into a church and say, hey, you want to
112
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,379
sing for God for free? Or do you want to
sing with me in a bar for a thousand
113
00:12:16,380 --> 00:12:20,500
bucks? Stop pushing me like Bible
-thumping animals.
114
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,490
Just so you know, I'm not rejecting
Jesus here. I'm just rejecting you.
115
00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:43,139
I told you to stand up straight. I told
you not to cry, but I forgot to tell you
116
00:15:43,140 --> 00:15:45,000
not to spit up blood all over yourself.
117
00:15:48,460 --> 00:15:51,060
Next up, the lovely stylings of Sasha.
118
00:16:12,940 --> 00:16:14,740
We're going to cancel each other out.
119
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,440
Don't worry. I know a bunch of songs.
120
00:16:16,441 --> 00:16:18,619
When we get up there, I'll see what
you've got.
121
00:16:18,620 --> 00:16:21,339
Well, can you see if they have a little
Motown? I like something with a little
122
00:16:21,340 --> 00:16:22,390
more soul.
123
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,170
So, uh, what song did you tell them to
play?
124
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:29,620
Do that to me one more time.
125
00:18:03,031 --> 00:18:04,879
to him.
126
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,639
I'll tell you why. He wanted to add it
to his trophy collection.
127
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:08,980
What trophy collection?
128
00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:10,550
Thank you.
129
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:15,260
A guy like that to win the Olympic gold
medal?
130
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:19,240
Well, made some pretty grand stories for
the grandkids, huh?
131
00:18:19,860 --> 00:18:24,019
All he has now is a story of that
fateful day when that vending machine
132
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,340
two root beers by accident.
133
00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:40,890
Time for mama to bring home the gold.
134
00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:11,590
Give me fever.
135
00:19:19,780 --> 00:19:20,830
Hey,
136
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,040
Drew.
137
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,170
What do you think?
138
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:27,920
Oh, so you won the gold medal, huh?
139
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,879
Bet it wasn't too hard after Oswald's
bloodbath and my hilarious child
140
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:32,930
bit.
141
00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:35,470
Drew?
142
00:19:35,860 --> 00:19:37,420
I want you to have it.
143
00:19:37,421 --> 00:19:40,379
What do you mean, you're not still mad
at me?
144
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:47,019
No, I realize how important this is to
you, and I'm keeping the $1 ,100, so
145
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,700
I want you to have it.
146
00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:51,040
I thought it was $1 ,000.
147
00:19:51,580 --> 00:19:53,500
Yeah, I made a few tips.
148
00:19:59,340 --> 00:20:03,559
Look, I can't take this. You're the one
that won it. Oh, come on, Drew. I never
149
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:07,519
would have gotten on stage and shaken my
money makers if you hadn't helped give
150
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:08,570
me the confidence.
151
00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:10,680
You have more than one moneymaker?
152
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:13,840
Yeah, I have three.
153
00:20:18,220 --> 00:20:19,270
Don't I?
154
00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:25,719
Well, Eason, this is sweet, but it's not
the same as saying that I won an
155
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:26,770
Olympic gold medal.
156
00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:46,420
There's nobody better at it than I am.
157
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:49,660
Where's Sparky, Dad?
158
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:52,560
Sparky's gone to heaven, son.
159
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:55,290
This is so sad.
160
00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:59,040
Sad? I think it's corny and stupid.
161
00:20:59,090 --> 00:21:03,640
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