Original subtitles

As we'll pass through this nursing test, you're going to be a 40 -year -old man

living with a male nurse.

I knew people would be pointing that out, so I prepared a little speech.

Go to hell.

Sounds like the same speech you gave at your grandmother's funeral.

Hey, guys. I'm sorry I'm late, but I had a really rough day at the bar.

Who cares, man? You smell great. What is that?

Pizza, beer, and bacon grease.

Oh, it's intoxicating.

I used to get a lot of compliments on how I smelled, but you can't wear

to drug co anymore.

Drives the female apes crazy.

And this one ape named Christopher.

Hey, you know, maybe we should get out of the bar.

The store's going online in a couple weeks. Maybe I could put in a word for

down there. Really?

What's the job?

Well, it's doing inventory control. I'll be down at the shipping department.

Mm -hmm.

Bloating back? No.

You got anything for a hand model, a princess or something?

Oh, I blew it.

I failed the nursing test.

Oh, sorry, buddy. Well, also, you can take that test again.

Oh, what's the point? It was multiple choice. I got 11 right out of 100.

Teacher said I would have done better if I'd spread bird seed on the test.

Let a chicken peck at it.

You don't be so hard on yourself, man. Why not?

You know, I never should have quit my delivery job.

I'm a big loser.

Hey, look, I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but smell

I don't deserve to smell Kelly.

Oswald, you are not a loser. You are going to find something better.

Hey, True, what about the job at your store that you just offered me?

Gotcha. There's no job down at the store.

I can't believe she fell for the old job of my store routine.

You need five on that, Louie. Give me some skin.

There's a job at a never -ending store?

You wouldn't want to do it. It's at the loading dock. You've got to work with

computers and do paperwork and buttons and stuff.

Drew, if you think I'm too dumb for the job, why don't you just tell me?

Okay, I'm not supposed to tell anybody this, but the loading dock is haunted.

Oswald, I tried to find you something at the Warsaw, but they just don't need

anyone right now.

Yeah, clean with drug cove. Sorry, buddy.

Thanks. At least you two think I'm worth recommending.

I'm gonna go get drunk.

Lewis, you were right. The world is a steaming pile of disappointment and

despair.

Oh, that's flattering. He remembered my speech from my niece's christening.

I couldn't have recommended him for that job. He would screw everything up and

I'd get fired. Come on, what?

You know, Drew, if you're going to be the selfish jerk in the group, I'm not

quite sure what my job is.

Don't worry, Drew.

Oswald's going to be fine. He's going to find something great, and you can stop

feeling so guilty.

Okay, kid, I'm starting you out working the graveyard shift.

Here's your key.

You're back. You're rubbing alcohol on your cards.

If you're still with us in two months, I'll move you to the day shift.

You mean if I don't quit, right?

Okay, sure.

Hey, I just wanted to thank you. You know, I've been having a really hard

I failed the nursing test. No!

Don't tell me anything personal. I don't want to get attached.

the drain.

Excuse me, Mimi, I need to shred this.

I was here first.

Yeah, but I'm more important to the company.

And why do you need to make more white trash anyway? You already have a kid.

I'm sorry, Traylor, you shred first.

By the way, funny joke about my son.

Me, I like physical humor.

There's always some daredevil who thinks they're too cool for safety.

I have had it. She tried to strangle me.

I quit.

What? Trailer, our website's getting ready to go live. You can't quit.

Well, watch me. I refuse to work anymore with Mrs. H .R. Puffin stuff here.

Well, thank goodness that ill wind blew out of town.

Dude who's not afraid to smell like a man.

Mimi, she was our best designer. We can't go online without her.

I want you to apologize and get her back.

You can't apologize to her.

We need her. A lot more than we need you.

Do it or you're fired.

But everybody hates her.

I'm just the only one with sense enough to try and kill her.

Lewis, what are you doing here?

Oswald lied. He's not working the graveyard shift at the fish market. I

down there last night. They never heard of him.

Why would he lie about being a fishmonger?

I don't know.

The prestige?

Well, what do you want to do? Follow him around between midnight and eight, see

what he's doing?

That's a good idea, because if he's doing what I think he's doing, it could

ugly. What do you think he's doing?

Fighting wild animals in a pit for the amusement of rich people.

Well, if that's the case, we better get down and find out what he's up to right

now.

Hey, can I have these? I got a bag of arms at home.

Oswald, couldn't you find something a little nicer than this?

No, this isn't the best I could do, but it's got its perks.

Every night, some nice family puts fresh flowers in a candle right out there on

the sidewalk.

Oswald, you can't work here. I mean, we all want to die surrounded by liquor

bottles, but I don't like this.

That's okay. I know how you feel about recommending me for a job.

Okay, I changed my mind. I'll talk to the boss this first thing in the

Oh, thanks, Drew.

Blame him. If I was sporting that, I wouldn't wear any pants either.

Okay, now let's go over it one more time. What do you do if the main

belt jams?

Right. I shut the system down at the main breaker. Yes.

Reboot the terminal. Right. And if that doesn't work, then I clear the system by

hand. Hey, that's good. That's really good.

Feeling better about recommending me for the job?

Yeah, I think you might have a feature here. As a matter of fact, I think the

next time you see a bum's penis, it'll be because you want to.

Hey! Congratulations, Oswald, on your new job.

Balloons! And lunch, too. Thanks, guys.

Don't you look handsome in your great jumpsuit.

Yeah, I like it, too. It saves me a half hour laying out of clothes every night.

Hey, what's this?

It's a barcode scanner. It's a brain for the whole operation.

It reads every package and routes it off the main belt to its proper

destination. Yeah?

Sounds like the barcode scanner isn't the only thing with brains around here,

huh?

What do you mean?

Nothing, man.

my balloons.

Hey, why don't you guys set up lunch in the break room and I'll get the balloons

before they jam up the fan.

You're so conscientious.

Hey, any excuse to ride in the lift -me -up machine?

Oh, look at him chasing that balloon.

It's so cute.

He'd be a lot cuter if he wasn't 40 years old.

People just need a little extra help. And if he didn't have his friends

after him, who knows where he'd wind up.

Well, when we first met him, he ate bugs for money. So maybe you can go back to

that.

Stu, I don't know if you believe in karma, but getting Oswald this job was a

wonderful thing.

And I think it's going to come back to you.

up as with a fire.

Oh, my God, what happened?

I was chasing my balloons.

Wow, they're really beautiful. I can see why you worked so hard to get them

back.

Drew, can we talk to you for a minute?

The guy you recommended just destroyed the most important piece of equipment in

the warehouse, which we needed if the site's gonna go live on Monday.

I hear what you're saying. Hey, strike one.

I'm really sorry, Drew.

It's okay.

Look, he's my friend. I'll fire him.

I understand.

I enjoy firing my friends, too.

I blew it, right? I'm a big loser, right?

Look, this is going to be really hard.

What'd they say?

They said...

to please not break the barcode machine again.

Hey, go get him, slugger.

Hey, so, um, did you do it? Did you fire him?

No. You try looking at those big brown eyes and telling me he screwed up again.

You know what you mean.

I still haven't had the heart. to tell him that Hogan wasn't a hero. He was a

pervert.

Drew, what are you going to do if your bosses find out that you didn't fire

You could get fired.

I know.

We've got to do something fast. They seem to work tomorrow. It's all over.

If only your bosses knew Oswald like we know him. I bet they'd give him a second

chance. Yeah, you know, one of them's pretty nice. I bet if we convinced him,

they'd give him his job back.

Yeah. Maybe, hey, maybe you should just show him Oswald's old scrapbook.

Baby pictures.

Baby pictures?

Mom, we've got to come up with something better than that.

And here he is at one hour old.

Ten pounds, three ounces. One of the biggest preemies I've ever seen.

Poor mom. They had to gut her like a bass just to get that big one.

I know what you're doing. I know what you're doing. You're trying to make me

care about him, so we'll take him back. Well, it's not going to work.

Tiny.

I wanted to apologize.

I went over the line at work.

Maybe you just broke into my house. Well, one thing at a time.

It was inappropriate and unprofessional for me to try to run your head through

the paper shredder.

Now, please come back to work.

Forget it. I start my new job today.

Trailer, please.

I drove here in a snowstorm to beg you to do this.

If you don't come back to work, I'll get fired.

I'm a single mother. I need this job.

Oh, my icy heart has just been thawed by the mention of a child. Hug me.

Fine.

That was my last shot.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

My husband left me. I can't afford to raise a kid without a job.

It seems as if I'm worth more dead than alive.

Oh, my God!

Okay.

Do me a favor.

Blow my head off.

fingerprints on a gun.

I'm going to blow out the windows on a cop car.

Then I'm going to toss it.

You know, I'm going to let them tell you where when they come for you.

Wasn't sure if this was going to work, so I had a backup.

My God.

Isn't he standing over my bed while I'm asleep?

Yeah.

Seriously, get new locks.

This little angel grew up without a father?

You are breaking my heart.

Yeah. He was forced to be the man of the house at a very young age.

When his father went to jail?

All he left him was alone.

Alone.

And that ain't right.

What's going on here?

We have got to bring Oswald Harvey back.

He is a man -child who got a raw deal in life and he deserves a second chance.

He's a man -child that nearly ruined our business.

But look at him on the pony.

Good. He's still fired.

You know why? Because we're running a business and tough decisions have to be

made. Oswald Harvey is fired and he's staying fired.

Morning, everybody.

It's cold out there.

It's nice to have a warm place to go to work.

What are you looking at?

Listen, Oswald, they fired yesterday. I didn't have the heart to tell you.

I was fired yesterday?

Wait a minute. Is this about...

Breaking the barcode scanner?

Yeah, we were showing them old pictures of you so they'd feel bad and give you

your job back.

Why didn't you just tell me the truth?

Because we knew it would be a big thing for you to want to hurt your feelings.

Oh, my God.

My friends treat me like a child.

I'm the most pathetic man that ever lived.

You're not.

Yes, I am. You guys have been protecting me all my life. Well, it's time that I

solve my own problems.

Excuse me?

I just got this order to pick up the new barcode scanner on Wycliffe. Uh, yeah,

Global Parceler won't deliver because of the blizzard. So we need it now or we

can't go live on Monday. I'm not going across town. The roads are all iced

You have to.

Not if I don't work here.

I quit.

What are we going to do? He's the only one with a trucker's license.

We better start making calls.

Delivery guy?

Trucker's license?

I think we can help you find a job now.

Haven't you been listening?

I'm not a child. I have to solve my own problem.

Right, right.

You don't need my help. I need your help. See, if Scott and Evan don't get

part delivered, I'm going to get fired.

What to do, Oswald?

What to do?

had an idea which will help us both. Hey, what?

All right, stay with me here.

What if I go pick up that scanner?

You?

I want to hear where he's going with this.

Yeah,

me. I'm the hero. I save the company and I get the delivery job.

I don't know, Oswald.

This calls for somebody with a commercial truck. Wait a second!

You have a commercial license because you were a delivery man for many years.

Look who finally caught up with me.

Now, you tell Evan and Scott they're going to get their scanner because

Harvey's on the job.

So, what you're saying is, if you pick up the part, I can't figure it out.

Well, I've got to hurry. I've got to get my stuff on.

Boy, it feels good to be an adult.

We're so proud of you.

Foot.

curtain a hatchet and a