Original subtitles

Previously on Drew.

The night I was dancing with Kelly, we were doing really well.

Suddenly I just couldn't take my eyes off her. I mean, did you ever notice how

beautiful she is? I'm going to go tell her how I feel. Good luck, man.

Uh, I was hoping I could talk to you for a second. Oh my God.

Drew, this is my ex -husband, Daryl.

Daryl, this is my buddy, Drew.

Hey, how you doing? Welcome to Cleveland.

Yeah,

I always liked your mom.

First you, then your sister, then your mother.

Better call Grandma and tell her to lock her doors.

Listen, Dara, I really appreciate you helping my mom, but what are you doing

here? My doctor sent me to the Cleveland Clinic for rehab. And while I was in

town, I wanted to give you this.

It's your old engagement ring. I had it made into a necklace.

I'm sorry, Kelly. I was a self -centered bastard.

Wow, that's really beautiful. Boy, nothing heals the pain of adultery like

changing the shape of jewelry.

Well, I, uh, got a bus to catch. I gotta be at the clinic first thing in the

morning. Uh, nobody's helping you?

No, but I'm okay.

Shrek, huh? Boy, tiny hands for a man.

Listen, uh, the reason I came by is I wanted to talk to you. Um, Drew, can you

just wait one minute? Um, Daryl?

Uh, okay.

I will help you until you're back on your feet, but only because you did

something nice for my mom.

Really? Oh, thanks.

I'll go get my coat.

Hey, Drew. Hey. Did you tell Kelly you want to go out with her?

No. Not yet.

That's her F.

Oh, that's Daryl, huh?

He's a lot more wheelchair -y than I pictured him.

Well, who cares if he's here? She hates him. That shouldn't stop you from

talking to her.

Yeah, well, I'll wait till she's done helping him with his rehab, and then

tell her.

Uh -oh.

She's helping him with his rehab?

You're screwed.

What are you talking about? He cheated on her. She's not going to forget that.

Come on, Drew. She's going to be his nurse, huh?

Sponge -bathing him, feeding him, remembering the good times, forgetting

bad, huh?

Next thing you know, it's paging Dr. Get -It -On code ooh.

Well, nobody's going to be having any sex while I'm around.

At least we know they won't be enjoying it.

Uh, hey, listen.

I know this is none of my business or anything, but, you know, I'm a really

friend of Kelly's, and, uh, you know, I know you're out of work and you're going

through rehab, and I just want you to stay at my place and save a couple

Really? Oh, thanks, man. That'd be great.

That is so sweet. Thanks.

And I can walk.

We'll be right

back.

I call.

I vote.

You always vote. You don't even look at your cards. You know, you're never going

to win that way.

Hey, I've had seven beers, three sandwiches, and made four long -distance

You tell me who's the loser.

I call.

I call.

I call.

Three aces.

Two pair. Man, I'm getting killed.

Hey, you're not doing so bad for a guy on painkillers playing poker for the

first time.

You're closing the cleaners. Oh, thanks. Appreciate it. Well, if he's not going

to ask, I will. How was your day?

Crappy. The heat's still out in my apartment. I owe two months rent. And

idiot, I wore a bra today and made almost no tips.

Forget the bra. You know what works?

Suck on a pencil while you're taking the order.

The worst part about it is, is I'm not going to make enough money. I need to

save up to go back to school.

Well, if Daryl's not going to say it, I will. You can make it.

Thanks, Drew.

Now, I appreciate you stopping by, but a bunch of guys playing poker here, it's

really no place for a lady.

Steve, I have got to get the recipe for this seven -layer deck.

Kelly, stick around. I've barely seen you the last couple of days. Well,

I called you last night, but Drew said you went to bed at 8.

Huh. Sitting on the couch watching TV till 10. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, come on,

you two. Boy, anything to start a fight, huh?

When did your marriage fall apart like a French car?

Well, um, Daryl, the reason I called you was... Um...

Since I saw you at the bar, I had a lot of

time to think about it, and I... I can't take your necklace.

Oh, look at that.

And it made out of her old engagement ring. Oh, that's beautiful. And look how

it sparkles. It's like an angel came down and crapped in your hand.

Thanks anyway.

Now, well, you've got to be honest. I wasn't totally selfless giving it to

Every time I looked at it, it just reminded me what a bad husband I was.

Probably deserved to get it back.

Good, I'm glad you understand, Daryl. I was expecting a big argument.

And you didn't give her one.

Once again, you've disappointed her.

Well, I'm out of cash, so might as well hit the sack.

You never could gamble.

Hey, do you remember our trip to Atlantic City?

Yeah, I lost every dime we had.

We didn't have enough money to get a hotel room, so...

He told everyone that I was Donald Trump's niece.

They comped us a room.

Couldn't believe they bought it.

To me, race is a red flag. You know, I married a liar. But, uh... As long as

you're happy.

Oh, Daryl.

You know what? Why don't I help you get ready for bed?

Really? Yeah, I'm feeling kind of guilty. I told God if he pushed you off

roof, I'd start going back to church.

Drew, now's your chance to ask her out.

When? After she's done sponging off her ex -husband's genitals?

Now might be a good time to ask him out.

That's why I gotta get rid of this guy.

I gotta find a way to get him healthy and get him the heck out of here.

Well, he's already doing two hours of physical therapy a day.

Well, then four hours a day ought to get him out of here twice as fast.

That makes perfect sense to me.

It does?

Yes.

Well, I don't care. I'm still going to do it.

Good. I'm glad I caught you before you went to lunch.

The marriage counselor said no unannounced visits. I don't need you

day. Excuse me. But I got your present.

I'll show it to the ass.

Well, I'll take a peek for the sake of our child.

It's so beautiful.

Is this sterling silver?

Yeah, only the best, and it has sentimental value. I had it made from

buckle you won for me.

What belt buckle?

You know, the one you won at the cowboy bar for staying on the mechanical bull

the longest?

I remember thinking how much I envied that bull.

You and your sweet talk.

How does it look?

I don't know. I can't get past those beautiful eyes.

Oh, Steve, it's been so long.

Oh, hell, let's go pound one out in the closet.

I'm not the only one who's a sweet talker.

I have some malt liquor in my purse. Oh, that's great. I'll get ready. See you

in the closet.

What am I doing?

He cheated on me.

Necklace doesn't make up for that.

I'm ready.

Open that door. You'll see something. You lie.

Hello.

Could you give me a minute to put on my underwear before you call security?

Come on, Daryl, you can do it.

This didn't feel too bad.

You can do better.

Now stop leaning on that thing. You're using it as a crutch.

Thanks for making me believe in myself, Drew.

No problem.

Oh, my God!

Kelly! Hey, cute shoes!

walk. He fell down.

Are you crazy? He's not ready to walk without crutches.

Which we know now, thanks to my research.

Don't blame Drew. I wanted to walk. I hate being a burden.

And by the way, I think that arm's broken.

Oh, you poor thing.

He breaks your arm and you're still defending him.

Maybe you have changed.

No, I think I broke my leg again, too.

Wow, you sure are delicate.

I'm really sorry. I was doing this for you.

I was trying to get him back on his feet and get him out of here as soon as

possible. Yeah, I see.

There's been a terrible accident.

Yeah, I'll hold.

I know what you're doing, Drew. Oh, you do? Yes, I do. You're trying to protect

me from my ex -husband, but I am a big girl. I don't need someone looking after

me.

Um, yeah, I need an ambulance at 720 Sedgwick.

Um, there's a man with a broken arm and a broken leg.

Well, I'm not a doctor, but I think that warrants an ambulance.

Okay, we'll be right there.

Excellent. My plan to ruin my life is working out perfectly.

I can't believe they're not back yet. They spent all night together.

Joe, it's not that romantic. They're in an emergency room, not on an old

mattress in a field.

Yeah, but you know how it goes. Can I adjust your pillow? Can I rub your

shoulder? Can I stick my breast in your face?

Lucky guy. Last time I was in an emergency ward, they screamed at me in

till I went home and pried the Monopoly piece out of my nose myself.

I told you the shoe would fit.

As Kelly's so mad at me, I won't be able to talk to her about anything now.

Oh, we're sorry, Joe.

Yeah, sorry, man.

Hey, when Daryl's leg snapped, did it sound like this?

Or this?

Wait, uh, do them both together and scream.

That is damn close.

Oh, finally.

Hey, how's her patient?

Oh, I got lucky. The arm was a simple break, and the leg snapped right in the

same spot.

Lucky? No.

Lucky's when a 20 flies out of an old lady's purse when she's fumbling for

coupons.

Jerry, you're not going to like this, but Daryl and I were talking. It's the

only thing that makes sense.

I'm moving in here.

What? Well, I can't leave him alone with you, and he can't stay with me above

the bar. Do you have any other ideas?

No, no, I'd love to have them here. We'll be like a married couple raising

poor crippled boy.

You know, I'm getting a little hungry, babe.

I'll fix you something.

No, no, it's okay.

Kelly knows exactly what I like.

Waffle, slightly brown, toast, and a Denver omelet. That's my girl.

Maybe later you can give me a shave, okay? I can't quite get it with this

wing.

Hey, Drew, you can't let her shave him, huh? He's trying to get her back.

What the hell are you talking about?

Come on, haven't you seen the commercial? There's nothing sexier than

shaving a man.

Except a woman shaving a woman.

Uh, hey, Kelly?

I'll shave Daryl for you. No!

No, I mean, I'll just wait for Kelly.

Oh, no, please.

I'm the host.

What kind of host would I be if I didn't insist on shaving my guests?

Hey, Daryl, you're a contractor, right?

Can you give me a ballpark estimate on something?

Sure.

If I wanted to build an underwater city, nothing big, just enough room for me

and my wives, yet deep enough to get away from the judging eyes of the land

people, how much would something like that go?

The judging eyes that are driving me under the sea, huh?

Well, not enough room for all of us in the bathroom, so I just have to shave

out here.

Welcome to Drew's Barbershop.

When you think about it, your house is kind of like a barbershop.

It smells musty, there are old playboys everywhere, and hair products from the

50s.

Yeah, and there's always a couple losers sitting around flapping their yaps.

Yep. Yep.

Hey, if I ever get old and sick, will you do that for me? Sure.

Really? Nah.

I'd probably just leave your hairy old ass at a fast food restaurant instead of

you.

Breakfast will be ready in about five minutes.

All right, Kelly, sure is sweet, huh? Oh, yeah. I can't believe I let her go.

Mm -hmm.

She wouldn't like a second chance with her.

Ow! Ow!

How'd I do? Slice her a mole?

Saved you a trip to the doctor, huh?

My God, what happened now?

This friend of yours just cut my throat.

Okay, okay, we get it. You're bleeding. Now you're just showing off, okay?

It was an accident.

Yeah, it was the razor's fault.

First blade lifts the whisker. The second blade splits your throat.

Just give it to me. I'll do it. You know, I'm going to get him out of here

take care of him myself.

Check and mate.

I lose.

Who is it?

Hey.

How you doing?

I left you a couple of messages, never got an answer back, so I thought I'd

come by.

What you doing?

Well, Drew, I was going to tell you this tonight.

I'm moving back in with Daryl.

What?

What, after all the crap he put you through? Well, we've had some good

too. And you know what? He seems a lot different now. And I just thought that

should try to give it another shot.

You know, I think that's a big mistake.

You know, I mean, you have a life here. Ugh, please.

What life? I have a crappy job and a crappy apartment.

Oh, really?

Look around you. You know, there's bugs and rodents that would beg to differ.

Drew, what if it doesn't get any better than this?

How about all your plans to go back to college and all that stuff?

And you should see yourself around Daryl. He says, jump. You say, how high?

And you got to quit letting men tell you what to do.

Now, you march over to his house right now, and you tell him that Drew said you

are not moving in.

Drew.

I made my decision.

Yeah, all right. Okay, listen.

There's something I've been meaning to tell you.

I really like you.

I've liked you from the minute I saw you. I'm always going to like you.

You're always going to be a really, really good friend.

Yeah, well, I think that you're really, really great too, Drew. And you know

what? We'll still see each other all the time. And I'll write you and, hey,

we'll forward funny e -mails to each other. Sure.

Okay, you know, I should really finish packing. Okay.

I'll miss you.

Yeah, I'll miss you too.

Yeah.

I knew you'd come back.

How could I not?

We belong together.

Lies, Speedy.

Hollywood lies.

Hey, Joe.

Hey, Speedy.

I thought you left.

Yeah, I was going to, but something happened.

Hey, uh, Speedy, you want to get up for a second? Kelly and I need to talk.

There you go.

So, what's up? Uh, well... What is that, college catalog?

Yeah, I was loading the car and...

Daryl saw it, and I told him I was going to go back to college, and you know

what he said?

We'll see.

Ooh, I knew what that meant when my mom said it. Still waiting for my minibike.

Well, it means the same damn thing to Daryl.

Never. So I called his brother, and he's going to come get him.

What, so that means you're staying? Yeah, yeah. My life isn't perfect here,

I do have one.

Wow.

Well, hey, how about here, have a beer? I was drinking because I'm sad.

Now I'm drinking because I'm happy.

You're so versatile.

It's like a Swiss army.

Here's to not making the same mistakes twice.

Right. To new mistakes.

So, listen.

There's a couple things I've been meaning to tell you.

Well,

you know what? Our last conversation was great. And you were so right. Whenever

I'm around Daryl, he just...

winds up calling a shot right that's not good and i should just be on my own for

a while focus on myself and you know that's why i'm not even going to think

about men for a long time right oh yeah uh certainly take a week off and uh

find yourself and then back on the horse you were right you were so right i'm

not going to let men control me anymore Well, you know, I didn't mean... When I

said men, I didn't mean all men.

I mean, if it's the right guy, it's not really controlling. It's more like

molding. He's making me a better person.

No, I know what you meant.

You know what? You are exactly what I need right now in my life.

A good friend.

Thanks, Joe.

Hey, no problem.

It's what I do.

You know, I'm not just a janitor.

I've got dreams.

Big dreams.

And a lot of them involve beautiful women like you.

How'd you like to spend the rest of your life at the bottom of the ocean?

Hey, I'm not crazy!

I'm building a city under the sea!

Is that something in my teeth?

You know, when I agreed to move to your underwater city, you said there'd be

chicks. Hey, this is phase one.

Volunteers, huh?