Original subtitles

My name's Anne. I'm taking salsa lessons because I saw it on TV and I thought it

looked like fun.

Thank you, Susan.

Next. My name's Drew.

I'm getting married in May and I want to dance at my wedding.

Do you want to learn how to dance salsa? It's a bright Latina. Hey, I'm open to

it.

And you are?

Lewis.

You know that song, the rhythm's gonna get you?

Well, I got me.

Well, people, I can't teach you the technique of dancing salsa.

But salsa is something you do. It's something you feel.

Like one day...

You're lucky, you know, when you find the right partner, it can be a

connection between two bodies and two souls.

Dios mio.

Am I going to have volunteers, or I can show some moves?

Yeah, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

Calm down.

It's just the learning annex.

The most important thing, people, is to feel the chemistry with your partner.

It's just like...

It's like making love.

No problem. Been there, done that.

Concentrate.

Okay, I want your weight to the right and the left foot forward.

And...

Now you wake to the other side and want your right one to go backwards.

And... The back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the

back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the

back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the

back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the

back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the

back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the

back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the

back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the back, the

back, the back, the back, the back,

the back,

the

back

You're a man.

Did you hear that?

Did you know I was a man?

What happened out there, Drew? I got nervous. He's so beautiful. All the

rushed south of the border.

You're not going after the teacher, are you? Why not?

Get us in trouble, man.

What's up, junior high?

after the teacher if I want. I'm older than the teacher.

Hey, just like you were in junior high.

to talk to you about something? Something top secret.

Ooh, I could keep a secret. Just ask Dolly when she gets back from having her

boot job.

I thought she was going to a funeral.

Yeah, a funeral for floppy knockers.

Now, what's your secret?

I think we have a spy working here. One of our competitors started using our

ordering software. Software that I designed.

I put my heart and my soul into it. It's like...

It's like they stole my baby.

And I want you to find him, Mimi, and I want you to kill him.

We don't want to physically hurt him. We just want to plant some drugs on him

and have him rot in prison for the rest of his life.

Will you do it, Mimi?

Okay, but I want access to everybody's e -mail, copies of their phone messages,

and a denim jacket with a rhinestone unicorn on the back.

Formal dances, weddings, things like that.

Hello, Drew.

Okay.

Hello.

Well, well, look who can suddenly afford a double latte.

Yeah, I saw some pictures of you walking in the woods with the tabloids.

me use your washer and dryer. Oh, thanks. It's just so nice not having to

the laundromat.

That time I was there, there was the junkie sitting there naked, washing his

pair of pants.

That's why I don't give money to people on the street.

I think they're gonna use it for drugs and end up blown in on laundry.

Now, hey, uh, you like salsa dancing, right? Oh, yeah, I love it. Well, I'm

looking for a dance partner tonight. You interested?

Um, you and me?

Uh, well, yeah, that sounds wonderful.

Good. I'm thinking these salsa lessons from the teacher is really amazing. I'm

not saying I have a chance with her, but I might be able to hook up with her if

I had somebody to practice with, so I'm not a service when I'm dancing with a

real woman.

I mean, you know, she's not my friend.

Yeah. Yeah, sure, Drew. There's nothing I'd rather do on a Friday night than put

on a sexy dress and stilettos and dance one of the world's sexy...

fools in class again, so Drew's helping us practice.

I come from Eastern European stock.

We're an awkward, clumsy people who can barely reproduce.

Hey, uh, you guys want to hang out while I practice with Kelly?

Nah, I'm going to go home a little sore.

I've got the last half hour thrusting my hips back and forth and back and forth.

Well, you know, you're using muscles you haven't used in years.

Thanks for coming over. Yeah!

See what you got.

Now,

where'd you learn this?

Well, before I was married, I dated a wealthy bullfighter, and he flew me to

Spain, and I got into the whole Latin dance scene.

Really? No. I took lessons at the Y of Horma.

Well, now I don't know what story to believe.

True. Uh, loosen up. Free up those hips a little.

I'm afraid if it takes freedom, then they can run for it.

I'm sorry, the only dance I've ever done lately is with my dog. He's quite a bit

shorter than I am.

Hey. Hey, this is good. Yeah.

I think we're ready to try an underhand turn.

Okay.

Yes!

Okay.

Let's try the cuddle position.

homeless men at the Y.

This is weird.

What's that?

We're not this good.

I'm talking.

I'm feeling it.

Jerry,

you're supposed to push me away now.

My what?

He died for a second. He comes and waves.

Okay.

Okay.

Well, that was really great. That was great. I think you're really going to

impress Maria.

Who?

Maria, your dance teacher.

Oh, yeah, that's right, Maria. I'm obsessed with her. Thanks for reminding

All right, let's try the cross -body lead now.

You know what? I think...

I think we did enough dancing for today. I was really helpful. Thanks a lot.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

You want to go grab a beer or something?

Um, uh, yeah, I mean, I would, but, uh, oh, I had a beer for lunch, so...

You all right?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thanks for the lesson. Okay.

to keep the johnsons on our christmas card list remind me who the johnsons are

we only had dinner with them last week you don't remember any of my friends

here we go

so who could that be at this hour i don't know maybe it's

your friends the johnsons

You know, you really should have a gun out with Oswald in the house.

Hey, can I talk to you guys for a second?

Sure.

Um... Hey.

Wow.

Conference with the Florida?

Uh, just Jim. They got divorced.

Oh, well, what happened?

Julie had a baby.

It was black.

So, Jim's black.

Well, tonight I was dancing with Kelly. We were doing really well, and then

suddenly I just couldn't take my eyes off her. I mean, did you ever notice how

beautiful she is?

I think all women are beautiful.

That's how desperate I am.

Well, Kelly's going to be at dance class, and then I was going to ask her

dinner, and...

have feelings for her.

What do you think?

I think that's a mistake.

Well, we didn't say anything.

Yeah, but you made that noise, that noise you make when you get a bad poker

or when you see old people kiss.

I don't think she feels the same way, Drew.

She could.

Stranger things have happened. Didn't you see Beauty and the Beast?

the same way, it could ruin your friendship.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, you're right.

I won't tell her.

I think that's a good idea.

Now, if you'll excuse us, it's getting late and you did come by on a noun.

You've got some cards to fill out.

Fine.

Hey, wait a minute.

You spend all your free time with me and Kelly hanging out at the bar. How do

you know all these other people?

We can't have a life outside of you?

Oh. You know, you have to dress these. You just can't write Morgan Fairchild,

Hollywood, California.

off to the stairwell, but it turns out he's just a compulsive masturbator.

Bet I know where he's going.

Then I thought it was Beth here. She's been coming in every night, emailing

people all over the country, but it turns out she's just been letting all

sexual partners know she has herpes.

Look, that's all very interesting, Mimi, but who's the spy?

By the way, something came up. I can't make dinner Friday night.

I hate to tell you this, but there is no spy.

Well, there has to be. How do you explain my software showing up on other

people's sites?

Mimi, they stole my baby.

Guess what?

Your baby was invented three years ago by a Malaysian kid in Milwaukee.

into Milwaukee once in my whole life. I was judging a computer fair at a high

school.

Ooh, weepy whitey personal or dirty personal?

So, Drew's driving me crazy. He wants me to go to his dance class and then go

out to dinner with him tonight, and I know exactly what he's going to want to

talk about.

Maria, isn't she cute? Maria, do you think she likes me?

Why do you do this to yourself?

Look at you.

You're smart, nice -looking woman.

him everything tonight.

Okay, but if he's not sweet on you, then you're going to screw up the

friendship. He's the only female friend he has.

Next thing we know, he's dancing with his dog.

Well, actually, he... Don't be ridiculous.

I mean, he is my best friend, and he's helped me out so much since my divorce

from Daryl.

He wants to get married. You don't want him. Right. Right.

Thanks, Mimi.

Thank you. It's really nice to have someone to talk to. Yeah, it was nice.

Yeah. Hey, do you have a minute? Because I have a couple things I'd like to talk

about. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm here for you.

What do you want first?

Weepy whiny or dirty?

Dirty.

Okay, so I've got the showerhead blast.

Weepy whiny.

a little less moaning into the top of my head.

I paid 35 bucks for a six -week class. I'll moan if I want to.

Drew, you're next.

I warmed up her head for you.

Hey.

Is that Maria?

It's amazing, isn't it?

I think somebody's been spending a little too much time on their body and

enough time on their mind.

Okay, okay, I'll read a book.

Bruno, I'll be a partner. Please look at me. I can do that.

We look pretty good together, huh?

No. I mean, look at her. She's hanging out.

Excuse me. I'm going to get some water.

Drew, you have improved so much.

Yeah, hey, let's try the move that got Enrique Iglesias banned from the

Oh, no, no, no. Don't be a fool. No. Yeah, baby.

Oh, my God. That's the move that got

Enrique Iglesias banned from the Vatican.

I can't look. It's too... Sexy. It's too sexy.

All right.

I'm out of here. Tell Drew I'm sorry about dinner.

Come on. Don't stop now.

I'm sorry, Maria. The dance. She's over.

Why are you talking like that?

You're Latin. It's a softer class.

If not now, when?

What happened to Kelly? I think she got jealous watching you and Maria dance.

Are you sure?

Well, no. We've never actually seen gelatine in a woman.

Well, that settles it. I'm going to go tell her how I feel.

Good luck, man.

Any man who can dance like that, he does not need the luck.

Hey, Kelly.

Hey. Hey, dear.

I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second. Oh, my God.

Daryl? Hey, Kelly.

What are you doing here?

What happened to you? Had a little accident on the job.

That's awful.

No, no, it's okay, because being laid up gave me some time to think about

things. You know, between us.

Drew,

this is my ex -husband, Daryl.

Daryl, this is my buddy, Drew.

Hey, how you doing? Welcome to Cleveland.

Hanukkah and a super Kwanzaa to all our friends. It was an eventful year for us.

We got a new jukebox at the Warsaw and Louis finally tried shrimp.

He loved it. A hiker found the remains of Oswald's Uncle Ron in the Sequoia

National Forest.

One less card to send this year. Ha ha.

But seriously.

Miss Fairchild, you're wanted on the set.

Are you crying, Miss Fairchild?

Oh, no.

His Uncle Ron's dead.