All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s08e10 Drews Girl Friday

Oh, you know me, I'm the internal
expediting analyst, so if I'm not

I'm expediting.

We want to let you know we just fired
the other internal expediting analyst.

What? Are you out of your mind?

He's the only one that knows what this
job is.

Besides me.

So, before our website goes live, we're
going to need you to debug the program,

run the simulation, and then give us a
full IEA report.

Right.

IEA report. Internal expediting analyst.
Ask me.

We need to report by Friday morning for
our investors' meeting.

Right, so I'll give you a report on
Friday morning, kind of a general how

store is doing. We're doing good, could
be doing better, something everybody can

understand type of thing.

No, we're going to need hard data and
statistics about how to make our

system better.

Gee, that sounds awfully dry.

I mean, couldn't I just put it in story
form, you know, like the...

Parables, like Jesus used to do?

Friday morning, Drew.

Man, you must be pretty desperate to pay
some lady you met on the Internet a

hundred bucks an hour to teach you
computer programming.

Got a better idea?

Sure. Find some lady on the Internet,
pay her a hundred bucks to have sex with

your friend, Louis.

Hey, Steve.

Hey, how's it going with Mimi?

Well, she won't talk to me.

And she changed all the locks so I can't
get in.

But even if I could, it wouldn't matter.

I just can't bring myself to look Mimi
in the face anymore.

Time and place. Time and place.

So, Steve, where are you staying now?

Oh, I'm staying at this cheap motel
downtown.

Last night I played a little game to
find one thing in my room that didn't

like urine. Guess what it was? The
toilet.

staying at a place like that, you should
be staying right here.

No, if you took me in, Mimi would never
let you see your nephew.

Why don't you stay with us?

Really?

Sure, yeah. You cook, you clean, you're
like a big bald Mary Poppins.

Thanks, guys.

Hey, let's run by the motel and grab my
stuff. Hey,

so Steve, a deer wandered into our yard
and walked around for a bit and then it

dropped down dead. Can you show us how
to cook it?

Drew, there's some kid here selling
something.

No, actually, I'm Grace.

I'm the tutor.

Oh, I was expecting somebody a little
older. Come on in.

Hi. Come on in.

I'm Kelly.

Hi. Hi.

I see your son Drew is having trouble
learning computer programming.

Actually, I'm Drew.

Oh. Oh, well, I guess it's good to keep
your mind active at your age.

Thank you.

How old are you anyway?

16.

Wow. You know, I have to learn all this
stuff in two days. You think we can do

it? Okay.

All right, well, have a seat, get
comfortable, I've got us something to

Oh, and I can come by tomorrow after
school, but not on Friday, because it's

homecoming dance.

The homecoming dance?

You are so lucky!

Look at you.

I didn't go to mine.

You?

But you look like you were one of those
mean popular girls who would have pissed

my head in the punch bowl.

That is so sweet.

No, I wasn't popular. The guy I had a
crush on didn't even know that I was

alive. But him? Yes.

He still doesn't know.

Oh, well, I guess he's kind of cute.

Yeah, in a retro sort of way.

those big square heads like people used
to have.

Okay, well, we've got, uh, O'Doul's, non
-alcoholic O'Doul's for the little lady

and extra -alcoholic buzz for the adult.

Get started.

Let's start simple.

Programming code is basically semantics,
or commands, and grammar, which is the

order the commands are put in.
Understand?

Yeah, I got it.

Okay, now, in C++, you have your source
file and your compiler, which converts

your source file into a machine
-executable file.

So all you have to do is just open your
ride interface, and then you're ready to

build your source file.

Am I moving too fast for you?

No, it's just while you're babbling all
that gibberish, I got an idea.

You know, you're never going to learn
how to do this if you don't do it

yourself. Look, I don't need a lecture
from a 16 -year -old girl, okay? I just

need you to do my job for me.

Hey, Drew.

Who's this?

Oh, hey. Hey, this is my cousin's
daughter, Grace. She just came here to

what grown -ups do.

She actually thinks she's debugging an
inventory control system. Isn't that

right, Grace?

Very good, Uncle Drew.

Well, maybe if you study real hard,
young lady.

One day you can come work for our little
company.

Oh, an internet retailer?

I don't think so.

You and your whole business model are so
stuck in the 90s. Okay, the future is

in nanotech.

You're dead.

You don't even know it.

Kids.

I think I'll go lie down.

Drew, you could learn how to do this
yourself if you just converted the

to Real Basic.

You know, I just want to face the fact
that something called Real Basic is too

complicated for me.

Drew, I know you're picking some of this
up.

Boy, you've got a lot of junk in here.

Okay, what's this file that says Diane
Sawyer, and why does it take up half of

your hard drive?

It's nothing, okay? Just leave it alone.

series of novellas about her.

I put her in dangerous historical
situations and I rescue her.

Underwear Mountain's gone.

Oh, man, something smells great.

I think it's just the absence of
Underwear Mountain.

It smells more like pork chops. Hey,
Steve, you cooking in there?

Hey, guys, dinner will be ready in ten
minutes, but I'll have cold beers and

appetizers ready for you in a jiff.

Huh?

I told you this would work, huh?

Flowers, catered food, laundry, huh?
Yeah, it's like we died and went to the

hospital.

Yeah. Beautiful.

Oh, don't worry.

I moved your Spider -Man puzzle to your
room. Oh, thank God.

I've been trying to finish that thing
forever.

He just 6 -12'd my hat.

Now, here are some cold beers.

And... I've made rumaki.

Bam!

Now, I've also...

washed your sheets, and cleaned out your
closet.

I just want both of you to be happy.

This relationship's gonna work out.

I don't see why it won't, huh?

Ooh, vegetable soup.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Good.

A tad spicy.

Spicy, huh?

Just a little.

I'm sorry.

I ruined everything.

First my marriage, and now this.

No, no, Steve, look.

No.

No.

It's true what they say.

Unlucky in love.

Unlucky in soup.

That's going to get old fast.

Hello, Richard.

Hey, thanks. Where have you been? I've
been waiting forever.

Sorry. I was up all night trying to
finish it.

My boyfriend Jake broke up with me.

Oh, that's too bad.

Hey, I made charts and graphs.

Morning, Drew.

Hey, is that your report?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

I even put charts and graphs in it, you
know, in case any stupid people look at

it.

Okay, what? You want to talk about it,
or... Jake said it's over.

He's going to homecoming without me.

And when I asked him what happened, he
just said...

Like you don't know.

Well, what a jerk.

Without Jake, nothing matters.

You know, I might as well just give up.

I might as well just cut off all my
hair, never move out of my parents'

and just fall asleep in front of the TV
every night.

You know, a lot of people don't consider
that giving up.

people consider that a valid lifestyle
choice goodbye true oh hey

thanks great i hope it all works out and
thanks for everything and hey stay away

from beer it's a gateway drug drew just
finished looking at your report

yeah it starts off really good we
appreciate your recommendation to

the user interface on the inventory
control system well it's just common

but i guess that's in short supply these
days

Somewhat concerned about your desire to
kiss Jake all over?

What? Only Jake's strong embrace can
warm the icy darkness of my soul.

Why, Jake? Why?

I was going to let you be my first.

There's not any charts or graphs about
that, is there?

Fix it. We need it tomorrow morning by
10.

Can you believe he's a 40 -year -old gay
virgin?

I never doubted it.

Hey. Hey.

Get a hold of Grace yet?

Called her a dozen times. Just now, I
think her dad was trying to keep me on

line so he could trace the call.

Well,

I hate to say this, but you might have
to find yourself another job, Drew.

What? No.

No, I like this job.

You don't even know what this job is.

Yeah, but I like the people.

I like the benefits. It pays good.

Plus, I heard some people talk about my
job the other day.

Apparently, it's creative.

Well, if you want to keep that job,
Drew, what do you have to do? You just

to fight for it. Get Grace back with her
boyfriend. I'm sure she'll finish that

report for you.

How am I going to do that? All I know
about teenage girls is what I learned

eavesdropping at the food court.

to the homecoming dance, right?

Well, we will just take her to the
homecoming dance, and I'll figure out a

to get her back with Jake.

Don't you think I'm going to stand out a
little bit at the homecoming dance?

I mean, you know, eating high -fiber
cereal has put a spring in my step, but,

uh... I don't look 15.

I mean, you know, do I?

Drew, it's homecoming. We're alumni.

All right, all right. I'll do it. Good!

Okay.

So could you ask me?

Ask you what?

Ask me if I want to go to the homecoming
dance with you.

Why? Just do it.

Okay, whatever.

You want to go to the homecoming dance?

I'd love to, Drew.

Okay. So the first lesson is free,
right?

Yeah. That's 50 bucks an hour. All
right. First thing you got... What you

need to know about kung fu is that it's
purely defensive art.

All right, come at me.

You're wearing cups, right?

Well, I guarantee you'll remember them
next time.

Mimi, what are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Hey, you're talking.

Well, we'll leave you two to work things
out.

Hey, you guys tricked me. You didn't
want me to teach you kung fu. Mimi, you

don't know kung fu.

They were going to pay me $50 an hour to
kick them in the crotch.

Thanks a lot, Steve. No, wait, Mimi,
please, let's talk. If not for me, then

little Gus's sake.

Okay, you've got two minutes.

I hope this works.

I'm sick of his crying and his slightly
spicy soup.

Hey.

Here's to getting our house back to
normal, huh?

Oh, my God!

Mimi, put that down.

Oh, you whore -blogger!

Oh, my God, they're going to destroy
everything we own.

So what? Everything we own is crap.

Except for the karaoke machine.

No!

Mimi, stop before you do something
stupid.

talking about.

If you hit him with that, he'll be
destroying the most wonderful gifts in

world. The only thing that makes this
nine to five work a day life bearable.

Mimi, please, don't throw away something
that special, that precious in a moment

of anger.

Well, maybe you're right.

Marriage is a sacred thing.

What?

They're right. What we have is precious.
We really should try to work through

this.

Oh. Yeah, that's it, yeah.

You know, Mimi, marriage is a beautiful
thing.

When two people have got it... Mr.
Marriage someplace else, you animals!

Uh, pommel horse. My old enemy.

Oh, my God, they're straight.

And he's talking to a cheerleader.

Okay.

Here is the plan.

I'll distract the little cheerleader,
and you go over there and talk to Jake.

I don't think I can do this.

I think I'm going to throw up.

Okay,

I'm going to go talk to Jake and see
what I can do. Okay, just tell him

something like, you know, how important
these dances are. If he doesn't go with

the one he loves, he's going to regret
it the rest of his life.

True.

Yeah, well, you know, I'm no poet. Just
go ahead.

Kelly, I'm Grace's friend.

Hey.

Um, I don't... I don't know why the two
of you broke up, but, um, I can tell you

one thing. You are not going to do any
better than Grace, okay?

And she really cares about you. You are
going to make me the coolest guy in

school. Thank you. Hey, guys!

Hey!

You done? You want to borrow my belt?

Drew, how would you like it if a 16
-year -old girl stuck her tongue down

your... Oh, never mind.

Hey, uh, bud.

I'm not telling you you have to get back
with Grace, but I will tell you this.

You're not a good -looking kid.

Drew?

Drew, what are you doing?

Wait a minute.

This is Drew?

This is the guy you've been spending so
much time with?

Yeah.

Oh.

Amber said you were hanging out with a
senior. I thought she meant a senior in

high school.

Is that why you dumped me? You were
jealous?

Yeah, I couldn't believe you'd do
something like that to me.

Well, I wouldn't.

I missed you.

I missed you, too.

By the way, I'm not a senior.

I don't know if you kids keep up with
the Reader's Digest, but because of

medical advances, 40 is the new 25.

I'll be right back.

Thanks for getting us back together,
Drew.

You're welcome.

Hey, listen.

I know this is a lot to ask, but can you
come with me and finish that report?

Drew, this is my homecoming down.

I can't do your job forever.

I don't want you to do it forever. Just
until I get vested in my pension plan.

This next song goes out to Grace from
Jake. Sorry for being jealous of the

creepy old guy in the glasses next to
the punch bowl.

The old man.

Down the road.

Great.

Great. Now I'm going to get fired. How
come nothing good ever happens to me in

this stupid gym?

Oh, Drew. Who knows what's going to
happen? But come on. For now, let's just

have some fun.

That's me today.

What?

Why? Just do it.

All right.

Do you want to dance?

I'd love to, Drew.

my car so you wouldn't have to ride the
bus home.

Oh, I'm not taking the bus today. I
thought I'd try something different. I'm

going to throw myself in front of it.

What did your bosses say when you told
them you couldn't finish the report?

Oh, I did it myself and gave it to them.

I figured I'm going to get fired anyway.
I might as well just go through these

books and try to fake it.

Drew, we finished reading your report.

I have to say we are very disappointed.

And?

Well, we understand from the last report
that you're still upset about your

boyfriend breaking up with you.

But this is really subpar work, Drew.

So I'm fired?

No, but it's barely adequate at best.

We expect much better work from you in
the future.

So what you're saying is I'm a barely
adequate internal expediting analyst?

I'm afraid so.

adequate. Pays the same, baby!

Pays the same!

And a one, and a two, and, uh, the boys
learned a salsa.

Am I gonna have a volunteer so I can
show them moves?

But is Drew hot for teacher or Kelly?

We're not this good.

Drew, you're supposed to push me away
now.

Am I what?

I don't think she feels the same way,
Drew.

Stranger things have happened. Didn't
you see Beauty and the Beast?

Beast had a tassel.

Next week on Drew.

I can't look. It's too sexy. It's too
sexy.