Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:04,840
Hi, I'm Lewitt.
2
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:08,780
I have to say you have the most
beautiful eyes I've ever seen.
3
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,240
Hi, I'm Susan.
4
00:00:11,241 --> 00:00:12,199
Oh, hi.
5
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:13,250
Live around here?
6
00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:14,700
Actually, I'm from Seattle.
7
00:00:14,701 --> 00:00:15,759
Oh, Seattle.
8
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:16,810
Nice city.
9
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,250
I read a book about a serial killer in
Seattle.
10
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:22,310
I read a lot of books about serial
killers.
11
00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:26,750
You know, most serial killers get caught
because they boast about their crimes.
12
00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:29,160
It's not a mistake I'd make.
13
00:00:31,710 --> 00:00:33,410
So where exactly do you live?
14
00:00:38,061 --> 00:00:40,029
Well, that's it.
15
00:00:40,030 --> 00:00:42,649
I'm never going to get a date for this
wedding tomorrow night.
16
00:00:42,650 --> 00:00:45,720
Sounds like a special occasion. Why
don't you bring a hooker?
17
00:00:49,030 --> 00:00:52,160
You don't get it. It's not just a
wedding. It's Denise's wedding.
18
00:00:52,161 --> 00:00:52,949
Oh, Denise.
19
00:00:52,950 --> 00:00:55,949
Didn't you go out with her for like two
weeks? Yeah, longest relationship I've
20
00:00:55,950 --> 00:00:57,000
ever had.
21
00:00:57,001 --> 00:01:00,289
When we broke up, she said I'd never get
a good job and I'd spend the rest of my
22
00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:01,339
life alone.
23
00:01:01,340 --> 00:01:03,690
So what? That was under your yearbook
picture.
24
00:01:03,691 --> 00:01:07,659
Yeah, but if I show up at the wedding
alone tomorrow, it's going to prove that
25
00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:08,879
everything she said was right.
26
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:09,930
Oh, don't worry, man.
27
00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:13,210
We'll get you a date. I guess ten
minutes before the bar closes.
28
00:01:13,211 --> 00:01:15,919
You really think you can get me a date
with one of these women?
29
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:16,970
I guarantee it.
30
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:21,960
And we have an early leader.
31
00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:35,690
All this energy calling me back where it
comes from.
32
00:01:36,510 --> 00:01:38,670
It's such a crude attitude.
33
00:01:39,730 --> 00:01:41,650
It's back where it belongs.
34
00:01:42,630 --> 00:01:49,589
All the little chicks with the crimson
lips go Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland
35
00:01:49,590 --> 00:01:54,230
Living in sin with a safety pin goes
Cleveland Rocks!
36
00:02:01,501 --> 00:02:07,289
I appreciate you guys helping me, but
I've been trying to get a date for this
37
00:02:07,290 --> 00:02:08,490
wedding for three weeks.
38
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:13,209
I don't want to hear talk like that.
You're a great guy, and any one of these
39
00:02:13,210 --> 00:02:16,050
lonely, aging alcoholics will be lucky
to have you.
40
00:02:17,650 --> 00:02:18,790
You think she can do it?
41
00:02:19,310 --> 00:02:22,980
Well, she certainly knows all the pickup
lines that worked on her in bars.
42
00:02:23,630 --> 00:02:24,680
Hi!
43
00:02:28,710 --> 00:02:30,950
Excuse me, may I talk to you for a
second?
44
00:02:31,310 --> 00:02:32,360
I guess.
45
00:02:32,710 --> 00:02:33,970
My name's Kate.
46
00:02:34,630 --> 00:02:38,600
And this is kind of awkward because I've
never done something like this before.
47
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:39,800
Uh -huh.
48
00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:47,229
I have a friend who doesn't have that
much experience with women, but you're
49
00:02:47,230 --> 00:02:51,450
very attractive, and I think you and my
friend would really hit it off.
50
00:02:51,810 --> 00:02:52,860
I see.
51
00:02:53,290 --> 00:02:57,510
You know, I had a friend who had
difficulty asking women out, too.
52
00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:01,470
Good, so you know how awkward this is.
53
00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:03,590
I absolutely do.
54
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:07,730
Well, good.
55
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:12,939
So, um, can I tell my friend you'd like
to go out? Well, first, why don't you
56
00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:15,290
tell me a little something about your
friend?
57
00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:21,940
Look where we are.
58
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:26,850
Oh.
59
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:28,690
How'd we get here?
60
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,080
I don't think she's helping you here.
61
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:35,490
It ain't hurting.
62
00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:40,280
There's been a small mistake.
63
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:44,280
I really was trying to set you up with
my friend over there.
64
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:49,210
Oh, goodness.
65
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:53,859
I'm sorry. This is a little bit
embarrassing. No, no, no. It's okay. I
66
00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:57,470
you weren't already gay, you would have
been after you went out with him.
67
00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:02,939
Look, I really do find you attractive,
so if you ever want to go out or
68
00:04:02,940 --> 00:04:04,880
something... My name's Beverly.
69
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,660
Oh, I really don't think so.
70
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,840
Dr. Beverly Johnson.
71
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:14,760
Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to keep
this. I mean, I learned to like tofu.
72
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,300
Oh, I'm so sorry, Lewis.
73
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:22,770
Oh, man.
74
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,230
Don't worry, buddy. I won't let you
down.
75
00:04:25,580 --> 00:04:26,630
I'm going to try her.
76
00:04:26,631 --> 00:04:30,339
Man, I hope he finds someone. When they
RSVP'd for the wedding, I might have
77
00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:31,900
exaggerated about a few things.
78
00:04:32,420 --> 00:04:33,740
Well, that's only natural.
79
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,420
I told him I was one of the X -Men.
80
00:04:35,781 --> 00:04:39,239
What? You said you were in that movie?
81
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:42,550
No. I told him I was the supernatural
demigod who depends the Earth.
82
00:04:42,551 --> 00:04:46,519
My friend right over there. He's the
nicest guy you'd ever want to meet, but
83
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,020
rattling on. What's your name?
84
00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:53,560
That's a really long name.
85
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:56,920
Do you mind if I just call you Ja?
86
00:04:58,260 --> 00:04:59,310
No, English.
87
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,480
I, Russian.
88
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,250
Oh.
89
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,640
Oh, so you don't know what American men
are supposed to be like.
90
00:05:09,460 --> 00:05:10,510
That's good.
91
00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:17,679
All right, now how can I explain this to
you? My friend needs
92
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:19,660
girl.
93
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,060
What is he doing?
94
00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:30,340
I think he's doing Bugs Bunny doing Mae
West.
95
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,659
He needs a date to a wedding, to a...
96
00:05:36,660 --> 00:05:43,659
It's
97
00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:44,710
me!
98
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:47,040
Oh, yeah!
99
00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:48,310
Yes,
100
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:51,360
yes, yes. Come over here, quick! Come
on!
101
00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:02,700
Hey, Lewis, this is Yaya. This is Lewis.
102
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:05,180
Hi. You asked?
103
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:08,970
Oh,
104
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:13,820
I, Marie, you asked for green card.
105
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:17,640
Marry me. No, no, no.
106
00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:20,010
I'm sorry. I can't help you get a green
card.
107
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,340
Oh, well. I guess I'll be back stripping
by the airport.
108
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:26,960
Are you ready? Absolutely.
109
00:06:27,260 --> 00:06:30,580
The end of the summer with the best
movie of the summer.
110
00:06:31,020 --> 00:06:33,760
Ebert and Roper give the Italian job two
thumbs up.
111
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,820
Mark Wahlberg, Charlize Theron, Edward
Norton. The Italian job.
112
00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:39,110
Rated PG -13.
113
00:06:39,140 --> 00:06:40,820
See it again at theaters tomorrow.
114
00:06:43,601 --> 00:06:45,819
What's going on, buddy?
115
00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:47,140
I'll find somebody for you.
116
00:06:47,141 --> 00:06:50,779
Hi. Excuse me. Sorry to bother you, but
a friend of mine is looking for a date.
117
00:06:50,780 --> 00:06:53,070
You seem really nice. Hi. Drew Carey is
the name.
118
00:06:53,071 --> 00:06:56,509
Drew Carey, the one who used to live on
Sedgwick Street?
119
00:06:56,510 --> 00:06:57,560
Yeah, I still do.
120
00:06:57,610 --> 00:06:59,900
I'm Heather Thompson from across the
street.
121
00:07:00,590 --> 00:07:02,880
You guys go ahead. I'll catch up with
you later.
122
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:06,720
Heather! Oh, my God. I haven't seen you
since we were about five.
123
00:07:07,410 --> 00:07:12,050
You know, the last time I saw you, the
babysitter was giving us a bath
124
00:07:12,490 --> 00:07:13,540
Oh.
125
00:07:13,541 --> 00:07:17,509
I don't know if you remember this, but
the first time I saw you naked when we
126
00:07:17,510 --> 00:07:21,300
were three years old, I told my dad I
thought somebody had cut your thing off.
127
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:29,310
And he told me that's what they did to
the boys who didn't clean their room.
128
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:33,660
So to this day, you can just eat off my
bedroom floor.
129
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,580
It was great to see you again.
130
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,840
Yeah. So, um, which one's your friend?
131
00:07:41,700 --> 00:07:42,750
Okay, here goes.
132
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,060
It's that guy right there.
133
00:07:45,780 --> 00:07:48,130
He's kind of cute. Lewis, get over here,
quick!
134
00:07:48,131 --> 00:07:50,979
Heather, my childhood friend, Lewis.
135
00:07:50,980 --> 00:07:52,030
Nice to meet you.
136
00:07:52,031 --> 00:07:54,819
Here's the deal. My ex -girlfriend's
getting married tomorrow. If I go alone,
137
00:07:54,820 --> 00:07:56,810
I'm going to... Say no more. I've been
there.
138
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:58,060
I'd love to help you out.
139
00:07:58,380 --> 00:07:59,430
Really?
140
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:00,650
Oh, great. Thanks.
141
00:08:01,020 --> 00:08:02,560
I've got some friends waiting.
142
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,320
Here's my number. Oh, okay. Call me.
143
00:08:06,140 --> 00:08:07,190
Hey, Heather.
144
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:13,480
Listen, I was just thinking the last
time we bathed together, I had a duck.
145
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,130
A what?
146
00:08:15,131 --> 00:08:17,119
A duck.
147
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,830
It's my favorite rubber duck I sleep
with all the time.
148
00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:23,860
Anyway, I brought it over to your house
and, well, haven't seen it since.
149
00:08:24,660 --> 00:08:28,840
So? Well, I know the duck didn't just
fly away on its own.
150
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,840
Excuse me, are you calling me a thief?
151
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,950
I'll buy you a duck, Drew. I'll buy you
a hundred duck.
152
00:08:35,951 --> 00:08:41,158
I'm not calling you a thief. I'm just
saying if you have any information, now
153
00:08:41,159 --> 00:08:42,899
would be a good time to come forward.
154
00:08:43,281 --> 00:08:49,609
No, that was my favorite rubber duck. I
lost a lot of sleep because of that
155
00:08:49,610 --> 00:08:52,049
duck. Not that I was sleeping so great
anyway, because my dad kept on
156
00:08:52,050 --> 00:08:55,540
threatening to hack off my penis if I
left the laundry toy on the floor.
157
00:08:56,581 --> 00:08:58,629
You're nuts.
158
00:08:58,630 --> 00:08:59,609
I'm leaving.
159
00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:00,660
See you tomorrow.
160
00:09:01,670 --> 00:09:04,650
No. If you're friends with him, you're
probably nuts, too.
161
00:09:06,801 --> 00:09:12,969
Oh, that's it. That's great. That's
probably my last chance to get a date
162
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:13,789
tonight, Drew.
163
00:09:13,790 --> 00:09:15,290
Need a date? I'll fix you up.
164
00:09:15,291 --> 00:09:17,869
Anyway, you're going to fix me up?
165
00:09:17,870 --> 00:09:21,769
She's always fixing people up. She
believes that if she fixes up three
166
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:25,309
and they wind up getting married, she
gets an automatic ticket to heaven.
167
00:09:25,310 --> 00:09:27,480
All right, let's get this camel head a
date.
168
00:09:28,710 --> 00:09:29,760
Excuse me.
169
00:09:29,950 --> 00:09:32,530
Going home alone, I see? Well, you don't
have to.
170
00:09:32,890 --> 00:09:33,940
Really?
171
00:09:34,550 --> 00:09:37,810
Who do you suggest to accompany me?
Wedding ring, you whore!
172
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:51,359
need to ask you a favor would you like
to go out with that guy over there no
173
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:58,259
he's not really my type i hear you he's
a stick fetcher but let me ask
174
00:09:58,260 --> 00:10:01,799
you this would you rather be with a good
looking guy that's going to be tough to
175
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:07,459
hold on to or someone who's going to get
down on his knees every day and thank
176
00:10:07,460 --> 00:10:14,449
the good lord he has you well i guess i
go for the second guy yes We're doing
177
00:10:14,450 --> 00:10:17,640
the weird stuff tonight because you're
going to heaven. Come on.
178
00:10:19,070 --> 00:10:20,810
Lewis, come on, boy. Come on.
179
00:10:21,470 --> 00:10:22,520
Hi. Hi.
180
00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:24,820
I'm Lewis. Did I tell you about my
situation?
181
00:10:24,930 --> 00:10:28,689
Yeah. You know, I don't usually let
strangers set me up, but I guess there's
182
00:10:28,690 --> 00:10:30,109
harm in getting to know each other.
183
00:10:30,110 --> 00:10:31,970
I'm Kelly. Oh, hi. Hi. Lucy.
184
00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:33,420
Thank you.
185
00:10:33,421 --> 00:10:36,229
You're really pretty. I can't believe
you're even talking to me.
186
00:10:36,230 --> 00:10:37,280
Kelly.
187
00:10:37,281 --> 00:10:42,419
The guys who treat you best are just the
nice, regular guys who are happy to be
188
00:10:42,420 --> 00:10:48,819
with you. I could see that. I could also
see a guy so consumed with jealousy
189
00:10:48,820 --> 00:10:52,459
that he'd spend all his time worrying
that his precious jewel might meet
190
00:10:52,460 --> 00:10:53,510
better.
191
00:10:53,780 --> 00:10:58,160
So naturally, he'd get to thinking, if I
can't have her, nobody will.
192
00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:00,790
What?
193
00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:03,220
Oh, I'm sorry. Crazy talk.
194
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:06,680
So where exactly do you live?
195
00:11:17,130 --> 00:11:20,260
I'm a camel -headed, stick -fetching
freak that nobody wants.
196
00:11:20,261 --> 00:11:23,069
Oh, come on. If you couldn't get a date
in ten minutes, that doesn't prove
197
00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:24,630
anything. So what? No, that's it.
198
00:11:24,870 --> 00:11:25,920
Denise was right.
199
00:11:26,210 --> 00:11:29,760
I'm not going to the wedding. I'm going
to spend the rest of my life alone.
200
00:11:30,110 --> 00:11:31,230
Poor Louis.
201
00:11:31,231 --> 00:11:35,089
You know, I'm really worried about him.
We should get someone to check on him.
202
00:11:35,090 --> 00:11:37,330
Yeah. Hey, I know a doctor we could
call.
203
00:11:37,610 --> 00:11:38,660
Huh?
204
00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:42,410
Why would he need a cardiologist?
205
00:11:42,790 --> 00:11:45,150
Well, um, she's a heart doctor.
206
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:46,880
And he's heartbroken.
207
00:11:47,980 --> 00:11:49,200
There's some logic to it.
208
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:55,370
Just because you have coffee with
someone doesn't make you a lesbian.
209
00:11:57,820 --> 00:12:00,080
The world could not believe its own
eyes.
210
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:04,160
Adolf Hitler... The History Channel.
211
00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:07,190
Did you know even Hitler had a
girlfriend?
212
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:13,240
Yeah. You know why? Because Hitler
didn't give up when things got bad. Oh,
213
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:14,330
I guess he did.
214
00:12:16,219 --> 00:12:18,220
Here, have a beer. Oh, thanks.
215
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:20,790
Oh,
216
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,090
that went down easy.
217
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,700
Oh, he's still pretty bad, huh?
218
00:12:35,701 --> 00:12:40,419
All right, mister, you're not going to
lay there and wallow. You're going to
219
00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:41,860
up and fight this depression.
220
00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:49,189
Why are you wearing a baseball uniform?
221
00:12:49,190 --> 00:12:50,570
I'm not. These are my pajamas.
222
00:12:52,490 --> 00:12:53,750
Oh, look at you.
223
00:12:54,130 --> 00:12:55,180
You're a big leaguer.
224
00:12:57,070 --> 00:12:59,960
Where exactly does a man your size get
baseball pajamas?
225
00:13:01,270 --> 00:13:05,029
I just buy a regular baseball uniform. I
have a woman who adds footsies and a
226
00:13:05,030 --> 00:13:06,080
flap.
227
00:13:07,690 --> 00:13:10,890
Lewis, I am going to cheer you up.
228
00:13:11,550 --> 00:13:14,350
I guarantee you'll get a woman.
229
00:13:15,010 --> 00:13:16,060
Really? Yeah.
230
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:22,370
Think about it. Nursing homes have like
a nine to one ratio of women to men.
231
00:13:22,371 --> 00:13:26,629
So what you're saying is if I take good
care of myself, by the time I'm 90, I
232
00:13:26,630 --> 00:13:27,680
could get a woman?
233
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:33,290
No, I'm saying go to a nursing home now
and get some hot Grammy love.
234
00:13:35,530 --> 00:13:36,580
Thanks anyway.
235
00:13:37,470 --> 00:13:40,590
Oh, look, they hung Mussolini next to
his wife.
236
00:13:41,370 --> 00:13:43,660
Must be nice to have someone to do
things with.
237
00:13:45,790 --> 00:13:50,149
Hey, Lewis, good news. I got a woman out
here who I guarantee will never reject
238
00:13:50,150 --> 00:13:51,200
you.
239
00:13:52,710 --> 00:13:53,760
Hi, honey.
240
00:13:54,370 --> 00:13:55,630
You brought my mom?
241
00:13:56,870 --> 00:14:00,840
Oswald dropped by my workshop and told
me about the trouble that you're having.
242
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:06,290
So, I just, uh, blew a bunch of sawdust
up that bear's ass, shoved a cork in it,
243
00:14:06,330 --> 00:14:07,380
and came right over.
244
00:14:07,381 --> 00:14:11,739
You still attached it there, Mr. and
Mrs. Koniski?
245
00:14:11,740 --> 00:14:14,090
What else would I be doing with a big
dead bear?
246
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:17,350
I'm sorry.
247
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,280
So, the answer's yes?
248
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:25,879
Darling, in order to snap you out of
your little funk, I brought you your
249
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:26,930
favorite dessert.
250
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,500
German chocolate cake.
251
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,110
It's not my favorite, it's your
favorite.
252
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,250
Fine, then I'll eat the whole damn
thing.
253
00:14:34,620 --> 00:14:37,160
Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Cut
me a piece.
254
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:40,650
Watch your hands. They've been up a
bear.
255
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,700
Oh, what a beautiful dog.
256
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:47,530
He's just sleeping.
257
00:14:51,540 --> 00:14:53,650
Well, you just can't turn it off, can
you?
258
00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:57,420
Thanks for coming over, Mrs. Gnithke.
259
00:14:57,540 --> 00:15:01,820
You know, I just don't understand why
Lewis can't get a date.
260
00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:06,040
He certainly knows how to treat a woman.
261
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:11,759
Do you know that last year he converted
all my semi -automatic assault rifles to
262
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:13,760
full auto as a Mother's Day surprise?
263
00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:19,270
I bet the guy calls before he comes
around to read your gas meter, huh?
264
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,060
The new guy does.
265
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:27,779
Maybe the reason that he can't get a
girl is that he's always been so much of
266
00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:33,220
loner. Since he was two, he used to sit
alone in his room reading encyclopedias.
267
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:37,230
He was reading when he was two? Sounds
like a genius.
268
00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:39,210
She'll hear you.
269
00:15:39,420 --> 00:15:43,420
He is a genius. We had him tested, but
we never told him the result.
270
00:15:43,820 --> 00:15:46,960
He has an IQ of 162.
271
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,830
Wow.
272
00:15:49,020 --> 00:15:52,390
So he really can't figure a check. He's
just trying to get out of pain.
273
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,240
Well, why did you tell him?
274
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:59,459
Because as a kid, they found out I was a
genius. And then everybody treated me
275
00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:03,400
like a freak. I wanted him to be a
normal, happy boy.
276
00:16:04,140 --> 00:16:06,840
No milk with that cake, please. I'm
hoping to choke.
277
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,260
Listen, you have to tell him.
278
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:13,050
Oh, I can't. Well, if you don't tell
him, I will.
279
00:16:13,051 --> 00:16:17,319
Maybe he'll finally understand why he
has trouble connecting to people.
280
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:22,680
Well, if there is a chance that it could
help him, then maybe he should know.
281
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,760
Yeah, I think it might do him some good.
282
00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:45,939
Charming, huh?
283
00:16:45,940 --> 00:16:47,680
Can't wait to mix alcohol with that.
284
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:55,420
Hi, I'm Monet. Welcome to Mensa for
Singles. Are you new members?
285
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:57,000
I am. I'm Louis.
286
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,370
These are my friends.
287
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,030
They ooh and ah when I say something
smart.
288
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:06,960
I may not be a genius, but I do know one
thing. This is a good homo erectus.
289
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,560
Before you start giggling, that means
man.
290
00:17:11,561 --> 00:17:17,019
Congratulations. You used homo and erect
in the same sentence. Let's get out of
291
00:17:17,020 --> 00:17:18,070
here.
292
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:21,539
I can't go anywhere. I don't feel
comfortable around these people.
293
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:24,400
All right. We're here for you.
294
00:17:24,401 --> 00:17:27,899
Hey, how many beers do you think it
would take to get a smart girl down to
295
00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:28,950
level?
296
00:17:29,220 --> 00:17:32,460
About seven for me and about ten for
you. Right.
297
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:35,810
So, Monet.
298
00:17:35,811 --> 00:17:37,379
That's a lovely name.
299
00:17:37,380 --> 00:17:38,430
Thank you.
300
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:40,680
Well, you're a genius.
301
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,210
I'm a genius.
302
00:17:42,570 --> 00:17:45,760
What's the odds that I can get into
those smarty pants of yours?
303
00:17:46,550 --> 00:17:47,870
Where exactly do you live?
304
00:17:50,230 --> 00:17:52,390
Hey. Oh, look.
305
00:17:52,710 --> 00:17:53,760
You're still here.
306
00:17:54,930 --> 00:17:57,690
Wow. So, uh, tell me, Monet, what's your
IQ?
307
00:17:58,750 --> 00:18:00,790
187. Oh, really? What's that right here?
308
00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:10,899
Guess he had that one. $1 .90 to see
309
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:11,950
that coming, huh?
310
00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:16,800
It's nice to meet you, Lewis.
311
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:21,899
We were just talking about The Last
Tycoon by F. Scott Fitzgerald and how
312
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:25,539
different it would have been if you'd
looked to finish it. What do you think?
313
00:18:25,540 --> 00:18:27,100
Well, it would have been longer.
314
00:18:29,380 --> 00:18:31,160
So what is it that you do, Lewis?
315
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,890
Well, I guess there's no way to take the
stink off this. I'm a janitor.
316
00:18:35,020 --> 00:18:36,070
Oh.
317
00:18:36,071 --> 00:18:39,769
My, and you're a genius. You're sort of
like that fellow in Good Will Hunting.
318
00:18:39,770 --> 00:18:42,600
Did you see that? Was it animated? No.
Then I didn't see it.
319
00:18:44,510 --> 00:18:45,560
Excuse that.
320
00:18:46,970 --> 00:18:49,740
I don't belong here. I don't belong
anywhere. I'm a freak.
321
00:18:49,850 --> 00:18:52,740
Oh, come on, Lewis. You're a genius, all
right? You belong.
322
00:18:52,741 --> 00:18:55,949
But this is new to me. These people have
been geniuses since they were kids.
323
00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:59,629
They've been reading, studying. They're
successful in their lives. I've just got
324
00:18:59,630 --> 00:19:00,680
this big empty brain.
325
00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:03,180
No, it's not empty. You know tons of
stuff.
326
00:19:03,580 --> 00:19:04,640
I know tons of crap.
327
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,110
I know how many cockroaches it takes to
tow a toothbrush.
328
00:19:08,111 --> 00:19:12,359
I know the last meals of everyone who's
been executed in the last hundred years.
329
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:16,739
I know which vice presidents were gay
and which ones were robots and which one
330
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:17,790
was the gay robot.
331
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:20,360
Little Demi Quayle?
332
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:23,570
Maybe.
333
00:19:24,860 --> 00:19:27,580
I'm just a stupid loser genius.
334
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,840
Make a hole, you brainiacs.
335
00:19:33,870 --> 00:19:35,490
room with the dead rat in the wall.
336
00:19:35,491 --> 00:19:39,309
Do you have to do this now? We're in the
middle of a Mensa function, you fool.
337
00:19:39,310 --> 00:19:42,030
Hey, don't call me a fool, lady. I got a
192 IQ.
338
00:19:42,550 --> 00:19:43,630
What are you packing?
339
00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:46,890
Fine, but could you please hurry up?
340
00:19:47,190 --> 00:19:51,149
Well, as John Harvey Stevens said as he
was eating his final meal before they
341
00:19:51,150 --> 00:19:54,310
gave him the chair, we can do it slow or
we can do it fast.
342
00:19:54,570 --> 00:19:56,530
Either way, it's gonna stink.
343
00:20:01,250 --> 00:20:02,570
Hi. Hey.
344
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:07,330
You don't happen to know what John
Harvey Stevens' last meal was, do you?
345
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,100
Well, that's a trick question.
346
00:20:09,101 --> 00:20:12,679
See, in the cell it was chicken. But he
also bit off guard's finger as they were
347
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,939
strapping him into the chair. So
technically, a son was... Son was his
348
00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:18,040
meal.
349
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,800
Would Madame care for assistance with
her dead rat?
350
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:26,690
I'd be honored.
351
00:20:47,399 --> 00:20:49,920
True. Thanks for helping my son, Louis.
352
00:20:50,780 --> 00:20:52,160
Love, Mrs. Knisky.
353
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,040
Yes, look at my butt.
354
00:20:55,090 --> 00:20:59,640
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
28534
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof