All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s07e18 Its A Dog Eat Drew World

Great way to spend a Friday night, huh,
buddy?

Look at the stars, my best dog, eating
grilled cheese sandwiches.

Maybe later on, hanging myself in the
bathroom.

Hey, bro.

Hey, man.

Hey, wow.

You got the new telescope.

Yeah, I'm looking at the rings of Saturn
right now.

You ever wonder whether there was an
equally sad and lonely person up there,

Saturn, staring back at you?

No.

But it has occurred to me that you're
the only one of us that has to rub

sunscreen on his head.

Where is everybody?

They're all working.

On a Friday night?

That's what I said. It's like I never
see them anymore.

Well, that's because they're busy.

Kate's always working at the Rock and
Roll Hall of Fame, and Oswald's got this

nursing thing, and Lewis... You know,
Lewis should be here.

Doesn't matter.

More grilled cheese for us, huh?

Oh, I can't stay, bro.

Mimi got us front row seats to the Lion
King tonight.

You don't want to go see that with her.

Whole time she'll be yelling out, that's
not how you take down a gazelle.

Drew, I am going to the theater with my
wife.

And if you wonder why your friends don't
show up, maybe you should stop looking

out there and start looking in here.

All right, hold on.

I'm going to grab this scope and shove
it up inside there.

See you, Bill.

Just you and me, huh, buddy?

Man's best friend?

Hey.

You love me, don't you?

Is this pathetic?

What?

What's the matter, boy?

Hey, hey! Hey, get away from there! Get
out of my sandwiches, man!

Hey, it's just sandwiches. Let's be
cool, man.

Boy, I'm telling you, there was a time
when a man could eat cheese sandwiches

his backyard without even a gate locked.
Well, not anymore!

No, his nose is just a little bit
bigger.

Yeah, that's... Are you sure?

That face is going to haunt me the rest
of my days.

You better call HQ.

Rusty's back in town.

Rusty? Yeah.

All us guys down at the pound have been
on his trail for years.

Hey, listen, uh, I know you're the
professionals, but, uh, have you tried

dressing like a cat?

I'm having a costume made.

In the meantime, be careful. He's a bad
dog.

He's a bad, bad dog.

Hey, before you go, can I ask you a
question?

My friends were supposed to come over,
but they couldn't make it. You want to

in the backyard with me and have some
grilled cheese sandwiches?

Thanks,

but I'm not gay.

I'm not gay either. I just wanted
something to hang out with.

Oh. Well, actually, I am gay.

Your feelings.

All this energy calling me.

Back where it comes from.

It's such a crew.

So you're going to lunch with your
buddies, eh?

Yeah. I bet you're really looking
forward to it. I know you haven't seen

much of them lately.

Where are you going?

El Tango, that new Mexican restaurant.

Oh, I heard that place is wonderful.

Have a good time.

They canceled on me, didn't they?

Yep.

They didn't.

They've been doing that to me all the
time lately.

Mimi, about this manpower report, I have
a question about page three.

Oh, this paragraph here?

No, no, the one above it, the one
covered in blood and fur.

Oh, I'm sorry, I had that in my trunk
with three dead rabbits.

Oh, I keep a bottle of water and a
couple of balance bars in my trunk in

case of an emergency, but each to his
own.

Look, I've always dreamed of having a
fur coat, but I hate that they kill

innocent animals.

And then I realized there's all this
beautiful unused fur going to waste

our nation's highways.

And I thought, well, why not a roadkill
fur coat?

Whee, doggie Ellie Mae, that sounds
right purty.

At least I only wear roadkill. You've
eaten it.

No, I haven't.

Oh, yes, you have.

Oh, well, time for lunch.

I don't have any lunch. My friend's
cancelled on me.

Well, I've got an idea. Why don't you
sit down? We'll have lunch together.

Okay.

Now, look.

I'll be leaving early tonight.

I'm going out to the country with my
telescope.

Comet Moonson's closer than it's been
since 1894.

8 .78 astronomical units. I didn't know
you were a scopey.

Scobie sounds so silly.

I prefer Telly Boy.

I have an Astro Light 7000 with auto
track.

Kind of equipment he's sporting.

I have an 11 -inch Cosmotron.

11 -inch Cosmotron? I've never even seen
one that big. Are you measuring that

from the base?

You know, there's a great big storm in
Jupiter next week. Maybe we could take

scope out and have a look at it. All
right, that sounds great.

Excellent. And maybe we could go and
look at the moon one night this week.

And maybe we should have matching
jackets that say Stargazer 1 and

Oh, and as best friends, we should have
nicknames. Oh, I know, I know. You'll be

D -Bomb and I'll be The Nige. And
everyone will be all like, oh, look,

comes D -Bomb and The Nige. And we'll be
all like, oh, take a picture and we'll

laugh.

When I say telescopes, I meant bicycles.

I meant a bicycle.

A bicycle. I love bicycles.

Please tell me you're not

on your break.

I'm saving this guy for open heart
surgery.

What are you doing here, Drew? In the
neighborhood, thought I'd stop and say

Drew, this is not some clubhouse where
you can just drop by and say hi.

This is a hospital where professionals
are doing furious work.

I'm sorry.

Ah, what the heck?

You want to help me shave a fat guy?

Would I?

Okay, you take that side, I'll take this
side, and we'll meet in the middle.

Did you sleep?

Yeah, they gave him anesthetic early
because he was such a nervous wreck.

So if this was a cute college
cheerleader, would you get to shave her

Well, if she had a hairy chest and a
heart problem, I hardly think she'd be a

cheerleader.

It seems like forever since I've seen
you guys. Yeah, it's been a week.

Yeah, it seems like longer.

Well, we've been busy.

Yeah.

Just like Lewick. I went to see him at
Drug Co.

He wouldn't see me either. You know what
he's doing?

Huh? He's hitting a monkey to ping the
good ship Lollipop.

Apparently the company's talent show is
a lot more competitive this year.

What's this?

Spongy. It's the tip of his belly
button.

Oh, you better get out of here.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you any
trouble. It's too late for that. Just

go.

What are you going to do?

What are you doing?

Is that fun?

It's okay. The flavor's gone.

develop sense of smell that... But we
have the bomb!

Well, Drew, what do you need me for
that's so urgent?

I'll tell you when Lewis Oswald and
Steve get here.

No, I've got to get to work. The Rock
and Roll Hall of Fame's having a party.

Hey, Drew, what's going on? Yeah, we got
here as soon as we could. Yeah.

Well, someone is trying to take over the
world.

And it could be you.

You called us over here to play Risk?

Or you.

I don't believe this. You tricked us to
get us to hang out with you?

Yeah, well, it seems like we're drifting
apart.

That's the risk I don't want to take,
huh?

Goodbye, Drew. Yeah, bye.

Bye. I'm tired of being the guy who's
always holding things together.

Drew,

there's a pack of wild dogs outside.
They tried to attack us.

Well, it's no big deal. We'll just go
out the back door. All right.

Drew, what the hell is going on?

Drew, do you have any idea why those
dogs are so mad at you?

Uh, no.

So you're saying these dogs are out for
revenge?

Yeah.

and it started over a cheese sandwich.

That's for crying out loud. They're
dogs.

They can't plot revenge.

Wow, that's weird. The phone line's
dead.

Oh, my God.

He actually bit through your wire.

I can't believe these hooligans. In my
day, a dog would never cut through your

wires.

They're just not raised right.

Puppies having puppies, that's what this
is all about.

You know, I've got to get out of here.
Does anyone have a cell phone?

Oh, mine's in the car.

I've got one, but it doesn't get great
reception because it's full of candy.

I've got one, but I locked it with a
secret code and I can't remember what it

is.

Don't worry, I'll figure it out.

1111. Hello?

1111. 1112, hello.

1113, hello.

Oh, wait a minute, it's in my wallet.

It's 1115.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, they're attacking that
little dog.

They left the little guy, and he looks
hurt.

We've got to help him. Let him in. Yeah.

Oh, poor little fella.

Oh, he's trying to walk it off, tough
little guy.

Oh, look. He thinks he's people.

He must be better. He can almost reach
the doorknob.

They do kill us. At least we won't have
to tell anybody we were outsmarted by

dogs.

Listen, the barking stopped.

Do you think they ran out?

I'm going to go take a look.

Isn't this weird?

Remember in third grade that gypsy woman
told me that I was going to die of

being ripped apart by wild dogs in my
own house?

They're tearing into my food, sniffing
each other's butts, and they're crapping

all over the place.

Woo, there ain't no party like a dog
party.

Oh, great.

We're never going to get out of here.

No, someone's going to come for us
eventually.

Oh, nobody's going to come for us, you
fools.

Don't you see this is happening right
now all over the world?

This is no isolated incident. The day of
the human is over.

We're now living on the planet of the
dogs.

Fine. I think we'll walk behind us and
pick up our crap for a while.

Hey, they're not in the kitchen.

Maybe they've left.

I'm going to find out.

Hey, it could be a trap.

Are you crazy?

Hey, you wait to see what I'm going to
do, then decide if you want to call me

crazy.

Oh, look, a nickel.

face it. It was a flawed plan.

Idiot.

I would have been outside if you hadn't
have yelled. What? No.

Why are you guys yelling at each other?
It's all Drew's fault. My fault?

Yeah, you're so selfish.

You just had to see us tonight.

Didn't matter that we all had important
plans.

We had to drop everything and come over
and hang out with you.

Well, I haven't seen you guys in
forever.

It's been a week, you big clingy girl.

All right, it's been a week now, but
next thing you know, it's going to be

weeks. I mean, I know you're all moving
ahead in your careers, but... Oh, except

you, Lewis. Thank you.

Well, you're trying to get ahead, but at
what price?

Oswald, can you tell me the last time
you got drunk?

Uh, no, I can't.

That's right.

Now, just tell everybody I'm doing it
for their own good.

Look, we don't have time to deal with
this now.

Oh. Okay, we do, but I don't want to.

Well, it looks like you got your wish.
We're going to be here all night.

Hey, you know something that can help us
kill some time? It's Drew's High School

Journal.

Oh, come on. We need the entertainment.

June 15th, 1972.

Met another boy at the pool who also
swims in his T -shirt.

Still haven't heard back from Linda
Ronstadt.

Wonder if she didn't like the poem.

Poet? The one I wrote on April 7th. It's
not in there. It's not in there. Oh,

here it is.

Linda. Eternal Linda by Drew Carey.

As I swim in an ocean of my own tears.

Your voice slices through the eternal
blackness of the universe.

I feel your pain.

Cerebellum swells with pain.

Fight for fight.

Love, love, love is all.

Good night, sweet Linda.

P .S. Are you really Mexican?

Hey, get a load of this book.

September 22nd, 1972.

Did it eight times today. Let's see
Timmy Anderson top that.

And he never did.

Hey, you said you wanted to hang out
together. We're hanging out.

I just realized there are no windows in
this room.

I'm feeling claustrophobic. The walls
are closing in on me. I can't breathe.

Hey, I found a case of beer.

Wow, the room suddenly got larger.

Look what I found.

My old rich game.

Yeah, I'm not playing.

Come on, it'll be fun.

Hey, I got an idea.

Let's play a drinking game.

Okay, the rules are really simple.

Every time one of us takes a sip, we all
take a sip.

What do you think? Come on!

I got an idea.

Jeremiah was a bullfrog.

What's your idea?

I don't want to play risk.

I never understood a single word he
said.

But I helped him drink his wine.

Yes, he always had a mighty fine line.

He was saying joy to the world.

All the boys and girls around.

Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea.

And joy to you and me.

Let's all go to the line.

Wow, it's six o 'clock in the morning
already.

Hey! Hey!

Get out of here!

Oh, my God, did you hear that?

What could scare away vicious dogs like
that?

God, you're here. We were trapped down
here by those damn dogs.

We spent all night waiting for you,
wearing nothing but this fur coat.

So death wasn't the end of their
suffering.

Let's go, Steve. I want to get you home.

Sorry to treat you guys. I just wanted
us to hang out together. Yeah, forget

So I'll see you guys here next Saturday
night? Oh, sure.

Really? Saturday?

Oh, yeah. My career can wait.

You know, I'm 42 years old. Where's the
fire?

Louis Koniski presents Bobo the Tap
-Dancing Monkey.

Good, Bobo. Good. And heel. And toe. And
smile. And energy.

No. No flashbulbs.