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Hey, everybody, don't forget, after you
sign up, here's the line where you can
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00:00:04,970 --> 00:00:07,320
get your baby's picture taken for the
program.
3
00:00:07,350 --> 00:00:08,400
Excuse me.
4
00:00:08,750 --> 00:00:11,460
You know, this is the beautiful baby
contest, right?
5
00:00:12,550 --> 00:00:13,600
That's your 20 bucks.
6
00:00:16,010 --> 00:00:17,070
Not a bad turnout.
7
00:00:17,071 --> 00:00:21,409
Good idea, having this baby competition
to promote the new baby wear department,
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00:00:21,410 --> 00:00:22,460
Kerry. Thank you, sir.
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00:00:22,461 --> 00:00:24,029
Still going to be a judge for the
contest?
10
00:00:24,030 --> 00:00:26,860
No, even better. I'm going to be the
master of ceremonies.
11
00:00:27,150 --> 00:00:30,550
I love babies, and I've always gotten
along rather well with them.
12
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:33,840
Excuse me, I'm Nigel Wick, and you are?
13
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:37,360
And you are?
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00:00:37,361 --> 00:00:42,039
Someone who obviously thinks they're
better than me because of my humble
15
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:45,079
beginnings. Well, let me tell you
something, Mr. Baby. You've made an
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00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:46,130
today. Big mistake.
17
00:00:47,831 --> 00:00:49,539
Hey, bro.
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00:00:49,540 --> 00:00:53,240
Hey. You know what? I think your nephew
is a shoo -in for this contest.
19
00:00:53,241 --> 00:00:56,239
Yeah, he's a good looking now. But don't
forget that Mimi Jean. Way to go off on
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00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:57,290
him like a time bomb.
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00:01:04,170 --> 00:01:06,820
Oh, and there's the thing that fell out
of God's nose.
22
00:01:07,430 --> 00:01:10,200
That's the thing from Monaco. They told
me you would die.
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00:01:11,310 --> 00:01:14,380
Bad news, Mimi. I couldn't find a
babysitter for this weekend.
24
00:01:14,381 --> 00:01:16,189
Uh, hey, I'm not doing anything this
weekend.
25
00:01:16,190 --> 00:01:17,240
Did you ask Marcy?
26
00:01:17,241 --> 00:01:18,549
She's pregnant.
27
00:01:18,550 --> 00:01:21,350
So? Well, that's really hard on a 12
-year -old.
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00:01:22,590 --> 00:01:23,640
What about Drew?
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00:01:25,390 --> 00:01:27,130
He was a little creepy.
30
00:01:27,410 --> 00:01:29,370
He was a little worse. Just sad, drunk.
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Worked like a back of crap.
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She doesn't want to impose.
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00:01:35,410 --> 00:01:36,460
Come on.
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00:01:36,461 --> 00:01:39,669
I've been asking you to babysit for over
a year now, and you always come up with
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00:01:39,670 --> 00:01:40,720
some excuse.
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00:01:40,890 --> 00:01:42,810
You can't keep me away from him forever.
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00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:47,869
Well, you know, that sounded a lot more
threatening than I meant it to be.
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00:01:47,870 --> 00:01:51,969
I bet you haven't noticed, Dave, these
long years we've known each other, but I
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00:01:51,970 --> 00:01:53,020
hate you.
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00:01:53,021 --> 00:01:56,529
What, are you going to love someone to
let him watch your baby?
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00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:57,549
Forget it.
42
00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:59,720
Just call the bed and breakfast and
cancel.
43
00:02:00,270 --> 00:02:01,320
No.
44
00:02:01,550 --> 00:02:02,600
What?
45
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,050
Drew's family, and he's going to watch
King Gus.
46
00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:09,000
Besides, you and I need some time
together, just the two of us.
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00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:12,470
I want to make love to you without our
screams waking the baby.
48
00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:16,060
You know, her screams I never
understood. Yours I get.
49
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,100
All right.
50
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:25,439
You've got one chance, but if anything
goes wrong, if one hair on that baby's
51
00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:26,490
head is... Relax.
52
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:28,990
Go to your bed and breakfast. Have a
good time.
53
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:32,210
For Steve's sake, I hope they have a
hell of a breakfast.
54
00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:35,099
Hey, guys, look what we got.
55
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:36,530
Oh, baby.
56
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:41,030
You know, I always thought that treason
would be your first death penalty crime.
57
00:02:41,031 --> 00:02:44,759
No, you know my girlfriend Colleen? It's
her nephew. We're entering him in the
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00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:45,810
contest. What for?
59
00:02:45,811 --> 00:02:49,219
We need the cash to buy new heating
ducts. We fell through the old ones
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00:02:49,220 --> 00:02:50,270
Mission Impossible.
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00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:56,219
You know, most guys, if they need extra
money, they get a part -time job, work a
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00:02:56,220 --> 00:02:59,679
little overtime. At the very least...
They don't crawl through the heating
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00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,120
playing Mission Impossible.
64
00:03:01,121 --> 00:03:03,459
First of all, you shouldn't be holding a
live baby.
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00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:04,439
Oh, too late.
66
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:05,490
Super baby.
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00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:08,110
Spider baby.
68
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:12,640
Baby on the moon.
69
00:03:16,940 --> 00:03:19,410
It's like watching an amateur chainsaw
juggler.
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00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,920
So there's the competition, huh?
71
00:03:23,780 --> 00:03:25,890
Just steal it away from the mommy
gorilla.
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00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:32,520
baby's cute, he can beat that pug -nosed
melonhead any day of the week.
73
00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:36,900
Nobody calls my kid a melonhead. We just
did, melonhead.
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00:03:37,180 --> 00:03:39,350
I'd rather be a melonhead than a doody
head.
75
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,280
Oh, yeah, real mature.
76
00:03:41,281 --> 00:03:44,699
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Guys, better work on
your insults. You know, Little League's
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00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:45,750
only a few years away.
78
00:04:00,810 --> 00:04:01,860
It's got you clued.
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00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:36,589
That's your mama.
80
00:04:36,590 --> 00:04:37,640
See?
81
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:41,560
I'm not asking you to like it. I just
want you to admit it. Come on, mama.
82
00:04:42,410 --> 00:04:45,330
Do you really need all this child
-proofing stuff?
83
00:04:45,990 --> 00:04:50,709
I mean, I like babies and the next
person, but if this is what it takes to
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00:04:50,710 --> 00:04:52,470
them along, well, I just don't know.
85
00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:55,090
Nothing goes wrong.
86
00:04:55,091 --> 00:04:58,049
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm trying to
get Mimi's butt by teaching him
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00:04:58,050 --> 00:04:58,729
something new.
88
00:04:58,730 --> 00:05:00,350
I only got a half hour left. Come on.
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00:05:00,351 --> 00:05:01,389
Come on, buddy.
90
00:05:01,390 --> 00:05:02,440
See mama.
91
00:05:03,310 --> 00:05:04,360
Look at mama.
92
00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:07,220
My dog can flush the toilet.
93
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:09,570
Hey. Hi.
94
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,340
Hey, this is a good idea.
95
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,620
We should drunk -proof our house, too.
96
00:05:15,020 --> 00:05:16,300
For me, it's for the baby.
97
00:05:16,301 --> 00:05:17,859
Oh, wow.
98
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:21,230
You know, if you put them in rehab, you
wouldn't need all this stuff.
99
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,840
Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're all adorable.
100
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:28,330
But the reason we're gonna win is
because we got something extra.
101
00:05:28,331 --> 00:05:30,079
Yeah, here's what we're thinking.
102
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,640
Now, people love music, right?
103
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:32,770
Babies love to cry.
104
00:05:32,980 --> 00:05:34,420
So you put the two together.
105
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:35,899
What do you get?
106
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:37,220
The newborn blues.
107
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:39,940
I'm a little bitty baby.
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00:05:41,180 --> 00:05:42,620
That ain't no boy.
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00:05:43,980 --> 00:05:47,580
My bottle's empty, but my diaper is
full.
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00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:52,650
What do you think?
111
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,150
Thank you for not making it a rap
number.
112
00:05:55,151 --> 00:05:59,859
You know, come to think of it, maybe
this isn't such a good idea. I mean,
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00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,150
only real talent here is wearing
sunglasses.
114
00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:03,930
which is really just having a nose.
115
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:07,429
I need to come up with a new gimmick,
but something simple. We've only got a
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00:06:07,430 --> 00:06:08,480
hours to the pageant.
117
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,220
Hey. Huh?
118
00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:14,400
How about if we teach him to play
checkers against a chicken?
119
00:06:15,570 --> 00:06:19,000
Hey, uh, didn't Rowdy play checkers
against a chicken and beat him?
120
00:06:20,470 --> 00:06:22,490
Then he should beat me in checkers.
121
00:06:23,090 --> 00:06:25,320
Inside, and he'll beat you at checkers.
Okay.
122
00:06:26,770 --> 00:06:28,130
See you later, loser.
123
00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:38,130
If that's any indication, Gus, you've
got this pageant in the bag.
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00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:39,900
What's this?
125
00:06:39,990 --> 00:06:43,240
Oh, it's so cute, Drew. You've got a
little fire hydrant to chew on.
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00:06:43,310 --> 00:06:44,360
Oh, hey.
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00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:49,410
It's a baby dog toy. Can you find a baby
disinfectant wipeser in the bathroom?
128
00:06:50,470 --> 00:06:51,520
Hey, buddy.
129
00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:53,800
How many times do I got to tell you
this?
130
00:06:54,490 --> 00:06:55,540
It's a dog toy.
131
00:06:55,610 --> 00:06:56,660
This.
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00:06:57,310 --> 00:06:58,360
A baby toy.
133
00:07:02,510 --> 00:07:04,560
No, it's baby proof. It'll be right
there.
134
00:07:09,150 --> 00:07:10,200
Hey, it's okay.
135
00:07:10,570 --> 00:07:12,620
All you have to do is press the thing
down.
136
00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:13,930
It opens right up. See?
137
00:07:23,190 --> 00:07:24,690
We've got a baby proofing door.
138
00:07:28,630 --> 00:07:30,430
Why is it baby proofed on the inside?
139
00:07:32,110 --> 00:07:35,780
Okay, there's a logic to this. Now, say
I have to go to the bathroom, right?
140
00:07:35,781 --> 00:07:38,009
Naturally, I'm going to bring the baby
with me.
141
00:07:38,010 --> 00:07:40,430
And let's say I die in the toilet. Could
happen.
142
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,590
House catches on fire, the baby is safe
right in this room.
143
00:07:46,390 --> 00:07:48,070
In a burning house with a corpse.
144
00:07:49,290 --> 00:07:52,420
You can make anything sound stupid by,
you know, repeating it.
145
00:07:55,390 --> 00:07:57,950
Oh, stupid thing. All these stupid
things.
146
00:07:58,170 --> 00:08:00,390
Can you believe this stupid piece of
crap?
147
00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,070
and everything's a quarter, let me tell
you.
148
00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:09,990
Quality, our middle name. What a bunch
of bunk.
149
00:08:09,991 --> 00:08:15,099
I mean, the 25 -cent bucket of crab's
pretty good, but everything else there
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00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:16,150
blows.
151
00:08:16,151 --> 00:08:20,099
I'm going to have to knock it off. Is
there a can of shaving cream or
152
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,150
I can hit it with?
153
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:28,240
Oh, scented candle, bubble bath, and the
Titanic soundtrack.
154
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,850
Sometimes a guy just needs to make the
world go away.
155
00:08:47,630 --> 00:08:48,950
What's he doing out there?
156
00:08:49,810 --> 00:08:50,860
I can see him.
157
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:52,710
He knows it's a long shot.
158
00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:55,100
Hey, Gus!
159
00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:57,410
Get your Uncle Drew a screwdriver!
160
00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:00,020
So upset!
161
00:09:01,850 --> 00:09:05,410
Oh, well, now I guess it's just a
waiting game, huh, Drew?
162
00:09:06,810 --> 00:09:07,860
What's going on?
163
00:09:09,190 --> 00:09:10,650
I can't see Speedy or Gus.
164
00:09:11,541 --> 00:09:17,569
wouldn't worry about it. They had a long
day. They're probably just lying
165
00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:18,650
together, sacked out.
166
00:09:27,410 --> 00:09:29,010
Hey, he's just riding the dog.
167
00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:39,449
He gets one
168
00:09:39,450 --> 00:09:42,520
scratch on him. I mean, he's never going
to let me see him again.
169
00:09:45,050 --> 00:09:48,360
Here, give me something to knock the
thing. Give me those tweezers.
170
00:09:48,410 --> 00:09:49,460
Here.
171
00:09:49,950 --> 00:09:51,000
Watch this. Here we go.
172
00:09:51,470 --> 00:09:52,520
Ow!
173
00:09:53,530 --> 00:09:54,580
Ouch!
174
00:09:54,581 --> 00:09:57,629
It's going to take too long. I have to
knock the door down.
175
00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:59,670
Right. What? I can knock a door down.
176
00:09:59,950 --> 00:10:02,900
Drew, you have an old person's railing
next to your toilet.
177
00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:07,920
Hey, I work hard in here. Sometimes I
get a little dizzy.
178
00:10:40,430 --> 00:10:41,480
feel like a big man.
179
00:10:42,090 --> 00:10:43,140
Oh, great.
180
00:10:44,950 --> 00:10:49,110
Smells like beer and dog food and
bathroom doors been torn up the hinges.
181
00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:50,370
Questions will be asked.
182
00:10:52,090 --> 00:10:56,749
And then Jack fell down and broke his
crown and Jill applied pressure until
183
00:10:56,750 --> 00:10:57,800
pair of masks came.
184
00:10:57,801 --> 00:11:02,829
Steve, you back some soup? Look at you
three. Aren't you an adorable picture?
185
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,609
Yeah, we're just doing a little reading.
186
00:11:04,610 --> 00:11:06,409
Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty broad, isn't it?
187
00:11:06,410 --> 00:11:08,390
Come here, little buddy. Come here.
188
00:11:10,390 --> 00:11:13,520
And what did you learn from your Uncle
Drew this weekend, huh?
189
00:11:17,070 --> 00:11:19,310
Well, he's flipping me the bird.
190
00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:23,829
You know, you teach him to throw a beer
bottle, he gets himself a little brown
191
00:11:23,830 --> 00:11:24,880
span.
192
00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:31,120
I can't believe you taught him to give
me the bird.
193
00:11:31,350 --> 00:11:34,720
Thanks to you, he can skip kindergarten
and go straight to the Navy.
194
00:11:34,721 --> 00:11:40,229
I got locked in the bathroom, and, you
know, when I got the door loose finally,
195
00:11:40,230 --> 00:11:44,130
I might have flipped it off for a second
or two.
196
00:11:45,210 --> 00:11:46,370
Poor little King Gus.
197
00:11:46,371 --> 00:11:49,189
You know what? He would have flipped you
off sooner or later when he realized
198
00:11:49,190 --> 00:11:50,409
the name you stuck him with.
199
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:53,370
No, I can feel his dirty little finger
trying to get out.
200
00:11:53,371 --> 00:11:56,449
You know, Mimi's outside in the car. If
she comes in here and finds out what
201
00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:59,790
you've done, she's not going to let you
babysit anymore.
202
00:11:59,791 --> 00:12:03,449
Okay, wait, wait, wait. He's only doing
it because it's something new. Let's
203
00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:04,770
teach him another gesture.
204
00:12:05,230 --> 00:12:06,550
Let's teach him a thumbs up.
205
00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:09,629
Oh, hey, how about this? How about two
thumbs up like the fox?
206
00:12:09,630 --> 00:12:10,149
Yeah, yeah.
207
00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:11,200
That's a good try.
208
00:12:11,470 --> 00:12:12,520
You ready?
209
00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:15,800
Hey.
210
00:12:16,790 --> 00:12:17,840
Hey.
211
00:12:18,790 --> 00:12:20,070
Hey. Hey.
212
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,730
I can't believe this swept the nation.
213
00:12:24,990 --> 00:12:26,730
What's taking so long?
214
00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:29,330
Just, uh, good stuff on my way out.
215
00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:36,280
Did you miss your mommy?
216
00:12:38,220 --> 00:12:39,360
Did you see that?
217
00:12:40,380 --> 00:12:41,980
He did a Fonzie.
218
00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:46,840
Oh, Fonzie. A perfectly acceptable
gesture, would you say?
219
00:12:47,060 --> 00:12:49,780
It was the cutest thing I ever saw.
220
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,320
Who taught him that? June, I did. Yeah.
221
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,990
Well, you know, I'd like to help out the
nephew.
222
00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:56,059
Yeah.
223
00:12:56,060 --> 00:12:57,560
Well, all right.
224
00:12:57,900 --> 00:13:00,140
You did okay. I guess you can babysit
again.
225
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:01,570
Great. Hey.
226
00:13:01,571 --> 00:13:04,999
I guess I'll be seeing you pretty soon,
huh, little fella? Yeah.
227
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,560
Why is the bathroom door off the hinges?
228
00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:12,990
Did you ever bite crab at Everything's a
Quarter?
229
00:13:16,580 --> 00:13:19,350
And please welcome contestant number
eight, Melissa.
230
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:26,859
Being 30 months out, her turn on mommy,
her turn off absence of mommy, isn't
231
00:13:26,860 --> 00:13:27,910
she?
232
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,540
What single mother needs money?
233
00:13:39,740 --> 00:13:40,940
Oh, sorry. Note to myself.
234
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,580
The leader is still baby Hannah.
235
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:51,460
And our next little baby is Zachary.
He's 40 months old with his guardians,
236
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:52,650
Oswald and Lewis.
237
00:13:54,940 --> 00:13:57,040
And little Zach has a talent.
238
00:13:57,820 --> 00:14:02,419
Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the
magical stylings of the infant
239
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:04,560
illusionist, the amazing...
240
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:16,740
There's nothing up his sleeve.
241
00:14:17,780 --> 00:14:19,900
There is nothing in his diaper.
242
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,680
We will now pull a rabbit out of a hat.
243
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:32,180
Believe your eyes.
244
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:40,780
And now for our final trick, a trick
never before attempted by a baby.
245
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:44,240
Oswald, will you slip the amazing
bambini?
246
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:47,350
into the straitjacket of death.
247
00:14:49,150 --> 00:14:50,490
Please lower the rope.
248
00:14:52,610 --> 00:14:55,190
And the ball of scorpions, please.
249
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:58,770
Hey, somebody stop them.
250
00:14:59,010 --> 00:15:00,210
Shut up. I want to see this.
251
00:15:01,850 --> 00:15:03,450
Time's up, amazing Bambini.
252
00:15:04,410 --> 00:15:06,580
May we have the judge's decision,
please?
253
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:19,100
hair, but any idiot can buy a bowl of
scorpions.
254
00:15:19,930 --> 00:15:23,330
Which brings us to our final contestant,
Baby King Gus.
255
00:15:23,550 --> 00:15:24,770
He's walking myself.
256
00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:29,869
His interests are putting shoes in the
toilet and the boxes that expensive toys
257
00:15:29,870 --> 00:15:30,920
come in.
258
00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:32,550
And the judge's decision.
259
00:15:34,110 --> 00:15:37,090
And the Winfrey Ladder most beautiful
baby is King Gus.
260
00:15:39,910 --> 00:15:43,670
For the mother, a check for $1 ,000.
261
00:15:44,170 --> 00:15:49,910
And for the baby, DVD of the movie
Pretty Baby, which I assume is about a
262
00:15:51,070 --> 00:15:56,269
You must be very proud, Mrs. Burbeck.
And would you like a photograph with the
263
00:15:56,270 --> 00:15:58,070
camera, little man? Leave him alone.
264
00:16:00,750 --> 00:16:04,270
And what about a pose with the American
flag?
265
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,140
great. You're right. Death to the
traitor, baby. Give me that.
266
00:16:42,551 --> 00:16:49,759
What are you talking about? You see how
upset she is? Mimi, if she finds out
267
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:51,659
it's me, I'm never going to be able to
see Gus again.
268
00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:54,579
Come on, it took me a year just to be
able to babysit the kid one.
269
00:16:54,580 --> 00:16:57,879
You know, Drew's right. Mimi's looking
for any excuse to keep Drew out of Gus's
270
00:16:57,880 --> 00:16:58,930
life.
271
00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:01,920
Come on, she'll get over it in a day or
so.
272
00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,199
Look at me.
273
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:04,580
I might never even have kids.
274
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:07,450
All right.
275
00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:12,960
Hey, sorry about the contest, Steve. You
guys got robbed. Yeah, but don't worry.
276
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,359
There's always next year.
277
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:17,868
Hey, do you think we could teach a baby
to shoot an apple off my head with a
278
00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:18,919
crossbow?
279
00:17:19,010 --> 00:17:20,210
What have we got to lose?
280
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:28,680
Hey, Amy.
281
00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:32,180
I hear Steve's taking her to dinner and
the racetrack tonight.
282
00:17:32,190 --> 00:17:35,200
Hey, if you're just the racetrack first,
you'll run faster.
283
00:17:35,950 --> 00:17:38,070
Yeah, yeah, you're a pig, I'm a horse.
284
00:17:38,310 --> 00:17:39,450
What are we doing here?
285
00:17:39,451 --> 00:17:41,009
I'm with you.
286
00:17:41,010 --> 00:17:44,509
Well, how would you like it if because
of you, your kid flipped off the flag?
287
00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:45,730
Mimi, that was a week ago.
288
00:17:46,230 --> 00:17:47,770
I don't think you understand.
289
00:17:47,771 --> 00:17:51,809
You probably don't know this if you look
at me, but my parents weren't the
290
00:17:51,810 --> 00:17:53,310
classiest people in the world.
291
00:17:54,150 --> 00:17:57,400
Well, the trucker and the adult
bookstore owner? Get out of here.
292
00:17:57,570 --> 00:18:01,969
Anyway, I promised myself that I would
bring guts up better. And here it is
293
00:18:01,970 --> 00:18:04,080
almost a year now, and I'm just doing
work.
294
00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:06,100
Here.
295
00:18:06,570 --> 00:18:07,730
We'll be back about 11.
296
00:18:09,910 --> 00:18:10,960
Hey, Mimi.
297
00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:17,120
Gus didn't, uh... Gus didn't get that
from you. He got it from me.
298
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:19,290
He did?
299
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:20,540
I don't believe this.
300
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:24,040
And for a whole week, you let me think
that I was a bad mother?
301
00:18:24,041 --> 00:18:28,119
Yeah, I was afraid if you thought it was
me, you wouldn't let me babysit Gus
302
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:29,800
anymore. Well, you're right.
303
00:18:29,801 --> 00:18:32,579
Because you're never babysitting him
again.
304
00:18:32,580 --> 00:18:34,899
Come on, that's no fair. You did it in
front of him, too.
305
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:35,950
I had an excuse.
306
00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:39,490
I was late for a movie, and I got stuck
behind a funeral procession.
307
00:18:40,540 --> 00:18:41,940
Get out of here. Don't go.
308
00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:43,830
We're going to the racetrack.
309
00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:45,440
Mama.
310
00:18:47,410 --> 00:18:48,460
My God.
311
00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:49,970
He said his first word.
312
00:18:50,450 --> 00:18:51,500
Mama.
313
00:18:51,570 --> 00:18:52,620
That's right, honey.
314
00:18:52,621 --> 00:18:55,789
I'm your mama. I taught him that. I
taught him that. I taught him that last
315
00:18:55,790 --> 00:18:56,629
week.
316
00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:58,920
You did? You taught him his first word?
Mama?
317
00:18:58,990 --> 00:19:02,210
Yeah. I wanted you to think I was a good
influence on him.
318
00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:04,280
Oh.
319
00:19:04,530 --> 00:19:05,580
Mama.
320
00:19:07,750 --> 00:19:11,370
Well, you know what? I can't take Gus to
the track because...
321
00:19:11,810 --> 00:19:15,270
He's allergic to... Horses? Yeah.
322
00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:19,210
Would you mind watching him tonight? I'd
love to.
323
00:19:19,730 --> 00:19:20,780
Okay.
324
00:19:20,890 --> 00:19:21,940
My buddy.
325
00:19:22,490 --> 00:19:23,810
Bye -bye.
326
00:19:24,370 --> 00:19:27,250
Bye -bye. Can you say bye -bye? Bye
-bye. Bye -bye.
327
00:19:29,450 --> 00:19:31,680
If you have four fingers on that, it's a
wave.
328
00:19:40,591 --> 00:19:45,679
Can I wear a better helmet? It just
makes him nervous.
329
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,150
Okay, now hurry up. It's almost time for
your bath.
330
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,620
Maybe you don't need a bath.
331
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:55,930
Okay,
332
00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:58,830
fire.
333
00:19:59,940 --> 00:20:00,990
Whose cat is that?
334
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:02,440
It's God's cat now.
335
00:20:02,490 --> 00:20:07,040
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