All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s07e14 The Curse Of The Mummy

Oh, hey, check it out.

Got a brand new way of getting a job, a
video resume.

Well, why do you have a video resume?
Why don't you just use a regular paper

one? I tried that, but I only had one
regular job.

It said Winford Louder, 1983 to 2001.

Looks like a headstone.

So, yeah, so we pick to shoot the
resume.

After watching all those videos at the
Rockwell Hall of Fame, I've developed an

instinctive feel for what works. An
artist's eye, if you will.

It's her camera.

Anyway, we sent this baby out to every
corporation in Ohio.

Good for you, bro.

Yeah, I decided to go for it. From now
on, I'm going to do whatever it takes to

get whatever I want. Here.

Check it out.

Here.

Here.

He's the big man you want on top.

But is he ready to tackle the job?

Damn right he is. He's yours 24 -7
because he's got no wife,

no kids, no exercise

regimen.

Not only is he a hard worker, he's good
with people.

You can't say Carrie without care.

Huh? What do you think? Well, I liked it
until you killed the baby at the end.

I caught him.

It was a fumble that took ten years off
my life, but I caught him.

Excuse me.

Hello?

It's Doctor and Cammy.

Wow. Yeah, really.

You like the video?

Well, great.

Yeah, why would I need special
furniture?

No, that was just a camera angle. I'm
all under eight feet tall.

Thank you very much. Okay, see you then.

It worked. I got a dinner appointment
tomorrow night with Procter & Gamble for

regional vice president of marketing.

Hello.

Excuse me.

Hello.

It's Citibank.

Citibank. From New York City.

New York City.

Oh, that's awfully nice of you.

Well, thank you very much.

Yes. All right, bye.

They said if I wire $300, they're not
going to cancel my credit card.

All the little chicks will be crimson.

Mr. Wick's not ready for you.

It's a lot of garbage.

Oh, Wick offended the head of the
janitor's union, so nobody's picked it

two weeks.

Good thing you're here. I mean, you
know, to keep the rat population under

control.

I wish there were rats. They all died
last week on the same day. That can't be

good.

Is that my replacement?

Yeah. See if you can figure out where
Wick found her.

Oh, Tawny.

Can you be... me the Newsome file?

So, she's a stripper. Doesn't mean she
can't do the job.

Hello, Carrie.

Glad you could drop by.

I have a business proposition for you.

Come back, or I'll kill myself.

Intrigued?

I'm sorry, sir, but I already have an
interview tonight with Procter & Gamble.

Ah.

Then my offer of your old job back and
700 free hours of AOL.

You know, nine of those just fell out of
my TV guide today.

All right, let's stop messing around.

You always did good work here and you
deserve to be rewarded.

How would you like to be co -manager of
Winford Loudon?

Really? Run the store with you?

You know, a couple of months ago I would
have jumped at that, but not anymore.

I can do better.

Well, that's it, then.

I'll get fired.

I'm ruined.

I'll go back to England a loser.

City boy, no son of mine could ever be a
loser.

Mommy!

Gary,

this is my mommy, Maggie Wig.

Nice to meet you. What a handsome woman
you are.

Thank you.

Nigel has told me so.

much about you, but you don't walk like
a girl.

May I return the compliment?

Oh, you must be the one who married my
sweet Nigel so that you could stay in

country.

Yeah, it's kind of creepy.

I'll look what I'm talking to.

Whoa.

Menopause hit her hard and then dragged
her for 50 yards.

That's a funny joke. Why don't we go
outside and tell a few more like that?

We'll take the stairs. You first.

What are you doing here? I knew you were
in trouble the moment I heard your

morbid little voice on the telephone.

You never could hide anything from your
glamorous mannequins.

You had to have sex with either a
hammerhead shark or... Hammerhead shark.

I'm sorry to interrupt. I have to be
going.

Let's see about my other job. I'm sorry
I can't help you, Mr. Wick.

Mrs. Wick, it was nice meeting you. Aw.

My, the hair on your knuckles is so
soft.

Now, darling boy, tell Mavicans what's
bothering you.

Well, I can't run the store myself, and
Drew won't help me, and I don't know

what I'm going to do.

if we knew who he was. I'm sorry,

I've just ended my rope. Oh, there,
there, there. Mummy will take care of

everything for her sweet little boy.

First, let's tidy you up a bit, shall
we?

Vodka and chewing tobacco. It smells
like her.

Hey, Joe.

Yeah. Hey, before you head out on your
interview, can we borrow your laptop?

Uh, yeah, sure, what for? Well, we need
it for editing.

You got so lucky with your video resume,
we're going to make a commercial about

ourselves to get women. Yeah.

Uh, yeah, look, hey, don't take this the
wrong way, but more information about

you guys may not be the key to success.

This will work, okay? We're going to
show it on the TV down at the Warsaw, so

all the women there know that we're
respectable homeowners. Then they'll

date us.

Kate's going to direct it, and I'm going
to narrate it.

How's this sound?

From the director of the Drew Carey
resume, and a homemade sex video she

she'd erased.

Lewis and Oswald are done in 60 seconds.

Thanks for the computer. Good luck on
your interview. Oh, by the way, Kate,

willing to do nudity if it advances the
story.

What do you guys want now?

Good evening, Mr. Cary.

My, don't you look dashing.

You rogue, you... Oh, I spy a little
spot of lint just here.

Mrs. Wick, what are you doing here?

Why... darling, I thought you might like
a little drinky to calm you down before

your job interview.

Remember, wine isn't the only thing that
improves with age.

Oh, what a shame. I just quit drinking a
couple minutes ago.

I want to talk to you about coming back
to the shop to help my dear Nigel.

Well, I'm sorry. There's nothing I can
do. I have my mind made up. I'm going to

go after this other job.

I see.

Darling,

proper impression with your tie all
askew.

I'll change your mind, dear.

I've changed a lot of men's minds in my
time.

Really? Was one of them Dalton John?

We're both adults here.

Let's settle down and have a reasonable
discussion, shall we?

Oh, naughty boy, let's make this a quick
one, shall we?

If you can find it, you can have it.

Allow me.

Trash, white trash, white trash, trash.

You see, if I shove this in far enough,
I can blow your glasses off.

Maybe later.

I'm here to see Wick. Have you seen him
around?

Nope. He didn't come in today.

What are you doing here? I thought you'd
be working at Procter & Gamble by now.

I was a half hour late, so the guy
wasn't there. They gave the job to

else. Gary!

Good morning, Mr.

Stansfield. I don't know if I ever
mentioned this to you or not, but I've

thought you were the most attractive man
on the board.

Carrie, I'm glad you're here. I've been
trying to reach you. Me, sir? Why?

Wick has been screwing up ever since you
left. He hasn't even shown up for the

past two days.

Really? That's weird. I haven't been
able to get a hold of him either. It

doesn't matter.

We need you, Carrie.

How would you like to be manager of
Winford Louder?

Manager?

Boy, I really appreciate it. I feel
uncomfortable taking the job under these

circumstances. Well, if it's not you,
it's going to be somebody else. Yes or

It's your decision.

Wow.

Just think.

All this could be mine.

Hey, there's some duties. Roll the tape,
Tim.

Now, I don't care if you're rich and
handsome. If you don't own a house, get

out.

girl have to go to find a guy with a
house?

The bar of the Warsaw.

Right below the television.

Built by clowns and decorated by gays.

Imagine yourself here.

I'm going over to the bar. How about
you?

Oh, man, I can't believe it. We build a
house, we make a commercial.

You think it's us?

Yeah. Obviously, this bar is full of
fatties, whiners, prudes, baldies,

and she -males.

Hello, Bob!

could I purchase with this?

It's only 39 cents.

All right. I also have a ketchup packet
and a

citation for public urination.

Yeah, all right.

Oh, my God, Mr. Wick, you're drunk.

Yes.

Well, Mr. Wick, what happened? You've
been sober for three years.

Well... I'm allowed special dispensation
on certain days.

Christmas Day, New Year's Day, and Drew
pounding it to my mother day.

That must be an English holiday.

Wait a minute. You're telling us that
Drew had sex with your mom?

I saw it with my own eyes.

That's not all.

given my mom the old Twig and Berries.

He stole my bloody job.

All right, come on.

You're drunk, you're babbling.

Let's get you to rehab. Everything will
be just fine. Wait, wait, wait.

Drew loves you, right? The best revenge
we could have is for you and me to do it

right here. No, no, no.

You're not looking your best tonight,
but that's all right.

willing. Come on, Mr. Wick. Hey, what's
the rush? Let's stay here and think

about this for a while.

We're going to take you to rehab now.

All right, all right, but I have to go
to the men's room. I haven't relieved

myself since 9 .32 this morning.

Man, I have never seen him this bad. I
mean, he thinks that Drew stole his job

and slept with his mom?

Hey, everybody.

Guess who's the new manager at Winford
Lauder?

Isn't that Mr. Wick's job?

Not anymore.

Hey, Drew, have you seen Mr. Wick's mom
lately?

Yeah, started the other day. Man, what a
wrestling match that was.

It's true.

Poor Mr.

Wick. You know, the guy's in the
bathroom right now probably puking his

because of you. Is he really? I've been
looking all over for him. Let me go talk

to him. Oh, man.

Must have pulled something when he
rolled over on his mom.

Oh, my God.

Well, he did say he'd do whatever it
took to get ahead.

But making Wick crazy by having sex with
his mom?

Yeah, I mean, if you're gonna have sex
with anybody's mom, it really should be

Oswald's mom.

Hey, you're talking about my mom.

Come on, you don't think your mom is
hot?

Of course she's hot. She's super hot.

Could somebody please say something?

I think he went out the window. I'm
going to try to see if I can find him.

knows what he might be up to.

Huh. I can't believe it. Our best friend
is a ruthless bastard who has no

respect for other people.

Wow. Do you think he still respects us?

Oh, sure.

Except for you, mother lover.

That's a betrayal!

That's a betrayal!

I'm trying to kill you.

Help me up.

Geez, are you drunk? Yes.

And let me tell you another thing.

Even though you impregnated my mother
and made me your brother, I will never

call you father.

This might be hard to believe, but your
mother came on to me, okay? Nothing

happened. Oh, please.

You know me? You know your mother? You
know how she is? Would I do something

like that?

Well, it is kind of hard to believe.

Hello. I hate to think of mother that
way.

Then, you know, then they fired me and
everything.

God, it's just too much.

Come on, you weren't doing the job
anyway. You were hurting a lot of

know.

She misses as much as I do.

I'll tell you what.

I'll take you to rehab. I can take you
tonight.

And I promise I'll do my best to get you
down back at the store, okay?

As manager?

No, no. Something you can handle.

All right.

Do me a favor.

Don't judge my mother too harshly.

She wasn't always a tramp, you know.

used to dance topless in a cage.

And that's how you should remember her,
sir. Oh,

hey,

Drew, did you talk to the board? What
did they say?

I'm sorry, they won't give you your job
back. They're concerned about your

drinking.

That's crazy. They should be concerned
about my drinking.

with Mr.

Stansfield here, and he's agreed to give
you a job at the store again.

Really? What could you have told him?
I'd probably get down on my hands and

knees.

Carrie, I thought it over, and with you
and Mr. Wick as... Co -managers. Co

-managers. You make a fine team.

Are you kidding me?

You can't do this job. You'd practically
ruin the place. A deal is a deal, Mr.

Carey. You cannot take this job away
from my Nigel.

Wait a minute, Mummy. What?

Well, I learned at my AA meetings I have
to take responsibility for my own life.

Carrie, this is your decision.

You must do what you think is right.

Why do you have to turn into a human
being now?

I suppose I'd better give him his job
back, otherwise he'll just show up at my

house dressed in God knows what.

Perhaps something of yours, dear.

I've been told I look quite fetching in
a man's shirt.

I mean, I can see you fetching.

I'll tell you what.

He can be co -manager, but I defintely
say so on all the decisions.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. I
can change, I promise I can. You can

count on me.

That was a belch, not an evil laugh.

You are a good man, Drew. You just saved
my son's life.

Can I buy you a beer?

Yeah, sure, why not?

Hey, you know, maybe after you can help
me get my refrigerator out of my

basement.

This is an old family recipe to thank
you for helping my adorable Nigel. Oh,

looks great.

Oh, I got lemon juice in my eyes.

It's okay, I know the highway.

I can't believe he thought through such
a jerk.

I mean, if he was so ruthless that he
never would have hired Mr. Wick back,

right? Yeah, and then thinking he would
jump Wick's mom.

He must have been nuts.