All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s07e12 Hotel Drew

You know, I do not like seeing animals
dressed as people.

Some people think it's funny, not me. I
think it's degrading.

Leave me alone. I know I look
ridiculous.

It so happens we were doing something
for your nephew's future.

We went to an interview at the Bradford
Academy.

He's only a year old.

Well, you have to register early for the
best schools.

Yeah, and the Bradford Academy wants
students that come from...

High quality, upstanding families.

Okay, what are you looking at? The
show's over.

Good heavens, Miss Jones, you're a
hideous.

Oh, yeah? Well, let's see what you look
like without glasses.

Oh, you look better.

How many fingers am I holding up? Oh,
Mimi, remember, you're a Bradford mother

now. You can only hit the help.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Mr. Wick. Yeah, we got the TV
all set up. Everybody gather around.

time for Mr. Wick to do a cell
conference from Hawaii.

Yeah, go ahead and just about five
seconds. Bye.

Greetings from sunny Hawaii.

What had the dolphin I swam with this
morning said?

Times are tough for the Winfred Lauder
family.

The economy's soft, sales are down, so
everyone's got to tighten their belts.

Ah, my lobster's ready. Thank you,
Kukui.

Starting now, we're instituting a 20 %
across -the -board pay cut for everyone

below store manager.

I know you're angry at me, but don't
worry. I'm about to get my punishment,

Kukui, I'd like you to smack me sharply
on my bum.

much worse than a 20 % pay cut.

Back to the grind zone, everyone.

No,

we're never going to get to send King
Gus to a good school.

Goodbye, Harvard.

Hello, working for everybody that went
to Harvard.

Public school isn't that bad. I mean, we
all went to public school. Look at us.

Oh, my God.

Well, this is the last straw.

You think I'm working here for 15 years
because I love this job? Well, I do not.

I only worked here because it wasn't the
worst paycheck in town. Well, now it

is. And I've had it, you hear me? I'm
done. I am through.

Good for you, little brother. I've been
telling you for years to quit this job.

I'm not quitting. I'm complaining.

Drew, you can barely survive now. How
are you going to make ends meet?

Maybe I should sell my coin collection.

Boy, I think this would be worth more
than $8 .35, wouldn't you?

I know we're the first people to answer
the ad, but what do you say? You want to

rent us the room?

Well, you know, you seem like a nice
couple.

Welcome to my home.

Did you hear that, babe?

We got it!

By the way, what size mattress is that
in our bedroom?

Is that a queen?

It is now.

energy calling me back where it comes
from it's such a crude

attitude back where it belongs all the
little chicks with their

crimson lips go Cleveland Rock Cleveland
Rock living in sin where the safety

bed goes Cleveland Rock

Morning. Hey, good morning, sleepyhead.
Breakfast is almost ready.

Boy, you know, you've cooked something
fantastic every morning this week.

Oh, what is that?

That's what I use to wax Mitch's back
with.

I know you're joking, and it's
delicious.

I'm not joking. And thank you.

Hey.

Hey. We got you a welcome to Drew's
house present. Oh, potpourri.

What's that?

It's what you brought us.

Dead flowers that smell nice.

For eight bucks?

Still got the receipt?

Good morning, happy housemates.

Good morning. Morning, Lester.

Hey, Les, Mitch, you guys are gay,
right?

Yes.

Great. Boy, we'd like to get you guys
out in the park right now.

That's very flattering, but we're in our
60s. That's a young man's game.

Actually, we built a house out there,
and we could use some help decorating

We can't afford any professional help,
but you guys are...

Born professional.

Hey, hey, hey.

That's a stereotype, okay? I mean, human
resources for a lot of years.

Stereotyping is bad.

Puts people in a tiny little box.

True, you delicious man.

I could eat you with a spoon.

Then again, stereotypes gotta start
somewhere, right?

Actually, we do have a pretty good eye,
and we'd be happy to help because you're

Drew's friends.

Oh, thanks, man.

Yeah, it's our pleasure, Oswald.

Sorry,

it's my first gay handshake.

Good job. Thank you.

You better finish your breakfast, Drew
Carey. You're going to be late for work.

So what if I'm late? What am I going to
do? Doc, am I going to pay another 20 %?

Why don't you just find another job?
Tell Whitford Lauer to take a flying

Hey, it's tough out there, all right? If
I could find another job, I would.

Believe me.

Hey, you know what?

Come to think of it, there's an opening
at Drug Co.

How does Drew Carey Professional Monkey
Cutioner sound?

Drew, listen.

We know how hard it is to get work in
retail these days, but we know the CEO

Gormans Park Avenue.

Wow.

That's a fancy place.

You know, sometimes I'll take the Sunday
paper, go to the men's room there, just

make a day of it.

Hey, I don't mean to be pushy, but do
you think you'd give me an interview

him? Sure, we'd be happy to call him.

Hey, a face like that should not be
killing monkeys.

Thanks, but, you know, don't get your
hopes up. It's kind of a long shot.

Don't sell yourself short, Drew. Let's
give him a call right now. To the

bedroom.

Hey, guys. Hey.

What are you doing?

Les and Mitch wanted us to choose
between these two tiles for our bathroom

floor. What do you think?

I don't know. Let's see.

But I'll never drink again.

Call 911.

Call 911.

I think the first one's okay.

I can't believe you guys went behind my
back. What can gay men bring to

decorating a house that I can't? A
feminine touch.

Hey, buddy.

How'd the interview at Cormac go?

Great. I'm the new vice president of
operations.

You know what's really great about it?
Really super special great? I have a job

I can't possibly do.

I'm way over my head. I am totally
screwed.

What's with him? I don't know. Maybe
yelling bad things in a happy tone makes

you feel better.

I once drove up on the sidewalk just
to...

It does help you.

I mean, who am I kidding, right?

I'm not cut out for this. I've been a
Woodford Lauder for 20 years. That's all

know. Drew, relax.

It's natural to be nervous.

Wow.

Smells good, though. You smell like...
You smell like Alpine forest.

A big, sweaty Alpine forest.

Drew. Drew, congratulations.

Michael called. He really liked you.

Congratulations, Drew. I'm really proud
of you.

Fuck, what the hell?

Straight men sweat like mules.

Hey, listen, thanks, guys. I don't think
I could do this job. I mean, I'm

overseeing dozens of people. I got a
huge budget. I just can't do it. Drew,

we've all had changes in our lives that
we've been afraid of.

I lived a lie for 20 years until I had
the courage to come out and say, Dad.

I don't want to be a longshoreman.

I just want to walk on the beach and
hold the hand of a longshoreman.

Thanks, I appreciate the thought, but
I'm just kidding myself. I can't do this

job.

Drew.

Drew, everybody has a little voice in
their head. Put there by their parents,

their teachers.

I call him Mr.

Negativity. Oh, I know him.

And that's the voice that says, you
can't do it. You're not good enough.

Hey, my parents never said anything bad
about me. The only voice they put in my

head says, Oswald, you can do anything
you want.

Oswald, the sky's the limit.

The older I get, the more I hate that
friggin' voice.

I never really thought about it, but I
do doubt myself sometimes. I never knew

where it came from. Well, and now that
you do, you know you have the option to

turn it off.

Okay, you can tell it you're in control.

So, Drew, stay.

I'm in control.

I'm in control.

I didn't believe you, Drew. Yeah, you're
right. I'm a loser, huh? No.

See, that's the voice. Now tell it to
shut up. Shut up. I'm in control. Good.

You believe it? Yes. Okay, then get out
there and do it. One problem. Work

doesn't start for 12 hours.

Well, we'll do it again in the morning.
Okay.

I have a question.

If you hear a big clock ticking louder
and louder, is that the same as a voice?

Hey, don't give me those excuses, buddy.
I'm the new vice president of

operations, all right? And I want those
reports on my death at 5 o 'clock or

you're fired.

How's that?

Yeah, it sounds great.

Have you checked your pits yet?

I don't have to check my pits. First
thing in the morning, I'm like, oh, my

I'm a fat woman in the South.

Wow, those are some pit stains, Carrie.

So, did you get the notice about the
changes downstairs?

Oh, yeah, yeah. This week's Sloppy Joe
Week in the cafeteria.

Looks like I showed up at the right
time.

Yes, we're all excited about the new
meat, Carrie.

But I was talking about the budget cuts.
You have until Friday to lose $200 ,000

from the budget.

$200 ,000?

What are you, high?

Maybe it's low or maybe it's right on
the money. I don't know.

Look, I understand if you're a little
nervous, Carrie. It is your first day

here, but don't you worry.

We have all the confidence in the world
in you.

Hey, nice guy.

Sounds like he took a chance on you,
huh?

Big mistake.

What, you again?

Listen, I'm on to you. I don't have to
listen to you anymore.

I'm interested.

Fine, you go ahead.

Pretend you're working.

I'll keep myself busy. I got a little
reading to do.

Oh, hey, look.

Some of your old report cards.

Let's see what these have to say.

Cries easily.

Seems thrown by the simplest tasks.

Only companion appears to be failure.

Would you shut up?

Where's Mr. Positivity?

Oh, hey, look, I'm sorry.

Listen, you're just tired.

Take five minutes. When you wake up,
you'll feel like a million bucks.

I can't. I have all this work to do.
Don't worry about it. You got till

Yeah, I am better under pressure.

Exactly.

Close your eyes.

Start to dream.

Maybe there you're a winner.

We finished decorating it this morning.
We couldn't wait for you to see it.

Ta -da!

What do you think?

I think I like it.

I think I love it.

I love it, too. I just wanted you to say
it first.

We just want to thank you for letting us
take little bits of ourselves and put

them all over your walls.

That would have been prettier.

I wouldn't talk about pretty in that
shirt.

Enjoy. You guys can't really like this
place.

Of course we do.

Gay guys did it.

It's got great taste. We didn't think we
were going to like goat cheese or

inside the actor's studio either until
the gays made us try it, huh?

Look, huh? On the surface, this doesn't
look like much, but when you really look

at it, it's great art. Yeah.

It ain't bulletin board, you moron.

Oh, a bulletin board.

You know, the more I look at this place,
the more I like it. Oh, you've got to

be kidding.

No, it's like that old story, The
Emperor's New Clothes.

Everybody thought they were beautiful
except for the town idiot who thought he

was naked.

Yeah, you have it backwards.

Do we, Kate?

Do we?

Do we?

It's like she's trapped inside her own
small mind.

As you can see, our main problem is the
overlapping of departments. What I would

propose is to move these guys over here,
and this guy over here, and you take

the rest of his staff, and you put it
over here under this guy.

That way you don't have to hire any more
holiday people, and then we save $150

,000.

That's impressive, Drew.

You've really hit the ground running.
Thank you.

Now, what about the other 50 ,000?

To tell you the truth, I haven't really
gotten to that yet.

I'm back in the game.

But looking here, I can see maybe
there's a little more room for some more

consolidation.

We can take this guy, move his staff
over here. We don't need him anymore.

And we have this guy's staff over here,
and we don't need him, totally.

Oh, wait a minute, that's me.

As you can see, I proved that you don't
need me around here.

That's a mistake. Because what kind of
idiot would fire herself?

That was rhetorical, jackass.

Surprise!

I got fired.

Told you he'd blow it.

our presence.

Tell me what happened.

Well, I presented a very persuasive
argument that I was dead wood.

True.

I'm sorry things didn't work out.

This may not be the best time to tell
you this, but we're moving out.

What? Yes, my uncle died and left us a
lovely old Victorian house in Vermont.

We're going to decorate it ourselves and
turn it into a B &B.

And you plan to make a living in this
bed and breakfast that you guys decorate

yourselves? Yes, we're spending all our
money on it.

Well, we're all phasing ourselves out
today, aren't we?

Well, I guess this is it.

Goodbye, you princes of the Midwest.

Good night, you kings of Ohio.

See you, Butch.

And just like that, the house is
straight again.

Great. I lost my job and I lost my
renters.

Don't worry, Drew. If you lose your
house, we have this large, weird,

shoe -like thing we assume is a bed you
can always sleep in.

Excuse me.

Sure.

Ah! Mr. Wick, what are you doing here?

I jumped back from Hawaii, and I heard
you'd taken a job at Gorman's.

Yeah, that's right.

Right, well, I'm not going to lie to
you. The stores are shambles since you

left. I need you to come back. But I'm
not going to beg.

Instead, I've written an offer on this
piece of paper, which I think will tempt

you to come back.

All it says is, please come back.

No, no, it doesn't. It says, please come
back.

Well, that's very interesting, because I
just got fired from my job today.

Uh -huh.

So I hold all the cards.

In that case, I'm through asking. I'm
now demanding. Come back.

Please.

You know, I'm desperate.

I just lost my renters. I have no money.
I have no other prospects for work.

Which makes what I'm about to say even
crazier.

No.

What?

I think I can do better.

No, you can't.

None of us can.

Drew, it's tough out there. You get a
job offer, you should take it. I mean,

can be years before you're offered
another job.

I don't think it's going to be years.

You know, I did a good job at Corman's.
I can do a good job somewhere else, but

not Winford Louder.

I'm tired of settling.

I'm going to find a job that I love.

I'm going to love this job.

The door's wide open.

We've been robbed.

Is there anything missing?

I don't know.

You know what? I think we just left the
door open.

Hey, wait a minute. This stuff wasn't
here before.

Oh, my God. People are dumping their
garbage in our house.

Wait a minute.

You know what?

This looks really good right here.

I like it.