All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s07e08 How Beulah Gets Her Groove Back.eng

Check it out. Look what we got.

Come here, boy.

Oh, did you get a dog?

Better.

It's a lot cuter than some of the girls
you brought over here.

Hardy har har. No, it's our battle bot.

Yeah, we built it to fight in the
competition at the Warsaw.

Aren't you afraid it's going to outsmart
you and make its slaves?

Through its head as a toaster.

I repeat.

Okay, laugh if you want, but if this
baby wins, we get a thousand bucks to

into our new house. That's right. It's a
lot more expensive to build the house

than we thought, even when you're doing
it yourself.

Well, if you need extra money, why don't
you just get second jobs or something?

Well, we could, but could... But could a
second job do this?

See the spider on the table?

I think we burned ourselves some cookie
dough. No, no, that's for my parents.

They're coming to visit me for a couple
of weeks.

Oh, two weeks.

Sorry, man. What a hassle.

No, it's great. I mean, it's all cake
mix and cookie dough and stuff. I'm

looking forward to my mom baking all of
it for me.

You know, between the insane asylum and
the bigamy, it's been kind of a rough

patch.

I like having the folks around. You
know, it kind of reminds me of the good

days. Dealing lumber with your dad at
midnight.

Faking a fit at the 7 -Eleven while your
mom shoves bologna down her bra.

Hey. Hey, Kate.

What do you think of our new robot?

Wow. Talk about a chick magnet.

Hey, Kate.

Glad you came over.

So, you still mad about her breakup?

Yeah, I was pretty upset after what you
did to me.

But I found a way to channel my anger.
I'm taking yoga classes.

Oh, good.

Yeah. Look what I can do now.

she's just trying to punish you Drew be
strong I also learned this

grandchild would have come out of.

Oh, Drew.

Oh, Oswald. It's so good to see you.

And Lewis.

There you are.

Oh,

look, there's a spider in your kneecap.

What the hell is this?

It's our new robot. We built it.

Really? I think you should take another
look at the picture on the box.

Oh, Kate, we were so sorry to hear that
Drew married you and that other poor

girl. But since he's our son, we're
telling everybody that you cheated on

Dad, if you ever come to Florida, you
remember, you're the cheater.

Oh, so they think I'm a slut in Florida?

So what? I've been known as a slut in
Florida since spring break 1981.

Ha!

I'm glad you showed up. I have a lot of
plans. I was hoping that you could bake

me some cookies while Dad and I shot
some pool.

Well, we'd love to, dear, but we were
thinking about doing something a little

different this time.

Let's go, Mom and Dad. We got a lot to
do.

What's going on?

Oh, no, honey, I hope you don't mind,
but just this once, we were planning on

staying with Steve and Mimi.

You don't have a problem with this, do
you, son? No, I'm fine. It's fine.

Oh, great. Cookie dough. Now I don't
have to go to the store.

Tomorrow. Oh, we're going to the zoo all
day tomorrow.

Oh, that's good. Your parents are
finally going to meet my parents.

Leave your sister -in -law alone.

We'll see you on Thursday.

Oh, actually, we're going to take little
Gus to his first brewery.

Just stay by the phone. We'll call.

We'll call.

I can't believe this.

My parents would rather stick with Mimi
than me?

It's not as nice as a hug from my mom,
but it'll do.

We're not controlling it, Drew.

Back where it comes from.

It's such a crude attitude.

It's back where it belongs.

All the little chicks, the criminals.

One of these days takes me about an hour
to get ready.

I've got 11 different things I've got to
do with my teeth.

Oh, it's so nice to have the whole
family together.

Yeah, but all but Drew. I can't believe
that he didn't show up.

Mimi, are you sure that you called him?

Oh, yeah. I clearly told him where to be
at 8 o 'clock.

Mind if I join you?

Actually, I'm waiting for my mom.

In the next hour, couples drink free.

I'm Drew. Have a seat.

Well, you know Drew. He's probably off
with the boys.

I'm going to bed, Mom.

Oh, Stephen.

Good night.

We'll see you later.

Take your mom hat off for one minute and
admit it. That boy's got a great butt.

You say just whatever's on your mind.

Sometimes I envy that.

Oh, Mom, leave that.

You sure?

Oh, yeah, you can get it later.

Okay, what do you want to watch?

Tennis.

Gardening.

Oops, that's a naughty channel. Turn
that off.

That's okay, Mimi. You know, last night,
I couldn't sleep. I came down here. I

watched that exact same movie.

Really? Yes.

She gets the job.

I can't believe you watched a dirty
movie.

Way to go, Mom!

Well, you know, we don't get that
channel at home, and I was kind of

Although, I must say, the acting was a
little over the top.

Well, you know, they're not professional
actors. They're mostly strippers and

runaways.

No, I didn't mean that. I meant that,
you know, in real life, there's no

for a woman to scream and thrash around
like that.

You're telling me you never had a
reason?

No.

I shouldn't complain. George has been a
wonderful provider. He's put a roof over

my head, and I've been staring silently
at it for 45 years.

Beulah, you know what you got to do?

You got to tell George, if he don't blow
the whistle, he don't ride the train.

a little passion in their life.

Hey, hey, hey.

It was just for the drinks.

There is no we, Kevin.

No, I would have gone over to Mimi's
house and killed her for sending me that

place if it hadn't been two -for -one
apple martini night.

Hey, guys.

We have perfected the ultimate killing
machine.

Nothing on earth can stop this
juggernaut from hell.

So, what do you want to try?

I've always hated the hat rack in the
living room.

Actually, it can't go over a rug.

But, watch what it does to this banana.

At least now we know it's a boy.

I told you we should have used the
spinning saw.

No, no, the death hammer will work. We
just need to weight it differently.

I love it. I wouldn't change a thing.
It's a little something for the ladies.

Hey, Dad.

The suitcase.

Your mother and I are through.

Lord knows she's always been hell to
live with, but this time she went too

Well, I left her.

And I'm coming home to die.

My God, what happened? None of your damn
business.

And now, I'm going to go soak in the tub
for an hour.

Loosen things up.

And then I need you to go at me with the
loofah.

You know, I wouldn't mind so much, but
he always fights it.

Hey, pig.

Hey, I wanted to talk to you. What did
you say to my mom?

Oh, I don't think you want to know.

Oh, yeah, I want to know.

I don't think you do.

Look, my dad left my mom, and now he
won't talk about it, so you damn well

better tell me what she said.

Your mom's upset because she's never
climaxed.

she's never climaxed a thing?

That's right. She's not happy and you're
going to have to talk to your dad about

pleasing her. Oh, I don't want to hear
it.

Well, you're going to have to hear it.

Now, I talked to your mom.

You being adult about this and go teach
your dad your mom's launch code.

Man,

I could use an appletini right now.

Your parents love each other.

If you want to save their marriage, just
help me out here. Well, help them out.

All right, I'll do it. I'll talk to my
dad.

Good.

It won't be so bad. I'll just casually
bring it up tonight while I'm bathing

him.

Hey, bro.

Thanks for the invite.

Perhaps you did pretty good today.

Yeah. Hey, listen, uh, I thought we'd
watch the game a little bit, then at

halftime, instead of tossing the ball
around, we could teach Dad how to get

off.

Excuse me?

That's why they're fighting.

He's not, uh, you know.

True, it's just to fight him, and
they'll work it out. I don't want to

about this.

We have to talk about this. Dad isn't
making Mom happy in bed.

Well, I am not going to talk to Dad
about how to make love to our mom.

Look what you made me say.

Mom, you have sex with Mimi. You already
have a taste for the macabre.

Knock it off.

Besides, if anybody should talk to him
about it, it's you. I mean, you're more

familiar with Mom's private parts.

What kind of comment is that?

Well, you're younger. You were the last
one out.

We'll both talk to him about it.

Oh, boys, you're ready for the big game.

Yeah. It's going to be a good one. Yeah.

Let's do it. You think the Browns got a
shot this year? Yeah, if they stay

healthy.

Yeah, I hope they don't get shut out.
You know, it's a shame when both teams

play a game and one team doesn't get a
chance to score.

That's right.

And then one of the teams has to roll
over and go to sleep crying.

I hate that.

Your boys never were too good at the
sports patter, were you?

But I'm willing to work at it until my
sports patter satisfies you.

Oh, jeez. All right, I see where this is
going.

Oh, boy, I suppose you guys want me to
give you orgasms, too, huh?

We didn't do this in a restaurant.

Look,

Dad, we know this is a sensitive topic,
but Mom isn't happy and we just want to

help you work these things out. You
can't help because what she's asking for

impossible.

Everybody knows women don't really have.

What? The female orgasm is a myth.

Like the unicorn.

Yeah.

Look, Dad, I know you come from a time
when all that matters is what the men

want. But you live in a different time
now.

All right.

Now you listen to me, boy. You listen to
me good.

I spent three years in Korea torching
commies out of caves.

I raised two boys.

I worked 40 years at a job I hated.

I'm tired.

I just want to lay there and get mine.

Well, who doesn't want to do that?

How about mom getting hers? I mean,
after all these years of marriage, don't

think you could talk to her and find out
what it takes to make her happy?

I'm not Don Juan. I'm an old man.

You can do it, Dad. Maybe we can help.

Great. The two playboys in the Western
world are going to tell me how to please

a woman.

You know what?

Maybe we know a little bit more about
this stuff than you might think.

Now, listen.

Now, pretend that this potato...

Pretend this is Mom's...

Mom's area.

A potato.

They must be having the talk.

Look, maybe you guys could come back a
little later.

With all due respect, I hardly think a
potato can convey the subtleties and

nuances of human sexuality.

On the other hand, Ultra Death and
Murder Saw just might be what the doctor

ordered.

Okay, Mr.

Carey, that's you, and this is Mrs. T,
and you're coming at her.

Now, when you do this, you'll want to
have some soft music playing in the

background.

Got it.

So I flip her over.

and tell her parts fly all over the
room.

Hey, Kate.

You see my dad? I've been looking for
him all day.

I was going to give him my Better Sex
Over 60 video.

Your Better Sex Over 60 video?

I didn't buy it. I just rented it and
never returned it.

Yeah, excuse me. Someone's robot is
having sex with my foot.

Attention, losers.

I'm going to be unavailable for gawking
in the next few minutes because I'm

going to go to the ladies' room and find
myself a proper lesbian mate, okay?

Hey, I've been worried about you. Where
have you been? Good to see you, son, of

course, but your mom and I are heading
back to Florida a little early.

Oh, you finally worked out your problems
with her, huh? Yeah, you were right. I

couldn't throw 45 years of marriage down
the drain, so...

I asked your mom what she wanted.

I did it.

It took me, and I'm not exaggerating,
ten minutes.

Well, Drew, it was wonderful to see you.

Come on, honey. Yeah, babe. Let's get
going.

Bye, Mom.

See you, kid. We'll see you at
Christmas.

No surprises. Don't come barging in.
Call first.

Check it out. We took the wreckage from
Ultra Death and Murder Saw and combined

them into one devastating death machine.

Attention, geeks! Behold your doom!

Terror has a name, and it is... Lord!

Um,

excuse me.

But my robot can kick Lloyd's butt.

Oh, yeah? Well, bring it on!

Okay, you ready?

Three, two, one.

Let's see what the judges say. It could
go either way. Okay.

There he is.

Hey.

You should have told us.

You don't have to be ashamed.

Be proud of who you are.

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