All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s07e07 Its Halloween, Dummy

Hey, Drew.

We know you're kind of feeling bad about
the breakup of your two marriages.

Yeah, so we decided to do something to
cheer you up.

Oh, that's okay. I'm not really in the
mood for pedicure right now.

This is better. We've upgraded our
regular friendship services to our new

special, very new friendship platinum.

That's right. It includes sincere hugs
and appreciative laughter at your worst

jokes.

What are you talking about? I tell good
jokes.

Damn right you do.

Oh, man,

is that tooth still bothering you? You
should really have that looked at. Hey,

know the script dentist you can go to.

His gloves are cherry flavored and his
waiting room is filled with old used

porn.

That's crazy. I'm not going to a porno
dentist.

I've got a coupon.

Hey, we're building a house. We can't
afford to waste money on tea.

Hey, what's with all the college
catalogs, Drew? Well, now that I don't

Kate and Nicky anymore, I figured I'd
take some classes.

Yeah, I wanted to do something
meaningful with my time instead of just

it.

Good evening, everybody.

I'm Professor Henderson.

Good evening, Professor Henderson.

All this energy calling me back where it
comes from.

It's such a crude attitude.

It's back where it belongs.

All the little chicks with the crimson
lips go Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland

Living in sin with a safety pin.

What happened to Mr. Wick? He didn't get
fired, did he?

Nah, the store's been sold again. The
new owner's taken over Wick's office, so

he's sticking him out here with
everybody else.

Wick doesn't stand a chance.

He'll take a shank in the yard the first
day.

Hello, everyone!

Hello! I've got kisses for all my
friends!

Please, do you think that's going to
turn everybody around after the way you

treated them? Who do you love?

see what it says about our new owner.

Not interested, Gary?

No, my work isn't my whole world
anymore.

I don't want to end up some sad,
pathetic loser whose work is his whole

Isn't that right, Terry?

Yes, it is, Daddy.

Okay, here's the scoop on the new boss.

Roger Newsome, self -made millionaire.

He's got a zoo in his backyard.

Oh, he likes to watch his employees
huddled around a computer as they read

him so he can make a dramatic entrance
from behind a cubicle wall. What the

is that?

Hello, everybody.

Oh, yeah.

Hello.

Wasn't that fun? I love having fun at
work. Actually, I can have fun anywhere

because I'm rich.

Mr.

Newsome, welcome to Winfred Lauda. I'm
Nigel Wick.

Here's the keys to my office.

I'm European, so the pressure on the B
-Day is set extremely high.

Actually, I would rather be out here
with the workers, but if you really want

lock yourself away in your ivory...

Hi, Mr. Nissen. I'm Drew Carey. It's a
pleasure to meet you. Are you sure you

don't want it in your own private
office? No, no, no. I'm comfortable

in a cubicle. It's where I spent the
first 15 years of my career as the

assistant human resources director of
Penny's.

Wow.

That sounds just like my life. Hey, did
you read a whole pie in a shed?

What boy didn't?

I wouldn't get too close to this one,
sir.

Oh, look. I've uncovered a very
disturbing hobby.

Is this yours, Drew?

Yeah, it's just a hobby. I mean, I
always wanted to do something to make

happy, so it was either ventriloquism or
stripping.

What'd that tell you?

He's a loser.

Did she just call us losers?

I don't believe it. You're into
computers? You like ventriloquism?

Wow, if you had cookie dough in your
briefcase, I'd have to ask you to marry

Yeah, I'm telling you, if there's
anything you need to get settled in

just let me know, okay?

You know, actually, Drew, every
Halloween I throw a charity event to

for the children's hospital.

Now, this year, you know, I got my hands
full with this place.

So I would take it as a personal favor
if you would come up with some

fundraising ideas for me.

Maybe we can have, you know, a haunted
house.

Well, that's the lamest idea.

I love it.

And you are?

Oh, Mimi Bobet Carey. I'm manager of the
Winford Louder Woman's Store.

Oh, good.

I want to talk to you. Oh. You know,
that store is losing money.

And if you don't turn it around, I'm
going to have to make some changes in

management.

And on a personal note, could you leave
some makeup for the store to sell?

You know, I like the way you think,
Drew.

As a matter of fact, I would like to
hear a lot more of your ideas. So, have

thought about where we can get a house?

You mean for you and me, sir? No, for
the haunted house.

Excuse

me.

I'll be back.

I'm looking for the International
Council of Dental Hygiene.

I have a coupon?

Yes, this is it.

Please, come in, come in, come in.

Hi, I'm Dr. Kritik. Oh, why on a boat?

Oh, well, I have a dental degree from
Russia, but I don't have working papers

America yet, so until I do, I have to
practice in Canadian waters.

Have a seat.

Oh, thank you.

Wait, wait, wait. You're really going to
go through with this? Hey.

This thing's killing me, all right?
Besides, don't judge a book by its

huh? Did we run out of that restaurant
when that rat had its babies in the

bar? Right,

we went and had one of the best meals of
our lives, huh?

And we got a pet, huh?

All right, Doc, strap me in.

Okay.

It's time we set sail on Lake...

into tongue.

You would be screaming really loud if I
had not paralyzed voice box.

Okay. Third time is charm.

Lake

is

a little choppy today.

Too dangerous to use needle.

I will vaporize tooth with homemade
milk!

It is very safe, plus makes pretty
light.

Oh, no, it's all right. It will be stiff
walking for a couple days.

All right. Now this laser beam, very
dangerous.

On three, we both close eyes.

Oh, it's not a costume. The dentist
screwed up, so he won't be able to walk,

talk, or see normally for the next
couple of days.

Here's something to make you feel
better.

Chetney? Chetney? Chetney?

Anyway, thanks for helping out with the
house. What are you going to come as

tonight, Oswald? I'm going to come as a
zombie, but Lewis can't make up his

mind. What do you think?

I think it should be, um...

Groucho Marx?

Or do you think he should come as Cher?

Hey, I have an idea, and you only have
to use a costume. Why don't you just

as Frankenstein?

Place looks great.

Thanks. You know, Mr. Newsom's the one
we really have to impress. He's going to

be here any minute.

What are you dressed as? I'm a Florida
tourist.

Kate. Hi. How you doing?

I wasn't going to come to your party
after the way you screwed me over.

But it is for charity. And I did think
of the perfect costume.

Guess who I am.

Kate O 'Brien.

Yep.

Hey, hey.

She came to my party.

Yeah,

they rented out the zombie costume they
promised me, so I yelled at them

until they gave me this.

The last mushroom they had.

I even tricked him into giving me a
discount. For once, I'm thinking with

Oh, hey, good for you, Lewis. You
decided to come as Frankenstein after

No, no, no. It's Don Johnson from Miami
Vice.

See the rolled up sleeves?

No. Oh, for crying out loud, Lewis,
you're...

You're Frankenstein.

Thanks

a

lot, Drew. Now I have to go out into the
night and find him.

Hey, Mr.

Newsome. Great costume.

Turtle, huh?

Scariest animal that carries his house
on his back.

You know, I think it's almost impossible
to kiss my ass through a show, but by

golly, I think you found a way.

No, no, seriously, Drew, I am so proud
of you. You have done a wonderful job

here tonight. As a matter of fact,
you've done a great job in everything.

Tomorrow, I am telling the board to
implement your health plan. As a matter

fact, all of your plans.

Really? Oh, yeah. And you know what else
I'm going to tell them?

I'm going to tell him that I want you to
take over managing the store for Mr.

Bidet. I mean, Mr. Wick.

That... That is the nicest thing that
anyone's ever done for me.

Sorry, I got a little sad in my happy.

You know, we're going to be a great team
running that store.

Now, I would like to see the rest of
your haunted house.

Oh, you're going to love it. I got all
kinds of surprises all over the place.

Come on, I'll show you.

Sir? Oh, my God, no!

Drew, we've got big problems.

Yeah, I know.

I'm beginning to think this isn't a
mushroom costume.

Sir, I'm sorry. We did everything we
could for him.

The number of the coroner? He'll come
pick up the body.

Thanks.

I can't believe it. He was such a nice
guy.

If this were a scary movie, this would
be the part where he comes back alive

kills us all.

Let's get the hell out of here.

I cannot believe that you guys are
afraid of a dead body.

Ah! He's trying to kill me!

I can't believe this. You know, he was
the only owner that went for the lot of

her head or ever gave a damn about the
place. You know what makes it worse?

Right before he died, he said he was
going to promote me to manage the store.

Wow, that's some responsibility,
fulfilling a final request.

Yeah. That's why I don't let anybody
dying tell me nothing.

I remember when my grandmother was on
her deathbed, she whispered, Come here,

honey. I took three steps back and said,
No way, Nana.

No one's going to believe me anyway. I
mean, nobody heard him promote me.

They're going to think I just made the
whole thing up.

Too bad Mr. Newsome couldn't have hung
on until that board meeting tomorrow.

Yeah. Then he could have told everybody
what he wanted himself.

Maybe.

He still cares.

Oh, guys, this is kind of creepy.

Oh, come on, Drew.

Remember your boss's last words? Take
care of the store for me.

Good luck,

Drew. And remember, if you start off
with a joke, people forget you have a

guy on your lap.

Everybody sit at the end of the table.
He has a bad cold. He doesn't want

anybody catching it.

Hello, Mr.

Newsome.

Carrie?

Well, nobody else is going to say it. I
will. Why are you sitting on Carrie's

lap?

Uh -huh. Okay.

I'm going to do a lot of talking for Mr.
Newsome today because he has a terrible

cold. Get to the lap. Why is he sitting
on your lap?

Well, he has the chills and he's sitting
on my lap to keep warm.

You know, in Amsterdam, this is quite
common.

I agree. Let's get down to business.

Thank you, everybody.

I'm going to keep this short because I
can't talk very long.

You're officially fired as manager at a
loan store.

What?

Newsom, you're going to pay for this.
Who can run that store as good as me?

I don't know.

How about a monkey?

He said monkey. M's are hard to say when
you have a cold.

Thank you, Drew.

I now would like to talk about
instituting a new health plan.

What did he say?

I don't know. I thought he said, toot,
toot, toot, I want a healthy plan.

Here, here, here, a healthy plan.

He said health plan. He wants a new
employee health plan. All the paperwork

right here.

I would now like to discuss the
leadership of the store.

All right, now I heard that, the
leadership of the store.

Uh, this concerns you, Drew.

Me, sir?

Me, sir.

Me, sir.

Quit talking like a numpty.

I will now drink a

glass of water while Mr. Newsome speaks.

You know,

you went wrong. You got too cocky. Shut
up.

Attention, everybody.

I've been demoted from manager of the
woman's store.

I am now Mr. Wick's assistant. again.

I could be angry, but I'm not, because
I'm drunk.

No, you have the wrong extension.

Please let me transfer you to
accounting.

Mimi, I know you're drunk, but I hope
you still remember this in the morning.

You little...

See how tough you are without a hand up
your butt.

Get your hands off me, you damn dirty
ape.

Holy crap!

Ever see a wooden tongue?