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All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s07e02 Drew Careys Back-to-School Rock n Roll Comedy Hour 2

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:05,500 A playground full of happy children, unaware that a monster lurks among them. 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:06,600 Its name? 3 00:00:06,820 --> 00:00:07,820 Cooties. 4 00:00:08,820 --> 00:00:10,560 Hi, I'm Drew Carey. 5 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:15,920 Every year, over three million of our young people contract cooties because 6 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:16,920 don't know the facts. 7 00:00:17,660 --> 00:00:20,480 Fact! You can't get cooties from a toilet seat. 8 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:23,860 Fact! You can't get cooties from a swing. 9 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:26,320 How do you get cooties? 10 00:00:26,700 --> 00:00:29,720 By talking to or coming in contact with... 11 00:00:30,060 --> 00:00:31,740 A member of the opposite sex. 12 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,080 I thought it was okay to talk to Bobby Bishop. 13 00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:38,400 He didn't look like the kind of boy who carried cooties. 14 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,860 Fact. All boys have cooties. 15 00:00:41,380 --> 00:00:44,780 Here at the Center for Imaginary Disease Control, we're working around the clock 16 00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:45,780 to find a cure. 17 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:50,620 Ten years and 60 million dollars later, here's what we've learned. 18 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:55,500 The most virulent strain comes when you're touched by a boy or girl who 19 00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:56,500 likes you. 20 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,840 So please support your local Cooties Foundation. 21 00:01:01,340 --> 00:01:05,920 And with your help, someday we'll be able to say to Cooties, yeah, yeah, 22 00:01:06,220 --> 00:01:07,360 you're it. 23 00:01:18,860 --> 00:01:21,160 All this energy calling me. 24 00:01:22,100 --> 00:01:23,820 Back where it comes from. 25 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,100 It's such a crude attitude. 26 00:01:28,490 --> 00:01:30,130 It's back where it belongs. 27 00:01:31,030 --> 00:01:38,030 All the little chicks with the crimson lips go Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland 28 00:01:38,030 --> 00:01:44,590 Living in sin with a safety pin go Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks, 29 00:01:44,590 --> 00:01:51,150 Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks. 30 00:02:08,950 --> 00:02:10,270 Congratulations. You're a cheerleader. 31 00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:13,950 You're going to get whatever you want in your life because you're pretty and, 32 00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:15,290 let's face it, limber. 33 00:02:15,950 --> 00:02:19,790 Now, cheerleading isn't just for high school. It's a skill you'll use 34 00:02:19,790 --> 00:02:20,870 your whole life. 35 00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:26,090 As your new president, I promise a bipartisan approach. Hey, hey, 36 00:02:26,090 --> 00:02:28,170 can all just kiss my ass. Just kiss it. 37 00:02:28,650 --> 00:02:29,970 Pucker up and kiss it. 38 00:02:45,740 --> 00:02:50,000 I might walk a little funny, but my walk is me. I might start it when I talk, 39 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:53,540 but I say what I see. I don't want to be with every other little thing that's 40 00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:56,480 proven. I do a lot of things that I shouldn't be doing. 41 00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:00,900 I'm doing everything you might have had in mind. I'm a consistent, belligerent, 42 00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:01,980 solidified mind. 43 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:07,140 Rhyme's no freak, suburban star. I ain't got no money and I got no car. 44 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:11,660 I might make far, but it don't take much. You gotta ride very far, cause the 45 00:03:11,660 --> 00:03:15,740 ride on luck. I stay pretty stuck in the rut like I should. You know, I do 46 00:03:15,740 --> 00:03:18,220 prefer the love of everything that's still good. 47 00:03:18,460 --> 00:03:22,460 I don't know why I come here, but I know I'll never leave. 48 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:27,460 It's the only place I wanna be, yeah, yeah, yeah. 49 00:03:28,460 --> 00:03:33,140 I don't know why I come here, but I know I'll never leave. 50 00:03:34,190 --> 00:03:38,170 It's the only place I wanna be, yeah, yeah, yeah 51 00:03:38,170 --> 00:03:50,150 Oh, 52 00:03:50,190 --> 00:03:54,630 I'm a long way gone, but I ain't short -lived I got deep, deep pockets that 53 00:03:54,630 --> 00:03:58,750 like a sieve I get one ticket throughout the course of the night If I don't go 54 00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:03,040 home, you know I did things right I'd like to see my dad die I ain't that guy. 55 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:07,160 Everything I ever did, I always did on the fly. I like to ride the wave. 56 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:11,260 It ain't that tough. Piling through a lot of stuff, I do just enough. 57 00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:15,600 I drive in a place you might see up there. There ain't nothing you can ever 58 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:16,600 to make me give up. 59 00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:20,760 Stay pretty stuck in the rut like I should. You know, I do it for the love 60 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,280 everything that's still good. 61 00:04:22,540 --> 00:04:26,540 Don't know why I come here, but I know I never leave. 62 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,520 It's the only place I wanna be, yeah, yeah, yeah. 63 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:37,200 I don't know why I come here, but I know I'd never leave. 64 00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:42,260 It's the only place I wanna be, yeah, yeah, yeah. 65 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:47,740 I like to sit down and do them bars, but my street car straight don't stretch 66 00:04:47,740 --> 00:04:48,740 too far. 67 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:53,340 On the move, going nowhere fast, and you can tell the whole world they kiss 68 00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:58,530 my... I'll take a pass, be the last in line. If it takes ten years, I'm gonna 69 00:04:58,530 --> 00:04:59,469 just fine. 70 00:04:59,470 --> 00:05:03,830 Oh, I saw the signs, the grass ain't green. If I love, then the bottom of a 71 00:05:03,830 --> 00:05:04,830 bottle of bean. 72 00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:10,170 To go McLean just seems so jaded. If being undirected's underrated, but I 73 00:05:10,170 --> 00:05:14,130 hate it. I'll stay stuck in the rut like I should, and I do it for the love of 74 00:05:14,130 --> 00:05:15,650 everything that's still good. 75 00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:19,850 Don't know why I come here, but I know I never leave. 76 00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:24,890 It's the only place I wanna be, yeah, yeah, yeah. 77 00:05:25,750 --> 00:05:30,550 I don't know why I come here, but I know I never leave. 78 00:05:31,510 --> 00:05:35,910 I don't know why I come here, but I know I never leave. 79 00:05:36,710 --> 00:05:41,290 I don't know why I come here, but I know I never leave. 80 00:05:42,130 --> 00:05:46,270 It's the only place I wanna be, yeah, yeah, yeah. 81 00:05:47,310 --> 00:05:48,950 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 82 00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:07,090 Crackers! Crackers! Crackers! Crackers! Crackers! Crackers! 83 00:06:09,890 --> 00:06:12,990 What's a three -letter word for an Asian mammal? 84 00:06:14,210 --> 00:06:15,210 I don't know. 85 00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:16,370 Yak. 86 00:06:17,630 --> 00:06:19,390 Yep, that's what I have. 87 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,480 Hey, rookie, have a seat. 88 00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:26,900 You're going back to high school. 89 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:28,160 What? Yep. 90 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,400 You're going undercover. 91 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,900 Word on the street is some students at Central High are experimenting with 92 00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:34,900 illegal drugs. 93 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:38,720 If we stop it here, perhaps we can keep it from spreading to our nation's 94 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:39,980 treasured jazz musicians. 95 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,040 Wow. So I'm finally going undercover. 96 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,780 That's right. From now on, you're just another student. 97 00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:54,930 What's up, Gene? 98 00:06:56,390 --> 00:06:57,390 What's the dillio? 99 00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:02,510 Man, those threads are the bitch. 100 00:07:08,670 --> 00:07:09,670 Yo, 101 00:07:09,910 --> 00:07:13,090 yo, my homies. I would like to purchase some marijuana cigarettes. 102 00:07:13,810 --> 00:07:15,950 What are you, crazy man? You're a cop. 103 00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:19,610 Please. Would a police officer wear his hat like this? 104 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:23,920 This is great. 105 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:27,480 According to your report, nobody in high school is using drugs. 106 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,000 No, nobody. 107 00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:32,580 They fornicate like rabbits, but no drugs. 108 00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:36,020 Okay, well, we have a new assignment for you. 109 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:40,940 According to an anonymous tip, the mob is involved in some illegal activities. 110 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:46,120 Please. Would a police officer be wearing a fedora? Forget about it. 111 00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:12,500 Thank you. 112 00:08:36,110 --> 00:08:37,270 It was juvenile. 113 00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:39,549 It was something wild. 114 00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:41,270 Part of every child. 115 00:08:41,590 --> 00:08:44,590 Yeah, you had to be there. Tough and tough. 116 00:08:44,930 --> 00:08:46,330 It was peace and love. 117 00:08:46,630 --> 00:08:47,790 All of the above. 118 00:08:48,470 --> 00:08:50,250 Yeah, you had to be there. 119 00:08:54,130 --> 00:09:00,590 I can't stand so full of it. 120 00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:05,270 Don't tell me. 121 00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:07,290 It's something that you never knew. 122 00:09:13,130 --> 00:09:15,710 You strangers ain't a stranger. 123 00:09:18,570 --> 00:09:21,230 Always reaching for the other hand. 124 00:09:23,550 --> 00:09:25,770 You were hard to understand. 125 00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:27,390 It was you and I. 126 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:30,930 It was something wild. Part of every child. 127 00:09:31,290 --> 00:09:33,970 Yeah, you had to be there for Santa. 128 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,580 It was peace and love, all of the above. 129 00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:39,880 Yeah, yeah, that's what we did. 130 00:10:19,150 --> 00:10:20,150 Hello everybody. 131 00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:25,030 At the water. 132 00:10:28,310 --> 00:10:33,390 I want you to stay with me. 133 00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,970 Get to be there. 134 00:10:39,610 --> 00:10:41,590 Get to be there. 135 00:10:42,170 --> 00:10:43,170 Get to be there. 136 00:10:43,690 --> 00:10:44,890 You had to be there. 137 00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:49,170 You had to be there. You had to be there. It was juvenile. 138 00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:53,030 It was something wild. Part of every child. 139 00:10:53,410 --> 00:10:56,410 Yeah, you had to be there. Tough and tough. 140 00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,190 It was peace and love. 141 00:10:58,410 --> 00:10:59,570 All of the above. 142 00:11:00,030 --> 00:11:01,930 Yeah, you had to be there. 143 00:11:02,550 --> 00:11:06,590 Juvenile. It was something wild. Part of every child. 144 00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:08,750 Yeah, you had to be there. 145 00:11:08,970 --> 00:11:10,010 Tough and tough. 146 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,240 It's for peace and love, all of the above. 147 00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:15,520 Yeah, you have to be there. 148 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,160 This is a little awkward. 149 00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:54,200 It's okay, Mimi. I'm over you. I've moved on. 150 00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:58,060 Look me in the eye and tell me that. 151 00:12:00,060 --> 00:12:01,100 I can't. 152 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,700 Peter, I'm married now. 153 00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:07,320 You've got to get on with your life. 154 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:12,840 How can I forget you when I have to look at this every day? 155 00:12:16,010 --> 00:12:19,150 Ten minutes in a bathroom in a state park. Get over it. 156 00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:22,990 Whiskey. 157 00:12:33,130 --> 00:12:34,130 Hey, Julie. 158 00:12:34,930 --> 00:12:35,950 Looking good today? 159 00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:38,430 Hey, Julie. 160 00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:39,990 Would you like to dance? 161 00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:43,530 Oh, no. 162 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:46,460 Ah, what a time to get a zit. 163 00:12:47,540 --> 00:12:48,540 Ah, 164 00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:50,019 ah, ah. 165 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:52,840 I wouldn't do that if I were you, my friend. 166 00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:54,680 Who are you? 167 00:12:55,140 --> 00:13:00,300 I'm just a pimple about town who's forgotten more about women than you will 168 00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:05,260 know. Now, if you want to win over this Julie, you better listen to me. 169 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:12,540 First of all... It's Julie 170 00:13:12,540 --> 00:13:13,279 right now. 171 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,280 What do you think? 172 00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:17,900 Ah, say, she's a pretty lass. 173 00:13:18,140 --> 00:13:20,500 Reminds me of a whitehead I dated back in 42. 174 00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:24,840 Now, let's onward to victory. 175 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:29,540 Hi, Julie. 176 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:35,500 Max. Tell her her eyes are as crystal blue as the Mediterranean. 177 00:13:36,140 --> 00:13:37,140 I don't know. 178 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,440 Don't worry. I'll be right here. 179 00:13:41,380 --> 00:13:44,580 Um... Your eyes are as crystal blue as the Mediterranean. 180 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:48,660 Max, that's so sweet. 181 00:13:49,020 --> 00:13:49,919 It worked. 182 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,500 The deal is closed. Now yank your panties down. 183 00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:53,880 What? 184 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,040 Did I stutter? 185 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:56,960 Yank and spank, my boy. 186 00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,260 Yank and spank. I don't want to do that. I don't want to yank and spank. 187 00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:01,720 What are you talking about? 188 00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:04,340 Well, my zit wants me to yank your panties down and spank you. 189 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:05,659 Your zit? 190 00:14:05,660 --> 00:14:06,660 Yeah, see, look. 191 00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:08,780 Gross. 192 00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:12,040 Gross, am I? Kill her, Max. Kill her. 193 00:14:12,990 --> 00:14:14,670 Unless it wants me to kill you, you'd better run. 194 00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:19,790 You'd better run, you snobbit, or I swear by all that's holier! 195 00:14:20,950 --> 00:14:22,230 Hey, look, it's Sugar Ray. 196 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:51,740 Hold on, I'll stay here by your side. We head up to the sky, then we'll slide 197 00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:53,120 back down. 198 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,740 Upside down, try to figure out. 199 00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:04,540 Not sure if we can work it out. I wanna be alone, but you feel 200 00:15:04,540 --> 00:15:05,580 like home. 201 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:11,840 It's the fall, I know that you're home. 202 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:18,720 I wanna get you alone and do it again, do it again. 203 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:24,540 Answer the phone, I am at your home. 204 00:15:24,780 --> 00:15:30,980 I wanna get you alone and do it again, do it again. 205 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:38,160 The signals are flashing red. It doesn't matter what we say. 206 00:15:38,380 --> 00:15:42,760 This bed is much too big without me and you. 207 00:15:44,340 --> 00:15:47,140 This all seems so ridiculous. 208 00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,680 Why can't we just get over this? 209 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:56,400 Don't make me say the obvious without you. Answer 210 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,000 the phone. 211 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,740 I know that you're home. 212 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,600 I want to get you alone. 213 00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:07,180 And do it again. 214 00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:08,420 Do it again. 215 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,580 And stop the phone. 216 00:16:11,940 --> 00:16:14,240 I know that you're home. 217 00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:16,940 I want to get you alone. 218 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,460 And do it again. 219 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:20,700 Do it again. 220 00:16:34,990 --> 00:16:39,810 I practiced all my life to tell him why he was sleeping. 221 00:16:40,070 --> 00:16:45,850 I practiced all my life to tell him why he was sleeping. 222 00:16:46,070 --> 00:16:51,970 I practiced all my life to tell him why he was sleeping. 223 00:16:58,710 --> 00:17:02,250 I practiced all my life to tell him why he was sleeping. 224 00:17:03,950 --> 00:17:04,790 I 225 00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:16,190 want 226 00:17:16,190 --> 00:17:19,470 to get you. 227 00:17:35,950 --> 00:17:36,950 Do it again, yeah! 228 00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:43,750 Do it again, do it again I wanna do it again, do it again Come on, do 229 00:17:43,750 --> 00:17:48,930 it again, do it again I wanna do it again, do it again 230 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:05,940 ready to go back to my house? 231 00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:11,040 You know, the Drew Carey show is a big show. I seem to get a hotel for us. 232 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:12,520 Yeah, you'd think. 233 00:18:14,580 --> 00:18:16,140 So do you have a guest room for us? 234 00:18:16,580 --> 00:18:18,060 Nope. Extra beds? 235 00:18:18,540 --> 00:18:19,540 Nope. 236 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,040 So we're not going to get any sleep tonight? 237 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:23,880 Nope. 238 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,540 You look like a woman on Peter Frampton's chest. 239 00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:29,720 Yep. Let's go. 240 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:35,780 I'm going to do something later that's going to need a little drum roll. 241 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,040 Hi, everybody. Hope you had a good time tonight. 242 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:44,260 You know, we make fun of teachers in school a lot tonight. I just want to be 243 00:18:44,260 --> 00:18:45,260 serious just for a moment. 244 00:18:45,740 --> 00:18:49,520 You know, teachers in America are one of our most valuable resources. 245 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:54,360 The sad fact is that they're overworked and underpaid, and they deserve a lot 246 00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:55,660 more respect than they get. 247 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,260 Except for one. 248 00:18:58,660 --> 00:19:01,660 This is Irene Freeman, my grade school teacher from Cleveland, Ohio. 249 00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:03,210 You suck! Freeman! 250 00:19:04,390 --> 00:19:06,890 I don't know if you're still alive or not, but if you're not, I hope you're in 251 00:19:06,890 --> 00:19:10,590 hell, and they have television there, and my show's on 24 hours a day. 252 00:19:11,110 --> 00:19:12,110 Right, here. 253 00:19:12,330 --> 00:19:13,330 This is this, Freeman. 254 00:19:13,730 --> 00:19:14,730 Look there. 255 00:19:15,410 --> 00:19:16,410 Spooch on that. 256 00:19:16,950 --> 00:19:18,250 You know something else? I was right. 257 00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,950 You don't need math after you graduate. I don't use math. 258 00:19:22,190 --> 00:19:23,230 Anyway, that's your show. Good night. 259 00:19:25,090 --> 00:19:28,870 Hey! Hey, Drew, what's up, man? Hey, Drew, we're having a great wrap party, 260 00:19:28,970 --> 00:19:31,690 Everybody's going to be there, beautiful women, and all the free beer you can 261 00:19:31,690 --> 00:19:33,670 drink. Oh, cool. Just tell me where it is. I'm there. All right, check it out. 262 00:19:33,690 --> 00:19:36,930 We're going to take a train from Cleveland to Chicago, traveling 30 miles 263 00:19:36,930 --> 00:19:40,510 hour, and after 50 minutes, we're going to get off, and that's where the party 264 00:19:40,510 --> 00:19:41,950 is. We'll see you there. 265 00:19:42,230 --> 00:19:43,230 All right. 266 00:19:45,910 --> 00:19:46,910 Hi, 267 00:19:49,930 --> 00:19:50,930 Mom. 268 00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:52,009 Yeah, hey. 269 00:19:52,010 --> 00:19:54,010 Sorry to bother you during West Wing, but, uh... 270 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,740 I was on a train from Cleveland to Chicago, and I was going 30 miles an 271 00:19:58,820 --> 00:19:59,820 and I gave up. 272 00:20:10,860 --> 00:20:16,240 Hi, Chewie. 273 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:19,320 You! 274 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:20,660 Spit out that gum. 275 00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:29,990 When I was 16 on a really hot summer day, I'd wrap my lips around one of 276 00:20:29,990 --> 00:20:30,990 and... 20247