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All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s07e01 Drew Careys Back-to-School Rock n Roll Comedy Hour 1

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,389 --> 00:00:03,530 All right, Jenny, I'll just get us some bait. We'll go down the old fishing 2 00:00:03,530 --> 00:00:05,350 hole. Well, hurry up. The limo's waiting. 3 00:00:07,190 --> 00:00:09,190 Drew, what are you doing dressed like that? We've got a show to do. 4 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,470 Come on, man. I'm on vacation. 5 00:00:10,950 --> 00:00:14,990 I don't want to go back to work yet. Besides, I've got Jenny McCarthy to go 6 00:00:14,990 --> 00:00:15,990 fishing with. 7 00:00:17,190 --> 00:00:19,610 Well, you know, we don't have to do a regular episode. We could do something 8 00:00:19,610 --> 00:00:23,850 new. Get some bands, do some sketches, you know, give it a back -to -school 9 00:00:23,850 --> 00:00:27,890 thing. That sounds like really fun. Hey, Jenny, you want to do a sketch show? 10 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,780 Look, Drew, it's your money. If you want me to go fishing or do a sketch show, 11 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:32,879 whatever. 12 00:00:34,460 --> 00:00:35,620 We already started. 13 00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:38,760 Damn it, Ryan, I'm drunk. I'm just like a hillbilly. 14 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:41,480 That's just actor talk for Let the Show Begin. 15 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:10,060 happening, Doc? My voice is getting deeper. I'm growing hair all over my 16 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,320 I'm scared. 17 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,180 Well, you're becoming a man. 18 00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:16,400 Except for that scared crab baby crap. 19 00:01:17,980 --> 00:01:18,980 Rob Roy, son. 20 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:27,400 You're going through puberty, which is why we have to talk about your changing 21 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,140 body. My what? 22 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,400 Your changing body. 23 00:01:33,780 --> 00:01:34,780 Drew. 24 00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:40,700 You just turned 13 and hormones are being released and that sleeping giant 25 00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,520 your pants is awakened and it's angry. 26 00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:47,140 Is that why I enjoy roughhousing with my dog so much? What kind of dog? 27 00:01:47,380 --> 00:01:48,380 It's called a retriever. 28 00:01:49,260 --> 00:01:50,260 Handsome breed. 29 00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:55,740 Wow, so everything that's happened to me is normal? 30 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,360 Perfectly normal. 31 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,700 You just stay away from wild dancing, cigarettes, and rock and roll. 32 00:02:00,940 --> 00:02:01,940 You'll be just fine. 33 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,240 You got it, Doc. 34 00:02:17,650 --> 00:02:23,290 All this energy calling me back where it comes from. 35 00:02:24,450 --> 00:02:26,510 It's such a crude attitude. 36 00:02:27,670 --> 00:02:29,450 It's back where it belongs. 37 00:02:30,590 --> 00:02:33,770 All the little chicks with the crimson lips. 38 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:40,960 Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks! Living in sin with safety bent. Cleveland 39 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:45,640 Rocks! Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks! 40 00:02:46,660 --> 00:02:47,660 Ohio! 41 00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:50,700 Boys, 42 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,080 welcome to Woodshop. 43 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:57,520 There is only one rule in here and one rule only. 44 00:02:58,260 --> 00:02:59,300 Safety first. 45 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,860 Take your eyes off the thought. for a second, you could lose a finger. 46 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:09,520 Lose an arm. But hey, I'm not here to scare you. 47 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,660 You, spit out that gum. 48 00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:19,360 See? That's why I never take these goggles off. 49 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,780 Well, that and I have no hands. 50 00:03:27,460 --> 00:03:30,120 Jeremy, Bob, roll me over to the band saw. 51 00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:32,999 Easy there. 52 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,080 I'm not glued to this thing. 53 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:35,459 All right. 54 00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:39,380 Put that board in my mouth. Fire up that baby and push me towards the blade. 55 00:03:43,940 --> 00:03:45,000 Good. Good. 56 00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,480 A little left. Left. Left. No, no. No. 57 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:54,400 Damn it, Jeremy. 58 00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:55,640 I have half a mind. 59 00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:59,340 Look what I said. 60 00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:06,660 No, I'm going to play with the guys. 61 00:04:06,860 --> 00:04:07,920 Get lost, small fry. 62 00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:10,760 He calls me a small fry now. 63 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,660 But if I keep drinking milk, I won't be a small fry anymore. 64 00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:17,899 Because milk builds strong bones and teeth. 65 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,899 And eventually, I'll look like this. 66 00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:24,320 Hey, you're looking good. 67 00:04:24,540 --> 00:04:28,360 You want to go out? I'd like to, but I can't seem to stop this accelerated 68 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:29,360 process. 69 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,300 What's happening to me? 70 00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:42,970 Whoa. Milk. It does a body good. 71 00:04:43,270 --> 00:04:45,430 Unless it's mixed with sudden accelerated aging powder. 72 00:04:47,570 --> 00:04:48,509 How's it going? 73 00:04:48,510 --> 00:04:49,510 Hey, okay. 74 00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:54,710 Hey, is that your nose -operated Lincoln Navigator out there? 75 00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:56,710 The green one? 76 00:04:56,870 --> 00:04:57,910 Yeah, that's mine. Why? 77 00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:01,190 Somebody parked behind you. You're blocked in. 78 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:05,370 Should have known when my water heater exploded this morning this was going to 79 00:05:05,370 --> 00:05:06,370 be a crappy day. 80 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:09,880 I know what'll take your mind off your troubles. 81 00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:11,260 Little TV. 82 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:46,160 I won't be the price you want. 83 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:53,120 I won't be your master weapon or your all -night 84 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,120 restaurant. 85 00:05:54,900 --> 00:06:01,700 I will, I will, I will be your everything if you make 86 00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:02,700 me feel. 87 00:06:02,940 --> 00:06:09,640 I will, I will, I will be the cross for faith. You know 88 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:10,640 I will. 89 00:06:12,010 --> 00:06:16,630 But I won't be your crutch to lean on. 90 00:06:16,950 --> 00:06:20,390 I won't wear a little heel. 91 00:06:21,270 --> 00:06:25,270 I won't walk a mile in your shoes. 92 00:06:25,850 --> 00:06:29,230 Just so I know how it feels. 93 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,950 I won't be your obligation. 94 00:06:33,990 --> 00:06:37,690 I won't be your by the door. 95 00:06:38,410 --> 00:06:40,830 I won't be the port. 96 00:06:45,190 --> 00:06:47,190 I will 97 00:06:47,190 --> 00:06:58,330 be 98 00:06:58,330 --> 00:07:06,390 your 99 00:07:06,390 --> 00:07:07,890 lifetime girlfriend. 100 00:07:08,370 --> 00:07:11,870 I won't be just one of the guys. 101 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:08,839 Don't you know what you need? 102 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:12,100 What? You need a couple of really hot male backup singers. 103 00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:14,180 Do you happen to know any? 104 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,120 Do we? 105 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:17,680 Stand back, please. 106 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:45,040 You're going to stand behind us and sing our name over and over again. 107 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:48,200 For $1 million a year. Yes. 108 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:51,520 We'll give you $100 to go away. 109 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,000 $100? 110 00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:55,400 I don't think so. 111 00:08:56,420 --> 00:08:57,520 Shit, Daisy. 112 00:08:57,980 --> 00:08:59,120 Shit, Daisy. 113 00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:00,380 Shit, Daisy. 114 00:09:00,820 --> 00:09:01,820 Daisy, Daisy, Daisy. 115 00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:09,400 I can't believe Monday is our first day of high school. 116 00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:11,240 I'm really bummed. 117 00:09:11,910 --> 00:09:14,570 I'm going to be a freshman and I've never even kissed a boy. 118 00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:16,330 What? 119 00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,770 It's not so weird. I've never kissed a boy either. 120 00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:20,090 Oh, my gosh. 121 00:09:20,530 --> 00:09:22,770 Not even Mr. Gardner, the science teacher? 122 00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,130 No. 123 00:09:25,990 --> 00:09:26,990 Wow. 124 00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:28,510 How'd you pass science? 125 00:09:29,910 --> 00:09:30,910 This is horrible. 126 00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,870 I mean, boys are going to know I've never kissed anyone before. 127 00:09:34,210 --> 00:09:37,710 I know. I heard high school boys are really picky. They won't just kiss 128 00:09:38,190 --> 00:09:39,930 Well, why don't you guys practice? 129 00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:41,899 On who? 130 00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:44,680 On each other. My two moms, they do it all the time. 131 00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:47,580 That's a great idea. 132 00:09:47,740 --> 00:09:48,800 You wanna? Okay. 133 00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:11,910 Is anyone going to yell cut? 134 00:10:13,230 --> 00:10:14,230 Yeah. 135 00:10:14,830 --> 00:10:17,490 What's the point of this sketch? I mean, I don't see what's funny about it. 136 00:10:17,890 --> 00:10:20,330 Me neither. All Jenny and I are doing is making out. 137 00:10:24,270 --> 00:10:26,730 You're right. You know, we were just trying to do something a little 138 00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:27,730 and experimental. 139 00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:29,630 You know, a little French. Tilt the camera a little bit. 140 00:10:31,010 --> 00:10:33,150 Turned out a little, you know, exploitation -y. 141 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:37,830 So, you know, we'll not do it anymore. We'll just stop it. 142 00:10:41,290 --> 00:10:42,290 Will you forgive me? 143 00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:44,050 Yeah. 144 00:10:48,050 --> 00:10:54,990 This is 145 00:10:54,990 --> 00:10:56,050 our back -to -school special. 146 00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:59,370 We have a responsibility to use this hour to enlighten and educate. 147 00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:01,190 All right. I'm sorry. 148 00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:04,530 You want to enlighten and educate? Write your own educational sketch. 149 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,270 All right. We will. Fine. 150 00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:09,170 And that's what I will do to keep the union together. 151 00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:10,670 Thank you. 152 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:11,800 Mr. Lincoln. 153 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:19,860 Four score and seven years ago, I had an amazing freaking body. 154 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,100 Now you see why humans are great at preaching. 155 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,720 65 yards and scored the winning touchdown. 156 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,560 Wow. I love athletes. 157 00:11:47,460 --> 00:11:48,800 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. 158 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:50,400 What's the matter? 159 00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:54,080 Oh, this old sports -related injury of mine is acting up. 160 00:11:54,620 --> 00:11:55,720 Wow, how'd you do that? 161 00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:56,980 High school. 162 00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,820 Football? What else? 163 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,300 I don't want to talk about it. 164 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,280 It was the winner of 76. 165 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,060 It was an away game. 166 00:12:09,090 --> 00:12:11,870 I've been trying to get into this state championship my entire life. 167 00:12:12,170 --> 00:12:15,090 When this season first started, we were a joke. We were nothing. We were lower 168 00:12:15,090 --> 00:12:19,250 than a boil on a snake's ass. We were a spineless, pestering toilet of failure. 169 00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:21,730 Yeah, we sucked. No, that's losing time. 170 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,410 You're champions. 171 00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:28,510 Oh, they might be bigger and stronger and faster than you all, but you all got 172 00:12:28,510 --> 00:12:31,310 hot. Especially you, Jimmy. You got the heart of a lion. 173 00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,390 Well, actually, it's a pig's heart, coach. 174 00:12:34,650 --> 00:12:35,650 Yeah, well, whatever. 175 00:12:36,410 --> 00:12:40,950 The point is, your body is slowly rejecting it, so this may be your last 176 00:12:40,990 --> 00:12:43,990 You make it count, because this team ain't going to a loser's funeral. Are we 177 00:12:43,990 --> 00:12:44,990 team? No! 178 00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:24,190 My God, they're loving it. 179 00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,890 We're going all the way. 180 00:13:31,630 --> 00:13:32,190 We 181 00:13:32,190 --> 00:13:40,390 lost 182 00:13:40,390 --> 00:13:42,250 the man. We'll never win now. 183 00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:43,470 I can do it. 184 00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:45,150 That's a square. 185 00:13:46,090 --> 00:13:47,009 Spray it. 186 00:13:47,010 --> 00:13:48,370 This is disinfectant. 187 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:09,360 Merlin, some ribbon. 188 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:11,680 I could go either way. 189 00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:12,940 Come on! 190 00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:19,820 So then this 280 -pound linebacker came at me, nailed me. Right here. 191 00:14:20,820 --> 00:14:22,400 I know you're not a football player. 192 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,600 Huh? I'll find a flashback. 193 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,940 Is there anything I can do to impress you? 194 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,800 Well, you could introduce me to that band over there. 195 00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:34,220 Smash Mouth? Jenny McCarthy. 196 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:35,579 Jenny McCarthy? 197 00:14:35,580 --> 00:14:36,580 Smash... 198 00:14:59,340 --> 00:15:06,180 California in a state one Pacific Coast party If you get to 199 00:15:06,180 --> 00:15:11,480 work today Get yourself a new vocation Pacific Coast party 200 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:18,440 You don't have to mind Top of town, mother nature Just cut the line, 201 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,120 think yourself And watch it slip away 202 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:29,040 Quick, your pitch in, bite your tongue, save it for a rainy day, son. 203 00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:31,160 The Santa Claus Party. 204 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:36,420 Get your ticket, pack your bags, come and join the celebration. 205 00:15:37,140 --> 00:15:39,360 The Santa Claus Party. 206 00:15:40,180 --> 00:15:46,220 If you want to find peace of mind, come and get it. Get your top in line, take 207 00:15:46,220 --> 00:15:48,660 your time, and watch yourself away. 208 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,140 The Santa Claus Party. 209 00:15:56,140 --> 00:16:00,440 Hey, I heard somebody say, well, why don't you play? 210 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:07,420 But I never missed a single tape. Bonnie Wood, I never heard of Wood. I turned 211 00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:08,580 the other way. 212 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,860 Pacific Coast Bonnie. 213 00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:14,720 Come on, man. 214 00:16:31,370 --> 00:16:35,430 You don't have to mind all the time. You don't have to mind all the time. 215 00:16:35,630 --> 00:16:39,830 Get yourself in line. Take your time. And watch your step away. 216 00:16:43,010 --> 00:16:47,810 Hey, I heard somebody say, what kind of game you play? 217 00:16:48,010 --> 00:16:51,570 But I never missed a single day. I thought it was. 218 00:16:51,850 --> 00:16:53,730 I never heard a word. 219 00:16:53,970 --> 00:16:55,650 I've come the other way. 220 00:16:58,830 --> 00:17:05,150 Hey, I heard somebody say Work harder than you think Thought I'd never miss a 221 00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:07,349 single day Party, what? 222 00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:13,770 I never heard a word I've turned the other way Pacific Coast 223 00:17:13,770 --> 00:17:20,630 Party Pacific Coast Party Pacific Coast Party 224 00:17:20,630 --> 00:17:22,510 Pacific Coast Party 225 00:17:31,470 --> 00:17:32,470 Thank you. 226 00:17:34,750 --> 00:17:35,750 Hello! 227 00:17:37,370 --> 00:17:42,030 Have you guys ever thought about recording a speed metal version of 228 00:17:42,030 --> 00:17:44,390 Lightfoot's The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald? 229 00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:48,650 No. 230 00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:51,150 I'm good. 231 00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:56,010 Because I'm going to do it. And if I find out that you did it, I'll kill you. 232 00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:01,590 Who scored in my foot? 233 00:18:02,530 --> 00:18:03,530 I don't know. 234 00:18:12,010 --> 00:18:14,510 Hey, Orville. Hey, Henry. Thanks for coming over to hang with me. 235 00:18:14,930 --> 00:18:16,710 The risk game's all set up. I got red. 236 00:18:17,950 --> 00:18:20,810 Pepsi's in the freezer getting fleshy just like we like it. That's great, 237 00:18:20,970 --> 00:18:21,970 Is your mom home? 238 00:18:22,110 --> 00:18:23,210 Yeah, she's in the kitchen. 239 00:18:24,350 --> 00:18:26,350 Hey, where are you going? You're going to miss the reading of the rules. 240 00:18:28,670 --> 00:18:29,670 Hey, Mom, what's going on? 241 00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:35,060 grab this can. 242 00:18:35,980 --> 00:18:37,840 Ask me again, but use my name. 243 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,060 My goodness, Henry. 244 00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:44,780 You seem to grow an inch every time I see you. 245 00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:46,900 Want to go for two? 246 00:18:48,340 --> 00:18:49,400 Anybody want a freeze pop? 247 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:50,760 Your mom does. 248 00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:55,920 You know what this reminds me of? 249 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,540 Oh, God, yes. 250 00:18:58,580 --> 00:19:01,260 I was 16 on a really hot summer day. 251 00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:03,570 I'd wrap my lips around one of these. 252 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,150 Oh, wow. 253 00:19:13,290 --> 00:19:15,110 I gotta go home and change. 254 00:19:15,730 --> 00:19:16,830 No, don't leave. 255 00:19:17,630 --> 00:19:19,690 Yeah, you're about the same size as me. 256 00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:21,770 Hey, maybe you can get into my pant. 257 00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:33,360 Do women ever explode? 258 00:19:33,660 --> 00:19:35,320 My dad says, yeah, but it takes forever. 259 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,020 Honey, pizza's here. 260 00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:44,920 Pizza? Yeah. 261 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,620 So then the 280 -pound linebacker came at me. 262 00:19:52,940 --> 00:19:54,800 Nailed me. Shelby Warren. Right here. 263 00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:58,180 Oh, my God. I didn't even recognize. 264 00:20:02,540 --> 00:20:03,540 the flashback. Okay. 265 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,600 You! Spit out that gum. 266 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:13,500 Towel, please. 267 00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:24,980 Your mom does. 268 00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:30,620 You know what this reminds me of? 269 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:31,840 Oh, God. 270 00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:38,610 hot summer day, I'd wrap my lips around one of these and... 18818