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1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:03,529
All right, Jenny, I'll just get us some
bait. We'll go down the old fishing
2
00:00:03,530 --> 00:00:05,520
hole. Well, hurry up. The limo's
waiting.
3
00:00:05,521 --> 00:00:09,409
Drew, what are you doing dressed like
that? We've got a show to do.
4
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,790
Come on, man. I'm on vacation.
5
00:00:10,950 --> 00:00:14,989
I don't want to go back to work yet.
Besides, I've got Jenny McCarthy to go
6
00:00:14,990 --> 00:00:16,040
fishing with.
7
00:00:16,041 --> 00:00:19,609
Well, you know, we don't have to do a
regular episode. We could do something
8
00:00:19,610 --> 00:00:23,849
new. Get some bands, do some sketches,
you know, give it a back -to -school
9
00:00:23,850 --> 00:00:27,890
thing. That sounds like really fun. Hey,
Jenny, you want to do a sketch show?
10
00:00:27,891 --> 00:00:31,879
Look, Drew, it's your money. If you want
me to go fishing or do a sketch show,
11
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:32,930
whatever.
12
00:00:34,460 --> 00:00:35,620
We already started.
13
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:39,230
Damn it, Ryan, I'm drunk. I'm just like
a hillbilly.
14
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,050
That's just actor talk for Let the Show
Begin.
15
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:10,060
happening, Doc? My voice is getting
deeper. I'm growing hair all over my
16
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:11,370
I'm scared.
17
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,180
Well, you're becoming a man.
18
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:16,400
Except for that scared crab baby crap.
19
00:01:17,980 --> 00:01:19,030
Rob Roy, son.
20
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:27,399
You're going through puberty, which is
why we have to talk about your changing
21
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,140
body. My what?
22
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,400
Your changing body.
23
00:01:33,780 --> 00:01:34,830
Drew.
24
00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:40,699
You just turned 13 and hormones are
being released and that sleeping giant
25
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,560
your pants is awakened and it's angry.
26
00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:47,379
Is that why I enjoy roughhousing with my
dog so much? What kind of dog?
27
00:01:47,380 --> 00:01:48,580
It's called a retriever.
28
00:01:49,260 --> 00:01:50,310
Handsome breed.
29
00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:55,740
Wow, so everything that's happened to me
is normal?
30
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,410
Perfectly normal.
31
00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,910
You just stay away from wild dancing,
cigarettes, and rock and roll.
32
00:02:00,940 --> 00:02:01,990
You'll be just fine.
33
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,290
You got it, Doc.
34
00:02:17,650 --> 00:02:23,290
All this energy calling me back where it
comes from.
35
00:02:24,450 --> 00:02:26,510
It's such a crude attitude.
36
00:02:27,670 --> 00:02:29,450
It's back where it belongs.
37
00:02:30,590 --> 00:02:33,770
All the little chicks with the crimson
lips.
38
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:40,959
Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks! Living
in sin with safety bent. Cleveland
39
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:45,640
Rocks! Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks!
40
00:02:46,660 --> 00:02:47,710
Ohio!
41
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:50,750
Boys,
42
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,080
welcome to Woodshop.
43
00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:57,520
There is only one rule in here and one
rule only.
44
00:02:58,260 --> 00:02:59,310
Safety first.
45
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,860
Take your eyes off the thought. for a
second, you could lose a finger.
46
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:09,520
Lose an arm. But hey, I'm not here to
scare you.
47
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,660
You, spit out that gum.
48
00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:19,360
See? That's why I never take these
goggles off.
49
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,780
Well, that and I have no hands.
50
00:03:27,460 --> 00:03:30,120
Jeremy, Bob, roll me over to the band
saw.
51
00:03:31,251 --> 00:03:32,999
Easy there.
52
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,320
I'm not glued to this thing.
53
00:03:34,321 --> 00:03:35,459
All right.
54
00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:39,380
Put that board in my mouth. Fire up that
baby and push me towards the blade.
55
00:03:43,940 --> 00:03:45,000
Good. Good.
56
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,480
A little left. Left. Left. No, no. No.
57
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:54,400
Damn it, Jeremy.
58
00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:55,670
I have half a mind.
59
00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:59,340
Look what I said.
60
00:04:03,901 --> 00:04:06,859
No, I'm going to play with the guys.
61
00:04:06,860 --> 00:04:07,920
Get lost, small fry.
62
00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:10,760
He calls me a small fry now.
63
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,660
But if I keep drinking milk, I won't be
a small fry anymore.
64
00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:17,899
Because milk builds strong bones and
teeth.
65
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,920
And eventually, I'll look like this.
66
00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:24,320
Hey, you're looking good.
67
00:04:24,540 --> 00:04:28,359
You want to go out? I'd like to, but I
can't seem to stop this accelerated
68
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:29,410
process.
69
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,300
What's happening to me?
70
00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:42,970
Whoa. Milk. It does a body good.
71
00:04:43,270 --> 00:04:46,160
Unless it's mixed with sudden
accelerated aging powder.
72
00:04:46,521 --> 00:04:48,509
How's it going?
73
00:04:48,510 --> 00:04:49,560
Hey, okay.
74
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:54,710
Hey, is that your nose -operated Lincoln
Navigator out there?
75
00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:56,760
The green one?
76
00:04:56,870 --> 00:04:58,010
Yeah, that's mine. Why?
77
00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:01,360
Somebody parked behind you. You're
blocked in.
78
00:05:01,361 --> 00:05:05,369
Should have known when my water heater
exploded this morning this was going to
79
00:05:05,370 --> 00:05:06,420
be a crappy day.
80
00:05:06,421 --> 00:05:10,259
I know what'll take your mind off your
troubles.
81
00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:11,310
Little TV.
82
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:46,160
I won't be the price you want.
83
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:53,119
I won't be your master weapon or your
all -night
84
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,170
restaurant.
85
00:05:54,900 --> 00:06:01,699
I will, I will, I will be your
everything if you make
86
00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:02,750
me feel.
87
00:06:02,940 --> 00:06:09,639
I will, I will, I will be the cross for
faith. You know
88
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:10,690
I will.
89
00:06:12,010 --> 00:06:16,630
But I won't be your crutch to lean on.
90
00:06:16,950 --> 00:06:20,390
I won't wear a little heel.
91
00:06:21,270 --> 00:06:25,270
I won't walk a mile in your shoes.
92
00:06:25,850 --> 00:06:29,230
Just so I know how it feels.
93
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,950
I won't be your obligation.
94
00:06:33,990 --> 00:06:37,690
I won't be your by the door.
95
00:06:38,410 --> 00:06:40,830
I won't be the port.
96
00:06:45,190 --> 00:06:47,189
I will
97
00:06:47,190 --> 00:06:58,329
be
98
00:06:58,330 --> 00:07:06,389
your
99
00:07:06,390 --> 00:07:07,890
lifetime girlfriend.
100
00:07:08,370 --> 00:07:11,870
I won't be just one of the guys.
101
00:08:06,481 --> 00:08:08,839
Don't you know what you need?
102
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:12,100
What? You need a couple of really hot
male backup singers.
103
00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:14,240
Do you happen to know any?
104
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,170
Do we?
105
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:17,680
Stand back, please.
106
00:08:38,891 --> 00:08:45,279
You're going to stand behind us and sing
our name over and over again.
107
00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:48,200
For $1 million a year. Yes.
108
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:51,520
We'll give you $100 to go away.
109
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,050
$100?
110
00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:55,430
I don't think so.
111
00:08:56,420 --> 00:08:57,520
Shit, Daisy.
112
00:08:57,980 --> 00:08:59,120
Shit, Daisy.
113
00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:00,390
Shit, Daisy.
114
00:09:00,820 --> 00:09:01,870
Daisy, Daisy, Daisy.
115
00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:09,400
I can't believe Monday is our first day
of high school.
116
00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:11,240
I'm really bummed.
117
00:09:11,910 --> 00:09:14,800
I'm going to be a freshman and I've
never even kissed a boy.
118
00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:16,380
What?
119
00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:19,089
It's not so weird. I've never kissed a
boy either.
120
00:09:19,090 --> 00:09:20,140
Oh, my gosh.
121
00:09:20,530 --> 00:09:22,770
Not even Mr. Gardner, the science
teacher?
122
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,180
No.
123
00:09:25,990 --> 00:09:27,040
Wow.
124
00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:28,530
How'd you pass science?
125
00:09:29,910 --> 00:09:30,960
This is horrible.
126
00:09:30,961 --> 00:09:34,209
I mean, boys are going to know I've
never kissed anyone before.
127
00:09:34,210 --> 00:09:37,710
I know. I heard high school boys are
really picky. They won't just kiss
128
00:09:38,190 --> 00:09:39,930
Well, why don't you guys practice?
129
00:09:39,931 --> 00:09:41,899
On who?
130
00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:44,680
On each other. My two moms, they do it
all the time.
131
00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:47,630
That's a great idea.
132
00:09:47,740 --> 00:09:48,800
You wanna? Okay.
133
00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:12,210
Is anyone going to yell cut?
134
00:10:13,230 --> 00:10:14,280
Yeah.
135
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:17,889
What's the point of this sketch? I mean,
I don't see what's funny about it.
136
00:10:17,890 --> 00:10:20,360
Me neither. All Jenny and I are doing is
making out.
137
00:10:20,901 --> 00:10:26,729
You're right. You know, we were just
trying to do something a little
138
00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:27,749
and experimental.
139
00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:30,460
You know, a little French. Tilt the
camera a little bit.
140
00:10:31,010 --> 00:10:33,420
Turned out a little, you know,
exploitation -y.
141
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:37,830
So, you know, we'll not do it anymore.
We'll just stop it.
142
00:10:41,290 --> 00:10:42,340
Will you forgive me?
143
00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:44,100
Yeah.
144
00:10:48,050 --> 00:10:54,989
This is
145
00:10:54,990 --> 00:10:56,249
our back -to -school special.
146
00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:59,620
We have a responsibility to use this
hour to enlighten and educate.
147
00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:01,190
All right. I'm sorry.
148
00:11:01,191 --> 00:11:04,829
You want to enlighten and educate? Write
your own educational sketch.
149
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,270
All right. We will. Fine.
150
00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:09,640
And that's what I will do to keep the
union together.
151
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:10,720
Thank you.
152
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:11,850
Mr. Lincoln.
153
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:19,860
Four score and seven years ago, I had an
amazing freaking body.
154
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,250
Now you see why humans are great at
preaching.
155
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,810
65 yards and scored the winning
touchdown.
156
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,560
Wow. I love athletes.
157
00:11:47,460 --> 00:11:48,800
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
158
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:50,450
What's the matter?
159
00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:54,080
Oh, this old sports -related injury of
mine is acting up.
160
00:11:54,620 --> 00:11:55,760
Wow, how'd you do that?
161
00:11:55,761 --> 00:11:57,019
High school.
162
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:58,820
Football? What else?
163
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:01,340
I don't want to talk about it.
164
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,280
It was the winner of 76.
165
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,060
It was an away game.
166
00:12:07,061 --> 00:12:12,169
I've been trying to get into this state
championship my entire life.
167
00:12:12,170 --> 00:12:15,089
When this season first started, we were
a joke. We were nothing. We were lower
168
00:12:15,090 --> 00:12:19,250
than a boil on a snake's ass. We were a
spineless, pestering toilet of failure.
169
00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:21,730
Yeah, we sucked. No, that's losing time.
170
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,460
You're champions.
171
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:28,509
Oh, they might be bigger and stronger
and faster than you all, but you all got
172
00:12:28,510 --> 00:12:31,310
hot. Especially you, Jimmy. You got the
heart of a lion.
173
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,920
Well, actually, it's a pig's heart,
coach.
174
00:12:34,650 --> 00:12:35,730
Yeah, well, whatever.
175
00:12:36,410 --> 00:12:40,950
The point is, your body is slowly
rejecting it, so this may be your last
176
00:12:40,951 --> 00:12:43,989
You make it count, because this team
ain't going to a loser's funeral. Are we
177
00:12:43,990 --> 00:12:45,040
team? No!
178
00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:24,190
My God, they're loving it.
179
00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,890
We're going all the way.
180
00:13:30,581 --> 00:13:32,189
We
181
00:13:32,190 --> 00:13:40,389
lost
182
00:13:40,390 --> 00:13:42,250
the man. We'll never win now.
183
00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:43,520
I can do it.
184
00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:45,200
That's a square.
185
00:13:45,201 --> 00:13:47,009
Spray it.
186
00:13:47,010 --> 00:13:48,370
This is disinfectant.
187
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:09,410
Merlin, some ribbon.
188
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:11,680
I could go either way.
189
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:12,990
Come on!
190
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:19,820
So then this 280 -pound linebacker came
at me, nailed me. Right here.
191
00:14:20,820 --> 00:14:22,560
I know you're not a football player.
192
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,600
Huh? I'll find a flashback.
193
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,150
Is there anything I can do to impress
you?
194
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,010
Well, you could introduce me to that
band over there.
195
00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:34,220
Smash Mouth? Jenny McCarthy.
196
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:35,579
Jenny McCarthy?
197
00:14:35,580 --> 00:14:36,630
Smash...
198
00:14:59,340 --> 00:15:06,179
California in a state one Pacific Coast
party If you get to
199
00:15:06,180 --> 00:15:11,479
work today Get yourself a new vocation
Pacific Coast party
200
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:18,440
You don't have to mind Top of town,
mother nature Just cut the line,
201
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,120
think yourself And watch it slip away
202
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:29,040
Quick, your pitch in, bite your tongue,
save it for a rainy day, son.
203
00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:31,160
The Santa Claus Party.
204
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:36,420
Get your ticket, pack your bags, come
and join the celebration.
205
00:15:37,140 --> 00:15:39,360
The Santa Claus Party.
206
00:15:40,180 --> 00:15:46,219
If you want to find peace of mind, come
and get it. Get your top in line, take
207
00:15:46,220 --> 00:15:48,660
your time, and watch yourself away.
208
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,140
The Santa Claus Party.
209
00:15:56,140 --> 00:16:00,440
Hey, I heard somebody say, well, why
don't you play?
210
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:07,419
But I never missed a single tape. Bonnie
Wood, I never heard of Wood. I turned
211
00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:08,580
the other way.
212
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,860
Pacific Coast Bonnie.
213
00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:14,720
Come on, man.
214
00:16:31,370 --> 00:16:35,430
You don't have to mind all the time. You
don't have to mind all the time.
215
00:16:35,630 --> 00:16:39,830
Get yourself in line. Take your time.
And watch your step away.
216
00:16:43,010 --> 00:16:47,810
Hey, I heard somebody say, what kind of
game you play?
217
00:16:48,010 --> 00:16:51,570
But I never missed a single day. I
thought it was.
218
00:16:51,850 --> 00:16:53,730
I never heard a word.
219
00:16:53,970 --> 00:16:55,650
I've come the other way.
220
00:16:58,830 --> 00:17:05,149
Hey, I heard somebody say Work harder
than you think Thought I'd never miss a
221
00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:07,349
single day Party, what?
222
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:13,769
I never heard a word I've turned the
other way Pacific Coast
223
00:17:13,770 --> 00:17:20,629
Party Pacific Coast Party Pacific Coast
Party
224
00:17:20,630 --> 00:17:22,510
Pacific Coast Party
225
00:17:31,470 --> 00:17:32,520
Thank you.
226
00:17:34,750 --> 00:17:35,800
Hello!
227
00:17:37,370 --> 00:17:42,029
Have you guys ever thought about
recording a speed metal version of
228
00:17:42,030 --> 00:17:44,560
Lightfoot's The Wreck of the Edmund
Fitzgerald?
229
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:48,700
No.
230
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:51,200
I'm good.
231
00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:56,010
Because I'm going to do it. And if I
find out that you did it, I'll kill you.
232
00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:01,670
Who scored in my foot?
233
00:18:02,530 --> 00:18:03,580
I don't know.
234
00:18:08,881 --> 00:18:14,929
Hey, Orville. Hey, Henry. Thanks for
coming over to hang with me.
235
00:18:14,930 --> 00:18:16,710
The risk game's all set up. I got red.
236
00:18:16,711 --> 00:18:20,969
Pepsi's in the freezer getting fleshy
just like we like it. That's great,
237
00:18:20,970 --> 00:18:22,020
Is your mom home?
238
00:18:22,110 --> 00:18:23,430
Yeah, she's in the kitchen.
239
00:18:24,350 --> 00:18:27,900
Hey, where are you going? You're going
to miss the reading of the rules.
240
00:18:28,670 --> 00:18:29,990
Hey, Mom, what's going on?
241
00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:35,110
grab this can.
242
00:18:35,980 --> 00:18:37,840
Ask me again, but use my name.
243
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,060
My goodness, Henry.
244
00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:44,790
You seem to grow an inch every time I
see you.
245
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:46,950
Want to go for two?
246
00:18:48,340 --> 00:18:49,660
Anybody want a freeze pop?
247
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:50,810
Your mom does.
248
00:18:53,380 --> 00:18:55,920
You know what this reminds me of?
249
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,540
Oh, God, yes.
250
00:18:58,580 --> 00:19:01,260
I was 16 on a really hot summer day.
251
00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:03,610
I'd wrap my lips around one of these.
252
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,200
Oh, wow.
253
00:19:13,290 --> 00:19:15,110
I gotta go home and change.
254
00:19:15,730 --> 00:19:16,830
No, don't leave.
255
00:19:17,630 --> 00:19:19,690
Yeah, you're about the same size as me.
256
00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:21,770
Hey, maybe you can get into my pant.
257
00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:33,360
Do women ever explode?
258
00:19:33,660 --> 00:19:35,580
My dad says, yeah, but it takes forever.
259
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,020
Honey, pizza's here.
260
00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:44,920
Pizza? Yeah.
261
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,620
So then the 280 -pound linebacker came
at me.
262
00:19:52,940 --> 00:19:54,800
Nailed me. Shelby Warren. Right here.
263
00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:58,180
Oh, my God. I didn't even recognize.
264
00:20:02,540 --> 00:20:03,590
the flashback. Okay.
265
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,600
You! Spit out that gum.
266
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:13,550
Towel, please.
267
00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:24,980
Your mom does.
268
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:30,620
You know what this reminds me of?
269
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:31,890
Oh, God.
270
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:38,610
hot summer day, I'd wrap my lips around
one of these and...
271
00:20:38,660 --> 00:20:43,210
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