Original subtitles

Oh, I get it. You don't like to write with anything bigger than you.

Two pencils, two eyes.

Not a jury in the world would convict me.

Hey! What did the board of directors say? Well, after 30 minutes of talking

about their prostates and making tasteless jokes about immigrants, they

your proposal for the new women's store.

Wow, that's great.

That's two ideas they liked in 20 years.

We've been working on that project for weeks.

You never mentioned it was the pig's idea.

The point is, they love the idea of a new store just for women. So we closed

down the Center for Abused Women across the street, and we're renovating it.

I've been given the task of finding the new store manager, and I've decided it's

going to be you.

Me? Yeah, thanks. Wow, how about that? Hey!

Just wait a damn minute. So what if it's the pig's idea?

I've been working on that proposal with you day and night. It's a woman's store.

If anybody should manage it, it should be me.

Oh, please. You don't know anything about managing a store.

Even less about being a woman.

Oh, yeah? Well, there's 400 -some -odd men say different.

And that's not counting the years I rode the rails.

I create the budgets. I process the orders. I practically run this store.

Hmm. Interesting.

What, that even a hobo would sleep with her? Come on.

You can't seriously be considering her for this job.

Oh, no, no, no, no. The job's still yours. But I do need someone to take

your old job.

And Mimi does seem to have all the qualifications.

You've always wanted to be an executive, Mimi. What do you say?

Oh, so instead of a glamorous job managing the entire woman's store, I get

pig's sloppy seconds?

Oh, whoop -dee -doo.

Whoop -dee -doo, indeed.

You can hire or fire anyone you want for any reason you want. You have the power

over people's vacation days, health benefits, parking spots.

Wow, that's a lot of power.

Carrie chose not to abuse it.

Don't make that thing stink.

I'll take it.

I don't believe it. Are you really going to let her abuse the employees?

Yes. It's so out of character for me, isn't it? Anyway, here are the keys to

new store and your new life of dignity.

Go get them, boy!

I'm not going to fetch those keys.

Oh, all right.

Well, first one to the keys is new store manager.

All this energy calling

me.

Back where it comes from.

It's such a crude attitude.

It's back where...

With the Crimson Lips Go Cleveland Rocks Cleveland Rocks Living in Thinwood

Hey, Kate, we're up for some part -time jobs at Fred's Fireworks. Could you help

us out with some practice interviews?

Fred's Fireworks? Didn't that place blow up last month? Yeah, yeah, and a lot of

new jobs opened up.

And there was room for advancement.

A couple of the bodies they found were supervisors.

Can I get a little help here?

Oh, Drew's home. He's carrying some heavy boxes.

Needs help.

We better get going. We haven't got a lot of time to hide.

Stupid boxing.

Too bad we didn't get here sooner. We could have helped you with those boxes.

Yeah.

Too bad we didn't hear you call out a little help here.

That's okay. Why should today get any easier?

Yeah.

I can't believe all the stuff I have to do to get the store ready.

I've been there since 6 o 'clock this morning.

Water.

Joe, are you okay?

Not really. I've only got about two hours of sleep a night since I started

thing. You know, lack of sleep can be really dangerous. We're doing a sleep

deprivation study down at Drug Co.

Poor monkey's a nervous wreck.

We've kept him awake for three months.

Free HBO.

Oh.

Well, I have no choice. I have to get this done, but it's going to be worth

It's going to be really great when it's done. Here.

Look at these sketches.

What?

I specifically remember putting sketches in this briefcase before I left.

Were you dancing in front of the mirror in those sketches?

Drew, you seem really stressed out. Is it worth it?

Yeah, hell yeah, it's worth it.

I was ready to jump out a window before this happened. I was having such a bad

year. But, you know, when it's over, I'll have time to rest.

Rest? Oh, restrooms. I was supposed to meet the guy who was going to do the

on the restrooms.

Darn it. Now I have to do all this work back at the store. Can you guys help me

haul this back out to the car? Sure.

Hey, I thought your sketch is over there.

Where? On the couch.

Oh.

Well, here at Fred's Bar Works, we feel that things that blow up are pretty.

We couldn't agree more, Pete.

So you boys got any questions?

Yeah. Where'd your arm go?

It's okay. I got drunk and blew it off with a handful of cherry bombs.

That's too bad.

What I'm hearing is we can drink on the job.

I'd like you to meet some of the employees.

Boys, come on in.

This is Oswald and Lewis.

They're thinking of coming to work for us.

That's Bill.

Kirk.

No fix.

So, what do you say? You guys want the job?

I'm sorry. We're going to have to pass.

If I didn't have hands, I wouldn't be able to do this.

It's too bad, because if you work here, you get all the free fireworks you want.

When do we start?

We're working with you.

That does look like fun.

All right, come on, guys. Let's get to work, huh?

Saturday, we open on Monday. It's the only part of the store if I'm ready.

Hello?

Hi, Mr. Wick.

Oh, yeah, everything's under control. Don't you worry.

Yeah, I know people say that all the time when they're not really under

but, you know, sometimes they say it when they are under control, so... Yeah,

know I'm rambling, but, you know, when you got things under control, sometimes

you can just kick back and ramble.

Okay, bye.

Listen, you gotta move.

All right, if you won't work fast for me, maybe you'll work fast for Mr.

Happy Hand.

Hey, you're a big strong guy.

You can work a little faster than that, can't you?

You know, I'm still pretty new at being director of personnel, so I need some

advice.

An employee needs some time off to go on his honeymoon.

I usually take cash, but he's offering me a video.

They are a pretty nice -looking couple.

You know, I spent a lot of years putting some credibility into that job, and you

ruin it over money?

Not just money. So far, I got a DVD player, a gold watch, and a new set of

tires. I'm making out like a Mexican police chief.

Just get out of my store.

Wait a minute. Maybe you can help me motivate everybody.

Hey, everybody.

If you don't start working, the stripper will.

Fine.

All right. Come on. That's what I like to see. Okay, boys. It's quitting time.

What are you talking about? You just started working.

Union says you can't make us work more than 12 hours a day.

What does it say? Three of those hours should be spent eating hamburgers?

Well, I'll be damned. He even says it has to be hamburgers.

Hey, I'm going to have to do all this work by myself then!

That helped.

It's okay. I'm just a little stressed out now. I'm probably just saying

Uh -oh.

I really shouldn't have complained about saying things, I guess.

Just take a deep breath.

Relax. Don't be afraid. There's nothing to be afraid of in the light. There's

nothing to be afraid of in the dark.

Ah!

Oh, oh.

Oh, I get it. You're probably just mad because I hurt one of your own.

Here, here. Just sit. Just take it.

You fell for the oldest trick in the book, you stupid mannequins!

I can't believe you guys shooting Roman candles off at each other your first day

of work.

find a cannon that shoots giant balls of colored fire and see how much self

-control you have.

Hey, Drew. How was work today?

Oh, you know, pretty busy.

Getting close to the old deadline.

Yeah.

Funny thing happened, though. You wouldn't believe it.

Mannequins came to life. I went insane.

Yeah, I had a crazy day at work. I couldn't find this one address.

It was 4152 Garden Street. And I found 4151, 4153, no 4152.

Well, maybe you didn't hear me.

Mannequins came to life.

Maybe you didn't hear me. No 4152.

Drew, you don't look so good. You gotta get some sleep.

Funny. I find I do my best work when I haven't slept.

Then again, I just... Kind of pushed dust into piles.

Hey, that's my life. It's not supposed to be that funny.

I'm sorry. I just haven't been sleeping. I'm kind of giddy.

Drew? Drew?

Maybe you should see a doctor.

No, don't waste your money. Detective Oswald has solved the case. Who hates

guts and has been screwing with you for years?

Actually, he's right. It's Mimi.

Well, I was thinking of the Lord.

It's not even her style. She loves the new job she has.

If she did anything to me, she'd be bragging about it and tell me how she

it. She's like a Batman villain that way.

Well, you have been working around the clock. Maybe you need to relax.

Hey, here.

Nothing calms you down like blowing something up. Are you crazy?

Next time you light a firecracker in the house, I am not going to put it out.

I am such a girl.

I can't believe how much work I still have to do to get that store open.

Drew, you're going to have enough time. Just relax.

I can't relax.

All right.

Imagine yourself lying on a tropical beach.

A hot Caribbean breeze is blowing over your face.

You can hear the waves

lapping on the sand.

Oh, did one of our guests order a beer?

a cracker, huh?

A nice fiery cracker?

Look at that. Huh? You like that, you stupid bird?

Free,

please!

It's okay. He's unarmed. What's going on here?

This used to be a good neighborhood to nap in.

little firecrackers at the birds.

What birds?

Oh, I think they were birds. I couldn't see their faces, but I heard their

voices. I think they were up in the trees. They were making fun of me.

You kind of got them started with that tinfoil hat and that bra.

And this isn't mine. Somebody put this on me.

You hear that? You hear that?

They're coming back.

Okay, listen. Now, I need something a little stronger than a firecracker. Let

borrow your gun. It's okay. I'm a taxpayer.

Gray's one of them. Then we can beat the confession out of him when he falls

down. Don't worry, buddy.

We're going to take you to a place where all the little birdies talk.

I don't belong here!

I'm not crazy!

I'm the manager of the new Winford Lotta women's store!

I have the power of a whole department store behind me!

Hello, Drew.

I'm Dr. Hirschlag. I've been assigned to your case.

I shake your hand, but I'm too busy hugging myself.

Yeah, I'm sorry about the straight jacket, but the police seem to think you

might hurt yourself, which doesn't make much sense, considering that you have no

previous history of mental illness. You've had a steady job for almost 20

You seem to be a model citizen. So what made you start throwing firecrackers at

birds?

While I was sleeping, they were making a lot of noise outside my window, and

I've just been a lot more stressed out than I thought I was. I just went a

little crazy. I got a little angrier than I should.

Well, what's causing all your stress?

Oh, uh, I've had kind of a rough year.

Just got this new job and I really needed to work because, you know, I lost

old job and I had to marry a man to get it back and then, uh, lost the woman of

my dreams, got into a car wreck, spent two weeks in a coma.

I shouldn't really complain, though, because compared to ninth grade, it was

piece of cake.

You know, it appears to me that you're not mentally ill.

Now, listen, we just need to run a few more tests, but I think I can have you

out of here within 72 hours.

What? You said I wasn't crazy. I need to get out of here by Monday. I'm going to

lose my job.

All right, well, I'll see what I can do. Oh, by the way, a family member has

been waiting outside to see you. Are you up for a visit?

Yeah, sure.

Earl,

I told you, stay in your room.

But they're the monster out there. Make it go away.

Oh, relax, man. There's no such thing as monsters.

Here we go.

Are the parrots still screaming, Clarice?

So it was you.

Of course it was me. I want to be the manager of the new woman's store. I just

took your lousy old job to cover my tracks.

What you did to me? I'm in a psych ward.

I'm just trying to stress you out enough to quit your new job.

But you getting hauled off to the Ha Ha House is an unexpected treat.

Kind of like an extra slap on the ass when the lovin's over.

Okay.

Okay, okay. It was a great prank. Ha ha ha. Good for you. But, you know, you

gotta tell the truth now. Get me out of here.

Sorry. No time.

I gotta get a new store ready for an opening.

That's my store.

Not with you in here.

Without you, they're going to need a new manager.

I think the logical choice would be me.

Help!

Help! He's trying to kill me!

Orderlies! Tell them! Tell them, E!

Tell them about the Americans!

Tell them about the birds! Tell them about the underwear!

Tell them about the time you mailed me to China!

That joke's on you, buddy.

I didn't even feel a thing.

Are you all right, ma 'am? Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine. This is going to break our

poor parents' heart. Of course, we all knew this was coming.

Oh, this isn't one of those places, is it, where the orderlies beat the

patients? No, of course not.

Oh, could it be?

There are no words, Earl. Yes, there are. They're right behind you. Well,

is it?

They're moving so fast, it's hard to... Key grip and technical coordinator.

Property master.

What's he the master of? Is he my master? Am I his property? I want to

the master!

It's all right, Earl.

I believe you.

Nurse, there's nothing more we can do. Just give him a handful of pills.