Original subtitles

Happy spring is finally here.

Everything is so green and beautiful.

Yeah, just makes you really want to be outdoors.

we are, you got an idiot growing out of your butt.

No.

It's Lamb Chop. Don't you recognize him? I bought it on an internet auction.

It's not Lamb Chop. It's just a sock.

It's like that time you bought Sammy Davis Jr.'s eyeball.

It was just a marble with a fake eyelash on it.

Oh, yeah. Well, if it's not Lamb Chop, then how come it cost me $300?

$300? Yeah.

How are you going to pay your half of the rent?

Not with money.

Puppets pay rent with laughter.

That's just great. You know what? I can't cover you this month because I

400 bucks bidding on the world's smallest Super Bowl.

There's only a thousand of these in existence.

They stopped making them for some reason.

This one was cut out of the throat of an eight -year -old.

Watch this.

I hope that's the UPS guy.

I'm buying the bones of Mr. Green Jeans. How about the bones of Eleanor

Roosevelt? They clearly came from a horse.

I'm from Cal's Auto Body. I'm delivering a car for Mr.

Drew Carey. Oh, thanks.

You got it fixed?

I thought it was total in the accident.

Uh, not total, just mostly.

It was mostly.

Look at the great job they did on her, huh?

So, what are you waiting for? Get in.

Take those four cylinders of sorority girl car and hit the open road.

Yeah, you'll finally be able to put that whole stupid coma behind you.

Drew, you okay?

Yeah, I'm just so damn happy about having my car back.

comes from it's got your crude attitude it's back where it belongs

all the little chicks with the

Starting Monday, you drive the carpool.

Oh, I can't. You know, my car's still in the shop.

Well, Steve said you got it back, so one of you is lying.

And it isn't Steve, because he won't risk the door of the booty barn closing.

The car's out of the shop. It's just not ready for the road yet, all right?

The timing chain isn't meshed up right with the carburetor, and that's causing

the zoinkinator to misfire.

You know, I work...

summer in Tulsa modifying lowriders, so I know you're talking out of your ass

-alator.

What is going on?

Hey, shouldn't you get back to work to see how long the cowboy can stay on you?

Are you calling me a bull or a whore?

Anyway, it's bad news for the cowboy.

It's not even my birthday.

Everybody has fears.

I'm trying to get over my fear of prison so I can kill you.

I'd say someone's afraid to drive.

You know, that's a medical condition.

Are you breaking out in... When I tap my fingers, you will no

longer be a big ugly chicken.

Now you'll be afraid to sit around on your butt all day.

There's something else I've been sitting on.

I hate you!

Mr. Wickham, I'm so sorry. You can't go to Grandma's house. There's been a

horrible accident involving a wolf.

No. No.

Winfred Loud is having a special promotion.

We'll be delivering Easter baskets to people's doors.

And there'll be huge profits because we're using cheap chocolate made in the

shanty towns of Rio de Janeiro.

Pat, you can taste the slave labor.

Kids will love it because kids made it. And the best news is I'm putting you in

charge of the whole operation.

And what are you supposed to do all this and my regular job?

Well, don't worry. All you have to do is hire some people to deliver the

baskets. Oh, but they have to be delivered Easter morning by people

as... As Bunny is.

Well, I'll do it. I could use the extra cash.

Yeah, he's already got the truck.

Let me put this in words that you can understand.

You're a dimwit.

A fool.

A buffoon.

An ignoramus.

A simpleton.

As Bugs Bunny would say, you're an outroman room.

He does say that.

Mr. Wick, you said I could hire whoever I wanted to. I'm hiring Oswald.

Oh, all right, then hire the after -school special.

But if anything goes wrong, you will work the next three weekends, and you

get the pay raise next evaluation, and you and I have to take a walking tour of

Illinois. I don't know the state, and I'd like to.

Thanks, buddy. I'll get my friends at Global Parcel to help out.

I'm a little parched. I could use a little H2O -O -O.

Well, my name's Lewis.

You know, water is the lifeblood of the human race, so I feel I owe you my life.

In return, I'd like to offer myself as your human slave, a water goddess.

Okay, slave.

Could you pull me over that dolly so I can unload the rest of the water?

Yes, Your Majesty.

Thank you.

I worked out my pulling muscles this morning. I don't want them getting

than my pushers.

You know, you're kind of cute in a weird way.

Cute enough for you to give me your phone number?

Sure, why not?

I've given it to Uglier.

Save the sweet talk for the pillow, baby.

from a genuine woman.

Oh, that's cool, Lewis. Hey, maybe this works out. Those calluses will go away.

I'm proud of you, buddy.

Give me some love.

Hey,

is there something wrong with our tradition of getting drunk on Easter

Eve?

Hey, you know, if there's something wrong with that, then there's something

wrong with getting drunk on New Year's Eve, huh?

Or Christmas Eve.

Or Arbor Day Eve.

By the way, do we do anything special for Friday Eve?

I'm not going to keep being the designated driver.

You weren't. We walked here.

Drew, anyway, you should drive. You got your car back.

No, see, if I drive, then I can't drink. And if I can't drink, then I can't be

as witty and fun as I am right now.

Well,

I'm not drunk enough.

I can't stop thinking about my water goddess.

You believe her company won't give out her personal information? You know, I

even had Kate pretend to be her sister, but they didn't fall for it.

You know, it was kind of awkward because I didn't know my own sister's name and

I had to ask for the buffalo with the nice dress.

Is the four always this hot?

Where's Oswald? His truck's outside. He should be here.

Well, you know, maybe he passed out. He's had a tough week of picking up

and coordinating drivers.

It's good for me, though.

My little man's been sleeping right through the night.

Hey, Speedy. What's going on?

Hey, come on. Hey, I'm not holding my shirt.

Doesn't look like mud.

Oh, Speedy.

It's only chocolate.

Off the bottom of a dog's paws.

Too many baskets.

Too many baskets.

What the hell is going on?

Oh, my God.

There's melted chocolate everywhere.

Basement, too hot. Too hot. Basement, too hot.

All the baskets are ruined.

Oswald, too dumb.

Oswald, too dumb.

Well, the basement was too cold, so I turned up the furnace and then melted

the bunnies. The bunnies.

Oswald, all these baskets are supposed to be your buddy's trucks by now.

You have to deliver these tomorrow morning.

I know! Stop yelling at me!

I got greedy, okay?

I thought if I delivered all the baskets myself, I wouldn't have to split the

money. I thought a lot about the money.

I thought so much about the money, I forgot to think there's absolutely no

can deliver all these baskets by myself in one day.

So I panicked and I moved them down here.

That's a load off.

Boy, you're going to be in big trouble with Wick if you don't fix this.

So what's your plan?

I went to every store I could find open, and they're all sold out of Easter

candy. I got one bunny, and it was from the sex shop. I made it okay for kids,

though. I ate the naughty part.

Well, this is just great.

I tried to do a favor for Oswald, and what do I get?

Covered in chocolate on Easter morning.

I know it doesn't sound bad, but by golly, I am very upset.

You know what? There's not going to be enough room for this in the truck, so

and Lewis are going to have to load up some baskets in your car and deliver

them. I told you I can't use my car to deliver these. My car is covered in

crazy flames.

The kids will think the Easter Bunny is some kind of dope fiend.

Drew, is there some sort of problem with your car? You seem to be making a lot

of excuses not to drive it.

Well, hmm.

We could stand here and discuss that all day if we want to. Or we could get back

to work and make hundreds of children happy on Easter morning. I vote for

children happy.

What do you vote for?

What the hell? What the hell is going on here?

Oh, we're making more chocolate.

We had to throw a lot of it away because it was on the floor.

We tried to strain it, but it was just too hairy.

Yeah, so we're making more of my anti -chocolate syrup. Yoo -hoo's.

And water.

And then when it hardens, we'll mold it into bunnies.

In short, Drew panics. Oswald calmly solves the problem.

The chocolate's never going to harden now.

What are we going to do? do? We're supposed to deliver these baskets in

than an hour. And what I'm hearing is, Oswald, I've gotten myself into another

mess. Please fix it.

All right, fix it.

You're mean.

This is just great.

What do we got? Look at this.

One happy child.

And everybody else is going to get a basket full of grass.

And... Check it out.

A baggie full of Easter gravy.

Two.

Hey, who's the last one?

My God, it's the world's ugliest playmate.

loading up Drew's car and get out of here.

What are you loading up my car for? I told you I wasn't going to drive.

Yeah, Drew, we're never going to finish in time if you don't help deliver the

baskets. But I can, I'm telling you.

Look, I'm part Jewish and you like to keep a low profile on Easter.

Drew, don't be ridiculous. Just get in your car and drive.

I can't.

Look, I've been lying to you guys. I haven't driven my car since I got it

okay? Why not?

Because the last time I drove it, I almost died.

I'm a little afraid, all right?

Oh, please. Why don't you just admit you're afraid?

I did.

What?

I did!

Hey, if you have to use my car, Lewis, can't you just drive?

Yeah, okay, I'll drive.

Lewis, why don't you drive him?

You don't have an answer for that.

Use your imagination.

Geez, mister, these baskets are all drippy. Yeah, this sucks.

Look, just enjoy it, okay?

When you're an adult and all your dreams melt.

And when she came out to see what magical creature had made this mess, it

already gone.

All

right,

give me some more baskets.

Oswald, you sound like you're dying in that suit.

At least stop hopping to every house.

I'm a bunny. It's what we do.

There's no way we're going to be able to deliver all these baskets.

I'm hopping as fast as I can, you crazy bitch.

You know, I always wanted a rabbit coat.

I guess we're going to have to use the accelerated expedited delivery.

Also known as AED for some reason.

What's that?

Here comes Peter Cottontail.

Cottontail!

25 baskets left. We're making good time.

You know, Louis, that's really nice.

You take drivers like this one often.

You know, like, every morning when I have to go to work and at night around

talk about our days.

Look, Drew, I don't know if this helps, but when I was a kid, I was afraid of

swimming, so my dad took me down to the lake.

Don't tell me he threw you in the lake to teach you how to swim, huh?

No, he beat the living crap out of me. I still can't swim.

What are you trying to say?

I'm trying to say I hate my father. Aren't you listening?

Oh, dear God. There goes my water goddess.

Lewis, what are you doing? This may be my last chance. I've got to go after

Wait. Sorry, man. Hose before bros.

Lewis, wait. Don't leave me like this.

Sorry.

Second.

What's the accident occur?

Two miles to the home.

I'm six, seven miles away right now.

Wait.

What if I get in an accident with someone who's only two miles from their

Steady.

Time to get back on that horse.

Oh, crap.

I'm afraid of horses, too.

Well, we did it, Kate. We delivered all the baskets.

Who is the bunny?

Who is the bunny?

You are... hip and pop.

Hey.

Hey. Well, of course, Drew.

Oh, I, uh, jumped out of the car at Euclid and 14, so he's probably at, uh,

Euclid and 14.

You slept with him?

How could you?

He's afraid to drive.

I had to. I found my water goddess.

Heidi, my...

Happy Easter.

I thought this would be a good gift because Jesus walked on this stuff.

Hey, Drew. Hey, Drew.

Hey, you know, I did it. I drove home all by myself.

There you go.

Oh, I get it.

My cousin's kind of slow, and we are always encouraging him, too.

Maybe you and Lester can get together for a play date.

Sorry about leaving you out there, buddy, but I think you can understand

Congratulations, Joe.

Glad I could help out.

Come on, let's go back in.

Hey, Lester. Hey, guys.

Hey, I can't get my hands off the steering wheel.

Guys?

Guys?

Hello?

Anybody?

Are you on the screen?

Hello?

Creep.

Ding dong. Jackass.

Superboob. Moron.

Wantwit.

Nobody calls me wantwit.