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All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s06e16 Drew And The Baby

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:02,120 Doctor, what's happening? 2 00:00:03,340 --> 00:00:04,940 His breathing's very labored. 3 00:00:05,420 --> 00:00:06,720 But it's always that way. 4 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:12,540 Since we've taken him off life support, he's fallen deeper into the coma. 5 00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:15,120 I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we're losing him. 6 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:22,480 Drew, I... I can't let you go without getting this off my chest. 7 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,160 I cheated you out of $200. 8 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:26,860 What? 9 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:30,480 Remember that time that you gained weight on the Dr. Von Diedelman 10 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:31,480 diet? 11 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:35,380 I'm Dr. Von Diedelman. 12 00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:47,340 Drew, as long as we're confessing, I've got something to tell you, too. 13 00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:50,820 You know that kinky thing I said I only did with you? 14 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:53,780 I do it with everyone. 15 00:00:57,260 --> 00:00:58,400 It's what I'm known for. 16 00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:07,140 You can't hold this inside any longer. 17 00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:08,660 Drew? 18 00:01:09,060 --> 00:01:10,380 I slept with Oswald's mom. 19 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:13,800 What does that have to do with Drew? 20 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:15,700 Nothing, but he loves to hear stuff like this. 21 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:18,540 Oswald's mom was amazing. 22 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,580 She even did the Kate thing. 23 00:01:31,950 --> 00:01:34,510 I better check on poor Drew. He could be dying even as we speak. 24 00:01:34,990 --> 00:01:36,470 You're not going anywhere, Steve. 25 00:01:36,870 --> 00:01:38,490 My contractions are getting closer. 26 00:01:38,870 --> 00:01:42,710 Now, where's that damn video guy? I want him here filming when I poop out the 27 00:01:42,710 --> 00:01:43,710 baby. 28 00:01:45,830 --> 00:01:47,430 Maybe don't turn the audio off. 29 00:01:49,490 --> 00:01:54,030 I might have to get your bag out of your car. No, I'll just be going to dig my 30 00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:55,110 eyes out with a spoon. 31 00:01:56,930 --> 00:01:57,930 Quick, quick. 32 00:01:58,510 --> 00:02:01,470 Our video guy didn't show up, and I can't do it because I'm the labor coach. 33 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:02,840 You've got to do this for me, please. 34 00:02:03,060 --> 00:02:04,060 Please! 35 00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:42,100 He's almost gone. 36 00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:44,140 Come on, Drew. 37 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:45,360 Don't give up. 38 00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:47,440 Drew Carey, you listen to me. 39 00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:50,860 You are not going to leave us. You're going to open your eyes and come back to 40 00:02:50,860 --> 00:02:52,320 us this very moment because we love you. 41 00:03:12,590 --> 00:03:15,890 The rest of the world will go to the place of the man. 42 00:04:04,460 --> 00:04:05,800 I'm on my way to be born. 43 00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,180 Oh, hey. 44 00:04:08,820 --> 00:04:09,820 It's nice to meet you. 45 00:04:12,060 --> 00:04:13,060 Where are you going? 46 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,680 I am going up to heaven, and I couldn't be happier. 47 00:04:16,019 --> 00:04:17,260 No more real life for me. 48 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,360 No more heartache, no more taking crap at work. 49 00:04:21,079 --> 00:04:24,140 Hey, good luck on that big ball of suffering I call Earth. 50 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:30,020 They said all babies have unlimited potential, and life is what you make of 51 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,340 gotta go. My brother's expecting you. 52 00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:42,160 Really? What's my dad like, anyway? 53 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,440 Oh, you're gonna love him. He's great. 54 00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:46,300 What's my mom like? 55 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,100 You know what else you're gonna love? 56 00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:50,540 Ham. 57 00:04:52,060 --> 00:04:53,560 Really? What's my mom like? 58 00:04:54,180 --> 00:04:55,820 Uh, you know, the Beauty and the Beast? 59 00:04:56,220 --> 00:04:57,220 She's like one of them. 60 00:04:58,400 --> 00:04:59,400 Which one? 61 00:05:00,860 --> 00:05:02,320 Your dad's really great. 62 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,080 I don't want a mom 63 00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:09,610 Mimi's a little different, but I know she's going to love you. 64 00:05:09,990 --> 00:05:12,750 She already started making a little velvet jumpsuit with a big purple hat. 65 00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:15,070 You're going to look like the world's smallest pimp. 66 00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:17,090 What's a pimp? 67 00:05:17,170 --> 00:05:18,850 Oh, that's kind of hard to explain. 68 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:20,690 Hey, let me hear you say this. 69 00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:22,130 Bitch, where's my money? 70 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,350 Bitch, where's my money? 71 00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:28,390 That's funny coming out of a baby. 72 00:05:28,970 --> 00:05:32,190 You think that's funny? Watch this. I'm going back to heaven. 73 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,080 Contractions are slowing. 74 00:05:45,140 --> 00:05:46,920 It's like the baby doesn't want to come out. 75 00:05:50,780 --> 00:05:54,060 Oh, no, you don't. You're not going to start disobeying your mom now. You're 76 00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:55,060 coming out pronto. 77 00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:56,620 Foursets! 78 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,360 I told you, don't give her the instruments. 79 00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:34,840 Hey, 80 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:37,920 come on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, come on. 81 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,060 You're going to break their hearts if you're not born. 82 00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:44,240 Come on, sure, Mimi might be mean to some people, but I'm sure she's going to 83 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:45,240 great to her own kid. 84 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,240 Yeah? Prove it. 85 00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:49,540 How am I supposed to prove something like that? 86 00:06:50,060 --> 00:06:55,920 Well, since my body's about to pop out and it needs a soul, why don't you go 87 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:56,920 down instead? 88 00:06:57,260 --> 00:06:59,660 You can show me it'll be okay to be Mimi's kid. 89 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,200 Well, I'm kind of on my way to heaven right now. 90 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:06,640 Fine. I'll go up with you. It's karaoke night. 91 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:09,640 Karaoke? I thought this was heaven. 92 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,820 All right. I'll do it. 93 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,000 I want to show you what great parents you have. 94 00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:21,580 Oh, man. I can't believe I'm doing this. 95 00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:25,740 Oh, they better rinse me off pretty good when I come out of there. 96 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:19,860 establish the hour. 97 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,140 Oh God, here he comes! 98 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:26,980 And then a very, very slow pan to the cute nurse. 99 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,600 What's her story? What's she thinking? 100 00:08:59,180 --> 00:09:00,340 Just let me clean him up for you. 101 00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:01,700 Well, hurry up. 102 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:39,980 He's trying to make little baby noises. 103 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,920 Well, I guess this won't be so bad for a couple hours. I mean, nobody loves me. 104 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,000 All I gotta do is eat and poop. 105 00:09:50,740 --> 00:09:53,400 Mimi, we didn't discuss this. Do you want to circumcise your baby? 106 00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:23,560 I'm going to get a stuffed pig. 107 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:25,760 You know that little guy? 108 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,940 They're going to take yet another picture of me. You know why? Because she 109 00:10:28,940 --> 00:10:30,140 me. She cherishes me. 110 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:31,480 Isn't that a good mother? 111 00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:33,540 I'll get it. 112 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,120 Baby, don't! Baby, don't! 113 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:40,440 Is he okay? 114 00:10:40,660 --> 00:10:41,860 This could be about Drew. 115 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:43,280 He's fine. 116 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:47,640 Yeah. Okay, thanks. 117 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:49,720 That was Kate. 118 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:53,920 She said Drew could be in the coma indefinitely, so they decided to take 119 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:54,920 home. 120 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,200 Well, that'll be the first vegetable in that house. 121 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,660 Sorry, honey. 122 00:11:02,740 --> 00:11:05,420 They can do whatever they want with my body. Because when I'm done with this, 123 00:11:05,460 --> 00:11:06,460 I'm going straight to heaven. 124 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:08,560 What are you doing? 125 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,560 breakfast for me. I'm not really a breakfast person. 126 00:11:26,020 --> 00:11:29,540 Why does he always fight this? 127 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:32,120 Never eat anything bigger than a head. Haven't you ever heard that? 128 00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:35,100 No, me neither. 129 00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:38,300 Maybe he'd take it if you put a little honey on your nipple. 130 00:11:39,820 --> 00:11:42,440 Maybe he'd put a steak and a whore on her nipple like Stumpfbite. 131 00:11:44,540 --> 00:11:47,320 Take a drink! You take a drink! 132 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,280 Damn it, suckle me! 133 00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:51,900 Maybe we should try again later. 134 00:12:04,110 --> 00:12:05,710 Forget about what you saw. We've done some good things today. 135 00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:07,950 Okay, so let's switch. 136 00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:11,310 One, two, three, switch. 137 00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:14,850 Damn, I'm going to be a baby my whole life. 138 00:12:16,710 --> 00:12:17,810 Maybe he has a temperature. 139 00:12:18,350 --> 00:12:20,730 You get the thermometer and I'll open up his diaper. 140 00:12:58,510 --> 00:13:01,190 Not a waitress. I work for the patient. 141 00:13:01,550 --> 00:13:03,230 Huh. Okay. 142 00:13:03,570 --> 00:13:04,710 Who wants beer? 143 00:13:09,650 --> 00:13:12,470 Oh, the patient is thirsty, nurse bitch. 144 00:13:16,990 --> 00:13:20,410 Hey, how's Drew doing? He's up 300 bucks. 145 00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:24,650 Sorry, no change. 146 00:13:24,910 --> 00:13:25,910 Did you bring the baby? 147 00:13:25,950 --> 00:13:27,550 Yeah, maybe he'll be in in a minute. 148 00:13:28,750 --> 00:13:29,750 How you doing, little brother? 149 00:13:32,450 --> 00:13:34,110 Why is there an ace up Drew's sleeve? 150 00:13:36,330 --> 00:13:37,990 Because we wanted him to win. 151 00:13:40,710 --> 00:13:42,750 Beautiful lady with a beautiful baby. 152 00:13:49,570 --> 00:13:56,450 Would you guys watch the baby for a second? I'd take him in there, but I 153 00:13:56,450 --> 00:13:57,450 don't want him to catch the coma. 154 00:14:01,230 --> 00:14:02,890 you guys are here. Now listen to me very carefully. 155 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:06,990 I'm trapped inside the body of a baby. You have to help me out. 156 00:14:09,570 --> 00:14:10,570 Listen, 157 00:14:12,650 --> 00:14:13,650 this is really important. 158 00:14:13,690 --> 00:14:15,150 It's a metaphysical nightmare. 159 00:14:15,590 --> 00:14:22,550 One of you people have to... Lewis, 160 00:14:24,790 --> 00:14:26,370 look at my eyes. 161 00:14:26,830 --> 00:14:28,750 Don't you see Drew Carey inside of here? 162 00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:33,140 New baby smell. 163 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:40,300 I hope Drew comes out of his coma so you can meet him. 164 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:44,000 Well, if he doesn't, we're going to tell him what a great guy his uncle was. 165 00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:48,100 Hey, stop talking about Drew like he's dead. He's going to come out of that 166 00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:51,480 soon, and we're all going to be down at the Warsaw having a beer. You'll see. 167 00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:53,460 Wow. 168 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,500 I didn't realize how much I missed you guys. 169 00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:58,080 Hey, does baby want a pretzel? No, no. 170 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,240 so much. I wouldn't want to live if you weren't here. 171 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:19,580 Hey, what's going on? 172 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,600 I heard what my mom said. She really loves me. 173 00:15:24,460 --> 00:15:25,840 Well, why don't you get back down there? 174 00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:27,500 Well, okay. 175 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,120 It's too bad I'm not going to see you again. 176 00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:31,800 You would have been a great uncle. 177 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,120 Oh, thanks. 178 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:37,520 Hey, when I grow up, is there anything you want me to tell your friends? 179 00:15:40,220 --> 00:15:41,220 Yeah. 180 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,440 Tell them I might miss them. 181 00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:45,950 And I wish I was there. 182 00:15:47,130 --> 00:15:51,070 And tell him that the best times I ever had with him was when we were just 183 00:15:51,070 --> 00:15:52,070 hanging out having a beer. 184 00:15:57,090 --> 00:16:00,650 Hell, I'll tell him myself. 185 00:16:01,810 --> 00:16:02,870 I'm going down there with you. 186 00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:09,030 Hey, if we're both up here, whose soul is down on the baby? 187 00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:16,500 Hey, little baby. 188 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,960 I hope I didn't scare you too much with that pretzel. 189 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,920 I swear to God, I saw Drew's hand move. Maybe he's coming back to us. 190 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,160 He's awake. 191 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,520 Drew, if you can hear us, say something. 192 00:17:15,339 --> 00:17:17,400 Get the catheter out of me. 193 00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:24,200 Drew, I'm so happy you're back. You had us all so scared. 194 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:25,920 How long was I out here? 195 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,420 Oh, quite a while. 196 00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:29,180 It's the year 2183. 197 00:17:31,260 --> 00:17:35,880 And I'm the great -grandson of Louis Koniski, the world's first... emperor, 198 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,640 you, unfortunately, are my slave. 199 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,700 Kate, how long was I out? Simon's slave! 200 00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:50,660 Oh. 201 00:17:51,060 --> 00:17:52,500 Is that who I think it is? 202 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,260 True. Meet your little nephew. 203 00:17:56,220 --> 00:17:57,220 Oh. 204 00:17:57,580 --> 00:17:58,580 We already met. 205 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:04,520 I was going up to heaven in a lazy boy cloud, and he was going down in his 206 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:09,180 cloud. and we got to talking and my soul went into his body. 207 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:11,000 I was your baby for a whole day. 208 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,880 Oh, this is so sweet. 209 00:18:14,140 --> 00:18:17,420 Bill, why don't you get some sleep? You must be so tired after going up to 210 00:18:17,420 --> 00:18:19,380 heaven and switching bodies with my son. 211 00:18:19,860 --> 00:18:20,860 No, no, no. 212 00:18:22,020 --> 00:18:24,040 No, he was never into my body. 213 00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:26,700 Yeah, that would be so crazy. 214 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:29,680 Okay, bye -bye. 215 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:31,820 Bye, little fella. 216 00:18:32,060 --> 00:18:33,900 We're going to have such good times together. 217 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,420 Yeah, get some sleep. Okay, night -night. 218 00:18:38,260 --> 00:18:40,600 Uncle Crackers never sees the baby. 219 00:18:44,220 --> 00:18:46,420 And then me and the baby floated back to Earth in our clouds. 220 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,520 Next thing you know, I woke up out here with you guys. 221 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,040 Wow. That's pretty heavy, man. 222 00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,700 That's an amazing story, Joe. 223 00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:02,520 He left all you want. 224 00:19:02,940 --> 00:19:06,760 But everything I told you is true, I'm telling you. This thing changed my life. 225 00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:10,440 Yeah. You know, after the accident, we got your car fixed. 226 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:14,320 But if you're too scared to drive for a while, we can all drive you around. 227 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:15,620 Yeah. 228 00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:21,960 You guys sold my car, didn't you? 229 00:19:31,290 --> 00:19:34,090 I can't let you go without getting this off my chest. 230 00:19:35,270 --> 00:19:40,870 And action. 231 00:19:41,710 --> 00:19:45,630 Drew, I can't let you go without getting this off my chest. Remember that time? 232 00:19:48,030 --> 00:19:49,030 Drew, 233 00:19:52,710 --> 00:19:56,970 I can't let you go without getting this off my chest. 234 00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:08,680 Drew, I can't let you go without getting this off my chest. 235 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,340 I cheated you out of $200. 236 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:15,540 You remember that time that you gained weight on the Dr. Von Diedelman 237 00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:16,540 diet? What? 17032