Original subtitles

Look at that!

Look at that.

Whoa!

Hey, I'm flying!

Oh, my God!

Yeah!

Yeah! Whoa!

Yeah!

This must be a gift from God.

There must be a higher purpose to all of this.

naked lady vacuuming.

Uh -oh.

There's no way to be in mugs.

This looks like a job board.

I've got this one.

Wow, it's Captain Marvel.

That's right, Drew.

Hey, I'm having a party at my house.

Liars only.

I know where you live down here. Are you from Cleveland?

You know that office building over at Euclid and 13th? Yeah. Go there, make it

up. It's about 3 ,000 miles. You can't miss it. Cool. See you there.

Here's your balloon, little boy.

Actually, mister, this balloon holds my message to God.

I want my mommy to get off the sauce.

Hey, how about if I do a somersault for you?

Okay.

Ta -da.

It's all done.

Do it again, mister.

I'm just a little out of breath.

My baby brother has no bones.

Is he going to be okay?

Well, he stained a theory of head injury in the car accident.

I'm afraid he slipped into a coma.

Girlfriend in a coma, I know, I know, it's really serious.

Let me whisper my life goodbye, I know it's serious.

Poor guy.

Okay. This is awful.

Yeah.

Without his glasses, he looks kind of like a newborn pig.

There.

That's better.

Now when he wakes up out of his coma, he'll be able to see us.

Of course, with all the brain damage, he won't recognize us.

Good. It'll be like we're meeting for the first time.

We can make a better first impression.

Yeah. Hey.

Now Mr. Brain Damage is going to be the dumb one.

Come on. Wake up, stupid. Hey.

You can't just wake him up.

Drew, it's Kate. Can you hear me?

I'm your best friend and I don't want to lose you.

You've co -signed on things you don't even know about.

Oh, my God.

How is he?

They don't know. He's in a coma.

Don't you worry. Steve's here now.

Mom and Dad are coming. They're stuck on a cruise in Alaska.

This is horrible.

He's going to come out of it, right?

Doc says he might just wake up or might need a shock to assist him.

Honey, this is your area.

Okay, let's see.

Shock.

All right.

Matter of life and death.

When I was a roadie, that brought back the lead singer of Foghead four times.

Poor little brother, where are you?

What kind of hell are you in right now?

Morning.

Morning.

Who are you?

I'm your alarm clock and you're my little sleepyhead.

No. No, he's my little sleepyhead.

My sleepyhead. My sleepyhead. My sleepyhead.

I'm up, I'm up, I'm up, I'm up.

Would you like some breakfast? Sure.

Help yourself to the pizza tree.

Mama Mia, that's a nice tree.

And if the pizza makes you thirsty?

Just stick your mug into that beer bottle.

You know, I have to say, this is about the greatest dream I've ever had.

Good morning.

And now it's a nightmare.

Actually, no. You're in a coma.

No way.

Way. You were in a car accident.

Get out.

What's the last thing that you remember?

Let me see. I was driving to work.

I remember thinking to myself, man, this window defroster has taken forever.

Oh, no.

Uh -huh. You're in the hospital right now.

See?

It is me.

Hey, look at my friends.

Can you hear me? Hello?

I can't be in a coma right now. I have so much to do. I have to go to work this

weekend. I have to do inventory.

I have to put my storm windows up.

Wait a second.

I'm in a coma. I have to do a damn thing.

I'm in a coma.

Hey,

Doc, when you're done there, how about saving me a trip to the OB and checking

on Junior here?

Just put it on the vegetables tab.

Doctor, how's he doing?

His vital signs have stabilized.

I'd like to give him an injection, but I'll need permission from a relative.

Are you his wife?

No, that would be me.

Well, this must be a very difficult time for you.

Why?

Oh, yes, yes, the coma. Oh, so can God.

I'd like to give your husband an injection of dextroth naloxone and

could bring him out of the coma.

I don't need your signature right here. Of course.

I'm his brother.

I'll sign it.

Fine. All those months of this fake gay wife must count for nothing.

Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but we need to go over your schedule.

My schedule? Hey, why don't you call me sir?

I'm your slave.

Interesting.

If we could move along, sir. I hope I didn't book too much in your schedule.

At 2 o 'clock, you have a threesome. At 3 o 'clock, you have a foursome. And at

5 o 'clock, you have sex with George Clooney.

No one's here to judge you.

Did you ever stop to think I might want to have a nap before I have sex with

George Clooney?

It's a coma.

You never get tired.

Are we down south? Because I'm hearing some sassafras.

I'm so sorry, sir.

Thank you, sir.

It's from your foot that I learn.

Hey, what's this door over here?

That's the door to great sports moments.

Can you believe I'm 40?

Sir, it's time to start the orgy. And don't forget, we need a theme.

Oh, let me see. What should it be?

Nurses? Cheerleaders?

Tough -but -fair lady professors?

Why not have them all?

Hey, that's a great idea. You just earned yourself another kick in the ass.

But I don't understand.

You don't have to.

How long does it take for the shot to work?

Well, if it works, we'll know almost immediately.

What the

heck's going on

here? You just had an injection of dextrose, naloxone, and thiamine.

What? Pardon me, sir.

They're trying to bring you out of the coma, pig.

Sorry, just a bit of the real world slipping in.

I don't want to go back there.

I want to rot here forever.

Switch me to an HMO!

I demand negligent care!

I'm sorry he's not responding to the injection.

He may never come out of the coma.

Go coma.

Go coma. Go coma. Go coma. There is one more option.

If we take Mr. Carey off the respirator, he'll have to fight to live.

And that just might shock his system out of the coma.

What if it doesn't work?

Then he'll die.

Wait! No!

Don't take me off the respirator! I want to stay here in my coma!

Don't you...

I just lost my girlfriend. I'm in a dead -end job. I'm married to a man. I'm...

I don't need another one. I'm married to a man.

Let me stay here in my coma.

I know.

I'll blink in Morse code.

I wish there was some way Drew could let us know what he wants us to do.

Do... Not... Take... Me...

Oh, this is creepy.

Drew, I hope you can hear me.

The doctor's coming in soon, but we're not ready to take you off the respirator

yet. This is a long fact, but we heard that sometimes people can come out of

comas when they're surrounded by familiar things.

So as we couldn't bring you home, we thought we'd bring home to you.

Oh.

Hey, little bro, look who's here. It's Mom and Dad.

Oh, yes, you drew. Get out of that bed, you lazy bum, and give your old man a

hug.

I hate to see you in bed lying motionless like your father.

I'd move if there was something to move for.

I've been telling you for 30 years, I won't do that.

Show me in the Bible where it says we can't do that, Bueller.

was perfect.

Amy, do you want to try something?

Yeah, everybody kiss the pig. What do you want me to do? Hop up and ride him

through the pearly gates?

Kate, you're our last hope.

Drew, you always said my singing would wake the dead.

So here goes.

God, you're here, Ed.

Yeah. We need you to play Drew's favorite song. Maybe that'll bring him

it.

He looks like a baby pig.

Come on, Shakespeare.

Answer the question.

Me thinks... Me thinks... Think faster, because you're running out of time.

What was J .J.'s catchphrase on the TV show Good Times?

My bounty is as boundless as the sea.

My love as deep.

The more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.

Oh, that is beautiful.

Hey,

you're up, babe.

Oh, history.

I should know this.

Oh, well, you're never going to get this one.

Sir, I studied history by candlelight for 30 years.

All right, but still not going to get it. Damn it, sir. Just ask me.

decision yet?

Well, I guess we don't have a choice.

Pull the plug and hope to God he comes back to us.

Come on, Drew, you can do this.

Oh, my God!

What? What did you see, Drew? No!

My water broke!

No, Mr. Cherry, it was called the Missouri Compromise. In your face!

Talked about 500 years after your death.

Time's up.

Pencil down. Please pass your test through.

Where am I?

Judgment high. You're taking the H -A -T's.

H -A -T's? What's that?

Heavenly aptitude test.

If you pass, you go to heaven. If you fail, you go to hell.

What's going on?

Your friends pulled the plug.

Now you're either going to live or die.

I could die?

What happens to me if I die?

Well, let me have a look at your test, Tally, your sins.

Hey, you're looking there.

Masturbation wouldn't be a sin, would it?

I guess if it was, I wouldn't be here. I'd be giving Hitler a sponge bath.

Well, this looks like mostly nickel and dime stuff. I'd say you're in.

I'm in?

Oh, I'm going to heaven?

Yep. That is if you choose to die now.

So, it's my choice, huh?

Hey, what's heaven like anyway? Is it better than my coma?

Yes, in fact, I'd say it's the only place other than the Mall of America

actually lives up to the hype.

What about all my friends and family? I don't want to leave them behind. Are

they going to go to heaven, too? All of them, except for one.

Oh.

I'm going to miss this.

Ow!

Nice work.

Well, say goodbye to that galaxy and its ten billion inhabitants.

If we take Mr. Carey off the respirator, he'll have to fight to live.

And that just might shock his system out of the cone.

If we take Mr. Carey off the respirator, he'll have to fight to live.

There is one more option.

If we take Mr. Carey off the respirator...