Original subtitles

Wow, we finally made it to the big leagues. Check it out.

Capiercino, Pete's Wicked Ale, Great Lakes Brewery.

Will the Klan make the beer?

Hey,

look, they got a joke on every bottle. Oh, dear God.

At least it's like over 200 beers here.

How are we ever going to get picked to be beer of the month? Not a problem.

Lewis and I came up with an idea that'll have people sucking up to us come vote

time. Yeah, doesn't matter how drunk you are, you'll never spill again with our

brand new nipple tops.

It's the other way your mother would have given it to you.

Now, what do you think is going to happen when you put that in the

next to a real baby bottle?

Hey, there's less alcohol in these than there was in my mother's breast milk.

She'd have been drinking flaming shots if you were inside me.

Come on, Drew.

You know you want us.

You can suck on them all you want, and when you're done, you can get ten cents

for them. In every state except Delaware, Iowa, and Massachusetts.

So, Drew, what do you think of our Buzzbeard mythophiles?

Oh, let's see if the idea flies.

Okay. Idea!

Oh,

looks like we're all having dumb idea for dinner tonight.

Excuse me.

We're from Buzzbeard. We're looking for a booth.

Sorry, I don't have a Buzzbeard on my list.

Well, we gotta be on the list. I wrote the check. She filled out the form.

Oswald, you mailed it.

Listen, I'm sorry about the screw -up. Can't you just process our application

real quick and give us a booth?

You know, I'd really like to help you out, but all the booths are taken.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

They're stupid.

Come on, give me a break. Can't you see what I'm working with here?

The pregnant one does look unnaturally strong.

Let's see what I can do for you.

Well, there's one space that I guess could be used as a booth, but none of

other breweries have ever wanted to set up there. I don't care. We'll take it.

Space 73.

All right, good luck. Thanks.

I can't believe you guys.

You know, if we win beer of the month, we get double our sales, you almost

that up. I'm at the end of my rope with you two.

You guys are going to put this man in an early grave.

Hey. Here we are at 73.

Hey, neighbors.

Alcohol? Could they be any more generic?

I don't know. It does make me want to drink.

Hey, come on. Not like you're going to suddenly fall over dead.

It's a long, slow death.

Why don't you get a big red note?

Oh, fuck off.

What the hell are you doing?

Saving lives. We're with the Cleveland Memorial Clinic for alcohol awareness.

Hey, Columbo, it's a beer convention. I think they're aware of alcohol.

Well, it's a public health issue. The city would only approve the convention

they gave us a booth.

Oh, this is just great.

Now, no one's going to come over to the booth and drink. And we're going to lose

out on beer of the month. I am so mad at you two right now.

That's how you treat a nipple?

No wonder you're alone.

I was thinking I know how to attract people to our booth Milk and gorge

I got them a few times.

Oh, you know, Mimi, I wouldn't want to exploit a woman in your condition.

You mean pregnant?

Yeah, that's one way to look at it, sure.

Hi. Hi, Brian.

Is there a story behind this, or do they do this for good?

They're being punished.

Because of them. We got stuck at a booth at the beer festival that's right next

to a giant diseased liver.

Sucks. But at least I can finally do this to a guy.

Come in, Rangoon.

Oh, you can twist harder than that. Come on, do it.

Pipe down, dimwit. Not allowed to speak till spoken to.

All right, that's it.

I've had enough of you.

I am a grown man.

I will not be treated as a child.

Think about this, Mr. D. Allison Carey. The way you treat your friends says a

lot about you.

Yeah, my friends are idiots.

This is not over.

So what are you guys going to do? I don't know. We've got to figure a way to

draw people over to the booth and get them to start drinking.

Hey, you know there's this guy outside the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame who sells

roasted nuts.

There's always a crowd because people are drawn to the smell.

I mean, no one buys anything when they get there because he's got these doors

all over his hand.

No, you're right.

I can't smell a nut without wanting to pop it in my mouth.

Look, I think Mr. Peanut just went gay.

Top hat, cane, monocle, he's always been gay.

You know, it's not a bad idea.

The smell brings him in, the salt keeps him drinking.

Hey, I got panties that say that.

Nonetheless... It's a pretty good idea.

Why don't we see if that guy at Ren's shoe is current for the weekend?

Hey, no!

You are not going anywhere.

No playing with matches, no playing with the stove, and if the cat in the hat

drops by, you do not let him in the house.

What?

It's a book. They haven't made the movie yet.

I hate it when they treat us like idiots.

I don't know. I think it feels kind of comforting. Like an old blanket you can

just wrap yourself in.

You're an idiot.

I've got to admit, we did let Drew down by getting such a crummy booth.

I'm sure there's some way we can make it up to him.

You know, if we came up with a better idea than theirs to bring people to the

booth, we'd be the big heroes.

And what's better than peanuts?

The circus.

Everybody loves the circus. They love the lions and the tigers. And bears. Oh,

man. I didn't think of this before. It's perfect.

Junko got this bear from the Russian circus.

He used to drive around the ring in this little car.

Well, why'd they buy a bear?

Oh, well, the scientists are stockpiling two of every animal, and they're

building this ship for... Oh, my God.

No, no, the boss says it's for no apparent reason. Oh, good.

Hey, so do you think the bear would want to do it?

Oh, yeah, sure. He loves beer. But, you know, when it comes time for him to pay

for a round, suddenly he's hibernating.

Great. Then we'll set him up next to our booth and we'll have him drink Buzz

beer. Because if I know one thing, it's this. People want to do what they see

bears do.

Great. I'll go down and sign him out for the weekend. Okay.

Wait a minute.

We promised Drew we would think through our idea so we didn't screw up anymore.

Right. We're talking about taking a live beer -drinking bear into a convention

hall full of people.

You see any problems with that?

Just one.

If we don't do it, someone else will.

Anyway, the bear says, you're not really here to hunt, are you?

But anyway, the guy I really hate down at work is that Henderson guy in

research.

Can I stop talking about people I don't know?

No, sorry.

It sounds like Drew's car.

I thought you said he was down at the convention hall setting up.

What? He must have come back for something.

Well, we can't let him see the bear yet. I mean, he's going to think it's a dumb

idea. You know, because he hasn't thought it through like we have. Right,

I'll take Buzzy outside.

Okay. Come on, Buzzy.

Whoa, whoa.

Hey, are those salmon spawning out there?

God, they're so close you could just reach out and grab one.

I'll get him.

Hey,

Buzzy.

How about a beer, huh?

Nice and fresh.

Come on, Buzzy.

Come on, Buzzy.

There's a good fella.

Boy, he really likes his beer, huh?

Kidding. Look at that ass. Ah.

Hey, drop the saw if you're going to need it. It's a parking pass when you

off the beer. Oh, you got it, Bob.

He's been sitting in my chair.

Nothing. You want some porridge?

What is Mimi doing here?

She's going through my garbage.

Oh, you know, pregnant women and their cravings, huh?

It's getting late. Shouldn't you go open the booth?

Oh, yeah, you're right.

Hey, Mimi, I'm going to open up the booth now. Don't forget to bring the

You don't have to bite my head off.

All right, hey, we'll see you, man.

All right, drive safe.

Hey, did you mention... That was a close

one. Hey, what's Buzzy doing in the cab? I called shotgun.

You want to put an alcoholic bear in the back with all the beer?

Thinking it through, thinking it through.

Hey, you know, before we leave, I better go get his food. Right, I'll grab the

parking pass. Okay.

Trap. He left without his parking pass.

Well, proposed beer.

Vote for Buzzbeer.

Vote for Buzzbeer.

Vote for Buzzbeer. Look at all these people. Nobody cares about your big

liver now.

Cirrhosis is a very serious problem.

Hey, can I have some nuts?

Yeah. I'll trade you a bag of nuts for a fistful of Vicodin.

But you're pregnant.

What, after the little fella rips me open like a bag of Cheetos?

I'm going to need to sleep for a couple of days.

Hey, bet you those peanuts are making me kind of thirsty, huh?

I'd just like to wash that down with the ice -cold taste of Buzz beer.

Okay.

Roll out the barrel.

We'll have a barrel of fun.

Roll out the barrel.

Hey, is this all I get?

I'm sorry, we're running low. We're expected to ship it, though, any minute.

What kind of crap is this? You fill us full of peanuts and then give us a drop

of beer?

Hey, I spilled a little more on the back of my hand. You want a taste of that?

Jeez, the people at the clan booth were nicer to me.

Comfortable beer?

Oh, that is just great.

Now they're all going over to the St. Polly girl booth.

They got beer and great dames. We got no beer and a great dame.

You stretched a little bit for that one, didn't you?

Yeah, a little bit.

Hey, how's it going?

Terrible. Oswald and Lou's aren't here with the beer yet, so we got no beer to

give to the customers. We're down to our last bottle, and there it goes.

I'll get it back.

This is strictly business, O 'Brien.

Hey, I heard Bud's beer's pretty good. How about a taste?

I'm sorry we're all out right now.

That's too bad. I own some bars in the area. I'm always looking for a new beer.

Um... I just had a buzz beer. Now, close your eyes and imagine a nice, big, cold

glass of this.

I think a mouse died inside you.

She's a lady.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. She's a lady.

Come on, come on. We need to do something quick. We're losing customers.

All right, I'll go see what's keeping Oswald and Lewis.

It's my business too now.

I'm not going to let a boob go after two pant loads.

Why don't you come?

Maybe the truck will break down and we'll need a pack animal to carry the

All right, you guys go ahead. I'll take care of the booth.

Hey, doctor.

How bad's your liver if you've been drinking three beers a day for, I don't

know, two decades?

Well, it would look something like this.

Except with more decay.

Who cares? As long as I'm pretty on the outside.

All they had to do was drive a truck full of beer three miles.

Can't wait to hear what their excuse is this time.

A little up, sir?

Yeah, I'd like to report a stolen vehicle.

Any distinguishing characteristics?

Let me see.

Oh, yeah, he's got a scar by his eyebrow, and he's a bear.

Yes, as a matter of fact, it is Louis Koniski.

Drew.

Uh, scratch the bear. I'd like to report a beating in about ten minutes.

Where the hell have you guys been?

We were supposed to meet at the festival over an hour ago.

We're dying down there. Where's the beer?

In the truck.

Where's the truck?

Around.

steal the truck, or does he somehow work for us now?

He has a name, you know, Buzzy.

What the hell is a bear driving our truck around the block for?

It's a circus bear from Drug Co. We thought if he hung out at the booth and

drank beer, it'd drive people over.

10 miles an hour with a blinker on, he drives like my dad.

How did you know this happened?

We can play the blame game if you want, Drew, but let's just say mistakes were

made.

Did you idiots at least call animal control?

They got their hands full. I hear that the hippo will block over driving an ice

cream truck.

That is a funny image. We got big problems.

The hippo ate all that ice cream.

We don't have time for this.

I'm just going to grab the keys and see if I can stop the trucks.

I figured he didn't like that.

Magnificent creature, if you think about it.

Survived in the wild for eons, and now adapted itself to drive a truck.

I guess it's another of God's miracles.

Well, turn your head if you're squeamish.

What are you, nuts?

Come on.

We've got to think of something here before the convention's over.

Uh, okay.

Bugsy was a circus bear. He must have had a trainer, right?

Yeah, his trainer was a clown, but he still lived in Russia.

So, his trainer was a clown.

Where would we find a female clown?

What are you looking at, pig?

There's no time to dance around this, Mimi. You're a clown.

I'm a beautiful, classy lady.

Would a clown wear this?

Bear seems to have cast his vote.

Well, that's really smart.

Make fun of the pregnant woman with a gun.

I am so out of here.

Steve poured on me last night.

What? It's the love oil of the forest.

Amy, it's three miles to the convention center. Get walking.

At least I wore my easy spirits.

It's like a pump. Feels like a sneaker.

Aw. It looks like the end of a Disney movie.

Long about that time, old Buzzy took a shine to Miss Mimi.

She wouldn't admit it, but I think old Miss Mimi liked him too.

Some say in Preacher Forest, if you listen real close like, you can hear him

-laughin' in the breeze.

Enjoy your buzz beer.

Enjoy your buzz beer.

Enjoy your buzz beer.

Can you make me a balloon animal?

Okay!

You know, my nephew's having a kid's birthday party this weekend.

And, I mean, you wouldn't have to blow balloon animals or anything because

clearly you're not a clown. But I thought maybe you could drop by, sing a

blow some bubbles, maybe play a little Simon Says.

I'm not a... It pays $100.

Call me a mime and we got a deal.

Well, well, well.

We're the most popular booth here at the convention.

May even win beer of the month. Now I wonder why that is.

I know. I'll bet it's the peanuts. Well, they're delicious.

No.

Could it be the amazing beer -drinking bear?

Oh, no, Oswald. The bear was our idea, and we're morons.

I mean, I'm so stupid I can't even find my mouth.

And I'm so dumb I don't know which hole the peanuts go into.

Oswald, I guess.

Oswald?

Oswald?

See, this is why I think the bear idea was a fluke.

No, Drew, I really think an attaboy is in order here.

All right, I'm sorry I said you had a stupid idea. I was wrong. It'll never

happen again.

All we wanted was an attaboy, but you couldn't do it. You just couldn't do it.

Know what, Oswald? I think this is the first idea of ours that's ever worked. I

think we should commemorate the event by Drew taking a picture of you, me.

And buzzy. Oh, I think that's a fine idea. Drew, would you do the honors?

All right.

Everybody say honey.

Honey.