All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s06e04 Mimis a Partner

Gary, I have to say, it's very unanimous
of you to invite me to your card game

after I fired you.

Oh, it's just a friendly game of poker.

Now, why don't we just open the betting?
All right, I'm in for a dollar.

All right, I'll see your dollar and
raise you... Drew's job!

You idiot.

You're supposed to wait till he's tired
and distracted by Kate's breath.

You might as well put him away.

and only wants to see him now.

I can't put him away. I taped him up
like this.

So, your little plan failed.

Well, I'm up five dollars and I'm having
the last mini baby pizza bagel.

Don't play with the devil unless you
want to get burned.

Damn this unholy marriage of Jewish and
Italian cuisines.

on snack food.

Oh, this is great. I'm going to get my
job back. I'm sick of sitting home all

day and watching game shows.

Someone come on down and kill me.

Hey.

Don't go out too late for the game.

Oh, my God. You're wearing the lard they
sucked out of Roseanne.

It's called the empathy belly, and I
wear it so I can understand what Mimi's

going through with her pregnancy.

Or just watch the animal planet.

Got milk?

Cut it out. I came to play cards.

Forget it, Mimi. The game's over.

Maybe you'll change your mind when you
see my wife.

That's money, you idiots.

Are those all 20s? Yep.

Did you really have many underwear?

No.

Then you can play.

Not wearing any underwear.

my bet.

You're down to your last three bucks.

I'll put in a twenty.

All right.

I'll put in my three dollars and raise
you my dog.

I don't take dogs.

You're out.

What do you got, shoestring?

Let's see.

Am I in or am I out?

palm in the money.

What money?

Okay,

I see your knife, and I fold.

Okay, Mimi, it's just you and me.

I see your 20, and I raise you 20.

So, princess came to play.

Well, how do you feel about raising the
table stakes?

Raise them as high as you want. It's a
friendly game.

How about 50 bucks? How about 100?

200? 300?

400? 500? 600? Let's cut the baby talk.
$5 ,000.

Really? Oh, don't worry.

We got your crazy Uncle Cecil's
inheritance money. Besides, I just want

this. I got to pee so bad, I got a
perfect storm brewing down there.

I don't know, Mimi.

That's a lot of money that I'm going to
enjoy taking from you. I'm in.

Kate, are you crazy? You can't compete
with other... So,

you got a hand that'll make a pig
wheeze.

But I don't see the five grand.

I will put up my share of Buzz beer.
That's worth at least $5 ,000.

Willing to put that in writing?

Uh -huh.

I, Kate O 'Brien, stake my share of buzz
beer to Mimi Bobak Carey.

Oh, Mimi, I don't think this is a good
idea.

Don't worry, Lady Luck's hanging out
with me tonight.

Yeah, good -looking chicks always bring
an ugly friend.

What do you got, Queen of Tarts?

Read them and weep.

Four cakes.

Oh, that's a good hand.

Almost as good as this.

Oh, a straight flush.

This is what Kate must look like during
sex.

Steve, why don't you count up the money
while I hit the can?

Do you have to hit it? Aren't you
punishing it enough?

Honey pig, first I'm at your work, then
I marry into your family, and now I'm in

your business.

Well, I believe the appropriate word
would be booyah!

Do you love your wife?

Yes, of course.

Okay, I respect that.

But an hour after your funeral, she's
dead.

I know.

Tom's Pub.

It's Patrick Cruz.

please.

And the most whipped man in America is
Steve Carey.

Neither of you losers are man enough to
wear this belly for one day.

Oh, yeah?

Bet we can wear it longer than you can.

Hurry, you're on.

All right.

But if we win, you have to name your kid
after us.

Oswald.

Oswald Lewis.

Lawswald.

You two have to legally change your
names to, uh, Boob One and Boob Two.

You can't be serious.

Stibs on Boob One.

Hey,

dude. Okay, we're all here. Let's start
the buzz beer meeting.

Mimi, what are you... You're not taking
this bet seriously.

Hey, my lawyer said it's legally
binding, so deal with it. We're

All right, you can stay.

Well, but Budweiser doesn't have the
Clydesdale sit -in at export meetings.

Let's get down to business.

Okay, Drew, Lewis and I have a brilliant
idea for a new promotion. You're gonna

love it. Okay, the floor recognizes
Oswald and Lewis, as long as it doesn't

involve UFOs or Bigfoot.

Jeez, I can't believe what you just did
to them.

Look it, they don't even believe in
themselves anymore.

And I think that's a shame, because I
think they have...

their idea.

Go ahead, son.

How about a beer bottle you can eat?

I'm recycling.

Some drug co -chemist buddies of mine
help me with the prototype, okay? We're,

you know, always doing stuff for each
other. I let them clip off three feet of

my large intestines for research. They
taught me how to mold sugar water.

Yeah, and how much does one of these
bottles cost?

$200.

What do you think, Mimi? $1 ,200 for a
six -pack? I can see the ad now.

Just the thing for the alcoholic who's a
rich dumbass.

I like your idea.

But if you'll just let me tweak it a
bit.

We sell the beer not in bottles, but in
mugs with twist -off tops.

And then each customer would get to keep
one and use it over and over again, and

it would have the Buzzbeer logo on it.

But is it edible?

All right, who votes for Lewis and
Oswald's mug idea? All in favor?

Yay!

Now let's vote for a new president.

Whoa, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Nobody's
voting on a new president. Don't you see

what she's doing?

She's just manipulating you guys so
you'll side with her.

Is that true, Mimi?

No, sweetie.

I side with Mimi. Me too.

She just tricked you.

You're too smart for this.

You're too smart, wise, handsome, and...
Oh, I can't go through with this. You

are idiots!

And you know what I'm saying? Maybe I
can translate it for you.

Is he going to translate it or not?

I couldn't help but notice we have the
same size breasts.

Yeah, and I bet we have the same size
penis, too.

but I'm up for a little missionary
impossible.

There's no way we'd go out with you
guys. You look ridiculous.

If we took these suits off, what's the
odds you'd sleep with us? A million to

one.

We're going to keep taking things off
until you say stop.

Get the first check for all the mug
sales.

Look around you, pig. The promotion's a
big hit.

Yeah, sure, but do we really want to
reno for such a shoddy product?

It's useless in a bar fight.

Will the new treasurer kindly record
this $2 ,500 check in our plus column?

It would be my pleasure.

Isn't it interesting what's happened to
Buzz Beer?

Before Mimi, miserable failure.

And after Mimi, incredible success.

What's the difference?

Me. Come on, say it. Say my name. Say it
the way your brother screamed it into

the back of my head last night.

Come on, I need something to slip my
throat with.

What the hell?

It's $2 ,000, Miss T. What are you
talking about?

Well, the numbers don't add up. There's
more in the books than there is in the

lunchbox. We're missing $2 ,000.

Well, there has to be some sort of
mistake. Let me take a look at the

I can give them to somebody who might
know what they mean. Here you go, Joe.

You know, he's right. There is $2 ,000
missing.

Missing? How about stolen?

Somebody here's a criminal.

All right.

All right. I admit it. I killed him.

He'll never catch me.

By the time the cops get here, I'll be
in Mexico.

I'm in Canada.

Tell me, I checked it three times. The
money's gone.

Hey, let's remain calm and rational and
examine the facts here, okay? We don't

need to point fingers at anyone.

Two took it.

Because he ran his crummy life into the
ground, he's got no job and a woman who

doesn't love him.

loves me. No, she loves that two grand
bulge in your pants. That's what she

loves.

I'm not a thief. I never stole anything
in my life.

Relax, Drew. I know you didn't take it.

I just accused you so I could see how
relieved a real thief would look.

Isn't that right, Mimi?

What? You heard me, and so did your
baby. If that is your baby, maybe you

it, too.

Why would I take the money? You all saw
how much cash I had at the poker game.

You know,

I've been suspiciously quiet.

Maybe I'm the brains behind the whole
operation.

Come on, we all know Drew's the one.

According to the bylaws, we can have him
kicked out for being a thief.

Don't you see what she's doing?

Mimi took the money, and now she's
trying to frame me.

Once I'm gone, she can get rid of you
two, and she'll have buzz beer all to

herself. Hey, you know what? Maybe
Drew's got a point here.

We never had money missing until Mimi
joined the company.

Sorry I turned on you, buddy. I take it
all back. Except I still don't think

Kate loves you.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. This isn't
getting us anywhere. Why don't we just

do what we did in kindergarten when
somebody stole something?

Blame the kid who didn't speak English?

Good old Sam Salon. I'll never forget
that confused look in his eye every time

they hauled him off for a beating.

No, no, no, no, no. We put the lunchbox
back into the garage, and whoever stole

the money can put the money back early
in the morning. No questions asked. We

never bring it up again.

Fine. Okay. Okay. All right.

Hey, whatever happened to Sam Salon?

From what I heard, they expelled him for
writing Oswald and Louis Rue on the

principles. Oh,

good time. Good time.

was disconnected.

Yeah, it's a little misunderstanding
between me and the phone company. They

money and I don't have any.

Inspector, look. It's tweeted between
two slices of bread.

I'm despicable.

If it'll make you feel any better, later
you can open my kitty cat.

Is there money in it?

Is everything okay?

No.

Someone stole $2 ,000 from Buzz Beer.

Oh, my God. Who do you think it was?

Well, whoever it is, they had to have
access to the money and had big money

problems of their own.

Your license went out and you're sitting
in the dark counting pennies.

Is there anything that you want to tell
me?

No.

You know, I have ways of making you
talk.

No one can resist the tickle monster.
No, no, no.

Okay, I'll take the money. I'll take the
money.

Drew, you stole from your friends?

I was just borrowing it until I got a
job.

No one checks the books but me. I was
going to put it all back for anyone

noticed. I just took a little bit here
and there. I always put an IOU in this

little cookie jar every time I do
something.

Might be close to $2 ,000.

Drew, I'm working now. I have a lot
saved up. Why don't you just come to me

the money?

No, I can't do that.

I'm the rock.

I'm the one everyone else counts on.

You guys have troubles, and I, the rock,
help solve them.

You should be wearing a superhero
costume when you say that.

Don't mock the rock!

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

All I have is these stupid pennies. I
want to put the money back, but I can't.

I guess I'll just have to tell Oswald
the noise of truth and, you know, if

never talk to me again, that's how it
goes.

I'm sorry. I feel so bad for you.

Yeah, well, time I stood up and did the
right thing.

Mr. Carey.

It's Lester, your paper boy.

Get down to the ground.

I really need to collect my money.

I know you're... not in Europe.

When are we going to stop playing this
game, Mr. Carey?

Control, just let me pay him. I told
you, the rock doesn't need your help.

I can see something moving on the floor.

Hey,

saw you

guys out here, you probably...

I think you know someone.

You know, I'm so sorry.

Oh, yeah?

I'm not as sorry as she's going to be.

Uh,

what's going on?

I set a trap for you, but I caught O
'Brien putting the money back.

Turns out she's the thief.

She's not the thief. Get her out of that
thing.

Sorry. Fly.

Where'd you get that?

Drew's brother has a certain peccadillo.

He likes to be restrained while we make
love.

I'd say he has to be.

What do you have to say for yourself, O
'Brien?

Ow!

She won't talk. Every time I take the
tape off, she just screams.

Look, I took it. She was just trying to
cover for me. I was going to put it

back. It was a horrible thing to do, and
I'm sorry.

Drew, I gotta say, that took a lot of
courage.

Yeah. Not a lot of guys would take a
fall for their girlfriend like that,

especially when he doesn't love them.

No, I'm telling you. I'm telling you the
truth. Kate, tell him.

Ow!

Drew did it. I just was putting the
money back so you wouldn't be mad at

Oh, enough of this crap. Let's wheel her
into the lake. No, no, no, no, no.

Listen, listen, listen, listen.

Uh, okay.

I give up. You're right, you're right.

Kate did it.

Okay, fine. She did it, but look at her.

Her boobs are sagging.

Alcohol has taken its toll on her looks.

How the hell are you going with this?

The point is, look how pathetic she is.

She doesn't need any more punishment.

Yeah, well, we did say if the person
returned the money, we'd forgive and

forget. Yeah. Oh,

well.

Let's go divvy up that money.

Ah, what the hell. One for the road.

Putting that money back was the sweetest
thing anybody's ever done for me. I

love you so much.

I love you so much, too.

Why don't you just unlock me now?

Because you're going to hurt me.

No, I'm not.

But I said your boobs were sagging and
your looks were fading.

And you just said it again, didn't you?

Aha! I've got you now, Mr. Carey. I want
my money.

So did the lady from the cable company.
Run, Lester, run.

More brie?

Oh, yes, I'd love some.

Magnifique.

You know, I love our quiet time before
Drew gets here.

sale at the grocery store.

Bologna logs. Oh, I can't wait to pinch
one of those.