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Blah, blah, blah.
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Blah, blah, blah.
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Blah, blah, blah.
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Blah, blah, blah.
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Blah, blah, blah.
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Blah, blah, blah.
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Blah, blah, blah.
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Blah, blah, blah.
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Blah, blah, blah.
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Blah, blah, blah.
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Blah, blah, blah.
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Blah, blah, blah.
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I was just kissing Kate and thinking
about her at the same time I'm going to
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her to marry me.
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It's such a crud.
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Hey, pig boy.
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Hey, clown face lady.
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Shut up, pig boy.
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You shut up, clown face lady. Oh, my,
must I insult you? And everyone knows I
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just want to make sweet, sweet love to
you.
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That's good, isn't it? Some funny stuff.
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I'll tell you what.
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I'll play you 20 years from now. Okay.
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What's that?
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You using your toe to blow off your head
with a shotgun.
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Well,
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we were just imitating you guys and
she... That's why I told you to never
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with a clown -faced lady.
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And you, I told you to leave my special
little men alone.
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I'm sorry.
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I feel awful.
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I'm glad you guys showed up.
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I'm dying to show this to somebody
before I give it to Kate.
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Ooh, a velvet tube. Pretty.
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Wow, that's a nice engagement ring,
Drew. Yeah, how much did it cost?
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Well, it's a once -in -a -lifetime
thing, so $6 ,000.
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Drew, you can't afford that. You've only
got $4 ,232 in your savings account.
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You know, I had to take out a loan and
take payments.
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How'd you know that?
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Oh, well, I like to hack around in the
supercomputers down at Drug Co.
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Last week I made it illegal for fat
people to vote in Alabama.
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But bald people can vote twice.
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I'm looking to start something.
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You don't know how you're going to ask
her yet? Yeah. I'm going to start an
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argument with her, flip her off, and
we'll have the diamond ring on my middle
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finger.
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Terry, I need to see you in my office
right away.
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Are you going to yell at me?
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No, Carrie, if I was going to yell at
you, my voice would be getting louder
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louder and louder. See where I'm going
with this, Carrie? Get your ass into my
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office right away!
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Do the girly walk.
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Girly walk? I must be really mad.
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Can you guys turn your head for a
second?
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Don't worry, Joe, we don't want to see
it anyway.
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Carrie!
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Wow, it's like watching The Jungle Book.
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Carrie, I just found out that someone
screwed up in the monthly budget.
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We have to cut $30 ,000 before the board
meeting.
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You have five minutes to fire someone.
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Why don't you just fire the idiot who
screwed up the budget?
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Because I'm the idiot that screwed up
the budget, and I'm not going to fire
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myself.
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Especially when I owe $10 ,000 to
Abercrombie & Fitch.
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If I just can't help myself, I love
those pants that zip off into shorts.
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Why don't you just fire somebody? You're
the one who likes firing people.
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Well, the board won't let me, because
I'm being sued.
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Apparently, it's a no -no to threaten to
fire a Native American by pushing him
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out of a window and shouting Geronimo.
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I thought they always landed on their
feet.
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That's cat, sir.
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Well, they do have some sort of special
powers, don't they?
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They can have casinos. Well, there you
are then. Now, get out there and fire
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someone. You've got five minutes.
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Excuse me, are these things fantastic?
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Well, you know, that song gives me a
hankering for a hot cup of joe.
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But first, Mimi, there's been something
I've been wanting to say to you for a
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long time, and I finally get to say it.
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There it is again. Oh, you've got to
feel this. No, no, that's okay.
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Come on. This is important to me. This
is the first time my baby's kicking, and
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I want to share this with family.
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Wow. Lucky little guy. He gets to kick
you from the inside.
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Here, take three minutes.
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Crap.
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Anderson, are you still coming in to
work late because of your drinking
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No, I... Finally took your advice, went
to AA, and turned my life around.
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Damn.
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Mr. Carey, I was wondering if I could
have two weeks off.
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Oh, you know what, Wilson?
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I figured out a way to get more than two
weeks off. Oh, that'd be great. I just
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read about this poor little Appalachian
boy who grew up chained to a radiator.
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He really needs a kidney, and mine
happens to be a perfect match.
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As a Christian, I feel I have no choice.
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Well, then you're fired.
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I'm kidding. Go give the damn hillbilly
your kidney.
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So, Kelly, who would you fire?
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What? Jackson here, the war hero in the
wheelchair. Shame on you.
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Good work.
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He depresses me.
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I didn't fire anybody, sir. No one
deserves it.
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Oh, good Lord. If you don't have the
guts to do it, then I'm going to have
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everyone do it. Everyone, gather round.
Come on.
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I trust you're all familiar with the TV
show Survivor, where they vote each
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other off the island. Well, today we're
going to play the office version.
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We're going to vote to fire... someone
right now. But you can't vote for me.
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English. I've already been voted off an
island.
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You can't toy with people's lives like
this and just fire somebody at random.
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Besides, this is all your fault. If
anybody should be fired, it should be
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Really, Gary?
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Well, why don't you sit down, put your
feet up in the desk, and put your hands
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behind your head. Just relax.
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00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:07,679
Now, as I'm sure you know, on the TV
show, they start with the physical
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challenges. I want everyone else to do
ten push -ups, and with each one, say,
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Thank you, Mr. Drew. Come along!
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Mr. Drew.
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Mr. Drew. Mr. Witt, this is ridiculous.
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One more word out of your piehole,
Kerry, and they'll do 20 push -ups.
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You heard the man. Do 20.
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Come on. Kerry says 40.
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60. I didn't say anything.
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Work it now.
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80.
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Okay, we get the message.
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Fire Drew. Fire Drew, yes. Fire Drew.
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Wait a second. I'm sorry, Kerry. The
people have spoken.
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You've been voted off the office.
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Hire me just like this?
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I'm afraid I can.
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Here's your pink slip, Gary. I'm off to
tell the board the budget is balanced.
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I've been here for 15 years. Doesn't
that count for anything?
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You'd think.
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You bunch of traitors!
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I hired half the people. I'm the only
one that cares about you here.
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00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:19,629
I always thought this moment would be
different.
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I thought there might be a string that I
could pull and then there'd be confetti
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and balloons and fireworks.
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But then I thought, nah, it should be a
button.
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00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:11,430
I remember Drew saying, I got nothing. I
got nothing. Over and over again.
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Oh, right.
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And then you said, if Drew were a dog,
you'd put him out of his misery.
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00:10:17,930 --> 00:10:24,930
Oh, my God. You killed Drew.
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What?
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No. I couldn't do something like that.
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Unless...
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I do hate that slurping sound he makes
when he drinks coffee.
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I wouldn't kill him for something like
that. No, unless he just wouldn't stop.
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Slurping, slurping like a dog in a
toilet.
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You know what?
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I'm glad I killed him.
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00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:14,560
Sure. I don't know.
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Unless I kill Kate.
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Why would you kill Kate? Because she's
in love with a guy who slurps coffee
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a dog in a toilet.
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You know what? I feel like digging her
up and killing her all over.
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You killed Kate and then ate cherry pie.
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Yes, I am.
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Yes, I am.
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Yes, I am.
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00:11:55,801 --> 00:11:59,439
Drew's listening to his self -help tapes
again. This is great. I love this.
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Hey, Drew, are you wearing women's
underwear?
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Yes, I am.
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00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,520
Are you a sissy boy who wears velvet?
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Yes, I am.
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00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:10,300
Do you eat doody?
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Yes, I am.
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00:12:12,860 --> 00:12:14,060
That didn't really work.
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00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,500
You know, this tape is great.
168
00:12:18,020 --> 00:12:19,820
You know, who needs Winford Louder?
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Getting fired isn't a setback, it's an
opportunity.
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00:12:22,671 --> 00:12:26,459
I'm going to go out there today, I'm
going to get my dream job, and I'm going
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ask Kate to marry me.
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Unless she's dead.
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00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:31,850
Hey, guys.
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00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:37,000
This pie on the shirt thing is getting
less and less interesting.
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Yeah, you're just a drunk who can't eat
pie.
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00:12:39,571 --> 00:12:45,169
We smashed last night. Lewis, are you
okay? You know, you came after me with a
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knife.
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Great.
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00:12:49,501 --> 00:12:54,429
Let me tell you guys a story I just
heard on the tape.
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There was a guy who had a diamond mine.
And every day he'd go out there digging
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for diamonds, but he wouldn't find
anything.
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00:12:59,450 --> 00:13:02,029
He kept digging and digging, never
finding anything. Finally, one day, he
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00:13:02,030 --> 00:13:05,729
quit. He gave up on his dream and sold
the diamond mine. You know what they
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found? He was only 20 feet away from
discovering acres of diamonds.
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00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:14,560
Huh. So it's a metaphor on never giving
up on your dreams.
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00:13:14,730 --> 00:13:17,980
No, you moron. It's... Oh, what do you
know? You actually got one. Hey!
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00:13:21,110 --> 00:13:24,540
Anyway, that story convinced me not to
quit just because I got fired.
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00:13:24,541 --> 00:13:27,949
I'm going to go out there today, and I'm
going to interview and get the job I've
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00:13:27,950 --> 00:13:30,689
always wanted my whole life. You know
what my dream job is?
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00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:31,850
Stud chimp at drug co.
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00:13:34,070 --> 00:13:37,020
That guy gets so much monkey butt, you
wouldn't believe it.
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00:13:37,111 --> 00:13:42,519
Well, I'm going to go interview for my
dream job today.
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00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:45,659
It's personnel director at Six Flags.
You get to fly all over the country to
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00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:48,899
the Six Flags. You get to eat cotton
candy and ride all the rides. And you
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00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:49,950
to meet Scooby -Doo.
196
00:13:49,951 --> 00:13:55,779
I'm so tired of catering. You know, I
just thought working at the Rock and
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00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:56,939
Hall of Fame would be cool.
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00:13:56,940 --> 00:13:57,699
You know what?
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00:13:57,700 --> 00:14:00,579
I think you can get that job at the Rock
and Roll Hall of Fame. As a matter of
200
00:14:00,580 --> 00:14:03,650
fact, I'll drop you off there on the way
to my interview. Great.
201
00:14:05,020 --> 00:14:07,850
Hey, uh, Oswald, I forgot to ask, what's
your dream job?
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00:14:07,950 --> 00:14:10,540
Oh, that's easy. I want to be Cindy
Crawford's couch.
203
00:14:20,470 --> 00:14:23,750
You know, if I hear of anything, I'll
let you know. Okay.
204
00:14:25,890 --> 00:14:28,810
Mr. Carey, I have to say, your resume is
impressive.
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00:14:29,170 --> 00:14:33,390
And no one has ever scored this high on
their ethics test here at Six Flags.
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00:14:33,590 --> 00:14:37,140
Well, you know, ten years as a minister,
some stuff just stays with you.
207
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,120
I think you're our man.
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00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:43,199
Really? Yes. Now, you'll be able to pick
your own company car, your own
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00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:46,199
assistant, and I'd like you to circle
which snacks you'd like on the corporate
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00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,250
jet.
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00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:50,940
Mr. Carey, are you crying?
212
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:59,539
No, it's macadamia nuts. I've only had
one. I was on a plane and it
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00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:00,980
rolled down from first class.
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00:15:02,380 --> 00:15:07,039
Before you get too excited, I should
tell you, your office shares a lobby
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00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,390
our sister company, the Ford Modeling
Agency.
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00:15:09,391 --> 00:15:13,279
Yeah, sometimes you'll come back from
lunch and you'll find a supermodel on
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00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,360
couch taking a nap.
218
00:15:14,361 --> 00:15:18,939
Yeah, sometimes they're pretty jet
-lagged when they fly in from Supermodel
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Island.
220
00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:21,030
Supermodel Island?
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00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:22,160
I knew it!
222
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,100
The island was a joke, Mr. Carey.
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00:15:25,780 --> 00:15:26,830
Not to me.
224
00:15:27,580 --> 00:15:28,630
Not today.
225
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:34,290
Why don't you come in tomorrow and we'll
discuss your six -figure salary. Great.
226
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,120
See you tomorrow. Thank you very much.
227
00:15:36,620 --> 00:15:39,580
I just have to make one phone call to
check your references.
228
00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:42,130
It's just a formality, really. I
understand.
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00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,250
See you tomorrow.
230
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,240
Winford Lauder, Mimi Bobet speaking.
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00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:52,940
Yes, hello. I'm calling for a reference
on Drew Carey.
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00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:55,120
Drew Carey's out of prison?
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00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:00,760
She'll get hired anywhere.
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00:16:00,761 --> 00:16:03,479
Every job I try to get today, Mimi gives
me a bad recommendation.
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00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:06,239
I called her to get her to stop. You
know what she said? She said, talk to my
236
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,790
assistant. Who's her assistant? Her
butt. She ripped one into the phone.
237
00:16:09,791 --> 00:16:15,199
Dude, cheer up. Hey, if things go like I
planned, you can always go to Alabama
238
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,670
and be a soldier of fortune in the Fatty
Baldy War.
239
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:20,680
Nah, I don't want to move.
240
00:16:20,681 --> 00:16:24,169
I might have to if I can't make the
payments on this ring.
241
00:16:24,170 --> 00:16:27,469
Oh, that's right, the ring. You can't
afford that now. What are you going to
242
00:16:27,470 --> 00:16:29,769
I tried to return it, but the guy just
laughed at me. He wouldn't even let me
243
00:16:29,770 --> 00:16:32,069
in. So you're not going to ask Kate to
marry you?
244
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:33,810
How can I when I can't even get a job?
245
00:16:33,811 --> 00:16:36,709
All Kate needs to see is me drinking a
beer every morning watching Sesame
246
00:16:36,710 --> 00:16:40,570
Street. Looking like a drunk guy in his
underwear singing about the letter E.
247
00:16:42,730 --> 00:16:43,810
All right, go ahead.
248
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,630
Elegant elephants everywhere.
249
00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:48,200
That's enough.
250
00:16:48,230 --> 00:16:49,330
Enjoy eating eggs.
251
00:16:49,331 --> 00:16:56,079
I got it. I got the job at the Rock and
Roll Hall of Fame. Well, that's great.
252
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:57,140
You can do it.
253
00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:01,060
Thanks. I'm a celebrity liaison. My
whole job is to hang out with rock
254
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:05,050
It's like hanging out with you guys,
except glamorous and interesting.
255
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,690
How'd you do it? Did you get the job at
Six Flags? No.
256
00:17:09,691 --> 00:17:12,618
Me and you keep screwing me on my
references. I can't get a job anywhere.
257
00:17:12,619 --> 00:17:15,818
You know what? I'm making some money
now. I can carry you for a while. No,
258
00:17:15,819 --> 00:17:16,799
got to work.
259
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,239
I'd sing Hash in my old high school if I
had to, but I know it's not going to
260
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:20,139
come to that.
261
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:22,480
I'm only 20 feet away from my dream job.
262
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:24,290
Yes, I am.
263
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,330
Yes, I am.
264
00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:29,700
Yes, I am.
265
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,150
Are you telling me that I can't have
another fish stick?
266
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,350
Yes, I am.
267
00:17:35,540 --> 00:17:39,419
Come on, four eyes, give me another fish
stick. No, you dropped it. That was
268
00:17:39,420 --> 00:17:40,470
your fish stick.
269
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:42,970
Perhaps next time you won't horse around
with it.
270
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,960
Don't let him bother you. He's just a
loser.
271
00:17:48,260 --> 00:17:52,310
Thank you. Can I? ask you something? I
have this bet with my girlfriend.
272
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:55,050
Your name's Drew, right?
273
00:17:55,370 --> 00:17:56,420
Yeah.
274
00:17:56,750 --> 00:17:58,230
Are you a boy or a girl?
275
00:18:02,930 --> 00:18:04,750
Your name's Jennifer, right?
276
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:08,629
You think you're so hot now, date the
quarterback and everything? Well, let me
277
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:09,680
give you the 411.
278
00:18:12,010 --> 00:18:14,010
Brad wasn't really skiing last weekend.
279
00:18:14,330 --> 00:18:18,060
He was over at Stacy Lemming's house.
Because you know that thing you won't
280
00:18:18,620 --> 00:18:20,120
She so did it.
281
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,480
I hate these braces.
282
00:18:31,001 --> 00:18:33,639
How's it going, lunch man?
283
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:36,170
Well, the pace sucks, but I made a
cheerleader cry.
284
00:18:36,171 --> 00:18:38,139
What are you doing here?
285
00:18:38,140 --> 00:18:40,879
Oh, I thought I'd have a lunch with my
boyfriend and look around a little. Let
286
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,199
me tell you, Kate O 'Brien has not been
forgotten.
287
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,750
That picture of me with my legs in the
air in the boys' room? Still there.
288
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:49,610
Are you Drew?
289
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,100
Yeah, I'm Brad.
290
00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:54,970
I was juggling two of the finest
hoochies in this school until you showed
291
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:03,330
You look familiar.
292
00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:12,310
You know, there was a point in my life
where I thought I'd be an astronaut.
293
00:19:15,180 --> 00:19:18,500
It doesn't matter what you do. I love
you and I always will.
294
00:19:21,820 --> 00:19:23,020
Kate, will you marry me?
295
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,170
What?
296
00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:29,350
This isn't really the way I wanted to do
it, but I just can't wait anymore.
297
00:19:30,740 --> 00:19:31,790
Kate.
298
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:37,310
Don't marry me for how much I love you
today.
299
00:19:37,311 --> 00:19:41,299
Marry me for how much I'm going to love
you for the rest of your life.
300
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:43,320
You stole that from Dawson's Creek.
301
00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:56,860
So what do you say, Kate?
302
00:19:58,060 --> 00:19:59,140
Drew, it's beautiful.
303
00:19:59,220 --> 00:20:00,820
Of course I'll marry you. Oh.
304
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:11,390
We are going to be so happy. I'm going
to give you the best of everything.
305
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:12,510
Here.
306
00:20:14,060 --> 00:20:15,320
Put this under your shirt.
307
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:21,450
What is it? Sex for sloppy Joe, mate.
They search me when I leave the place.
308
00:20:24,740 --> 00:20:27,360
Wow. This is going to be the greatest
vacation ever.
309
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,210
Hi, I'm Jared.
310
00:20:31,780 --> 00:20:32,830
Welcome.
311
00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:34,230
Hey.
312
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:36,540
So, uh, where's all the women?
313
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,350
What women?
314
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:41,850
Oh, no.
315
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,880
I'm on male supermodel island.
316
00:20:45,780 --> 00:20:48,430
Would you like me to rub a little lotion
on your back?
317
00:20:48,431 --> 00:20:50,529
Yeah, well, I do burn.
318
00:20:50,530 --> 00:20:55,080
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