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1
00:00:00,110 --> 00:00:01,810
Okay, Mimi, send it over. Okay.
2
00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:03,220
What's going on?
3
00:00:03,221 --> 00:00:06,749
Mimi and I are learning how to send
family pictures to everyone using email.
4
00:00:06,750 --> 00:00:10,710
What the hell is that?
5
00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:12,530
Oh, that's our little zygote.
6
00:00:12,850 --> 00:00:16,220
See, the fertility clinic used my sperm
and fertilized Mimi's egg.
7
00:00:16,510 --> 00:00:18,490
And then how Jurassic Park got started?
8
00:00:18,491 --> 00:00:23,029
Well, right now, the little tyke is
chilling in the freezer, but in two
9
00:00:23,030 --> 00:00:25,389
someone's going to implant the zygote
into Mimi.
10
00:00:25,390 --> 00:00:28,220
And we have a winner for the worst job
in America contest.
11
00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:40,300
Try to grow your eyes last, little
buddy.
12
00:00:41,670 --> 00:00:46,309
Well, I gotta go to work. Now, you take
it easy, Mimi, because you've got an
13
00:00:46,310 --> 00:00:51,630
operation coming up, and then, in nine
months, you'll be having my baby.
14
00:00:52,390 --> 00:00:55,850
What a lovely way to say how much you
love me.
15
00:00:56,730 --> 00:00:57,990
Having my baby.
16
00:00:59,430 --> 00:01:02,980
He's just happy because he got to make
love to a paper cup instead of you.
17
00:01:04,790 --> 00:01:09,289
At least my man doesn't have a...
brained wiener that makes him cry like a
18
00:01:09,290 --> 00:01:10,610
every time he gets excited.
19
00:01:12,310 --> 00:01:14,070
Oh, my God.
20
00:01:14,930 --> 00:01:18,490
The new store mannequins I ordered are
beautiful.
21
00:01:19,790 --> 00:01:20,890
Hello, darling.
22
00:01:22,590 --> 00:01:24,690
Sir, we have the entire building.
23
00:01:25,410 --> 00:01:32,269
Why are my ladies all bundled up like
this? I didn't pay $10 ,000
24
00:01:32,270 --> 00:01:35,770
to hide their beautiful mock flesh.
25
00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:37,320
$10 ,000?
26
00:01:37,670 --> 00:01:39,290
Sir, the store can't afford that.
27
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,910
How dare you question my authority?
28
00:02:08,330 --> 00:02:11,100
Bet it's not the saddest dune you've
ever been a part of.
29
00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:19,210
Hey, you look a little like Kate.
30
00:02:20,710 --> 00:02:24,830
Kate has one of these things, too,
except this one's kind of silky to the
31
00:03:11,180 --> 00:03:12,230
God's love.
32
00:03:43,541 --> 00:03:45,309
get all the toys.
33
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:49,669
Oh, well, ever since I talked to Kate,
I've had this whole pen of energy, so I
34
00:03:49,670 --> 00:03:51,749
thought I'd clean out the basement. I'm
thinking of having an art sale.
35
00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:54,820
It's just really, really important that
I keep my hands busy.
36
00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:58,050
Hey, our old walkie -talkies.
37
00:03:58,051 --> 00:04:01,069
You remember when we put one of these
under Drew's parents' bed?
38
00:04:01,070 --> 00:04:02,810
Remember when we heard Drew's dad?
39
00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:05,530
Don't get fancy with me, Bueller. Just
take me home.
40
00:04:08,150 --> 00:04:09,200
Stop it.
41
00:04:09,201 --> 00:04:11,409
Hey, who's up for a game of Gnip -Gnop?
42
00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:14,950
Actually... You guys got to go. I paged
Kate. She's on her way over.
43
00:04:15,190 --> 00:04:16,240
So?
44
00:04:17,209 --> 00:04:22,730
Well, it's kind of embarrassing, but...
Well, I got an erection at work today.
45
00:04:22,910 --> 00:04:23,960
Hey!
46
00:04:24,710 --> 00:04:26,670
Hey, hey. I did, too.
47
00:04:26,890 --> 00:04:27,940
No kidding.
48
00:04:27,941 --> 00:04:33,409
I remember I delivered this package to
this lady. She comes to the door. She's
49
00:04:33,410 --> 00:04:34,460
just wearing a robe.
50
00:04:34,950 --> 00:04:36,000
Breeze comes in.
51
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,590
Opens up the robe. Get to the point.
52
00:04:38,910 --> 00:04:40,410
She had an erection.
53
00:04:41,371 --> 00:04:48,379
kids party I'm catering. Hey, why don't
you guys go outside and play with the
54
00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:49,019
lawn darts?
55
00:04:49,020 --> 00:04:50,070
All right.
56
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:52,950
Hey, Drew, I had the damn government
bandies anyway.
57
00:04:52,951 --> 00:04:54,919
Yeah, what was that all about? I don't
know.
58
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,120
Hey, give me one of those.
59
00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,360
What are you doing, sonny?
60
00:05:00,361 --> 00:05:01,599
I'm healed.
61
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:02,760
I'm okay down there.
62
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,820
That's so great. We've waited so long.
63
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:09,690
Yeah, let's go upstairs and get those
big shoes up in the air. What do you
64
00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:13,889
rush anything.
65
00:05:13,890 --> 00:05:17,189
Let's wait till tomorrow night and make
it really special, okay?
66
00:05:17,190 --> 00:05:20,730
We'll have the whole evening to
ourselves. We want to go to work the
67
00:05:21,430 --> 00:05:23,050
Trust me, it'll be worth the wait.
68
00:05:24,630 --> 00:05:28,110
Okay. All right. Hey, uh, will you wear
the big shoes?
69
00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:29,380
Yes.
70
00:05:29,381 --> 00:05:33,069
All right. If I could have your
attention, please, I'd like to welcome
71
00:05:33,070 --> 00:05:35,569
to the first meeting of the Been Dumped
by Kate Club.
72
00:05:35,570 --> 00:05:36,630
It's her loss!
73
00:05:37,390 --> 00:05:38,440
Well,
74
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,890
I'm glad to finally meet you guys face
to face.
75
00:05:41,891 --> 00:05:44,659
You know, I don't think I could have
gotten through my breakup if I hadn't
76
00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:48,019
able to chat with you guys online. Thank
God I stumbled on Jay's website.
77
00:05:48,020 --> 00:05:51,840
Hey, if I can help just one guy with
coldheartlessbitch .com, I've done my
78
00:05:53,740 --> 00:05:56,560
So, anyone want to take the floor and
trash Kate?
79
00:05:56,820 --> 00:06:02,439
You know, I was just thinking back to my
short but passionate relationship with
80
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:06,840
Kate. I loved that thing she used to do
during sex.
81
00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:08,670
What was it again?
82
00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:15,230
If you really slept with Kate, where's
the mole below her waist?
83
00:06:15,231 --> 00:06:19,419
Well, quite frankly, when I'm having sex
with Kate, I'm not looking for moles.
84
00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:22,560
I'm looking for that look of ecstasy on
her face.
85
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:25,490
Now, what was it like again? Somebody
show me. Come on.
86
00:06:25,491 --> 00:06:28,739
Fine, fine, fine. You all think you're
better than me because you've had sex
87
00:06:28,740 --> 00:06:30,850
with Kate and you've formed a little
club.
88
00:06:33,140 --> 00:06:35,670
I don't want you anyway. You're riddled
with moles.
89
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:48,780
It's party. It ended at 7.
90
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,060
Jay? Randy?
91
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,080
What are you guys doing here?
92
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:54,450
Who are you?
93
00:06:54,620 --> 00:06:56,240
Oh my God, you don't remember me?
94
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:57,640
Spring break, 1982?
95
00:06:57,641 --> 00:07:01,779
You went on a trip to Hawaii. You came
into my surf shop and I closed it for
96
00:07:01,780 --> 00:07:02,830
whole day.
97
00:07:04,740 --> 00:07:05,790
Wait.
98
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:07,810
Which shop?
99
00:07:11,420 --> 00:07:17,099
I don't believe this. You guys sit
around and... and drink and say horrible
100
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:18,150
things about me?
101
00:07:21,380 --> 00:07:22,760
I'm not that horrible.
102
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,400
You left me at the altar.
103
00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:25,910
Okay, there's that.
104
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,610
You left me the night before my
battalion shipped out for the Gulf War.
105
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,520
Well, welcome home.
106
00:07:36,380 --> 00:07:38,840
Did I hurt all of you guys this much?
107
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:40,370
Yeah.
108
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,760
I had no idea.
109
00:07:44,170 --> 00:07:45,650
I owe each of you an apology.
110
00:07:46,070 --> 00:07:47,590
I am so sorry.
111
00:07:48,430 --> 00:07:51,190
Well, all I really wanted was an
apology.
112
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:54,050
So I guess I can get on with my life.
113
00:08:00,390 --> 00:08:04,109
I just realized that none of my
relationships have ended well. You're
114
00:08:04,110 --> 00:08:07,249
me. We would have let in the one
-nighters, but we couldn't afford to
115
00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:08,300
hall.
116
00:08:10,930 --> 00:08:13,100
Does Drew know about this club? No, not
yet.
117
00:08:13,270 --> 00:08:14,830
What is that? supposed to mean?
118
00:08:14,831 --> 00:08:18,489
Well, I'm sorry, Kate. Hey, no one wants
you and Drew to stay together more than
119
00:08:18,490 --> 00:08:21,669
me, but at some point you have to admit,
I mean, these guys were great and they
120
00:08:21,670 --> 00:08:22,870
were all in love with you.
121
00:08:23,130 --> 00:08:27,610
You gotta see that, you know, maybe the
problem isn't us, it's... Me?
122
00:08:28,350 --> 00:08:29,670
That's what I was thinking.
123
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:35,909
Oh, God, if I hurt all of you guys this
much, that means I can hurt Drew.
124
00:08:36,431 --> 00:08:39,009
Oh, my God, tomorrow night.
125
00:08:39,010 --> 00:08:41,780
What? Tomorrow night's supposed to be
our first night.
126
00:08:42,380 --> 00:08:44,860
I can't... I can't do it. I can't sleep
with Drew.
127
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:50,960
Hi. Welcome to Playboy's Sexual Secrets.
128
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:55,340
Tape number nine. Sex for seniors.
129
00:08:57,420 --> 00:08:58,680
Oh, crap.
130
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,220
The wrong tapes.
131
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:05,040
Get ready for some fun sex positions
that won't break your hip.
132
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,680
I wanted to watch...
133
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:17,899
Just wanted to say I'm really looking
forward to tonight. It's going to be
134
00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:19,620
great. Only an hour to go.
135
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,130
Love you.
136
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:23,880
Okay. Hanging up now.
137
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:25,490
Bye.
138
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,440
Ooh. So you got a big date with O
'Brien, huh?
139
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:34,690
Well, I hope you at least buy her dinner
before you Clinton all over her dress.
140
00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:41,010
Mimi, there is nothing you can say to me
that will upset me today.
141
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,500
Sounds like a chap.
142
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:51,539
I'll tell you what the real challenge
is. O 'Brien trying to fake an orgasm
143
00:09:51,540 --> 00:09:53,400
during your ten -second love -a -thon.
144
00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:56,710
Yeah, what is it?
145
00:09:57,740 --> 00:09:58,880
Oh, God. No.
146
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:01,330
What do I do?
147
00:10:02,900 --> 00:10:04,160
Okay. Okay.
148
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,900
Hey, buddy, I need a huge favor.
149
00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:12,540
Oh, no. Is everything okay?
150
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:19,369
your thing? Why don't you get your coat
and I'll go warm up the screw you
151
00:10:19,370 --> 00:10:20,420
mobile.
152
00:10:22,550 --> 00:10:24,890
That was the fertility clinic calling.
153
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:28,769
Electricity's down in the freezers out.
My little zygote only has one hour to be
154
00:10:28,770 --> 00:10:32,469
implanted. What does the Lord have to
strike you dead? He doesn't want another
155
00:10:32,470 --> 00:10:33,520
one of you.
156
00:10:33,521 --> 00:10:38,629
Someone's got to take me down there.
This is a real operation. So someone's
157
00:10:38,630 --> 00:10:39,680
to bring me home.
158
00:10:50,261 --> 00:10:53,039
All right, I'll do it for Steve.
159
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,359
Let me tell you one thing. I don't care
how much help that farmer needs, I'm not
160
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:56,740
going to hold your hind legs.
161
00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:02,920
Slow down, pig.
162
00:11:02,921 --> 00:11:06,699
No. I'm taking you to the clinic, I'm
dropping you off, and that's it. You get
163
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:07,579
to get a cab home.
164
00:11:07,580 --> 00:11:09,799
There's no way I'm going to be late for
cake tonight.
165
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:13,139
Besides, the last thing I need to see
before my big date is you on the
166
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:14,220
end of a turkey baster.
167
00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:17,840
I can't believe Steve's in Toledo.
168
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:19,980
Damn porcelain doll convention.
169
00:11:31,980 --> 00:11:33,420
when I was a roadie for Foghat.
170
00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:39,150
Oh, I wish I was that dead cat in the
middle of the road.
171
00:11:41,140 --> 00:11:43,730
I don't think I can take that
disappointment again.
172
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:45,370
Turn left here.
173
00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:47,540
Let's see the clinics to the right.
174
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:48,790
No, we ain't going.
175
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:49,779
It's hopeless.
176
00:11:49,780 --> 00:11:53,150
Liv, you're right. Maybe I'm not
supposed to have a baby. Just take me
177
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:57,260
Mimi, don't be getting all human on me
now.
178
00:12:01,290 --> 00:12:03,030
Well, you never know unless you try.
179
00:12:03,031 --> 00:12:06,329
How are you going to feel used to now
when you realize you came this far and
180
00:12:06,330 --> 00:12:07,380
then you gave up?
181
00:12:08,130 --> 00:12:09,180
I'm scared.
182
00:12:10,450 --> 00:12:14,070
Look, I'm sure you're going to be a
fierce, protective mother.
183
00:12:16,830 --> 00:12:18,910
The most any child can ask for.
184
00:12:20,010 --> 00:12:21,090
You really mean that?
185
00:12:21,510 --> 00:12:22,560
Yeah.
186
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:25,920
Besides, you don't want your species
dying out with you.
187
00:12:27,930 --> 00:12:30,070
Turn this car around. I'm having a baby.
188
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:46,750
Bet you fiddle of gold against your soul
because I think I'm better than you.
189
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,170
Say nothing of this.
190
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:52,680
Hey, where's Kate?
191
00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:55,650
She's not here yet. Oh, good. We're both
running late.
192
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:57,920
What are you doing here?
193
00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:01,150
Oh, I brought you over some cologne
we're developing at Drug Co.
194
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:02,980
We'll make Kate crazy for you.
195
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,400
Oh, it smells great. Yeah.
196
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:07,720
Oh, gee. Thanks, Lewis. Oh, no problem.
197
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:09,640
I'm sure you won't be in the 3%.
198
00:13:19,180 --> 00:13:23,090
Three percent of the monkeys in the test
group tried to eat their own genitals.
199
00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:28,840
Any negative side effects?
200
00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:34,480
Hello? Drew?
201
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,839
It's me. Before you say anything, I just
need to tell you, I just need some time
202
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:42,599
alone to think about things, so I can't
come over tonight, and I'm really sorry.
203
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:43,650
Bye.
204
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,250
Kate, wait.
205
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:46,610
What's wrong?
206
00:13:48,590 --> 00:13:50,150
Kate says she's not coming over.
207
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:51,990
I don't get it.
208
00:13:52,810 --> 00:13:53,860
What'd she say?
209
00:13:54,450 --> 00:13:57,170
Said she needs time to think about us.
210
00:13:58,570 --> 00:13:59,620
Oh.
211
00:14:01,230 --> 00:14:02,690
I understand.
212
00:14:03,790 --> 00:14:07,350
She just doesn't want to sleep with me.
213
00:14:07,990 --> 00:14:11,910
Come on. You don't know that. Maybe she
sprained her thing.
214
00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:15,650
No, no. She...
215
00:14:17,450 --> 00:14:18,650
She just doesn't love me.
216
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:20,300
I'm sorry, man.
217
00:14:21,130 --> 00:14:23,660
I'm sure there's something I can do to
cheer you up.
218
00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:28,080
Hey, Drew.
219
00:14:28,930 --> 00:14:31,100
There may not be love in this house
tonight.
220
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:32,490
There may not be sex.
221
00:14:33,110 --> 00:14:36,150
But by God, there's going to be turkey
in the straw.
222
00:15:23,891 --> 00:15:25,899
I didn't sleep.
223
00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:28,970
I was really scared about something, and
I have to talk to you.
224
00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:30,190
Okay.
225
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,370
Don't be scared. Here.
226
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:33,700
Climb into bed. I'll talk it out.
227
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,280
I don't even know where to start.
228
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,340
I'm so sorry I stood you up.
229
00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:41,720
But I just found out there's an actual
club of my ex -boyfriends.
230
00:15:41,721 --> 00:15:45,299
I've hurt everybody that I've been in a
relationship with.
231
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:48,780
Oh, Kate, they just weren't the right
guys. It's not your fault.
232
00:15:49,020 --> 00:15:50,080
Yes, it was.
233
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,220
You didn't see their faces. I really
hurt them.
234
00:15:53,740 --> 00:15:54,880
I don't want to hurt you.
235
00:15:55,380 --> 00:15:58,100
I love you. I'm willing to take that
chance.
236
00:15:58,900 --> 00:15:59,960
I love you too.
237
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,020
But I've been in love before and I
screwed it up.
238
00:16:03,021 --> 00:16:05,599
I mean, how do I know it's going to work
this time?
239
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,580
How do we know this is the real thing?
240
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,450
We're in love.
241
00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:12,100
Do you want me to spell it out for you?
242
00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:19,160
L is for the way you look at me.
243
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,480
O is for...
244
00:16:23,991 --> 00:16:25,959
I see.
245
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:31,340
V is very, very extraordinary.
246
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:38,480
E is even more than anyone that you
adore.
247
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:44,240
And love is all that I can give to you.
248
00:16:44,740 --> 00:16:50,420
Love is more than just a game for two.
249
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,240
Made for me and you
250
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:22,520
Made for me and you
251
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,550
I've never spent two days in bed with
anyone before.
252
00:19:24,860 --> 00:19:28,480
Three times in 48 hours.
253
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,760
Sexual peak at 18, my ass.
254
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,100
This is the most perfect moment of my
life.
255
00:20:02,670 --> 00:20:04,720
bad things didn't work out at the
clinic.
256
00:20:04,721 --> 00:20:09,289
Drew, she just said she was pranked.
Nope, didn't happen. She's not having a
257
00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:10,340
care of child.
258
00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:15,789
Drew, she just said... Hey, I played
along with your fantasy, play along with
259
00:20:15,790 --> 00:20:16,840
mine.
260
00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:21,170
Drew left out one of his Playboy tapes.
261
00:20:21,890 --> 00:20:22,940
Let's be naughty.
262
00:20:34,151 --> 00:20:38,849
and have sex, you see? It makes it all
legitimate.
263
00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:43,400
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