Original subtitles

Look at this one, honey.

This trailer, it's got two bedrooms, a full bath, and a breakfast nook. I want

to rent this one.

Pretty big trailer. You sure Mimi can pull it?

Well, maybe you could give me some tips because you haul your ass out of bed

every morning.

Well, I'm going to be really glad when we're on vacation and Mimi and I are

miles away and you won't be able to snipe at each other.

So where are you guys going?

Well, I always wanted to take a pilgrimage to Dollywood.

I hear if you can prove your sister's your wife, you're getting free.

Well, we better shake our tail feathers. We want to rent this trailer before

somebody else does. Bye.

Bye.

Man, hitting the open road.

No schedules, no responsibilities.

You know, sometimes I fantasize about that when I'm napping under my truck in

the middle of the workday.

Well, I gotta start my shift now.

Well, in that case, I'd like to order something to go.

An extra long kiss.

How about a side of ass grab on the house?

Looks like things are heating up with Leslie.

Could it be time to put another notch in the bedpost?

Yeah, it'd be nice to have something to match the other one.

Hey, hey, hey.

A gentleman does not discuss intimate details.

Time to take the pill that numbs my genitals so I can last longer.

Why would you want to do that? Every woman I've been with wants it to go

That's a drug co -experiment I begged my way into. You know, it's kind of been a

while for me.

I mean, I've been practicing, but it's different when you're up against another

team.

Hey, you know, Drew, I can get you some of these.

Oh.

We don't need any sex pills because Kate and I aren't having sex. We're taking

it slow.

And? And it's a mutual decision.

Well,

here's to finally having a sex life.

Again.

Just like riding a bike, right?

Oh, shit.

You know, for the first couple of times, you might want to have your dad hold

onto you so you don't fall off.

Back where it comes from.

It's such a crude.

It could become your clean and your sty.

You know, if you win the blue ribbon, they'll eat you.

I'm just taking Mr.

Szilard's memo to heart and making my workplace presentable and professional.

You know, you could do the same if you wore a business suit.

Pulled it over your head.

Good morning, Carrie.

Every morning's a good morning when you're running the store, sir.

Carrie, when you grovel so obviously, it offends a man of Mr. Szilard's. sounds

extraordinary and superlative character.

You know, Carrie, your challenge today is find a spot on my ass that Mr. Wick

hasn't already kissed.

Good luck trying.

Carrie, I must say, your desk is spotless. Love it. Everyone get around.

look at this.

Now, this is a perfect example of a workstation. There are no personal

no photos of loved ones, no signs of outside life whatsoever.

In fact, if you died, we could bring another man in here. You wouldn't even

that Carrie existed.

Not to frighten you, sir, but I intend to take enough people with me to be

remembered.

The reason I sing it off this desk is that when clients come into the floor, I

want them to know the atmosphere here is business.

Oops.

Got to take my folic acid. Trying to get preggers. Getting the ground ready for

planting.

Then you get the memo, no personal effects on your desk.

Everything that's on this desk is about business.

This troll takes my messages, and this one holds my pencil, and this big one

supervises the other two.

Whatever. You know what? All this stuff has got to go.

And you need to start dressing like you work in an office.

The way I dress and what I have on my desk makes me happy.

And when I'm happy, the work gets done.

You know what would make me happy? That if the desk in front of the manager's

office didn't look like the gateway to Santa's village.

You can send all the damn memos you want. I'm not changing nothing.

I'm going to tell you this once.

Change the clothes, change the desk, or you'll be changing jobs.

Sir, in the words of Olivia Newton -John, I love you. I honestly love you.

out my wrongful termination suit, fired for personal appearance.

I could win this one with a lawyer from the mall.

Sir, the words of Abba, take a chance, take a chance, take a chance, take a

chance.

Mimi, if you cross me on this, I will become your worst nightmare.

Unless you dream about yourself.

and make one knock -knock joke last an hour.

What's the deal with this?

Oh, congratulations. They finally got you an office.

It's just a trick to hide me.

No, no, it is technically an office. It's all perfectly legal. You still get

wear what you want and display your trolls and other sad little nicky -nacky

things.

Well, then I guess I won.

Well, we all did.

on Man O' War to win.

What kind of world is it where beautiful women are caged and pigs are allowed to

run free?

Jeez!

Can't even breathe in there.

Well, maybe we should drop in some hay. It'll bring back fond memories of when

you came out of your mom and learned how to walk.

Not the way I see it. I think you back down if you're afraid of being fired.

I didn't back down.

You let them put you in a little box where nobody's going to notice you

People always notice me. I'm a head turner.

If I was you, I wouldn't put so much effort into your clothes from now on.

Hey, I don't spend my weekends digging through the rhinestone barrel at the

barn not to get noticed.

Hey, you don't have to tell me, but I think it's time you holstered up the

dazzler. Right.

Mimi, your phone is ringing.

I don't care. I'm not going in there.

Actually, Grandmama's in hospital. If something's happened, it would be nice

know.

Your job is to answer the phone, so please answer the phone. No.

Then you're not doing your job, and you're fired.

What?

Well, I suppose if Nana's died, they'll call back.

And if you'd absorbed anything in that time, it would have been that I'm a bad

person. Bye -bye.

Look, I know this is a bad time for you, so I'm not going to gloat. I'll just

get your severance package.

I can't believe we got kicked out of Medieval Times.

I can't believe we were banished for a whole fortnight.

Yeah, I didn't know this T -shirt was going to spook the horses.

Well, I've got to hit the ladies' room.

But after that, we're going home. And I'm not going to be such a lady.

Okay.

I can't wait, baby.

I can't go through this again tonight.

What's the matter, buddy? Numbing pills aren't working?

They're working too well.

It was great for the first hour. The second hour was all right, but by the

hour, it wasn't even sex anymore. It was just push -ups.

Three hours?

What, no foreplay?

So... In the interest of science, how long did this go on for?

Until I got a cramp in my butt and she thought I had an orgasm.

Hope you're ready for the Guinness Book of Records tonight.

Oh, hey, something to read.

Hey, so who wants a beer?

I do.

Hey, Drew, what's Viva doing in your backyard?

Thought I'd tie those garbage bags up.

You've got more crap than I do.

Steve, what the heck are you doing?

If he can wear that shirt, I'm going to have that toilet paper made with his

face on it.

Since Mimi lost her job and I haven't been able to find any work, we decided

give up our apartment and buy this trailer instead of renting it.

And you just park it in my backyard without even asking me? No, I'm just

up some stuff from your garage that I left there. Don't worry, Pig. We're

leaving tomorrow.

We're not just visiting Dollywood. We're moving there and we're getting jobs.

Mimi's leaving Cleveland for good? Mm -hmm.

There's so much stuff in the garage, this is going to take all night.

Uh, Kate Oswald, come on, there's a box there to move themselves. Come on, let's

go, go, go.

Give me the keys to your truck and I'll hook your trailer.

Why, what are you going to do? I'll fill it up with gas and get the oil changed.

Then I'm going to go down the street and I'm going to punch that atheist in the

nose. Tell me there's not a God.

Hello? Hello?

Yeah, it seems he left the key in it while he was filling it up. Now, my

is he went inside to get the giant pretzel.

What are you doing standing here? Go look for our truck.

Well, we already found it, ma 'am. You see, we were in the area, so we were

to give pursuit until the suspect jumped out of the vehicle.

Where's our truck?

Well, it exploded when we shot at it. It's quite a fireball.

Just as long as you're all right, honey.

Thank you. Thank you very much, officer.

it worth it was your salty treat worth my truck i'm sorry steve

i'll pay the deductible i'll get you another truck and get you on your way

that's the main thing important thing is get you on your way i really want to

get on your way well maybe what you should have done is wait till you get

where you have some pretzels you're not hot i

don't believe this no it's true they keep the pretzels warm in this rotating

heater

We will get a new truck with insurance money. No, we won't, because I let it

lapse two months ago.

Hey!

What do you mean you let it lapse?

I don't want to talk about it now. Let's discuss it at home.

All right, we're home!

Oh, my God, they're home.

We hooked up the trailer to your plumbing. Mimi's a bear without her hot

in the morning.

Can't you just roll around in the snow till her fur's clean?

Oh, I'm sorry, Drew. I thought since you got a truck stolen and ruined our

lives, it'd be okay to borrow a little water.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't sleep well last night. The rocking trailer kept me up

all night.

And then the screaming started.

What was that? That was me when I realized what was going on in the

Why is it so cold in here? We had to prop open a window to get some power

out there.

What have you done to my backyard?

Look at this.

All I need is a three -legged dog back here and I'm officially white trash.

I thought you were going to live in the trailer.

What's all your junk doing in my backyard?

Well, it's not your backyard anymore. It's my front yard.

Oh, well, you know, don't get used to it. It's only temporary. You know, they

don't call it a mobile home for nothing.

Why not? They call you a man for nothing.

And look, until you buy us a new truck, we're stuck here. And if you don't mind,

I have some laundry to hang. And up next are my dainties.

And never up again is my penis.

Steve, tomorrow, take it to the store and I'm getting you a job. Doing what?

A new position just opened. Vice President, I'm getting your trailer the

out of my yard.

Calm down, bro. That's not you talking.

It's your blood sugar. That's why I made us some eggs.

Come and get it. The eggs are ready.

Should we make breakfast, too? No.

We're trying to have a kid. She's ovulating.

Thank you for a lovely day. Can I get you a cup of coffee or something before

go? We discussed this. I get you the coffee, sir.

Now, you put that coat on. It's cold outside.

Yes, Mommy. I mean, Carol.

Mr. Carey. Mr. Carey, sir.

Huh? Why'd you call me that?

It's a sign of respect.

I know. Why'd you call me that?

You're being silly.

This is the woman that used to work there. Call me Pig, and she...

Have me arrested for attempted murder and sent me off to China.

There, there.

It's okay.

Carol's here now.

You know what might make you feel better.

Why don't you join me and have one of my special cookies?

Okay. Wait!

Still want to eat it?

You've got to learn to trust again.

I'm sorry, just...

Don't give up on me, Carol.

Hey, Drew.

Hey. So, I've been to every trailer park in town.

What'd you find out?

Found a place for Steve and Mimi to live that's in your price range.

Oh, that's great.

And now I know where you can get a baby for a carton of cigarettes.

It's just probably my hillbilly squatters watching TV and using their

Foreman grill at the same time.

You want to do an ironing in my kitchen?

There's no room in the trailer.

Why do you vacuum at 2 a .m. in the morning butt naked with your shades

Don't try to change the subject from your weird ironing in the kitchen thing.

Hey, why don't you get Steven here because we have great news.

Yeah, listen.

Found a trailer park for you guys to move into. I'm willing to pay for the

six months' rent. Nope, not interested.

Come on, it has a swimming pool, laundry, and it's sewn for killing

You can dangle all the amenities in front of me that you want, but until we

up enough to buy a truck, we're not moving.

Save up what? I don't see you looking for a job.

Well, I've been trying, but Solard must be giving me lousy references.

Because every interview that I go on, the personnel guy brings out all the

employees to meet me, and then they have their pictures taken, and then they

never...

Well, you're going to have to do your job searching from the trailer park.

No, I like it here better where I have house privileges.

Well, they end right now.

Get back in the trailer.

No.

Get back in the trailer.

Make me.

Make you? What are you, two years old?

I have a hostage.

Give me that.

Give me that.

Give me that right now.

Get in the trailer or it's going down my pants. No, I can't go in there.

I swear to God it's going to touch me.

Put me in at work.

Oh, crap.

What? I need to think.

Well, you can't use our toilet because Steve's going to take a shower.

Damn it.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

What is it, Drew? Damn it.

Damn it, damn it.

Claustrophobia is a medical condition.

I can get Mimi her job back at the store.

Well, that's great, Drew. You can get her out of the yard.

Yeah, but then I have to put her up with her at work.

Damn it.

at my work. I watch Unsolved Mysteries. People disappear there all the time.

What's going on? I can't see.

Drew, let's think about this logically.

You'd have her eight hours a day at work versus 16 hours a day at home.

Yeah, but I'd be sleeping for eight hours. Probably more because of the

and the depression.

Right, but you'd also have her home for weekends and holidays.

I don't know what to do.

I guess I'll get her a job back.

He rings that bell and Angel rips its wings off.

Goodbyes are so hard. Oh, you'll be all right.

You can face anything in the world.

Let a smile be your umbrella.