All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s05e11 Steve And Mimi Get Married

That's an old thing.

Ought to cool them chance washers.

Can't go out there. It's so tragic. This
guy had his whole life ahead of him.

Drew, your whole family's out there.

Remember, life goes on.

Everybody, toast to the marriage of
Stephen and Mimi.

Hey,

five seconds. You stayed on the bull
longer this time.

I can't believe the bull's married my
brother.

You know, I thought I'd be okay with
this, but the closer we get to the

the worse it gets.

You know what? We'll get through this
together.

Have you told your mom about us?

No, I mean, you know, we haven't even
had our first date yet.

Besides, she's had enough joy already
today. I like to give all my good news

small doses.

Like God does with me.

Could you bring the camera in here? I
want to get some pictures of Mimi with

family. I'm going to photograph the
crime scene.

I heard that, mister.

Now, you've been making snide remarks
all day. I will not have you ruining

special time.

Sorry. Bye.

Now, let's get out there.

Remember, you're never fully dressed
without a smile.

How's this look?

That's not good.

Hey. Okay, now hurry. The right side's
already falling.

Thank you, dear.

Now, Steve and Mimi get together. I want
a picture of you two for your father.

Oh, I'm so sorry you couldn't make it. I
hope his back is feeling better.

Well, it's his own fault. He's trying to
do a backflip off the diving board to

impress that 62 -year -old tarte with
the new hips.

Now, Stephen, put your arm around Mimi.

To make our honeymoon more special, Mimi
and I decided not to be intimate for

the week before the wedding.

Yeah, if we start getting all smoochy
now, you have to hose us down like a

couple of dogs in the driveway.

Did you hear that?

She manages to make dogs having sex in
the driveway sound ugly.

If I may, I'd like to propose a toast.

Well, of course, Uncle Alfred.

Go ahead.

First, I just want to throw this out
there.

I took the wrong pills, and I'm going to
have an erection in two hours.

Let's see if we wrap this dinner up in
one hour. What do you say?

You know, Steve, time goes by so fast.
It seems just like yesterday that I was

raising my own family in this wonderful
house and then turned it over to your

parents. Turned it over. That's code for
gouged.

Anyway, it brings back so many wonderful
memories to be here. And I have another

one to add. You and Mimi getting
married.

Oh, thank you.

Okay, I better shut up now.

I'm feeling something is stirring.

Yes, we don't want that to ruin another
family picture.

Now, everybody gather together.

Kate, would you mind?

Drew, dear, go over by your brother.

Okay, everybody, get together.

Smell your musk.

I can feel the heat from your body.

I can taste my vomit.

Bones, I've got to go downtown and pick
up some marital aids for my honeymoon,

and some of the devices require a ten
-day waiting period.

Why? So the guy can buy a gun and go
kill himself?

How could you?

What? Did you or did you not order the
napkins and the matchbooks for the

wedding? Yeah, that's the problem.

Mimi, I've stopped looking. I found the
beast. Love, Steve, 1999.

Mimi, I've stopped looking. I found the
beast. Love, Steve.

What do you want, a Steven?

Beast? It says beast.

You're supposed to say I found the best.
You called Mimi a beast.

Oh, man, are they all like that?

Yes.

500 napkins and 200 matchbooks, and it's
too late to get them redone.

Sorry, I ordered them off the internet.
I just must have typed it up wrong.

Wrong?

I know how you feel about Mimi.

This is ridiculous. I'm as shocked about
this as you are.

I think I know what's going on here.

You're doing everything you can to ruin
the biggest day of my life. No, I'm not.

Yes, you are, because you don't want me
to get married. Yes, I do.

To Mimi? Yes. Mimi Bobeck, not Mimi
Rogers, the first wife of Tom Cruise.

Damn.

I thought so.

Well, if you can't trust your own
brother, maybe he shouldn't be your best

Carrie!

One of your messages got left in my box
by mistake. It's a really funny one,

too. Listen.

Your great -uncle Alfred...

He's a big crybaby.

He cried in his sleep of a heart attack.

And that's died.

That's not funny at all.

Well, Alfred's gone.

He was fine last night.

Well, I guess you never know what's
going to happen.

I'm sorry, bro.

I know you didn't do it on purpose. Oh,
no, it's my fault.

I want you to be my best man.

I'm going to make sure you have the best
wedding ever.

What a lovely wake.

It was very moving.

You know, he was the third carry to die
on the toilet.

I thought he died in his sleep.

He did.

Well, he was a... Good man, Mom, and
we'll miss him.

Oh, thank you, honey. I just wish he
could have seen you get married

Me too.

Well, better get going. Big day
tomorrow.

Just think, tonight I take my last
strawberry bubble bath as a single man.

Oh, I just thank God he found someone
who accepts him for who he is.

See, Louis?

There's hope for everybody.

God puts them together.

Thank you, Mrs. C. May I have another?

Kate and Drew, come and help me make
some coffee.

So, who wants coffee?

I would love some.

We got it.

Now, how do you take your coffee, Kate?

Um, just sugar, please. And how long are
you going to date my son before you

told me?

How did you know?

A mother knows.

And I'll tell you something else.

You two haven't had sex yet.

Wow, you're good.

No, I'm bluffing, but now I know.

Hey, Drew, someone's here to see you.

Who? Uncle Alfred.

What the hell?

Oh, my God, he found his way home.

for you, honey, but it was Uncle
Alfred's dying wish that he be buried in

backyard. What? My backyard?

What? Why?

Well, so that he could look out on his
beautiful yard where his children used

play. That's why he wanted this glass
window put in.

I think it looks like Snow White's
coffin.

Like if you were to kiss him, he'd come
back to life.

Oh, my God, he's still breathing.

Just me.

I can't bury him here. I mean, I'm
already the single guy who lives alone

parents' house.

I can't be seen digging a grave in my
backyard.

Besides, you know, it's illegal.

You can't give a home burial to any
primate higher than a baboon. I learned

the hard way.

There's nothing to worry about. The
funeral home is not going to say a word.

promise them all the future Carrie
business.

You would have thought it was Christmas
the way their eyes lit up.

Yeah, but what about Steve's wedding
tomorrow?

Yeah, well, that's why you have to bury
him tonight.

Now, Drew, you don't have to do this. I
can't make you do it. I just know that

it's your great -uncle's dying wish.

Good night.

I hope to see almost everybody in the
morning.

ground is hard.

It's frozen. Come on.

Get me another brew, would you, buddy?

Thanks.

Scrape digging is thirsty business.

Tell me about it.

Let's make a really bad beer commercial.

Hey, guys.

What you doing?

Planting your winter bulbs?

Yeah. I put my tulips in last week.

I dropped off some band gear for the
reception tomorrow night.

Hey, what's in them?

We're kind of in the middle of something
here you really don't want to have any

part of.

It's okay.

I've got to go anyway.

All right.

Wait a minute.

Did I just see what I thought I saw?

Look. It's Saturn, the ring planet.

Second largest in our solar system.

Keep your eyes open, boys.

There's wonders all around us.

Joe, we've been at this for three hours.
Man, why don't we go inside and warm

up? Yeah, what the hell.

I deserve a break. Hey, listen.

I can't leave the coffin here. It might
freeze to the ground. Let's get it up on

the stage.

All right.

You know what? We should cover up the
coffin, too. You never know who might

by. Good idea.

Ten minutes, we're right back at it,
huh? Yeah, yeah. We'll really hit it

okay? Yeah.

Let's take a...

We slept all night.

The body!

Huh?

Oh, no.

Well, we didn't drink our problems away.

Well, if we can't move it now, what are
we going to tell your brother?

Nothing.

He's got enough horrible surprises to
deal with tonight.

For crying out loud. It happens at every
party. A condor crapped on this.

Hey. Hey.

So where'd you guys bury the body? I
don't want to step on him. That would be

creepy.

Relax. You're eating often.

He's under here?

Shh. I promised our brother a perfect
wedding, and nobody's going to know

this. So you turned him into a dolly
platter?

Drew, you remember Mrs. Boback, Mimi's
mother?

Call me Tammy.

We're going to be family now.

Yeah, we sure are.

Drew.

Okay.

Oh, my.

What a lovely buffet.

Something smells unusual.

I just cut a huge one.

Oh.

Hello.

I'm Stephen's mother, Beulah. You must
be Mimi's mother. That's right. How did

you know?

Well, I think it's the eyes.

Hey, Ed. That music sounded great.

Hey, you know, I don't do just music.

I also do a little magic for the
kiddies. Hey, kid.

What's that I see behind your ear?

Oh, it's my business card.

It says I'm available for birthday
parties.

Gee, that was a great trick there, Ed.
You got any more?

As a matter of fact, I got one more
trick. Should really make the kiddies

finish anything.

This is your paper route all over again.

Are you responsible for this? Hey, I
tried to dig a grave, but the ground was

too hard.

Then, you know, went inside a cup of
beer. I don't believe you.

You did this on purpose. You made my big
day a big one.

Steve, it's all a mistake. Wait.

Hello, everyone.

What's all this?

Oh.

Something old.

Steve, come out of there. The wedding's
supposed to start a half hour ago. Come

on. No, it doesn't matter anymore.

I told you, everything's ruined. Send
everyone home. The wedding is off.

The hell it is.

So there's a corpse in the backyard, one
less Carrie in the world. Boo -hoo, now

get out here.

Honey, let us handle this. If he sees
you before the wedding, it's bad luck.

Yeah, any time he sees Mimi, he's...

Not a good time to tell that joke.

Listen to me, you wedding -wrecking
bastard.

If your brother's not out there in one
minute, I swear by all that's holy, I

will burn this house down.

She'll do it, too. You see what she's
done to her face?

It's your mother. Now, I've been married
45 years, and I'm going to tell you, if

you're going to go running in the
bathroom every time something doesn't go

way, you're going to spend the rest of
your life in the crapper.

Listen, this is all my fault.

If you want to punish anybody, you know,
punish me.

And the best way to do that is to marry
Mimi.

Don't hurt the woman you love.

Go get ready, woman.

We're getting married.

Permission to squeal? Granted.

Bad news, everybody.

I persuaded some of the guests to stay,
but the priest had to leave you to

perform another wedding.

Wait a second.

There's got to be a way around this.
Does anybody know a minister or priest

can call?

I know a guy.

Oh, no, it won't work.

We don't talk anymore.

Hey, I'm certified to perform marriages.

Yeah, I'm a third -level warlock in the
church of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I don't think so, Lewis.

Wait a second.

That gives me an idea.

You give me ten minutes, and you're
going to have a wedding.

What?

All right.

Okay, have it your way. But at my
ceremony, there's actually something for

dead guy to do.

In the sight of God and the Reverend
Foreman from www .instantwedding .com.

Join this man and this woman in holy
matrimony.

So how did you find out about this
website?

Oh, my guess is every once in a while he
stops by a non -porn site to throw the

FBI off.

Steve, do you take this woman to be your
wedded wife? And do you promise to love

her, honor her, and keep her in sickness
and in health until death do you part?

I do.

All right.

Mimi, do you take this man to be your
wedded husband, and do you promise to

him, honor him, and keep him in sickness
and in health until death do you part?

I do.

Mimi, will you set this ring as a token
of Steve's affection, sincerity, and

fidelity towards you?

Oh, I got mail.

Anybody up for a new Clinton joke?

Get on with it!

Sorry.

I may now place the ring on Mimi's hand.

I declare by the authority of Reverend
Foreman in the state of Ohio... Oh, I

lost the window. Hold on.

Look up in that control panel system
menu chooser thing.

Okay, got it. That's it.

I now declare you husband and wife.

And, you know, I just want to say that
in spite of me and my differences, I

hope you guys have a wonderful life
together.

You may now kiss the bride.

For God's sakes,

cut it out!

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to
you Mr. and Mrs. Steve Carey.