All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s05e07 Red, White And Drew

I see it fine. I just can't swerve
around when another

car is coming at me.

What's another head -on collision to
you?

Oh, I'll laugh about that later. But
right now, incoming.

Damn it.

I'm almost ready when you guys pick me
up. Don't you guys do anything at home?

Coffee's ready. Ah, lovely.

I know what the real problem is here.
Every time you look in the rearview

mirror, you're distracted by my rock
-hard white cliffs of Dover.

I swear to God, I will crash this car
and kill us all if you don't get your

pasty English man teats out of my face.

Wait a minute.

Boobs.

Hooters. Ah, crap.

I'll have to report with the sexual
harassment guidelines in the back of the

house. Hang on.

Kenny, I've got a very important 9 o
'clock meeting. If I'm late, there's

to be hell to pay.

Don't worry, sir. No shortcut. I'm right
around the corner.

Oh, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Hey, good -looking, would you like some
fries with that shake?

Ah, she's not interested. Go, go, go!

I'll be offended, sir. She's probably
just late for school.

Hey, Drew, that report's not the only
thing you forgot.

What are you talking about? There's your
pothole!

Yeah, sir.

I'm looking at a guy who's got to get to
a nine o 'clock meeting.

Yeah, we want to get you there while
you're still looking your best.

Now it's being video conferenced to all
our stores.

I know, sir.

I know.

What are you thinking about?

Wait, don't tell me.

Let me mark my guess on this napkin, and
if I'm right, you buy the next beer.

Okay, I was thinking about my lousy
timing. I mean, here I am, crazy about

right at the same time that stupid store
therapist tells him to lay off

relationships for a while.

That's exactly what I wrote.

Let's see.

Wait, I'm not finished. Give it.

You? What about Drew?

Because he can't be with a woman. He's
channeling all his sexual energy into

fixing his street.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

I gotta fill that hole. I tell you,
until I get that hole filled, I think

gonna burst.

I'm sick of hearing about it. I say we
go down to the hardware store, we get a

shovel and some gravel and some tar, and
we just fill the pothole ourselves.

Who's with me? Yeah, I am. Oh, you guys
and hot tar. That's a really good idea.

Doesn't someone here have a do -it
-yourself press -on tile stuck somewhere

below the waist?

I don't see what that has to do with
anything.

Anyway, we're going to fix this all.
We're going to do it the right way.

That's why I've been going door to door
asking people to vote for Prop 147.

You know what Prop 147 is, don't you?

Do you know there's an election
tomorrow?

Yes, we know there's an election
tomorrow. And yes, we know what Prop 147

What is it?

It's to provide more... Police to
perform gay marriages at Indian casinos.

No, it's to provide funding for street
repair.

The streets that take the police to
perform gay marriages at Indian casinos.

These passes are going to fix the
pothole in front of my house. It's all

down in this thing. You can read about
it right here.

I'd like to see one of those.

In fact, maybe I could buy you a beer
and you could tell me more about Prop

It's all in the pamphlet.

Well, maybe we could just have a beer.

The beer's at the bar.

I'm sorry.

Did I say something wrong? Look, I'm not
in a good place right now, and I can't

be in a relationship, okay?

Okay? Okay?

He doesn't love himself.

Oh.

Do you love yourself?

All the time.

But I wouldn't mind trying a two -way.

Where are you going?

Hey.

I think what you're doing is great. In
fact, you know what? I'm going to swear

off dating for a while, too.

Oh, that's so nice, Kate.

And don't worry, it's not that hard. I
found all kinds of stuff to keep my mind

off sex during the campaign.

Ah, banging on doors, licking envelopes,
just banging and licking, banging and

licking.

Well, welcome to the celibate army, you
two.

We don't get many volunteers, but we're
glad to have you.

Private O 'Brien, get me a beer.

I'm sorry about the smell, ma 'am. A
bottle of ammonia exploded in the fire.

Is that better, ma 'am?

Yeah, yeah.

Can I buy you a beer?

Uh... Oh, seven

seconds! Still the king!

Uh,

no thanks.

God help me.

I'm trying to get me some of that.

Hey, so where was the fire?

We have W Hall over on Brook Park.

Oh, no.

That's where we're supposed to go vote
tomorrow.

Well, you'll all have to go downtown
unless they can find another place.

Hey, why don't we move the voting over
to the adult bookstore? They already got

the booths.

Hey, I got an idea.

I can volunteer to have the voting at my
house.

And people will hit the pothole on the
way over there, and they'll have to vote

to fix it. I wonder if we could call
right now.

Oh, you.

Sitting around here all shirt off.

How much money do you make a year?

About $40 ,000.

Damn it.

All right, everybody, attention.

If everything goes okay, the new polling
place is going to be at Drew's house.

That's 720 Sedgwick.

Whoa.

Thank you, man.

Hey, look at me. I'm a mountain man's
bride.

Kind of slow, huh?

Yeah, not a lot of people out voting.

I'll be glad when I'm dead.

Fourth time you've said that in the last
hour, Miss Hopkins.

Starting to think you're all talk.

Hey, guys, today's the big day, huh?

We banged on all the doors, we lift all
the envelopes. Now it's time to poke

holes in those ballots and stuff in the
ballot box.

Poking stuff, poking stuff, poking
stuff.

Well, I just signed the death warrant
for the peregrine falcon.

Thank you.

Hey, so you really have every president
on there?

Yep, all 42.

I just hope someday I have a woman on
me.

Here's your ballots. We didn't come to
vote. We just hit a pothole and it gave

us a flag. Can we use the phone?

Hey, you want to get back at that
pothole, vote against it.

Nah, we got to get the car fixed and get
back to the frat house for the beer

brunch. Beer brunch?

That's what we've been missing between
beer breakfast and beer lunch.

Tell you what, if you vote, we'll give
you a free buzz beer.

What do you think?

Sure. Oh, we're a couple of idiots.

We should have been giving out free beer
all along.

Wait a minute. You can't give out beer
before people vote.

How about afterwards?

That should be all right.

You can spread the word. I'm going to go
get the beer. Well, if you boys are

going to pass out beers, I'm going to go
bum me a medicinal joint.

That's only legal if you have glaucoma.

My eyes.

responsible citizen.

Now, here's your booze.

Hey, this one goes out to all you voters
out there.

What the hell is going on here? Hey,
we're giving away beer for votes.

Well, I'm going to prison.

Yeah, we're getting tons of new
customers for Bugs Beer, and word has it

are voting to fix your pothole, huh?

Beer? Are you crazy?

They're going to throw out all the
votes. All my hard work for nothing. The

pothole wins again.

Hey, this is your fault, pal. Yeah.

Putting guys like us in charge of the
single most important process in this

great land.

You think this is a joke?

All right, that's it.

Party's over.

Put out the cigarettes. Get rid of your
beer.

Who defaced the booth?

Here I stand all brokenhearted.

Came to vote, but only... Dad's here.

Party's over.

Uh, excuse me, son.

Did you just put out your cigarette in
the ballot box?

No, I put it in the... Uh -oh.

Oh, my God. Does anybody have a key?

Oh, no. The inspector has the only key,
but not to worry. No. The polls are

closed, and he'll be here any minute.

Oh.

Ow. Hot, hot.

open the box?

That's vote tampering. You could go to
prison.

That must be the inspector. I'll get it.

Quick, somebody stop her!

Okay,

we gotta think. The vote's ruined,
inspector's at the door, and Oswald's

that old lady an airplane ride.

And the red baron!

Hey, the inspector can't report it if he
can't call it in, huh?

to pick up the ballots.

Okay. If there's any chance of getting
this pothole fixed, everybody's got to

vote again.

Kate, start passing out ballots. Lewis,
Oswald, you keep that guy busy for like

five minutes. Okay.

Hey.

You think of what I'm thinking? Way
ahead of you. Come back in five minutes.

Got anything else for us?

Right. Okay.

Excuse me. The door is jammed. Meet us
around back.

Okay. What are we going to do when we
get out there?

Can you still make your butt talk?

Can you still throw your voice?

You better can.

Who said that?

Okay, does everybody have a ballot?

Yeah. Okay, everybody focus, please.
Okay, for mayor, if you vote a Democrat,

that's the first column, third hole
down.

Republican, first column, fourth hole
down.

Zoo expansion, yes, third column, fourth
hole.

No, third column, fifth hole. No!

When you're voting here, would you
please pay attention? This is how a

becomes a governor.

I can't believe we locked the door
behind us. I'm sure there's a key around

somewhere. Oh, maybe it's under the mat.

Hey, it's Mr. Heine.

Say, Mr. Heine, is it true that you have
two cars?

I did, but I wrecked them.

Are you trying to stall me because
interfering

with an election official is a federal
offense?

Oh, man, you know, I bet we can get in
that front door.

Mr. Heine never got to do his rendition
of Like a Virgin.

Okay, the next five are judges. Anybody
care who's who? No!

Okay, just punch any hole between 25 and
39.

Man, all this voting is killing my buzz.

Let's go.

Yeah, like hell you will.

You're gonna sit down and listen to the
man and vote.

You know what? Ah, you're hurting me.

Yeah? This is for every one of you frat
boys who called me a townie.

Oh, the last proposition and the most
important.

Street repair.

For yes, punch hole 65.

For no, hey, Kate, how's that little
Timmy doing that fell in the pothole out

front? Doesn't look good, Drew.

Doesn't look good. Oh, it's too bad.

Okay, you've got about five seconds.

Everybody, put your votes in the thing.
Give me your votes. Give me your votes.

Grab your beers. Get out of here.

Hi.

Don't you care? You must be the polling
inspector.

Why does it smell like beer and smoke in
here?

I have a cat.

Wait, Drew, they're reporting on the
election.

Councilman Hendricks is expected to win
the 10th district, and our exit polls

indicate that all of the propositions
will pass.

Except for one.

Close the library.

Close the library.

Close the library.

Close the library.

Proposition 147, the street initiative,
looks like it'll fail by an overwhelming

margin.

No.

All right, that's it.

I'm going to go out there. I'm going to
fill that hole up myself.

What?

I think this is illegal.

I don't care anymore.

All right? I played by the rules, and
the system let me down.

What good is democracy if you can't get
what you want?

Drew, it's cold.

Looks like it's going to rain. Come
inside. You'll feel better about it in

morning. No, I won't.

Hey, if you do this, you're no better
than the hole.

I never said I was.

This is for my broken...

even tell there was a pothole there.

Yeah, it was pretty smart to break the
water, man. You knew that the city would

have to come by and fix the pothole.

You're looking at a guy who wants to
murder the entire city government.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta raise
$1 ,200, so I'll turn my water back on.

Loser!

Hey, you should be thanking me.

I did what the city couldn't do.

I know you.

You're the Thompson boy. Hey,

I always thought I'd be the one wearing
the sandwich board ranting about the

government.

Well, the neighborhood still needs a guy
who sits on his front lawn in his

underwear and shoots at crows.

I got the gun.

So, tell me, beautiful, are we near the
airport or is it my heart taking

off?

My God, you can't take your eyes off me,
can you?

Some days everything just clicks.

Mimi, I'm late for my date. Can I check
myself out in your mirror?

No. You look great.

Oh, come on. I'll give it right back to
you.

A little bushy up top.

Still, mustn't brag.

Before you go, sir, your left eye's a
little bloodshot.

Thank you.

Mimi, you do look after me, don't you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, go on your date,

and if you sneeze, Use these eye drops.