Original subtitles

All right.

Step aside, everybody. It's time to mow.

You're using an awful lot of safety equipment there, aren't you, buddy?

Well, you know, I am operating heavy machinery.

What's with the fancy briefcase?

Oh, good news. I got a promotion. I'm the angel of death.

About time.

Drew, pack a bag.

No, every time Global Parcel ruins a package, I'm the guy who gets to notify

customer. You know, stuff like your Christmas presents are lost, your

pictures are destroyed, Grandma's ashes are missing.

You don't want to do that. Hey, for 30 more cents an hour, I'd be a fool not

What the hell happened to this barbecue?

Well, Drew called us childish, so to get back at him, we tied it to his bumper.

He would have made it to work if he hadn't gone through the car wash.

So what'd you do to get him back?

Nothing yet.

I think revenge is a dish best served cold.

Well, that's good, because we busted up your barbecue!

Hey, Drew.

What do you say we go inside and make some lemonade?

Now?

All right, sure.

What are you doing?

Well, I thought you said if you want to make lemonade, I thought it was a code

word for coming in and have sex.

Sex, could you make some lemonade?

So, uh, have you thought about what you want to do for our one -month

anniversary? Yeah. I read there's going to be a meteor shower that night. I

thought it'd be fun to cook outside and camp out.

Oh, that sounds nice.

Camp out is code for having sex outside, Drew.

Oh.

Oh, it must explain that camping trip where my Uncle Bob called me a tease.

We're going to need a new barbecue. Want to go in on one?

I don't know. That's a pretty big step.

So you're in?

Yeah, let's do it.

Hey, while I have the energy, why don't we drain the old birdbath?

Now?

Oswald's new job?

Hot sauce?

Why, thank you.

Yeah, it's about time.

He's always helping everybody else. He deserves to have something nice happen

him for a change.

Salt? Hey,

Drew. I found us a barbecue.

No, I'm sorry.

The barbecue.

The Meat Master 2000.

You know,

these things are never as nice as when you see them on TV.

Wow!

a favor and pick this up for me?

I was going to tell you guys this later on, but I am going to the retail

convention in Chicago.

Retail convention in Chicago.

Just think about it.

I've been waiting all my life to go to this thing, and you want to know the

part? I get to give a speech.

Let me tell you, Mrs. O 'Leary's cow isn't going to be the only thing to ever

set that town on fire.

Is that part of your speech?

Well, not anymore.

motivation getting off your butt and riding a rocket to the top hey wasn't it

the title of the speech that smart kid gave at our high school graduation i

really wouldn't know hey bartender would you give me a shot at jack

is he okay buddy i don't know i really don't like delivering bad news to people

maybe i'm just not cut out for this job but all that That tragedy, day after

day. I mean, you have no idea how many people buy mail order hamsters. Why the

hell doesn't the government put a stop to this?

You've got an empty stomach.

Why don't you have some of these before they get cold?

Oh, thank you very much. It's very generous of you.

This is payback for what we did to your barbecue, isn't it?

Well, don't offend you, because I like them hot.

I had a big lunch, but Oswald will.

In the name of all things holy, it's bland.

Here.

A little on the napkins.

I thought you were on our side.

I go where I'm needed.

You could have offered me some wings. I could take a joke as good as the next

guy. Oh, honey, I would never do anything like that to you.

You know what? I dreamt that up. You're wearing a T -shirt. When I think about

it later, you'll be wearing a T -shirt.

I know what this is. This is your way of saying you're one of the gang and we

accept you, right?

Uh, okay.

I'm looking forward to getting you all back. Any rules?

Only one.

No tickling.

into the trip yep they got a course there i've been dying to play it's

the beast and beauty always tames the beast where's the plane ticket uh

before i tell you why don't i hold your claps in order to get a first class

ticket for myself i had to cash in your coach ticket why do you have to fly

first class i have a medical problem i'm a snob

And as he pointed out, on airplanes, you tend to get drunk and grabby.

No, I don't have to be drunk to get grabby.

But of course, you're only willing to go through with this if I give you the

ticket, right?

Exactly. I'll send you a postcard.

I'll bring you back a T -shirt that says, my friend went to Chicago and all

got was uglier.

You could have a pig.

Straighten your tie, Kerry.

Certainly these men are?

No. They're the regional managers of Dillard's, Macy's, Nordstrom's, and Saks

Fifth Avenue.

Oh, kind of like the Mount Rushmore of middle management.

Excuse me, first class.

Hi there. I'm Drew Kerry. I'm human resources over at Winford Louder. Paul

Bowler, Saks Fifth Avenue.

Oh, that's between 4th and 6th, right?

We're always looking to meet smart, clean -cut young managers.

Oh, thank you, sir. You should come by the Winford Louder booth, because I

think I'm going to get a break.

Excuse me, sir.

Is this your bed?

Yeah, why? What's up?

Then that would be your marital aid.

Well, you know, I mean, that's my socks, and that's my underwear, and that's my

toothbrush. I don't know what that is, and I certainly wouldn't have it next to

my toothbrush.

Ride a pleasure one.

Just like a cell phone or laptop, I will have to ask you to turn it on.

Mimi.

Very well.

Please turn Mimi on.

No, it's not an A. I mean, it doesn't have an A. I mean, look.

Let me explain what happened. Sir, you are holding up the line. Now, please

on your rough ride or you won't be allowed.

I can't figure out how to turn this thing on.

Norman says push the button on the base and turn the top part counterclockwise.

About coming by our booth, we're going to be pretty busy and, well, just yuck.

A little help?

Getting off your butt and riding a rocket to the top.

Good one.

Okay,

let's get down to business.

We can't always control our future.

Now we've all experienced the discomfort of internal reorganization.

Jobs once performed by people are now being... done by machine.

Okay, look, obviously everyone here has heard what's happened to me.

Of Global Parcel. Finally!

Oh, I hope you have my porcelain doll set.

The Secretary of Global Parcel regrets to inform you... Oh, no.

I'm sorry.

Which one was it?

Scarlet O 'Hara, Shirley Temple, Ernest...

It's their certificate of authenticity.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Tough trick, pig?

I'm sorry to hear that.

Well, have some barbecue.

It's ribs for your pleasure.

You can embarrass me in front of my friends and co -workers. You can

me in front of a billion red Chinese.

But when you embarrass me in front of retailers, that's when I get mad.

I didn't do it, but I got you a gift.

De -sell. I heard it was a big fella.

Laugh now, Mimi.

I finally have the evidence I need to go to the board and get you fired.

Hey, maybe this thing will give me some pleasure after all.

good buzz about his trip?

You guys did it?

Actually, it was my idea. They just helped out a little.

Yeah, I lent her my consumer guide. I mean, you don't want to have to buy

things twice.

Listen, sister, Drew's blaming it on me and he's trying to get me fired.

Either you fix it or I'm going to do something so horrible, so painful.

Are you having sex with Drew?

Yeah. Oh.

of the board now we're all gathered together i'd like to talk to you about

retail convention 1999 well they loved it in

chicago excuse me carrie i'm giving my presentation oh for god's sake can't

you go anywhere without your little friend sorry to interrupt but i have

something very important to discuss with the board make it quick carrie you make

me nervous when you're out of your box

From Mimi Bobeck over the years.

But this time she just didn't embarrass me. She embarrassed the entire store in

front of every major retailer in the Midwest.

And I would like her fired.

Oh, I'm sure you're exaggerating, Carrie. Whatever she did, it couldn't be

bad. Oh, really?

Would you say that if you were on a business trip and you went through

security and they found...

It's your other girlfriend.

Well,

Sharon, I'm kind of busy here.

You did this?

No, no, no. Why would I be mad?

Uh, where was I? Oh, yeah, that's right. Throw out a sweet and low in the

cafeteria. Okay, got it. See you later.

I don't understand.

Are you or are you not fighting a complaint against Bo Beck because of

left...

Oh, my God.

Hey,

hey, hey.

I think someone owes someone an apology.

You could ruin my career.

I'm sorry. I know. I heard it was horrible.

I just thought it'd be funny. So did you guys, right?

No, we didn't think it was funny at all.

You were all in on this?

Yeah. Kate and Louis wanted me to get you a talking one.

It talked a lot, but not just about itself.

How could you betray me like this? I mean, you know, I am the laughing stock

the whole story.

I can't undo what happened at the convention, but you know what? I can try

fix things here. Can I have your attention, please?

I want to set the record straight.

The sexual device that was found in Drew's bag didn't belong to him.

Well, you know, maybe sorry isn't enough.

Well, what can I say to make you forgive me?

No idea.

Well, if there's nothing left to say, I guess that's it then.

Yeah, maybe it is.

You better go.

Bye, Drew.

Well,

remember, Drew, women are like trains.

Eventually they all run over a pig.

barbecuing. It's our anniversary.

Meteor showers, camping out.

Any of this ringing a bell?

Yeah, but I thought you broke up with me.

Hey, we had a fight.

We're in a relationship.

We're not going to break up every time I put a whoopee stick in your bag.

We're adults.

Wow.

That's nice.

I never made it through an argument this big with a girlfriend before.

Usually by now I'd be crying into whatever underwear I left behind.

mad at you.

That doesn't mean I'm not mad at you.

You've still got to eat.

You've still got to have sex.

Hey, preacher of the choir here.

You know what would be really romantic right now?

If we saw a shooting star.

Why don't you make a wish anyway?

What did you wish

for? That you'd stop being such a baby.

That you'd get an ounce of sensitivity?

You want to see sensitive?

Get in the tent.

So what do you see?

Okay.

There are about six cream -filled four or five jelly and some brick. in the

South Quarter.