Original subtitles

Hey, buddy.

Maybe you want to sit down. I got some bad news.

Is it worse than what you're doing now?

Look, I don't know how to tell you this, but you know that girl you've been

seeing, Tracy?

Last night I saw her out on a date with your so -called friend, Louis.

Oh, thanks for telling me, but she's not just dating me. She's dating Oswald and

Louis, too.

Wow, sharing a woman, huh?

Listen, old lady Louder and I belong to this little club. We're open -minded.

Open -minded couple, you may be interested.

But no looky -loos.

You come, you play.

No pets.

That's a relief.

Hey, it's about time. Hi, Tracy.

Hi, James.

Car doesn't drive on three wheels.

Think about it.

You were supposed to have her back by 12 .30. Now we only have less than an hour

for lunch.

Well, I'm sorry we're late, but we had to get a cup of coffee and I couldn't

find a Starbucks.

Well, did you look around the corner of lame excuse and nice try?

This is that awful temper I was telling you about.

I knew this was going to be a bad idea. I'm going to end up coming between you

guys. Maybe I should stop seeing all three of you. No, no, no.

Are you done with your date? I'll turn my head while you give her a little

Oh, no, no, no. That wouldn't be necessary. I'd never do that in front of

friend. Well, you are a gentleman. Well, you are a gentleman's gentleman.

Well, good day to you. Well, good day to you, sir.

You know, the only thing weirder than dating three guys is dating you three

guys.

So you ready to go? Yeah, before I forget, you know, I was reading in the

that the auto show's coming to town on Saturday.

Oh, yeah, I know. I'm going with Oswald.

Well, you know, there's a boat show on Friday. Yeah, I know. I'm going with

Lewis.

What are you doing next weekend?

Friday, dog show, Lewis. Saturday, church fair, Oswald.

Well, it's your loss, because my church is having a big dog fair.

Hey, Tracy, I got tickets to the Stones next month. You want to go? The Stones?

Wow!

Lewis, what are you doing here?

I'm taking Tracy to the zoo at three, so I thought I'd come to lunch with you.

I just can't horn in on my date.

Don't worry. It'll be like the last time you went out. You won't even know I'm

there. What?

Kelly! Yes, sir?

I've been accused by the board of delegating too much of my

Here's what I need you to do. Prepare a report by me stating how hands -on I am.

I won't need to read it.

What, right now?

Yes, now. I'm due in front of the board in an hour. And don't forget to mention

my perfectionism. How I never leave before the job is done. I'm always

when I need to.

I guess I'll see you guys later.

Maybe next time, Drew.

Sorry, Drew.

It's okay. Hey, think about me while you're watching The Hippos.

Mr. Witt canceled it. You know, I'm really losing ground here.

Oswald and Lewis have Tracy booked up for the next month.

I don't know how they were brought up, but this is not the way I was brought up

to share a woman.

Hey, Kate, here's an invitation to an unemployed loser like you could use.

I'm having a seminar at my house Saturday night.

Women in business.

Oh, that's nice.

Advancing a group you're not even a part of.

Hey, I'm more woman than you'll ever inflate.

Louder's going to be there. You could have gotten your job back, maybe. But,

hey, that might interfere with your plan of dying alone in a hotel room.

Well, it would be a great opportunity to suck up, but Mrs. Louder hates me.

Nothing worse than unrequited suck.

Mimi, you're fired.

What? Why?

For having the gall to ask me to speak on the subject of women in their 90s.

That's women in the 90s.

Oh. Well, count me in, then.

larger print, for God's sake. I'm older than dirt.

Step aside, O 'Brien, you Irish cockroach.

Hey, she gave me a nickname.

Maybe I do have a chance. I will come to your party.

Okay. I better go fix this typo. Let's say women in their 90s.

Excuse me, I have to see Joe Carey. So do I. Isn't it awful?

Same species as my ass.

Can I help you?

I'm Eva Frommer, one of the Winsford -Lowry -Carlock models.

We are here from New York to do the in -store promotion.

Oh, yeah, you must be here to fill out your W -4 or jab seat.

I have it right here.

You know, I love your beach layout.

You know, I lay on the beach, I get sand in the weirdest places.

So, are you and the other models having fun when you're in Cleveland?

Not exactly. I thought Cleveland was a party town, but we haven't been invited

to one yet.

Oh, you're kidding me. All the guys I know would love to come to a party if

knew there was going to be models like you there.

Yeah, I bet if you threw a party, your friends, say, Lewis and Oswald, would

even cancel their dates to go to it. That way, Tracy could go out with the

cute guy that she likes.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You got me so confused. I forgot all about this big

I'm throwing on Saturday. You want to go?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, what kind of party is this?

Cocktail? Costume?

Pajama? What is this, the third Saturday? It's pajama. Yeah.

Well, man, Drew, I can't believe you got models to come to a pajama party.

You know what that makes us?

James Conn and James Conn's accountant.

I just wish I could stop feeling guilty about breaking off my date with Tracy.

Hey, you have nothing to feel guilty about. It's going to be a perfectly

innocent evening.

So, what time should I accidentally stumble upon this?

Hello.

Hey, Sharon. Thank God you're here. Did you get it? Yeah, lucky for you. Now,

these fashion models are pretty sophisticated.

They're going to want one of these.

Wow. You're lucky Sharon's your handywoman. Who else would go out in a

replace old Yeller?

Well, this will just take a second, and then we can head over to Mimi's. Oh,

man, I forgot my gloves.

Hey, Oswald Lewis, want to learn how to put on a toilet seat? Would we?

Man, a new toilet seat and models. I feel like a Kennedy.

So I hope after all this you're going to date with Tracy.

Yeah, I'll wait until they get distracted by the models, and that's

out the back and meet Tracy at the Warsaw.

You're an evil genius, Drew.

Yep, now all I need is an evil laugh.

Hey,

Drew, it's almost in. You want to take it out for a spin?

Now, I don't have any time. The models are going to be here in an hour. Huh.

All done.

Why is it so cold in here? Do you want me to check the thermostat? No, no.

I mean, uh, models like it cold. Oh, yeah.

But all they're going to be wearing is lingerie. They're going to freeze

their... Oh, that's nice.

Have fun ogling at what I'm sure you refer to as their bazoongas.

Bazoongas, what an ugly word.

We prefer to think of them as shabadoos.

Welcome to my women in business seminar.

There's no smoking, snooping, and spitting. And if you've got a problem

somebody, you take it outside.

Hi, Mimi.

Welcome, Kate.

Welcome, Kate's uninvited, empty -handed guest.

Mimi, this is Sharon, Sharon's truth handywoman.

Hey, you're not doing your job. She had a gas leak for the last two years.

Don't mind my crashing. I just wanted to meet other women in the Cleveland

business community.

Your hair is soft like a bear's.

And that must be the head of AT &T.

Hey, it's my little sister, Gigi.

Have you seen my birthmark shaped like Texas?

Maybe later.

No, I'm asking you, have you seen it? It's missing.

Coming. Hello, everyone. Sorry I'm late. I was polishing up my speech.

Good Lord.

Now I know what you do when you take off your makeup. You throw it against the

walls.

Well, I guess everybody's here. Let's start the program.

Oh, sorry I'm late, ladies. It's a real blizzard out there.

What's he doing here?

Women in business, not women with business.

Well, I work in a dress, and I'm treated as a woman, so I face the same problems

as a woman in business.

Hey, Drew's brother's all right, everybody.

Anybody that can wear heels like that on ice, proud to call sister.

Sister? That's exactly what they called me in hockey camp.

Okay, may I continue?

Getting ahead in the business world is a combination of smarts and know -how.

But if you have combination skin, all the smarts and know -how in the world

don't work. Welcome to the world of Sally Mae Cosmetics.

Wait a minute. You lured everybody here to Toontown just to sell us makeup?

Forget it. I'm leaving.

What about my speech?

That's right.

I feel cheated, too. But we'd be cheating ourselves if we left before

Mrs. Louder's pearls of wisdom.

Thank you, O 'Brien.

Still hate you.

If anyone leaves, you're fired.

Gigi, door!

I'm this close to napping. Just give me a reason.

Whoa! What a night! My shabadoos are rock hard!

No service should be any minute.

Oh, hey, glad you could make it.

I'm invited to a model party.

These are women, right?

Not like little airplanes, because I can't be around glue anymore.

Ed, buddy, these are more than just women.

I'm not making any guarantees, but this is one memory of yours that's going to

stand a fighting chance.

Hey, thanks, uh, fat guy.

Uh, you know, you guys might scare off the models if you look too eager.

If we stand up, we're going to look more eager.

Come on, come on. Drew's right. We don't want to scare him off. Yeah, just be

yourselves. They'll love you.

Hello?

Eva, hey. The guys I'm talking about and the other models are real excited to

see you.

What?

No.

No, please no.

Well, it's not snowing over here.

this is to me. I even got a new toilet seat.

No, I don't know why I said that.

Oh, damn.

Tracy's already at the Warsaw.

Hey, that was the model. Yeah?

And, uh, they'll be here any minute.

But, uh, there's a lot more of them than I thought there were going to be, so

I'm just going to run around and get some more beer.

Parker, she's got big ones.

What happened, man?

Uh, car snowed in. I can't get out of the driveway.

So we're all trapped here, eh? Good thing the models are coming.

Yeah, because if they didn't, this can turn into the angriest, most violent

slumber party ever.

Yeah, well, it might be just a little while. Ed, why don't you play us a song?

Yeah, okay.

My car snowed in, but I swear I'll beat the Warsaw in ten minutes.

No, no, how hard can it be to walk eight blocks in four feet of snow when it's

below zero temperatures?

No, I'm not dumb. I can still feel my left arm.

Where the hell's the phone?

Maybe he's got like a novelty phone, man.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hi, this is Drew.

Hi, Drew.

Please leave a message after the beep.

Why, you called me.

Hi, Drew. It's Tracy.

I'm really sorry. We have to call off our date. The weather's so bad.

to Warsaw. We're all going to catch a ride home with the snowplow.

But will you call me later and let me know you got home, okay, sweetie?

Thanks. Bye.

That lying son of a... He did this whole thing just to get to Tracy. When he

comes home, I'm going to kill him. Oh, you think you're mad? When I heard you

canceled your date with Tracy, I made a date with her behind your back, and I

called it off because of this.

I'm sorry, buddy.

So are we going to kill him? No, no. This is a party.

We're going to dance with them.

Say no more.

You're confusing me.

Oh, sweet warmth. Thank God.

Oh, no mail yet.

You have to mail, Drew. You know, I just realized something. We're about to meet

all these beautiful women, and what do we have to offer them? I was meant to go

as high as $500.

They don't care about money. They got money.

But the one thing they do like, it doesn't cost a cent.

Hot -buttered Larry.

No, no, dancing.

Yeah, yeah, Oswald and I took these swing dancing lessons, and the women

it. And we got just enough time. If we hurry, we'll teach you a few steps, huh?

Everybody pick a partner.

Drew, you're mine.

Uh, you guys do that.

My neighbor's got a snowmobile. I'm gonna ride around the neighborhood

for dead people frozen in the snow. The models don't need to see that. Drew,

Drew. You're embarrassing me in front of my friends.

Larry?

An Englishman. That's almost a girl.

All right, everyone.

One hand goes up here, the other hand on the back, okay? And side, side, step,

step. Side, side, step, step. Maestro.

Baby, baby, it looks like it. Ow,

ow, ow, ow.

Watch it, Drew.

At the top of your toes, they're really digging into my heels.

You know, I wouldn't be doing this if we weren't stuck here for the night. Go

easy. I'm kind of a tomboy. Relax.

I know what I'm doing.

Oh, my God.

You're beautiful.

Oh, God, it's me.

Oh, cram it, Butch. You never look prettier.

All right, who's next?

My God, Mimi, I look like a drag queen.

I love it.

So what's next, girls?

How about truth or dare?

Oh, I love that game. I'll go first. Truth.

Okay. Did you ever, or have you ever wanted to...

Win a beauty contest. Look at you. You're stunning.

Somebody asked me a real question.

All right. I got one for you, you old bat. Why won't you hire me back? I did a

great job for you for two years, and if I suck up any harder, I'll inhale you.

I'll tell you why I won't hire you back.

You hurt my feelings.

What? I heard you talking about me on the sales floor louder.

The ice.

Queen who made me work on Christmas Eve.

Louder, the evil witch who docked me for the fluorescent light that fell on me

on Christmas Eve.

Louder, the old bag who winged me with her Lexus on Christmas Eve.

The only reason I insult people like that is because I saw how well it worked

for you.

What?

Yeah, by the time you were my age, you'd married a rich guy, taken over his

business, buried him under suspicious circumstances.

I think I'm really beginning to understand you. I tell you what, I'm

a new personal assistant. I'll give you a two -week tryout. What do you think?

Sure, great. I mean, I'm not on the street. I'd work for next to nothing.

to nothing it is.

Let's toast our new relationship with a drink. Why don't you get them? Mrs.

Louder, thank you so much. Now!

think you know about my date with Tracy.

Yeah, she called to say she was going home.

Yeah, we keep beating the crap out of you, but we don't want to get all hot

sweaty before the models get here.

You know, this is kind of private. Why don't we discuss this someplace where

can't catch me?

Let me go.

All right, all right.

Listen, I had to do something. You guys had Tracy booked up for the next 10

years. I should call Tracy right now and tell her what you did.

All right.

Why'd you do that?

Maybe I won't.

Wait,

wait, wait. It's a trick.

He's playing on our paranoia.

What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that?

I'll tell you what I mean by that. Who do you think she's going to be madder

The guy who was ready to leave a party full of models and brave the blizzard to

go have a date with her? Or the guys that canceled a date with her to be in a

party full of models?

Do I get to pick?

Shut up, you idiot. He's got us.

I'll tell you what. From now on, it's every man for himself. No more rules.

So anything going?

Anything.

Hey, it stops snowing. I'm going to go over to Tracy's.

What?

Suckers!

I'll call Tracey right now.

All right.

You ask for it.

Anything goes.

All right, everyone.

Slow dance.

Who was this old movie that was a trip to the zoo?

Those hippos? Yep.

That's disgusting.

Oh, that's sick. How can you even watch that?

Wait for it.

Whoa.