All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s04e16 Rats, Kates Dating A Wrestler

Uh, can I get the check here, please?

Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.

Huh. Hope I don't get what Kate has.
Every time the bill comes, she has to go

the bathroom.

Yeah, it's called unemployed bladder
syndrome.

You know, I don't mind helping out a
friend when things are tight, because

way she does it, that bugs me. I know.
When I'm low on money, I fake it

coronary.

You guys ready to go? Uh, no, the check
hasn't got here yet.

Oh, I forgot to wash my hands.

Guys, I've got to warn you. We just
found out we've got rats, so we're going

be closing in about 15 minutes. But the
chili's half -priced.

Half -priced? All right!

Did you hear the rest of that? Hey, all
I know is I've got 15 minutes to fill up

on half -priced chili.

Oh, look, a gerbil.

You going to have any chili, Drew? Oh,
no thanks. I filled up on a slice of

pizza I found in the pocket of a bum.

Hey, what's going on?

Warsaw's closed, and they found rats.

Dear sweet mother of God.

What's the matter?

What?

Why does something always have to be the
matter when I happen to mention the

dear sweet mother of God?

Okay, look, here's the story.

I've been keeping some rats from drug co
upstairs in the apartment and they got

out of their cage. Looks like they found
their way down here.

Footnote, they're super intelligent.

Annoyed response.

What the hell are you talking about?

These rats are smart. The only thing
that could catch them is a super

intelligent cat, and we're years away
from that.

That's where the rats could be.

Who ordered the four cheese pizza?

Oh, thank God.

Oh, I didn't think it was rats. I was
just shocked by the news that someone

invented a fourth cheese.

How did these rats escape?

Well, one of them seemed to be choking.

Heard a squeak, so I opened up the cage
to help.

Well, the lights went out. I got hit in
the head with something heavy, and next

thing I know, I woke up tied to a block
of cheese.

Have a buzz beer, please.

You know, if this place closes down,
it's going to be the last time we hear

that.

Even if it closes just for a couple of
weeks, we've had it. I mean, we sell all

of our beer here.

We can't let Buzz Beer die.

We worked too hard for this.

I put my blood, sweat, and tears into
this beer.

And then that one button at one time.

Hey, Kate, bad news. Looks like we're
going to have to close down Buzz Beer.

Really? Maybe it's time. I mean, we have
been losing money.

Paid the check yet?

No.

Close down Buzz Beer?

say buzz beer? Well, I can't think in
quiet places, Drew. You see, the way my

brain works, it only works if it has
some kind of a stimulation.

Oh, no thanks. I'm pregnant.

Anyone need another beer? Oh, yeah.

Well, you know, they say wrestling's
fake, but somebody sure messed that guy

Oh, hey, Mimi.

bottles in here, somebody will get hurt.
There's a reason we have rules, mister.

Oh.

This Linarian is strict.

And you, you're pregnant.

What are you doing drinking in your
condition?

How do you think I got in this
condition?

Did you see the jumbotron? They had a
picture of him.

That's a lot of free advertising.

Well, not exactly free. We did get a
stern lecture.

You know, if we could get a guy like
that to endorse Buzz Beer, we'll be

under. We could never afford a guy like
that.

Well, I don't know. Isn't he the same
guy who took our tickets when we came

Yeah, you know, this could work.

This could be the guy to save our
business.

I have kind of a business proposition
for you.

Is this a bad time?

Now, Jonathan, before you go, you're
fired for not coming in all week.

But I'm here all week.

Well, I'm talking about next week. But
why would you come in? Because you're

fired.

Oh, look, Mr. Wick.

You just fired your 100th person.

Thank you, Mimi. I'd like to thank all
of you who have made this possible,

whatever that soup line may be.

Drew, Drew, Drew, take a picture.

Okay.

Say, God forgive me.

Great. Now, you're the one where you
pretend you're strangling me.

Congratulations, Johnson.

Now, get out.

Hey. Hey. Hey, Drew, the
disciplinarian's on his way out. Some

spritzed him, and he's got him in a
headlock.

Okay, now, we've got $2 ,000 to offer
him, but we're going to start low and

up from there. Anybody find out what his
real name is? Yes, it's Carol

Morgenstern.

Carol.

That's a girl's name.

Oh, sorry, Drew.

Oh, my God.

It's the disciplinarian.

I always was wondering this. When you
were in that fight with the hammerlock

he had you in the hammerlock, I mean,
why didn't you just blind him?

Because I would go to jail.

Oh.

Hey, it's almost 6 o 'clock. Shouldn't
your mommy be picking you up from

daycare?

Hello, Mr. Darien. Hey, Mr.

Disciplinarian. Oh, you smell nice.

This is, uh...

Oswald and Lewis, I see you've already
met the ultimate punishment.

Thanks for coming by. We would have met
in our corporate headquarters, but it's

my garage, and I've been having a little
trouble with black widows.

Spider.

My manager tells me you're interested in
me being a spokesman for your beer.

What would I have to do?

Oh, well, we'd want you to wear buzz
beer T -shirts and we'll drink a beer

you're on camera. Oh, and if you happen
to save a child from a burning building,

maybe you're holding a buzz beer in the
other hand.

I mean, and you want to try it. I mean,
we know you're a man of principle and

you wouldn't endorse something you don't
like.

Although we're sure that's not a hard
and fast rule with you.

No, no, the stuff's great. It's just
that I have to rest for a couple of

I wouldn't want to numb my senses with
the effects of alcohol.

Well, I don't know. My old man always
said the day I can't do my job drunk is

the day I turn in my badging gun.

Well, we're glad that you like our beer,
and we're big fans of yours. So, in

exchange for your services, we're
prepared to offer you the sum of $100.

Cash?

Oswald, I think we can go a little
higher than that. Oh, yeah, we said we

go all the way to $2 ,000, but you said
to start lower.

Okay, we can offer you $2 ,000, but more
importantly, the chance to keep our

dream alive.

How about I keep your dream alive, and
you pay me five cents on every can you

sell?

All right.

Five cents on every can.

And bottle.

Damn, I knew I shouldn't use that sly
voice. Okay.

All right, we got our own spokesman. He
has to say whatever we tell him to.

Hey, see, I got something on my butt.

You're kind of an idiot, aren't you?

We're gonna need some cue cards for this
guy.

I'm gonna snap his neck.

I'm gonna rip his head off.

I'm gonna pull out his spine and drink
his blood.

And to wash down that blood.

I'm going to drink a nice, cold buzz
beer.

Hey, he didn't spit it out. Yeah, I bet
that's going to help us sell another

couple hundred bottles of buzz beer.

I love this guy. He's going to make us
rich. Yep, and when he does, I'm going

walk right into him with her louder and
tell him to take this job and shove it.

Right after the appropriate two weeks,
during which I will train my

I wish we could be celebrating at the
Warsaw. Do you think it's ever going to

open up again?

All the exterminators have given up. But
later tonight, you and I are going to

go down there and kick some intelligent
rat's butt.

Oh, good, because I'm tired of them
always finishing my crossword puzzle.

Hi, guys. Look who's here.

How can I take me your last fight? Gosh,
it was great.

Hey, listen, I have a question for you.
You got a great body on you. How can I

get mine like yours?

Strict diet and constant exercise.

Okay, forget that. How long does it take
me... How long will it take me to get

my hair that long?

Get me a beer, would you? Sure.

I took the disciplinarian out shopping
to pick out clothes for tomorrow.

Oh? What are you doing tomorrow?

I'm going to my brother -in -law's
funeral.

Oh, hey, great. Would you mind wearing
this buzz beer hat?

Well, he did like the drink.

I got to get going.

I'll see you guys.

Thanks, Kate. Dinner tonight, right? You
bet, Ted.

Nice guy, isn't he?

What's going on here, Kate?

Just what happened.

it's not great. I don't think it's a
good idea for you to be dating somebody

we're in business with or anyone whose
first name is The.

Well, fortunately, who I date is none of
your business.

No, it literally is my business and if
things between you two don't work out,

that's exactly what I'm going to lose.

Well, excuse me, it could work out. You
don't know.

All I know is if it walks like a duck
and talks like a duck, chances are you

dated it and it ended badly.

Talks like a girl and talks like a girl.
Chances are you asked her out and she

said no.

They know how to say no.

Yeah, like you say no to a donut.

I would have thought that beer would
make people fight.

Sure you want to do that?

I can't stand that damn squeaking all
night long.

Well, I won't be able to stop the
squeaking until those rats are out of

I started it. I'm going to finish it.
Right, okay.

James?

Charles, you in there?

Hey,

cut it out.

What? Stepping on my foot.

I didn't step on anything.

Yeah, right. Well, then who did?

Don't you see what they're doing?

They're trying to turn us against each
other.

Lewis, maybe they are too smart for us.
No, no. They may be book smart, but

we're street smart. Right.

Nothing. Nothing.

Hey, look.

Somebody had left an ice cold beer on
the bar.

Uh -oh.

What?

Oh, my hand's stuck to the beer and the
beer's stuck to the bar.

God, they must have used the sticky
stuff from the glue traps.

Sorry, buddy, every man for himself.

I mean, together to the end, huh?

Don't worry, we'll be okay.

I can't believe we're gonna die like
this.

I love you, buddy.

I love you, too.

Oh, man, we better die now.

We sat there in the dark for about 20
minutes before we realized they didn't

want to kill us. They just wanted to
humiliate us.

So the moral of the story is, you're
dumber than mice.

Rats.

Doesn't matter.

Look, I'm tired of waiting for Kate. I
think we should start the meeting.

All in favor?

All opposed?

So the meeting begins.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, please.

Now,

I balanced all the books for the month.

Now, if we subtract our costs from our
revenue, Buzz Beer is only in the red

box. Oh, my God.

It's never happened before. Does anybody
have a black pen?

No. You could buy one.

That would put us back in the red.

Those are for on your own time.

Kate's been taking me around the bars
pushing Buzz Beer.

Oh. Yo, Kate Champ, you look a little
wobbly.

Wobbly. That's a funny word.

Hey, he's drunk.

Well, it is a funny word when you think
about it.

Wobbly.

Wobbly, wobbly, wobbly, wobbly, wobbly.

What's with the belt, Elvis?

I wanted off him last night. How do I
look?

Like a cigar.

You know, you missed the shareholders
meeting.

Hey, I'm first of them all opening now.

You missed the mall opening?

It was an accident. We were drunk.

Okay, I've seen enough.

You've got to stop dating him, Kate.

You're messing up the company. It's not
fair to us.

You're our princess.

You can do better, whatever you need to
hear.

Oh, please, don't blame it on me. I'm
not the one working him to the bone.

Are you sure you want to use that
phrase, Kate? Okay,

the only way to settle this is to...
take a vote.

Who thinks we should stop pushing the
disc so hard and pace ourselves a

Well, she makes a good point.

All opposed?

A tie.

Great. We get to take another vote. And
remember, this could be our last chance

to make it big.

And remember, he's our employee and our
friend. Now, who's with me?

Hey.

She makes a good argument.

Well, so does he.

You're right. I'd switch my vote. Me
too.

Who says I blow my brains out?

Hey, hey, hey, come on, come on. Look at
us.

We get a little successful when we're at
each other's throats. Come on.

Isn't our friendship worth more than
money?

It's a good speech.

I think I'll change my vote. Me too.

So two days and no rats, huh? Yeah.

I walked in one night.

And they all walked out as if they'd
realized that there was more to life

just hanging out in the bar.

There goes your super -intelligent rat
theory.

We got our bar back, huh?

Is the disciplinarian here yet?

No. I guess you could get up there. You
wrestle with your pants every morning.

Hey, the rats didn't leave. They just
formed a pyramid, and whoever's on top

to wear eye shadow.

Well, they better be here soon, because
I know how to make a crowd grow ugly.

Oh, God, that was a close one.

Wow, what a crowd. I didn't expect this
good a turnout.

Mr. Wick, what are you doing here?

I'm here to see the disciplinarian.

I've been a very bad boy.

Mr. Wick, the disciplinarian is a
wrestler and a man.

Oh, good God, that could have been
embarrassing.

Hey,

guys. Hey.

So, uh... Where you been? Where is he?
Is he gonna make some big entrance or

something? Yeah, there's such showmen.
You know, fireworks, elephants.

How should I know? I'm not his keeper.

Yes, you are. Literally, you said that
yesterday. I'm his keeper. Now, where is

he?

I screwed up, Drew.

I screwed up big time.

I found out he never gambled in his
life.

And I thought, that's not right.

So I took him to Atlantic City.

Six hours later, he's down $20 ,000, and
I'm thinking, that's not right either.

And then... And then?

He lost $20 ,000, there's an and then?

Anyway, and then he got in a fight, and
then we got in a fight, and the upshot

is, you were right, Drew. Business and
pleasure, not good. Drew won, Kate,

nothing. And remember, nobody can be
tougher on me than me.

Let's give that a shot.

Hey, look, Drew, the disciplinarian.

Where? Is he here? No, even better, he's
on the news.

A lot of you have heard different
stories about what happened to me.

I was arrested for wrestling naked with
Hercules.

Turns out it was a statue at Caesar's
Palace and I was drunk.

You see this belt?

78 straight victories.

You see this beer?

It kicked my ass.

Kids, buzz beer isn't for you.

Don't start drinking buzz beer, because
if you do, you'll keep drinking buzz

beer. And the next thing you know,
you're in the back of a limo with some

woman on your way to Atlantic City for a
crazy weekend.

Oh, yeah.

And stay in school, or I'll have to come
and discipline you.

I can't believe what I'm hearing.

You rode in a limousine?

I'm really, really, really sorry, Drew.

Come here, Kate.

Kate, Kate.

Remember, if you have to run away, he
has a hard time taking corners.

Drew, I really am sorry, and this time I
really mean it.

It's really fucked, Kate.

You gonna be okay?

What?

I mean, you know, you just got dumped
again, and on TV.

I just feel terrible for you, poor
thing.

I don't know what you're doing, Drew. By
being nice, you're just making it

worse. Oh, I know what I'm doing. You
need a hug?

Okay. I deserve that. But it ticked me
off when you said none of my

relationships work out.

Oh, hey, it's not like any of mine work
out either. Right, honey?

True,

we're going to need some more buzz here.
There's a run on it. Everyone wants to

try the beer that could actually kick
the ass of the disciplinarian.

Hey, we're back in business.

Now nobody can say we're bad
businessmen. Free beer for everyone!

I'm going to sleep good tonight. I don't
know. No, they weren't all bad. They

did turn me on to Rimsky -Korsakov.

You know, I'm sick of this talk, you
know?

They may have seemed super intelligent
to the two of you, but to the rest of

they were just... Hey,

they were geniuses. Give me a break.

Maybe he's right. I mean, maybe they
weren't so smart after all.

Yes, Master.

The humans suspect nothing.

Yes, they are drinking the serum.

Thank you.