Original subtitles

Hey, it's beginning to look a lot like Gugly.

No, I wasn't talking to you. Just, uh... Just follow me and let me know if you

see him, okay?

Hey, have you seen Tommy Newman? He's late for our meeting.

Do you have a meeting with little Tommy Newman from the mailroom?

Well, I hope you two titans of industry don't get into some kind of power

struggle that brings the company down.

Hey, you know what? I may not be the highest guy on the corporate ladder, but

I'll always be on top of you.

Hey, Larry, have you seen Tommy Newman? He's in the Winfrey Lauder mentor

program. He's late for our weekly meeting.

You're his mentor?

So it's not really a role model thing. It's more like scared straight.

Larry, hold on a second. I've got something on my teeth.

It's just on my vacation request.

Old Lady Louder wants me to take her to Miami for Christmas.

Of course, my real request would be for someone to blow my brains out, but hey,

I'll get the fear in a bikini.

Baby, I need your help. We need someone to take care of the holiday window

display. And since you are a holiday window display, I thought I'd ask you.

You mean it?

Oh, you made the right choice, Jeremy.

Anyone could dress like a Christmas tree, but how...

if you were standing on a bucket of water.

Yeah, but she'd be electrocuted.

That's a good one.

Hey, memes, why don't you let me do a window? That could be a living display.

Santa unwrapping his package, you know, for the ladies.

Larry, Christmas is the most magical time of the year. You're not going to

it. I think you misunderstood my artistic vision when I said unwrap my

I meant expose myself.

You were looking for me, Drew? Yeah, Tommy, hey, and listen.

In business, you shouldn't make people look for you. You should make them look

up to you.

You gonna write that down?

No, doesn't make any sense.

Oh, hold on. Hey, you shouldn't talk back to a manager like that. You could

in a lot of trouble.

Remember, when you give lip to your boss, it's always your... Rhymes with

Boss.

Always your loss.

They made these in the rhymes to make them fun for you.

Drew, stop.

I wanted to break it to you more gently, but...

I'm your boss now.

What, what? Yeah, I was delivering some mail to Mrs. Louder, and I mentioned

some of those ideas of mine you shot down. She loved them, and, well, now I'm

the youngest exec in the history of the store.

Do you want your mentor notebook back?

For the fourth time this year?

Yes, I do.

See you around, Joe.

See you, Tommy.

Actually, I prefer Mr.

Newman.

Well, come on, I'm old enough to be your father.

Mr. Newman.

Boy, don't you hate that little snot.

Ah, he's okay.

Come on, admit it. He's a little snot.

Well, maybe.

Mr. Newman!

I can't believe we know someone who's going out for their master's degree.

Hey, does this mean we have to call him master?

Hey, uh, Drew, do us a favor. Will you walk over there?

New corduroy's?

Why do you ask?

I mean, working all day, going to school all night, something's going to suffer,

and I'm afraid it's going to be the drinking.

Actually, I've got a little bit more to get in a degree. I'm sick of every Tom,

Dick, and Mr. Newman passing me by.

No way top management can ignore me now.

Hi. Is this seat taken? No.

I'm Drew. I'm Ellen.

Boy, it's weird to be back at school yet, isn't it?

It's just been a semester for me. What about you?

Oh, I took some time off to see the world, you know, work in a department

for 13 years.

13 years? How old are you?

Well, you've got to keep in mind that I started school when I was like five.

Oh, I'm glad I came back while I still fit in.

Oh, did I mention I used to be in a rock and roll band?

Really?

There's another old person here.

Drew,

nice to meet you.

Good evening.

I'm Professor Stan.

Welcome to Statistics and Decision Modeling. Now, what is a statistic?

Well, for example, every year, 3 % of the students in this class are here

because they thought this was a course in modeling.

You may leave now.

Thank you. Now, I find it most effective when you work in teams.

So if everybody wants to pick their study partner for the semester right

can begin our first lesson.

Hey, how about it, partner?

Well, I had my eye on the model.

So I guess it's just me and you.

Yeah, looks like it's just me and, uh... Me and...

You.

What took you so long?

Think someone was holding a sandwich?

Yeah.

Okay, let's count heads.

All right, separate here.

Joseph here.

Wise man one.

Wise man two.

Where's wise man three? Locked his keys in his car.

Bad news, Mimi.

Do you hear what I hear?

The board of directors have ruled that if employees are in living displays,

they're no longer on the clock and they won't be paid.

Hey,

you know what?

I'm doing this anyway.

Just to see the glow in the little kids' faces as they... I can't even finish

it.

You know what? You work for no money. I got a flask. Anyone interested, meet me

in the men's room.

Wait.

Doesn't anyone know what the real meaning of Christmas is?

It's not about money.

It's about the celebration of the holiest time of the year.

Come on, a few of us can do this.

You could be Joseph and...

wise man. Who's going to be married?

I will.

You know what? I would have never thought of you to play that part, but it

actually kind of fits.

What?

What's the difference between a median and a mode?

Well, if we were studying this while we were driving, the median is what I would

drive over to end my life.

Mode is that Allah stuff they put on top of ice cream.

I think somebody needs a study break.

You know what I could go for? You got any beer in the house?

Oh, are you serious?

Actually, I have a brewery in the garage.

Haven't you ever heard of Buzz Beer? No.

Yeah, it's a combination of coffee and beer.

What's the matter?

Couldn't figure out a way to get tobacco in it?

Hmm.

Not bad.

You must be quite the catch.

You've got this big house, you've got your own business.

Yeah, believe me, there hasn't been a woman in town I haven't made that

to.

You're a good -looking man.

You remind me of a young John Glenn.

Oh, well, thanks for the young.

You know, I've been wondering, how come you're in night school anyway?

I want to start a travel agency.

I like the idea of sending people on little adventures.

Something nice about not knowing what's going to happen next.

Ah!

Didn't see that coming, did you?

Hey, you know, this is fun. Why don't we knock off and go watch some TV or

something? Oh, I'd love to, but actually it's kind of late. I've got to go.

Oh, sure.

See you in class on Monday?

Yeah.

Hey, it's starting to snow. You going to be okay driving home by yourself?

Oh, I'll be just fine.

The secret is driving really fast.

It's cold out here.

Baby, it's cold outside.

Oh, I love that song.

I really can't stay. Baby, it's cold outside.

I gotta go away. Baby, it's cold outside.

This evening has been hoping that you'd drop in. So very nice.

I'll hold your hands. They're just like ice.

Thank you for the R.

He says it doesn't say jam, it says Jamaica.

Hey, Jeff.

Two plates, two glasses.

Wait a minute, I see what's going on here.

You ate breakfast, changed chairs, ate another breakfast.

What's this, lipstick?

Yeah, I wear lipstick and I eat a lot. Get out.

Guys, maybe Drew doesn't want to talk about this.

So why don't we all keep badgering him?

Who is it? Who is it? Okay, listen, you don't have to badger me. I got nothing

to be ashamed of, all right? My study partner stayed over last night. Just

a couple minutes ago.

Ooh.

So was it a woman?

Yes. Her name is Celia.

Oh, Drew's dating a co -ed.

Sounds like he's robbing the...

Actually, she's 62.

What?

Oh, my God. He's robbing the craftmatic adjustable bed.

Are you serious, Drew? You slept with a 62 -year -old woman? For your

information, we didn't sleep together, okay? We just stayed up all night.

Talking and stuff.

Stuff?

Drew, did you see giant underpants?

We were just kissing, okay?

Besides, you don't even know her.

She's warm, she's cuddly, she's sexy. She's everything I want in a woman.

Who cares if she's 62?

I don't know.

Buses, movie theaters?

I don't want you to get hurt. Old people like you one day, and the next day it's

like you never even met.

I mean, literally, they don't recognize you.

I can't believe how narrow -minded you people are.

Just get used to it, because this is just the beginning.

Ah, hey, Celia. I know your machine says make a short message, but I just want

to tell you I had a great time last night.

And I was wondering if you're free for dinner tomorrow. Just call me and tell

what time would be good for you.

4 .30.

Call me and leave me a message. Bye.

Well, at least one of us is going to have a date this weekend.

Assuming she gets the message.

My grandma still can't work her machine.

Sorry, the seat's taken.

No saving.

My girlfriend's going to sit there.

Well, if your girlfriend's my ass, she made it.

From time to time, I will be showing you videotaped lectures from various

renowned statisticians and mathematicians.

It gives you the advantage of learning from the best and me a chance to go

a smoke in my Datsun B210 and think about all that the world of math has

me.

Enjoy.

Hey, Celia. Hi.

Hi, Drew.

Hey, did you get my messages?

Yeah. Sorry I didn't get back to you. I got really busy.

Hey, uh, you want to go out on Friday?

I can't, Drew. I played bingo that night.

Well, how about Saturday?

You don't take no for an answer, do you? It's my style.

When you can't dazzle, you wear down.

Hang it up, boys.

You're not getting in the ground with a candy dish.

Watch it, buddy, before I kick you in the girlfriend.

Why don't we talk about this when we study together?

About that, Drew. Oh, I know that tone.

You don't even want to study with me anymore either?

I'm sorry, Drew.

Hey,

if you're not seeing anybody, my grandma's a widow.

I haven't actually seen the window display, but I can assure you that Mimi

never do anything to purposely offend you. Mother of God!

And there she is, the Mother of God.

Mimi, these fine Winfred Lauder gold cardholders are considering boycotting

store over your portrayal of Mary.

Oh, yeah? Why?

Well, in a Renaissance painting, the figure of Mary is typically represented

by... Oh, for God's sake, you look like a drag queen!

I certainly don't want to cause any trouble during the holidays.

But before I hang up my robe, I want to speak my piece. Splendid idea, Mimi. But

first, let's bid goodbye to our fine guest.

No. I want them to hear this.

First of all, I think that Mary was a very beautiful woman.

I mean, she had to have been.

That's what made this whole virgin angle such a big story.

You know, ugly virgin, no big deal. Beautiful virgin, still talking about it

,000 years later.

Who wants money?

I'm not done.

Now, this is the makeup that I wear every day of the year to make me more

beautiful. Why would I wear any less makeup when I'm portraying the most

virtuous, pure -hearted woman that ever lived?

And if you close my dead son... Maybe!

And now I'd like to invite you all to join us in the manger.

Yeah, we're going to be singing carols and drinking cider, and the wise men are

bearing gifts. Today it's a land called...

Hey, how's it going?

Great. Mrs. Lowder let me buy her a bathing suit for our trip.

I actually found one with sleeves.

Yeah, listen, you've been dating Mrs. Lowder for what, a year now?

As far as I like to think of it, one percent of her life.

Anybody else in the world I could talk to about this, but, uh, have a seat.

uh, I met this older woman.

Hey, you found one, too.

What's yours worth?

Well, she's not rich.

Oh. So what does she got on you?

Nothing.

Well, is she like a genie or something?

Look, just forget it. She's not too keen on me right now anyway.

Keen? Hey, you're picking up the lingo.

If I crack you, that took me a month of Sundays.

So, uh, you must be serious.

All right, it's like this.

Older women are different than younger women in hookers.

Here's what they like.

Short, flat walks at sunset.

Love letters in large print.

And for some reason, matching sweatsuits.

But everybody loves those things.

You don't get it, Carrie. It's romance.

You need a grand gesture, okay? Like when I was courting Fran, I recited Ode

a Grecian Urn on her front lawn, naked, with a rose delicately nestled in

nature's vase.

I hope we jam some aspirin up there. It makes them last longer.

I -28.

I tell you, my hat's off to you, Celia. I could never spend my nights in some

classroom. I'm more of a thrill seeker.

B -11.

Chicken legs.

Hey, look who's here. It's Celia. How you doing?

Drew, what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm just going where the night takes me, you know. O -61.

I thought you understood that I didn't want to see you. Yeah, you told me that,

but I still don't understand it.

Because people are going to talk. I wish some people would stop talking.

Hey, what's the prize if you win this anyway?

Twenty bucks.

Here, mind your own business.

This isn't what you think it is. It's just a schoolboy crush.

How do you know what it could be if you don't give it a chance?

You can't ignore the age difference.

The moment's going to come, somebody's going to make a comment, and I'm going

see that look in your face that you're embarrassed to be with me.

Embarrassed? You think I'd be embarrassed?

Let me show you how embarrassed I am.

Truthy, you better start the car.

And 33.

Hey, uh, can I use your microphone? It's kind of important.

No.

What kind of car do you drive?

Green Pontiac. Oh, I think you left your lights on.

Oh, my God.

I, 22.

I, 22 years younger than you, Celia, but I okay with that.

G, 46.

G, 46 seconds ago, I was hoping to pick out B4, so I could say, before I met

you, Celia, I didn't know what I was missing, and I don't care who knows it.

B4. Oh, great, now.

Are you serious?

No, I just want you to stop.

Look, I know I'm making a scene, but you gotta admit, it's kind of fun, isn't

it?

Maybe, just a little.

See, that's what dating me is going to be like.

It'll be embarrassing, but you'll kind of like it.

I gotta hand it to you, Drew.

You haven't dazzled me, but you really wore me down.

I'm not surprised.

You're not the first woman to eventually say, what the hell.

B -14