All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s03e26 From The Earth To The Moon

Don't move, Drew. You've got a bug on
the back of your head.

Ow!

Oh, sorry. What I meant was the back of
his head bugged me.

Hello?

Oh, Mrs.

Louder.

Yeah.

Oh, an important promotion.

Oh, thank God. I wasn't going to tell
you this, but I'm so far in debt, I was

thinking of hanging myself.

Oh, you want to talk to Kerry?

Yeah.

Yes, ma 'am. Carrie, the corporate
bigwigs in Amsterdam have decided to

Winfred Lauder's stores in Europe and
the Far East.

We think you're the man to oversee
staffing.

Wow, it's great.

You know, it makes sense, though,
because my people skills transcend

barriers, and I'm all up to date on the
concept of multinational diversity.

Yeah, that's it.

I'm glad you said that because there's
some people around here that think all

the decisions are made at random.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Now, if you're serious about this
promotion, get up here right away before

change my mind. I'm on my way.

I got a promotion.

I finally got a promotion.

Hey, let me out of here.

Hit the unlock, pig.

Your window's open here. Use the key and
unlock the door from over there. Okay.

Almost got it.

Can you climb out?

Dream on. I'm wearing a short skirt.

Oh, well, this is an emergency. I'll
give you a hand. No, no, no.

See, my dates do this a thousand times.

Oh, crud. Steer bag exploded.

Can we call Michael Lowder?

No. Like, she's going to send me
overseas if I can't even get out of my

Hey, hey, hey, hey. You call that a
parking job?

Straighten that thing out. You know, I'm
kind of in a hurry right now. I'll get

it later on. Hey, you got a problem with
authority, don't you, buddy?

Listen, you're a parking attendant. What
do you do, make my car stay after work?

No.

It's not going to tell you to watch out
for that oil slick.

All this energy calling me.

Back where it comes from.

It's such a crude attitude.

It's back where it belongs.

All the little chicks with the crimson
lips go Cleveland Rock, Cleveland Rock.

Living in sin with a safety pin gone
clean.

Well, do you want me to call Mrs.
Plowder now?

No. Let them wait for a change. They
need me.

Besides, what good does rushing do you?

It's like showing up early for a date.
You're standing there, the window's

you hear her mother yapping. Oh, I don't
want you going out with him. He's a

loser. Oh, my God, he's hiding in the
bushes.

Well, I think this promotion is going to
change your life.

You're not going to be the loser
anymore. You're going to be the

hiding in the bushes.

Oh, hey, can I get a hand for me? I need
a shirt and a jacket here.

Mr. Carey.

You hired me yesterday and now you're
testing me, aren't you?

No. Listen, this isn't a test.

Relax. Calm down. All you got to do is
just bring these up and I'll be on my

way. No pressure.

Or else I fail the test and I'm fired.

I hear you.

I should just warn you that I don't
respond well to...

I'm sorry, sir. You only get the
umbrella when you buy the cologne, not

aftershave. Never mind. I'll get it
myself.

Security! Help!

You want an umbrella for free?

Bend over!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Wow, you're a lot bigger than he looked
across the room.

Stay out of this, little man.

Yeah, well, first of all, thank you. And
second of all, let's all just calm

down, take a deep breath.

and realized that Kate's already
involved in three -story lawsuits.

Oh, tell me something.

Do you ever have a right time of the
month?

That's it.

It's go time.

All right, buddy, calm down.

Hey, I just paid for this.

There.

True.

so brave the way you ripped that guy's
shirt while he was holding his arms.

I kept my eyes open and everything.

Mr. Carey, I'm really sorry. Let's just
pretend that didn't happen.

So, I will run your charge card through
and you'll be on your way. Okay. Add

another shirt to that, okay?

Uh -oh.

What? Uh -oh.

I've just overcharged you a little for
the shirt.

$3 ,000?

Look, just avoid it and run back
through.

I don't know how to avoid it.

Look, why don't you just pay your bill
when you get it, and then they'll

reimburse you in a couple weeks.

Six months top.

Six months? Are you crazy? Stop yelling
at me!

We are still waiting for you in the
boardroom.

Hold your horses, will you?

Holy crap.

Gangway, gangway.

Hold the elevator.

Show up with the board again, huh,
Carrie?

No. As a matter of fact, I'm getting a
promotion today.

Really?

That's great, man. It's my time. You
deserve it.

Yeah, but I don't want to talk about it
with kids.

Don't want to jinx it.

Hey, they're calling you up. There's
nothing we can lose now.

Nothing but blue skies ahead.

Not even the guys above with their so
-called...

powers can, you know... You

happy?

You think I wanted this to happen? I was
on my way to the bathroom. I drained

this triple grande latte about 20
minutes ago.

Hello? Oh, yeah, thank God you're there.
Yeah, we're trapped in the elevator.

What? An hour to two hours?

Hey, listen, I...

I have to get to the boardroom, but
there's nothing you can do to help me.

Carrie. Let me handle this.

Look, pinhead, put the sandwich down,
turn off the Jerry Springer, and get

overpaid lazy butt up.

Yeah, I'm up.

Let's feel great. Hey, now, let's find
the guy that cuts our paychecks. We'll

make fun of his religion.

Got more bad news, Carrie.

I'm not dancing because I'm happy.

I'm not backing up so I can enjoy the
view.

I hate this feeling. It's like the
pressure's building and I can feel it

it's going to burst out of my body. I
feel my bladder getting bigger.

Pushing and pushing. Just stop it!

I had a long drive in.

Hey, man, we can't wait two hours, okay?
We've got to do it right here. We're

trapped in the elevator. People will
understand. No, no, we can wait. We can

wait.

How long's it been? Not two hours.

Give me the cup. No, it's my cup.

Give me your shoe. Use your own shoe.

I'll sell you the cup. Ten bucks.

Fifteen.

Hey, look, Terry, we're on camera.

Oh, geez.

Well, the big surprise is he does it
standing up.

Boy, when you hold it that long, it's
almost as good as sex.

Hey, Drew, we're looking for you.

Hey, I don't have time to talk now, but
big party at my house later to celebrate

my promotion.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I gotta
talk to you now. Look, I just had a

recovered memory, and you're the only
one that can tell me if it's true.

Well, can I wait?

No, no, true. If the memory is true, my
entire life is a lie.

Well, a lie's better than what you got.
Go with the lie.

Hey, hey, Drew!

Come on now. We're all making sacrifices
here. Louis risked his job by being

here, and I'm supposed to be parked
behind the Walmart napping right now.

All right, just hurry up. Okay.

Okay.

We're little kids.

We're in my basement, and we're playing
kerplunk.

I've beaten you four out of six games.
No, five out of six games.

Okay, you won the first game. Okay, yes,
I remember.

It was horrible. And yet we survived it.
We must never speak of this again.

No, no, no.

Anyway,

my mother comes downstairs and she calls
me Aaron.

Why Aaron?

Okay, my thinking is that I used to have
a twin.

His name was Louis.

Times are tough. They need the money. So
they sell him to a barren Norwegian

couple. Why?

Tall, fair, and lanky, huh?

Now, the rest of this story is just
speculation.

To cover their tracks, they named me
Lewis.

And since I was six, I was forced to
live the life he would have lived

of the life I should have lived, which
was that of a dashing bodybuilding

scientist. Now, Poole, you hold the key.

Look, your name's not Aaron, okay?

It's Lewis.

It never was. You never were a twin. It
never happened.

Oh, okay, you're probably right.

He's in on the cover -up the government
must have got to him.

So he's a robot, too.

We'll conduct tests when he's sleeping.

Right.

Bye.

Hey,

hey, what are you doing? Get that out of
here.

No way, man. We just hauled this down
for flights. We're taking a break.

Listen, the elevator's broken.

I got a important meeting to get to.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

You know, I got a real important meeting
to get to, too.

See, my back's got to meet this wall
while I enjoy a cool, mentholated smoke.

Attention, Drew Carey.

The promotion train is leaving in ten
minutes with or without you. You have

minutes, that is all.

You know, what are my heroes?

Henry Clay, the great compromiser, he
would sit here and try to reason this

with you.

My other hero, Godzilla, would do this.

Run!

Carrie,

you have seven minutes to get up here.
That's the skinny number between six and

eight. Drew, got a minute?

Oh, yeah.

I forgot to ask you out so you could
turn me down today. Want to go out? No?

Okay, bye.

Actually, I might.

Oh, man. Today?

Yeah, yeah. Just broke up with my
boyfriend and kind of lonely.

I'm back.

But I got to go. But I want to go out
with you. Can I call you later?

No, I'm going home early.

Just want to crawl in bed with a good
book or something.

You want to come home with me?

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

But I can't.

Are you crying?

A little bit.

When did men become women?

72. David Bowie, Ziggy Stardust. That's
when, baby.

Mr. Carey, you've got five minutes to
get your butt up here. The rest of you,

please enjoy your shopping.

Prince Drew, what's taking you so long?

Men's room gets stuck between floors?

Hey, thanks for the pep talk, eraser
head.

You know, you want to do yourself a
favor? Go to the top drawer and start

filling out the paperwork so you can
take over my cubicle after I leave. You

don't have to tell me twice.

Mr. Wick, can I wait? I have to see Mrs.
Lowry. Who are we fooling, Carey? You

don't want this job.

What are you talking about?

Fear of success, Carey. Although
statistically speaking, you should be

frightened of dinosaurs coming back to
eat you.

I'm not afraid of success, all right?
Success is afraid of me.

I think you're afraid that when you
finally achieve success, you won't be

And then all those years of scratching
and clawing will have been for naught.

Crazy.

It takes two minutes to get from the
garage to the boardroom. It's been 15

minutes, and you're still not there.

Yeah, but I had a stop.

I had reasons. I had to help people. I
had to!

Everything's a choice, Carey.

Think about it.

Ha!

beyond our wildest dreams.

How did you find the Far East?

Well, I went far, then I turned east.

No, but seriously.

Mrs. Lowder, I've brought you strange
and wonderful things from faraway

This lustrous fabric is made by worms.

I call it silk.

It's my new wife, Pamela Lee. Oh.

Drew, thanks to you, Winfred Lauder is
having the best year ever.

And we would like to offer this to you
as a little token of our appreciation.

Wow!

Hey, I'm going to give this money back
to Cleveland.

I'm buying the Browns. Hey!

And I'm going to be the quarterback.

Oh, yeah.

Fine. I'm not afraid of success.

I'd love it.

Oh, did I say you were afraid of
success? I'm sorry. I meant to say I'm

of your success.

That's why I made you waste another two
minutes of your time.

On my way, Mimi.

Mrs. Lauder's waiting for me in there.

I don't think so, pig.

You made me look bad in front of Mr.
Wick.

Listen, I'm going in that boardroom.
Now, you can either bring part of the

solution or part of the doorframe.

Choose.

49, 48, 40. Oh, you know what? I'm tired
of this whole thing. Who wants the job?

It's yours.

I made it.

I made it. I made it with 15 seconds to
spare.

Oh,

you're not supposed to feel your heart
jiggle, are you?

I'm sorry. Hurry, Carrie. I gave the job
away. I'm not as patient a woman as I

used to be. Better luck next time.

Wait a second.

Wait a second. You told me that if I got
here in 10 minutes, I'd get the job. I

got here in 9 minutes and 45 seconds.

And I gotta tell you, I don't like the
look of that bingo wheel either.

9 minutes, 45 seconds, 10 minutes.
What's the difference?

I've got plastic hips, and I could have
made it faster than that.

Yeah, but I made it, see?

Now, you've been promising me stuff and
pulling the rug out from under me for 12

years. Now, I deserve that promotion,
and I want it now.

No.

Look, uh, I don't know how you behaved
before the earth cooled.

But I busted my butt to get up here.

I almost urinated on an elevator.

I passed up a chance to have sex to get
up here in time.

You know what the point is?

The point is I quit.

That's right.

I'd rather dig ditches than work
somewhere where I'm not appreciated. And

and you, and you, and you, and you, you
can all just go to hell. Wow, you have a

pair after all. They must have dropped
when you hit the door.

All right, you got the promotion.

The job starts in September.

There's a 10 % raise.

And there's a title, too. What are you
now?

I'm the assistant director of personnel.

Then you're the international assistant
director of personnel.

Thank you.

Thank you, and you won't regret it. Now,
if you want this to be a done deal,

there's just one more simple thing. Go
downstairs, get the forms, and be back

here in ten minutes.

Yeah, but I...

finally promoted drew was finally
promoted and nobody had to die and

had to die and nobody had to die all
right all right all right stop being

about halfway through all right in honor
of your promotion we went back and

found some of the party decorations from
the first time we thought you were

going to climb the corporate ladder the
preppy look was in and everybody was

dirty dancing and we said you may die
before you date but you'll get promoted

88

Okay, a couple more years went by, and
suddenly, you were up for another

promotion. And Vanilla Ice was top in
the charts.

And we said, going to the top in 91,
this year, they're bound to throw you a

crumb. Well,

a couple more years went by, and we
started being a little more careful with

words. That's true. But we still had
hope in our hearts. Who could ever

we're hoping for more in 94.

The dream's still alive in 95.

96, now you're just not trying.

97, hey look, I can write with a marker
in my nose.

And finally, in 1998.

In this great country, the land of
opportunity.

Where any idiot can whittle away the
competition or simply outlive them, Drew

Carey has done what so many generations
of Careys have only dreamt of.

Climbed one rung up the corporate
ladder, standing boldly on the threshold

lower middle class.

From sea to shining sea.

Don't screw it up, Drew.

Don't you worry about it.

This is the new Drew Carey. I'm all
about success.

I'm all about taking risks. I'm going to
win big or I'm going to lose big.

Either way, my rug's on fire.

That's not a figure of speech. My rug's
on fire.

Coming.

Hey, Bessie, my old fridge. You're back.

Hey, where'd you find it?

Drew, you've been putting on a brave
front, but we know you've been missing

old girl. So we decided to go to the
junkyard and buy her back.

Well, my two bridges at once, that's my
biggest fantasy.

That's all I need to hear to leave.