All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s03e23 The Rebound

Hey, thanks for coming over on such
short notice.

How's it looking there?

You do know this is a dryer, right?

Of course I know it's a dryer.

Okay, I'm just trying to figure out why
there's cheese in your lint trap.

We were drunk, we had pizza mix, blow
dryer was taking too long.

That's the most stupid thing I ever
heard. Not for long, I haven't finished

story yet.

Can't wait.

Well, see, we were making pizza in the
dryer because we were already making

ashtrays in the oven and Tupperware
sculptor in the microwave.

Did I mention we were drunk?

Don't feel bad. I get a lot of calls
like this.

Yeah, well, listen, before you go around
the neighborhood telling everybody that

Drew Carey's a drunken lunatic, I just
want to tell you that we were drunk last

night because we were celebrating.

Oh, yeah? What for?

Oh, I finally made the last payment on
an engagement ring I bought for this

woman who dumped me.

You want to see it? It's sitting in the
freezer.

Is it still on her finger?

Hey, Drew. Hey, Drew. Hey, everybody.

This is Sharon. She came here to fix all
the stuff we broke last night.

Didn't she do anything about the VCR?

You broke the VCR?

No. I was thinking that the VCR was sad
because the dryer was broken because

they're friends and stuff.

I got to go tally the stuff. And I'm not
just saying this because it's good for

business.

Party on.

Wow. Nice looking handyman.

Yeah. Did she borrow your tool?

You mean my penis?

Yeah, she used my penis to fix the
dryer.

You weren't so high and mighty last
night when you were wrestling the dog in

your boxer shorts.

I never did that.

Who did?

Who cares who did it? What is this, a
witch hunt?

That's it, Drew. No more broken hearts.
I can't handle the drinking anymore.

Last night I thought I was cheating on
Oswald.

Luckily, it was just Oswald.

I was a sailor called Pablo.

You know, I think Drew should get right
back on the horse, huh? And right out

there is a handywoman who has seen and
apparently accepts how creepy he looks.

Would you let it go? Let him get over
Nicky. Hey, I'm over Nicky. I realized

that last night when I was sitting here
feeling bad for myself thinking...

Man, I am the biggest loser in the
world.

Then I saw Lewis out in the backyard
wrestling with Speedy.

Would you drop it, okay? At the time, I
thought he was a grizzly.

Excuse me for saving your house.

So if you saw over Nicky, why don't you
ask the Haiti woman out? Would you give

it a rest? He was just engaged.

If we broke up, would you be dating in
less than a month? I wouldn't. But Pablo

might.

All right, Drew, here's your bill.

And about the VCR, I took off ten bucks
because I found a porno tape in there.

I'm keeping it.

Well, this isn't so bad. Are you always
just reasonable or you just do a crappy

job? I think she gave you an I like you
discount.

Honey, there's something I want to show
you in the car.

No, there isn't. You just want to yell
at me.

We don't call it yelling. What do we
call it? Stuff I should know by now.

Hey, look, my friends have emailed.

I don't want to take this the wrong way
or anything, but I'm not looking to meet

anybody right now.

That's okay.

You're not my type anyway.

Well, I was just about to tell you that
same thing, but right before you said

it.

Good, because I'm not interested.

Neither am I.

Okay, I just want to make sure you
realize I was not flirting with you.

I'm sorry, I find you dull and
uninteresting. Did you say something?

Yeah, I was just fantasizing about a
real man. Bye.

I still got it.

No, you don't.

It's back where it belongs All the
little chicks with the crimson lips go

Cleveland Rock, Cleveland Rock Living in
sin with a safety pin go

Cleveland Rock

I saw the flyers you posted around the
store.

Engagement ring for sale.

Why not just write pathetic loser
everywhere?

Any other broken dreams you're looking
to sell?

Perhaps an unopened box of condoms?

I know you're familiar with American
culture, but our customs dictate that I

you in the mouth next time you say
something like that. I'm game.

Although I must warn you, my screams can
be quite ear -piercing.

I'm sure you're not bragging, sir, but
unless you want to buy the engagement

ring, I have to get back to work.

Well, let's see it then.

You getting engaged, sir?

Well, for the weekend at least, although
I sense we'll be growing apart by

Sunday.

I'm not selling it to you. This means a
lot to me. I'm not going to sell it to

you just so you can get lucky.

Fine! Then let it be on your head that
this poor woman slept with me and got

absolutely nothing out of it!

Any luck unloading that ring that you
got back because your girlfriend dumped

you? Do you always have to add because
your girlfriend dumped you?

Oh, I'm sorry. Are you in a bad mood
because your girlfriend dumped you?

Yeah, sure. It's easy for you. I mean,
you have all kinds of admirers. Look at

those flowers.

Oh, what kind of fool do you think I am?

No card.

Could be somebody shy.

Could be somebody who don't know how to
write.

Could be a secret admirer.

Could be super glue.

You'll pay for this, pig.

Hey, it's midnight in the Garden of Mean
and Ugly.

Hey, Drew. Hey. Hey, Drew, we're going
to lunch. You want to come?

Yeah, I'd love to, but I have to work,
so you guys go ahead without me.

Uh, hey, Drew.

When, uh, when you borrowed my super
glue, is this what it was for? Yeah.

That's a good gag.

Sorry I'm late, Drew. I got your call on
my pager. I got here as soon as I

could. What's the problem?

Oh, uh, Sharon, I'll bear with you. My
friends are just about to leave.

Oh, I get it. You, uh, you got work to
do.

With the handyman.

I guess Drew got tired of do -it
-yourself.

do you think you're hiding?

Sorry, my friends make a bad first
impression, but it's an accurate one.

Sharon, this is the chair I'm having
trouble with right there.

Can you, would you excuse us?

Don't tell me you needed Sharon to come
over here and fix your chair. The store

has tons of maintenance people.

Oh, you know how long it takes those
guys to get here after you call them. I

mean, hey, Mr. Carey, have anything you
need done today?

No, thanks, Jimmy.

You want me to just hang out and wait
around in case something breaks?

Get the hell out of here, Jimmy.

Drew, you're on the rebound and you're
real vulnerable right now. Just take it

slow. Don't get too attached.

Don't worry. I just want somebody I can
do couple stuff with.

When you have Oswald, Lewis has Pinky, I
just want to be fun to have someone to

hang around with.

But Drew, it's not like I... Have a good
time at lunch. Bye.

Boy, the springs are shut.

Did a safe fall on this thing?

Listen, the chair really is broken, but
that's not the real reason I called you

up here.

Listen, you're a really nice guy. Before
you try to guess where this is going,

yes, I'm going to ask you out, but only
as a friend.

Oh, so that's why the engagement didn't
work out.

Sure, I'll be your friend. I always
wanted a gay friend.

I'm not gay. Look at me. I'm not in that
kind of shape.

So, you just want to be friends?

Yeah, I just thought it'd be fun to go
out with somebody who won't fall in love

with me. I won't fall in love with them.
You know, no pressure.

Just two friends out having fun.

Fun, huh?

Yeah. Want to talk about this over
lunch?

Yeah, but I got to warn you, I don't
talk much while I'm eating.

Give me a moment while I try to react
with surprise.

Hey, you're funny. You like flowers?
Come here.

You know, at first I thought painting
Easter eggs was going to be a drag, but

it's actually kind of fun.

Hey, guys, I got the prettiest girl on
the block.

Come on, come on.

More painting, less talking, okay? If we
don't get these over to Reverend

Linderman, there's going to be a whole
bunch of kids walking around the church

lawn filling their Easter baskets full
of dog poop.

Pinky, can I have another egg? Sure.

What's that new drug you're testing for
drug co again?

Oh, yeah,

the one that alters your sense of
distance.

Honey, honey, I'm really sorry.

Pinky, I'm right here.

Everything's okay.

Oh, God, thanks, honey.

Try drinking six feet behind your head.

There you go.

Well, I gotta drop these off at the
reverend.

Yeah. Here we go.

Well, I'm gonna go finish tightening up
that banister. Is there something else

you wanted me to do? Uh, yeah. Can you
take the lid off the mayonnaise jar, but

just loosen it so I can open it up in
front of my friends?

How long are these effects going to
last?

Oh, about a week.

You know what? Maybe you shouldn't come
over tonight. Sex could be dangerous.

I'm sorry. It looked like that sleeve
was about ten feet long.

To hell with danger.

Thanks.

How much do I owe you?

Tell you what.

No charge if you give me an honest
answer about something.

Okay.

Even though I've never seen that color
in nature, I think your hair looks

No, I was going to ask.

Is there something about me that puts
guys off?

I had this date later. Oh. And he
canceled.

He said he had to work late.

People have to work late. It's happened
to me tons of times. I can't tell you

how many women I've gone out with that
said they had to work late.

Oh, excuse me.

This isn't the first time. I mean, I get
canceled on or I go out once and I

never hear from the guy again.

Well, I don't know. You're kind of
tough, but I like that.

And it can't be your looks because
you're really cute. I mean, man, you're

adorable.

You know what? Hey, hell with anybody
who stands you up, huh? I'm here. You're

here. We got music.

What music?

I usually do this by myself.

You are doing it by yourself.

Oh, yeah.

Now, look, you're having such a good
time, don't let me spoil it.

Come on, it's fun.

Hold on, I've got a page.

Hey, the date's back on.

He got off work. Isn't that great?

Yeah, that's really great. Hey, I'll
call you later.

Drew, what can I say?

You're a bud.

Swing music. What was I thinking?

Next time, reggae.

It's me. Hey, how you doing?

How'd the date go?

Oh, it's still going on.

Listen, I'm really sorry to call you,
but I had a little emergency over here.

think there's a leak in one of my pipes.

Yeah, oh, well, maybe you better come
over.

Yeah, hey, I'm really sorry.

Thanks.

Man, I hate ruining her date.

Oh, yeah, I gotta break a pipe.

Call me.

What are you guys doing here?

We came back to get all the egg dye
stuff.

All the eggs broke when I slammed on the
brakes of my car.

Excuse me, one stop, but there was a
400...

Put Jesus in the middle of the road.
That might be important.

It was a four -inch Jesus, and he was on
the dashboard of my car.

That is no reason to shove those huge
breaths in my face.

I'm sorry.

Wait a sec.

Cool clothes, candlelight, reggae music.
I know what's going on here.

You're getting on the ganja train.

No, I'm not getting on the ganja train,
but I do have company coming over, so

get the stuff and take it over to Lewis'
place.

Oh. This company wouldn't be your friend
Sharon, would it?

Yeah, it's Sharon, but it's not a date.
She's coming over to fix a leak in one

of my pipes.

Is it your love?

He's 35 years old.

When are you going to start using the
word penis?

Did you say it?

I'm not fooling anybody.

You were expecting a woman. You had your
cheek sucked in.

You know, the way you think makes you
look like Marky Mark.

I wasn't expecting a woman. I was
expecting... Speedy, there you are,

Time for your dance lesson, boy.

How come Speedy's all wet?

Oh, my God.

Oh,

my God. How could this have happened? It
was just a little hole in the pipe

leaking into a bucket.

You busted a pipe just to get Sharon to
come over here? Do you realize how

stupid that sounds?

I'm sorry. I can't hear you over the
sound of my house thinking.

Oh, hey.

It's my barbells.

I don't want them to rust.

Boy,

I really got to start working out again.

Shut up, Val.

It's right where my dad said it was.

Oh, he's right. I wasn't paying
attention.

I'll go find it.

Oh, man. My baseball mitt.

My teddy bear.

Family photo album. My only picture of
Grandma.

Hey, Drew, look. Your dad's old
Playboys.

No!

Drew,

you can't... Lift those. They're wet.
They must weigh over 300 pounds.

Wow. You look like that woman that
lifted the car off her child.

Something's got my foot.

Hey, Sharon, glad you could make it. You
look nice. Can I get you a drink?

No. Thanks, Drew.

You, go rent a sump pump.

You, go help your hysterical girlfriend.

She's already unscrewed about 15
sprinkler heads.

Hey, after this, let's go wear ourselves
in our wet pants.

You read my mind.

Thought they'd never leave.

Hey, uh, have you seen my old wrestling
trophy?

I know it looks like a guy eating a pie,
but he's really wrestling with it.

Kind of busy, Drew.

Oh, yeah. Sure, sure.

Hey, look at me. I'm a fountain.

That's like somebody's been banging on
this pipe.

What kind of nut would do a thing like
that?

Hey,

you don't speak Spanish either.

I can also play Cherish.

Drew, you don't want to just be friends
anymore, do you?

No. And this wasn't an accident, was it?

No.

This is really sweet.

But I gotta tell you, you're a real...
Don't say nice guy.

Pain in the ass. Thank you.

Hey, look, at first, I did just want to
be friends. But then something happened,

and I wanted to see if you felt the same
way that I felt, but judging by that

wonderful believe I'm a lesbian look on
your face, I guess you don't.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm going to fix all this, and I'm going
to do it at cost.

We're not going to date.

You asked for it.

Ladies and gentlemen, Cherish.

Hey, that's not... Hey!

Hey, complete lady of Spain!

Hey, Captain.

Mind if I board?

Yeah, but I can only take you as far as
a furnace. After that, it's

international waters.

I heard your song.

But you know what throws me?

She didn't go for me at all. And I was
cute as hell.

Let me tell you something, Drew. If we
were dating and you did something like

that for me, I would be yours forever.

Let me ask you something. You've got to
promise you'll never tell Oswald I asked

you this, but if we were alone in this
boat in the middle of the ocean and we

were trapped,

would you let me, you know, play Lady of
Spain?

No. But we could have sex.

Keep it in your pants, O 'Brien.

I thought you'd be happy I returned your
hockey mask and knife.

You did that on purpose.

Okay. There's no reason to go nibbling
my toes.

How could I be nibbling your toes and
flipping the boat?

It's always fun until somebody gets
eaten.