Original subtitles

All right, we got a ton of leftover Buzzbeard labels from Christmas showing

Santa and his elves making beer. What do we do with them?

Oh, look, that's easy.

We just paint Santa's beard black, make his red suit plaid, and

now he's just a fat, happy drunk talking to a bunch of midgets.

You know, Lewis, I don't use the word genius a lot, but I do use the words we

got nothing better. I'll get some bottles.

Wait a minute.

We've been eating bean dip and drinking buzz beer all night, which means we've

combined beer, coffee, and beans after a big, chilly dinner. Do you know what

that means?

Yeah.

Unplug everything with a pilot light.

Wow. I guess she left because she didn't want to do that in the kitchen.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

First we have to fill the door to see if it's hot to avoid a backdraft.

Oh, my God.

This is horrible.

I need a drink.

What happened?

We went against nature. That's what happened.

We tried to control beer. We took it and we locked it up in this thing.

It looked like the pipes froze.

Oh, wake up.

That's what the beer wants you to think.

Hey, guys.

I was just shoveling the walk when I thought, boy, could I use a beer. And

suddenly 200 gallons of it came flying at me. What the hell's going on?

Is everyone all right?

Look, we're really sorry, and we promise you there won't be any more problems.

After this.

After this.

I'm beginning to think this is not a permanent solution.

But when Carrie gets home, you tell him I got beer on my lawn, beer on my house,

and beer on my new jacket.

And unlike him, when I smell like beer, it's a problem.

We can't afford to get a new tank, so no tank, no buzz beer.

Guys, if you don't mind, I'd like a moment alone with the tank.

You're shooting up your pants, isn't it, buddy? Oh, yeah.

Oh, who's the little table for? I didn't know your neighbor got kids.

They don't, but there's not enough room for everybody to sit comfortably at the

big table, so.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Why do Oswald and I always have to sit at the kiddie table? I hate it. I hate

it. Lewis!

The Clemens are our guests. Get a grip.

I'm your little plastic cup at the kiddie table.

Look, everybody behave.

And you be nice to the neighbors so they don't sue me for drenching their house

with beer. By the way, no more sneaking over there for beer pickles.

Well, we wouldn't do that.

Don't deny it. Because I recognize the drunken snow angels.

Snow? We were just trying to get back up.

Janet, do we have to go to dinner next door? I don't want to spend two hours in

Carrie's house.

He's creepy.

He's not creepy.

His friends, they're creepy.

Did I tell you that you can see his bathroom from our bedroom window?

Do you know what I caught him doing in the shower the other night?

For 20 minutes until his arms gave out?

Come on, let's get this over with.

Hey, the Clemmons are coming.

Hi. Hi.

Sorry it took so long to get to the door. I was just getting out of the

Okay, why don't we all sit down and chat before dinner?

Isn't this an adventure?

What the hell are we going to talk about?

Oh, Carrie, what do you think of the new bond issue?

Well, I think it's going to add about two cents of tax on every dollar. I'll

tell you something, buddy.

I'm not going to pay it.

You know what I think?

What's Wiggly and his ten eyes?

neighbors. May you always be friends and never be plaintiffs.

Don't worry, Drew. We're not going to sue.

Oh, thank God.

Now I don't have to worry about eating out of fear. I can just eat out of

depression over losing my business.

Didn't you have insurance?

Well, we thought we mailed in the premium.

Didn't we, Oswald? Yes, we did. Didn't we, Lewis? Yes, we did. Didn't we, Cape?

Yes, we did.

Didn't we, Drew?

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Hey, you know what? This is pretty good.

It tasted different coming at my face at 35 miles an hour.

Everything does.

Yeah, this is good.

If I were you, I would try to find some way to save the business.

Oh, there's no way. A new tank costs $10 ,000 to $15 ,000.

If I may interject, I was just reading an article in the Wall Street Journal

that said that microbreweries are going through the roof. In fact, it's the

second fastest growing industry.

The first is butt force.

What's a butt force?

Well, if you don't know what a butt's for, you better stop eating.

We're sorry. They're really good kids. They just get excited when we have

company.

Too bad about the business, Carrie. I wish there was something we could do to

help. Yeah, but we could help, honey. We've got that extra money to invest.

You didn't mean it. That's just what she's saying.

Hey, if you're looking for a place to invest your money, you can do worse than

Buzz Beer.

Maybe you didn't hear me when I whispered to her, but I didn't mean it.

just what you said.

I don't remember the last investment you talked me out of.

What was it called again?

Oh, yeah.

Starbucks. Oh, oh, oh.

Okay, somebody drop the balloons, because it's the millionth time she's

that up. Oh, Dad, stop fighting. You're ruining my birthday party.

How about taking a chance once in a while? You know, we don't always have to

play everything so safe.

You're right.

All right, let's take a chance.

Go get the checkbook.

On my way.

You know, isn't it funny how things change?

Yesterday you thought these people were a bunch of drunken idiots, and now

they're your business partners.

You were right, honey.

Yeah, what can I say?

Okay, I can say this.

Now, I'm only doing this under one condition. You make me the boss.

Unless you got a bigger investor.

Like the guy with the olives on his fingers.

Hey, look, I need your help and everything, but what do you know about

beer business?

I got a business degree from Kent State, an MBA from Northwestern, and I'm a

junior partner at one of the top investment firms in Ohio.

Oh, yeah?

Well, if you're so smart, how come you're living next door to me?

How about this?

You make me the boss, and I guarantee you I'll double your profits inside of

months. What?

Okay, boss.

But if you do something we don't agree with it, we get the power to outvote

No, if you want to double your money, you work hard and do whatever I say.

All right, but every once in a while, you got to let me win a meaningless but

symbolic victory.

Okay.

Don't say it. I know I'm late.

Tell Mr. Rick I'll have the benefit reform package on his desk today.

You told him that yesterday.

Oh, so somewhere in the same suit, maybe he'll think it's the same day.

Another hot date, huh?

Gee, I'd like to meet her.

Hi, I'm Mimi.

You can do a lot better than a loser like this.

I'm sorry, Mimi. I'm just so tired.

I got a new investor at Buzz Beer, and he's working me day and night.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were under so much pressure.

Thanks, Mimi.

I was talking to your belt.

Gary!

What are you doing here, Clarence? I told you you can't come down here. Oh, I

can't stop thinking about last night. Your inventory disk. I've got to have it

right now. Gary!

Well, well, well.

Who's this giving you order?

This is my other boss.

Aha.

So you're the other boss.

Younger, too. What a surprise.

You've got some nerve coming in here.

Look, I guess this was going to come up sooner or later.

But we're both adults. This is the 90s. There's no reason we can't share it.

Is this what you want, Kenny?

I don't know anymore.

All right.

Let's be civilized.

I'll take the days, you take the nights. I'll throw in the weekends if you give

me every other lunch hour.

Fine. If I can have his vacation.

Deal.

Wait a second.

You're dividing up my entire life. What if I want to... What if I get invited

to... What if I get tickets for... Hey!

How can people never invite me anywhere or give me tickets to anything?

Oh, what are you complaining about, Carrie? I'm giving you a successful beer

business. Yes, and I'm giving you blah blah promises promotion blah blah blah.

it all worked out terribly well, Clemens. You're a heck of a boss, you

fact... Go on. Give it a go.

No, I couldn't. Please, I insist.

Johnson, get a load of this.

What's black and white and can fire you.

A date? Does this involve cruising the Internet?

No, I broke up with Zelda .com.

I met Pinky at Drug Co. She's a guinea pig.

Oh, good. I thought it was going to be something weird.

No, no, she's not a real guinea pig. She's the person who gets paid to test

dangerous side effects of experimental drugs.

What does she look like?

Right now, she's testing this pupil dilating drug, so she's got these big

eyes.

And the patch of hair she has left is blonde.

She sounds, uh... Where are you taking her?

To Mario's. I mentioned Italian and her tail started wagging.

2008.

2009.

2010.

You've been up for two days straight. I don't know how you're doing it.

Drew's little hoppers.

Red, yellow, green, plain peanut.

Hey, hey!

How's team Buzzbeard?

We'll have fun when the work is done as soon as we are number one.

Drew, I bought you something that's going to make your life way easier.

What, are you going to use that board to beat me unconscious?

Lewis, Oswald, would you go out and roll in the other two boards? Yeah, if you

tape a broom to our ass, we could sweep the floor, too.

I was just suggesting, if you tape a broom to our ass, we could sweep the

too.

I'll think about it.

Great going, Oswald. Now we're going to have brooms taped to our ass.

Excuse me?

I said, great going, Oswald. Now we're going to have brooms taped to our asses.

Hi, dinner lady!

Lewis, you're getting giddy and weird.

Go home.

Yes, sir.

Oh, boy, I hope the guinea pig girl's still free for dinner.

They still got three hours before the night sweats hit in.

Hey, hey there, Mr.

Clemens.

Diddly diddly do.

Nice try. You and O 'Brien go get the other two boys.

Carrie, now, this is the map of our sales territory.

Now, the blue pins represent bars that already sell buzz beer. The red pins

represent potential sales clients. Now, we don't rest until every red pin is

blue. What do you say, Carrie?

Doodly, doodly, hoodle.

Oh, Kate, would you put the other board over there? Thank you.

Oh, these are going to be a big help, Carrie. Now, one's our profit

and the other's a flow chart of our supply and demand, updated daily. And

best part is it'll all be here for easy reference.

Well, it does be more efficient.

Strangely, cozy and familiar.

I feel right at home for some reason.

Hello, Winford Louder. Oh, my God, I'm in a cubicle!

Hey, call me to work tomorrow when I'm not so busy.

I want this stuff out of here right now.

Yeah, and I'm not taping a broom to my butt either.

over here. We're late for the party.

What are you trying to do to these people? It's Saturday night.

I can't go, honey. I gotta stay here and protect our investment.

Fine. I'm going without you.

Don't worry, Greg.

We'll go after her.

Doors open, run.

Man, you know, if I was you, I'd go after her right now before I even gave

more order.

Man, I would just fly out of here, man. Just go. I would...

The best thing to do is just bury ourselves in work. Man, come on. Let's

books.

See a lot of work again, huh?

I know something we could do, but it's long hours and hard labor.

What?

Quality control.

I hereby declare this tank is good.

You think I'm a tight ass?

Hey, I told you that a half hour ago.

Now you're just a tight ass that doesn't listen.

You know, Janet used to love that I was a take -charge kind of guy.

Well, you know, the problem is, Clemens, is you plan too much.

You know, before you came along, Buzz Beers making half the money, we were

having twice as much fun.

Hey, I could be as fun and crazy as anybody, okay? Even you. Hey, you're

to Mr. Fun, pal.

Fun built this party.

I bet you wouldn't even dream of doing some of the things I want to do.

You know your neighbor Robinson on the other side? We even know Christmas is

gone, still has his Christmas lights up.

I thought of going over there, man, and pulling those lights and decorations

down.

That's pretty crazy, huh?

I'll show you how spontaneous I can be, Carrie.

I'm going to go home, change into some clothes that I don't mind getting dirty.

You have my message. Get a flashlight.

And then we're going to come back and draw up a plan and cut down this.

You are out of control, Clemens.

The dog's following us. He's got our scent.

No, he's following the car. We're so plugged in.

We've got to cut this car.

I'm not going back to the chain gang, man. What are you talking about?

Oh, it just felt right. Let's hide in here.

great it feels to cut loose, huh?

I'll never forget you rolling down that roof.

I mean, I forgot just a minute ago, but it just came back to me.

What's that? Sounds like thunder.

Think this makes me look good?

You know, your garage blows up enough times, people start to talk.

Is everybody all right? What happened?

Now, we're fine. Your husband forgot to connect the heater to the pipes, and the

tank blew up.

He bled me with liquor.

Yeah, you bet I did.

I was trying to toss my set sheet. It loosened me up a little bit.

You know what I just thought about when my garage blew up?

Yay!

That's not right.

What are you arguing about?

We just lost everything.

We're out of business.

Nope. Mr. Plans Too Much insured the tank.

Yeah, well, maybe we're still out of business because we're not going to come

back to work for you.

You know why? Because you're me.

It really hurts me to say that because I really like you.

You like me? Yeah, I do.

It's funny because I don't like you.

I can't believe you didn't pick up on that.

But you're right.

Since no one else is going to come work for free, and I don't want to lose my

money, I guess I'll try being nice to you.

What do you say?

You're not going to kiss me, are you?

No, he's going to kiss me.

No, come on home. I want to take advantage of you in this condition.

Yeah, it was really bad.

There was beer and foam and crap just shooting everywhere.

How'd your date with guinea pig girl go?

Except for the foam, pretty much the same thing.

You know, you don't have to settle for someone like him.

Little lipstick, little blush.

Why don't you give him a nice little smack on the lip?

A first for you, waking up with a girlfriend.

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